Howard Stern Single Guy

yes, I call him that because he has this weird obsession with Howard Stern. He is a loyal fan. Now I like Stern, don't get me wrong. I'm not really a regular listener but I personally find him very amusing and funny (his guests, well that's something different). However, I am not obsessed with him or anyone else for that matter. So we need to monitor the Howard Stern thing. I feel like maybe he needs to grow up...Only possible red flag so far...

From an email perspective, he is so entertaining. Yes, he comes out with those funny comments that Mystery Man used to make me laugh with. Okay, not as sexual and hot...but none the less funny. I asked him his favorite position and he referred to having similiar favorites as Lassie (yes, doggie...!!) And then I asked him if he had a telephone. His response. Funny I should ask, He actually just got a phone and did away with the carrier pidgeons...too expensive to feed and kept crapping on his car. Now, that made me giggle. I love that!

What I reminded myself is that I love creativity, wittiness and a great sense of humor mixed with sexuality. Yes, I love talking about how a man is going to get me to orgasm but quite frankly, you gotta have more. Mental masturbation.....I find that hot. A man with a brain...very hot. It excites me. Its a combination.

Well I don't know if all women are like me, but a Ashley hint.....don't start with all the generic dirty talk. Unless a woman is new to the Ashley site, its not creative. Mix fun talk with dirty talk....make it personalized. The ice cube story.....oh it is hot but quite frankly it was hotter when Mystery Man did it to me.....Walk the Talk baby!!

Okay, I am feeling sooooo much better. Man, I was a wreck. No pain killers today so I can function. Good thing I don't go back and read my posts. I do not even know what I wrote. LOL

Have a great day!! Woo Hoo! My heart is smiling a little bit. I needed some flirting and the construction guys looking at me as I walked by. Yes, the little things make a old lady like me feel hot!! lol

Two very different men

Been having this great talks with two new men. One is extremely sexual and it was turning me off a little. I like to get to know someone. Well after the ice cubes and writing letters on my body, we got down to talking a little about the people we are. It was great. I started to really like IMing him. We started to discuss meeting for coffee. Everything was perfect and then I said..wait, I haven't heard your voice yet. And he wouldn't call me. He said I would have to take a leap of faith. Phone records can be traced. Hmmm....yes, cell phone records but he could call me from his office. One local call is not going to set off any red flags. He refused. I told him I had to think about it. I felt my big leap was giving my number. He wouldn't bend on that. I told him I would think about it overnight but I already have my answer. I told him that I have played that Mystery Man game before and I won't do it again. I would let him know tomorrow. We signed off (he actually signed on just now for a second). Well I am holding to my guns. Not going down that path again and I don't think a call is unreasonable. It doesn't feel right so I am not going to do it.

As for single guy. Well here's the thing. We are having fantastic emails. And on the reverse side, they aren't sexual but about us.....work, favorite color...basic things. Yes, me, Cheri, does not know how to get him to the sexual side. do you not do that with single men? Is there another handbook I should be reading? I feel like a little kid with him. Nervous...excited....he mentioned a boob picture as a joke and then apologized about it. A true gentleman...now I need to get him to a sexual point. So tonight I said...I know your favorite color, now the questions get a little harder..... what is your favorite position? If he sends me back second base..I know there's no hope.

Maybe I don't know how to date single men. Is it like going back and being prim and proper and not sensual? I can do that....but I love the flirting and sensual chemistry. My oh my...something totally new to me. A man who doesn't even flirt too much in his emails. this is fun

Waiting for Mystery Man, I was falling into a depression. Missing him so and waiting for him to return. No one likes change and I wanted what I had before--Mystery Man and Mr. Porsche. Well it wasn't happening and it hit me hard but that was good. I have to move on a little. We all know if he emails tomorrow....I want him but I am not thinking about it.

I avoided Ashley because I didn't think I could handle the rollercoaster. If you've never been on Ashley, it's like a high. All these men who are looking for the same thing.....escape, sex, fun, flirting, sensual desire. No pictures so you begin by emailing and then the excitement grows and grows and then the picture exchange. Oh how you want to be attracted to each other...but sometimes you are not and the letdown. Of course, if you like what you see, fireworks, sparks, your insides get all fulfilled and excited about the anticipation of a love affair and your sexual desires are in overdrive!! Nothing beats that beginning of an affair. That is why it is so addicting and it pulls you back. The desire is overwhelmingly delicious.

I am excited about the Single Guy. Not as excited about the other one that he immediately revoked. That shows me he is a spoiled man who gets everything he wants or very black and white on things in life.

Okay, I am back off to bed. Mouth is killing me. The comment made by Sankukai---the Old Cheri. Yeah, she is here but I have changed in so many ways due to life's circumstances. But the girl in search of Mr. Married Prince Charming is still alive.

Ashley Fun Again!

As for the comment, that I am getting a male personality.....I have said that before. How funny! Looking back at my posts from two years ago, my entire mindset was different. I was looking for someone to help me escape. My emotions were so much deeper, my fantasies so much purer. Honestly, I have a new sense of me. I was never a girl to date more than one man at a time. I was the girl who always had a boyfriend that I was faithful to. And I always had a boyfriend. That one man who I lavished in my affection. Who the sun rose and set on.

And now, my mentality is different. Having two lovers allowed me to, as they say, not put all my emotional eggs in one basket. I like the fact that these men are not available..keeps me levelheaded and realistic. I realize I stayed away from Ashley because I knew, once I went back on...with a good attitude...back to the enjoyment of the hunt...that I would find someone. It's not cocky, its the truth. Its so much easier for a woman.

And I feel like a slut a little bit. I mean two years ago, if I guy asked have you ever been blindfolded? Have you ever (whatever he asked)...my answer would have been..no but I would like to try. Now, there isn't much a man can ask that is vanilla sex that I haven't tried. Geez...I've come a long way.

So, I went back on Ashley and found two new frogs. Yes, I am communicating with both frogs by IM and email. One frog...annoyed me today (here is a man's attitude again..lol). I saw his pix and he was handsome. He asked for mine but I got sidetracked with the children and frankly I had the oral surgery and my head is throbbing. So I didn't get to send him a pix for an hour. Like a baby, he revoked my key....I sent my picture and then he came back emailing, IMing and apologizing. So I am not sure about him. Quick on that revoke button there.

And then there is the Single Guy. Oh no. I am getting scared. He gives me those tingles and makes my heart anticipate his next email. They aren't sexual, he wants to get to know me. Its nice, he's educated...we're in the same industry. I really like him. Only problem is that he is into working out....and well, you know I get self conscious about my body. But I really like him as a person. Time is going to be an issue for meeting (I can't do those late nights or weekend nights). So I don't know....he makes me smile. He gives me those exciting sensations again. I am going to give it a shot. A single guy....breaking the rules but I am excited about it.

So that's it for now. I had the oral surgery and I am in pain so I am going to go to bed. Sweet dreams, I am back alive again!

The Choice To Have An Affair

Yes, it is a choice to have an affair(s). And after that great comment, it made me think. Yes, I do allow them to have too much control. Mr. Porsche's schedule is very hectic and it is easier for me to make scheduling adjustments but he does make me nuts with his lack of giving me enough time. So with him its an actual control of when we are going to meet (and he knows it annoys me so he has to start planning a little better. It's been discussed). With him its not an if but a when.

With Mystery Man, I agree again. His coming and going is not fair to me. Popping in and popping out of my life. Here's the thing....it was good when he left this time. And even though he's truly hurting....his depression has given me the blues. And saying that, you are right. I give them too much control. Truth is, I would choose to be with Mystery Man but I don't know if he is coming back and quite frankly, now I am getting annoyed at the control factor. He can't keep coming and going into my life. It's eating me up and putting me on a rollercoaster.

So, I have made another choice. The return to window shopping on Ashley Madison. I guess its a little unfair for a woman. I know men have to work on there. And as a woman, I was on there for one hour and met two men and began flirting with the Surgeon and Mr. Electric again. The surgeon is getting on my nerves. Either we meet or forget it. It's getting played. Mr. Electric, I had blown off because of MM and Porsche. I said hello and he wants to see me again. Not sure if I want to pursue that one first. The other two....one, I had spoken to before and can't remember if his pix made me feel no chemistry. But he will send me one tomorrow.

And then there is a new guy whose pix was up and he is single. Yes, I am breaking the rules with that one. We are in similiar fields. He seems educated, pix is cute and has never been married. Which makes me a little nervous. I am breaking my rules with this one but who knows. It's worth exploring. First question, why are you are Ashley and not Match.com? He is a Howard Stern fan (hence the Ashley commercials that are on there). But we will see. I don't get that excited till it progresses. Actually, those little butterflies flittered when I emailed him back. A sign to me that maybe I am ready to return to Ashley for some window shopping (and maybe I will find a frog I just can't resist)!

Yes, no more sad moments at Fredericks. But I do need closer with MM. If I don't hear from him in the next few days....its time for the closure note.

