Can I Live The Rest Of my Life Without the Passion?

I lay in bed rubbing my child's back and sit there dreaming in the dark. Listening to a love song on the radio, thinking about life.

More than anything, I would love to hear the sound of a man that I love opening the front door. The excitement that he is home. And as he peaks in the room, my heart skips a beat. I can't wait to kiss him and have him hold me in his arms. My heart is palpitating with anticipation of us talking about our day. Going upstairs after the kids are asleep and just holding each other and feeling complete. Teasing and joking while undressing each other. The passion is intense, the connection is there.

Sigh, does it exist? I truly think that it does. Can I live the rest of my life without such a connection? Everyone should feel complete. Why do most of us settle? So I leave my daughter's room and I come downstairs and realize that its just my work that awaits for me. Oh, my husband was suppose to put my child to sleep but he had disappeared. Actually I don't mind putting the kids to sleep. I enjoy the closeness we feel and the cuddles at night. It's the closest thing to feeling complete in my heart. And while they truly complete me and give so much, there is still that part of me that is yearning for the affection of a man.

Today, I was passing a flower shop....yes, they are getting ready for Valentine's Day. Outside the shop were three huge frogs.....they held hearts saying, Kiss me, I may turn into your Prince Charming!! I couldn't help but laugh....

Back to work....just needed to clear my heart a little....

Sweet Dreams!!

A Little Phone Sex To Start The Day

Was getting ready to walk out the door and I decided to say good by to Mr. Lawyer on IM. I hadn't said good morning and well, I felt bad just shutting down. So I quickly shot him a note. We started to talk and he asked...what are you wearing. Hmmm....I am wearing a professional business suit with a little lace camisole underneath. My phone rings. Guess who it is?!

So what are you doing now? I am bending over and putting my papers into my briefcase was my answer. So if I were able to get you out of the pants, I could have a perfect angle to put my hard cock inside of you? "Why yes, it would be a perfect angle...in fact I am totally bent over now!" So what underwear are you wearing? Aah! Today I had on a matching bra and panties set......I was proud to announce. You see, many times, I don't match in the rush to get dressed. Today I did because, well I love feeling together and sexy when I work.

Okay, we all know I said this morning that I was damn horny. Well, the horniness was lingering. Mr. Lawyer has a way of phone sex that at first was disturbing....now I am beginning to find it erotic. I'm going to put my tongue in your mouth...baby girl, open your mouth for me...

It's a little different, and I am startng to get used to it and like it some more. IT's kind of controlling and pornographic. I can't explain it...like an obscene phone call. What was unfamiliar at the beginning has now become familiar and well, let's face it. I was damn horny and this talk was getting me going.

I dropped my bag and decided that in order to get through the day, I had to go upstairs and masturbate to his voice. He likes to control the conversation.....there is little input from me and well I throw him off when I ask about his cock. It's one sided phone sex and I am the one who benefits so upstairs I go as a slide down my slacks to take care of the tight and pulsating walls inside of me.

I follow his every explicit direction on how he is going to caress and pinch and lick and suck my nipples....gving attention to both the left and the right. I admit it---I cheat. you see he doesn't want me to touch my pussy YET. But I can't wait....I have to start rubbing my clit with my two fingers. Using my wetness as a lubricant....damn, I was super wet today.

As he talks about going inside of me, I can feel my ass lifting to the movement of his voice. Oh, I love as I am about to cum...the euphoric feeling makes my head light and I can feel my body at peace. I try to hold off a little, I want this to be a rush. And then the wave comes and I can feel my body reacting even more to his voice....as I moan, I can hear myself scream his name as my body starts to pulsate and contract....aahhh!! now that felt great. My nipples are so erect and I just caress them a little more.....mmmmm.....now I am ready to start my day!

So Mr. Lawyer.....he was definitely fun today. But he's not for me. He's super controlling, he needs someone who can cater to him. That's not me right now. I want a two way street affair. Tonight, I texted him, are you horny? No, hon. I'm reading. Oh well, today was fun.

All day I walked around still horny. I worked super hard and tonight, I am wiped. I wish I had a man that I could just crawl in bed with and screw till the morning light. Oh well, I guess I will hug my pillow tight tonight and hope for some hot sexual dream to seep in!

Sweet Wet Dreams!

Secret Lovers Lane....which direction do I go?

Please don't feel like you have to apologize for not listening to the podcast. I love that you come to my blog and actually.....my blog is about me and my life. The podcast is about me but more of a fun type of thing. I love that I have two different groups of friends.....its just wild how they are still so separate worlds (okay that's my perspective from my business mind I guess).

Anyway, there is not much going on in Secret Lovers Lane. I think its out of personal choice right now. I have chosen not to answer responses from Ashley and Philanderers....I think I am just so busy with my career right now....an affair seems like so much work.

I do talk to Mr. Lawyer.....that has fizzled....actually, I am not into him anymore. I was into his attentiveness and that's about it. And, he's not whooshing me as much. So, I am going to just let that die.

Now its one thing to fantasize about someone...its another where they are literally in your dream. TADPOLE...was in my dream the other night. We were fooling around in this kitchen and we were about to have sex on the counter...when his wife came home (it wasn't his house though...it was an apartment). We were all hanging out like we were friends.....the two of us (in heat) kept eyeing each other. The kisses before were hot and intense......his hands roving my body...yummy.

In my dream, she went out for a few minutes to go get something and we continued to passionately kiss. But I left before anything further happened and then I got lost walking home in a cold winter storm. Hmmmm....what does that mean?

So Tadpole and I have never kissed. So he's got a lot to live up to....the Dream Tadpole was a pretty hot and intense kisser. We've met twice for coffee and it was great. We talk every day or every other day......we've dabbled in phone sex awhile back and recently he told me how he wanted to put his hard cock inside of me....of course, I couldn't respond, my family was right there which made it even more fun....he knew I couldn't say much.

