Happy New Year!

Yes, it is a new year and quite frankly I don't have that feeling of hope like I usually do. Not because of my life but the way the world is right now. I can't remember ever having such a gloomy feeling about where we were headed. I hope I am wrong--I hope this economy turns around. I hope the new year brings us joy and peace. But you can't help but feel an eerie gloom..like something truly horrible is going to happen. It's like standing on that edge...I truly hope I am wrong. I have been trying to ignore it and take up the Secret way of thinking. Positive brings Positive.

So.....have you made any new year's resolutions? My biggest ones are ones that haunt me year after year. Those biggies that you just don't seem to be able to tackle. Organization--yes, I hope to truly get my life organized and I am determined...working towards it now for two weeks...nt making a big dent yet but hoping! lol We are talking a house where everything is in its place....all my work is neatly organized and I am on to of everything. As for work, work more efficiently and take on the expansion I was hoping to take on. I feel really good about work... Family-my kids, spend more time with them. Play with them..something I haven't been able to do all year....sadly, I am always working. And then there is the diet, exercise blah blah blah...

And as far as my secret life..... focus more on me. The last two weeks, I have been browsing Ashley and found three great guys. But I realize my heart is not in it. Right now, I kind of want just Mr. Porsche. I guess I keep looking for a substitute for MM to balance me. I find that when there are two main frogs in my life...then I don't feel lonely and stupidly as it sounds, but the truth, I don't worry about falling in love. Did I say that? I did. I am in love with the person that Mr. Porsche is. I am in love with who he is and how he makes me feel so protected. And yes, I have recently said love ya. And he said it back in another conversation. I am not in love with him in the way that I would want us to be husband and wife. We would kill each other and my life is not conducive with his. But I am in love with us. The man who supports me.

So right now, The Greek God is getting on my nerves. He's anal and thinks too much, analyzes everything, every word, every action.....it's a little annoying. The security guy..not sure we are a match....I like him though....and who else was there? Hmm....the doctor.....he's not into me but I start to feel this flirtiness between us and I back off and quickly switch to work. He is now a client, I can't go there...

So what are your resolutions for the year? The 5 year plan....seemed so long ago and now it seems to be right around the corner. Yes, if things continue on this road...I may be single soon. I crave my independence and yet I fear it. Tried to get the hubby out of the bedroom , he refuses. It's going to get uglier.....so stay tuned for the war of the roses....lol

So.....all I wish for my readers....is HAPPINESS, HEALTH, PROSPERITY and ORGASMS topped with a year of amazing sex and sprinkled with some lust, passion, desire and some anal as the top cherry....yes, the 2009 Sundae would be complete

Unfaithful....with Richard Gere...WOOOOOO!!

For years. I wanted to see the movie Unfaithful. Problem is that it is not a movie you want to rent from the video store. It's like one of those books about having an affair or getting a divorce...not really recommended reading to have lying around the house. Definite RED FLAGS, if you know wat I mean. It had been On Demand for a little bit but then it came off when I went to watch it. It wasn't meant to be. Last night, it was meant to be!!

I was putting my child to sleep and browsing the channels and I saw the credits to a movie with Richard Gere.....I caught it from the first second. Now they probably cut out all the good parts but the main story was there. And let's just say, I do not recommend it on my top ten list of movies for people wandering...lol I obviously related 100% to the female character...actually, I felt like it was me...the way she lived the two lives. Scary!!

So frog updates? I am so addicted....lol but not feeling sexy and feeling fat and ugly these days is putting a damper on my style. Let's see, there are three right now that are true potential frogs...one looks like a Greek God. I actually told him that I wasn't interested right now, was in the middle of something but that I liked him and maybe in the future. Well, we have been emailing back and forth for three days. So we will call him Mr. Greek.

Another has the most amazing and caring writing style...he draws me in. A gentleman, no pressure, understanding...the type you need to watch out for...your guard comes down and then poof!!

And finally the Security Guy..we have great convos, not sure I am sexually attracted to him but we will see.

A guy wrote me yesterday, he writes on and on about how he was a model for 12 years blah, blah, blah...so I expected a good looking guy. I thought men age well.....well, he didn't. I don't need a model (nor do I want one) but this guy....didn't even have a few looks...I mean he had that hair flip thing going on....very heavy. My advice to him...don't bring that up....woman expect average at least at that point...lol

So I decided to do something I never do. Go back and read my blog. As you know its my diary..you all are my inner minds....know me better than anyone in my real world. Know what's going on deep inside of my heart and mind. I decided I need to review the year. Look at what this year brought and how I can improve for the new year. I feel this one is going to be a big one, I don't know why. Big for change and hopefully good change. It went so fast, and I changed so much this year.

Well enjoy your week...enjoy the day......with all that is going on in this world....let's all survive the turmoil and try to smile. Remember..the cup needs to always be half full....lol

So which is YOUR favorite?

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Meeting Mr Porsche

Yes, we met and it was amazing. Different this time though and i don't mean different bad....different good. He loved his presents and he gave me the prize in a cracker jack box as my gift...lol He's too funny. I told him I didn't want money..I knew him, he throws me money...not the point at all...I wanted him to pick out my present. Well he told me he would fix me and pick out a big straw hat with a big flower on it and make me wear it...wise ass. Yes, on the ice we were fighting...he kept throwing money in my car, I kept running back and throwing it in his car...lucky neither of us slipped on our asses...

In bed, it was less dominance and submission this time. It was calm, it was caring, it was reallly sexual. No wild positions, no wild domineering games...it was sweet and sensual and loving. He would look in my eyes and then kiss me..we screwed for a long time.....I gave him the blow job of his life! Sucking, licking and deep throating. Its funny how you get to know what does it for a man.. I have it down pat with him....he loves his cock sucked and the tip slurped....he loves when I go all the way down.....deep...he loves when I rub his balls and then I rub his prostate.....and then when I lick that area....right between the anal area and the balls...it drives him wild....yes, I can feel as his body tightens and he begins to pulsate...I can feel the pressure building...I can feel his body about to explode....he laughs after, its wild that he looses such control. He's not used to it.

I did buy anal beads. However, he actually put it in my pussy and what a weird feelin that was. It felt like a gyno instrument at first...wasn't sure I liked it. but then when it went up and it managed to hit a spot inside that was obviously my gpsot....I began to orgasm like wild...definitely interesting......I think I liked it...oh I loved the orgasm and my body's reaction.

And then, we laid there. And we held each other and hugged each other and talked and giggled. Today, he didn't rush...he knew it was important for me to feel he was there with me. And he was. Oh there was one power struggle....I slapped his ass for something and he grabbed my nipple in his mouth and sucked and bit. Then I manuveured my way to reach his cock.....aahh..the struggle began....who was going to give in first...this lasted a while...both of us laughing and giggling....its nice to be with a friend. It's nice to be with a lover.

And I wrote him a card...knowing he had to throw it out but I wrote it anyway. and basically I said Thank you. Thank you for being there for me, for caring about me, for allowing me to be me. thanks for all those orgasms but even more.....thanks for being such a wonderful lover and truly my best friend. He took the card...he needs to throw it out but he did take it I think to read again.

So he yelled at me for buying all those things but I told him that all the stuff had his name on it so I had to buy it (I got it all engraved so he wouldnt; make me return it). I said How many people have your name...I had to buy it...I love to entertain him.

He;s truly special to me. and right now, I have no desire to go back on Ashley right now. For the first time in my life, I am not craving that newness, that flirtiness, that excitement. Oh, I will go back. Just right now, the kids, my career and Mr. Porsche are keeping me busy.

It's Time for Those BIG CANDY CANES

So I was looking through some of my old files and I found my Christmas stuff from last year.....most people open up their box of old cherished family heirlooms...I have a file with hot xmas pix.....this one happens to be my favorite..mmmm...reminds me how much I love to suck a hard cock!!!

So the holiday season is here. Kind of a mellow one I think. Going through the motions......I can't explain it. I am happy but just so busy I guess. The hustle and bustle the next day of getting everything together. I don't know..so much pressure to get everything done (and all the presents given out for business). I am way behind.

Today I went to the mall where Mystery Man and I screwed in the fitting room. I giggled...ironically the bracelet that I bought that day, I lost. It came off my hand at the mall. So weird...I figured it was gone forever. I happened to go back to one store I was in and asked the woman did you find a heart bracelet? It was the store I bought Mr. Porsche's gift in. And she said Yes and she gave it back to me. How bizarre is that? What do you think that means? It fell off in the mall I screwed MM in......in the store I just bought Porsche a present AND I got it back....WOOOOOOOO...gotta mean something.

