Be Careful For What You Wish For....Cause You Just Might Get It

My life has always been a rollercoaster. But the past two weeks has been closer to insanity. We all live with a basic foundation, I have none at this point. A very scary concept. Men. There are not a lack of men, however, there are a lack of quality men. My vibrator has been my closest friend. The lack of sex has made my orgasms intense. And as for my clit....just a few circles and my vibrator inserted and I immediately cum. When my mind reaches overload and my pussy is pulsating, its become a necessity to masturbate...it almost has a meditation effect on me.

Reality can be a scary place. This secret world I have been living in and my real world are about to combine into one. I can't explain it...I am not exactly ready for it. Four years ago, I had written a five year plan. It was going to take me five years to get my life together to escape. I looked forward to this whole new life of freedom. Well, four years later, I made that life. I managed to put the pieces in place to move on. I also had said that no man would be in my life at the time. This way I was 100% sure that I was doing it for me. And here I stand--alone.

Mr. Porsche has been concentrating on his work. The calls have stopped. I am going through withdrawal right now. Here is a man I would speak to five times a day. He was my best friend and while he swore my divorce would not scare him--its as if I have leprosy. Silly as it may sound, for the first time ever, he did not call to say have a great weekend. Oh he did ask to see my on Wednesday...I told him I would have to let him know. Honestly, I don't feel that closeness to him anymore. I feel like he abandoned our friendship when I needed it the most. He wants to send our relationship into reverse, to the days when we first began. I don't think I can do that. I really am going to give it a lot of thought.

I took this next week off to think and be with my kids. I am feeling so empty right now and drained. And honestly so ALONE. There are people around.....my work is going great...actually, today my boss gave me $1,000 for my vacation to hang with the kids. I am taking the next week to really soul search. I know its not the men that are going to make me happy, its me that has to make myself happy. and I need to begin finding me. I have been working so damn hard, so many hours....I am barely a person. Oh this week, there were six men from Ashley Madison who wanted to meet again. Frogs from the past but I declined.

So here I am. Be Careful what you wish for because you just might get it! I am almost there. A major blowout with the hubby....people are giving him advice on what he needs to do to screw me over. However, its the kids he is hurting not me. No set visitation, he thinks that is getting back at me. It's not, thats the sad part, he'll just be absent in the life of his kids. He's already planning weekends away with an imaginary girlfriend (I can't promise the kids any weekends). And to add to it, he is now looking for a better job. How ironic. I am going to have no money! Well, well, well....so Cheri is not going to support you anymore is the reality and when your family needed you, you didn't care, but now that you are on your own--now you need to make a living. Stupid ass...I've been struggling for ten years and you just laid back and watched. The man who needs his steak and potatoes while I would eat a bowl of pasta.

Okay, enough moaning. Time to organize my house, time to get my life in order, time to try and get out of the dumps, clear this fog and try to move on. Depression sucks however, i have been getting a lot of quality sleep the past few nights. i got these cameras so I can hear the kids and I lock the door. I have been sleeping like a baby and no sexual attacks.

And BTW, the comment moderation is off again but please--didn't your mommy teach you if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. I don't mind critiques that are going to help me, make me think and aren't rude and judgmental.