A Sad Visit To Fredericks of Hollywood

All excited, Fredericks was having a crazy sale..... 10 undies for $10....insane. I ran over there. Yes, I picked out 20 pairs of undies. I love their underwear....I feel so sexy in them. I arrived at the store and the woman knows me there. She has helped me with my bras (which I always get such rave reviews on because they make my tits look good).

But she also knows me because she was the one who left the store tag on the corset with Mystery Man and she has helped me with many outfits. We used to have this thing where he would pick a color and I would try and find something hot and alluring in that color. Fuschia was one once and she worked l ike crazy and found a great fuschia lingerie with fishnet stockings...a big hit.

So today I went in there and was looking around. Sales on some hot looking stuff....gorgous stuff, things I would normally jump on and now they were even 50% off. I love looking through their racks for sexy, sensual outfits. She said to me "OMG! I was thinking about you last week. this corset came in that I knew you would love....let me show you! How funny that you are here today, I haven't seen you in so long!"

And then it hit me. I used to run in there weekly or every other week for either a new lingerie or black stockings or fishnet stockings or sexy, crotchless underwear...the anticipation of buying something hot for Mystery Man was like shopping foreplay for me. The adrenaline would be a rush as I would find the perfect outfit outfit for him to ravage me in.

And then as I was looking on the racks, it hit me. Hit me like a ton of bricks. He's gone. I have no one to buy these outfits for. Mr Porsche barely sees that my underwear and bra match....actually he never sees that they match. It's not his thing.

So as I stood there and loved this black crotchless and purple undies....the tears came to my eyes. I don't have him to buy this stuff for. He's gone. He's really gone this time. I think it may be forever. How sad that my trips to Fredericks doesn't have that girlish excitement but is now replaced with an empty hole. I keep thinking he was going to snap out of it but his emails have been getting less and less. It's as if I held off the pain thinking that he just needed a break. So now, I realize that my depression is my subconscious knowing the truth. The closure has got to begin. I am going to hold off till Monday before I write a note....laying it on the line....."The Talk" 'The Question"...... I need to know if he has moved on. If we are over in his head so I can begin the closure process. I want to see him one last time, even if it is a good by.

An Entertaining Search on Ashley Madison

I don't know what made me search on Ashley Madison this morning. I guess I haven't been there in awhile and honestly I wanted to see if Mystery Man had been on in awhile. I am beginning to accept that he may be gone again.....his emails here and there are just a way to keep me there. I mean he could have just changed his Ashley and opened up a new account. I would never know.

So I ended up there and of course the temptation to browse around and see what is going on was just too inviting. It's like returning to your old neighborhood and wanting to visit and see what has changed.

Ashley Madison has gotten an site change. I like it. The environment has changed on there. I am shocked by how many men have their pictures available for viewing without asking for their key. So I am wondering are they just so damn arrogant or just so stupid? There's a slew of single men so of course they can have their pix up. But these married men....HELLO?!?!? I woman is browsing and come across a guy in the neighborhood--a friends friends husband. Do you think that she isn't going to tell her friend that his picture is on the site for all to see? You see, no one is going to question why that woman was on there (that fact will be dropped) but everyone is going to go look at this guys pix. And the wife will be mortified, embarrassed in front of the neighbors and friends...instant divorce.

So now here is another scenerio...a guy who puts a little line across his eyes. LOL I mean come on, what's the point. Someone who knows you is going to know that is you! I was howling today from the browse. I wouldn't even contact these men because they are too stupid. Let's see, you are in your car (oh no one would notice the car and you have a tiny line that just hides your pupil) LMAO.....

Or this one....and here's a lesson dear people. If you have any computer knowledge, you can copy the pictures on all these sites especially the ones that are visible with no keys. Hmmm...let's see.....how many men have this tattoo? Don't you think your wife knows the tattoo and all your friends know it? Show your face at this point...actually I thought this was on his ass at first...because I couldn't figure out the body parts.....

Okay so that was my entertainment on Ashley Madison for the day. I did see some hot prospects BUT they were in the next state over. Damn, I have something for men in that state. I always am attracted to them. But I have learned, the distance is too far. Yes, I have sampled at least 6 of them...lol

Am I back on Ashley? I did leave my profile up today. Why? Well, I feel like Mystery Man is gone and I am sad. But you are saying, you have something great with Mr. Porsche? Yes, but I know he visits those massage parlors with happy endings with his friends (kind of grosses me out and I take it as an insult quite frankly). So....I feel I have a right to do what I want at this point. Keep all my options open for another lover. Now if Mystery Man came back...I would shut down immediately. Do you think he is still having issues or am I sitting here waiting for someone who is out screwing around?

I don't have the energy to actively pursue on Ashley right now. But I am leaving my profile open for a few days and see what may find me. Who knows, maybe Mr. Married Prince Charming is there now.

Ashley reminds me of shopping at the clearance rack of some of the upscale clothing places. There is crap and then there is some excellent items that are mixed in between. You have to dedicate the time to going through each and every item to find the gold find!! And, you have to go back regularly and go through that clearance rack. Once you know the items, its easy to spot the new ones so a regular visit goes quicker. You know the merchandise. Now you may laugh, but in my area, the rich Jaguars pull up in the morning and browse the racks...its a hobby for them and they get a high from finding that Escada jacket marked all the way down.....

So, I am back as if its the first visit to the clearance rack and I don't have the time to go through the items...so let's see if someone finds me.....that blonde Escada jacket just put back on the shelf! LOL

Sex On the Darker Side

Before I begin. Today is 9/11. And as I am writing the end of this post, I realized that this is the exact time that I looked at the television and saw the plan hit and then live watched the second plan hit. Eerily, the town fire alarms just went off. I truly believe it was in honor of those that were lost. My heart goes out to all those people who knew people who died. My heart goes out to all my friends who survived and those that gave their endless days to the cleanup. The things
they saw, haunt them till this day. A moment of silence and I dedicate this post to them. Because quite frankly, the gentleman that I know who are suffering with the post trauma and those that are fighting now for our country...would enjoy my rendezvous post!! God Bless America and All of Us!!

MY RENDEZVOUS WITH MR. PORSCHE

I can't exactly explain it. Mr. Porsche has this slightly deviant and experimental side of him. He loves to see how far he can push, just out of my comfort zone but on the border of where I am not sure what to think of something. Looking back, I can't believe we did that. OR I can't believe I let him do that. But at the time, it is hot, erotic and so damn sensual. Now, I can hardly type it, I begin to blush. So here goes.....no judging please! lol


I actually was calling to tell him let's meet tomorrow but he had the whole afternoon planned and revolving around our rendezvous. So, even though I was not as horny as I had been (actually very stressed and not even having time for the mental foreplay of the anticipation of our meeting) BUT I decided to go with it anyway.


We met at the local place in my area. And when I knocked he let me in and we kissed so gently like we always do. It's not the rip your clothes off with us, its more of a caring lover's kiss. I come running in kiss him, show him some work and then start yakking about the myspace story. He laughs, amused by me. I can see in his eyes that he finds me entertaining (and he can't wait to rip my clothes off)! And so he starts...."Ok....I want my favorite tits already" and he starts undressing me.....and we are kissing and talking and chatting and laughing. It's comfortable, it's fun. And then he gets up and goes for the toys. He has a bag filled with toys and he bought new ones for today. Oh no....I get nervous when he says that. I never know what to expect from him.


First, he takes out the ropes. And ties my hands behind my back. The thing about Japanese Love Ropes, they get tighter and tighter (I will explain later). You know those chinese finger tricks as a kid...the more you pulled the tighter it got. BINGO! These ropes did the same! And then he pulled out some new toy which I couldn't see but it had a different sound to it (little did I know I would have a new favorite toy after today).


As you may know, I enjoy the submissive role but a man has to earn it with me. I don't just role over and give in...I am feisty, I will push a little bit.....test the limits in a playful way. Let's face it, do you want a challenge or a girl that just rolls over and gives in? I am that challenge...just enough that I know that I am instigating him...


I first work my way to his cock and start sucking like a wild woman....with my hands behind my back tied up. Then he moves my head down to his balls and I am licking and sucking..I know he loves a rim job..and so I work my way down just to hear that moan. Now he pulls me up and lays me on my back. He takes out clothes pins and places them on each of my nipples. First he sucks them so they are nice and pointy and then he clips them.....licking and nibbling on them so the sting is a combination of pleasure and pain.


That's the thing with him. I am on the border of pleasure and pain. As he is lubbing up my clit and teasing me now with the vibrator, he is playing with my nipples. I am not sure if its pain or pleasure....or quite frankly a combination of both....his technique is to get my clit so engorged and get me to the point where I want to cum but not let me. My body starts bugging out.....the desire is overwhelming and my need to cum is uncontrollable. Yet, he is able to get me to the point where I would do almost anything to be able to cum. My body is craving that euphoric wave. My mind can't think about anything else but cumming. I need to cum, I have to cum or I might die!

