Phone Sex and A Twist of Fate

I have had phone sex before but nothing like this. Something about DigEm makes my heart sing. He totally fulfills my void and we have such a strong connection. Just closing my eyes and hearing his voice makes my heart explode (and gets the juices flowing)...for 36 minutes and 10 seconds....we were in heaven. It was if he was there with me,his sexy voice just soooooo delicious. He takes me to places that I can't always get to. His words blanket me, I can feel our deep connection.

so hard to explain....but I was mentally somewhere else. Being so horny, I closed my door and began to play with my clit. Hearing him tell me what he would do to me, how he wanted to suck all my juices...how he would lick my clit doing circles...mmmm...I can't tell you how fast I came. And then, out came the big vibrator....imagining it was him, DigEm whispering in my ear.....oh my! It was a record orgasm....rarily can I have an orgasm vaginally but today, my entire legs started to shake. I felt like I just had hours of sex..and I felt so goood. Man, what he can do to me. and its because its a mental connection. He is sincere with his words, he means them with his heart. They are deep, they are intense....they are what I need.

I went out and was floating as I did my errands. He called again. Baby, I am floating. Wow, hee.hee. Exactly what I had been thinking. HEAVEN, I told him, Bryan Adams song HEAVEN is all that keeps floating through my mind. Today, the phone sex was as good as if he was there with me, who would have believed that.

Okay, here is an interesting twist of fate. I hate when frogs conveniently pop in and out of my life...AND even more ones that I trusted who just take off. Well, guess who called me today....Mr. Podcaster. Yeah, it was him that left the message that he was going to be here for Labor Day Weekend. Some kind of concert he is covering for his show. So, am I suppose to drop everything? I felt so damn close to him..how dare he just re-appear like that. Funny, we've never met--but we were so close. I don't feel that way anymore, I felt betrayal...So do I meet him tonight? He already is here. I am working tonight doing something for one of my new clients. I told him to meet me at a restaurant near there after I finish up. Wish this would have been months ago..I would have really been into this. Part of me tells me that I should tell him to fuck off.....but we were really close....I hate these frogs sometimes!!

Have a great weekend.....Stay Safe!

Why People Wander

Went to lunch just now with my girlfriend and we sat and discussed life. Going through our friends, we tried to figure out who is happily married. From 20 couples, we can up with 2. Divorce seems to be in the air. Two of our neighbors have began their divorce just this summer. 3 friends are having affairs (well its actually 6--she doesn't know about me and two other friends).

And in conclusion......you grow apart. People change and start to go in opposite directions. Some marriages have anger, disappointment and the distance just gets further and further apart. Many of our friends feel like they are suffocating. You start out as one person and change as the years go by. Does it make you a bad person? I don't think so.

Most people I talk to who wander.....have tried to work on their relationships but they don't get anywhere. Most people are emotionally deprived. Most people would go back to their spouses if they would just show them some affection and respect. I think people have affairs from neglect and desperation.

Digem says that I am the sweetest,most caring soul. That I make him feel like a million dollars. He deserves it. He makes me feel so good. Always telling me how amazing I am, always complimenting me.....I appreciate his kind words more than i can say...."you treat me like a princess" I tell him. "no,I treat you like the special person that you are".we can't be there for each other physically but emotionally we are helping each other by being there.

Okay, enough babbling. Got a really strange call today. The phone caller said "I am going to be in your area Friday night. Please get out to make plans to meet me". And that was it. The guy hung up. I have no idea who that is. The voice was low and hard to make out. Which frog was it? I could hardly hear him on the cell. Who ever it is is calling back at 1:00PM and wants to meet at 7:00. Very strange...

A Healthy Resolution....My Fire is Re-Lit!

He text this morning....his good morning. My heart was a little empty this morning,not exactly sure what the day would bring. I knew we had to talk, I didn't answer his text. He text again to see if I was okay. I called him. We spoke like friends, like nothing was wrong..but there was a hesitation--we were treading on thin ice. Finally, I broke the ice....what was yesterday? We both knew it had to be discussed.

