Do You Believe In Angels"

After feeling like I had a revelation with Mr. Astronaut, the bad date, the conversation with Mr. Security...I felt...wow, none of these men are for me. Not even on a sexual basis. they are just not doing it for me. Of course, Mr. Porsche is the exception. He came back from vacation and has been super attentive. It's nice.

So anyway. I began to think, I need to concentrate more on me. I need to learn a little bit more of what I am looking for in life and I need to live in the present. I find myself going through my life never living in the present. do you know what I mean? When I am sitting down working, or watching tv or driving in the car or whatever I am doing...I am always thinking about what I have to do. sometimes I arrive at a destination and I don't even really remember the ride. So now I am reading this book called.... the Power of Now. I also went and bought all these other metaphysical science books to read. Hey, $50 in the bookstore is certainly cheaper than therapy.

While I was there, I also found angel oracle cards. I decided to buy it as entertainment. For those of you who remember, I found that mysterious angel in my recycling bin. Well, I read the directions and I decided to do my own reading. I asked the question....will I be happy? and what card comes up.... the relationship card. Basically it says I need to re-connect my love of myself and my connection with God and the angel force. I need to look within and love myself and then other relationships will follow. SPOOKY... but it gets better. Later in the night and this morning again,,,,I re-did it and guess which card came up. I have only done it three times and all three times the same card came up. No..there are not 44 relationship cards. All 44 are different. I shuffled and shuffled so what is the statistical chance I would pull the same card three times in a row?!!?!! SPOOKY...
Life works in mysterious ways.

and btw, I tried today to live in the present and quite frankly, its a lot of work. I am a compulsive thinker.

A Shot Of Reality

Mr. Astronaut has been keeping a little distance. His normal banter throughout the day had stopped. He claimed he has a lot going on in his mind. I had a couple of hours today and told him to come over...he couldn't get over. Okay, I am feeling a little distance.

I just want to fuck him. I just want to play. He's not someone I want to get serious with just sexually serious with. Meeting in fun places, last minute, popping in mornings to fuck me before work. However, Once again, a man who thinks he knows it all. Finally I say to him. Okay, what's up? Don't pretend there is nothing. I know you for eight months now and this is a little bullshit lines you are feeding me. Are you not into us anymore?

What do you mean by us? he writes back

"Us? You and me and us fooling around"....and then lighting bolts go off in my head and I am feeling a deja vu again. Another man who is afraid of closeness. Another man who is reading my mind and emotions. Grrrr....and now a rush comes over me. Is this going to be another man who pushes me away everytime HE feels that I am getting too close.

"I have no intention of falling for you. We are just having fun."
"but you will" he answers
Cocky bastard so damn sure I will fall in love with him? "How do you know that you won't fall for me?"
"I won't. I have real control"
Aaaaah...."So if I get close to you...you will run?"
"Definitely" was his reply.

And so I began to laugh to myself. I sure know how to pick them. I sure know how to find every man who is afraid of emotion, closeness, desire. And as you can imagine my head starts to spin.

"You know you are missing out on so much. When I fool around, I jump in with two feet. No expectations of a future just enjoy the high with no walls. that's what makes it so hot. The boundaries and walls are down. Reality is, when its over, it hurts really bad but it hurts whether you give your all or you don't. You just move on. I want the high....I want that high of lust and passion. I am sorry you feel you have to have all those walls."

"I am used to disappointing people. I gotta go. ttyl" he wrote. Wow....here we go. I personally think he is the one who is feeling more and it is scaring him. I am not even in that place. He's a nice guy, I lust him but please..I am not loving him, I am enjoying the sexual contact and the foreplay. If he only knew the connections that I have had. This one hasn't even hit level 2. And I realized now, he stopped talking about threesomes the last few days since we were first together. Maybe he is afraid of the attachment or something?!

My final words, an hour later. "I think we should go back to our original plan. fuck each others brains out, spend two to three hours fulfilling each other and then we can move on". There was no response from him although I know he read it.

So what the hell is going on here?

Must Read websites

I have to confess, it has been so long that I have had the time to browse the blog world for great blogs that I would enjoy reading. Sadly, when I went to my favorites, many of them were long gone. I guess when you are writing for over 4 years, you gotta expect some people will move on.