But he knows my body so well. Knowing just how far to push me and then slightly pull back so I just miss the orgasm and begin to ravagely crave it. Wild like an animal almost. So now, I am not sure what he is doing but there is a different feeling....is it a new toy? No....he's positioning me so that I know it is a body part.....but quite frankly I just want to cum. To my surprise, he has put his toes inside of me.....yes, I was soooo open.......that he was able to insert his toes...it took him awhile....and trust me, I couldn't move much after because I felt so fill....and with him playing with my nipples, it was hard to concentrate on what he was putting in....but I did realize it was his foot. Suprisingly, it was erotic, it was hot and I needed to cum so badly....i found myself moaning and enjoying it. In an offbeat way, that is was something new (and new for both of us I found out later). It didn't get me to cum but the deviant act with my insides so wide..my body was going wild. And then, the new toy!

But first, he was also pulling at the clothes pins and my nipples were dying...the pain, the pleasure...my mind couldn't figure it out. And suddenly, I realized the ropes had gotten so tight that I couldn't feel my hands. My need to hold onto something, made the ropes tighter and tighter.....he took off the ropes as he continued to play with me and the feeling to my fingers began to come back...lol. And now the new toy!

Yes, a G Spot vibrator! Oh my, oh my! OH MY!!!!!! This little vibrator was able to reach my gspot and make me cum....actually, better than anything I've ever experienced. Taking the clips off my nipples, and the blood rushing to them.....was pain/pleasure beyond belief, my clit engorged and dying to get relief and then this Gspot vibrator that when he reached the spot...I let out such a moan....he knew he found it. My entire body went into spasms, the rush that went to every nerve ending and the out of body experience. I know I screamed in pleasure as very nerve ending tingled....I had a double orgasm.....my clit hit its high as he was rubbing and then he got my Gspot.....OH WOW! I collapsed.....tingling and enjoying the mindset of total peace and balance. Where I was, is the best place in the world. I wish I could bottle that high. It would be worth billions!

We laid there and cuddled. He holds me tight telling me how he has never seen my nipples get so damn erect just as I was cumming. He said it was wild to watch. I love my cuddling time....I truly love holding someone and being held. He knows that and I don't even have to tell him. He automatically pulls me into his arms. I know he loves when I take my nails and gently tickle his arm and chest, drawing lines and sensual circles. That's whats so great about knowing someones body and their likes. It feels amazing.

Well its his turn now. you know I have to return the favor. I work my way down his body. My mouth going right to his cock and deep throating him totally. I work that baby....up and down, my hands, my mouth and of course me fingers......oh, I try the Gspot in his ass but its not the same...it doesn't go in that easy so I use my finger. Yes, the magic finger knowing exactly where to put my finger. Knowing exactly where to massage and put pressure. Its amazing to be able to feel a man pulsating (as a woman does) actually a man's ass muscles pulsate like the walls of a woman when they are getting excited and about to cum. And so I work it and what gets him over the edge is his desire to see another woman with me. A threesome but more that the woman is there for me and that I am experiencing something new. I think most men think of two woman just pleasing them. Mr. Porsche gets off on the thought of seeing a woman pleasing me and the fact that he was the first to introduce a woman to me. So I go with it and start talking to him about it...teasing him. So, you want to see a woman licking my breasts and me licking hers? A woman eating me out as you watch?

And then, his body got those spasms that I just had and he came so hard. Now here's the thing. Mr. Porsche is so about control. And when he gets like that, he is out of control and its wild to him that I can take him to that place. He started to laugh, a belly laugh after he came. And all he kept saying was Yeah....oh boy....and laughing. As we laid there after, I asked him, why were you laughing so hard? Because I made him cum so hard and took him so out of his comfort zone.

A first for him, is not easy to find but when I do get him there....I feel honored. Double cum, orgasms that blow his mind. yes it is good between us. And then we laugh and held each other. I hate when its over. Funny thing, we couldn't get the shower to work so he was in this tub. It was hysterical. I took a pix and he flipped. I teased him with it and he quickly erased it. Trust-I told him. Hey you want to take pix of me? He responded...not your face for the world to see.

And then he gave me those little pecks I love so much. And we left. I got home and my body was at peace. My head where it needed to be.....and even this morning..I feel amazing. The inner balance. Divorce Attorney called to meet me today. Honey, I couldn't fool around if my life depended on it. As I tell ,y girlfriend, its a Cloud 9 Day. Balance...mmmmm....sex is such the perfect medicine! And BTW, my wrist is black and blue today..hehehehhe

The MySpace Guy Comes To Life

My life is with out a doubt.....hysterical. The ups, the downs...I don't know too many people who have such crazy things happen to them on a regular basis.

I finally made it to the oral surgeon today. Yes, I am taking care of my teeth. From looking at me, you wouldn't know I have two teeth that are 1/2 teeth in the back. Broken crowns that I was too busy taking care of my family to take care of myself. But the Cheri Fucking Fund is going to buy me some implants! Yes, I deserve to whiten my smile and get those two teeth taken care of. Okay, that's not the funny part...

I am in the surgeons office, filling out the paperwork and this guy is looking at me. My cousin is a dental assistant there so I wasn't paying much attention and was talking to her. They did an x-ray and then I hung out with her at the desk talking (I admit it, they were pushing me through so I didn't have to wait....I had a meeting with Mr. Porsche. Come on, you know how badly I needed the sex!) So this guy goes in and then he comes out when I am by the desk. He looks familiar, but I can't place him. He's staring at me. Well from behind me he says..."Yes, everything is taken care of." I know that voice. After he leaves, it goes off in my head. That is the guy from MySpace!

For those of you who may remember (or those of you who are newer)....I had met this hot, gorgeous single guy on myspace. All the women were leaving him messages and falling in love with him. He lived in the next town over. He was so interested in me and I couldn't figure out why. I mean....he was stunning. But he was heavily pursuing me. I wanted to meet but he ket avoiding it. We would talk for hours and he really was so nice and fun. Finally, I said ok, I am not your type....you are looking for a young, single girl so let's not pursue it further. Truth was, he finally admitted it....it wasn't him in the picture. He pulled the guy off of the internet. At that point, I didn't even want to know what he looked like. I felt so betrayed. He kept sending me notes, emails, text messages.....I asked him to leave me alone. He did send his picture (nothing like the guy) but that wasn't the point. He lied. In my head, he was someone else.

So that was him. I think he knew it was me. Two weeks ago, was his last text to me. I told my cousin. She was dying. I asked her....Is his name ? And she said YUP....I told her the story. She was dying. How ironic.

So.....the dental appointment went well. Teeth coming out next week. The surgeon was wonderful. Honestly, he heard so much about me already from my cousine throughout the years that we felt like we knew each other.

And then my meeting with Mr. Porsche. Well...well....well.....I thought last time was hot and I was nervous we wouldn't meet expectations again. All I can say is OH WOW! Something about him. He knows just how to move me over the line of comfort. He gets me to do things that feel so right at the time but now I am even embarrassed to write about. Today we did things that were not even on my list of things to do!!! lol And we took each other to a place where neither one of us has ever been before! WILD! But you are going to have to wait till tomorrow. My nipples are so damn sore, I have to soak them in the bath...lol

Sweet Wet Dreams....honestly, I came so much today, I don't think there is any cum left in me!

Horny..Horny Monday

Yes, I am so friggin horny...I don't know what it is....I am dying to have sex right now. And here I am, no one in sight. Sigh....hot, wild sex to relieve my stress. I mean I was so used to getting it once to twice a week. Once every three weeks....geez.......I need a nice hard cock....yes, wild...I need wild sex....right now!!!!!!!

Okay, I feel a little better.....getting that off my chest. Actually Mr. Porsche is on the golf course w ith clients right now. He picked up the phone and I said....."You know you were right today that you were suppose to be playing with balls and holes...but baby, you were suppose to be playing with my holes and I was suppose to be sucking your balls! Let me meet you in the bushes....hit your ball out!" Yes, he laughed....he loves when I catch him off guard and talk dirty to him..I love knowing that he can't answer...that I am in control. Hehehehe

So here I sit. Dying for a nice hard cock....sigh.....I think I am going to take a nap now to try and unwind a little.....

Oh, I changed my setting so everyone can leave comments....I didn't realize I had left it so some people couldn't. It's been like that for a year now...I forgot to set it back!!! I LOVE comments, so comment away!

Mystery Man and Mr. Porsche in my life today

Okay, so do you think I am in a great mood because I had an excellent day at work? Actually a phenomenally gratifying day. I surpassed all my goals for the 2nd quarter....a superstar (thank you thank you!!) I was so thrilled and felt so amazing.

And then, an email came through. My heart skipped a beat. My heart got all warm and fuzzy...I could feel the life dancing inside of me....yes, Mystery Man. Just a wise ass comment to a picture of hands that I sent him (they were painted and were just cool looking. No sex involved). And he wrote back...those could cum in handy.....he cracks me up.