And so we did. And, we have an amazing friendship. It's our foundation. No anger, no frustration...just two people opening up their hearts and being honest with each other. WOW, this was amazing. We listened to each other, we talked it out. We told each other what we felt......and we resolved the issue. Two friends, two lovers...talking sensibly, expressing our feelings...quite honestly...all relationships should be like what we just had. It was so damn healthy! It felt amazing.

He doesn't want to hurt me and realistically we can't see each other that much. I just told him what he did and said hurt more. I think we both realized how the other felt. In conclusion.... we are a balancing scale. There are going to be a few issues on one side of the scale (other frogs, other lovers, distance) but on the other side our connection and our desire and respect for each other certainly outweight the other side. So, we are back on track. Actually, we are even better than we were before. I appreciate him so much. I can't tell him how much enough times in a day. I have sooooo much love to give....and he makes me happy. I wwawnt him to know how special he is 24/7 because he makes me feel so special. Not just as a lover..but as a friend, as a soulmate as my re-fueling of the heart.

So, I don't know when we will see each other. But our emails and texts throughout the day keep me smiling.

I had a meeting today with someone very close to the family. It was business but she knows a lot about my private life. She looked at me today and she smiled. I said what? She said that she had seen me 7 months ago...and she was concerned. The spark and desire that usually exists in my eyes had been gone. That I physicaly looked good but the sadness was so deepin my eyes. And today? She said there was a spark that light was re-lit. Funny, I am still sick, I had no makeup on and physically I am so rundown. Last time, I had my makeup on and was in my suit. Yet, she was able to see the spark again and said I look better. I just laughed....Come On, Look at Me?!?!

No, something brought the spark back to your life and your soul. So very interesting. Yes, Mystery Man re-lit my spark. when we were seeing each other people kept saying that something was different about me. And now, I am content again. The combination of DigEm, The BusinessGuy and MySpace Attorney has re-lit the spark. Funny how people can see an inner peace, funny how some people can look into your eyes and see in your soul. Affairs may not be moral but when you have such a deep hole, they are good for the inner soul.

A Crappy Day In Frog Land!

Distance is sooo hard. What starts out as a few honest words can be dragged out to a whole day of drama. DigEm and I had a crappy day today. Email is lacking emotion and leaves so much for interpretation and many times the wrong interpretation. I was trying to say that our agreement to see other people sometimes hurts me. Especially when I know when he is fucking someone else. Let's be realistic...if you knew that the person you wanted to be with was so far away and that you knew from 5PM-7PM on Thursday, they were meeting and fucking someone....how would you feel?

Well it makes me nuts. I am actually jealous that it is not me in his arms. I was saying how I have been seeing these other guys but they are not him, we don't have the connection likeI have with him and I wonder if I am seein them just so that I don't feel like I am pressuring us right now. I knmow that if he was here, I would just want him.

So me trying to explain that, he comes back with "if I am making you sad and upset, then we have to stop". Well the thought of losing him, makes me really upset so now he is making me not just a little jealous/frustrated but now I am upset, sad, feel emptiness in my heart and I begin to cry.

And the emails going back and forth were just getting more and more depressing. A situation that face to face would have been solved with one hug...is now turning into an avalanche...neither one of us getting across what we mean. Body language, touch, eyes, expression not being a part of a discussion that it is so desperately needed in.

So, both of us exhausted and drained. And now I am feeling empty. If he was here right now, I would just reach out and wrap his arms around me. I would look into his eyes and everything would be fine. I would brush my hand against his cheek and kiss his lips so softly...then I would cuddle with him. Its touch that could have solved this and its so hard for us to do that.

So we are left to open interpretation of typed words. I am sadder than I was before the whole conversation started. I am feeling like I am not so important to him. I am feeling like he would dump me if he could. I need re-assurance....he is not giving it to me. The question is, does he not want to re-assure me because he's looking for an out OR does he not realize that I need the re-assurance right now?

Not sure....but all I know is that I will be closing my eyes tonight feeling an emptiness in my heart. I feel like I am losing a part of me tonight....left unresolved.

A connection of souls is so damn fulfilling when things are good yet so empty when they are bad. Sigh.....I broke the rules, I called tonight. I knew his wife wasn't around but he didn't pick up. Don't think I did anything right tonight....do I forge ahead or retreat?