So I ask you....what sites out there would I like to read? You know me. Recommend some sites. And please!!!!!! Do not write advertisements for affiliate program sites. I am looking for enjoyable blogs that I can follow and would enjoy reading. Any suggestions? What is your blog? I would love to check it out!

I did a little housekeeping here. Some of my pictures had lost their links on the sidebar. Boooo!! so I am going to be tidying up secret lovers lane these next few days or weeks. I guess if I am going to be inwardly reflecting on myself...I will be spending a lot of time with my old faithful blog.....

Mr. Astronaut stops by for an almost booty call

I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I sent Mr. Astronaut a text "Where are u?" At work, he said. When is your break? What are you thinking? he sends with a little smiley face.
Oh he knows what I am thinking. "I am thinking that I want to screw the crap out of you and suck you until you cum." I'll be over in an hour.

Showered, shave, sexy underwear, lots of lip gloss, makeup, and my silk robe with my leopard fuck me shoes. Now we are ready to go. Just as I finish, he texts me, open the door. There he was looking hot as ever and I pull him in, close the door and push him against my door with a lustful kiss as if I haven't seen him in years. I take his hand and lead him upstairs. We are chatting but we both are thinking about what we are going to do.

I rip his pants off and throw him on my bed. Aren't you going to close the drapes? Nope, lets let the world see. My room is high up so no one can see in but I have these huge windows that while its hot because it feels like the world is watching us, it sucks because it is so damn light and sunny in there. I have to think of a way to fix that....grrr... Anyway, I pulled off all his clothes and immediately began sucking his cock. And then he threw me off of him and began opening my robe and began to insert his finger inside of me. Oh man, he was searching for that g spot and was so close. Its raw there is no romance here. Wait, my toys. And I take his hand to my toy drawer. Oh shit, he laughed. Yes, its starting to fill up with vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, oils, rubbers, ropes, blindfolds....its starting to become a great collection. He grabs my favorite vibrator and we are back on my bed. He is kneeling and playing with my nipples and thrusting the vibrator deep inside of me. I am sucking on his cock. The wetness is almost out of control, the vibrator is slipping deep inside of me and out...its so hot and a wave of orgasm overcomes me.

He's telling me how fucking hot it is to watch me cum. And then I throw him over and settle inbetween his legs. Your going to cum for me. Oh yeah, can I cum in your mouth? YES!! And so I work my magic on his cock. Licking his head, sucking his whole cock, he shoves my head down but I do not gag...I can hear his moan. And then has he is buried deep inside my throat--he shoots and it hits the back of my throat...I gag for a second but hold on and he shoots again and I gagged again but held on......and then he grabs my hair so my face is looking into his eyes and he just said...you are so fucking hot and such skill. we both laugh.

Now remember, he is the one with the serious cuddling issues. So I just got on top of him and we talked a little. No cuddling although it was so tempting to crawl into his arms. I told him he could shower....and then he began to look around at my room. Holy shit, your room is unbelievable. It does look great with my steam shower, huge tube and now my four poster bed. What a setup you have here. When he finished his shower and we kissed a little more, he went and took a tour of the rest of the house. He had helped me build my steps and he joked that he couldn't believe I had done them (and he didn't even fall). And then I realized he was in deep thought. Oh no. The thing I learned about him is that he loves to save women. And honestly, while I am suffering with the bills and you all know how tough my life is....I am fixing the house up amazing. And I do not look at all right now like I am suffering. After awhile he says...you have an amazing home. (I felt like I lost points on that one. I guess I was losing that slut image in his head. It would be harder for him to own me and control me. I remind him how I work so hard for it. Seeing my house may have been a mistake. I guess it takes the mystery out of the person).

He left and he grabbed me and started to pull me close. Today was so fucking hot. And then he was off. Who knows where this is going to take us.....

Mr. Astronaut is caught up in this threesome thing and us not having sex until we do it. After that, I will do whatever you want. Those words just seem so damn hot and since I have been fantasizing about a threesome, hey, I think its worth at least looking into it.


I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I send

Horny and I Can't Land A Man

So there is a pool of frogs and I can't get laid. Mr. Security, I don't know what his deal is. We sat and talked for hours yesterday. I confessed to him that I was having other affairs, he was shocked. He also confessed that he was doing someone else right after me and before me. A double standard. I can't spend any more time with him. He's just going to be a friend if I can handle that. It's his eyes that draw me in and he knows it. I told him I was dating and he was acted like I was ruining my chances with him. Let's see, should I sit around and wait for him to finally knock on my door again? I don't think so.