So what is Tadpole and I? Hmmm....good friends...absolutely. Not sure if we will ever be more but I do enjoy him and our conversations.

Okay off to work......lot to do....have a great day! I have come to the conclusion that I need to screw someone at least once a month.....I can feel the energy building again...I can feel the animal urge of desire inside of me.....I am getting horny again. I haven't masturbated in a long time..I think its time to return to my masturbation ritual until I figure out if I want a Secret Lover again...sigh!!

Bouncing A Roll of Quarters off of his ?$%)@ ??!? LOL

Here I wrote my inner thoughts, my inner desires...I place all the things in my head for the world to see. On my podcast, I tell stories, discuss some of the frogs and talk about new things I'd like to try. Funny, most of the readers of my blog, don't listen to my podcast and vice versa. The latest podcast, I podcasted from the tub. Now others do that so even though I love my tub, this was my first episode. I read a passage from my waterproof book....

I always debate back and forth whether to keep the podcast alive. I love doing it BUT I fear one day someone will recognize my voice. Let's be realistic, a lot of people have IPods these days. Well today I got a note from someone who listened and I want to share it with you....so sweet, so delicious and totally cheered up my day. I giggled for the rest of the afternoon thinking about it....funny how I don't think I have a sexy voice. If anything I see myself as a comic routine rather than a sexy being. Well here is the note....I also attached a link to my iTunes. So listen if you have an account or you can grab the feed at Rendezvous Radio

iTunes

RE: SLEEPLESS NIGHTS

hey cheri,
i have just awoken from probably the most sleepness night i have ever had. i
downloaded episode 10 late last night and decided to listen to it in bed
so im in bed and this incredibly husky and i have to say sexy voice comes on my ipod and proceeds to just blow me away. i mean my jaw dropped and i couldnt close it for 35 minutes.
the next physical change i had was something that reminded me of when i was
a young man, now i have had viagra but youre much better, seriously i could
have bounced a roll of quarters of the end of my dick (sorry about the
crudeness but i am in shock) honestly i felt faint because of the blood
loss. so id just like to say.........................................................THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

your fan from australia (yes and i would love to get you down under wink
wink)

Everyone Has Their Own Dirty Little Secrets..I just share mine with you!

Interesting how a psychologist could be so opinionated and condescending....you would think he would be a little less judgmental....hmmmm.....but he did get me thinking in his obnoxious remarks. (I deleted his comments and surprisingly he wrote his real name too!)

He commented that I am where I was a year ago. I looked around and I am glad to report...I am soooo not where I was a year ago. Oh, I still have not found Mr. Married Prince Charming and I still don't understand the male race. I am still playing around with Married Men on Ashley and Philanderers.....however.......I am not at all in the same frame of mind.

A year ago, I felt desperate. I was spiraling down and life seemed out of control. the void was so deep, I didn't see any answers and I didn't see an out. I felt like a trapped rat. While things are still not as I would like--I have a different perspective. I have learned and I have grown with each of my experiences. I am headed in a new direction, I am more secure, my stronger, independent self is beginning to return and I am taking steps in the right direction.

Rome wasn't built in a year....and well, I am not going to be able to solve my situation in that time either. I have started to untwine myself from my husband monetarily. We each have our own career now AND we are both working (thankfully). I am very successful at my new career. I am good at what I do and it is empowering for me. I do feel that at the rate that hubby and I continue to grow apart.....divorce seems inevitable. Of course, you are all not stupid and you know I am not either. Obviously, there is something that is holding me back more than a typical marriage. There is a lot more that those who have read my blog may figure out and then you would understand. My life is more complicated than most. And sadly, I am realizing that I do not think that I love him anymore. Before, I was thinking it was our financial problems and all the other crap. Now I am realizing (and very sadly in fact) that I have lost so much respect for him and we have grown so far apart. I don't think we could find common ground. In fact, I have began to tell my family that its not looking so good for us so the shock won't be overwhelming.

Honestly, my extramarital affairs helped me deal with the loneliness, the desperation and it took me to another world that I truly think I needed for survival. I don't need that world like that anymore. It's different now. And I can honestly say these affairs did not break my marriage up at all. they didn't make it any worse. My marriage is exactly what is it......the problems are not because I am in love with someone else. The problems are what they are.

And my sexuality has grown. I am more confident with me and you know what. It shows in my real world. It's empowering.....its exciting. I love masturbating, I love orgasms, I love sex. Hey for a girl who thought she was asexual.....that's pretty damn amazing.

And what hasn't changed. The void is still there. But you know what, I have learned from these sites. The difference now......I do know what the guy is looking for. And when I complain, its usually because of lack of human respect. I expect to be treated with the same respect that I treat others with. You are a human being even though you are cheating. When I walk out of a store or a bank, I hold the door open for the stranger behind me. I say hello, good by and treat strangers with common courtesy. I don't think that is asking too much from someone who you have even gone as far as had a sexual relationship with.

So what else hasn't changed......I still get hurt. I still do feel that excitement when I meet someone, I feel that smile in my heart when I am attracted to someone. I feel that void lessen. Yeah, I am not as gullible as before. I keep hoping to meet someone who can give me the mental and physical stimulation that I need that is close to where I live. So far, I haven't found that in one person. I have found great mental connections and great physical connections and those that were both....were too far away.

I'm not looking like I was. I truthfully has been a lot more dormant lately. I don't have the desire to search online like I did. Actually, I am finding that is making me a little sadder with each man that I find is not my prince. So, I've been lying low on the new prospects and actually sticking to what makes me feel best....my frog friends. Mr. Podcaster, Mr. Springer and of course the Tadpole. Actually, the lawyer came crawling back yesterday. Apologizing and saying what an ass he was. Sadly, I think the damage is done. Disappearing without a trace is my biggest pet peeve. Demonstrating that you don't care about the person at all.