Monday Secret Lovers Lane Update

Quick Update:

Wow its been too long. Sorry! Quite frankly its been really quiet. I've been feeling under the weather and swamped with work. I have 5 clients now...its insane. Now I need the money from them....they are all unfortunately in the planning stage which is the most work for me but the compensation doesn't come till later.

Hubby is acting like nothing happened. Except I do see he is trying a smidge more which I am glad. It makes it more tolerable here than when he is miserable. I call him Archie Bunker sometimes as he goes off on a rant. but these last few days have been okay. I am not in love anymore, I cannot see living like this forever but its better than it was last week....

DigEm and I are going along so great. He makes me happy. He fills that void in my heart. emotionally and mentally...we are on the same page. Two peas in a pod! Unfortunately, we are physically so far away from each other.
We snuck a call at midnight last night....he was out and pulled into a parking lot, I was outside on my deck staring at the stars. we were truly secret lovers just sharing our day, feelings, desires. He's amazing. I feel a calm inside of me. Sadly we both have such passion and we are both married to people who do not. We are like two little lovebirds when we are talking....my heart just overflows with compliments for him because he just makes me feel so good.

So that I find myself not getting upset that he is far away...I have been chatting with men on myspace.

I met a Mafia Man on MySpace. I am trying to keep a distance...but he is quite persistent. Whatever you wish is my command....he says my eyes and smile melt him. He even admitted to jerking off to my picture.....Honestly, he's not my type. I am going to start easing my way out of that one. We spoke for two hours this weekend and well, he reminds me of the Sopranos. Houses all over, doesnn't exactly work, very flashy...if I wanted a Sugar Daddy, he would be it.

Businessman is on vacation this week. We will meet again when he gets back but honestly our schedules were both crazy this past week. Same with the attorney..he's very dry, very serious but he is drawn to my humor. I make him smile and its very few who do.

Found myself thinking about two important frogs this week who were my closest friends--always thought they would be something but they are gone. Tadpole and Podcaster. Quite frankly, I miss their friendships. But I am glad they were there for me when they were. Miss ya but I do understand the departures.

BORING huh? Yeah, life has been boring this week. Didn't want to contaminate a frog with my cold!! And Mystery Man, I sent him a note....I do miss him. He read it, no response...I would have liked closure. I keep remembering our last time together....I had no idea it was over but I did something I've never done before...he was walking out and I was sitting on the bed...I said "hey, come here for a minute"...he walked back in...and he knew I wanted a kiss...we held each other and kissed again...I rubbed his check and said have a great week....and we hugged and kissed again....

I had no idea that was my closure kiss.....funny, any other time, i wouldn't have remembered our last kiss....this one just stood out because him standing in the doorway made me so already miss him. I guess the sun shining on him and him turning looking at me with a sweet smile and michievous eyes is a great last memory....

You know the Bon Jovi Song...Wanna Make a Memory? Makes me smile so much......

I can't listen to Lips of Morphine or Lips of an Angel without sadness.....but Nasty Bitch does make me laugh. We had a cd that we played over and over each time..it was hot...the songs were dripping....now its hard for me to listen to them..its mixed..I get a rush of our passion and hot sex....but then the sadness that it is gone.

Oh well.....tomorrow is another day.....yup...the beginning of the week (well it already started) Hopefully is will be agreat one for all of us!!

To My Favorite Reader.....Stalin

Ironically, you have no email or way to be reached. For someone who is so disgusted with my life.....what makes you comeback? why are you drawn to me? Did you ever ask yourself why you have such a hatred inside of you?

How perfect that you picked Stalin as your name. A man who was cruel, hated and was never loved by anyone. Interesting choice of a name to choose. A man who hurt millions, a man who drove his son to suicide. A man who had a heart of stone....

So dear Stalin, I don't hate you even though your words are meant as venom....the anger is so deep inside of you. You always manage to rear your head when I am at my weakest.

well darling....my life is dysfunctional....BUT I am a good person wtih a good heart. I am proud to have a truly good soul. I care about the world around me and the people around me care about me. I have a HUGE support system and I am quite successful and lucky for my life.

It's you I feel bad for. Such hatred.....you should let it go before it eats you alive.....

xoxoxo
Cheri

PS I always thought men from Texas were soooo much more nicer...

