Text Messaging and Phone Calls Almost As Good As Sex?

Okay, now there is no match for the real thing. Let's be realistic....actual body to body contact, someone bringing you to unbelievable heights, panting, moaning and sweat is truly HOT!! Damn I'm getting wet just thinking about it.

However, the fun of the anticipation can also be very exciting. AND HUMOR!! To me humor is such a turn on.

Tadpole, dear Tadpole...well he just keeps me laughing. A great guy and a really good friend at that. Still, won't give me a good reason why we can't meet for coffee....."Can't you give me a 1/4 of an inch"...... "Listen I know you, I give you a 1/4 of an inch, you want three feet". Okay, I can't help but giggle...here is a guy who has read every one of my posts. He has seen me at the worst and at the best....he also knows the way I am. So it is kind of funny. Frustrating but funny.

And Boy Toy Construction Guy. Well, he is a definite keeper. Damn, he has me smiling all day. He is hysterical. Our text messaging back and forth throughout the day are so damn funny. Sarcastically, he said that sometimes he can't write a whole long text message...so he keeps them short. I respond "Yeah those one worders really turn me on and get me hot" (totally sarcastic of course). About an hour later, he texts me all that was there was the word "THE!!" Get it? Sick and offbeat humor that kills me.

So I decided to see if I could say some hot and provocative things in Italian. Doesn't everyone use the Italian Translator? The first attempt he writes what?!?! The second message he just writes back he was dying laughing. So I asked is my Italian as bad as the thought of eating Ragu? One Word response back--WORSE!!

So I am having fun! Silly fun. Okay, some of our conversations are hot phone sex. Like what he is going to do to me when we see each other. I will save that for the next post. Damn....this guy can certainly get me wet.

The key here...he has no hangups about us getting close. "I think its important that we are good friends and I get to know you and you get to know me!!"

So when are we going to meet? I asked today. His response..."when your party is over. You got so much going on and I want it to be a special meeting not shoved inbetween all the things you have to do. I want us both to be relaxed and enjoy it. I kind of like that we are getting to know each other!"

Is he for real? He sounds like it. But I have been down this road before. I remember MR. Government wanted to get to know me too so we will see. But for right now--it is exactly what I need. Okay, I could use a stiff cock right now and I would be lying if I didn't say that I fantasize about our first meeting...so I guess .its almost exactly what I need.

The New Boy Toy whose C-ck Ain't Going To Fit

Life is certainly keeping me busy these days. In actuality, I am being pushed to the maximum. Can feel the pressure exploding out of me....in so many ways!! lol

The party I am planning is endless..we are talking, I am losing my mind. Okay, you gotta know I go over the top. Would you expect anything less from me? Gotta have everything to perfection...since I can't pay for the huge decorations....I am constructing them myself. Can you see Cheri with her little barbie doll tool set? Oh I have one!! Yup and I have been busy running around and building things and spray painting. Did you ever visualized me as a carpenter and handywoman? lol Now there is a true visual.

Talking about construction. Aah! The new boy toy has been keeping me busy. I know, I really thought I was going to take a little break...but he just came along. Oh man, he is too good to be true. Hence, he probably is...lol I can't get into detail right now BUT we've been cyber celling! What is that? A little cybersex mixed with some explicit pix on our cell phones and some phone chat. Our conversations have been dripping hot. And he makes me laugh hysterical. We haven't met yet. Probably won't until after my party, but damn it is fun!

He is your typical Italian. OH yeah..fitting the mold of all the past men I have come across and have been attracted to. Except he's not afraid to open up...NICE!! We decided that we get along very nicely....so all that is left is the physical attraction....he has his choice when we meet---he can either eat a jar of Ragu(which repulses him) or fool around with me. Can you imagine if he chooses the jar of Ragu?!?

Any foreseen problems? Oh you know there needs to be one. Has there ever not been one in Secret Lovers Lane? He's really into anal sex. We are talking very into it. And we all know I want to try it BUT we also all know that I never have before. Now if his cock looked like it would be the size of a pencil, I don't think I would be as concerned. But from the pix he sent me one night when we were playing with the phone cameras....I cannot see how that cock is going to fit into my butt. His shaft was damn thick!! Oh my, this is going to be an interesting month.

A Full Circle and Sex Are Like Sports

Last night, I had no high hopes of finding someone online. But what is that saying. If you fall off the horse, you must get right back on. So, that is what I decided to do. Go to Ashley Madison and get back on the horse. This time do a search....this time I will select who I want instead of the ones that have selected me. And, I had a few feelers out from the other site that Scarlett gave me...so hey, it had potential of browsing.

Kind of like fishing. I stood at the end of the pier, threw in my line with bait on it and just waited to see what I could catch. Now we all know I like guys who can handle them selves in a conversation. I find it so BORING when they are a stick in the mud. So I am still going to be selective in my choosing. A hot one with no brains will keep me interested for about two screws. That's it.

The night before, I told you about a guy I met online. Don't even have a name for him..and well its a waste to give him one. He was really hot....but we spoke and well--no way. Not my type at all. Actually, he really didn't have much to say. I guess that would be a bad catch,throw him back in.

Next, I had seen this guy. the type I went for years ago...Tall, dark and handsome. Aah! He was the boy toy I mentioned the other night. He wanted to chat last night....so at 11PM he came online. honestly, didn't give it much thought. A quick hello, a little chat, I'm sure he is too young want to just fuck and well I will be on my way.

Well he's a construction worker. Hmm...that's how this whole thing started. I liked my construction worker. He woke me up from the asexual being I had become. So.....hmmm....he will probably be dumb and not be able to hold a conversation. Get the bath water going, this should be short. Well, we IM'd until 3AM. He was intellectual (not a PhD but who cares), he was hysterical...really funny AND he was sweet and honest. Isn't looking for a one night thing (I know lets see). Really wants to meet a friend with benefits. And I really enjoyed our conversation. We spoke till 3AM..and it was a great convo about so many different things. Actually, sex didn't come up until the end. And it was too late to get too heavy into it.

Well it was nice, it seems like we are on the same page. He speaks Italian too and I love those little pet names. Bella, he was calling me (don't gag, it was sweet). Well today we spoke again but on the phone. For awhile. Coffee seems ridiculous....we spoke so much already so I don't know what we are going to do.

Somehow the conversation got to cuddling. How he would love to cuddle up behind me. "How did you know that I liked it from behind". "How from behind?" Hmmm.....was he asking me what I think he was asking me. "I've never had anal before". "Have you never wanted to try it or have you never had the opportunity". "I guess the opportunity" I admited I was nervous. Nervous that a man would be hung like a horse. But I know from my bullet that hole is extremely sensitive. That just one finger circling can get me to climax. "we can work on that together and if you didn't like it, we'd stop". Wow, that was a interesting thought.

Ever get tied up and blindfolded?--I asked. He hesitated with the tied up...aaahh!! reaching his limits BUT he said he would try it. I will try almost anything once. We can experiment together. I told him about pop rocks, whipped cream and my desire to try hot caramel (well warm)...it made him hard. So we pretty much decided that we would both be open to different things, experimenting, bringing things to the table that we never tried and both being open about it. Sounds like a good start to me. One funny thing, we have already screwed in our head 15 times but we haven't even seen each other.