So, in summary....I am fucking okay!! I am a little lonely, I feel a void still but I am seeing the light. I am feeling better about me. So, once again, don't judge others until you've walked in their shoes. I certainly don't judge......everyone has their own dirty little secrets.

The Lawyer is a Dick, are you surprised?

I want to apologize before I even begin. Today is a male bashing day. Gotta tell ya!! I hate men. I truly do. don't understand them and honestly think I am going to give up the species. I truly am considering the asexual approach.

The Lawyer is an ASS!! Okay, I had decided to give him another chance after his little escapade. He called, was so carrying, so concerned. Oh yeah, that was all an act. I am the one who told him that the distance was too far. Well, I guess he decided that it was going to be a problem because I haven't heard from him. Let's see, he asked if we could meet on Thursday but I wasn't really up to it this week. Interesting, I haven't heard from him again.

So you know me....CLOSURE is necessary...so I called and said good by and wished him luck. No use holding out on the inevitable.....idiot I am. I knew he wasn't for me and then he basically dumped me. What a riot! How mad I am at myself. I know these things aren't going to work..yet I don't have the balls to walk away. It's the fact that he walked away without even saying good by. You know, I have never just walked away. I have to show common courtesy and say good by. I'm a fool.

My hearts not into the men these days. With every frog I meet or start talking to.....the let down is so disappointing. It's gotten to the point where I am not even in the mood to answer the ads. What started off as a great month is closing on a real downer. Business wise too. The deal has been postponed and now that I look at it, I don't even know if I want it. RRRRRR!!!!!

I can say that there are three frogs who are consistent in my life and I truly cherish our friendship. Mr. Podcaster is one. Mr. Springer--I spoke to him today.....he is really a great friend, we click and we love talking to each other. We talk business and life and its truly so nice. I love our friendship. And then of course, the Tadpole. Not a full fledged frog.....by now you would have thought he would have grown some body parts but he hasn't. I don't know what we are or what is going on in his head. But I do laugh hysterical from his sense of humor. So witty and dry that he makes me laugh with his wise remarks. I am usually his afternoon comedy hour.

So, I am going to leave you with one of Hale's hysterical comics...hell, its been such a bad day, I'll leave ya two!! Actually, he sent me a new shipment today and well, they had me laughing so hard. Sweet Wet Dreams! Well, for me its been a long time. I haven't been masturbating, I haven't had sex and if you want to count last week being fingered in the train station but I don't count that. Sigh......I'm a little lonely today.

Whew! I'm okay

I'm okay! Well at least no broken bones or swelling on my brain.... now of course, the joke was that now they know officially I don't have a brain in my head....hmmmm...what a funny group of doctors I know. Actually, everyone really treated me great and I was through the system in no time with my results from the catscans. I am still in pain but it will take a few days I guess.

Come on, you know me.....do I ever do anything half ass? No way...I love the extremes!!

Mr. Lawyer, to my surprise has certainly stepped up to the plate of being a caring and concerned possible suitor. He called before my tests, during and after. He has emailed me, texted me and called all day. He was relentless to make sure I got the tests done. And keeps asking me how I am feeling. It's actually really nice to have someone who is taking such an interest. And then there is Mr. Podcaster, Mr. Prize and the loving Tadpole (who I have to give you an update on) who have also been concerned about me.

Hmmmm....did you happen to notice my husband wasn't mentioned in that?? He didn't even ask me how the tests went. My kid had to say to him (mommy went for the tests, ask her how she is feeling). yeah, my child called me when he heard a message on my machine saying that I needed to come in for a catscan. The husband.....he forgot. Oh yeah, I should have called. My answer, you should have called just to see if you needed to watch your kids if there had been a serious problem (I have come to realize, I am not even on his list of priorities).

Each day, I realize more and more that I am headed to divorce court. He isn't vicious, just so damn stupid and self absorbed. He has no priorities. And you know what, I realize that there has to be someone out there that can be my friend and my lover. I wouldn't want to remarry. I don't think I would ever re-marry if I got divorced. Lately, the thought of being free and single is invigorating. Is exciting.... Is something I think I would really, really enjoy!!

Well, enough babbling. I'm okay and thank you all for your concern. XOXOXOXO There is someone up there working overtime watching over me (she/he must have been on a break when I smashed my face).

A Concussion and A Funeral With All My Secret Lovers

So wild how you think of the strangest things when something happens.

Tonight, I was really lucky. Without getting too specific..... I was carrying my child, tripped over something and lost my balance. In an effort for her not to get hurt, I got hurt. I fell into a glass table face first. Thick glass (about an inch thick)...it hit directly on my cheek bone and it flipped over and smacked me on the head.

Still as a mom, I had made sure my child's head was safe....and I (after smashing my face because I don't remember exactly) I passed out. Waking up to my concerned children, I am lucky that I didn't cut my face and I don't think I broke my cheekbone BUT I certainly could have done a lot more damage (broken teeth, broken nose).

Well, the long and short. I have a concussion. I was dazed for over an hour and can't exactly remember the whole event. And to sum it up.... my hubby lied when I asked where he was (he was getting food) and well he was a little concerned at first when I called because I was a wreck..he made sure he finished ordering his food and then came home (I won't mention that I had cooked food and had it waiting for him on the stove. And I am a damn good cook, it was a sausage, tomato, oil, garlic with vegetables over pasta).

Mr. Podcaster.....thank you baby. He was so concerned. He helped me check my symptoms...I thought I had a concussion but wasn't sure. And after reading it, I had them all. He was so sweet and caring....such a good friend he is.....