So I am a little upset with Mr. Porsche. We are meeting tomorrow and he said...you know that was your present right? Well he told me it was my present and it was a good present but I was kind of hoping he would pick something out for me. I mean he's alway throwing money my way and I am not complaining. I don't care if he goes to the dollar store and buys me something. It's the act of picking something out for me. Is that wrong? I am sentimental...I like when someone thinks of me...its not monetary...its the act. Now he did give me a nice present....but I guess it was the way he put it. He didn't want the pressure of having to get to the store and get me something else. I don't know. He didn't mean it like it sounded. I told him to go to the dollar store and pick something out that I don't want any money or anything big..just for him to pick something out. Am I wrong?

I went back and forth on what to get him. And then I mellowed because I realized his birthday is a few weeks away. So I want to do something for that too. I decided to go sentimental yet practical because you can't buy something personal. He made major changes with his company. Like he is starting over kind of. He is out in the field more and in contact with customers more. So...I got him a leather padfolio engraved with his name and company name and a pen with his name and a business card holder with his name (I made up his cards for him so it kind of fit) and I am going to write a mushy note....which I know he is going to have to tear up. But basically saying that when he uses the padfolio or gives out a business card..I want him to know that I am there for him....always supporting him. Oh, and of course I got him a new cock ring and prostate massager..lol

Such practical gifts...don't ya think!!!!

WHY?!?!?

This is just a rant....one of those things in life I just don't get. A woman today had her 18th child and a 70 year old woman gave birth to a baby (the highlights on the Yahoo news). And, a very close friend of mine (she's like my daughter/sister)....two weeks away from delivering, she lost the baby.

Now here is a woman who could handle a child with a disability. She has a heart of gold. She is truly an angel. When you are talking about an amazing person, it is her. She gives her life to taking care of children with disabilities. And today, there was probably only one thing she couldn't handle...it would be losing her child. No heartbeat.

I am sad. I am crying. I am trying to figure out why God does what he does. Some people would make good moms, she would be an amazing mom. I really don't even know what to say. One of those things in my life that I just don't understand....like a cruel joke. 2 weeks away from birth, you think you are there and poof....life is taken away.

I'm sorry...I had to get that off my chest. I am sitting here trying to work and my head is just filled and my heart is just so sad. I always feel bettter when I blog....
xoxo

Burning Both Ends of The Candle

So I have been working, shopping and working some more and what do I have to show for it--I got sick!! I haven't been sick like this in awhile. Aches, ,pains, chills and a stuffy head...the old, I just want to crawl in bed. Ironically, I am still horny through this because it has been so long. Mr. Porsche has been so busy working and now, I don't want to get him sick so we are staying away from each other for a few days...pout...pout..pout.

When I first started on Ashley...faces and pix would match up...lately that is not the case....this new guy sent me a few new pix and he looks different in each. No, he doesn't have my heart racing but we will have to see what develops. Not putting too many eggs in that basket....its quiet in Cheri land...work, work and more work makes me a dull girl....pout

So I am still racking my brains out on what to get Mr Porsche for the holidays. He won't tell me or even hint what I should get. I got two little gag type gifts.....and then there is this new gadget I got. It's a Livescribe Smartpen. I am trying to incorporate it into my work and i am not sure if it will help him. Great gift for school and college kids (wish i had one growing up) and I am thinking I can use it in meetings. Like getting information from clients or sales quotes...taking notes....anyway anyone using it with success?

And then of course there is the prostate massager which I am going to pick up this weekend. Any other ideas?!

So I was going to sleep last night...and I am missing Mystery Man. I have to change my music on my myspace. It's songs that we used to screw too...hot, intense...funny how those same songs would make me smile and get so happy and horny. Now, they bring back flashbacks and I miss him terribly. But not enough to contact him. I feel he has to contact me and he won't swallow his pride in fear of rejection. Anyway, you know how I give frogs names. Well I realized that Mystery Man alias is to protect his alias....The man is doubly protected. He gave me a fake name and I gave him a fake name on top of his fake name.....lol Yes, with all the stress, its bizarre moments like that that helped me fall asleep last night.

So any good gifts out there for lovers this year? Still in search.....I hope you are all surviving t his economy. Life is a little stranger this year...I hope all my readers are doing well and surviving these rough time....hey, your my family, I worry about you!! xoxoxoxoox

Ashley Madison's Hot New Ads

Been trying not to collect any new frogs but after seeing these ads.....geez....you have to wanna screw. So hot.....such a reminder of how hot an affair is. My body is yearning for the newness again. MY mind misses Mystery Man...yes, this is the hot sex we had. Considering everything, I have been pretty good I think about not sending emails...but the new year is coming...and I feel the desire to wish him a hapy new year.

So curiously, which one of these ads makes you the hottest......have her scream out your fake name..how funny..and how many times did I do that? Geez....and how funny that I screamed out a fake name when having sex with Mr. Porsche..double dysfunction!! Sigh, off to Ashley,I have to do it.......I am addickted!

The Worker

Mr. Porsche sent the worker here and he is a nice guy. He does have a slight disability but he is a loyal wrorker. Another example of the mush and kind hearted man that Mr. Porsche is...but this guy works hard for him. In conversation, he was telling me that he doesn't know how to change his alarm clock since daylight savngs so he has been getting up an hour earlier each day. So, I gave him my clock. It has a special memory where it figures out the real time and I set the alarms for him. Now he will be able to sleep that extra hour.

Of course my son wanted to know what happened to his clock....lol I have another one somewhere in this house. Wehn I told Mr. Porsche he just said "so is that why he was late today'. I started dying (he was joking).
ight
I wanted to mush him to death today..I wanted to lavish him with affection BUT he was in a bad mood. It all started out because he sent a gift to a client who died a year ago. His son took over the place but we addressed it to the dead father. We made a mistake..he said...I checked my notes (he made the mistake) but thankfully, I was able to grab the item off the truck and re-address it. I knew he wasn't in a good mood when I suggested that it might be a late condolensce basket if we couldn't stop it. He chuckled very little..but come on..that was funny...

Work is insane right now. Burning the candle at both ends. Even my mother, who rarily notices said that I had an overworked and sadness in my eyes. Funny, I was in a decent frame of mind at the time but I realized she was probably right.

But as I always say...Tomorrow is ANoTHER DAY!!! Woo Hoooo!!!!!!!
Sweet Wet Dreams...

The Doctor and Mr. Porsche

The doctor called me. We talked and quite frankly, I agreed to work for him. He claims that he is not sure he is ready to jump into an affair. He is nervous. My answer to him was "look darling, if we are going to work with each other, we need to be honest here. You are full of shit because you were back on Ashley last night and if you were that spooked, you would have never gone back on. Second, the chemistry wasn't there. I'm not your type that is fine, you seemed a little awkward to I went to discussing work. It's fine...but don't hand me bullshit." He continued to swear up and down that Ashley was addicting (which we all know it is) and that he just has the urge to check his mail. That it really wasn't me.....

Oh please......he's is very cute but quite frankly I would be way too self conscious. And it works out better for me anyway. I need the money. My girlfriend was howling....so, you either fuck them and do work for free or you do work for them. Its as if you win each time.....but you are reverse of a call girl. They only pay ya if they DON'T Fuck ya.........we were howling. Yes, good friends, a best friend is a life saver....

And now.....I have to tell you. I am on that rollercoaster again. Except Mr. Porsche doesn't realize how special he is. He did something for me today, that I can't even put into words. People rarily do things for me. I am usually the giver. And he always does something that WOWs me. Today was the same thing. I drove all the way to his office in tons of traffic. I needed to pick up supplies for a project I was doing this weekend. I dreaded it because it is manual labor and I hate doing this. Anyway, this is his business so I took him up on the supplies. As one of his men were packing up what I needed, he asked him. Are you working tomorrow? The guy said no. He said would you like to work...he said yes. He said...okay, go to Cheri's house tomorrow and do what needs to be done! Merry Christmas..he said to me.

Upstairs in his office I looked at him and said Thank you.....and he laughed, oh you will pay me back...tough guy....lol Now remember, he's worried that there are cameras in areas of his office.....so I promised to be good. And I was....but I sat in a massage chair he has in his office and I asked him to help me turn it on. He came over and grabbed my face and stuck his tongue deep down my throat and walked away. I giggled...... its still not working.....he came back and I grabbed his cock and pulled him closer to me.......deep kisses....mmmmm......I could feel his cock getting harder....he pulled away.......
what is wrong with this chair!!!?? I said loud.......and he came over and this time I got up and backed him up against the wall and he couldn't get away......he was like...stop, they are going to come in....but I felt his cock saying more.......and so we kissed....underneath the picture that I made for him last year for his birthday which he has hanging in his office. Remember, the one of my body parts hidden in the rocks......mmmmm......

So driving home, I realized I have an amazing lover...who cares about me and is so damn special. I couldn't' ask for more. Someone who wants to make me happy. Someone who gives and does not take. Actually I can't think of anyone else in my life who is a giver...I am so happy and lucky to have him.