Now, I am nervous. Let's be realistic he's 32 I think. 9 years younger. My, 9 years.....my body looked much better 9 years ago. sigh. Yes, I'm insecure again. I've taken some major hits lately...Mr Government, Curious George just disappearing without even a decent good by and Tadpole--I don't know what he's waiting for. So feeling all sexy hasn't been part of my feelings lately.

Funny how life goes in a circle. Back to a construction guy who has his own business right here. Flexible hours, flexible desires....and cute. Hmmmm....driving home tonight, I was once again all hot and bothered. Are you wet? He asked me. Oh, so wet. was my response. We were only 2 miles away....so tempted to meet--but the good girl in my came screaming out. So now, its bath time. I need a bath to relax. I need my damn jets. I need to pleasure myself. You know how I can't take that tense,wet feeling in between my legs. The pressure just needs to be released. Damn, it has been one week filled with pleasuring myself. I need a man to do it for me. I need a man to release my inner desires. IN PERSON!!!!!

Sweet Wet Dreams!!

Wow! To think I felt dumped....Poor Pluto got demoted!

What a shocker when I turned on the radio before. Poor Pluto...demoted as a planet. Shunned upon by the National Star Dudes. Poor thing...he was always an outcast. The most eccentric of all the planets. He did his own thing...everything different from the other planets. Always the underdog of all the planets. The only planet no solarcraft had gone to And to think...he was just thrown out of the Solar System TODAY.

They claim it was because he doesn't do his own unique orbit. Mooshing off of Neptunes orbit. Well if you ask me...that mean that Neptune doesn't have its own orbit either...I don't even see Neptune being considered to be kicked to the curb. Poor thing..its like he cheated..no monogomy (maybe that's why I feel so bad for him today--wanna support him). A unique planet who liked to play in other people's orbit. Hey, give the planet a break. And what happens when he gets closer (as he sometimes does) than Neptune ?? Think he will want to come back?? Personally I think that they are all jealous because he's got his own side kick -Charon. Or can it be that the scientists are just pissed because they have never been there....poor Clyde Tombaugh. Man must be rolling in his grave right now. He took the time and energy to discover a planet and they just kick the damn thing out. Sorry Clyde....

Well I just did a whole report last year (well it was suppose to be my son's) and I am saddened by Pluto's departure. It's like you took my whole childhood learning and threw it out the window. There were nine planets...always nine planet and now.....eight?!? What the fuck?!? This world is totally losing it. Well there goes that stupid poster I have in my son's room...better start coloring in pluto so he disappears. And to think just yesterday I was talking about getting hit by a meteroid and thinking that would never happen---today they just shun a planet. What will tomorrow bring?!?! Will 1 + 1 no longer equal 2? Will there no longer be seven days in a week? Or will they really become radical and say the EArth is really not round..we are going to fall off?

Hmmm....there are just certain things in this world that you use as ground work and nine planets is one of them. So this post is in memory of Pluto....sweet cold, unique Pluto!! I actually bought a star for each of my kids (named after them)...so if I ever go visit their stars....dear Pluto, I will come and visit. You know me, I love to go against the grain....stand up for the underdog!

Well tomorrow is Kiss and Make Up Day!!! WooHoo!! I can think of a few lips I'd like to kiss and make out (I mean makeup with). So I am giving you a heads up!!! Yes, I heard that on the radio today as well. Wow!! I can think of soooo many ways I would like to celebrate such an amazing holiday!! Sweet Wet Dreams!!

Feeling Down? Look for Sex With Some New Frogs!

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Orgasms Are Like Gumball Machines!!

Okay, yesterday my horniness got the best of me! I couldn't work, I couldn't concentrate...all I was thinking about was sex and masturbating! My conclusion, I haven't written that much about my fantasies in my blog, I haven't really had phone sex with tadpole (and haven't seen him), been doing very little masturbating AND haven't had sex in a real long time.

So, yesterday..my body was craving it! The orgasms were piling up like gum in a gumball machine! A gumball machine only holds so many gumballs you know.

Now a benefit of having a blogger as a friend...you don't have to go into detail when you just throw it down in your blog....they read it. It's kind of cool, when drama hits, they know, they know the story and I don't have to tell them. Just say "Did you read my blog?" It is weird because Tadpole (while we are not more than friends with no fringe benefits yet) knows more than a guy should know about me. But I have accepted that...so its kind of nice that I don't ever pretend. Don't have to have a cool surface, can't play hard to get, and can't lie because I write it all later. So, I'm me....he knows the whole package...no facades!

Okay back to the Gumballs!! So I wrote my entry and I looked at the clock and he was going to be at lunch. Damn.. so I left him a phone message. "Hope you had a good lunch. I left you dessert on my blog!"

Well let's just say Tadpole is a true friend. He couldn't leave me so unfocused all day. He decided to spend two hours with me and walk me through some masturbation orgasms. How yummy!! First, I was outside lying in the sun in my bra and sweatpants. I couldn't do it outside, in fear a neighbor would see or hear me SO I went upstairs.

Now wet, wet was an understatement. The juices were flowing so much that I couldn't even do circles on my clit. My fingers were slipping and sliding. Visually, listening to his voice and him with me...eating me out and then being inside of me....sent me flying into an orgasm. MY insides were pulsating out of control....I definitely was moaning for him. Just what I needed.

But I stop after one. Why did you stop? he asked me. Well, this is going to sound strange but I think its kind of like...I had my orgasms-that was out of a necessity. I don't know, do I feel I don't deserve more? Do I feel it is now over the top or dirty? I don't have an answer. I never continue to allow myself to have multiple.

"Well that is something we need to work on" was his response. Round 2--he wasn't letting me stop this time. He was walking me through it until I allowed my body to have 2 at least in a row. Not as easy this time....well he was determined. He closed his office door and he was going to get me there....yes, the thought of his hard cock inside of me, his balls smacking against me, his thrusts AND his tongue....oooooohhhhhh!! Yes, I did cum again. But this time he said--Don't STOP!! And instructed me to keep going...giving me the visual of the two of us....with him eating me out..tasting my juices.... I listened. I let him take me to a place I've never been while masturbating....a multiple orgasm! The muscles pulsated, the juices flowed harder and I moaned even more.... what an afternoon!!

I truly felt bad. Here is Tadpole at work with a hard on and I can't satisfy him. Don't worry about me, let's take care of you was his response. How sweet!!

Thankfully, I woke up today and am not feeling that ovewhelming desires. I need to work. I have so much to do!! Still can't figure it out (And he obviously won't tell me). This could have been done in person. Okay, maybe not all of it but we could have been face to face, mouth to mouth. But he doesn't want to. Something is holding him back and I don't know what it is (nor will he tell me). I truly respect whatever it is. Maybe he doesn't want to cheat again? Maybe he just wants to play over the phone? Not sure....tough not knowing sometimes. But after an afternoon like yesterday...I can wait.