I went on a date yesterday with a guy that was an example of what not to do on a date. He obviously didn't read the Ashley Madison helpful hints page. His wife is in Florida and he is up here. He is starting over. Now in today's economy, there are many men starting over. I offered to pay the bill (even half when it came because I felt bad). Half of the date he talked about how he is living with his mother, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches five times a week and sits home all the time. Wow, I was feeling sorry for this man but while he was hot, he lost all appeal. there is nothing wrong with starting over, I did. There are certainly rough roads (and I am still on them) but I never sat at a date just going on and on about my woos.

why do people do that? It's one thing if someone is your friend. But if you are on a date, why sit there and use them as a therapist. I left there bummed. Nice guy but not for me. And then he texted me four times after the date yesterday. I told him "Don't think so much. Action. You are the fate of your own destiny". Now what do I do? I am so bad at telling people I am not interested. Any recommendations? I have to get better at this since it is part of dating. I want a way that doesn't sound cold and bitchy. I want a way that it is sincere just, hey, we aren't meant for eachother.

Does Tiger Woods Owe US an apology?

So do you feel that Tiger Woods owes you an apology? He owes his wife and family an apology but he certainly doesn't owe anyone else! As I am writing this post, my local radio station is holding a Tiger Woods Apology Weekend-giving away all the things he should have given his mistresses to shut them up. It's pretty disgusting.

Did Tiger owe his sponsors apologizes? I gotta tell you, I am not crying for Accenture or Nike. They paid and reaped many benefits from his exposure. With any spokesperson, you take the chance of a scandal. Sorry, but that's the way it goes--he is human. And as a person who isn't a Tiger Woods follower, until this scandal broke, I didn't even know who his major sponsors were. Accenture?! I had no idea BUT now I do. Publicity, even bad publicity can be good. And let's be realistic, are men REALLY going to not buy a product because Tiger Woods had an affair? Truly all it does is remind a man of exactly how guilty he has been some time in his life of an actual affair or a flirt or a kiss. PLEASE...so I do not feel bad for these poor sponsors crying the blues.

And the mistresses. Let's be realistic here. Watching the press conference of his mistress with high powered attorney, Gloria--just screams I am suing you big time. I gave up my porn career....boo hoo. We all know that if you went back into the porn business your videos would fly off the shelf a lot faster now then before darling. Your crying press conference certainly didn't do it for me, it actually made me angry. Your new look of the business professional bob haircut and white prim and proper shirt was also ridiculous. We didn't even know who you were before. No one forces you to give up your career. You choose that road yourself. Did he promise you love? Did he promise you he was going to leave his wife? Hmmmm....let's use your brain here. Tiger Woods would never have a porn star wife! The waitress at Perkins had a better shot for his image. It disgusts me that she is going to sue him and probably get a lot of money. Baby doll, there are millions of women out there who have had affairs and we are not getting the millions. You knew the situation when you got into it. You knew who he was and you had the affair.

I honestly feel bad for Tiger Woods and according to polls, I am one of the few women who do. Affairs scare people. I have heard some of my lovers say--crap he's making this bad for all of us. Their wives are bringing the topic to the bedroom. An opportunity to see what your husband thinks about it. An opportunity to fish around to see if your husband shows any reaction or sympathy for him.

As he said, the power and his lifestyle made him feel like he was above the rules. He stands in a long line of politicians, movie stars, professional sports figures. They cheat because it gives them another high. Obviously going through therapy for a sex addition, they explained why he did what he did. But realistically, being on top of the world like he is and so young, unfortunately he was inexperienced and he thought with his penis. His choice of 11 less desirable women is what is really getting him in trouble and causing the distaste. If he had a few less affairs and with women who were more acceptable in society-it all would have gone down so differently. He should have gone to Ashley Madison and found some hot married women in all these cities. A lot less problems.

The man plays golf. He's not a preacher. I say leave him alone and let him work out his issues with his wife and kids.

February Blues

I always seem to get depressed in February. I don't know if it is light deprivation or what but I just want to crawl into a hole. the kids have off from school and it has just been so dreary. My littlest one thinks 4AM is a great time to get up for the day and I have been grabbing 2 hours of sleep, working, grabbing another two hours. My body is totally screwed up right now.