So any suggestions for a gift for him? I have been racking my brains out and now even more than ever I want to get him something special. I ordered one thing...that is kind of a novelty item and now I want to get him something special. Help!

Met The Doctors

Today, I wished never ever existed. I feel like a failure. A total failure. closest I have ever come in life to taking off or even contemplating leaving this earth to lessen the pain. Two issues with the children, one that my husband made me look like white trash and then my son...failing every subject. I am lossed....angered......hatred......I wish I could not work so much....I feel like a failure at home. A horrible mother. My heart is aching right now....the tears flowing. I try...I truly try....its just too much to do it all.

Met the doctor today for a 1/2 hour. I was rejected. He's a handsome man and quite frankly thin as a rail. Sexy, but I am not his type. I could tell. We started talking business....a pure sign that there was no attraction. so instead of a sexual partner.....I got a new client. How fucking funny. Ashley has actually given me more business clients, its a riot. I am doing or have done business for more guys on Ashley...little did I know that would also be a business site for me (well if I were a prostitute or escort, it would make sense.....lol)

So......I am sad. I am goin to my bath, a little mommy's helper.....and some strength. Feeling like a failure hurts so much when you strive for perfection.

Please Don't Talk, It's Ruining My Fantasy

For someone I have never met before, this guy from Ashley Madison is certainly teaching me a lot. First, he taught me what it feels like to not get a response on Ashley. I see how sucky it is to be a man. And then today, he taught me my next lesson. I finally got to see what it is like when a guy sees this hot chick and then she opens her mouth and there is nothing inside. You just don't want her to talk....it ruins the fantasy.

Well that's what happened with that dude. His mouth opened and we were on different levels...oh man, you are so fuckin butiful...wow, cool...baby caul me.
Yeah, my moment was ruined.

The not bald guy text me back. Who knows...he was the cocky one.

And then there is the new doctor. Okay, here's a new one. Guess what? His name is not what he told me....its his middle name. Sound familiar?!?!? I had a flashback of MM. Difference is that he confessed early on....even before we met. He started with...I have to be honest here with you...and my stomach dropped. I figured he was dissing me...instead he confessed. Now let's not give him the award of honor JUST yet, although he does get brownie points. You see, he confessed because he wants my business expertise. Hence, in order to do that, I need his credit card to get his sites, hence they have to be registered in his name, hence....the fake name is his middle name. So I guess he tossed and turned with that one...however, I already knew his work number, where he worked, his cell phone, his site etc. etc. So it was going to come out...better off confessing to me. But I laughed...shook my head and cracked up. I know thats the case with the surgeon too. It's his middle name. Now the big question...does he like me for me or what I can do for his business. I should have waited before discussing business. Oh well...

And as for Mr. Porsche...I am sooooo sad. I had this great plan. He was going out with his friends, I was going out with mine...we would meet and have a sleep over. As I was going to call him, our mutual friend told me that he cancelled. Sigh...I called him upset. He has a couply thing to do at home. Even more upset...I wanted to spend the night with him. He read my mind..it would have been a great Christmas present. Damn, I am sooooo bummed. Ok, back to work...quick update...

And to the newbies...welcome and I am glad you gentleman enjoyed my blog. Such sweet notes, I love notes and comments......and CB...just swamped...sorry...

xoxox

Being Taken Advantage Of AND NEW FROGS!!!

Well, I can't stand being taken advantage of and right now one of my bosses is really pushing my buttons. I am suppose to work 6 hours a week for him, I work about 30....Friday, I was taking a few hours off and he called me in. Gave me a shitload of work...and then emailed me tonight if it was done. And then after I emailed him that I was doing it later, he wanted to go over something else. Now I do work on the weekend but its to catchup..

Anyway, I don't realize how many men I talk to...I love talking to people, I love talking to men...I love that connection. so starved at home for affection...I crave it from the outside world. I get a high from it. Interesting, I have three real contenders right now......yes, three new frogs. Actually there were 6 frogs but three were not for me. I have three that have true potential.

Well the doctor. Things were hot and heavy last week. Funny how you can feel that a weekend can cool things down when there is not contact. Let's call him Mr. Emergency. Then there is a new guy.....not sure. To me he seems very full of himself. And anyone who would say Bang Her from behind...when we don't know each other. I don't know. Admits to used to being a playa. However when I talked to him about the mental connection and tell me about you...he came up with his lack of tolerance with stupidity and in the next breath he said he has the patience to teach someone until they get it. Sounds a little like horse shit because what happens when someone doesn't get it (and they are stupid? lol) I am being sarcastic but if someone doesn't get it--either you have the patience to try and teach them OR you declare them stupid. I don't know. We will see.

And then.........there was a guy on Ashley who I thought was really cute. He looked like Mystery Man a little bit.....but actually even better looking. I sent him a note awhile back (and I got no response). He looked at my email and ignored me. WOW! First time...and then I said, so this is what a guy feels when you don't answer. It sucks!!!!! The difference (for the women's defense) is that we receive many emails a day and hundreds when you are a newbie.

Anyway, I was thinking of him yesterday and was like...wow, he really never responded. Sudden'y, yesterday, he responded...out of nowhere. I think it threw him because I have the same name as his wife and I guess he was surprised he got someone approaching him. Not sure, I didn't ask....anyway,.....YEAH!! He's not much with the emails but I am going to call him.

So tomorrow, three new frogs on the To Call list!! Woo Hoo!! And then there is Mr. Porsche. I miss him over the weekends. Actually, Friday night we are both going out with friends not far from each other. He doesn't know that I know he is. Anyway, I am thinking of asking him to sleep out for the night. I have a feeling he's going to say he can't. I am going to be disappointed but I would love it. I have my alibi...I hope he can. How amazing to spend the night together...in his arms, a pillow fight, playin all night....
Mmmm........too much fun!!

Eat A Frog A Day---A Movie

In my REAL WORLD, when I see a frog, it gives me an inner giggle. Other people look at that ugly creature and are probably repulsed. However, for me- a frog symbolizes my Other World. The world of total satisfaction and escape. So when I see a frog, I giggle and it reminds me of my Other World that brings me so much joy. The bad girl in me, the hidden girl....the girl who names her frogs from the pond!!

So what is my point? I adore this company....Simple Truths. if you ever need to get motivated for anything....these are the books and videos that can do it for you. At times, I wake up and need some energy, inspiration or the strength for a successful day and these videos and books give them to me. In addition, it's a great gift for employees, great motivational videos if you are in management or you are in sales. Anyway, take a look at their site and you will love it.

And now my frog point....they just came out with a new video. It's excellent and truly motivational BUT for me it had a double meaning. Oh yes, I try to Eat A Frog A Day......the sexual undertone was so hysterical for me. Now no one else but us would get this. But all I could think about was my goal to give a blow job to one frog a day....

So when you watch this video....first watch it the way I watched it....Then, take the time to watch it for real (I dare you to be able to watch it the second time and not imagine me with one of my frogs).

Here is the Eat That Frog! Link: If it doesn't work go to link below and choose motivational movies and the first one is the Frog!

Here is the actual company's link....it really is great stuff....take the time to watch their videos, you will love them (The Service one with the paperbag and 212 degrees are two of my favorites).
Simple Truths

I can't figure out how to get it to pop into a new window...so once you press the button, you are off to Motivational World....Ciao Baby!!

Men, Men and more Men

I have to tell ya, I am glad this week is over. It was insane. I am mentally wiped.

No doubt, its so much easier to be a woman than a man on those sites. I am not bragging but I have more men then I know what to do with. If Mr Porsche had more time, he would be my only. But he doesn't. And quite frankly I love the flirting.

The new guy (who is in my profession) is amazing. We get along great BUT I told you he is into petite and well that is not me. As an emotional eater, I gained 10 lbs. the last few month which I am determined to get off starting tomorrow. Yes, its time to concentrate again on me and my weight and exercise. I sit at my computer and work and my metabolism is zero.

Anyway, we chatted a million times today back and forth by text. He's witty, smart and fun. Tonight I told him...I enjoy you so much but its not going to work. I am not petite. He seems to think he doesn't care about that now. He says our chemistry is unbelievable. And it is, but I need a man who cares about the whole package.

There is another guy.....but he's so young. 34...and he is rough around the edges. Actually I would have probably liked him but the other professional guy has been sweeping me off my feet. Then there is the bald guy. Who isn't bald but his profile said that so I wrote back that I wasn't interested in a < 5 foot bald guy (he didn't fill in those answers and thats what came up). He wrote me back....I'm 6 feet and have all my hair---see....and he sent a pix. He's cute.

So there are a bunch of frogs. Lots of entertaining. But I am still not totally happy. I feel an uneasiness around me. I can't explain it. Worry, concern, anxiousness....I am okay but afraid of what is around the corner for some reason.

I cannot believe MM did not email me in a month. I refuse to email him and it is over but I do miss our times together. They were so damn hot.

