A Calm Weekend

I had such a nice weekend...Long Distance Lover managed to be with me by text all weekend..it was so nice to fall asleep to a good night text and wake to one. It was so nice to get notes throughout the day telling me how he wished he could be with me.

I think when you haven't connected with your spouse in so long...it is a great feeling to feel wanted. I think you appreciate those little notes more and you love to give them back. I think we are both enjoying giving to each other...it feels so good.

We've never met but he makes me feel so good...he makes me feel so secure. It's a good feeling not having to wonder whether he's into me or not. I started planning our meeting since I know the area better. Now hotels are a totally different story...what do I know about hotels but I've narrowed it down to two that are not sleazy. One is actually a couple hotel (okay..that is clean but has funky theme rooms)....and the other is just your everyday nice room. Actually I don't care which one as long as we can be together. The anticipation has kept me so damn wet and horny.

On a side note, I got a few amazing notes from some of you who hide in the frog pond and never leave notes...I actually want to post one of them. Such an open, honest and true way that I felt about an affair. The truth..most of us go there...in desperation. It's the end of our rope....we desperately need to feel needed. We desperately need to feel that excitement in our hearts....we yearn to feel attractive, to feel someone is attracted to us.....there's a huge hole in our hearts.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. Some of you read this blog and have not crossed the line nor do you plan on it....and others are contemplating while others have crossed the line. Well, no one will judge you whatever choice you take. Of course, the smartest, the easiest and the best turn out is if you can bring that spark and connection back to your marriage. Many of us have tried with no success...and then..you end up flirting with me on Ashley Madison...(hee.hee) okay I was getting a little too bummed being so philosophical....

Have a great Monday!! Woo Hoo....I have a feeling this week is going to go sooooo damn slow for me. I hope we like each other when we see each other. Personally, I know I am going to be so damn attracted to him. I already am....his personality, his caring, his fucking hot looks.....oh yum!! We may be able to sneak away on Saturday....how amazing will that be.....sigh....

The Eagles Lyin Eyes

Tonight as I sit here with a glass of wine, the Eagles Lyin Eyes comes on the radio. I can't help but feel a connection with that song. Yes, that's every girls dream.....white picket fence, a couple of kids, a dog, a loving marriage, and a decent life. How sad when the love is no longer in the marriage. How sad when you can't communicate with your spouse...

Tonight,I am at peace. I'm sure the wine is helping. Writing this blog has been a huge benefit for me emotionally. In some ways, it has been my savior. You all have been there with me on this rollercoaster of life. The emails that you've sent to make me smile when I am down....and I love when I can help you as well.

The internet amazes me. The way you can get to know someone who is so many miles away. Now I am not just talking about the phone and cybersex (come on, I am philosophical tonight). I am talking about some of the friends I have made as well. Yes, I have non sexual friends that I have made here.....in fact, many of you have never crossed the line and I guess you read my blog to see what its like from a female perspective.

I look back to the two years and I am amazed at how far I have come. In some ways, I have grown tremendously as a person. I am much more confidant with my sexuality, much more independent and even happier. When I entered this blog....scarily to say...I was desperate. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Where am I headed? I am not exactly sure. I had hoped at this point there would have been a happy ending to this blog. But that's okay...ironically because of this blog and my friends I've met---I have learned that I may never meet Mr. Married Prince Charming AND that is okay. I am actually okay with that and am discovering myself as an independent woman. I think each frog has added to the mix and has taught me something else. And each friend has been supportive and helped me leap over those hurdles.....

As for Mr. Long Distance Lover. Only time can tell where that will go. But right now, we are fulfilling a loneliness that existed in both our hearts. And that is making me happy....

Sorry guys, no sex tonight. The wine and a trashy love novel has made me more serene!!
XOXO

The Torture Has Ended

Spoiled? Only Child Syndrome? As Curious George would say...he wouldn't want to play with me in Kindergarten..I was probably a horrible sharer. Actually I am a very giving person...but I guess I like the one on one thing.

I acted like a pouting baby today. Long Distance Lover had met the girl he has been with today...and well I pouted. I have absolutely no right to....I was happy for him but I was soooooo envious that he wasn't in my arms. I worked and worked and worked...trying not to think about him in her arms (and in her). It was actually torture...I decided I don't want to know anymore when he is meeting her. I felt like I was waiting for an execution or something. Finally, he emails me.

The pouting begins....I was so mad at myself...how could I let this get to me? I don't even know him....I have frogs all over the place. Selfish, very selfish. He called me and well he knew from my texts that I wasn't Miss Sunshine but I answered and tried to put up a front. Well, he said all the right things considering the situation. In conclusion, I dont want him to give her up...we haven't even met. But I also don't want to know when the act is occurring...it was torture.

I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground with him...but it is really hard. He is caring, he is sweet, he is so damn cute....he makes my heart flutter. I love that new romance feeling. I love that flirting and giggling and excitement. I can talk to him forever...I just enjoy him so damn much.

And what I like the best...is that I am me. I am not being something he needs me to be. I am not holding back in fear that he won't be able to handle my emotional overload.....Yes, I love to lavish someone in exciting emails. Yes, I like to tell him how special he is and how much I want to do him during the day.