Of course, I wrote back.... why that was entertaining, I can think of MUCH MORE entertaining things I could do with my hands (and with your hands). Here are some sample ideas.......

and of course I sent him these pix. Oh you know, I so want him to get a damn hard on and think of us in the dressing room of Lord and Taylors. Or seeing my face in the mirror as he fucks me from behind and he throws me a kiss. Or throws me up against the wall as he passionately licks me.....sigh.....sex is hot with that man. Oh how I was soooo lucky. Oh how I sooooo badly miss it.

Mr. Porsche called today. Yes, I was hornier than anything. I was determined to work him up. He's been overly stressed, he worked till 3AM last night and slept in his damn office. I needed to loosen him up a little....so I started on him. You like when I lick your cock don't you? Can you imagine me under the desk right now? Oh you love when I lick your balls and then move my tongue to your ass! Woo Hoo!! Hard On Success!

Now he's laughing "Crap, the driver just walked in and I have the hugest hard on.....great the Fed Ex guy is with him too....he was running behind his desk to cover his bulge in his pants. Now I am laughing at the visual of this. Oh he misses me. He frantically looked at his calendar...Monday or Thursday. We are on!

So, what made my mood soar? What gave me the biggest smile today? All three actually...I am just so happy right now that my heart feels smiley...I am trying to think of how I am feeling inside right now. That emptiness is not totally there.....its like a warm, fuzzy, smiley feeling I feel inside. Is there a better word for it? Whatever it is, I just feel better and it feels good.

Brad Hanson the Emotional Affair Man for Palin?

Brad Hanson is his name. Supposedly they flirted with each other but never consummated the deal with Sara Palin. So? Emotional Affair....hmmmm.....yes, with all our country has to worry about...we should be concerned with flirting. Actually, here is a pix of Brad Hanson. He actually resembles Todd, her husband a little.

Okay, definitely not juicy enough for me to keep me interested. Interesting fact, he supposedly was having his divorce papers sealed today. Now that is interesting. There is a gay porn star by the same name, Brad Hanson. Now that would be a story!

Did Sara Palin Have An Affair ?!?!!

I need to know, is there any politician that hasn't cheated on their spouse? For some reason, I don't buy this one, but you never know. Stranger things have happened. She just seems to have a whole lot of skeletons in that closet of hers.

The Enquirer reported that Sara Palin had an affair with her husband's former business associate. According to the Enquirer "Todd discovered the affair and quickly dissolved his friendship and his business associations with the guy."

Come on...the National Enquirer...has to be the truth, right? LOL

So what do you think? True or Not? And what do you think of Governor Palin?

Personally, I am undecided. I can't figure out of I like her or not. Does anyone look at the issues anymore? It seems its all about Male/Female and Black/White. Quite honestly, I do not care if they were purple and Asexual...baby, let's get to some real issue discussions already. Do we have to remind the politicians were are at war, that people are suffering in our country, that oil is out of control? I am actually leaning towards not liking her....her stand that even a woman who is rape or in an incest situation shouldn't be allowed to have an abortion. That really bothers me.

I'm sorry, I had to vent. A Cheri Political Moment. But I have to tell you....I do confess...I did look at Governor Palin's husband and thought he was attractive and I had wondered if HE cheated....hehehehhehe...I would have swore I met him on Ashley Madison! (Before the government starts snooping on me again...I'm kidding. Remember when the government came to my site daily because of Mr. Government?...too funny).

Masturbate And The World Becomes Clearer

Did you ever notice if you masturbate....you feel so much more focused after. Masturbation clears my head (I don't know if it does it for anyone else). But for me, those circles on my clit with my two middle fingers manages to relax me. A little fantasizing and I after those pulsations go through my body....I am at peace. Amazing how I didn't start masturbating until 3 years ago and days like today...I did twice.

Today was a rough day. I rarily have full blown anxiety attacks but last night the clock turned 6AM and I was still up. The worries were overcoming my head. The anxiety of life, the walls were caving in. And I wanted Mystery Man sooo badly. Flashbacks of us fucking in the Lord and Taylor fitting room and certain great memories kept floating in and out of my head. WE had amazing times, amazing laughs and close moments. I miss them . Comparing him to Mr. Government, I realize what we had was so much deeper and even fulfilling. Sigh...the difference this time, I am not mad. I am worried about him. Truly worried. The hubby is doing stupid stuff that is going to cause him to lose his job and I have to figure out how to move up my career. Enough to obviously cause me to toss and turn all night..finally I went to the couch with a book and passed out for two hours. Needless to say, the day was a waste today. Working but half asleep and still having anxiety..my chest feels like its going to explode. I worry about moments like this.....am I losing it?

Mr. Porsche called today. Honestly, I wasn't mentioning the credit card thing. But he did...I got your email, he said. Forget it..I said, He said...No, when you put it that way I don't know what I was thinking. Your right, I'm sorry....I mean I trust you with everything...it was ridiculous.
And then I felt better that he saw my point but I wasn't mad anymore. I am like that...a Volcanic explosion and then I forgive someone.

So I hope everyone is doing well out there.......my sex life has been so boring with only one man! I've been debating about Mr. Divorce Attorney. He called today. We talked...he said since he saw me, he can't stop thinking about me. So sweet....its nice to feel wanted.

Can You Surrender In the Game Of Real Life?

Working so hard, Mystery Man gone and its the end of the month and the finances are insane. Broken car, broken teeth, broken burner...yes, I think the burner died today. I have had enough. I just want to surrender and give up....I am tired of working and not being able to pay the bills. And this is with the hubby still here....I don't want to do this anymore. I am pretty good at what I do, yet underpaid. Can't take a chance when the hubby is being paid so little. So what do I do? i'm tired....and I'm so lonely and I feel like a failure. I feel myself retreating more and more from the world around me. I'm done...I know that a man shouldn't bring you happiness but MM helped me get through a week. That magical, lustful escape with the hottest sex. I wonder if he knows that his dark, depression has put me into one too. I want to write to him, I've been leaving him alone..I don't want to lose him forever.

Wow, its been awhile since I was feeling like this...my excitement for the day was looking for a prostate massager for Mr. Porsche online! hehehe...ok, a little sleeping pill and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. So....anyone win the Mega that cares to share? lol

You trust me with your cock in my mouth BUT

Weird thing happened today with Mr. Porsche and while it probably shouldn't bother me,it really does. I do work for him and a project needed to be paid for. I charge him cost so I asked him for his credit card number. And he didn't want to give it to me. Mind you, I have a credit card number (and even an actual credit card) from each of my clients for some reason or another. If I am going to charge cost for something, I have them pay direct for it (and they appreciate it....this way they never question if I was making money on it).

Now I know he likes to control everything...and it wasn't the cost, it was the fact that I would have his credit card number. I was shocked. First of all, he should know me better. I pride myself on the person I am. I know I have had affairs BUT I don't lie or steal about anything else EVER in my life. And he knows me. I mean, I was approached this week (indirectly) by my biggest competitor and I turned the person down. Ethics is important to me. Yes, the money would have been amazing and quite frankly, I threw out a number that was so ridiculous so that he wouldn't approach me directly (I would have to burn all bridges, and I am not like that). Stupid? Probably....but that is who I am.

Am I crazy for being hurt by his reaction? He did give it to me in the end....But, think about it. This is a man who trusts me with his cock deep inside my throat, my long nails up his ass rubbing his prostate....a man who trusts my business instincts and brainstorms with me on business decisions......a man whose biggest secret in the world I hold, where we both could cause both our lives to completely tumble if our affair was found out.....and he's worried about a damn credit card. I mean if I was a thief, I could steal it while he was in the shower, 100 times by now....GEEZ...I am hurt and while I know I should have let it pass....I couldn't. I had sent him some business stuff we are working on and of course I mentioned it in there. Actually was considering to not even use the credit card but frankly, its the end of the month and he would have to wait till Wednesday for me to order it if I put it through my business.

Please explain men to me?

On a side note, my son has been wanting an earring. I have always said I was going to make a big deal out of it for him to get one (although I think men look hot with an earring). Anyway, he's been asking for two years and yesterday....I just said ok. He was shocked. And then he went and got an earring. Now my son is a quiet boy. Very handsome, but quiet and shy (ok, not like I am today but like I was when I was younger). Anyway, I pick him and his friends up tonight (did I mention that I am the cool mom who is allowed to be the pickup)...and the boys got into the car and one of them said that a girl gave me son her number! Hehehehehe.....how funny....my son was blushing but I was so excited for him. My baby is growing up. Funny thing....I haven't seen him in the shower for a long time...I used to worry, well his pecker was soooo small. Two weeks ago, I saw him in the shower for the first time (I have glass doors and had to run in quickly)...and I was relieved to see...he has finally hit puberty....lol Funny how you hate to think of your children in that way. Oh my...that's like thinking of your parents having sex....UGH!!!! lol

Met with Divorce Attorney

Well I finally met with divorce attorney. After almost 2 years, we met face to face again. And quite frankly, he is bigger talk over the email. I think he is a little shy and just such a newbie that he was super nervous.