And Mr. Porsche. Never in my life has someone watched out for me, like he does. I feel a protective invisible blanket when I think about him. My heart feels settled and balanced, my soul smiles. Its the little things, like him sending me info about someone lookng for writers (which I hate to write but he knows I blog so he thought I might like to make money doing that. Honestly, blogging is different. I just hired someone to write stuff for me last week!!lol)

He got me a connection for another job. He is always looking out for me. Ironically this new guy also has a sucky website. I sent him pointers today on what he has to do to spiff it up and how to increase his business. funny how something that is so natural to me is not to someone else. We all have our talents, I guess.

Okay, off to bath land. I am dead but I could use an unwinder right now. Some nipple playing, some jets to arouse me.....and some candles and music to soothe me.

Sweet dreams!!

A Crazy Day In Cheri World

First, I met Mr. Porsche. I had stayed up the night before to work through the night so I could play with him. He had cancelled. I was so upset with myself. Exhausted, annoyed at me that I stayed up to work so damn hard for nothing....I just cried. He has time for the organizer but not me. On the phone I got quiet, not a good sign for me. If I am screaming, I have to get it off my chest and then I am fine. If I am quiet, I am deeply hurt and that usually stays. A rare moment btw, I am never quiet.

Yesterday, we finally did meet. It was a brief meeting but it was fun. I talked to him about caring about him, he said he never wanted to hurt me....EVER. Ironically, I was trying to be understanding and say things like I know you don't have a lot of time for me but I need to feel like I am not a chore. I don't want him to end it, so I am trying hard to be understanding. All of a sudden he looks at me and blurts out "Are you dumping me?" WHAT..I said. And started dying because the speech was suppose to be so he didn't dump me. We both laughed and started to screw wildly,,,,

I wore a red corset, red fishnet stockings, these hot high heeled red boots and long black gloves...he devoured me...... it was so much fun...he leaned me over the bed and fucked me from behind, thrusting hard and I needed that soooo badly....I could here me screaming harder, more, don't stop......playin with my nipples....one finger in my butt and him thrusting, I was in heaven!! Woo Hoo!! Major orgasm flowing.

Surprisingly, I was able to get him to cum too. He's so stressed and he was even surprised that he was able to. Especially everytime the phone rang, he would shrivel and we would have to start again.....but it was great....too fast and it felt like a dream!

We kissed and kissed and kissed. I love kissing. I love when kisses have such passion....such desire. Such caring. Nothing speaks, I care about you....like a kiss....sucking a tongue....nibbling at it for fun....and frantically kissing like you have never and will never kiss again. HOT!!

So that was an excerpt from my day. Of course we played with my favorite vibrator. Amazing how he loves to watch me masturbate.....it's such a turn on for him and he thinks I look gorgeous. Very nice...

When he came, it went into my hair and he was aiming for my mouth too...it was great....and fun. Only thing, I called to an emergency meeting after....a little self conscious at the meeting feeling like I smelled from sex and I had cum in my hair. Glad there was no black light on me...lol

I have more to report.....I went crazy on Plenty and can't even keep track now...one has my attention, big time. But last night, he said something that I told him, I don't think so. I'll report later ! Ciao...gotta work!

What attracts me to a man on Ashley Madison

Percy asked and now you got me wondering myself. What exactly attracts me to a man on Ashley? So here's what I think.


First, I don't really do too many searches. A woman has the luxury of having a mailbox with men in it already and when you are on Ashley, there are no pix to browse. Definitely have a light, humorous, sincere profile where you write something more than the check marks. Discuss the void you want to fill, talk about an escape for a few hours....don't get heavy and obnoxious or bitter. Those notes I just click off. Don't give a list of demands of what you want in a woman or especially what you don't want. Unless you are saying you want someone with a pretty smile that makes your heart smile....then that is okay but saying I don't want someone who.....and who.....and who... nag, nag, nag!!


Of course, a personal note is going to get her attention faster. Very light hearted with a little humor in it...something original if you can afford the credits. If you can't, spend it on the ones that really peak your interest and send winks to others. If you have a good profile, they may wink back.


Definitely not sleazy name. I ignore those men thinking they are trash immediately.

And then tred lightly. Be available but not smothering. It's so easy to get caught up in it.


The man who has my interest right now is someone new. He's mysterious, funny, a little unreachable...keeps me laughing. Anyone I love talking to and makes me laugh...is certainly a turn on.


And then there is the sexiness. I realize now, it's not the ones who attack me with what they want to do to me...but the ones that dance with me. Tease me with sexual undertones, let me take a little of the lead. The get my guard down and I find myself sucked in.


I still find Ashley Madison to be the best quality pick up place. If I was a guy, I would go with their new Affair guarantee. Hey, you get your money back if you don't get laid! Check it out on the link I provided. Somewhere on the site they introduced a new Affair Guarantee Program.


Then of course there is Plenty of Fish which I have been browsing on and got my latest pick. A mixed crowd of everything. Kind of like the Craigslist personals in a way I guess. The problem with this, is that there are primarily single people on there (more than Ashley) and they show their pix. Men on that site have more of an upper hand it seems but only because they show their pictures. It seems that no picture, no action. For women of course, there are some men you cannot contact because they require photos (usually the hotties) and the single men have mixed reviews about married women on the site (as I am sure the feeling is even stronger for single women)....you feel a little taboo. For the most part, I have found a few but not of the same calibur as the men on Ashley.


The latest did come from POF. He's funny, he's smart and from what I can see, he is cute. However, he'a deceptive. And we all know how I feel about that. He hasnt had an affair yet and I was able to pull info out of him (he lied about eveything on his profile). However, I was able to warm up to him and get the truth. We've been texting all day today.

Funny story, I asked him what he did and he said he was a consultant in the same field as me. He didn't expect me to say me too! That's what I do....he almost died because he is actually a doctor. How do I find these doctors?! Right now we are toying with each other.....a little fun humor back and forth....but I don't know if I am going to meet him. Truth is, he is looking for a Barbie Doll....and that is not me. The body is not what he wants....so I am thinking about not meeting him.

As for Mr. Porsche...we are finally meeting tomorrow....I can't wait....yahooooo!! Working late tonight so I can take off the 3 hours..........so I hope that answers the questions.

As for Anonymous....to me a Boy Toy is anyone who is 10 years younger than me. Especially these 10 years. Think about it.....how different are you at 40 than at 30? It's worlds away. I think its even greater a distance than 50 and 40. Life experience.....

Finding A Man To Play With On Ashley Madison

I don't know if its because I am married or if its because I give good chat. But I have absolutely no problem finding men online. My girlfriends laugh. A little loneliness, I go online and can walk away within an hour with three or more men.....narrowed down from 12 selections. My girlfriend who is single is amazed at what she calls my male magnet talents. LOL

Actually, I think its because I am married. I am independent and I am not desperate. I am honest, upfront and very sexually open. I have not seen Mr. Porsche in about a month. It's way too long. With MM gone, I am feeling the emptiness. I need another man. I need some attention....I need some newness. I am missing those butterflies big time. That heart flutter when you feel some chemistry with someone.

So, I did some damage last night. Went on the search for some new frogs. I like to call it window shopping.Actually got rid of Mr. MBA and Mr. New Government....they were making me feel guilty when I would go searching online. I need no guilt...I need no stifling....I need some room....some freedom...oh no, I feel a sexual desire to fulfill and these men were not doing it. I sweetly told them I needed some room right now. It's the truth....I am not ready for the relationship they were looking for.

So, I threw all the frogs out of the pond (except for Porsche) and began my fishing expedition again. For a woman its scary. You can get a whole pond filled within an hour. The flirting was giving me a high. It was like a drug fulfilling my needs, my desires, it was like an energy boost.

Well the frogs are just tadpoles now. But I decided to choose some variety. Problem is, you lose track of when you collect so many frogs in one night. I had a frog textng me all day and I wasn't even sure who it was....had to go back to my email and try to find him. He's a boy toy....34...same profession as me. then there was another boy toy....36...and finally another one 39. One married one 50....government worker (actually he absolutely knows Mr. Government , they work in the same department but I wouldn't tell him who it was)....oh my. then there was the football lover.

So there is some variety in the pond right now. So far, they are good looking, funny and seem sweet and sexy. It's as if when I feel that emptiness....I need the flirting to fill some of that emptiness...

It's so different for a woman. Even though I am insecure....I have never been turned away on my looks. Last night I was called...gorgeous, beautiful, a hottie and WOW....I guess sometimes you need that little ego stroking.

Well Mr. Porsche...today, I told him. I need to see him.. I want his cock..I need it deep inside of me...I miss him. And then he sent me this email...I told him I needed a little mush. Watch it and I think you will enjoy it. He had me rolling....the guy is so funny. Going to see him this week. I need to feel his body close to mine.

Okay off to bed....gotta big day tomorrow.....work is insane..
Sweet dreams...