Funny, being married and not going anywhere...time takes on a new perspective. There really is no rush....I have a life sentence here. When you are single, you want to find the right one and get married, kids etc. and right away. The clock is ticking. My divorced friends also seem to have this desire to rush into finding another man (can't figure that out.....I would certainly want to be extremely selective). But when you are having an affair. There is no dreams of future lives together so you are in the present. It's all about the present and fulfilling each other. When you are divorced, its more about the future with the person you are with.

Okay, way too deep for me this morning. But does it make sense? You are concentrating on fulfilling today and the future is probably limited to months or a year. Instant gratification baby!!!!

Okay, gotta work today like a crazy lady. So much to do! But rest assured, my hormones are humming again thans to a sweet and giving tadpole...

Some Sex Before You go To Your Car?

I am sooo much better. Funny how sleep deprivation can cause your mind to totally melt down! Gotta confess, it sucks when someone plays mind games with you. Especially someone who actually does it professionally. Well a good night's sleep and no communication and my mind is clearer.

However, I am so damn horny! I don't know, I woke up this morning and well I am dying to just have wild sex. Probably because my hubby is away for a few days, works deadlines are over and I could play for an hour. Problem...there is no one to play with. Mr. Government we all know if I texted him, he would meet me but I don't want to do that.

Tadpole.....turned me down!!!!!!!!!! Well not exactly, he's actually adorable. He is very busy with work, very busy. He can't just pick up and leave to fulfill my needs. He's got deadlines he has to meet. And I understand that. What I wanted to do was totally surprise him. Meet him at his car after work. Actually, just pull him off the street as he was walking to his car and have my way with him in some alley. Spontaneous, unexpected, ravishingly HOT!! Of course, I would be wearing a skirt for easy access.....and no underwear of course. Just waiting for him to walk near his car and I would grab his hand. No words, just pull him to this hidden area and just start kissing him all over. No time for slow....hot and filled with zing!!

First stop would be his pants...gotta check if this immediately made his cock respond. For some reason, I think it would. Unzip and lower myself down to totally swallow every inch of his cock. Circles and circles and circles with my tongue and long, long sucks!! Making sure he doesn't cum, I know I am ready for him. My juices are already flowing from the anticipation. But I would take his hand and direct it under my skirt. I'm sure he will know what to do. I'm sure his hands will manage to thrust deep inside of me. One, two....three fingers would be the ultimate. I'm ready for his cock and can't wait another minute. Up against the wall with one leg over his arm, he would have perfect access to screw the shit out of me. Any extra thrusts, he can do me from behind. And when we were done, I'd walk him back to his car. No words....just let him go back on his way and me on mine. No words would make it even hotter and sexier. Leaving him wondering if that all just happened. Of course he knows it has, his cock will remind him of that.

Aaah! Damn I'm horny today. Beautiful day and no cock to share it with. Sigh.....anyone else drive to work today??

Combustion

I arrived home from work today...totally dragging my ass. A tiring day and not exactly as good as I had hoped from a work perspective. In addition, a husband who once again...wanted me to solve problems for him. I was dragging..I arrived home barily able to open the front door.

I arrive home to two emails. One from tadpole....letting me know how I have no patience. He's right, I don't. I like to have everything figured out. I like to know where I stand with something and well lately I feel like I have been doing all the calling. I apologized...I was playing with him about losing his number and then when he didn't call me back (for probably the third time) I felt like I was bothering him. Yes, I over reacted.

Oh but then I got the clincher. I thankfully opened Tadpoles first...because when I opened Mr. Government's I went into a total mental breakdown. The rage that was flying through me we are talking a major combustion. Once again, reiterating that he finds me sexy, enjoys me, blah, blah blah....but I need an affair that someone can be my friend too. He can't get close. Too many affairs with emotions cause problems. Wait----he analyzed my email and told me how I feel. Yes, he ANALYZED IT...and Told me how I FEEL!! I wasn't mad yet. Fine, its over was what I thought. He is off base. If he can find a girl who just wants an email every two weeks go fuck her.

Well the bastard then sent an email to my other Ashley account. Hi, how are you? Okay, he knew it was me? He had too. What the fuck!?! Talk about being played like a puppet. I'm tired, tired of being a puppet. This sent me into an out of control melt down. He said to look somewhere else and now he is playing with me to what...be cute or to pour salt in the wound? Okay, this was the finale.

I sent him an email. Oh, I laid it on the line. I basically told him to find a prostitute....I told him that I know what I am looking for...I confessed to other men and told him I slept with someone else...I told him...don't ANALYZE ME...how dare you---I admitted that the sex between us was hot and better than the other--BUT how dare he be the judge and juror...okay, my words were slightly harsh. I signed it with the other Ashley Name. Either you are in my life and you bend a little or we are finished. Done. end. I am not settling anymore.

Well I sent a text message too because it could be days before he reads his email and well my pressure was bursting. "Are you for real? IF you wanted to send me into a rage, you succeeded".

"McFly, I was teasing you. Rage--you act like you found your husband cheating" (this was before he read my email--oh he will not be happy. And my husband has nothing to do with this. Rage--rage for being played a fool not jealous rage asshole)

My response.... You made it clear...your looking, I'm looking...this McFly has 2 fly"

I am alone tonight. What a waste of a night. I just sat and cried and cried and cried. Felt good to let out all this frustration. I've been under a lot of pressure with work, this party and having the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm having a hard time holding up all this weight.

Ran into a friend today I haven't seen in a long time. She introduced me to her co-workers as "The Most Amazing Person She Knows". How I am unbelievable at what I can do....how I keep it all together, how successful I am in all aspects of my life. I almost broke down in tears. That description is of the person I was some time ago. That person collapsed with so much weight on her shoulders. That person could make a million dollar business decision and not even flinch while juggling two charity events without even blinking and raising three kids with disabilities while planting an award winning garden. What happened to me??

Continued...
I awoke today to a text message from Mr. Government. We have been fighting back and forth all day. So let's see, I wanted text message every couple of days and now you can text me 6 times in a day because we are fighting but one hey baby, thinking of you...you never had time for?

I am so mystified at what he wants from me. He didn't say good by but he did. He wants me to say that he is right...but I won't. I told him....its sad, what we have and had is great but we are throwing it away for what you are afraid will happen. Ridiculous!! We owe each other nothing is his thoughts. He's right. no one owes anybody anything. But at least let's be on the same page if we are throwing it away.

I cannot be a puppet anymore. So my final words...call me tomorrow or meet me for 10 minutes. If you won't do that, we might as well never talk again.

You see, I could throw it away...its way too much energy. But flashes of the great sex we had keeps going through my head. The last time we were together....he opened the door and pulled me in so close to him. Hi was all we said before we ravished each other. We are talking out of control attacking each other. I threw him up against the wall and we started ripping wach others clothes off. It was soo hot, it was intense. It was what I had always wanted in my wildest fantasies. The animalistic desire was overwhelming....we barily could make it to the bed.

So do I just walk? I know the answer. I know its time to move on. My head says just go he's not worth the energy. There is a guy out there who will give you what you want. But my insides crave that passion, that desire. I don't even want to talk---I want to just screw. I want to have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm.