Did I dream it?

As if I said nothing....as if we didn't even have the altercation in the driveway. He walked in and has said nothing. Went to the dinner, ate, went down to watch tv. Spoke to me like I never freaked...

Hmmmm....did I dream it all? No...but this is going to go on forever. He is not going to let it me go. Not going to fix it but not going to let me go either.

Geez......

And if you have nothing nice to say...didn't your momma teach you not to say it. If you ain't feeling that void, you won't understand....I can take contructive criticism and advice from friends...but meanies will be deleted....

I don't want to be married to you anymore!

Bounced checks, overdrawn accounts, fighting and taking my keys so I was late for an iimportant meeting (an accident that happens all the time). Threatening to take days off from work (bringing in less money)........it was coming, it was coming....

"Why don't you take the rest of your life off. In fact, I don't want to be married to you anymore. Do you hear me? I have had enough, I can't take another minute...." I exploded.

And this time, he believed me I think. He hasn't come home, he hasn't called. This might be the end. Part of me feels some relief to have said those words. Part of me is petrified since I am already so in debt. But the reality that we both knew was finally put into words.

"I don't want to be married to you anymore".

And so the drama has begun.

MySpace Friends Are eh

FLAT...yeah, that's the MySpace connections. They aren't really great emailers or romancers. I like the Ashley guys better...they seem to have a way with giving good email!

Nothing moving in any direction with the myspace guys. we go back and forth by email but no earth shattering, lustful words worth mentioning. I wonder if its because I have connected with DigEm so well. DigEm and I are two peas in a pod. We think a like, our morales are alike, our sense of humor is alike. I can talk to him for hours and hours and still not get enough of him. We both have a passion within us. A passion that is stifled by our spouses. Distance is so great, its not realistic. But I am going to make an attemtpt to go to him in two weeks. I need to see him. I need to feel him....I want his lips....yummy!!

I've been a little under the weather. Bad cold, bad headache and no energy. Also fighting a bit of depression I think. I need a little break by myself. A getaway...no family, husband or frogs. Just me and my thoughts....

The Myspace Meeting

I met the myspace guy again. This is the businessman one. I don't know... I think he's a myspace flirt. Doesn't matter but I just don't like to be played...he's on there a lot for someone who supposedly hasn't really met snyone from there that he liked.

Anyway, I was exhausted..end of the day, no makeup and I felt all sweaty. Not the most attractive look but I wanted to meet him. We met in a local parking lot. His windows are totally tinted so no one can see anything.

We sat and talked and I don't know if its good or bad but we talked about work. What he does, etc.... I wasn't feeling super sexual with him. He's cute, I like him, I like talking to him....but I don't feel that wooosh....LOL With Mystery Man, I couldn't wait to suck him, feel him, attack him. with Digem, I can't wait for his lips to touch me......with myspace guy...its nice...I like it..something is missing on our connection. I am not sure what it is.....I think I am into brains these days...he's smart but he's more looks....(did I just say that...I want to just fuck a brain?--lol)

Anyway, he was certainly into me....his cock was standing straight up within his pants and it was harder than a rock....I went down on him...licking and sucking....mmmmmm.....it was good...didn't last long because he was so excited..in fact, as he was cumming I didn't realize he was there already and I 1/2 swallowed and the rest shot all over and dripped out of my mouth....we both were laughing.

Now, I was so damn wet...horny beyond belief...he fingered me and I got wet but I didn't cum. I would have liked if he finished me off but we didn't have time...so I left.....very horny and wet. I came home and finished myself. It didn't take much, a few circles, I was drenched..I could feel it dripping out of me..and I felt the shivers throughout my body...... ahhhhh.....much better.

So, that's it....we've spoken online since then. It's kind of flat. Not sure where it is going. The myspace lawyer is very attentive and I will be meeting him next week for lunch again. He's such a gentleman in contrast to the other myspace lawyer who was hysterical. He contacted me again....."Change your mind yet?" hee.hee He has a good sense of humor. We talked a little and I like him but he's after just fucking. I can see myself only getting hurt there even though he is so damn hot. He actually found some of the hottest women on myspace (he made 8 more friends). I am not surprised...he's really a great looking guy. I hope they know what he is about.



