Guilty Because I Don't Feel Any Guilt?!?

Yes, there is another side to this horny woman...you will be surprised to know, it is a moral side. okay, you can stop laughing now. But it is true. In fact, I morally have a hard time accepting that I have crossed the line. That is such a tough nut for me to crack. It's not guilt for what I am doing, it is more of a moral issue for me. I am a person who always concentrates on doing good. Always want the world to be good, for everyone around me to be happy and I would do anything in my power to help a friend or loved one. I am the Glue to the family, the perfect one growing up.....and here I am. Like my favorite song...Lyin Eyes..going to the cheatin side of town! That song is the epidemy of my life. Thought I had a nice life set out for myself...and life doesn't always turn out the way you plan now does it? How many of our lives actually have turned out the way we had anticipated or planned? There are always those turns and obstacles.

Had a great conversation with Zorro last night. Honestly, it was like 200 conversations in one. We must have touched on everything in life ( and yes, I will keep our Cybersex episode for another day). It's as if our paths have crossed so that we could help eachother. Now get your minds out of the gutter....we are truly just friends. Each of our sexual interests lying other places BUT hey, come on, when you are discussing sexual things...you both start getting horny so what are friends for!!

Personally, I feel bad because he has been giving so much more than I have given to him. He's a deep thinker and he's been trying to help me sort out a lot of what is going on in my head. So I want to thank him (although tonight he disappeared without saying good night--so maybe he's had enough of me bitching--lol).

So, what am I ranting about? Well my shopping trip to Target this evening turned out to be a revelations for me (damn the store was empty so I had way too much time to daydream and walk up and down the aisles). It was a shopping therapy session. The key to my blog tonight was the realization that--
"I feel Guilty because I don't Feel Guilty about what I am doing"!! Is that not hysterical??!? Guilt for No Guilt!! Morally, I am uncomfortable--like Booty Caller said "My angel wings and halo just got a little bent". But I should feel guilty because of my husband....right? I'm sure it doesn't help that four of my friends know what I am doing and they say" if anyone needs this and deserves happiness, it's you". So, I have supportive friends. Yup! They are understanding, most friends tell you that you have sinned!!! Mine, accept me no matter what path I choose. And, I truly love them for it.

So, no sexual thoughts tonight. Kind of concentrating a little on me, Cheri! Another tidbit about me. I am very into doing charity work. So tomorrow I am throwing a Christmas Party for children with disabilities. So I guess I maybe don't feel the guilt because as Zorro said to me----there's a balance system. If that's the case, I think I am in pretty good shape in the balance.

And while we are on a serious note. If you want to fulfill a little of that void you may feel or just feel amazing, try giving to someone. Nothing fulfills me more than seeing the smile on a child who is in a wheelchair because I just spent some time talking to them. Or because I gave them a chance to see Santa. They are so special, so innocent, so loving with those eyes of theirs. So, try it. I can tell you that you will absolutely be happy that you did! And all your other concerns will quickly melt away by that child's eyes.

So that's it!! A word from my heart. It's slighly beaten up these days but I can promise you, tomorrow, I will see the world in a whole different light! And, I didn't get a chance to answer my email...but those who were concerned about me..thank you so much...it truly means a lot to me. And I am really okay and "Stud Muffin"... I will certainly take you up on that spa day at Elizabeth Arden. Sounds absolutely yummy!!! (lol)

XOXOXO Cheri!