And Mr. Lawyer. Interesting....I asked him if he would mind a girl with a purple cheek, bump like a bowling ball and concussion? He said what happened love? I told him. An hour later, no response. Interesting. I text back, going to sleep now. He says Hope your okay love!.

Now, you know what. I truly never belly ache. I roll with all the punches....and tonight. I was fucking scared. Hello?!?! I woke up on the floor, dizzy, confused, a huge bump on my head and I couldn't talk because my cheek was killing me. My head was spinning and I could have really hurt my kid.....I was petrified. Can't a girl get a little sympathy? Can't a guy in her life just be a little concerned? It amazes me because I know I would be concerned if it happened to my husband or to Mr. Lawyer.

I do remember screaming at my husband when he got home and I found out he stopped for food. We are so fucking over.....and I went upstairs to lie down. Mr. Lawyer, didn't expect a lot from him but he was so attentive (texting me and calling over 18 times yesterday) so when I am really hurt....I expected a little concern (not like I stubbed my toe).

The funny thing, while I was lying there. I was thinking how my blog buddies would never know if something really happened to me. You are all an important part of my world, yet if I disappeared or if you disappeared....we could go away untraced. Kind of sad.

About a month ago, I was talking to my girlfriend about this. I told her that all the frogs numbers are on my cell phone under a code and that there were some in a drawer. If anything happens to me, call them all. I want all the frogs at my funeral. Set up a special section for them...how funny would that be. All the frogs meeting...they can each tell about their experiences with me (hee.hee) okay, I am kidding about the eulogy part. But I would love them all there to bid me farewell. What a way to go out!! A room full over Secret Lovers!!

All right, this bump on my head is obviously getting to me. I do feel better but I better go to sleep now. I am nervous what my face is going to look like in the morning.

Sweet Dreams!!

Be Careful What You Wish For...It May Come True

Well, well, well. I met Mr. Lawyer last night. And for the first time ever, I don't even know how I feel about it. It was wild, scary, overwhelming, exciting, ridiculous, tempting.....all rolled up into one. This is the first time I can honestly say, I am not sure what I am feeling. So let me explain....

We met at a really great restaurant...one of my favorites. He was running late and he called. Ironically, he said to me "don't go into the bar area, someone will pick you up." I laughed. About one second later....an older gentleman, extremely nicely dressed and definitely distinguished passed by and smiled. I smiled back and went back to my phone conversation. He walked out the door but then I saw he was coming back. He came back over to me and said " I had to come back in to just tell you that you have the nicest smile". What a really sweet thing to do....I smiled and blushed.

So then Mr. Lawyer walks in. He looked even better than his picture. He had great eyes..We hit it off right away. Chatting, smiling and flirting. Yes, we were both happy. Well we got a table and starting talking. He was reaching for my leg under the table......it was actually tickling me so I grabbed his hand and we held it (so far so good).

He ordered a bottle of wine. Okay, here is where it got me a little crazy. He started asking the waiter what he thought about every wine on the menu....now we moved on to appetizers and specials. He asked about every ingredient and then proceeded to do the same with the main course. ME, I just ordered. you see I have a philosophy on this.....its not going to be your last meal (at least you hope) so if it sounds good--try it. Of course you can ask about an ingredient or two BUT the whole menu. I finally said to him.... go with the fish and if you don't like it, you won't get it next time we come. Another annoying thing he did....was leave not such a generous tip for the waiter. I personally am a big tipper and I know you don't have to tip on tax (and I think even wine--not sure the eitquette rules on that)...probably because I will tip about 20%. And when you hear the rest of the story...he should have tipped bigger.

So now he is trying to convince me to go to a hotel. He strategically knew one in the area had vacancies. I wanted to get to know him a little. He tried every which way...it wasn't happening. then we decided to share a dessert so I moved to his side of the table. Oh boy, probably not a smart move. You see, I have fondled in a restaurant on the outside of clothes and this was no private restaurant....we were in a big room with other people.

So here is the be careful what you wish for. Yes, you know I dreamed about fooling around at a table. In fact, remember my hot lunch that I was suppose to do with Curious George? No underwear at the table? Well, lets just say, I had a skirt on and well, my underwear was a thong. Yes, he proceeded up my skirt rubbing my thighs. I just smiled and moved his hand a little. Then I checked his baggage of course (didn't have to I know what I would find)...well he had proceeded to put his fingers on my clit and open my legs. I was stunned....I said we can't do this in this restaurant.....oh, he proceeded to slide me down a little and insert a finger into my pussy. I was stunned......I was squirming,,,,I couldn't believe he was doing this....could anyone see? they had to see he was bent over a little. I couldn't even look around. "please don't here, I kept saying" he just kept fingering me.

Now there was a little excitement for a second but my morals kicked in too. I had such mixed emotions there. Good girl vs. really bad girl. I had thought about this but actually in a restaurant that was a little less crowded and dimmer lights and a little more private.

We were leaving and he ran into someone he knew. (that was way too funny). So he wanted to leave inconspicously separately (10 seconds apart). Now you know me....to add to it...I threw my jacket over my head....just to add some attention to the situation...we both actually were laughing.

He walked me down to my train....and while we were waiting we went into a store so no one would see us.....he proceeded to suck my face, deeply......and now was going up my shirt. Hmmm......when I told Tadpole the story, he laughed and said...can't wait to see it on one of those video shows. Geez, can you imagine the security cameras who caught us.

