The angels are working overtime here on Secret Lovers Lane...yup, they knew the hubby was going out of town so they must have put in overtime for the week to keep me to be a good girl.
Wow, this is a hard post. It's strange to write something that you know the person you are writing about is going to read it. You see, most of the guys in my life do not know about the blog. So its easy to make a blog entry and write whatever I want. This one I hesitated because Tadpole reads my blog. Do I write what is in my heart? do I fluff it so he can't see what I am really thinking? I decided....to be true to my blog. Write what I feel even if it does expose things that I would never let him know if he were a man that I met.....so here goes:
I did have plans to meet Tadpole after work. I was really looking forward to it. Actually, I didn't know what the afternoon would bring--but we talk so much and he makes me laughs so much--I was really looking forward to grabbing a drink or coffee. Would it have turned into something more? I don't know. We are at a point where we are flirting friends leaning in the something more direction BUT not totally there yet. So what ever the day would hold--I would have enjoyed it. I had gotten an additional invitation to meet Mr. Fire (which I easily declined--I'm not into meeting someone new now and he is aware of that) and I call from my friends to go meet them early for some hooky shopping (they were taking off early to have a late lunch and shop at the mall). I turned both down because I was looking forward to my meeting with TAdpole.
Well, as you guessed by now, we didn't meet. An emergency came up at home (which I did understand. It was the truth because he wouldn't make up an emergency like that). But I was bummed and disappointed...I would have rebounded in ten minutes but as I was going through it in my head---it just didn't add up. It's complicated to explain but when he should have been on his way to meet me, he was still in his office.....someplace he said he wasn't going to be because he was leaving to meet me straight from a meeting. So if the emergency came up...he should have gotten the call on the way to meet me. And after he got the emergency call--he was still in his office not running home.
Stuck in traffic is not a good thing. You have too much time to analyze a situation. As I am driving, it hit me. He didn't even call me to let me know that he wasn't going to be there. It made me feel like he had no intentions of meeting me and he knew it earlier on since he was back in his office.
So, it doesn't matter..kind of confusing, but I am hurt. Part of me thinks the real reason is that he doesn't want to cross over that line...and that is fine, I would absolutely respect that and really it was just a meeting for coffee to talk and flirt. But not to call me? Not to apologize, say you feel bad....he really didn't say much. He had to sense that I was disappointed (even though I did understand). He was surprisingly like ICE. Actually he even sounded annoyed.
If you read my blog for awhile.....you know that I hate being lied to. It gives me a worthless feeling....like I was a piece of trash...like I am not even worth a call, an apology or the truth. Now that sucks. Acquaintance, Friend, Lover...whatever....why make a person feel bad? And even if you didn't mean to, why not try to make the situaton better?
On a side note, I spoke with Zorro and he said-- What did you expect?(or in other words--you deserve what you get--ouch, tough love). Well, you know how he feels about the men I meet. He gets furious with me because he thinks I have so much to offer.
His theory is that all the men on the hunt have wives, they don't want any form of friendship, they want to fuck and run. No respect, no care for the woman and who she is..fuck and run!!
I don't want to believe that. Yes, I do think there are some out there but not all. If that's the case, I'm done. Of course sex is a huge part of this whole affair thing but so is the fun, the flirting, the talking, the connection. That feeling that someone finds you attractive, that lustful feeling that comes alive. I disagree with him. Personally, its a lot easier to get a prostitute then if all they are looking for is a good blow job.
Oh well. I guess I will never understand men, probably why I get so easily bruised. Actually, I have decided to go to sleep. Yes, a Friday night and I am going to go up to bed. It was just a sucky week(and not in the blowjob sense).
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