A Little Flirting Goes A Long Way

I admit it. I have always been a flirt. Not much has changed, even as the years go on...I love to flirt. It's just part of my personality. Innocent flirting of course, but I have always used it to my advantage.

Today, I was guilty again. I had to set up for a big trade show I am doing. The line to unload the trucks and cars was at least an hour long. Hmmm.....there had to be a way to get around this. Aah, it is the convention hall union filled with muscular men that are in charge of getting your stuff to your booth. So somehow, I had to beat the system. A challenge and you all know I love a challenge. The innocent blonde in me approached a few cute men (and some not so cute) that worked there. Do I have to wait on the line if I only have a few things? They all looked at me....and smiled. Okay, pull your car on the side but we can't guarantee a flatbed to pull your stuff. Oh thank you thank you....and I handed them all these promotional items that I was giving away...Stress Relievers!!

Well, 15 people are waiting for a flatbed and my friend and I are sitting against our car. "Oh! A thing to carry the stuff YEAH!!!" As I give the guy a sweet smile who is coming in the direction of all the cars waiting. And yes, he and 4 other guys came over with the flatbed on wheels. And the sweet things, unloaded my car and took it to my booth. The man in the car next to me said.."hey, can you tell them I'm with you. I've been sitting here an hour already."

Okay, I love these shows. I haven't done one in awhile. For some reason these men who set up the shows find it hard not to help innocent and helpless woman. I was too short to hang some posters...there they were. I got my electricity and my table and chairs in a nanosecond. Sometimes, its so nice to be a sweet innocent blonde!! A Damsel In Distress at a trade show!! Mutual flirting!

Even got a few customers before the show opened. So I am a very happy (and tired) woman tonight. It's going to be a long weekend but for the first time in awhile...I am at peace...strange as that may sound. I have been doing great at work and that has been real satisfying for me.

As for my love life, there is none. I lost my phone so I emailed Tadpole to call me. Joking I said it was his chance to escape....to not hear from me again. He actually didn't call. I guess I was surprised. we just had said this week how important our friendship was to both of us. Wow, I really was surprised. Actually, he hasn't called a few times when he said he was going to. I guess its time to take a step back there too.

So I am flying solo these days. I put an end to that game (feeling guilty on Ashley) with that Local Guy. And well he just kept writing and writing and writing. So I said good by nicely (for the fifth time).

Curious George was the guy who took a quick exit out of my life the other day. In fact, as a friend, I honestly thought we were going to eventually push each others limits. He loved the camming world and he might have got me to try it at least once. Push those limits--fool around on a cam for the world to see. But now he is gone and so is that possibility.

Thinking about it tonight--I know what it is like to want to feel wanted. So I always want to give. If I like someone, I want them to feel special--feel like they are amazing and they deserve to be treated that way. Obviously that is bad. Its funny, I know my boundaries....its not love I am showing but appreciation--I feel like it is part of the whole package. I think Men get scared by the attention. Oh well.... there were a few more on Ashley but I don't feel like jumping in. There is one guy who was left from Philanderers. We flirted back and forth for months now...he emailed me again. Another fireman!!! I hope this guys brains are less fried!

So, I am going to sleep tonight. Actually feeling that empty space again. I want to feel wanted. I don't want to feel needed. Can you understand the difference in that. At home, I am needed. Needed to do everything there is to do. Needed by everyone.... I would love to find someone who just makes me feel wanted. And it seems like such a simple desire, yet I can't find it. I have a real silly fantasy....that a guy would meet me one day with one yellow rose. Yellow roses stand for friendship. A bum on the street once did that to me (how funny is that--) and now that would mean so much. A sign of friendship, a sign of appreciation, a sign that they wanted and thought of me.

Okay back to reality............the damn dishes are needing me right now! Sigh!

Funny how life works. Today, Soulmate and I started talking again. We're starting our friendship again and leaving it at that.....a friendship. Much healthier for both of us and it feels good to actually talk to him and not have those sexual undertones floating around. So that was a very nice surprise.

And, now my drama for the day! Yesterday actually sucked!! Big Time! My darling daughter decided to see if my cell phone would be able to swim in a glass filled with water. Well, for all of you who don't know the scientific answer---it sinks like a lead balloon!! Aah!! OH yes, it stops working too!! And one last thing---- YOU LOSE ALL YOUR NUMBERS AND CONTACTS!!!!

So, if I ever wanted to contact a frog....I can't. All the numbers were coded in my phone. I wrote some down somewhere but I can't find the list. So I have no ones telephone numbers (including work). Is that a sign??

Off to a real busy day....crazy day and weekend. I will probably post over the weekend. I am spending the weekend with amazing bodies. I'll explain...a special health and excercise show. Won't this be fun!

A Heart Smile

I was sitting here tonight working, when an email came across from a dear friend of mine that I met in the blogging world. His wife seems to have found some emails that he wrote to someone and well...she thinks he is cheating.

He hasn't actually cheated. He never had been with anyone else...but I guess its all relevant to what a spouse would consider cheating.

I've known this person for almost a year. We have chatted and well....I don't want to get into details on who it is right now but WE WERE CLOSE. His email was brief. He explained he was in trouble. He explained that he couldn't be friends with me anymore and he was leaving the blogging world behind. He apologized for turning into a frog. Sadly, I feel like someone died. I lost a great friend tonight and well its really kind of sad. We shared a lot, he knew sooo much about me.....he was a huge part of me finding out my limits and exploring how far I would go.

What hurts the most is that he said good by in an email over Ashley yet. Email sucks. It takes away so much of a personal interaction yet it does add so much to other aspects. But damn, I would have liked to have the opportunity to say good by. I would have liked the opportunity to say good by. I hope he knows my friendship is always there for him and so is a shoulder if he needs one. I will miss him terribly.

So these quotes were just sent to me by a friend....I thought they were great and I wanted to share them. For some reason my recipe for a great cock just didn't fit for tonights post!! Sweet Dreams All!


Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.






Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.


And SPG, you are right. That is not me to pull such mean tricks. I ended the game and was pleasant (even though he was a slob).

All I want Is Lustful Sex!! -lol

Well today was a real eye opener. Actually, it was pathetically funny. I decided to play with Mr. Local. Oh, I know its not nice to play with someones head but I was enjoying myself immensely. It seemed the meaner and more brutal and abusive I got with him. The more he came back for more. Is that what men are about? They are so into the challenge that they want to be abused?

Using my fake account, I emailed him back saying that he was a pathetic slob like the rest. That he probably was the type that asked all about a girl, pretended to want to get to know her and then when you did--you admit you just wanted a blowjob. His response "oh no....I am a gentleman. I actually have never even met a girl from the site or even spoke with one. I just joined" (oh boy....how glad I am to know this bastard is so full of shit!! lol)

My response "aah! oh yes, 99% of men say that. They have never met a girl and you probably met one yesterday or Friday!" "Never" was his response. Okay, now I have no respect for this guy. Player to the max...I knew he was cocky and obnoxious but how upsetting if I had been interested in him. Anyway, I was going to leave it. He wasn't worth the energy...just let him think I fell off the face of the earth. Later on that afternoon..."how is your day going?"