Mr. Porsche will be coming home from his vacation and I missed him so. It's not just the lack of physical contact but the lack of talking to him three times a day has put me into withdrawal. I also have a very big birthday coming (45) and I can't wait for the house to be in order and the construction done. Honestly, I took on too much but when you are in the middle of the construction there is only one way to go and that is to the finish line.

I have been sitting here evaluating my life and wondering what is going to make me happy. It's not men. I know that for sure. I have a date on Friday with someone new. Nice guy, cute but he reminds me too much of my ex husband starting over again in life. Nothing is wrong with that except selfishly, I would like to find a man who has already found himself. He doesn't have to be rich but have a decent career and financially be okay. Am I wrong for wanting that?

I had met a man on Ashley Madison that was brilliant. Talk about mentally stimulating. He has written a best selling novel on the brain and genetics. It's deep, its philisophical and it's also one of those deep theory books like the Secret. Very cult like. So I half jokingly said I think I can say that I finally met a man online who may be way out of my league in intelligence. I mean this was thinking on a whole different level. Now I can hold an intelligent conversation with the best of them but after reviewing his website, he was super deep. OR......so I thought. we exchanged maybe two emails when he said that I totally intrigued him but he did not have a car and we lived too far away from each other. HOWEVER, he's not into a long term relationship but if I was into casual sex then he would definitely be interested.

Okay, let's examine that statement. You live too far away and do not have a car but for casual sex you are able to get here?!? So I responded..... interesting, I guess you are so well endowed that your cock is able to stretch 30 miles? What a moron. I politely said that I could easily get sex, didn't have to travel for it and I only really wanted him for his mind. Stupidly, I had forgotten that I had given him my telephone number two emails before and as soon as he got it, he called me. Turned out Mr. super brain was your everyday ordinary man both in his talk and his stupid casual sex remark. We actually spoke about his book for awhile and I found it very interesting. I actually plan on buying it tomorrow. However, I was so turned off by his carefree, we can hangout one night and if we like each other hookup. Am I back in Woodstock?! Are we going to do an LSD trip too?! I am beginning to think he had a ghostwriter write his book or he just got damn lucky on getting a bestseller because if he said "and stuff" one more time, I was going to gag. and the only time I like to gag is when a cock is so deep in my throat and a man cums. Now that is a good gag! lol

Anyway, I have been deep in thought and so damn busy I don't know which end is up. the good news, one of my clients is going away for two weeks. That should give me time to catch up with my other clients and maybe get my head on straight. Oh, I have to tell you the furniture story, you will laugh. Sweet dreams for now!! Kisses to all!!!

Oh wait....Mr. Astronaut..I think I finally figured out the problem. He likes me. He has been backing off on the threesome but he also has backed off on the vulgar banter. I need to focus and you are too much on my mind lately. Hmmmm...what does that mean? You got unbelievable skills. I don't know, he's being polite, he's being sweet, we've had real conversations but then he is being so distant. so he either doesn't like me or he likes me!?!?! I am so confused. I wish I could figure men out. I have no idea.

And Divorce Attorney if you remember left me out of frustration. For years, he wanted to hear about all the men I fucked and four months ago he said he couldn't take it. I didn't give him anytime and he left in a rage. I let him go. Well at 2AM last night, he called me after so many months and he had the balls to get upset that I was sleeping. there are very few men that I would get up for at 2AM after I just had gone to sleep at 1AM. And quite frankly, he is not one of them. So how dare he get pissed. Grrrrrrrrrrr....I don't get men!!

First Valentine's Day Alone

I don't know what is worse, the Valentine's Day that I pretended that I was still in love with my husband or a valentine's day totally alone. Oh there was no pretending today, I was alone. But it was good probably because i realized there is no one in my life probably worth carrying over for the rest of the year. I know Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday but I do believe that you wish someone you care about or want to be romantically involved with a Happy Valentines. Mr. Astronaut truly fell short today. He actually came over to my house during the week and we had a wild time. No sex, well no vaginal sex. Anyway, he didnt wish me a happy valentines day and so later in the day, I wished him. his response...Thanx.

Ok, so haat happened to you too. Say Happy Valentines day...but just thanx. Amazing how when you suck a guys cock and he there is toys and orgasms involved, they get nervous. I am really hurt. I told him how I felt, I am sure it is over.