Walmart's Lack Of Concern for Human Life On Black Friday

Black Friday..I know it's crazy to go out and shop but something about getting up at 3AM and getting bargains is exhilirating (or nuts). It's a family event with my son and I. We love to get the fliers and plan the day. A friend slept over and off we went.

This year was absolutely insane. I have been working like crazy and I wanted to buy the kids something that represents my hard work. Something materialistic. I decided they deserve flat screen tvs. My girls are hard to buy for (they have disabilities) so I wanted something special for them. Something that would make them smile and be happy. something I could be proud of that I bought them....TVs. I examined the flyers and decided...first stop Walmart. End result, I got the tvs, my friend got a computer and we did well andI feel great I was able to get it. However, I feel better that I saved someones life.

Walmart, is a disgrace as is some human beings. There was a line and unlike every other store in the area....they had no security outside. Animals came from all over trying to cut the line. Fights were starting to break out. There was nothing protecting us people online. Funny how your survival kicks in. One person cutting is no big deal, but 50 people charging at you. I went to security, they did nothing. I was warning them there was goin to be a riot. They did nothing. Pathetic.....Walmart is a disgusting. To protect ourselves, everyone built a wall of wagons...in order to keep the scoundrels out. However, when the door opened...these animals started to jump over the wagons and on us. Within a minute....I literally had to shove people off the wagons before they jumped on me. The entire line had to push the people down.....five people got in and like dominoes people were shoved over.....

A woman was screaming.....I could see someone fell....I was nervous is was my son, so I pushed over there.....there was a woman they were trampling. No one was helping her and her daughter was getting pushed out away from her. I shoved my way over and got behind the woman (my friend behind me) she thought I dropped my purse because she saw me bending over....I started screaming at the people....STOP......and quickly, I was able to scoop her up as the crowd was barging in. I don't know how I had the strength to pick her up, but I did. Now I think back, I just grabbed her daughter to help her....she smiled at me and I went on my way...she was okay..but damn fools...men five times my size were trampling her. It was disgusting.

When I got home, I heard on the news......an employee got trampled at another Walmart and died. How absolutely devastating. Unfortunately, I am not surprised. My shoulder is killing me from the guy who jumped on me and from me pushing the other guys and girls off the wagons. But today was such mixed emotions and my adrenal is running. In one breath, I got the tvs for my kids. Yes, I ran through the store, grabbed the tvs and I was happy (there were people trying to steal them from me--can you believe that?) However, I am no push over. I just looked the guys in the eyes and said....you are fucking with the wrong person....and he left....the next one pretended not to speak English.....I screamed in his face.... NO.....MINE....ADIOS....he moved on quickly. So I guess the city girl in me came out today. LOL

Amazingly, it is an event like this that brings out the true character in people. there were the doers...a group of men and woman (me included) who organized the barrier and together protected the people. then there were the passive people who just waited online. And then the animals......a group of people that I don't often get to see in action. Non caring about others in life or other human beings......you hear about them, you don't often get to see such low life scum in action.

And as for Walmart....I will never shop there again. I warned them, other people warned them...and they watched from inside. They watched the tension growing, they watched the situation unfolding.......and did absolutely nothing. All it would have taken was three of those security guards outside and having the security car riding around not allow people who were not on the line to hang out by the door. I blame them. Of course security was there as you left, to check out your merchandize....the muscles appeared as you were leaving. Conclusion: Walmart cares about their bottomline and not human life.

The Missing Turkey

If you know me, this story wouldn't sound like anything out of the ordinary. I love to give. I get personal satisfaction out of doing something good for other people (and yes that does carry over the the bedroom) but in real life....I love helping others. Nothing feels better.

So I was working on deciding which charity one of my clients could make a donation for the holidays. Spoke to the local food charity that donates food to families and soup kitchens. To my surprise, they had 25,000 request this year and only got 12,000 turkeys. And so I looked at my turkey. Hubby brought home a 16 lbs. turkey. This thing was way too big for the number of people I was having. The pan was going to get too heavy, the left over turkey issues.....and then there were people who had not turkey.

I decided....well Mr. Turkey...you could go to much better use at some other home who really needs you. I threw Mr. Turkey in the car and went to a drop off point for the charity. Only problem is that I was having 10 people for dinner...and I was working late. Hubby and I walked in. So what is for dinner tomorrow night? did you get to the store to get the side dishes.... Hmm...as I was typing.... "nope, not yet" ....I responded.

"Well at least we have a turkey' he said. My friend was over, and we looked at each other..."aahh...no, we dont have a turkey anymore". Now of course, he didn't believe me. He's searching in the oven, in the refrigerator...actually we were laughing so hard at this point watching him look for it. "You donated our turkey?" He finally said in disbelief. Yeah...now here's one good character about the hubby. He's not surprised at all.

"so what's for dinner?" "Whatever you pick up at the supermarket, I said"
So, we had a roast beef, vegetables and yams. And quite frankly, I was very happy and felt good. This year, I wasn't like last year. Money is tight but not like last year. I believe you need to give....its good for the soul.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Nothing Like Makeup Sex

Sometimes it take a disagreement, to bring people closer. Mr. Porsche and I have never really fought. I am mad at times but he has a way about him that he knows how to calm me. You know when you fight with someone or you are upset and you say..that is it, we are done. I don't feel that way with him even when I am furious. I have a sense of security with him because I think we are friends as well as secret lovers.

As you know, I was furious with him over a professional matter and Miss. Organiser. I don't get what she does...he doesn't seem any more organized then he was three months ago. Hence, my conclusion that she might be sucking his cock.

Anyway, I didn't call him yesterday. We always speak on Mondays. And I didn't call. And to add salt to the wound....he didn't call me. Yes, I sulked but I didn't call. Finally today at 12:30 he called. Ididn't pick up and he left a message....'hey, I am worried about you. Haven't heard from you. Call me so I know you are ok". He doesn't have a clue. Well, I know he knows I'm pissed because he is manipulative and leaving a message like that...he knows I will call back because I don't want him to worry about me (of course I was right!).

So three hours later, I called back. I was calm. As soon as I started to talk, I tried to make it like nothing was wrong. 3 minutes into the conversation, What did I do? Hmm...he said he could feel the coldness in my voice (it wasn't so cold). You are mad because I didn't spend time with you on Thursday and I wasn't appreciative of you coming out for the 1/2 hour. So now, I am more furious with that remark because he should know me better and I wouldn't be like that....

Okay, I now go off.. Half hurt, half upset, I tell him why I am upset. That I will do no more work for him. Long story short, he tells me that he can't have me in the office when the staff is around because I look at him with those eyes..she's also doing the interviewing for him (which is more wasted money). We go back and forth and then he says...and if there was a pretty one, you wouldn't hire her. RAGE!! Attacking my professionalism again.....I just hung up and wouldn't pick up again. After 2 calls, I did pick up.

Well, we finally talked it out. And what calmed me like a wave..."I would never do anything to hurt you...ever. I am sorry. You know I would never want you to be upset and hurt." And with those words I realized.... he always protects me. He always tries to make me happy and those words were not just words...he meant it and it was true. We hit a new level. We both felt it....and then there was peace.

He went out tonight to a client's dinner. And got wasted off his ass. He called me and was so damn cute I just wanted to run to him and kiss him all over....He said to me that he is really very sensitive and was truly upset that I was feeling that way. That he puts on that tough act, but deep inside, he is a softie (I call it the pussycat side). I noticed you didn't call, I wanted to call but I was afraid it was too late and you would be home. Baby, you know I care so much about you...don' you? I really never want to hurt you, I only want to make your life happier.

Probably the nicest thing that was coming from the heart. He's such a good guy. I feel very lucky to have him in my life. Of course the conversation then went sexual, he is too much. He was with this guy who knows about us but the other didn't...however, now he does. He went into explicit detail of what he wanted to do to me right then.....how he wishes my mouth was wraped around his cock...how he misses my smile and that look when I am orgasming....how he kept thinking about how he wanted to do me from behind and then stick his cock in my ass. Well, that guy as to know he isn't talking to his wife....I said that and he laughed.

He then called me again later....and we talked some more. I missed him and he missed me. So things are ok with us. In fact, they are probably even better now. I told him on the phone....I can't wait to have makeup sex! He said we didn't have a real fight.. I said, shhhh! its the closest we have had and we should take advantage of the sex. He laughed......damn, he is special....a man who isn't afraid to tell what's in his heart and mind.

Sweet dreams....