Finally, I said, let's at least go someplace where there are no cameras. down at the end of the row where there was this wall. Okay, so we walked over, I went to kiss him good night and he proceeded to put his hands down my shirt and squeeze my nipples so damn hard. It was exciting the mixture of pain and feeling amazing......strange feeling. The place, the tight squeeze...and of course now he slide his hands up my skirt again and well now I was standing so he quickly inserted two fingers and started fingering me away while he was squeezing one nipple. I admit, it was kind of hot BUT I was sooo torn iniside. Yes, I was wet....but I couldn't figure out my take on it.....such a mixed feeling. Well, the clincher....he now put onr finger up my ass. Okay, way too much for public display here...now I was shocked.

I said good by and well couldn't even tell my girlfriend about the night. I said I don't know...she was laughing so hard. It was fun, it was exciting but he's like a whoosh!! Very controlling and very forceful. I had fun...I could see sex with him being really hot. But I am concerned about him not understand the word NO. I have never experienced a guy that if I said no or just squirmed that they didn't immediately stop. Seriously, every guy so far has understood a squirm....

So a day later and my nipples are so damn sore. A kind of reminder of my public sex display...I am giggling now..it was funny. But how embarrassing if we got caught.

I did talk to him about what happened. He apologized and swore he would listen for now on. I do like him. But he is quite overwhelming at times. Yet, he's into talking about me and my day. Kind of nice for a change. Sigh.....I don't know. I like the attention. So many signals say to say good by yet I find him intriguing in a way. I think sex would be wild......even his phone sex is a little different. He's like an auctioneer....lol "Let me sit with you hon" I'm putting my tongue in your mouth, can you feel me hon"? I do like when he calls me Baby Girl....I like that. Can live without hon, lover and love. I'm more of a Baby Girl type!! lol

Sweet Dreams......XOXO Sorry I haven't been writing. Actually I have some good stories from this week. It was a crazy and exciting week. But I didn't have time to write it. More fun news to follow!!! Life is good!!

And thanks darling Hale!! I think Hale sees when I am having a hard time posting and finding time to find pix so he sends me the funniest ones.....I have to share them with you all. They make me laugh so hard....Thanks Baby For Saving Me!!

Possible Mr. Married Prince Charming?

Wow! I am amazed. Over 40,000 downloads of my podcast. How hysterical is that. Yup! 40,000. Now that is something I can't imagine. that so many people would want to listen to me. Geez...I am totally blushing. But thanks to all of you who write me such sweet emails. I read them all and enjoy every one!!! Mwah!!


Well the lawyer and I have been yacking away. Thankfully we are both on the same phone plan. I don't know if it way or he just has a damn great memory. He can be a little tiresome, I can feel like I am on the stand all the time. I guess the fact that I am hiding a whole separate world....hmmmm....it makes it tough. This is the first guy who really wants to know all my escapades before him. I have only admitted to two. And I squirm out of it when he starts to question me about them.

Actually, we are suppose to meet tomorrow. I am not sure I want to. I like him, I really do. I like the feeling of protection and concern for my welfare that he gives me. But if he is trying to control me.....well.....I am not really a girl you control. Yeah, I dream about submission and fantasize about being tied up. But in real life, I am damn independent. And lately, I have been getting even more independent soooooo I'm not looking to be taken care of. I'm looking to grow more independent.

And now for my excitement of the week..........WOW!!

I was working and had to make a stop at a client. Based upon his name, I expected a really old man about 80. I guess my next door neighbor (who was 97) has this name so that is who I expected to see. His assistant told me to go in and I turned the corner and sitting at the desk was this extremely handsome man....gorgeous eyes, sexy smile and about 45. I was totally taken back. And, I think he was too. I think he expected me to be an old hag too based upon the look on his face.

Well we both smiled and started talking. And talking and talking. And I forgot he was my client for a minute. It was one of those things that we started talking about personals things, our likes and dislikes and people we both knew. Well, it must have been about a half hour. He was just charming. He was sexy. He was nice. He was my type. I am assuming he is married but he had no ring.

We got interrupted, his assistant came in and told him that he had 4 other people waiting a long time for him. I apologized for taking up so much of his time. He just smiled and said No, I enjoyed our talk very much.

So that was my meeting. Will anything come out of it? No, first I don't mix business and pleasure but damn..I am tempted. All day I kept seeing his face and his surprised smile when I walked in. So amazing. He was the image in my head as I drifted off into dreamland in my tub. It's not going to go anywhere but I could see him on a white horse coming to sweep me away. He actually looks like a Prince Charming......how funny. Well maybe I'd have to settle for his Mercedes that he had parked outside. I rushed to the phone when I left.....finally, a nice and cute guy...I told my girlfriend. Well, it doesn't hurt to dream does it? Mmmmmm......so I will visit him again next month. Yes, he will be one of my first stops next month....oh yes..

Rendezvous Radio Podcast and the newest sexual frogs!

A new podcast is up. I did an episode of Rendezvous Radio. It's actually an erotic short story reading from my bath tub. How fun is that?! Mr. Podcaster thought it was the hottest one...well I think he is a little subjective there.

You see, he knew i was going to podcast. So after I finished readng the short story and I was still in the tub..he IM'd me....wireless is such a wonderful thing.

Well I was so worked up from that erotic story that I enjoyed the thought of him playing with me. However I couldn't IM so I had him call my computer. We talked...it was as if he was there with me. I could here him and talk to him through my mike. Like a voice from up above..

IT was so damn hot to hear his voice in the tub with me. Cum with me, I said. Let's play together. And so we did. I could hear him playing with himself....and he was directing me and telling me how much he wanted to fuck me. I could feel him there...almost...with the jets on me and the thoughts of him teasing me with his cock.

It's not easy to cum in 104 degree temperature but I could feel my whole body pulsating....it was wild to feel my walls contracting within the water....my back arching to his voice that echoed throughout my bathroom....this was something I've never experienced. I loved it..

So go listen to the podcast!! I think you may enjoy it.