Mr. Porsche sent a business note with a happy valentines day to you and your family in there. Great, I appreciated him remembering but please, send and erase the email. Grrrrr...so I really am sad and realized there is no guy in my life that truly gives a shit. Well I should re-phrase that. Any man who has any feelings for me (supposedly) couldn't send a Happy Valentines. Of course, Mr. Fireman did...the ones I didn't expected. the ones with no emotional ties actually.


So today, I went out a bought a couch and love seat and a new powerful kick ass vibrator. And of course, I had to flirt with the furniture guy. And of course, he is married. Hmmmm....there seems to be a pattern here. I just love married men even though I am single now.

The fireman and few others from Ashley (some blasts from the past) wished me a Happy Valentines Day. The fireman is without a doubt a player. So while I had a lot of fun with the furniture guy, it still turned into a little bit of a depressing Valentine's Day...sadly, I am going into a depression. I am beginning to worry about myself a little....please, I hope this road turns. With the kids off and the insane workload, I am about to lose it

Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!

There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.


I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.

That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.

I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.

I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.

I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.

However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.

I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.

I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.

And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.

Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!

But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.

And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!

A Day Of True Single Fun

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Now It was His Valentine's Day Treat

FIRST--YES THIS IS US...I LOVE PHOTO FIXING!

Mr. Porsche loves to watch me cum. It gives him so much pleasure to watch each orgasm. But I also love to give him pleasure. Nothing is more desirable than to know that I am pleasing him. after lying down, I tokd him to roll over and I would give him a massage. A combination of deep massage and light tickles. He was in heaven. I massage ever inch of him from his head to his toes (literally). And then I worked my way back up to his ass.....slowly he feels me working up that way and he opens his legs.....I oil up the prostate massager and slowly and gently teasing him until he is ready to feel me insert the massager into his ass. I work it around until i get there and he rolls over.

Here's the thing about the prostate massager, it is hot when you find the right spot. It makes him lose control, giving him a strange sensation that makes him feel like he is going to cum hard and he doesn't. It's little internal orgasms that causes that euphoria. He giggles, losing control is not something he is used to. This feeling, like a little boy with a sheepish grin, he is enjoying it and I am getting wet knowing I am pleasing him, knowing I am controlling the situation.

His cock is huge and I can see his pre-cum at his tip. I try to give him a handjob but its his own technique that can get him off. this is probably the most frustrating thing. Oh, there is no doubt that I can get him hard as a rock, get the pre-cum there but I don't seem to be able to get him over the top. With rubbing his balls and his magic touch...he came and he came hard....the prostate massager rubbing and pressing against his prostate. Moving it around and watching him moan....yes, I managed to give him that Wow...the pinball TILT! He then finally came...I open my mouth as he squirts his cum all over my face, some in my mouth, dripping down my cheek and quite frankly some shooting over my head.

And then we laid there. It was late, we were doing it for over two hours already so there wasn't much time to cuddle. He doesn't love cuddling, he does it for me. He told me he is happy to do it for me because he can see in my face how much I enjoy it. I love the gentleness, I love the holding and closeness, entwined bodies. I am finding out more and more its not many guys thing but if they are willing to do it for me, they are special.

And then I wanted to take a pix of him which turned into an ordeal with us outside, giggling and wrestling...the camera flashing all over getting flashes of light only. A woman had gotten out of her car and she was laughing at us, enjoying our little scene..running around the car, him grabbing me and the camera just flashing away. She actually stopped to watch us and she had that sheepish grin on her face. That look a person has when they are remembering some flashback in their past that brought her that fun, free romance.

We left and I was sad. Yes, sad because now I wouldn't see him for almost three weeks. Sad because my Valentine's day was over. This was all I was getting this year. Don't get me wrong, I guess its better than being with someone you have fallen out of love with, there won't be an awkwardness on the day, a twisting in my stomach but it would be nice to have someone especially since I won't have the children for the weekend.

The Devil of Lust Always Appears

There are times in my life when I have had enough of these men. I truly commit myself to working on me and not looking for men. Yes, I truly make an inner commitment to myself and begin thinking of all the things I am going to do to get me together, get my life together, get my children and home together (of course not counting Mr. P). Just as I get these things all set in my mind--the devil of lust appears. It has happened before, I have good intent and then men start to appear and tempt me.