And then tonight I see this story.... WOMAN GETS PROBATION FOR PUBLIC SEX.....
YIKES! So how many of us would be in trouble here?!?!

FARGO, N.D. - A woman has pleaded guilty to having sex in a public place, with a man who allegedly wore a kilt and exposed himself to passing vehicles.

Chandra Schaefer, 20, of Fargo, was accused of having sex with Nathan Blair, 24, of Moorhead, Minn., on a car and then near a pine tree in late July.

Blair has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and fornication.

Schaefer was given a year of unsupervised probation and ordered to pay $300 in fines and fees.

And the Drama Continues.....

You know the summer is starting to come to an end when your friends who were away at their summer homes start returning. Yeah, the summer is coming close to an end....quite honestly, I didn't even see any of it. I definitely need to take a day or two to relax with the kiddies and enjoy it. Hard when the hubby bounces checks again...yup, he steals the checks, writes them and hopes that I will cover them....always blind sides me. It's absolutely insane. The knot that is in my chest right now....I can't even explain it. I wish I knew what I could do....I am beginning to feel defeated.


Well Mandy is back in town. She came over last night and we just sat and laughed for hours. She is funny. She thinks because she is not online looking, technically she is not really cheating because it finds her. What!?!? She's a pissa!


She came to my house....we flirted online for a little bit with myspace man and then her fling called. She hasn't seen him in 2 months. She left and I continued to talk to myspace man....next thing I know (maybe 15 minutes later) she called...I'm done, coming back. Huh?! So I said to my space man....she's done? What? She's done? Did she even stop her car? I don't know..


They met, they kissed.....he felt, she felt, she sucked...2 minutes later....it was over...a kiss and on the road.... Wow...I was honest with her...that wouldn't be enough for me.


DigEm and I had a great conversation today. My heart just jumps when I see that he is on the phone. He just makes me feel so great....the damn distance....so difficult.

As predicted, the attorney bought credits...can I take you all out to lunch on $27.50...? Okay, I did something even worse..he sent his picture and I wrote..sorry dear, you aren't my type...lol This was yesterday.

Today, he sent me a text. Wanna see you tonight? What? He is kidding right? Does he think I am at his call or have such little respect for myself? "Sorry, got plans..I wrote". He wrote back...."how about a quicky?" Okay, you have a quicky with someone you know and are sleeping with regularly,, not the first meeting. so I wrote back..."sorry baby, want more than what you are offering. Got plans with a real gentleman tonight"! Asshole....buy yourself a prostitute.

The day went on and I felt bad. I am such an idiot. But it was out of character for me to be such a bitch. I called. He was hurt and apologized for being a dick. Okay, we parted as friends. I told him, I hope you find what you are looking for....i am just not it. So sad, he was so damn hot and we would have had fun. But I couldn't stand the way he made me feel. Oh well.....

I met businessman myspace again tonight.....details to follow tomorrow....

Sexually Charged and Horny

Mondays are my favorite....the frogs come out of the ponds to play.....and today was fun!


Okay so what is it with attorneys? I am amazed at their attitudes. Cocky and abrasive is pretty much the best way to explain it. used to getting what they want and bulldozing in......Right now, there are three attorneys on my plate. Yup, divorce attorney is back. He wants me to meet him again. Well I thought the ultimatum of shit or get off the pot (and the fact that I got off the pot) was the end to us. But he reappeared yesterday claiming he can't stop thinking of me.


Now the new attorney...is an exact replica of him. The same crude and abrasive mouth....dirty talk and yet in some ways enticing. I had that with the weirdo who attacked me in the train station (another lawyer who thought it was okay to go up my skirt in the restaurant and finger me in the ass on the platform)....


Well this one is suave....he is on a mission. Wifey is out of town so he was relentless today to get me wet...and well he succeeded. I was dripping from our conversation...so much so that I had to go upstairs and masturbate. While he was on the phone with me, I fingered myself until I climaxed.....mmmmmmm...I so needed it. He was so excited that I did it with him on the phone. It was pretty hot.....but he pushes and pushes and pushes....quite honestly in one way he turns me off...in another he turns me on. His cock looks huge (he shared a pix) and he did the sweetest thing (you know I am a sucker for sweetness)....I told him "listen, I am not a score for your mission this week...find someone else for the week and get back to me next week. you have 11 friends to choose from on myspace...go play". that afternoon I go back to his myspace and I am the only one up there. He removed all his friends and wrote...my only friend on myspace~~~ he's suave!! But then he disappeared...tonight..