Okay, gotta tell ya. I think I might have been wrong about arrogant lawyer. He actually is turning out to be a really great guy. He definitely says the right things, he wants to know all about me (and he seems interested too), he claims to only want to be with one person and really get to know that person. Hmmm....he says he's not afraid of getting close to someone. Says he knows it sounds weird but honesty is the most important thing to him (sound familiar?)

So he's either been reading my blog, knows what many girls wants to hear or he's really sincere. We spoke a lot today. He just wanted to know more and more about me. Aren't you bored yet, I asked? No, you are a fascinating person. The more I hear about you, the more I am really liking the person that you are. Problem, physically, I am not attracted to him really. However, I am really starting to like the person I am talking to. He's interesting, caring, funny.....I have never liked bald men, but now I am looking at him differently. We will see....only time will tell.

New Boy Toy's Birthday and Another Arrogant Lawyer

There has been a frog that I swear looks like I need to ID him. He is a boy toy anyway.....34.....but he looks barily 21. With all that's been going on, he seems to keep falling through the cracks but he is persistent. His birthday is this week. Here's our email back and forth. Kinda cute isn't he?

Cheri says:

The Birthday Boy, it's almost here!!! I still think I should ID if we meet.
>
> What do little boys dream about for their birthday??
> Might help me with your present!!


Boy Toy writes:
I would love to go somewhere with you where I can give
you a long massage, slowly explore each other's body
while kissing each other passionately and see whatever
else happens. So my present would be you :)

Now THAT would be one present that would make me very
happy!!!


Then there were some guys that I hadn't answered that had sent me notes. I'm home alone, I wanted to see if any peaked my interest. To my surprise, there were three that had potential. One answered me pretty quickly and asked for me email to send a pix and I gave it to him.

Well, he boldly added me to his IM. I'll bite, I'm alone this weekend, a little entertainment before bed..hey why not. Well, Type A is kind of an understatement. He approach was quite the pitbull approach. I told him...your a lawyer. Are you surprised that I was right?

He lives too far away (As I told him), he's okay looking (that's about it) and his personality was too overwhelming for me. I felt like I was on the witness stand with all the questions. Like an arrogant pompous man, he ignored my remarks that distance was a problem, I told him he was okay looking (hmmm it was mean but he didn't seem to notice) and that I really wasn't interested.

He proceeds to go on the seduction course...what are you wearing? And then started to want to know details of my affair with Mr. Government. We are talking did I prefer his fingers, tongue or other inside of me? Well, either I have been doing this too long or I am just immune and bored with this played seduction. I started to dose off...yup, while he is trying to seduce me, I fell asleep on my bed with my computer on. Give me your number, I must have typed it half asleep (I don't even remember...geez) This morning he has been texting me all morning....


In conclusion; I like a guy who flatters me and makes me feel special. The ones who are self absorbed and just worried about their own cock.....I am tired of them. So immune to them, I fall asleep as they are trying to seduce me!!

Feeling Great....

I have to tell you, I have been having a lot of fun this week. Innocent fun but fun none the less.

I am working on a project where I am interacting with a lot of men this week. Yesterday, I don't know what it was.....but I was getting tons and tons of attention. the women I met, told me my hair looked great but that can't be why I was getting so much attention.

I was on yesterday...I felt a great confidence level, I was feeling great. I wonder if that had anything to do with it? Is it an aura? It is a way I carry myself? Was it a difference in my facial expressions? Or was I just noticing something that is there that I never pick up on?

With each meeting, my confidence level kept increasing....and I was getting better and better at getting passed some of the gatekeepers who I needed to get passed.

At the end of the day, I was exhausted....barily could smile another smile. I had one last meeting with a guy who I needed to pick up some work related matter from. He commented....wow, these professionals must be thrilled when you walk in. You are like the whipped cream on a sundae.....

Then I went to pick up pizza for the kids. Now, I walked in and all eyes behind the counter stared at me (which they usually do...I have the horniest local pizza place). But this time, there were these two hot men online who were looking at me and smiled at me. I smiled back and one of them said You have a great smile.

So, as you can imagine......I went home feeling like a million bucks yesterday. So what was it? Damn, I wish I knew because I would repeat it everyday....

Secret Lover Sex in a Public Bathroom?

Time seems to change a person's perspective on things or do we just change over time? Divorce Attorney is hot. But his attitude always turned me off. Very demanding in a way. Very into how I should be dressed when we meet. Like as if I were a toy for him. A year ago, that pissed me off. Hey, I'm independent, no ones toy. Now that behavior is kind of a turn on to my dark side. Probably because I know he can't control me but I can play the game.

My free consult from him is going to occur before our lunch. Truth is, he wanted to lure me in with waiting to give me the advice at the lunch. Pointing out to him...okay, so you are taking me out to lunch and all we are going to talk about is my possible divorce.....oh yeah, that's romantic. Put like that, he decided a free consult over the phone BEFORE lunch was the best route.

When we met last year, we ended up sucking face by the bathroom in the restaurant...a side, out of the way area where no one saw us. He told me he's been dreaming about that kiss for a year. It was so damn hot that he couldn't get it out of his head. I laugh because it was the whole scenerio that was hot....the secretness, the meeting......just added to it. The actual kiss, it was good.

So now he loves dress up. He loves the thought that a woman is looking sexy for him. So his fantasy entails....us meeting for lunch. Me in a skirt with a shirt showing my cleavage...we have lunch and then the restaurant has a quiet, separate one person bathroom. He takes me into the bathroom and he lifts up my skirt...I am wet with no panties.... he proceeds to fuck me from behind as I lean over the sink.......hmmmmmm

Now, in some ways that is repulsive...sex in a bathroom..how classless.... no underwear...how whorish.... YET..... a part of me is so damn turned on by that. I must be, the thought keeps popping into my head and its making me get all tight and wet. I might have to change the location though (although I do not put it past him to spend time this week looking for the best bathroom)....we might just have to go up to his office. We can lean on his desk as he fucks me from behind.....

