Insecurity....sucks

Today I decided to call Mystery Man. We don't usually speak on the phone. I just wanted to tell him I was covered in sweat and it reminded me of him. Usually his phone is shut off. today, it was ringing. I froze....you see he either left it on by accident last week when we met OR he's on the prowl again. It took all the energy in the world not to drive by our motel to see if he was there. Yes, insecurity sucks. I know I have no reason to talk...I mean I am with Mr. Porsche too. But I can't stand thinking that I would lose him or that I wouldn't be #1 in his affair world.

I knew he was slipping. I felt it after our intense connection. I even needed a little separation this time. Okay, I checked Ashley Madison. Yes, the old playground for secret lover affairs. The familiar playground to meet another lover. Is he back on Ashley? And there I go and CRAP...he was there 5 days ago.....he went on the day after we met. Yes, it was too much for him. Yes, he decided to look again. So his phone..the batphone is his affair phone. With it on, maybe he is looking again....

I just hate competition. I want to be the one he adores and lusts for. The one he thinks about in the morning and when he goes to sleep. The one that makes his cock rise. the one he desires to thrust deep inside. Yes, I am nervous but then I think about it. I need to be confident...we fuck well together.

Today, I did work and then took some time to do stuff for me. Worked at the gym actually...I figured out that when I am doing my leg exercises on the machines, I can talk on the phone. Two clients called me and I answered their questions eith no problem and took care of a couple of work issues. Hmmm...now that was great multi-tasking...talking about feeling like I was getting a lot done.

Mr. Porsche has been traveling around the country and basically just too busy for me. we haven't had a good conversation in 10 days. But I feel secure with him, he has no time for anyone else. And he specifically told me to keep Thursday open....yes, a rendezvous meeting for us. I finally got them on alternate weeks....or is it just that MM will be gone forever?