I was nervous too about meeting him. I mean I gained 10 lbs sincse the last time I saw him. My hair wasn't colored or cut and quite frankly, I wasn't feeling sexy. But I said who cares....let him see me at my worse.

Well we sat in his car and talked because the bookstore was packed (doesn't anyone go to the library anymore?). He was sweet, talking to me about this and that as he had the biggest hard on in his pants. The brush test was not necessary...that cock was standing out. Trying so hard to be a gentleman....I reached over and kissed him.....then slowly traced my nail up and down his face...he loved it. He gave a little boy giggle and smile.

You eyes are gorgeous..he told me. And your smile so inviting...hmmm...very nice. I brushed the outside of his pants (tease, I know) and he moaned a little. Yes, he loved the attention and I loved feeling wanted.

I got my consult about my divorce. Basically, I am screwed is what he said. He told me to try and go to a mediator too. I will have a better chance then when lawyers get involved.

I left him and he texted me. You look great!! I giggled..can you imagine how sexual I would have been if I felt sexy.

Spoke to Mr. Porsche too today. Funny how we re-aligned after a fabulous day of sex. We are sweet and cuddly again on the phone with each other. Of course I was thinking this weekend...was the sex better because Mystery Man is out of the picture? Did we connect better because it is just us now? I truly wonder.

Okay, I am off to bed. Have a damn toothache. It figures, I was looking for a dentist online yesterday and today, I get a toothache. Rrrrrrr....I hate dentists....

I Am A Squirter!

Today was unbelievable HOT!! I met Mr. Porsche. I have to tell you....this was THE MOST AMAZING SEX WE HAVE EVER HAD!!!

I got the room early, he was running late. Honestly, until an hour before, I didn't even know if we were on for sure. I told him to relax, I had plenty of time. Yes, I had worked through the night to clear my afternoon in hopes we would meet. Waiting for him, I dozed off thinking how hot it would be for him to blindfold me. My phone rang....work...I jumped up and was on the phone with business when he walked in. I threw him a kiss....and he began to undress. "do yu have to make any calls?" he sweetly asked, hearing my conversation was a serious issue. Nope, I'm clear and the next thing you know.....he threw a blindfold on me and began to undo my bra and take off my panties. Giggling, I said...hey, I didn't even see you....he comes closer and kisses me so gently and then I hear it......BUZZZZZZZ......not a vibrator but his shaver!

I have been letting my pubic hair grow since he went away. He had said he was going to shave me and he never had the time so I let it grow (ok, trimmed it but was not the landing strip I usually have). OMG!! He was shaving my pubic hair...I was giggling....he was making a heart! Totally unexpected and hot! And then, the shave was over and he went down on me.....sucking and biting my clit. Oops forgot about the nipple clamps he put on my nipples! So erotic, so hot...he went down on my pussy like he hadn't eaten in years! Mmmm......I could feel myself wet and I could feel his fingers inside of me.....play with your nipples...he said...and so I obeyed. Slowly he moved my nipples to my mouth...lick your nipples.....so I was licking my nipples and he was eating me out. And, I came....the rush overcame me. And that was just one of I think 5 for the day....

Today was different than other days. He ravaged me! Kissing me with the blindfold as if we couldn't get enough of each other. It was hot, it was intense. I was moaning and sucking face with such a force as the vibrator was now in my ass....another rush! With the blindfold, it was different. the feelings more intense...the kissing so much more fulfilling as if we would never kiss again or passionate makeup sex. Today I was different. I didn't care about my pouch or my legs or anything. Maybe because I couldn't see them. Whatever the reason....my legs were in the air and he was fucking me hard and I was totally free, enjoying each thrust......He was pumping away and I was in heaven.

Mr. Porsche and I usually have sex for an hour or so. Today it was over 1 1/2 hours nonstop! the two of us were sweating but it made it even hotter. Sex as if you could never have it again. Of course a little doggie style and I came again. Geez...all this horniness bottled up with a little roughness.

Now we switched and I put the blindfold on him. I teased him about the shaver. The vibrator and the shaver sound the same when you have a blindfold on. So I put the vibrator near him and he jumped...Trust I said. And he laughed. He still has sex with his wife so any shaving would be noticeable.....not daring? I giggled loving the control. No, not stupid..he laughed.

I sucked his cock and licked his balls. I had the vibrator lubed and up his ass......I was licking that sensual area between his balls and his asshole....and even went down to lick his hole. He moaned...Get on Top...and so I did...and I rode him like a cowgirl! Oh yes, I am starting to get this on top thing down!! But he still did not cum! I take it personally although he is definitely enjoying himself. But his cock will go rock hard and then get a little softer and hard again. I was determined to get him to cum. I worked and worked and sucked and sucked and licked.....it was intense....he was hard but couldn't get there. I could feel his prostate pulsating but he couldn't get just to that point to cum.

He ripped the blindfold off and we began to fuck with me on top even more....then I leaned over and he fingered me....with a finger up my ass, and two fingers inside of me.....as I was on my knees....I felt a wave and this pop! And then I heard him say...Oh wow....you just squirted....I did what? What just happened to me?!!? I squirted?! I didn't even know girls were able to do that until a year ago when I saw it on a porn site?! I SQUIRTED!!!!! Woo HOOO!!!! Another first in my life!! WOW! I was so excited. It was because my clit was so sensitive and he just kept going at it. I usually pull away but he wouldn't let me....he kept working it and hitting my G Spot and wow, that was amazing.

I went back down on him determined to get him to cum....after squirting, I was exhausted though and lied my head in his lap and suckled his cock as he stroked my hair. A minute to rest and it was sensual and erotic. He loved it too. Watching me gently suck his cock as I relaxed in his lap and he played with my hair.

I jumped on him backwards on top...(didn't like that so much) then I went down to make him cum. He talked about how he wanted to bring a woman into the room. Not to touch him at all but to just suck on my tits and to watch me suck on hers....as well as other areas. I told him I don't share....he said I don't have to, she wouldn't touch him. I am not ready for that...he didn't push it just talked about it more.

So back to my determination to making him cum. We are talking the vibrator up his ass, me licking his balls and him helping jerk off his cock. Finally, he came. All over my face.....and we giggled...I opened my mouth so he could try and aim. IT went everywhere except in my mouth.

Okay, he was running late for a meeting but he knew I have to cuddle. Come up here and let me give you your 3 minutes of cuddling. He knows I love that time that I lie in his arms and he kisses me gently and I play with my finger nail going up and down his chest. We lie and talk and I love that time. It's so private, it's so just us. I'm on the wrong side....I complained. Today you are staying here. Did you know that the right side is the dominant sleeping side? We are both right side sleepers and we laughed. Two control freaks...lol

"I want a full day with you in September" I blurted out. We'll see, I can't explain a full day he said. Oh come on!!! We'll see. Well I started to tickle him and he started to fall off the bed and now I was saying.....say yes, say yes. He was laughing so hard and squirming and falling off the bed. we literally were on the floor as we both fell out of the bed and I was still tickling him. Laughter is great....it relieves so much stress. He finally got me in a hold....and leaned over and said "I will see if I can....I promise and then he kissed me gently. Yes, I am a sucker for a gentle kiss. We jumped in the shower and talked work. And then we rushed to get dressed.

We kissed a few more times and he hugged me. I hate good bys, especially when the sex is so damn good.

I left this time and I felt like I do with Mystery Man. That sexual high. I was happy, very happy. I had a presentation tonight after this and Mr. Porsche called me from the car. Good luck baby on your presentation tonight. Now that meant the world to me. He makes me feel so good. Sigh, 2:25AM and the day feels like centuries ago. But today, I squirted...I never thought I could. I wonder how that happened?!? Damn, I love good sex!

Work. work and more work makes Cheri a dull, dull, horny girl!

Spoke to Mr. Porsche today. Actually he called and I couldn't pick up. He left a message Call me....hmm..as if we spoke 10 minutes before not almost a week ago. So I thought about not calling back and then I said....now that's babyish...but I will get ready and then call. And so I was getting ready and an hour later he called again "Okay, playing hard to get are ya! Please call me". I started to giggle....so he knew me so well but not as well as he thought. I was going to call back.

I called him and we talked and I wasn't going to give him a hard time BUT I had to do a dig..."so when you said I'll call ya back last Wednesday, I guess you didn't specify WHICH Wednesday so technically you may be a day early!" He started to laugh. We talked for a minute and then he said I am going to have to call ya back....he did but I had run downstairs so he left another message but I just called back.

It was so nice. He made the time to talk like we used to talk. Almost 45 minutes. Catching up, sharing our lives. I told him about the client and I knew he would have some great advice...that's what I was looking for. I love that he is so assertive, so business minded and so willing to give me great advice on things. His advice was exactly what I decided to do so I felt great that he re-assured me. I love when he says so what are you going to do about it? Knowing that I have to take action. Yes, he immediately came up with two solutions....and it felt so good to talk to him about them. Something I am missing from my life right now. A friend. A partner to bounce life off of.