Poor thing...he will be sitting at his desk trying to work late at night..and this visual will constantly interrupt his work....however, its safer than a public bathroom (and cleaner).

Isn't it wild how hormones can take the most respectable human being into such dirty and wild scenerios!!??

What Are You Saying?!?

Last night was once again a childish game in my bedroom. I was tossing and turning with so much on my head. And as I would doze, my husband would touch my forehead...twice. Then he kept putting his feet all over me...And finally, trying to steal my covers. I got a thing with covers....I love to be wrapped in a coccoon and that's how I sleep on cold nights. He's starting to unravel my coccoon....he knew I had a big day today....what the @($%? Leave me alone, go away I am saying. You're so mean is his response. I think I passed out.

This morning.....I just wanted to snuggle, it was cold, why don't you want to snuggle? You gotta be kidding was my response.

Hmmm.....where were you five years ago? Anger fulfills me because there is also this feeling of uneasy and guilt. All I am thinking is don't do this now. Now that I am at the point of no return you are pretending to wake up for a few minutes? MAybe two years ago, you could have pulled me back when I begged for us to go for help. But now? I've finally been able to admit it--I don't feel the love. I haven't felt it in years. We did have friendship but then that totally deteriorated along with the respect.

"What are you saying?" he says to me as he is sitting on the bowl. And to me......that was when the door opened. An opportunity to say "I want out" but the timing is not there yet. It was on the tip of my tongue...I was so close to saying it...but I knew I couldn't. I couldn't say it for a list of reasons....
one...it would have made all the wheels start setting into motion. It would have put him on guard.

And two, I couldn't start the war within the house for the kids sake. Right now, they need some stability. My daughter's birthday is coming up, my son has some big events and I have a huge commitment in February for my daughter that we have been waiting for 4 years to happen.

Three...financially I am not set up. Although, from talking with business friends and Divorce Attorney---I cannot legally make my business deal complete until I file for a legal separation. Otherwise, he gets half of it. Can you imagine? I haven't even begun the work on this new venture and he already would get a free ride as I worked my ass off for the next 30 years. Oh no...ain't happening. This new venture is for me and my kids.

Do I want a divorce? I didn't want one this year but I also can't hold off this deal. I also don't want him to get 1/2 of it especially if in a year.....I am going to want a divorce. All of a sudden I feel like the wheels are in motion and I am driving 110 down the highway. Still got control of the car, loving the energy, loving the venture---but any second I could lose control and crash.

So I can't announce to him that I want out right now. "Please, not now!" was all that I said and avoided him the rest of the morning. So with that comment, the pressure is on me even more now to start getting my ducks lined up and quickly. No wonder I haven't been sleeping!

The Difference Between Men and Women Cheaters

I should write a thesis on this. Once again, men and women are so different in their thinking. I truly think that women think it out sooooo much more before they contemplate cheating. They have tried to make their relationship work, they have thought about the guilt they will feel and they way the pros and the cons before hand. This way, after they cheat, the guilt is there but it is not so overwhelming.

Men, on the other hand, I think they think with their dick before. They think about cheating a little, they get caught up in it..they cheat AND then the guilt comes flying over them. Hence the flip out and guilt after.

Where did all this stem from? A heart to heart with Mr. Springer. We get along great, we are really good friends. Actually, he just spent two hours helping me with this business deal in order for me to cover all bases on what I need. Then, the subject of cheating came up. we started to discuss it in the third person. And well, its obvious he has severe guilt. He looks at his fiance and feels really guilty. I can tell, we were no longer talking about a scenerio but we were talking about us.

So sadly, I don't know if Springer and I will ever hook up again. Actually, I know that if I went over there, no doubt, we would end up in bed. That was basically said. So, I think we are going to meet for lunch in a public place next week (his house is way too tempting and I don't want him to feel bad). Although, damn, I could use those lips and tongue again. I never felt my legs shake like that before and have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. Sigh....gotta be good. I wonder if eating me out counts as cheating?

A sexual resolution fulfillment on the horizon?

Craziness...but actually pretty good stuff. I have been burning both ends of the candle these days and blogging (sorry) has taken a little bit of a back seat.

Today was a nice surprise, I got an email from Tadpole. Actually discussing my sexual resolution list (mmmmmm). Our connection had been off a little for awhile (and how strange it is writing this because I know he will be reading it--!!).

So I called him and we laughed like we usually do. He has this funny, dry sense of humor that makes me crack up. I can be guaranteed a smile after I speak with him.

And then.....to my delight....he did something he never does....he called me while he was out drinking a couple of beers. Hmmmm.....and he is going to call me tomorrow because hubby is away.....Hmmmmm.....Hmmmmmm.....what does it all mean?? Don't know and I am not going to analyze it for a change. Just going to say, I liked it a lot...definitely thought about him during the rest of the evening and well it brought a smile to my face and even a little excitement in between my legs!

Tadpole is unique. He is the only BLOGGER I have ever met. It's a strange thing because he knew my sexual side before he knew any other side of me. He knew my insecurities, my turn ons and all about my secret lovers. It's like having the competing teams rule book--a season ahead of time.... So its a strange feeling to be such an open book to someone. On the flip side, there are no games. There is no thinking how I am going to play this, there is no deciding how much I am going to tell him about my life....it's as if he is already in my head! He's read it all hear already so in a way-- he knows what he is getting and I am just me!!

So I guess we will see where this all takes me.

Oh! I got a bonus today from my boss! Which was nice. Of course, I didn't tell hubby for how much and I kind of had to mention it because I felt I might slip up if I didn't.