This past week was one of those weeks or at least the beginning of the week was like that. And just as I am beginning my life of inner soul searching-- BOOM..the men start appearing. Men I have a hard time resisting. So let's just say Thursday was Mr. Porsche, Friday was a lunch with a new frog (Mr. Ken Doll) and Friday night was Mr. Astronaut...I cancelled on Mr. Beachboy because I was too exhausted on Saturday.

So I told you about my hot sex with Mr. Porsche on thursday. So now I need to tell you about my lunch and my steamy encounter with Mr. Astronaut. Oh man....Mr. Ken Doll was good but Mr. Astronaut, I get wet now from thinking about it. Damn, that man is smokin!!

Pre Valentine's Day Blow Job

Sadly, Mr. Porsche is not going to be around for Valentine's Day. Which of course, I am pouting. I knew I would be alone on Valentine's Day because it is a Sunday but I would have hoped to see him on Monday. this is tough for me. the realization that I do not have a lover on that day. It's ridiculously making me upset. I know, Mr. P says we can make our own day Valentine's day anytime we want. so today, we had our valentine's day.

I wanted to get him a new toy. Gentleman if you are not homophobic and you can handle a toy in your ass...I strongly recommend the prostate massager. And the one that has a handle at the end and it vibrates. I didn't write about my last rendezvous with Mr. P but this massager has given him orgasms that he has never experienced. He came and came again. He actually couldn't talk after he was so blown away.

So for Valentine's Day...I wanted to get him a new one with a different shape that also vibrated. Before we were going to meet I was going to go to the local sex shop. Now this local shop, you go through doors and in the back is this staircase (you gotta know its down there). Then there is a room filled with the easy Rated R stuff and then there is this backdoor. Porn, toys, funky stuff and bongs. If you have a sexual fetish, they got the toy for it! But you have to know it exists, there are no signs. coming down the metal steps, you can always hear me coming. My heels clank so loud on them. so I get down to the first room and from the staircase, I see a guy in a suit at the register...crap, I always worry I will meet someone I know there. And boy did I know that man...it was Mr. Porsche. He said my face was priceless. We spoke and pretended that we weren't lovers but how funny....I made him come with me to pick out the toy that he wanted. He actually loves the prostate massager we have so we got him vibrating cock rings.

we met at the motel and funny how we used to secretively go in but now we just go in together. we put our stuff on the bed and decided to share presents first (since we could use them). I had also bought him this audio book for becoming a certified hypnotherapist. And then I had THE CARD. Yes, I decided after two years, it was time to tell him how I felt about him. The card was a little heavy but not crazy. It actually said how much I love how we could talk about things, even the tough stuff, I loved how we always were there for each other...etc. etc. the card didn't say I love you but it said how much I love what we have. And then I wrote inside...how special he is to me and how I wouldn't change anything (except that I wish I could buy him things and that we could spend more time together) but I told him I know its our reality and that's ok. I basically told him how much I appreciated him and how much I cared for him and how special he was to me. He read it and he kissed me. I was afraid of his reaction but he got it. It wasn't meant to ask for anymore of a commitment, just to express how great I thought he was.

Now you know from past occasions, that he can't buy me something personal. It's just him. so I really wasnt' expecting anything but some great sex toys (which he did buy). and then he said I have a little something for you, its not jewelry....secretly I had hoped it was but it wasn't and that was okay. Whatever it was, he picked it out for me and that's what was important to me. I had to accept that he wasn't going to buy me jewelry....he just couldn't. So he handed me a bag and it was Tiffany & Co...and inside was this fabulous tiffany designer pen. "I want you to sign all your big contracts with this"..... this was special. Because he knew how my career is so important and I have a thing with pens. They have to be a special writing feel and weight (I know weird but its my thing). Finally, a gift that had personalization and thought to it. I have gone out and purchased things with his money....a ring, a leather jacket but here he finally bought me something that was personal......I was so happy.

Now sex today was fabulous. gotta say the last five months have been over the top. When his cock gets full length, I can barely take it in my mouth but I gotta say...I am getting really great at deep throating...I can get his head down my throat pretty deep.....I love sucking his cock. In my life there are two cocks I loved sucking. And we know who those were.