I got off the phone and felt good. About a 1/2 hour later I listened to his message. "You know you should be here right now under my desk sucking on my cock that is yearning for ya. mmm...I love the way you suck my cock!" I laughed and sent a text knowing he was in some big meeting "just got your voice mail....correction baby. You should have your face in between my legs sucking and licking my clit until I have an intense orgasm!" lol

A pleasant surprise when I was on the phone with a client...Mr. Porsche chimes in at the end of the day. "hey baby..so you hadn't gotten my message before our conversation. Nope,I said did you get my text? He just laughed. Oh, my clit needs some intense licking from you....I think you need the nipple clamps too!....mmmm...such a luscious thought, I can't wait! We talked a little and then he said :honey, I just wanted to say I hope your day gets better! Thanks baby, talk tomorrow! And we hung up. We are okay. A little strained but ok.

I felt so much better. I felt so less alone. That there was someone in my corner that I trust with a great business head to brainstorm with. I laughed that today, I was probably better than I have been in days. I was focused. I was determined to work. I told my client a little about the other client's vicious attack. I wanted him to know just in case he threatened my position that I had to swallow a little of my pride to keep the business. He agreed that we have to keep dexpanding our business leads.

Found a hottie on Ashley

Well, there is this cute guy on Ashley...I sent him a note. I keep my profile off so he actually didn't respond back. Probably thought it was a fake...oh well. I don't want to leave it on because I will then get emails from others and I am not ready to answer. Although, I have found myself doing searches lately. Hmmm....maybe I am ready to re-enter the world!

Mr, Porsche is MIA. and I am upset. I have a feeling I will hear from him tomorrow but our relaionship is strained right now. Wow, two months ago....I was the most content woman and now I have no one. Amazing how life works...

Well today I found this story online. How fucking funny.. This woman is selling her husband's cheating girlfriends underwear and the emty condom wrapper. Only on the internet!! Man, I want to sell something offbeat. I have to figure out what!





Funny, life is so amusing!

Dry Spell....Horniness is Killing Me

I don't know how much longer I can take these sexless weeks. I mean I was having amazing, amazing sex with two men......and now......I need more batteries for my vibrator. I hate walking around with that tight feeling and there being no relief. This truly sucks. Oh I will see Mr. Porsche this week. I think the anticipation is what is getting me all worked up tonight. I just want hot, wild sex. I just want to be fucked from behind till I drop from exhaustion.


Yes, all this stress with work and home.....I need a relief. I did write MM. I joked but then I had to tell him that I missed him terribly. I do miss him terribly. Is it time to start going back to Ashley?? Or do I dare to venture to the ...oh my, SINGLES sites....Do I try Match.com?

I am not ready for Match.com I don't think. Those people are looking for relationships.....right now, I want sex. That's it. I am tired of emotion....wow, I sound like a man. But my head is filled with emotion....hmmm....a hot boy toy escort service....interesting thought....6 pack...no attachment...it would be something new....another add to my experiences...well, I know I won't do that...disease scares me...BUT its a great fantasy to take to the tub with my waterproof vibrator right now.

Yes, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a new week (I know technically today was) and I am determined to start it off right. A little masturbation and a little fantasy. Yes, I am determined to make this a great week.

Oh, funny story. I needed my brakes fixed today. But I went to the place late in the afternoon. I decided to go down there even though they usually will only take your car before 12n. So I went down in a tank top and shorts....and smiled and acted innocent (oh I didn't know....isn't there anything you can do for me?) And....my car got fixed! lol I had it by closing. Okay, I felt a little guilty when they turned another two people away and someone whose car came in at 12 they wouldn't do...he had to leave it. But that gave me the lift I needed. Cheri baby, you can do it. You can build that business you want to build......and yes, that stupid little car situation made me realize.....I CAN DO IT!! Now if I could just find sexual contentment again....can you imagine the miracles I could perform????!! LOL

A Lesson Learned...

I have had a very big strain with a client lately. What went down last night was mind blowing. Vicious and manipulative and quite frankly....disgusting. He requested a meeting because someone important was in town. In a terrential storm, I drove there. Before I left, like a lunatic, I ran home printed out some material I wanted to give to him (that I worked on till 2AM) and as I was running out, my new folders had arrived for my business. I grabbed the folder (because it was at the door and glossy) and this way his work wouldn't run in the rain.

It was a great meeting at his home..martinis, sushi....the person we were meeting I do a lot of work with....it went very well. The folder was on the couch so afterwards, the client and I could discuss the work that I had brought. this person asked me to see it and I took out my clients work and gave it to him. Can I take this? I will be more than happy to do give you some free services.....I had them printed for a big presentation I am giving, I had said. And think, we got you more clients....(which was one of the things my client and I were working on). This gentleman left and everything seemed okay and out of no where...he attacked. Accusing me of planning this...being manipulative and not being focused on his business. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I had no idea what he was talking about. I can see behind your manipulations, don't lie. You purposely brought that to pitch to him your company.

I broke down in tears. That was the farthest thing from my mind...it never crossed my mind at all. His work was in there....I wasn't even showing it to this person. My client was vicious and ruthless....ssaying he was doing this all for me. He spent $10,000 so I could look good and succeed at this big project I have been working on...

First, I have never been attacked like that by anyone, let alone a client. He continued to attack me on something else that I also did nothing wrong. It's a long story but he got me to work for him based upon an agreement that he would be getting more work for me for another client. the other client agreed to let me work for him part time. What he was accusing me of was asking for some business from his office (which I said jokingly--hey don't forget about my client when you are referring that work).

I have never been attacked like this in my life. In any capacity....I was hysterical because this man was accusing me of being the scum of the life. I pride myself on my work ethics and my intregrity. I could approach things so much differently and get further but I believe in ethics first. He also threatened me with cutting off work to my main client which he knows threatens my job. And then, he's going on and on how he wants to help me and make me succeed. Be my mentor and make sure I am taken care of.

I have never left so exhausted. He said let's forget it and was charming at the end. but I was shooken beyond belief. I could lose everything. He now wants to get me a permanent position with this company.....yes, it would be stability and I would be mserable. He said he would be losing me but he wanted what is best for me. Reality is.......I would be indirectly working for him and the client I would have to give up......I would be now working for their competition. I know its confusing but basically...he would still benefit.

I was in bed all day with a migraine. Such power this man has and he is scary. What I think bothers him is that I am proceeding with my dream which he a year ago wanted to invest in. I am proceeded without his help. And he wants my 100% dedication to him and my company is sidetracking me. Its not. the man pays me for 6 hours a week of work and he gets over 20 every week. Sometime 40!

So now what? Is he really looking out for me? I cannot believe that someone would be like this but quite frankly I am in atouch spot right now. I could lose three clients...basically 99% of my money. He could pull his work, another clients and destroy my other client. POOF...and he knows it and don't think he would hesitate to destroy me (even though he says he is doing this all for me). He's angry because I am not content. Honestly, after taxes I walk away with $9500 a year. It's the other jobs that are pulling in for me.

I thought all day and I decided...I have to continue with my company. I have to continue and start building quicker. I have to expand my clients base so that we won't have to rely on his work. You can attack my work, you can attack anything but to attack me as a person. I didn't need to give that guy my info....I speak to him 6 times a week on the phone and email even more. The fact that my client would even think that would cross my mind...I am really sick about it.

So after such abuse..I still have a job to do for him. And quite frankly, I am going to be a professional and for myself, I am going to succeed at it. I stayed and took the abuse because of my children. But next time, I know I am going to have to walk. So it is 3AM, I can't sleep. I am sitting here working on my company.....and after a day of lying in bed and thinking about it....last night gave me the push that I needed. It's time to move forward. I know what I have to do...get the business moving.....and i I see it is getting somewhere...serve my husband with the divorce papers so he has no rights to my company before I start getting successful.

Yes, I am a good person with a good heart. I have my faults but professionalism is not one of them. I am good at what I do....so last nights disaster will hopefully give me the strength to move on. Fighting the odds but I am going to win. Nothing is more powerful than a determined woman on a mission for survival.....

Yum, Beer!!

For some reason, I so badly desired a beer after this commercial!!

An Empty Crater In My Heart

I started the day off in a real bad way. Feeling overworked and sad and ALONE. I have worked like a dog today and I feel so unappreciated. A client calls today-yes, the one who made me cry. All of a sudden he was sweeter than sugar. He needed me for something. Yes, it's this one client that truly takes advantage and works me to the bone.