Where did he go? He's a DOG!! lol And I am so glad I found out how devious he is....

I was talking to him about having an affair and I told him about Ashley Madison. He had asked me about me other affairs....so I said I meet the men on this website that is for married people looking. Now, I didn't have to tell him but the reality is...we are nothing and well let him play..he's hot, really hot, powerful, cocky BUT there was something underlying.....I think its the fact that he talks like I am a dirty whore and he's devious. You know how I get vibes from people...a red flag went up with him.

So I did something funny and devious. I knew when I gave him the information about Ashley so I checked my log. A man in his area signed up within minutes of the email I sent him. Now I knew it was him. I've never done this before...but I had to see what was going on...went to the profile and boom...its him. He was like a kid in the candy store...he was on Ashley searching all night into the morning.

In fact, remember the other account I have on Ashley....he sent a wink to that account. I don't really care except admit it to me...admit you are a player and want to have fun. Not make it like I am the only thing that matters....hee.hee.... okay, I did something bad. I sent a wink back. So what's wrong with that? He has to join to contact me now...which means he has to pay money...which means....I get my affiliate percentage. So, I am going to make money on him and I get to play with him...

Do I feel bad? Nah....he's sleezy....he deserves it. And honestly, he's so smooth, he will get a bunch of women on the site....and hurt them. Too bad there isn't a conference area to exchange notes on guys.......hmmm...that is giving me an idea....the money signs are going off in my head!!

Have a great day!!

Positive Thinking and the Frogs

Positive thinking....positive thinking...positive thinking... Have you ever seen the DVD The Secret or read the book? I just read the book and while there are some really great theories in there, its a hard thing to incorporate into my life. The bottom line is that we are all magnets and everything that happens to us is attracted to us based upon our thoughts. So if you are thinking negative, all negative will happen to you.... positive....and you can have whatever you want.

Now this is where it is losing me...it says not to wish but act like you already have these things and they will be drawn to you even more. So if you want that convertible.....think you have it already, go test drive it. etc. etc.

So I am trying to do this. And I am all positive and I go downstairs to turn on my washing machine and its raining in my basement. Hmm....a pipe burst or something....so I am shocked., running around like a crazy lady shutting off water connections, climbing into the crawl space looking for the problem. etc. etc. Needless to say, my finished basement is looking pretty bad. Okay, I didn't want this nor was I even thinking about this.....so what the fuck??!

Ahh...but then my crazy friend came over....she just looked at me and began laughing so ...hard. I had plaster in my hair, I had dirt all over my face......."oh this is a new look for you!" both laughed. so where is the positive? I have been bitching about cleaning out the basement for weeks...now granted, I have water to deal with and now a gross smell...but my basement is finally clean.....ok, I'm trying here with this positive shit....lol

Sexually? I am busy, busy, busy flirting online. Actually, I am playing with three men on myspace right now. And from a personality standpoint they are all so different. I haven't named them yet.....two attorneys and one businessman. I met 1 attorney and the businessman...I liked them very different... And the other attorney....absolutely hot, great conversation but he's on a mission...his wife is going out of town this week and he is determined to get laid. He has been racking in the friends on myspace...3 new potentials. What does it mean when a guy is into older women? He's 36 but everyone is older that he looks at. He's into women in their mid to late 40's. I don't think that's my thing. Not sure what that means....

Okay, a note just came in from the lawyer and the businessman......I like Mondays. As for Digem...things are still great. Just so hard because of the distance.....I need local play toys because it doesn't hurt then.

Gotta get to work.......have a great day!! Remember positive thinking!!!!!!