Sweet WET Dreams!!! XOXO Have a great weekend!

A Dream Come True?!

My Horoscope For Today:


Aren't you glad that things turned out the way they did? It didn't seem like things could work out so wonderfully, but it happened. Honor the past, and thank your lucky stars for your lovely and enriching present.



Wow! Gotta tell ya, the horoscope was so right on today. Have you ever been offered your dream on a silver platter? I didn't think so. I've had to work for everything in my life and damn hard for it. So today, I was made a professional offer that was what I was dreaming about...what I would need to really put my life together and do as I please. Too good to be true? I wonder. This person has no reason to screw me. It's been a long time since I was in demand and I was offered nice compensation.

And of course, the old saying, watch out for what you wish for!! This would be a lot, a lot of work....keep me very busy. So......my horoscope made me laugh. Can this be my dream come true? I guess we will find out soon......

Sweet Dreams!!

Secret Lovers Lane Resolutions and Masturbation for the Soul

Like most people I think, I've been trying to start the New Year off on the right foot. Eating better, exercising (trying to get to the gym-does that count?), working harder, more organized and keeping the house cleaner.....well I am so damn exhausted from trying to keep my basic New Years Resolutions that I have been passing out early and not being able to blog......

Resolutions are big for me because it gives my life some focus. So what am I resolving?

1-Not let the frogs get me down. Many of the frogs are selfish to the extent that they only really think about their dick. And I know that is what cheating is about BUT hey, you gotta stick it somewhere right?? I always think about what the other person is feeling and always try to accommodate their needs as well. Well, in the bed....I still plan to do that but outside of the bed..I need to look at what I want too. IT sounds confusing but its more of a me focus in finding Mr, Married Prince Charming, I guess less bending over backwards outside of the bedroom.

2- Better choosing. So far, when I see an issue at the beginning with a frog. I have been right. So I guess go more with my gut on choosing a man.

3-Get out when I feel the lily pad sinking. In an affair, when the lily pad starts to sink, it ain't coming back up especially if the affair is pretty new. So jump the pad before all the crap hits!

4-Look outside of the computer. Well, you know I find my frogs on Ashley Madison mostly. And since I don't believe in mixing business and pleasure...I've stayed away from looking in the real world. However, I am going to get out there more and keep my eyes open.

5-Concentrate on my sexual list. I want to try new things this year. I definitely want to be tied up and blindfolded...first thing on the list. Been offered a lot of threesomes lately BUT I'm not ready for that just yet although the fantasies have been growing stronger on that one. But I definitely want to experiment with Fun sex this year. Different positions, Food and Sex, role playing and then of course....going a little bit more on the darker side...a little bit more risque. Hey you gotta try it in order to know if you like it or not..right?

So those are pretty much my Secret Lovers Lane resolutions. Simple but healthy and fun.

Personally, well I have a lot on that list and well I have been concentrating mostly on that list this week. I am actually seeing an old me emerge....and its kind of nice. A more focused and determined me. A more career minded me. A more independent me.

In a nutshell what I am finding is that the answer to all my problems is my CAREER!! Sadly, in order for me to reach my goals it stems down to money. Money is what is going to allow me to be independent and well, that's where my focus is going to be the next few months. Building my career, building my independence and getting my life in order. I actually see a light at the end of the tunnel...I need to follow it. Okay, the frogs are still in the pix. I heard from Springer
(I'll give ya an update) and Mr. Navigator.... yeah, I'll end up doing them!! lol

So.....I was sitting here deciding how I was going to put into words what I was feeling and I first checked my email. To my surprise, there was a movie as one of the attachments. And well, this was it. This movie is what I was feeling inside....my inner drive. Take a second and watch it. Its like the energy boost for the soul!! Soul Masturbation I guess!! www.212movie.com

Caution: This movie contains explicit soul energizing and may motivate you. Only watch if you want a little kick start to your day!!

Resolutions and he wants me, I want another and the other wants another..screw it!

Still working on my resolutions. Oh I made the usual ones....eat better, sleep better, exercise blah blah blah...more organized....blah blah blah.

But I think of the new year as a time to start over. Oh, this morning was the worse....no sleep, kids sick...not the way you want to start the work week. So I declared tomorrow the real start. Yeah, last night was the preview to the week (okay pacify me here!!)

I was thinking about something today. Why is it when you want someone, they always want another. And that person usually wants still another?? And then there are those that you want but you still want that other someone?? Is it the attainable?? Is it the chase and conquer that we all love so much??

I know, nothing to do with my resolutions. But a funny thing happened. I always tell you how divorce attorney still sends me notes. Well on New Years, I sent him a friendly Happy and Healthy (he was mobile). Last year, we were heating up at this time. I had sent him a pix of my tits with his name written in lipstick across my chest. He texts back...send me another pix this year. I told him no. He responded...okay, I guess I have to just keep looking at the one I have from last year. You still don't have that pix on your phone...I laughed. He sent it back to me...I almost fell off my chair. He still had that pix on his phone. "Meet me for lunch!!" I just laughed. He's such a lawyer (sorry lawyers out there but you know what I mean....his way, ego, mouth, persistent).

And then there is Computer Guy.....still sending me emails. Nice guy, even sent a new pix...but my heart or my body is not into it.

And then there are the ones I want. I know, I know. One--I don't know what his story is. And then there is...well we all know who I still hold that torch for...I think the feelings have gotten stronger this week..they were dying a little. but all of a sudden I see him on Ashley all the time and him wishing me a happy new year. But he's obviously communicating with someone back and forth on Ashley . Sigh....he is hooking up with someone else. Nothing I can do, just wish it were me.

All right.....back to more important things like my resolutions!! Did you make any fun ones??? Can I steal them or maybe we can work on them together?