Meet Mr. MBA

Thanks everyone for your comments and support. Actually, you are all right. My reason for divorcing is not to catch him...and I realize it doesn't matter. I guess I was looking for the coward's way out in a way. Or, I know I have a thing with people trying to get over on me....I guess its a control thing. Whatever it is...Anonymous you hit it right on the head..... I am lonely not alone. There is always people around me.....and with a smile, the loneliness is sometimes so deep (but no one knows). Sankukbaby.....you are a soldier?!?! Mmmm.....don't get me going on soldiers...lol

So.....a lot of crap happened in the last few days. I met Mr. MBA. What a disappointment. I mean he was the same man that I spoke to except...he reminded me of a weasel in person. Oh that is mean, but he did. I cannot imagine being in bed with him. When he went to kiss me, I pulled away. Not my type...so upsetting because I mentally enjoy him. But sexually it wasn't there for me. Unfortunately, it was there for him. He has been calling, texting and IMing me like crazy....suffocating actually. Well that's not fair to say because if I liked him I would like the attention. But right now....my state of mind is a little fucked up. Feeling very unappreciated by all men in my life.

So last night, major upheavel in the house, which thankfully passed. Let's just say, I was sitting in my car in the schoolyard because I thought I might lose it at home.

I had a long talk with Mr. Porsche last night. I think I told you about our meeting. He has been so busy, he hasn't been able to see me. I was Miss. Understanding...I sat with him at motor vehicles and we talked. I got to see him for a 1/2 hour. It was fine..I was just glad to see him and he called three times to thank me for being so understanding. I felt good...like I did the right thing by being understanding and not pushing....we're all busy at times.

And then.....there is this Organiser who helps him (spelled wrong on purpose--just in case he ever does a search). Our professional careers do overlap in some ways. I've told you before how I help Mr. Porsche with his business. So I recommended using Craigslist last week to fill a position. I had just done it for three other clients and it was extremely successful. Now....keep in mind, he has no time for me. So when I called him thursday night to say good night...he said he was in a meeting. Ok...what are you doing.....going over some termination stuff. I thought it might be Miss. Organiser but what does she have to do with emloyee terminations?

Okay, I admit it. I am jealous and quite frankly pissed. From a professional standpoint, he has no time to go over stuff we have pending...and I would have done the damn Craigslist for free. But he pays this girl to do it with him? So am I upset that he doesn't value me professionally or am I upset that he spent three hours with her? I've mentioned her before, nonchalantly saying that I thought he was sleeping with her and it was no biggie. He swears he isn't and that he would tell me. He even seemed shocked that I thought he might be sleeping with her. The professional thing--he claims. Doesn't want her to think we are together in anyway. Hmmm..is that because it is purely professional with her or are you doing her and you don't want her to know about me?!?

I know I am acting like a child right now but I am so hurt. I feel so unappreciated and that he values my opinion less. I am not going to do anything else for him workwise, I decided that today. And what an ass I am....I got a 1/2 hour and wait, a slice of pizza. He worked late every night....he could have asked me to meet him at his office. When I mentioned the termination and he told me it was her on Friday night...I got really quiet. I had drank a 1/2 bottle of wine and decided I better not say anything I might regret. Do I really think he is doing her? I am not sure. I don't think so because he was so concerned someone put a camera in his office, that's why we haven't been in there (he was out of town when the security system was set up). So what do you think? Think he is doing her? SURVEY TIME!! Place your vote to the right. Don't be shy. At least let's make this frustration informative, interactive and entertaining......LOL

All right, I am going to sleep. Mad at Mr. Porsche, missing and angry with MM. Funny how flashbacks can be so wonderful and yet so brutal at times. My myspace is filled with music that reminds me of him. Guess it wasn't so smart to listen to a repertoire of songs that we had wild sex to.

One last funny story, the hubby had his headphones on today....singing one of the songs that MM and I have had outrageous sex to. It was driving me crazy....my skin was crawling. PAyback is a bitch was all I could think. He's probably doing it to that song too...lol Oh man....if I didn't know better, I would think he knew and was torturing me with it. But he doesn't, he's not that smart. However, I do think it was a message from up above. Basically saying Get Your shit together Cheri....

So Why Do I Care To Catch Him?

I appreciate your feedback all three anonymous'. And for the answer, I really have to sit here and think, look within. Why do I want to catch him? And the honest answers that I can come up.

Do you know what it is like to feel stuck and trapped? Have you ever felt like someone thinks they love you but quite frankly you are a convenience. You are the meal ticket, you are the responsible one that holds all the burden, that works all the hours....alone in a marriage. And a big reason I haven't made the move for divorce is because he is not a horrible person and he would have no place to go. I would feel bad just kicking him out. I think he thinks he loves me but he doesn't. Quite frankly, I take care of everything......

If he was having an affair---it would be an easy grounds for divorce. It would also be the crutch I need to have the strength to finally go through with the divorce. He's standing on his own. Probably the motivation I need to relieve my guilt about going through with it. Does that make sense?

The man is a fuckup but not a horrible person. He takes care of nothing. If you look back at the financial ruins he got us in. If the problems were because of just the failing business, that is one thing. But he hadn't filed taxes, he had liens against the house, he had issues with unemployment...all things that if he took some action wouldn't be there. Once again, the responsibility fell on me. We would have lost our house if I didn't step in. A man who has never even gone to his kid's teachers conferences. A man who has left all major (and mind you serious decisions) to me about the childrens health issues. Basically, I am in this marriage alone. And a person gets resentful and angry when the entire responsibility falls on you alone and you feel like he is a leech, sucking the energy and life out of you.

So, saying that....I looked within and there is no jealousy at all. I 100% do not care if he is with another woman and I do understand it if he is. And in a bizarre way, I hope he is. Where dO I have the problem--when he has a day off and he is gone to 7PM. When I am working nonstop to bring in extra money and he can't even take a few things on the house errands to give me a hand. When I spend the day on the phone handling kids stuff, house stuff and I am also working. He has the day off--take some responsibility so I can do my work.

So as I babble here--it's anger and resentment that I feel. Catching him would just be a justication in my head and a motivator to get him out the door with less guilt. Remember, it's like he's not an adult or partner in this marriage. In a way, its the chicken way out I guess. The cut and dry way to end our marriage. The most acceptable in today's society. Physical abuse and adultery.....most common and black and white marriage enders. Emotional abuse and 'my husband is a fuck up" is gray area.

Does that make sense? I don't know that's what looking from in...I am able to feel. So catching him, it's not the same emotion and reasoning that I am sure most woman go out there to catch their husbands. Most woman would be distraught to know their husbands are cheating...we are not at that point. I wouldn't be sitting there crying if I found him with another woman. We are so past that.

Okay, be kind...I tried to express what I think is going on deep inside...whew....such a psych session.....who gets paid for listening here?

My I-Phone Did It....Oops...

I usually begin my morning with reading the news online. Always looking for interesting stories for my clients. Today I cam across some pretty funny things to start my day. First, a friend sent me the Alan King skit--Survived By His Wife. Very funny, you can find it on YouTube.

Then, I was on Ashley and I cam across someone who put his body and cut out his head and put a smiley face on his body as his picture. I can't tell you how that hit a funny bone (side note: MM was on there two days ago. I have a feeling it was to see if I returned).

And finally, the winning story of the morning. A woman wrote in to the I-Phone Forum to see if the glitch her husband told her was true. That the phone sometimes attaches random pictures from your memory to emails and sends the pictures. Wouldn't you know it, his phone sent a naked pix of him jerking off to some woman's email. Wow....LOL So do you think it's true? While the story is humorous, the attached link that reported it was hilarious. I was dying....I lost it as she reported her next story was going to be about the woman's blackberry that brutally forced her to have a threesome (or something like that...it was classic).

A Terrible I-Phone Glitch

I spent the day today working and chatting with MR. MBA. He is so funny and I truly enjoy our conversations. Today he reminded me of Soulmate Chris. I can say that Mr. MBA and I have conversations on that same path. Same humor, constantly keeping me laughing. It is absolutely a true uplifter to my day. Was also excited that Mr. Porsche is going to try to ojust meet me for coffee tomorrow. with all his changes at his company, he barely has enough time to breathe.

And hubby, well he came home at 6 tonight. Hmmm.....4 hours to get home....my oh my. I called him on it. Said I stopped by his work and he wasn't there at 2:30. He claims he was a the gym all day. Okay....he ran upstairs....and btw, his towel from the gym wasn't even wet today. It's more the detective work that I am enjoying. you see, if I can prove infidelity.....I have grounds for a divorce.

The Cheating Husband?

I am not sure if he is cheating but the signs are there. He is working out at the gym, haircut change, new underwear, singing with his headphones on throughout the house like he doesn't have a care in the world. Oh wait, also he is lying about his scheduling as well. He is adding 2 hours on to his work day tomorrow and he lied about where he was on his day off. He claimed to be with a friend but when his friend came over to discuss work last night it was obvious he hadn't seen him yesterday. I say nothing. Honestly, I just want to know if he is cheating. This way I can get his ass out of the bedroom. An awkward situation and one that he even woke me up the other night. What he was doing I don't know but he pretended to be sleeping when I woke up. Mind you, I was in a coma. so I don't know if he was sexually molesting me, being a dick to wake me up knowing I have problems falling back to sleep or he could have been trying to choke me (hehehehe)

Anyway, I was talking to my girlfriend about it today. I didn't realize how matter of factly I was talking about it. She said...follow him tomorrow. He has added two extra hours to his day, see where he goes. Oh I forgot to say that I checked his calendar book and saw it didn't match the family wall calendar. And I wrote down numbers from his cell phone.....this way I can call to see if a woman answers.