A Pond Of Frogs, I should be hopping

Narcisstic?! ME?!? Oh my...Stalin obviously doesn't get it....INSECURE MORON is more like it. I wasn't trying to brag about the number of men.....I was trying to prove a point...that it doesn't matter how many men its the right one that would make the difference. Not the numbers.....yeah, I am such the bed notch type of women......(I am talking about Stalin;s comment to the last post)....Go Away Stalin, you wait for me to be vulnerable and down and then you pounce...I kind of feel bad for you....such built up hatred...

Has anyone read or seen the dvd "The Secret". I am trying really hard to get into it but its not an easy read. The concept "We are magnets in this universe and whatever we think is drawn to us....positive or negative" As a person who believes in Action....I am having a hard time with this. My philosophy in life has always been if you work for it, you can get it. this philosophy is you don't have to work for it...just believe you already have it..positive energy brings whatever you want. I have to continue reading it.....but I am certainly having a hard time with that.

And I am relatively a positive person....anyone have success with it?

I am surprised and worried...I have not been horny in over a week. A very unusual event for me. No masturbation, no rollercoaster.....this week I have been flat...and not due to a lack of men (and I am not being cocky here with that statement). I had a crazy week of men where all of them seemed to resurface this week. Soulmate Chris,, Mr. Springer, Fireman, Divorce Attorney, Navigator, Mr. Prize, CG, the Surgeon, and then of course the two new guys and DigEm. So shouldn't I be feeling overly happy with all this attention? I am not....wish I knew why. But something was in the damn air!! And my Ashley account was going wild!

So here's a great story.....I met this guy on married secrets. We became just friends (we had people in common and we weren't each others types). Anyway, we became really great friends. He came to me two weeks ago....wife was away for a week and he wanted to play. He had just gotten out of something with a 25 year old (he's 50!!) Anyway, I helped him with his Ashley Madison profile.....basically what I look for in a man. Within a week.....three woman...met two and has this great connection now with one of them. they spent almost a whole week in bed...

So maybe there is a matchmaking consultant job I can find. You know how there are people who consult you to get a job, people who consult you to get into colleges,,,,,I should be an secrt lover affair consultant....do you think that exists? Would I charge by the successful affair? How many times they fuck? LOL Well I got my finders fee with him....he took me out to lunch when they first made contact. Now, he's too busy in bed...

Have a great weekend!

The Mood

Both Scarlett and Rosie are soooo right on with their comments to my last post. thanks gals!!


I went walking this morning.....and tried to clear my head. Get away from the situation and try to examine what I am feeling. I do have choices...I have a lot of choices in front of me. Scarily, I added it up and I can call 8-10 men.....and I have a meeting with any one of them. I'm not being cocky when I say that....just going through the frogs and which ones I am on good standing with and who have offered themselves recently.


However, the reality is that I am in search of something else. It's not just sex....its not a marriage commitment either....its someone who makes me feel whole. And the person would have to be a really great friend, someone I can laugh and joke with and enjoy being with, someone who is compassionate and can really be my friend and me his. Someone who I am sexually attracted to and think he is soooo hot, someone who gives me room to be me and enjoys me and someone that is close to my area. Quite honestly, I haven't found anyone that truly fits those criteria. MYstery Man was close but he wouldn't give that friendship. Dig-em is perfect but the distance is too much for anything serious. I can go on and on...each one is something else.


So I guess after meeting two men yesterday.....the first that he was too intense and I felt he could be very difficult. And then the second one, who was not exactly my type (he was hot though--but I go for a different type)......he kissed great....he had potential...his voice annoys me a little...


So that is why I was sad. I think the fact that I have so many options yet none are the full option I need. the feeling that I will search and search and the right frog is not there for me. Granted I am having fun searching but sometimes the search is so time consuming and empty.


Digem and I were on the phone this morning...he is so damn cute...we are definitely two peas in a pod. So I wonder, should I have married someone like that? I mean we laugh and sing and joke all the time. I have so much fun....

Two Dates In One Day

I seem to be at a crossroads right now. Today I tried an experiment. I decided to meet both men from my space--one for lunch, the other for afternoon coffee. I got along with both of them and quite honestly, they both asked me out again. I was a breath of fresh air and fun for one and the other one said he thought I was amazing and filled with passion.

so I should be floating right? I'm not...can't get excited about these meetings anymore. Seems like I always find the ones that are afraid of any connection. I wait for the second shoe to fall. It seems to always come no matter what they say and promise.