Oh man! This guy is a ridiculous. Now I should just walk away....but reading his email and the bullshit he was flinging was getting to me. He said he has a Jaguar, lives in an exclusive part of my city and is some high end executive. Hmmmm.....that was a Ultima he was driving, lives about 5 blocks away from me and I was at his office---he ain't no high end executive.

Why do men lie? Why do they have to turn it into such a pathetic game? Sadly I always believe these guys. I like to take people at face value until they prove otherwise. Am I too trusting? Should I just be a bitch? Do men need those ridiculous games? I am so thankful I was not into him.

Well the devil in me wants to teach him a lesson. The devil in me wants to continue the charade and make him meet me someplace and never show up. I was a little mean....I baited him saying that I have had three affairs--two were just wild lustful sex and one was a friend with fringe benefits. I told him I wasn't into the friend thing....just was looking now for the lustful sex and a guy who loved blowjobs. Now he wants to meet!! (I wonder why?!?!!?!?--lol)

He's gone till next week so the fun is over for now. Hopefully I will realize this is not a nice game to play and I will stop. But damn, he so deserves to be taught a lesson.

Another Loser to Add To the Dysfunctional Frog Blender

Well I met the guy from my town. What a cocky bastard. He gave the cat and mouse game a new definition. I am sooooo not into it. His fantasy was for me to meet him and we just screw like bunnies. Oh please...

He wanted to meet today--I couldn't. He called me but I couldn't talk. got an email form him tonight...I couldn't call you back but I was thinking I have to be honest with you....I am looking for something different. An occasional blowjob with not commitment. I had to be honest with you, I would never be able to commit to anything more. Of course if you are willing to fulfill my fantasies then we should give it a stab.....

Well, I almost keeled over with laughter. Here is another one!! I wrote back..."find yourself a prostitute...less energy, less money and no commitment. Nah! Can't play by your rules and have no desire to fulfill your fantasies. Just think when I see you around town....I'll be thinking that guy missed out on some great sex and blowjobs!!"

I wasn't being mean just realistic. After Mr. Government, I'm not going down that path at all. Actually, his personality is funny (a little too cocky) but why bother? If I wanted that abuse I could have stayed with Mr. Government.

Mr. Government read my emails and well he's obviously not happy that I said good by. I didn't ask him to let's try again...I basically pointed out that the things that he said he got such a kick out about me was exactly what he refused to give me...the friendship part. Well he was back online at Ashley again today. I hope he is miserable and doesn't find what he wants. Childish? Yes, it is but I want him to miss me.

Ironically, I noticed that The Local Guy sent an email to my dummy account...remember the one I set up to catch Mr, Government. How funny!!! Well, I decided to play with him. Oh its mean but not really.... Listen, I want to see a pix before I bother continuing this conversation. I don't have time for bullshit so just send it and we'll maybe talk after if you are acceptable! LOl

Unfortunately, all this secret lovers lane seems to be making me harder and a little bitter. I don't like that side of me. I am beginning to think I am not right for Ashley. I should join a book club or something. These men are all the same. Sadly, a girl with a brain doesn't really matter to them. A girl with personality doesn't matter. Gotta Pussy and a Mouth? You Pass!!

Thankfully I am really busy planning a big celebration. I am not in the mood for the bullshit these days. Off to sleep. Off to try and forget all the losers I have met. Scarily, my husband looks better!! At least the guy appreciates the brains, my personality and respects me as a person.

An Affair Of Compromises

Compromise....

Life is compromising. An affair should be that both people walk away with the fulfillment they need. When we walk out that door, I can't think this may be the last time we see each other. No strings, no connections, no friendship....you might as well leave the money on the dresser as you leave.

He won't say good by..he wants his cake and eat it too. He wants me to be able to be happy with a 5 word text message once a week. Hi Cheri, How are u? He wants me to be on call....maybe we'll meet this week or three weeks from now. He wants it on his time. What about what I want?

Well it hurts.....but I need to send the response. I need to tell him I want more and I can compromise but I can't totally live by his rules. I am having a hard time hitting the send button...but here goes.... It's off. He won't compromise...it's over.

Well Mr. Government:
Good luck finding that girl who can survive on no calls and a 5 word text message.
Good luck finding a girl that will put up with knowing nothing about you.
Good luck finding a girl who doesn't mind being on call.

Hey you know what....remember how much you said I totally satisfied you. Remember how you moaned everytime my lips touched your cock. Remember how hard you came and how you looked in my eyes and told me how fucking amazing that was. Remember how I oiled you up and massaged your every muscle from head to toe. Remember how I sucked your cock for over an hour to prove that you could get it up and cum again....Remember...because you will miss it. Aah yes, that "kick you got out of me. How you loved my outlook on life...how special I made you feel." Hmmm...your gonna miss that.

So good luck finding a woman who can handle your rules. Good luck my dear!

Yeah,,,that's the note I really wanted to send. Of course you know I didn't but it feels good to get it off my chest. While the real note didn't have as much direct words...I did say it was fun and unless he can compromise..it is good by.

I'm off to try and get some sleep. More and more a life of celibacy is looking better and better!

Drinking, Friends and Love Affairs

Yesterday was an excellent day!! I have been working on a project and yesterday was "D" Day. Sink or swim. And........boy did I swim!! It went off amazing!! So to celebrate, I went out to dinner with a friend.

We went to this local place that has happy hour but the good little girls that we are....we went to the restaurant part. However, we did pass through the "meat market" for what we call a "still got it check". Yup, all the guys looked and offered to buy us drinks. Okay, whew, we still got it!!

Then it was off to dinner and we chatted. Boring chat..until the drinks started to kick in. She's also unhappy in her marriage (are we surprised?!?) We started talking "Hypothetically" of course. About cheating. Both agreeing how amazing it would be to be with another man who could fulfill our needs. Discussing how we are so much more comfortable with our sexuality. And the conversation continued until.....she finally blurted out "Okay, I am fucking my contractor. Who the hell are you fucking?" Well, my wine sprayed out of my mouth. Okay, we both confessed. Me not being totally honest. Told her about Mr. Government and a married but looking site (no specifics of how many men I actually met with but I did confess to a few meetings with no details). Then we discussed how we both have been having the most outrageous orgasms. How sex has never been better and how quickly we can now cum. Hmm..an hour ago we were discussing school and which committees we were joining this year.

Her situation is bizarre. Her contractor has extended a job that should have been two months to about eight now. He comes over, they screw like mad all day and then he will put a screw into a piece of wood and calls it a day. Wait it gets better. He eats over with the family (husband included). Her husband has changed his spot at the dinner table though. the contractor is no longer allowed to sit next to his wife at dinner. aah! your typical American Family Dinner!!

Well, he was out last night so I said "what are we doing here. Don't you want to go where he hangs out?" So off we went. Now, you have to know my girlfriend. I am tame compared to her. She is amazingly hot and loud. We pull up and out of her sunroof she screams to her "Friend"... she knows, she's okay with it, she's fooling around too...get over it". Well at least this man knows she is nuts already!! Actually, we had a long talk about my friend. All I could think was..I wish a man had half that twinkle in his eye when he talked about me. He just went on and on how much fun she is. What a great few months they have been having and how happy he was.