However, I am really busy with work. Don't have time right now for the intense detective game nor do I have any desire to be following him around for two hours. What a waste of time. And quite frankly, I don't care that much. If I knew he was definitely doing that, I would follow and take pictures. However, since I am not sure, I have too much work to do.

this is where my girlfriend began to laugh hysterically. I guess it is so obvious that I don't love him anymore. Another wife would be frantic.....freaking out. I find it to be something on my Things To Get To. Well I went online and decided I figured out a way to do this without having to waste my hours. I went online and found this tracking device. It's called TrackStick. Basically, you put it in the car (or on a person) and it tracks a week where they are. then you, at anytime, can put it in your USB port and with Google Earth Map, it actually maps out and shows you the different locations that they stopped at.

So here's my plan. I couldn't get it for tomorrow. There wasn't enough time. So I am ordering it. For $130, I will just place it in his car...under the seat or in the trunk area (he won't see it). then I will collect it in a few days and review it. See if he is anywhere he shouldn't be and then I can research it. And, I will have this device for when my son begins to drive. The site gave me that idea.

So, fellow wanderers...this device is really a scary thing. Way too inpensive and way too easy to use. I mean think about it. I would have a hard time explaining the hotel parking lot on the GPS. I think I am going to start parking on the street with Mr. Porsche. And with MM, doesn't matter anymore. But that parking lot is exclusive and you wouldn't be able to talk your way out of that one.

So, friends beware of the Trackstick.....lol I am going to get an affiliate code and put it on the side just in case you are intersted in purchasing it or other spy products. I am going to do a special feature on them or my website. Except it will be more on things to watch for...the other side....heheheeh

A New Contender Just Appears

Feeling much, much better. Wow, amazing how something like that can fuck up your head. Well, I sulked enough and it is now time to move on. There is still that sad, empty part in me. There is still that deep, deep, void. But quite frankly, I refuse to give in. I do find all I want to do is sleep....an escape...but I have to push myself. I am actually starting this new vitamin regimen. A friend of mine swears by it, so let's see if it works for me.

Anyway, quick update. I dumped all the frogs. And then there was one guy who wasn't exactly my type from Ashley but he IM'd me and well we had the best conversation. It wasn't all sexual...in fact it was very mentally stimulating. He has a great sense of humor, an educated mind and I can't even begin to tell you how we turned a discussion about the law into an entire sexual discussion.....gavels, motions, etc etc. It was mentally stimulating and entertaining.

Today he called me. Let's call him, Mr. MBA. We literally spoke on the phone for two hours. There wasn't even a lapse in the conversation, like we knew each other forever. Yes, there was a sexual tone (and I did even masturbate while he was talking to me). But it's the mental challenge that we are both enjoying so much. The quick smart wit. something I had with MM.

I don't know where it is going with him. I do want to meet him eventually but I was glad to hear he was out of town for the rest of the week. We could talk, but no meeting scheduled. Mr. Porsche has been so busy (and I do understand) we have been having fabulous talks but we haven't ben able to hook up.....

And then there is the husband. Oh tomorrow morning I will give you details. I think he is fooling around. However, he is horrible at it. He needs to read my blog. He needs to smarten up and take some cheating tips. You are going to laugh when you hear the details. Actually, I had my girlfriend gasping for air today. I didn't realize how matter of factly I was discussing it. It's funny..

Till tomorrow!! xoxoxxoxox

Three Men In One Month?

Anonymous, I agree with your comments. That is why I was even more screwed up. I had planned this great day and then when he did what he did....I was in shock. Truly in shock and quite frankly I didn't realize that I was really hurt. I just thought it was the shock and that it was over at that second. And quite frankly, in the state of mind that I was in....I wasn't ready to walk out for good and let it end on that note.

It was stupid not to just walk out. But that is what I would have been left with. I am mad at myself that I didn't because in the fog of my mind I remember thinking I have to get out of here.

Looking back now. As dysfunctional as it may sound, I am glad I stayed. It ended on a positive note....and for the first time in over 1 1/2 years...I have no desire to hear from him. I cannot put myself in a dangerous situation. And he scared me.

Sometimes you have to end something the way that you feel it may truly be able to end. I would have been distraught if we ended on terrible terms. Now, I am feelng ok.

Today was a rough day for me. Not because of MM but because of the realization that I don't think if I fucked 10 men in one month....I would necessarily be happy. I did three men this month. And...it's not the answer.

The answer need to come from within.

I am back...it only hurts when I sit now. Like a hemmoroid I guess. I was cracking up yesterday...to think I write a blog and give my butthole updates......I mean only in the BlogWorld....lol Such a private thing yet I reported step by step....LMAO

I have to let it go for now and move on. Deal with it again when he contacts me.

I haven't reported the second half of the day with MM because it feels like it didn't happen. How could I have gone from one spot to having a day like we had. Because it was so good, it is now so painful to think about. One, because its not going to ever happen again but also because how could I go on with the day as if nothing happened? how little respect did I have for myself? However, in my defense, I didn't feel pain after and I didnt want us to end like that..in a negative drama moment. I did think about leaving but I composed myself.

So as I said, it was his birthday...no mention of it..but as we lied there he said "why did you have to see me today?"

Innocently I looked at him....Just did! Why? Anything wrong with today? With an innocent girl look. Oh he knew that I knew yet he loved the game.

I bought lunch...and we ate and we talked. It was nice. We spoke about work, about life, friends, how things are bad financially....we joked...he was back to himself.

And then we finished eating our sandwiches and I got up....and took this great brownie cake slice and put a candle in it. He hates this..I knew it..I did it anyway and was giggling..... Make a wish....he quickly blew out the candles....damn your still here....lol And I laughed and said.....oh I can arrange that to be different..no I don't want that..he said. And he kissed me.

And then the fun began......I grabbed the whipped cream and slowly covered the tip of his cock. It was cold, he laughed. I licked up every little bit of it...he loved it. So now, you know me, over the top, whipped creamed his entire cock and balls AND if you remember the sparkles incident (the sparkles from my Victoria Secret underwear were everywhere and he was flipping) WELL....today I brought SPRINKLES.....and I said, you told me no sparkles but you didn't say anything about....SPRINKLES....and I covered his cock with sprinkles....well he was dying...laughing so damn hard...we both were. And then I ate and sucked every inch of his cock...getting each sprinkle....it was hysterical....

After I was done, we kissed and then we had one of our hot sex sessions. His cock knows just how to find my GSpot. And this time, he knows how to make my body sing. And he did. I was cumming like a river....my clit needed that release.

We lied down and held each other. We talked as if nothing had happened earlier. We talked about stupid things and watched the Brady Bunch on the Trivia Pursuit television show. A little time passed and then we found ourselves kissing slowly....two people with emotional voids. Two people who are deprived of that caring and loving touch and affection from another. We made love. Slow, passionate, slow thrusts, slow caresses and that holding onto each other for dear life. Those kisses that have passion, those waves of heaven that flow over you. Missionary position...with him kissing me and me holding him so close that our bodies couldn't get any closer. Holding him and hugging him as if I were never going to make love again in my life. And then we both came. Which usually its when we are more wild...but this time, it was during this session.

So as you can see, it was as if I was with two different people there. I don't think he would have done what he did if he knew it was going to hurt me like that but it was an act of violation. Hopefully now you can see, why I was even more torn by what happened. I mean it wasn't just violent..then it would have been easy. It was every emotion that could possibly exist in life.

It took me days to write this post. I think I needed to details to disappear a little from both parts of the day. IT was a hot and memorable day and also the most horrible experience and my mind had problems computing it. I admit it, I was depressed all week. Really badly depressed. Other crap went down too. It was one of those emotional rollercoasters.

A Lucky Yet Empty Soul?

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and support. I do feel violated and I just want to move on. Yes, this is going to affect my relationship with Mr. Porsche but primarily in the anal part. And I feel bad because he is going to think it was because of the butt plug....lol I am in a catch 22. Do I make him feel bad thinking he did something to me or do I fess up? Not sure what I want to do.

Well its quiet in my life right now. I have disconnected from every frog except for Mr. Porsche. I am feeling very alone. My IM is not IMing, I did go on Ashley for two minutes and met two guys. Neither my type. And I just came right out and told them that. Amazing how annoyed men get. Should I lie? Should I string them along and pretend? I can't do that right now.