My phone rang again. It was a friend who had bad news....my child's friend had died in their sleep. Secret Lovers Lane is not a place for kids, but with my life entwining so lately....and my emotions in flux..my different parts of my life are crossing. A sinking feeling and tears filled my eyes. With out getting into detail, we all dedicate our lives to our children....however, with a child with severe disabilities....the dedication is tremendous. You give your heart, your soul, your life...my heart ached for this mom today. And I have not been able to get this child's face out of my head. A child who was always happy and smiling and always filled my heart with warmth when I saw him. This child was extremely special demonstrating amazing strength with so much working against him. So I have a wake next week that is going to be heart wrenching.

The rest of the day, I threw myself into my work. Trying not to come out of it but the emptiness was so deep that it actually hurt. My chest hurts today. I kind of looked around and said What am I doing? I work like crazy to pay for a house, doing a job that I am underpaid for and stuck in a marriage that is loveless and not able to spend quality time with my children. Something
isn't right here.

And then....Mystery Man came to my head. Yes, my heart is aching for him too. How I wish that I could run to him and just get lost in his arms. How I can see us lying together as I gently kiss his face from his lips to his ear and so gently back again. How flashbacks of us fucking from behind as I look up at him and I can feel our souls connect and he would smile and throw me a kiss in the mirror. I don't know how we can leave that behind.....how I realize now how he was my escape from it all. How our bodies just melded together and our souls healed each other. I have held myself back all night from sending him an email...just saying I had to let you know, I Miss You So Much Tonight. But I didn't send it.

the truth is I don't even want to go upstairs tonight. The tears are finally falling now and I am not sure exaclty why I am crying. I think its the just the whole ball of wax...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I haven't felt like this in a long time.....a definite depression. Sweet Dreams My Friend!!

Afraid of Getting Old and All Stressed!

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When Life is A Rollercoaster--Take it for A ride!

Today, I did something I haven't done in years. I had to travel and pick up one of my kids 3 hours away. The ride did me good...it gave me time to think. Actually, I blasted the music they whole way...a great feweling with the sunroof open and the windows and my hair blowing in the wind.

He happened to be in the town where Soulmate Chris lives. Yes, my first true connection in this crazy world I live in. the first man who held me with such passion and kissed me like I don't ever remember being kissed. My podcast buddy, the man who literally saved me when I was desperate and alone. We haven't spoken in over a year. Today I called. I dialed and he picked up and honestly there was silence when he heard it was me. I could feel the pit open in his stomach and his heart skip a beat. The first 3 seconds were awkward and then we started to talk for about a 1/2 hour. It felt good. He asked about me, I just filled him in about the divorce announcement. He was happy for me that I sounded so together.

He had gotten caught...sadly after he had given the affairs up. And honestly, he's back on track and so is his marriage. I told him how happy I was for him and truly glad my friend was doing so well. We chatted about podcasts and life and us. He told me he would have met me but he was going to a theme park with his kids. Funny, I was thinking about doing that with my son too today since I was only 15 minutes away. I decided not to tell him. We probably wouldn't see each other so why stress him out. As we were hanging up....so happy that I called....."I miss you buddy....keep in touch. Call once in awhile to just touch base." I miss you too and I will he said. It was warm, it was nice and I am so glad he was a part of my life. Funny how someone can be with you for a year and you talk 2o times a day...and now....its warm fuzzy memories.

So now I went to the theme park with my son and we had an amazing time. I don't get to spend quality time with him but today we did. It was Rollercoaster Day. Yes, we went on 6-7 rollercoasters. What a rush!! That feeling of escape....of screaming and laughing and enjoying the speed and the flips.....I love rollercoasters! One after another after another....it was insane. My son actually gave up before I did.

We ate crap all day. We laughed, we talked....and we went on some wild rides. A perfect day!! I do think Soulmate Chris saw me at the park..because at one point my phone rang 5 times.....private...and the person didn't leave a message. I checked it so if he was watching me, he would have seen me checking. I probably was blowing his mind that I was there. But quite frankly, I didn't care.

Cumming A Long Way Since My First Affair

I decided to re-do the Rendezvous Radio website with better information for having an affair. So to my surprise, I went to the website and was amazed. Amazed at how different I am today from when I was then. There was a teenage dreamy feel to my thoughts and desires. You can sense the excitement, the desire and I wrote such great poems of desperation.....ite
Reading the website, I realized that I have become an amateur in the field yet no longer that newbie with rose colored glasses and starry eyes. I still believe in romance, I still believe in my soulmate is still out there. But that virgin cheater in me is gone.

I want to thank you all for your advice on the MM matter. And quite frankly, you are 100% right. I sent a sweet note to MM that I care and I am here for him. Realizing how much I do miss our rendezvous' and escapes. Yes , I miss his lips, I miss his cock, I miss the amazing sex! My desire to hold him again is overwhelming but I have to accept it for now.

And Mr. Porsche....my feelings...getting way too comfortable for him. He's feeling way too much control these days. So, I am retreating. I am not calling today nor am I going to discuss any work with him. He wants his work completed...he needs to mention it to me. No good morning baby today. I had forgotten something about out last meeting but my subconscious did not. He had said as we were in the heat of the moment "You love being my slut, you love when I control you and I use you". Now it was all part of the role BUT Cheri does not like the USE YOU part. All weekend was sitting with me. Use me? I don't think so darling....while he meant nothing by it--I need respect. In an affair, you do use each other in a way...each one getting out of it what they need. However, the words didn't sit well with me. I feel like Patrick Swayze's line "No body puts baby in the corner!!"

So, today I am feeling independent and alive. Determined to get my work and projects done. So what do you think should be on the new website? What tips, commments, information was the most useful to you on your journey so far?

Take The Poll on Extramarital Affairs

WOW!! Have you looked at the poll results so far. 72% of the people who voted have had an affair. Cast your vote now!! Let's get some real stats here! (Look at the sidebar for the poll!)

Also, as an FYI, I have reconnected the podcast so for those who wanted to listen, it is now available. It's not on Itunes right now. I have to figure out how to hook it back up there.....

So, it amazes me how I could go from 2 men....so content. To actually none. Mr. Porsche is there but he has been in a wicked mood. Rrrr.....

Do I dare to look again online for my married prince charming? Not at this time..I need to get my head on straight! Focus on me.

Okay I'm exhausted...off the bed!! Wanna join me?

Mystery Man, What should I do?

Instead of disappearing and going MIA as he has in the past. This time, he is staying in contact but I do not know what to do. I really need some advice here.

I've always said that MM has a dark side to him. He has disappeared before and to me it seems like the pressure of work (or pressure of something) really gets to him. Honestly, I think he does have some time of disorder. Manic Depressive, Depression, Anxiety. There is something there that he suffers from.

Now usually, instead of me seeing this, he retreats and disappears....reappearing when things are better with him. This time, he had promised me that he wouldn't disappear and he has been keeping his promise.

Yes, he has said that he is in a bad place. He appreciates me trying to make him smile with jokes and telling him I would be there for him. But he says he's in a bad place right now...he said how he hates this feeling. My heart ached. I felt so helpless.

He wrote me at the beginning of the week that while one head would love to spend time with me and misses me...the other head is really in a bad place. That the walls seem to be closing in and are about to topple on him

I feel helpless. What can I do? I begged him to meet me. That we can just sit and relax and talk or not talk or just hang. That I need to see him. I told him I would work around his schedule....and I basically begged him to just see him. He responded today....

Sorry was out of town and was not checking messages. Don't think I can do what you want, it's just too difficult for me right now. Sorry to
be this way but just very difficult to cope with anything now.

So now what? What do I do? How do I respond to that? Do I send him jokes and try to be light like I was doing? Do I just tell him that I am here for him? Do I admit to him that I feel helpless and that I care and basically ask him what I can do? He's really in a bad place. I don't know if I should play it light and keep sending jokes or if I should be totally serious...what would you say to that note.

I realize now.....how much I care for him. I want to just see him and hold him. To try and make him feel better. He won't do that. I dont want to push the issue and make him run....I want him to know I care. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. One wrong move, and I feel like he will disappear forever. Wow, I care so much about him. It hurts me to know he is hurting.

Advice anyone? Please...a direction....I don't want to lose him by making the wrong move here....

A Little S&M Flavor to the Rendezvous

Since my last post, so much as gone on. What an active day yesterday. As I am sitting here, I realize why I don't post Mr. Porsche's meetings. Because the person I am in the bedroom with him is so different than the person I am in all other aspects of my life. It's so difficult to write about the submissive role that I play in our rendezvous' when I am sitting here in such control and Miss. Responsible. And then when I am with him...I've been experimenting in an area that is dark, a little out of my comfort zone yet hot in an offbeat way.

He loves control. He loves controlling me. More than anything in the world,he wants me to call him "My Master"....words I can't bring myself to say.....however yesterday he did get me to say YOU ARE! Damn, we were having anal sex and he was pumping me so hard and I was mentally flying....and as my orgasm was hitting an all time high...he says Who's your master? I would have done anything at this point...the orgasm was coming with such a rush...I screamed and was panting and all I remember was as the rush of the orgasm took over my whole body....I said You are! Yes, in return I knew he was going to take me to a mindblowing state The old OH WOW FACTOR!!! And my body was in that state I love more than anything in this world!! Mmmm....After, I reach that point, I cannot move. My body is tingling, my mind is at peace and its better than any drug in existence. Balance, peace, euphoria...bliss! Yes, the OH WOW CONNECTION!