Now, some think that I want a "Boyfriend"..well talking to him confirmed one thing. I don't. Surprised that I said that? Well its too much, too intense, too involved. I can see how they are, I can see their connection and well it is amazing in some ways--I can see how they are hurting too. He wants to be with her. He is even considering to leave his wife. Way too intense for me and actually way too intense for her too. So there has to be a happy medium right?

Well the place is a local dive. But it has huge potential that if we had the money...my friend and I would really consider to buy it. Location is phenomenal, has an outdoor terrace (rare around here) but we can't afford it Now this dive strangely was around the corner from his house (way too close for comfort). So, yes, I was a third wheel for the night. Oh, there were tons of contractors, restaurant owners and a few other select men of interest. But I just sat and chatted as they filled my glass (glass after glass after glass). As I was talking to a very nice restaurant owner, I believe he gave me a free dinner for two to his restaurant (gotta check my purse--its blurry at that point)...my text message goes off... Oh we all know...Mr. Government. Yup...wanting to check on me. Again, how did he know I was out?? Strange again huh?

Well Alcohol + Text Message from Mr. government = Horniness!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even know what I wrote back. I do remember saying..."I want you" . Anyway, today I was sicker than a dog. I can't drink like that anymore. It was bad...my head was killing me and I was really, really sick. I decided to write Mr. Government a little note... " I don't remember what I said last night but I don't know what to say to you anymore. So many mixed messages, you are impossible to read. Will you ever give me some clues on what is going on in your head? It can't continue like this." An immediate response.... "I will email u". So I am expecting my walking papers tonight to be officially delivered in an email.

So should we take bets. What will it be?
1) I am feeling guilty can't continue this affair
2) You want more than I can give you
3) I found someone else

And the winner is................

Another Game of Cat and Mouse..I just want to Purrrrrr!!

Did you ever feel like you just co-exist with your spouse as roommates? Well that's how I have been feeling. We interact because of necessity with the kids. Actually, without the kids around--I don't think we would have much to say. One of my children are away right now--I notice our interaction was less and less this week. However the fighting was less too. Is it just that the bickering was missing so we were interacting less? I don't know if that makes sense. So what would it be like if the kids weren't here? A silly thought because I have many years to go before they leave the house and by then I would be so old and senile I probably won't even remember I live with him. (lol)

Anyway, as I told you there was one guy left at Ashley that I had been corresponding with. I decided to write a few more times and see if that was going to take me anywhere (okay, I was feeling empty and not very loved)!!

Well I am not getting very high hopes with this one. The conclusion--another control freak. We have great conversations however....I need someone to just want to smother me in affection. I am like that pussy cat that just wants to crawl up on a guys lap and have him just stroke me. Purrrrrrrrrrrr!!! New to this...he is into the cat and mouse game....I am tired of it. I want to forget the games and spend an afternoon in bed with a guy, having hot sex, massaging each other, enjoying each other, pleasing each other and just talking and enjoying each others company (while we fondle each other). Now that is a perfect afternoon!!

Damn, if I don't find someone soon, I am going to have to go in for collagen treatments. My lips were so amazingly full after an afternoon of sucking on Mr. Government's cock for hours. That afternoon, I was sooo into pleasing him. He's going to miss it!

Well let's see...he's a control freak who lives in my neighborhood and refuses to send a pix. Usually to me that means that he is a DOG!!! Wow!! Describing that, I wonder why I am even considering to meet him?!? lol I guess it is curiousity. Aah! I can use an iced coffee today!

Well have a great weekend if we don't speak before! If I meet him, I'll be sure to let you know how it goes!!

Comfort Foods

Today, I was in desperate need of a comfort food. Do you have one that makes you feel better? I actually have two--cheesecake and mashed potatoes (not together of course). But when I was a little girl and I would get sick...I would eat a bowl of mashed potatoes (the only thing that would go down my throat). It always made me feel better. So I guess that's where it came from. Cheesecake is just so damn yummy....a good slice of cheesecake can satisfy me better than some sex sessions!

So as I am sitting here tonight and eating my mashed potatoes, I realized that both the cheesecake and the mashed potatoes have that creamy sensation that must comfort me. Something about the way it melts in my mouth. Now in my mood, I start to think "would I get pleasure from a cock covered in mashed potatoes? What would my reaction be..would it be an even better blow job? For some reason, the thought is really becoming a turn on.

Would I have the balls to ever order creamy mashed potatoes in a restaurant and slip under the table to see if I could lick it off a guy's ? Or even better..I wouldn't tell him and order a side order to go. Walking out with my doggie bag, thinking about what I was going to do with it....now that would be hot.

I would have to decorate it like icing on a cake. And my tongue would have to work overtime in order to get every tiny little bit off. Definitely harder than eating an ice cream cone. Now the sensation on his cock would have to feel good....kind of like a warm silky blanket and the swirling of my tongue....

Well this fantasy has certainly made my dinner even more yummy and it cheered me up. A rough day at work....lots of stress....and a lot on my mind these days. Having finished my mashed potatoes as I write this...I am off to bed...too tired for a bath, too tired for dreams....too tired to even feel that void. Sweet dreams (of mashed potato mountains a la cocks)!!!

Tormenting Desires

So it's been awhile since I wrote a sappy poem. Well this weekend this one just came flying out of me! Not a great piece of work, but I think it expresses what is going on inside. Today I wasn't as euphoric about being alone...but I did a lot of what I had to do....funny how so much could be going on in my head...and if you spoke to me or saw me....you would never ever guess. Isn't that funny? We all walk around with secrets, secret feelings, secret thoughts.....and we look so "normal" on the outside. Aah! All those dirty little secrets we have!!

"Tormenting Desires"- by Cheri

So much confusion goes through my mind,
Looking for fulfillment I may never find,

My heart yearns for completion, the touch of a gentle hand.
As nothing seems to work out as I planned,

The turmoil, the sexual desire swirls violently inside of me,
An end to this frustration I cannot see

My body craves a man's body and soul,
But the search for this special man is taking its toll,

My desire to join together, bringing sexual heights that we never knew were within
Satisfying our wants, desires and needs..forgetting it is a sin,

Together, we will explore, going places beyond our wildest dreams,
Some blindfolds, some handcuffs, a variety of whipped creams

We'll meet in a hotel room and we wil close the door
And fulfill each other until our bodies and orgasms soar

Taking us to places that are in dreams hidden in our mind,
The ultimate of ecstacy as you screw me from behind

There has to be a man out there who can handle my desire
A man who will fill me completely and truly light me on fire

Are you there? Are you around? Is it so hard not to play a game?
The men are beginning to all act and sound the same

I need a sexy man that is funny, spontaneous and has a brain
Someone who can handle an affair and not drive me insane

Are you out there? Will I find you? Can you handle a friendship too?
Stick it in, explode, pull it out is all they seem to want to do

Well mental stimulation, fun, a connection-- is just so damn hot!
And I will continue to look one day & find one that is different from the lot!