Aah! I hope this works out. I am truly enjoying him. Mystery Man? Who is that? (hee.hee)

A Rollercoaster Day

Today was a rollercoaster of emotions....both work and personal. On a professional basis, I can be....well...tough. When I have a passion for something, a drive....it can overwhelm people...and today I did just that. Long story but she's not realizing the magnitude of what could be involved and I wanted to make her look great. Oh well.....a rough day at work (Thankfully my bosses backed me and see what I am trying to do and why. Rrrrrrrrr.....I find women so hard to work with sometimes. The independent, confident ones...I have no problem and get a long great with them. I think I scare others from a professional basis. I know I can be a whirlwind at times but thats what I am about....LOL

Long Distance Lover has been amazing. He is so passionate, so sexy and so open. I am loving being so open with him. I am loving making him feel good. Most men get scared of emotion...he isn't...he loves it and I love telling him how special he is. sigh....it's frustrating that I have to wait so long to see him. But I have gone over the meeting in my head a million times.....no expectations...I just want to feel his arms around me. No pressure.....I just want to take my hand and rub his cheek and trace his face with my fingers so I can study it and remember each detail. I love the ride up....I hope it continues. Scarily all my walls have seemed to fallen...I am quite exposed right now emotionally and its a little scary. I just can't get enough of him...he's intoxicating..

Feeling emotionally drained tonight....I went to the convenience store to get some milk. Dressed in a black tank top and khaki shorts...no makeup, my hair in a big hair clip and in thongs...I didn't look horrendous...but it is certainly not one of my better looks. I know the guy behind the counter for years. Tonight he looked at me and I smiled and said hi!

He looked at me and said...I know this is forward but you are so sexy. You are my kind of woman. I blushed and said oh please I look horrible....he said, I am 40..I know what I like..you come in here a couple of times a week and you make my heart smile when I see you.

That was the nicest thing. It wasn't a come on the way he said it. It was just a really sweet and honest remark that made me feel so good. Thank you...I said to him. You made me smile tonight too....And I walked out.

This made me realize...it's the little things that can change your whole day..your whole perspective. It's not always something major you do...but an unsolicted smile, a nice comment...can make the world of difference.

So I'm off to bed tonight....at peace but drained.

Sweet Wet Dreams!

I NEED TO........

FUCK! Oh yes, no doubt about it. It's been three weeks and I am about to explode. All this texting and back and forth sexual attraction with Long Distance Lover is really making me hot.

We are certainly a lot a like. Emotionally, we are looking for the same fulfillment which makes it pretty easy to know what the other person needs. The things he says just feels so good. He will text me that he can't stop thinking about me. Tell me how intoxicating I am. How he's wild about me..etc.etc.

Told a childhood friend today that I was planning on meeting him. She was shocked to hear I was going to BE with him the first time we met. I guess because we have been talking back and forth so much...I feel like I know him forever. the ethical thing is to wait....however, I can't. I really feel a physical and mental connection with him.

The distance...the distance is really tough. And realistically, that means we shouldn't give up our other lovers. But you know me...I am not the best at sharing (although I am getting much better). He;s seeing his lover on Friday or Saturday. I was shocked to see how it bothered me and I was so mad at myself. Practically..we've never met...PRactically...we are far away from each other. Practically...it shouldn't matter if we have other lovers. Realistically--I don't like to share!! So I am not going to talk to him for a few days.....yes, I am going into denial.....not think about him with her.

Okay, here is a weird thing.....tonight as I was sitting at the computer and thinking about how Mr Prize and I related very well....but mentally, Long Distance Lover is getting close to how I felt about Soulmate Chris. That total connection. That total desire to talk with him continually. That feeling that my heart was smiling when we were on the phone. And just as I was thinking that...who sends me an IM....SOULMATE CHRIS!!!!! We havent really spoken in months. We started to talk and well one thing led to another. He told me about his two women (since me) and well, I kinda told him I was having fun.

We talked....we even talked about our sexual encounter that he made me cry. We teased and talked and I laughed...he always makes me laugh. And I was soooooo glad to know that while I was still sexually attracted to him....that Soulmate thing was not there as deep. Yeah, he will be my friend for life. He helped me through tough times and he still knows how to make me laugh. But that intense, out of control....soulmate thing wasn't there. Much healthier now...

He was telling me how horny he was. Now if you remember....he is very, very well endowed. Yes, I have to say in the Girth department...he is hung like a stud (or so I vaguely remember). "Let me see" I said to him. And so his webcam was on.....

Now, to my surprise...I forgot just how fucking big he was. His cock is so damn thick...it took my breath away for a second. Wow, I said. Yeah, I had to give him the credit where credit was due. I haven't seen a thick, thick cock like this since I dated this guy in College (it didn't fit at first). Well, feeling like I needed to get my mind off of Long Distance Guy....I played with Soulmate Chris a little until he came. I want to see you again..he said... that would be nice...I said. And we agreed we'd talk again soon.

Comfort Lovers seems to bw this weeks theme. I think I just don't have the desire to find a new frog. Long Distance Lover is keeping me mentally happy (and horny). And the old familiars....are also what I need. I have no desire to search for someone new right now. I am definitely just playing a little with the familiar frogs and enjoying Long Distance Lover.

Mr. Navigator text me yesterday. "I can't stop thinking about you....I really want to see you. How about next Monday?" "I got a date already, I told him". Change it he said....Nope I said...sorry. He flies around the world....and is actually going to be in Europe the week after that. I said to him "you want me....you change your schedule". Now I know, you may be thinking how ridiculous for me to say BUT I am tired of squeezing in between Italy, China and the States. So.....re-work it if you want me." And he said he would call me back and try to move a meeting to the following week and not fly out for three days. Hmmm.....we will see...I'd be impressed if he moved his business trip just to see me....

So that's whats cooking in Secret Lovers Lane. A possible Married Prince Charming, some MIA Frogs, some familiar frogs that make me happy (Navigator, Chris, CG and of course Tadpole)....... AND all these men and.....

I AM SO DAMN HORNY!!! I feel like my clit may explode...I'm wet, juicy and my clit is engorged...with no relief in site. Sigh....I need some hands on me soon. I need a warm cock inside of me....sigh...looks like the old vibrator is going to have to make his appearance tonight for some relief.

Sweet Wet Dreams!!