So, now what? Depression is sinking in. I want to be free. I want some room. I want to stop working so damn hard. I want to spend time with my kids. And I want to feel wanted by someone. I kind of have that with Mr. Porsche...but there is only so much time he can give me. And with recent business changes, its going to get less.

So.....so.....so........how much longer can I do this?

Hubby had this brilliant idea to ask my parents to come out and watch the kids this weekend so we can go to the movies. I don't want to be with him. I looked at him like he had six heads. I can't pretend anymore. I don't want to pretend anymore. As far as I am concerned...if my parents are coming over, they can sleep over and I can go away with my girlfriends.

I have to say one thing. I am not a very religious person but I do have faith. I do believe in God and that things happen for a reason. And with today's economy and everyone around me losing their jobs.....I was thankful today. When I felt like God abandoned me when I was in financial ruins the past few years, I realize now that it was better to have happened three years ago and I have been able to build myself up now then for it to have happened right now. I am still not financially stable but I would be in real trouble if my company first closed now. At least I have been re-building and quite frankly, I am getting more clients each week (2 new potentials this week alone).

So concentrating on my career is my direction right now. but the void is so damn deep. Such an emptiness. But if you met me tomorrow, you would never know. A smile and some motivational words with an upbeat attitude can so easily mask an empty soul.

Primal Indeed!

Thanks Anonymous and Percy......thanks for caring.

I am in a funk. I have no desire to answer any of the men that have written to me....even King Dong who has been trying to lure me in....has been pushed away. Which of course you know, the more you push them away the more they come on stronger. How ironic....I really don't want another man now. I really don't want to search on Ashley for anyone new or even meet the three that I was flirting with.

Work! That is what I am concentrating on. Getting my life together...getting my career going. Being independent....no men!!! Yes, I am in one of those I hate men states. Except for my male friends who are so good to me and who care about me. the womanizers.....BYE BYE!!!! (do you know that line from Saturday Night Live....one of my favorite).

As for what happened....it wasn't me that he is angry with. His work sucks, his life sucks, he's been bumming and he warned me he was in a funky mood. I truly think when he did what he did, it wasn't a direct reflection on me and him. It was more of a fuck life response I just happened to be the one on the other end. I have never done anything to him to make him angry like that. If he read my blog, then he would know I know who he is and well.....now that I would have heard about. So it's not the other men. If anything, he is angry because I believed in him still. What is it...a masochist? He internally is miserable and the only thing I did was try to be there for him. It was maybe his way of destroying my belief. Who the fuck knows? I think it wasn't directed at me but at life....his frustrations. However, noo excuses for him...he knew what he was doing, I don't think he expected me to get hurt, but he did what he did with force.

Now I am hoping to heal mentally and physically. Physically is really pissing me off because it is a constant reminder of what happened and I want to move on already. Damn asshole.....which it would heal faster....lol

I will be okay. Now what do I say to Mr, Porsche? I have no desire to do anal for awhile. He's going to think its something he did (we were a little rougher last time). I can't tell him because he doesn't know I have still been seeing Mystery Man and quite frankly I don't know how he will react. I do know that if he knew he hurt me like he did......something would happen to him. I can guarantee that. Mr. Porsche, don't think he's connected exactly but I do know he knows people. So, I can't tell him. Mystery Man wouldn't be dead....but I can guarantee he would find someone to stick something up his ass as an eye for an eye concept.

Sigh....the hurting asshole...lalalalaa...I feel like a wimp....it's funny if it wasn't so pathetic. I mean, I always have I love Lucy things happen to me but I don't see Lucy getting into something like this.....

Enjoy your day!!

Re-Read My Post

Wow, I did something I never do. I read my own post back. How fucked up it sounds when you re-read something when you are out of the moment.

How did I go back and have sex with him twice after that? Joke around so much? Light a birthday candle on his cock?

Because it was that one brief moment the deviant side of him reared its head. And as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared and the caring, gentle side of him came out. The person I know and who I talk with and giggle with. That dark side that I had never seen but weirdly knew existed appeared at my most vulnerable moment.

So how does my mind compute all this? I mean, I will tell you later about the time we had after. IT was one of our great sex sessions.....but the reality is...I don't know if I can ever chance the devil re-appearing. How sad. I think its really over this time. I think I was in shock (and still am in disbelief) what happened.

Mr. Prize is the one who years ago talked to me and explained dominance and submissive behavior. While distance is such an issue, we never got to sleep together except for those two times. He never got to teach me but we talk regularly and we have a special connection. He was online tonight and we talked about yesterday. He said it best..it was primal.

What hurts the most? Is how it showed such a is caring for me. It was on the lines of a rapist. An act of violence not sex. That is what this was, at the moment of my most vulnerable state....his anger and rage manifested.

Crap, this sucks....

Meeting With Mystery Man--Part 1

As you can tell from his emails. There was a deviant tone in his email. Experience something different was what he said. I was so excited to meet him. Got dressed in this leopard outfit with leather, fishnet stockings and my new cutie boots.

He hates birthdays but I bought lunch, whipped cream and sprinkles, a brownie cake with a candle.....I wanted to acknowledge it. I didn't mention it in the email but knowing him, he knew that I knew.

This rendezvous is not exactly going where you think. In fact, I am very fucked up about our meeting yesterday. It was mixed of fear, tears, joy and excitement. I spent the day in bed today.....let me explain.

For 1 1/2 years, I have been meeting Mystery Man. This time he was into the dominance and submission sex thing. I figure, okay, I do it with Mr. Porsche and I enjoy it, it would be fun with him. I arrived and we kissed and I held him and he held me. I still mentioned nothing about his birthday. As we undressed, I reached for his cock and immediately got down on my knees. He had a tie....which he was using to pull my head in deeper. It was hot the way he could control my head with the scarf....and then he wrapped it around my neck. A little pressure, but nothing that was for alarm. I knew he was into something of choking...he's put his arms around my neck times before but never put any pressure. Today, he put a little more pressure but it was more of a statement than anything harmful.

I gave him the blowjob of his life. With my tongue swirling that baby. Sucking and licking like I haven't had cock in months. We went to the bed and I sucked him for a good 1/2 hour...of course we went into 69 and everytime he would get me to almost cum, he would stop. Beg me to fuck you...... and I did. Please baby, I need you inside of me. Please baby and so he took me from behind.

I was dripping and you know that feeling of euphoria when you are relaxed and just about to come and you start to float in the air? He was pounding me hard....really hard and I was rubbing my clit, all fours on the bed.....I could feel the wave coming and he was moving his cock in and out, in and out... and then he took it out and literally rammed it in my ass. Hard, no warning, my body went into shock. I saw stars, I collapsed on the bed into fetal position, could not talk and the tears just came streaming down my face. I couldn't move. Oh my God....was all that was going through my mind. It's over, I have to get out of here. But I couldn't move. There was no pleasure from that. I was violated. I trusted him and he destroyed everything. If he could do that to me, I don't know who he is or what else he is capable of. You know how you erase that from your mind. For some reason, I knew it was on purpose.....today, its fuzzy. But even though I can't remember the exact moment, I don't think there was an accident there.

Now, he felt horrible of course. I was also blindfolded and lied there with the blindfold still on and tears rolling down my face. He didn't know what to do. He gave me a second to lie there and then he came over and held me......he was talking but I couldn't hear. He spooned me and wiped my tears and held me tight. He truly was sorry but it took me some time to compose myself and be able to talk.

He held me in his arms and played with my hair. I couldn't stop the tears...he gave me water....and was caring. He was back to himself and even gentler. Should I have run? Probably, but right now I didn't want the ending to be like this. So I accepted his apology and we kissed and he was gentle and held me in his arms. We turned to tv on and we talked a little. the deviant man was gone, the old MM was back.

And now it felt like we moved to another day and time. As if that never happened and almost as if we made a joke out of it after. When he did that, my jewelry flew off....how bizarre...my earring fell out, my bracelet fell off, it was bizarre. So we joked that he fucked the jewelry off of me.

I might not have been so emotional if I wasn't about to cum. I mean it was where I was in my head that made it so damn emotional. I can't explain it. We did have a great afternoon after that. I put it aside but last night and today it keeps haunting me.

Actually, my ass is really hurt. I have discomfort today. I think he ripped something or I don't know. But my butthole really hurts. Feels almost like hemmorroids I guess or its just really bruised and swollen. I will tell you more about part 2 and his birthday. If they were two separate days, it would have been amazing. We fucked two more times and he came two more times. We laughed, we joked, we made penis whipped cream cakes....we had a fun time (as bizarre as that sounds)....but today, that other person is what stands out in my mind. I want to tell you about the great time, so I don't forget it. But I am truly sad today. Sad because our trust was destroyed. Sad because I am now somewhat afraid of Mystery Man. Trust is something you earn. And I trusted him beyond belief. He never had done such a thing to me...and now, in one brief second...it is gone. I don't know if I ever want to see him again.