Impossible Not To Flirt

Today I decided that I am not going to flirt or look at another man or even think sexually. Ahem...it's damn impossible. Can anyone go a day without thinking about sex? Can anyone go a day without flirting with someone? Well I can't. I LOVE to FLIRT!!!

If you remember, a while back I flashed the guy at the local store. Well I saw him today. His face lit up when he saw me and I just laughed. BUT I was good and didn't flirt. Just got my gas (and I didn't bend over for a quick peak). The cute guy opposite me at the pump started to talk to me about gas prices...I kept it very cordial (and didn't even allow my mind to wander).

So tonight I was being a good girl and playing my Yahoo games when an Ashley message comes through. From DirtySweet69 or something like that. Well I had to see....and well this guy was cute BUT he sent his penis too. I was trying so hard to be good. Now his cock was huge. I mean this baby was very thick.....and you know my mind couldn't help but wander....what would it be like to wrap my lips around that baby.....STOP......now that would be some great penetration....STOP.... so I wrote him back.

"while the offer is tempting and you have quite a nice specimen...I must pass because I believe we are looking for two different things. But thank you for the look and I hope you find what you are looking for". Well he writes back..... "being with me is like going to a day spa. Take a trip to the city...and I will massage you in oils from head to toe, romance you, take you to lunch and we can have wild sex. Back on the train.....and it will be like an afternoon at a spa with all the amenities". I have never laughed so hard. I guess if you are looking for a day to escape...that is truly a fun day!! But we all know, that is not what I want but it did make me laugh. He sent me his telephone number and said to call him. How funny!!

And then the weird email...from Mr. Fireman. I felt like I was in a time warp. Like nothing was wrong.....asking if I had a fun day in the park yesterday. I have no idea what he is talking about...if he didn't write my name I would have thought he messed up an the IM was for someone else. Isn't that bizarre? Actually, I am not going to answer. I am curious what the hell happened but I am going to just ignore it because I don't understand it.

Well overall, today was a very liberating day! I felt free. Does that make any sense? I felt really good...I felt in control for the first time in a long time. I had a few slips (my mind wandering about Mr. Government) but I caught myself and went on with the day!

So I made it (ahem --Zorro! I made it through day 3). Yup!!!! 3 days and I haven't caved in. Here's to feeling alive!!

Too funny of a weekend!!!!

The next time I mention a quiet weekend for me....shoot me!! What a disaster, I never even got away. Hubby's car broke down so he was suppose to work (and needed the car so I couldn't go away)-- I resorted to plan 2....just doing some things I have been avoiding doing around the house . Well I was outside saying good by to my kid and the hubby has a back spasm and collapses on the driveway. He couldn't get up and I certainly couldn't get him up.

So I could just leave him there and drive the car around him when I did my errands or....be a good wife and call 911. Hmmmm...come on , you know me better than that...i called 911. Now they come and scrape him off the driveway and whisk him away. My neighbor came out..."So you are finally trading him in for a new model?" Now we are not being heartless as he layed there...he actually wasn't in pain as long as he was flat on the driveway. As the ambulance came and they picked him up and put him on one of those boards..I decided it was a perfect opportunity for a photo op.

My children would never believe this so there I am snapping away step by step for the kids. I sent them to my son, he was howling because I added captions. Okay, I have a warped sense of humor.

Well I don't find it funny that I had to play nurse all weekend. Oh it wasn't a fun role playing nurse that I always wanted to do....it was actually..get me this, get me that, I can't take care of the kids, I can't do anything type of weekend.... I can't wait for work tomorrow. So let's see, in our marriage--his one saving grace was that he helped out a little with the kids....
its getting worse and worse each
minute!!

Well, I did have time to think about things this weekend. And I think I made some good decisions.

1) I am not a whore...just horny!!
2) I have to think more about pleasing me than these men.

3) I have to stop believing what they say and see the actions.

I try to look for the best in people. I always assume people are telling the truth unless they prove me wrong. So sadly, I have to stop doing this. This is where I get in trouble--believing and then they turn out to be an ass.

and I know there is more but I am tired...lol

Mr. Fireman turned out to be a very weird one. Called me twice after we met , emailed me..how great our meeting was...asked me to meet Friday again. When I said I might not be able to, we'd have to make it next week....I didn't hear from him again. What?!?!? Wait, it gets better. He changed his name in Ashley and wouldn't email me back....how bizarre. I think he saw that I had been on Ashley and got pissed. That is the only thing I can think. It doesn't matter but here is a great example how I am soooo concerned about someones feelings and how funny, the shy ass wasn't even the slightest bit concerned about my feelings. Thankfully I didn't matter to me--wasn't sure where or if there was potential but please...show some respect. And BTW, when you change your name on Ashley Madison (and you are in someones favorite list) it just changes the name!! Honestly, I don't think he did it to escape from me (damn I'm not a stalker) , his name sucked and now he picked a better one.

A really big step for me, I think Mr. Government is gone to be gone for good. I know, this is the twelfth time but this time I called and left him a message. I get a text back...please try to correspond by email or text only. Okay, this is not doing it for me. Granted, it could be his wife was around but call and tell me. Stop setting the rules, stop controlling the whole show. I need more than that.

I responded "Wow you really know how to make a girl feel like crap. Thanks!" And that is it for me. I am going to try my best to stick to my guns on this one. If he wants me, its got to be a situation where we are both comfortable with it. Lately, I have just been living by his rules and its not fulfilling me when we aren't together. Now when we are together---damn I am fulfilled--my juices cannot stop flowing. He just does it for me. But he has turned into a cold person lately...he's so afraid that I might get too close. I looked at some old emails....we used to have that flirty fun..now I am so careful...it's not healthy.

So that's it. Hmmm..it's looking like I am once again ALONE! Talk about SAFE SEX! Tadpole is status quo, Curious George is status quo...at this point they are just good friends. And there is one more guy left on Ashley that I was corresponding with but I am not into persuing it. And you know what? its actually okay. I decided that I am going to be more selective and actually not look for it as much. will it find me? No. But I am not going to try and make things work where they can't. So a little more ME time will be good for me. Hard but good for me. Gotta keep my mind occupied so I do not do anything stupid about Mr. Government.

And thank you all for your comments....damn you are all amazing!! I don't know what I am going to do with the blog...I will continue the journey but it won't be filled with sex. Probably a lot of masturbating and dreams and fantasies....but we will see. Have a great Monday!!!!!

A Whore Is a Whore Is A Whore??

Okay...Tony M (known as T-)..sent me this pix. Can you die?? I was laughing so hard --it so fit my entire last year at Secret Lovers Lane AND my entire frame of mind and blog entry today! thanks T-!!!! This is a classic!

I started this blog, almost a year ago, as my diary to my soul. Since I couldn't share my Dirty Little Secret with anyone in my life, I felt blog entries would be a great way to unload my inner thoughts. Never did I even suspect, that people would read my blog...hee.hee. Never did I expect that I would meet such great people along the way.

I truly was disillusioned and thought that I would easily be able to find a man that was into the same things that I was. I wanted someone I could share some hours during the week....kind of like a buddy that I laughed with emailed, text, spoke with-- and then when we would meet we would just explore our sexuality. Let's face it, how much exploring did you do before you were married? I always had a boyfriend but the sex wasn't anything I would chalk up to bringing us both to heights of intense passion. Some were hot....most were just plain sex.