He's a little rough...he loves my nipples...I mean he is so into them....he loves to get them so damn erect....I can't figure out if its pleasure or pain...its the border sometimes..I can see how S&M has its place when its on that border like that!
Amazingly, it makes me so fucking wet. I mean I giggle that in my 40's that I am wetter than I was when I was in my 20's. I look at the wetting lubricants as I pass them in the drugstores and I giggle sometimes because if I got any wetter...we would be swimming!

The experimental things we've been doing: well anal I've been doing for awhile now but he is the only guy who loves his prostate rubbed. He loves my finger up his ass and massaging his prostate. He is also the first guy that I have given a rim job too. It is a turn on to me that it is so slutty and out of my comfort zone AND that it turns him on so much. The turn on I think is that it turns him on so much to take me beyond my comfort zone. I'm like a little kid being that devil...its mysterious, its hot and everytime I am with him...I am not sure which direction he is going to take me.

Control. Yes, if he makes a request and I don't submit to the request (which is an internal struggle with me at the beginning because of the Miss Independent I am) he will squeeze my nipples a litte harder or grab onto my hair and control my moves. He manages to get my arms pinned when I least expect it and I am intrigued by his manipulation skills. Oh there is trust here. And without that, I would not be able to go out of my comfort zone.

Oh, I control too....when he is lying there and his cock is in my mouth...I know I have the power. Yes, he can't resist my mouth on his cock....my lips wrapped around and sucking as I work my way down his balls and he moans. And quite frankly,the fact that I take him to a place that blows his mind too (with all that he has experienced, the fact that I make him cum like never before--now that's hot!)

What do I enjoy about men? Well of course the hot sex but its also the idea that I learn their body, learn the man. Take the cues and figure out what does it...what excites a man. I am always amazed how one man can be turned on by one thing and another so turned off by the same thing. It's like experiementing with a recipe...testing the different ingredients until.....PERFECT!! You got down exactly what they like....you know what is going to send them through the roof. Yes, I can say that I know what Mr. Porsche and Mystery Man love (and what they don't). Quite honestly they are opposites....lol

The only place I couldn't go...hmmmm....he want to video me masturbating and put it on the internet. Still debating about that one. He laughs....okay, so you tell everyone about every orgasm you have, you have broadcasted your desires, you've posted your tits online...and you don't want to experiment with the next stage. I'll keep you informed about that one. Other mentions that I haven't bit on is someone watching and the newest addition yesterday was him peeing on me. Not sure I can deal with that one....for some reason I am open to things but that is not doing it for me....

So that was my day yesterday. When I got there, I told him I was upset. I gained 5 lbs. and I felt very unsexy. He looked me in the face and said I don't give a shit except it bothers you. You should get to the gym for you. Oh, and then right after my OH WOW Connection.....he slapped my ass 10 fucking times for each lb that I gained times 2. I did not see that coming....it hurt but I giggled....

And of course, the cuddling. No man escapes a rendezvous without cuddling with me. "This is so important to you. You love the cuddling'. He likes it too...but its not as important to him as it is to me. Yeah, I miss the connection with someone. I love lying in a man's arms and him holding me tight as I lie on his chest and gently move my nails around on his chest. Honestly, the last few months, both Mr. Porsche and MM have fallen asleep while I do that. It's relaxing, we're at peace....its a connection.

So, that was my day with Mr. Porsche. then I went to meet my High School friends. What a fucking amazing time I had. I laughed so damn hard...I'll give you an update later.

Have a great day. Yes, today I am at peace!! Balance!! I feel goooooooDDDD!!! SEX IS GOOOOOODDD!! Good Sex is Heaven!!!

Ashley Madison On the Radio This morning

The clock radio goes off this morning. You know it blasts and usually I barely stir. Today, the station was talking about Ashley Madison Agency.....how married men and women are living secret lives through this site. It was only a second, but you had to see me jump for that snooze bar. Last thing I need is hubby on Ashley now. No baby, that's my playground...

So yes, I started the morning out with a burst of energy! Jumping out of bed and deciding to try and make the most of this day. I worked from 6A-2AM last night. Deciding that I need to figure out how to manage my life and get more dough into the pot. I know money is not the answer to happiness but the lack of it can surely make you unhappy and stressed.

More and more signs lately have been pointing to me making career growth changes. Problem....I have so many great ideas, its just making them happen....everything takes time and I really can't work anymore hours. So...I need to sit down and plan. I know I can do this....I am a survivor! I always have been...I manage to land on my feet (and its not by accident...I work my ass off). I need to sit down and do an internal evaluation but lately the overwhelming creative ideas I have..seem to give me anxiety attacks. I have to think of it as business not my life. As a business woman, I am so together. I am so directed. Gotta put that into my personal life!

Today, I am meeting Mr. Porsche. I have mixed reactions. He is beyond stressed and his compassion and friendship which used to bond us has not been there. We barely talk anymore and when I used to be his sounding board--its not there. When we are together it is great!! But today, I am not feeling sexy. I am feeling fat and ugly. Not exactly the sexual energy that I usually transmit. Today I am a blob. I am thinking about staying dressed and just sucking his cock for two hours.

Is it possible for the music to never end?

I was putting my little one to sleep and this song came on the radio....the words just echoed throughout my head. Funny how I can't remember something that happened an hour ago...but the words to this song just came flowing back to me and here I was sitting in her room, singing her to sleep...and thinking..wow, so true. As a tear fell from my e ye as reality was right there. As we all grow, isn't it expected that we may take different roads and journeys?

And with all these questions in this song...there really is no answer. Life and love is just so unpredictable. "Since we know that its always changing, how can it always be the same"...so damn true. How do you keep the music playing? Is it possible to be best friends and lovers?

Finding Me- Again and Again and Again

Yes, I am in the finding me mode again. Frustrated and depressed--I literally put on 6 lbs this week. Amazingly scary! Yes, I am a comfort food person...my mom came over and when I put this shirt on she said "Oh....and rolled her eyes and blew her cheeks out like a blowfish. Hmm...I guess she noticed the 6 lbs? What a supportive mom....always there to jab an extra knife into the situation. Having enough...I mean I have really had enough with her and her critical view where she has always been right (my poor dad). I kindly asked my father to have her out of my house when I get back. Yes, I hit the wall with her.

This was right after the husband brought up coming on this business trip I have in October. WHAT?!!?!? So yes, I flipped. Flipped because my husband and my mother to deal with in one room is a torture chamber. No one could handle it. The combination is deadly.....

I am reading this book right now......about Women and midlife crisis'. Ironically, I purchased it 4 years ago but never got into it. Actually, it is now that I am meant to read it. You see, while the women in this book are 50......it perfectly describes my attitude and feelings. Except for one thing, I am lucky enough to still have some looks. One portion of this books theory is that at 50..its an adjustment to no longer be able to use your looks but your other assets you have.

And then I realized...wow, how sucky is that. I have only a few good years left to use my looks. Yes, I do admit it...I use my looks and my personality. Ironically, when I was absolutely stunning....I didn't know how to use my looks because I was so insecure (thanks mom...yes, you saying my fat thighs which now I look back and they were hot and muscular!)

But the good news is that I got this book just in time. You see.....it has finally hit me. A woman has a different midlife crisis. She wants to find herself again and her interests. She wants to take control of her life and enjoy her life. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. My work, my house, my husband, my mom......all are demanding of me. Ironically, my children are probably the least demanding now that I look at it. And the ones I want to spend some time with and enjoy. I am missing out....I am working so damn hard and meeting the demands of other people that I am missing out on what I want the most in life. Spend quality time with my children and quality time for myself.

A new found independence!! You see, the fact that I found this book today (instead of at 50) is a sign for me to start now in what I want. Not wait......I am in my prime. I am still pretty and turn heads (yes, I made sure yesterday after my mom made that remark). So, its time to LEAP and manage my time better......

As for Secret Lovers Lane....I want to blog about my day with Mr. Porsche..it was hot!! As for Mystery Man, my heart is breaking. He wrote back--while it is very tempting, my other head is wacked out right now.....how I hate this feeling......
More and more I am convinced that he suffers from depression or bipolar. I want to be there for him but he won't let me. I offered to treat him to a day at the motel...with no words, no sex just 2 hours of a massage, napping and relaxing.....we will see if he responds.....

Okay, back to planning my day. It's been boring sexually here.....I have been masturbating and using my toys actually but its not the same. Oh, I get that orgasm and thankfully I get extremely wet.....my pink vibrator still goes in and out with ease and does its job. But its not the same as a man's cock.......mmmmmmmm..........I love that feeling when the cock is just entering me.....feeling myself spread as it slowly goes in.....oh no...I am getting horny...no time for that...damn I love a hard cock!!