The gentleman who commented have a good point. And it amazes me how just from my blog posts you can feel my mood. Feel my contentment. Yes, I am content. Yes, I am happy. I have Mr. Porsche who fulfills me in so many ways. But he doesn't go into the emotion section. He's a pussycat in his own way but he's a toughee. Type A controlling all the way. I do soften him and he has admitted that it does surprise him how he cares about me.

Mystery Man......its that part of me that was void....that he fulfills. That making love part feels so goood. that soft, sweet, gentle sex that we had...the connection that I long for. He does give me that. So having him back in my life (even if it was for a day)...fills my heart and voids.

The new man. Seems to pick up where MM stops. He is the newness, the future potential. He is very nice, respectful...I like him. I don't think he's the womanizer that I thought he was but we will see.

So....right this moment....I am definitely content. Emotionally, physically and mentally. And it certainly helps that my career seems to be getting on track. I put a proposal that would make me an additional $26,000 next year. And a new potential client and then this big convention --I have opportunity. So if I can close all that up.....financially I will be securer. Something that would certainly make me more content and help out so badly. Make those horrible anxiety nights lessen. I know money doesn't buy happiness. But when you are in financial trouble, it lcertainly can worsen your frame of mind and cause inner turmoil. And mostly, I am proud of myself. If I can pull this off.....yes, I did it myself.

So Cheri is a happy, overworked but inner peace is so damn wonderful. And when a day starts to slip...I have my flashbacks of MM going deep inside of me and Mr. Porsche whispering in my ear as he goes deep inside me....or looking up to seeing MM's smiling face as I am sucking his cock......Umm...I think you get it. Damn, now I am horny.....lol

An Empty Crater In My Heart

I started the day off in a real bad way. Feeling overworked and sad and ALONE. I have worked like a dog today and I feel so unappreciated. A client calls today-yes, the one who made me cry. All of a sudden he was sweeter than sugar. He needed me for something. Yes, it's this one client that truly takes advantage and works me to the bone.

My phone rang again. It was a friend who had bad news....my child's friend had died in their sleep. Secret Lovers Lane is not a place for kids, but with my life entwining so lately....and my emotions in flux..my different parts of my life are crossing. A sinking feeling and tears filled my eyes. With out getting into detail, we all dedicate our lives to our children....however, with a child with severe disabilities....the dedication is tremendous. You give your heart, your soul, your life...my heart ached for this mom today. And I have not been able to get this child's face out of my head. A child who was always happy and smiling and always filled my heart with warmth when I saw him. This child was extremely special demonstrating amazing strength with so much working against him. So I have a wake next week that is going to be heart wrenching.

The rest of the day, I threw myself into my work. Trying not to come out of it but the emptiness was so deep that it actually hurt. My chest hurts today. I kind of looked around and said What am I doing? I work like crazy to pay for a house, doing a job that I am underpaid for and stuck in a marriage that is loveless and not able to spend quality time with my children. Something
isn't right here.

And then....Mystery Man came to my head. Yes, my heart is aching for him too. How I wish that I could run to him and just get lost in his arms. How I can see us lying together as I gently kiss his face from his lips to his ear and so gently back again. How flashbacks of us fucking from behind as I look up at him and I can feel our souls connect and he would smile and throw me a kiss in the mirror. I don't know how we can leave that behind.....how I realize now how he was my escape from it all. How our bodies just melded together and our souls healed each other. I have held myself back all night from sending him an email...just saying I had to let you know, I Miss You So Much Tonight. But I didn't send it.

the truth is I don't even want to go upstairs tonight. The tears are finally falling now and I am not sure exaclty why I am crying. I think its the just the whole ball of wax...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I haven't felt like this in a long time.....a definite depression. Sweet Dreams My Friend!!

Afraid of Getting Old and All Stressed!

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