So I wanted to push the limits (or the envelope as some would say). The last year has been great exploring, trying new things, feeling that intense passion that had so been dead. I have come back to life (literally)! But the reality, I still haven't met a man who can give me what I need....the respect, the buddy, the passionate sex.

Am I looking for a serious commitment? I am not. Because reality stares me in the face. My life has complications that I am realistic about....they are hard for me to handle sometimes, I would never ever think I would find a man that would want (or be able) to take on such responsibilities. In fact, my conclusion is that if I was going to ever leave my husband....it would be when I wasn't involved with someone....just to be sure that I was leaving for the right reasons (not with false expectations of hooking up with this other man).

I can write over and over again that I am a good girl. That I deserve (and do expect) respect. I have done some amazing things in this world that I have made a difference. I have left permanent and positive marks (and will continue to) with many of my efforts in life (especially my advocacy work). Yet, I find that I am treated like a common whore by some of the men that I have run into. Is it what I should expect wanting to explore my sexuality? Does that "Title" and "treatment"come with the desire to explore and have an affair?

Last night, I was on the IM with Curious George. He had paid $60 to cam with a woman and talk with a woman. Hmm...it made me think....what makes me different from that woman? What makes me different from a prostitute? The only thing--I am not charging!! If I am not getting the friendship and respect, then I am just a stupid whore who gives the goods away for free. Is that what my life has become and how others see me?? Are the guys looking on Ashley Madison just looking to fuck me like a whore? It actually is beginning to feel like that.

So, I am taking the weekend off. Taking some me time and truly re-evaluating my life and my frog associations. The big question--is it worth all the energy I am putting into finding a great guy just for a couple of hot sessions of amazing sex? Do I clean the slate and begin again? Do I just leave this all behind and just hope that Mr. Prince Charming will find me one day? A lot to think about....

Wishing you all an amazing weekend!!!

Happy HNT!

Happy HNT!
Sorry, some of you emailed me that it was too dark...here's a lighter version... it's a tamer week than last week (it's what and who I am thinking about that makes it dirty!!!)

Cum On Baby Light My Fire!!

Not being able to think of a good place to go in such heat, I chose StarFucks (what a surprise!) for my meeting with Mr. Fireman. I arrived 5 minutes early and got myself an iced coffee and just relaxed. The weather was certainly playing a toll on me today not my usual upbeat self. I did have an opportunity to just sit there and think--what am I looking for? why can't I find it?

Someone emailed me today--wasn't excellent sex with Mr. Government enough? the answer--it would be if he wasn't so in control of the affair. He decided when to call, we mostly correspond with text messages these days, he decides when we are going to meet....its not enough for me. I need a call, I need a message on my machine or an email...something during the time we don't see each other. I feel like he is testing me...first time around, I was overly anxious...now I have been a good girl--trying to play by his rules, showing him I don't want a boyfriend. I haven't heard from him in awhile, haven't seen him in 4 weeks now....it's time to move on!

So Mr. Fireman walks into StarFucks and thankfully, he looks just like his picture. He is one hot looking specimen. I giggled as other girls checked him out as he walked in.... "sorry, he's here for me". Our eyes met and he has gorgeous eyes. They sparkled. He was wearing shorts and a tank top . He came right over (whew...I obviously looked like my picture) and he sat down. I could see he was so nervous so I kissed him hello and grabbed his hand. He blushed and smiled "your even more beautiful than your picture"..his lip seemed to be shaking a little. Damn he was so nervous.

We chatted a little but this StarFucks was getting super crowded and we all of a sudden didn't feel so safe. so we decided to take the heat and walk by a lake in the park across the street. We spoke a little, I grabbed his hand and he smiled. Damn this boy was so shy!! A Type A would have had me pinned up against the tree by now.... we sat on a bench and just talked. He kept taking deep breaths, he still was so nervous. "Relax, I don't bite. you are starting to make me nervous." He became apologetic...and I had to shut him up so I kissed him.

I love kissing....it is just sooo hot. Our tongues entwined, the sweat from the day and the sexual tension of whether we will or won't....it was really nice. The sparks weren't flying BUT you know how I love to see that I get a man excited and well,,,,, his shorts showed me that I got him excited. I could see his hard cock through his shorts...damn, this guy had potential in that area. I was so tempted to touch it....you know my hands can't resist touching a hard cock....but I was afraid the guy would faint or something..he was already so nervous. I didn't want to send him over the edge. Seeing his cock, kissing his lips, I was starting to enjoy myself when...............A TEXT MESSAGE CAME THROUGH!!

Without even looking at it, I knew, oh I so knew who it was ..Mr. Government. FUCK!! I could feel my heart jump. Manipulating bastard...how do you know? How does he know when I am out with someone else? Okay, here's the deal. This is the third time this has happened. I am beginning to get an eery feeling this is no coincidence. Keep in mind, he doesn't text me everyday...maybe twice a week. Keep in mind, I haven't heard from him in a long time. How does he know?!? Needless to say, he let the wind out of my sail on this kiss and I had to get back to work and he had to get back to his life. Anyway, he sweetly kissed me again and said that he had some days off coming up and how he would love to see me (if I was willing to see him again---how sweet). "Thank you for making me feel alive again" Oh boy....I wish I really, really, really liked him. I am not sure. In fact, I was feeling guilty that he definitely has more feelings here. Damn. I probably will see him again. the meeting was too short and well..not fair to be interrupted by Mr. Government.

So now here is the thing...how does Mr. Government know?
The options:
1)Tadpole says he found my blog. Just like the wise ass he is, he asked me how my Starbucks iced coffee was today!! (he kills me!) Oh dear, does Mr. Government read my blog? He would never tell me....its totally to his advantage if he find it. Is he reading my thoughts about him? Oh man, I am mortified. MORTIFIED!!! It would certainly explain how he knows I have meetings on certain days (but doesn't explain how he gets it soooo to the minute. Excpet he can assume its during my lunch--). He did make a comment as he left the hotel room the last time..."Don't write it down".

2) Having me followed---nah! Too expensive and extreme. Definitely not.

3) He can feel when I am slipping away. Maybe there is a pattern when I have had enough, I make a meeting with another guy. Maybe he knows that there is only sooo long that I can be patient (he definitely knows that). But is he that good at being a manipulator?? I didn't answer his text. I figured I would wait till tomorrow. This will be the first time that I didn't answer right away. I really want him to maybe step back and think....why didn't she answer? Is she gone? Who am I kidding, I'd have to wait three days for that and well I don't have the will power. And then there is my dear tadpole! Damn this guy makes me laugh. He claims (not the word claims) he may be able to see me on Friday. Do I bite again? Do I say okay and once again he cancels.

A SPecial Note to My Dear Tadpole: "Well if we decide to meet on Friday and you cancel dear Tadpole, I will have to hunt you down and use your cock as a real penis pendant for my nipple clamps!! No fake penis' like the ones on these clamps lol hmmmm...so what time are we meeting on Friday?? ?!?!?!"