Was I that bad of a lover?

Just received a call from Mr. Heart. "Was I that bad of a lover?" He sounded so down. He was out having a drink and said he needed to call. He left the message on my voicemail. His voice was down, he sounded so sad. I miss you as a friend. I miss talking to you. These past two weeks, I went from the highest of highs to feeling like crap. I just want to say hi, please call."

Fuck! I would never ever want someone to feel that way because of me. I never intended to hurt him, I just thought he was so high on himself, it didn't matter if I walked away. He would bounce right back. And the fact that I didn't hear from him after the second call, I figured he was fine. Fuck and run!

Oh boy. A rough situation here. Would I have felt differently if Mr. Government did not return and I didn't have tadpole and curious george to play with. Was it so bad? The sex wasn't bad, the condomn thing was bullshit. That really put me in a crappy mood.

Reality is that is was not anything like it is with Mr. Government. The sweat is real, the intensity is sincere and real, my screams of his name and the moans are real...my whole body craves him, the hunger is totally animal instinct. I can't get enough of him inside of me. Not anything like that with Mr. Heart. It was okay sex. the fact that he was so excited that I played with toys and that I touched myself tells me that my experimenting list is going to be me as the teacher. Not really what I want. But I will call him. I like him as a person just not as a lover. Oh please, I hope I don't feel guilty enough that I end up doing a pity fuck.

It's funny how when you are single and younger, you have no idea of how to have great sex. You play and have fun. It's beginner sex. Now I am 40, I have become sooooo much more educated onwhat is out there. And I am married and shouldn't be doing these sinful things. But I am soooo much more into it. I am sooo much more confident about my sexuality and I am soooo much better than I was back then. Life doesn't seem fair. Well I am working on my Top 50 list and well...I am getting horny. Just thinking about how far I might go....is just so hot.

Sweet Wet Dreams....had to dump that onto my blog.