Robot Sex and my Sabotaged Sex Poem

So, where do I start? The beginning is too sad now. So I guess I will just give you me evaluation of my few hours with Chris. Of course, he has his version (which I do not know) so this is a one sided evaluation. What do they say, my side, your side and the truth. Have no fucking idea what the truth is.

The best that I can say is that Chris was cold, distant and not Chris. It wasn't the person I met a few months ago. The one who held me and the world seemed to stand still. The one whose hug seemed to make everything okay. And, it was because of who he is (was) inside. I loved him. the person, not even on a sexual level. It was the caring person inside who was so special.

Yes, I fantasized about the two of us fucking each others brains out. IF you haven't read my fantasies. The two of joining as one could be nothing but absolutely amazing....or so I thought.

I went to his hotel room and at first he didn't want to let me in because he was still angry with me. But he did, he just had a towel on but I ignored it. Hey in college we all ran around with nothing on and were all just friends.

We were lying on the bed and I was trying to discuss the podcast. He basically said, rather matter a factly, I have no interest in doing the podcast, I have no interest in having an affair and I can't concentrate because I am horny. The towel was not covering his penis and well he has the biggest and thickest cock I have ever seen (okay its up there with a guy from my younger years) but I truly debated. Part of me was so crushed by his coldness, his truthfulness and his detachment. And then there was the big fucking cock and I said....I want to do him. I want to be with him....let's just do it. And so we did.

Except, he was so fucking cold and emotionally detached that I was not myself. I was hesitant, I was afraid to joke, I couldn't get into the blowjob...he was just lying there with no emotion at all. Nothing! I thought he would warm up when I started to kiss him but nothing. Now I have to say, I have never had such emotionless sex before. This is suppose to be my soulmate....the guy who when he held me, I could feel the connection. Who this guy was that I was with, I have no idea.

I jumped on top and it did feel good. He felt so good inside of me. But he still was so cold, so distant, not even a smile. He knows I like it doggie style so he said, okay I want to cum in you from behind. Mechanically, he went from behind...it felt good....but my mind couldn't concentrate...I had an orgasm at the end....but I had to just block everything else out and concentrate.

When it was over, I wanted him to hold me. He didn't, I gotta go. I have a crazy day and he jumped out of the bed. I could feel the tears in my eyes. It was my fantasy.....minus any taking care of me (something he always said to me, the guy better take care of you, don't let him be selfish) and it was emotionless. I think I was just so in shock. I got into the shower with him and I went to wash his back--"I did it already" and it was if I wasn't even in the shower with him. Honestly, I couldn't even talk. "I guess this will be in your blog, how bad it was"...was all he said.

We got dressed. Went our separate ways and I literally just drove around aimlessly. He called me looking for a place to get clothes. And I could hardly direct him, he was yelling--"we're oil and water","your such a PITA Bread(Pain In The Ass--I always thought it was cute) and that's all I can remember about our conversation. Oh yeah! Something about me being a liberal and not being able to answer a question directly. I don't even remember the rest. Now, my head is totally spinning--I go to the store he's at. "I'd knew you'd come here" was all he said. I tried to talk, it was a little better....but I don't know. I hugged him good by, a long hug, because I knew I am not going to see him for a long time if ever again.

Our email later that night...was strange. He wrote--"it was awkward after, we got it out of out system. Let's concentrate on our friendship".

So my theory---he wanted it to suck. He wanted me to feel his cold, distance and we both had walls up to our emotions. So that's the story. My reaction today is "Who was that uncaring, emotionless guy with the big cock??!"

I'm not mad. I could have stopped anytime. I'm sad that he knew how to make me emotionless (no podcast, no affair, just a fuck) and that he was so damn cold. We weren't even friends having sex. We were robots! That is the perfect comparison---it was Robot Sex!

And you know me, with every drama moment, I write some sad, heart torn poem. Last night, I wrote Sabatoged Sex.-- it's on the site. www.rendezvousradio.com/funwithme_personal_poetry.htm

So, I honestly am pretty emotionless today and I feel like I lost someone real special in my life. I wish I was angry then I could at least IM him and yell at him. But I just feel like I lost one of my best friends and I don't know if it will ever be the same. Oh! And I lost my podcast partner too. So, I guess I will be podcasting Rendezvous Radio all alone. Today is pretty sucky! The only thing I did smile about today was these pix I found and oh yeah---did you know that Robot Sex is a real fetish?! Feel free to read my sappy poem!
Sweet Wet Dreams!