Back On Ashley

Mr. Podcast tells me daily that it doesn't matter if Mystery Man is on Ashley...he hadn't been on for 10 days....but today, I got a weird feeling. I didn't hear from him as much.....I felt something different from his emails...the witch in me? Yeah, that other voice that I sometimes here.

I noticed he was on this afternoon....my heart sunk. But hey, he has a right to go on Ashley MAdison and as Marathoner has pointed out, maybe he is checking if my profile is up...still felt weird, went back tonight and he was on an hour ago. Hence, he is looking.....

I know it shouldn't matter.....but it does. I feel like it is a slap in my face....like I am not good enough. Am I wrong for feeling that way? I know we have hot moments....its not just me...so what does it say that he is looking again? I know that I also wander a little.....but I have turned down Navigator and Divorce Attorney this week...I am content....I guess he isn't.

So what does that mean? Sadly my wall goes up and so will the games begin. It was nice while it lasted.....I finally orgasmed with ease...feeling so connected with someone. Oh well....I know the drama queen is rising inside of me....but is it so horrible to want 1 affair with 1 guy? I don't have time for the rat race...I don't have the energy....sigh....I can feel the tears coming....I can feel the emptiness again in my heart.....I guess if he finds someone that can do all that we do AND suck his dick as good as I do......then I'm happy for him. I need to feel wanted, not like a second fiddle....

The tears are beginning to flow, I gotta go before someone notices....sweet dreams