I crawled in between his legs and I gave him a valentine's blow job to remember....slurping, sucking, deeper and deeper...he was in heaven. I could tell. doing everything he loves, rubbing his balls and doing the exact lip and tongue action that makes him grow huge. Ironically, I had my camera that he bought me in my bag...I brought it to the bed...oh no!! he screamed and grabbed it from me. Oh come on....I want pix of us, of me sucking your cock. Now there is a Valentine's day present. He grabbed the camera from me and began taking pix as I sucked his cock. It was hot and honestly the pix came out great. I am in between his legs with his cock standing straight up and my eyes look so far away. then he took pix of me sucking his balls and his ass. I just looked at them and they are hot. So I had to doctor them for my blog..but I think you can get the idea from the pix above...

And then he flips me over and starts to fuck me with my legs spread...he loves pounding deeper and deeper and when he reaches my gspot you can hear me moan. But deviance is his style and he starts to squeeze my nipples....as I screech a little, I can feel him growing inside of me. Okay, I admit it, it felt good, he wasn't hurting my nipples this time but I knew if I screeched..he would grow bigger in me. We fucked for awhile....and then he took out my new toy. OMG! this toy made me die. A dolphin that had the right nose to hit my gspot. I could feel the orgasm coming over me like a wave. It was so damn hot....and then my back arching and the screams and moans. But Mr. Porsche is relentless. He knows that satisfies me but instead of just the earthquake...he likes to make the small tremors come too. so now he is still going after my gspot and rubbing my clit and I am like a fish out of water on the bed...orgasming and my body is flopping all around. I beg him to stop...it becomes too much. I call it the TILT. Like on a pinball machine...its so exciting that it is overload!

we finally crash on the bed and he holds me. I love being held and he knows that. It's his turn now! A special Valentine's Day for him! Part 2 will post by Monday....sorry, I am exhausted.

Spontaneous Roadside Sexual Fun--SPOILED

Mr. Astronaut has continually been in my life for eight months now. We haven't seen each other but our BBM's (which stand for Blackberry Messenger) are hot...super hot. Amazing how someone can be with you and its just through the computer. when I had three emergencies, he talked me through each one and was there for me. The pressure I am feeling for a threesome is unbelievable and then I remind myself--you have met him I once crazy lady. I actually posted to see if we could get a third person. I figured I had nothing to lose and if someone responded, I could decide then. So far, no responses since its probably not on the right website but I put it up. His ridiculous theory is that if we have sex, we will never do a threesome. We will both get attached and then the threesome is out of the window.

Last night I had a big meeting and it ended at 10PM. I decided to BBM since we were BBMing all day and I was sending pix of the internet to him like crazy. He loves my lips sucking on the vibrator the best. He says that makes him so horny and he comes so quickly using it as incentive. Anyway, I BBM'd him.

"Where are you?"
"Leaving work".
"Meet me on the highway....I am passing your area...meet me and lets go wild on the side of the road. I want to devour you or minimum I want a long luscious kiss"...
"Crap, I am not in my area today..." he was 20 minutes away.

Going back and forth we were planning a meeting place and POOF..my phone goes dead. I ran out of radio connection. Crap....now I am horny beyond belief and I can't reach him. I had energy for one last call. shit, I went right into voicemail because he is BBMing me....crap! And then the phone dies and I can't find my car charger.

My plans for a hot, spontaneous meeting were spoiled by a damn phone. I envisioned three scenerios...if he stuck to his stupid no sex rule...I just wanted to meet him on the side of the road. Get out of my car and meet him at his car right outside the drivers side. I wanted to pull myself inside his coat so I could feel his cock and he loooves lip gloss. So I would have shined my poofy lips up to a laquer effect and then give him a kiss that would blow him away. No words...let my hands wander and just breath really heavy into his ear. One last kiss and then I would just walk away and get in my car.

Second scenerio was hot sex in his car. Amazing, spontaneous, over the top, mindblowing sex. As if you were never going to have sex again. Oh man, I was beyond horny....it was so hot that when it all fell apart...I tossed and turned all night.

I woke up this morning to his voice mail and during the night I got his BBMs. He was going to meet me and he wanted to do me. See? I knew he couldn't resist me and I can get him to put that threesome away for awhile. Hmmm...first I want to see if all this worked up sexual desire is worth it. He could be a dead fish in bed!

So I tossed and turned in my virgin four poster bed. The mattress isn't a virgin since Mr. Security and I did it before I got the bed...but the four poster...I need to do someone in that bed...mmmmmmm.....I am having less sex now then when I was married (and we know it wasn't my husband!)