Dig'em....the distance is horrible. An obstacle that I can't overcome here. If he was local, everyday would be a party. We would be like little kids giggling all the time. Like first lovers....I just enjoy him so much. I think part of me found these myspace men to cushion my heart with Dig-Em. Cushion the second shoe falling since the cards are stacked against us. but then when we talk...we just laugh and laugh and laugh...its great.

Meeting #1- met at a nice restaurant. This guy is a high power guy. Yeah, one of those big swigs who is very serious and type A personality all the way. So my challenge, to make him smile and laugh...and come on...you know me...I had him laughing hysterical. Pulled him right in with my sweet charm...hee.hee. I liked him. He was nice, kinda cute....was into his power a lot. But I know my wall needs to be very high with him. He's ruthless. I can tell...I know his type well, don't cross them. So I will take this one very cautiously. A thank you for lunch and a kiss good by (peek on the lips). As we pulled away, I yelled out my window...better wipe that lipstick of your lips.....he answered...nope I want to taste you for as long as I can.....he's suave.

Meeting #2- down to earth and very nice. A potential more realistic meeting here...beautiful blue eyes.....I felt so comfortable with him. we drank our ice coffee and talked and laughed. I enoyed his company a lot. And he obviously enjoyed mine because I could see his cock was as hard as a rock......we were talking and then he reached over and kiss me...it was really nice. He must of text me a hundred times after our meeting. I want to keep it distant a little...he was so cute. As he said...I wouldn't do this unless the girl was worth it. Guess I am worth it!

So, I should be floating right? I'm not. I don't know what it is. I am looking for something that I have a feeling does not exist. Of course, it doesn't help that hubby starts pawing at me when I get home. I rush in make dinner, take care of the kids, everything in record time. ThenI had someone coming for construction estimate. He just walks out of the house and its 3 hours later, no where to be found. .

It's getting bad here.....its been building and something is going to give...not sure what though but something is going to give...I feel it starting to come to a head. sigh..

So that was my day. Two dates in one day.....and i thought I would be totally happy....

Rollercoaster Ride

Life can be a rollercoaster sometimes.....okay, everyday is a rollercoaster for me...

Dig-Em and I had great text the rest of the weekend. Today, something went wrong. He brought something up and well....it didn't go very well. Without getting into details...it was about a past relationship he had and how he had happened to talk to her today. How great their conversation was.....hmmmmm..........I don't do well with that. You see, this is where the spoiled brat in me comes out. We were together this weekend...you could have told me you spoke to her on Thursday.....today, I expected you to tell me how much you missed me and wanted me and couldn't wait to see me again. Oh he said it....but it was a little too late.

I took that as a sign that he wanted to make sure that I wasn't thinking we were exclusive...which is fine. Distance is an issue. But don't, don't do that to me like that. Be open, let's talk it out....don't take that childish approach. yes, the tsunami in me was coming...I could feel it inside my chest.

We spoke later and well I told him how I felt. Quite honestly, I told him we should see other people too. We are too far apart for an exclusive affair......and quite frankly its the old goose and gander thing in my book. I am not going to sit back like I have in the past and wait for him. We need to be mature adults and realistic. no pressure and when it stops feeling good...we part. That's what I told him.

His reaction? Well, he wasn't crazy about knowing about other men. but as I pointed out...if he goes to my blog, he's going to know and he comes to my blog everyday for over a year. So we are in a little dilemna.

i have come to the conclusion that I have a problem with the Ashley Madison and myspace. It's too easy for me to jump on and find someone....as soon as he upset me....poof....I go on a search. My heart is afraid to be hurt...my ego is bruised. I need to fill that void...so, I sent out 4 new friend requests on myspace.

To my surprise, I got 4 new friends.....LOL So now here is my question.....is everyone cheating or is everyone on myspace also looking? I requested 4 new friends today, spoke to all 4 of them...and two of them asked me out already....yes, they are married. Wow, I was surprised.

then Dig-em called me on my way home. We spoke and cleared the air. I told him how I felt and I need it to be an open relationship right now. Gotta protect this heart of mine.....but I have to tell you....our sense of humors are both warped. we go off on tangents and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I mean, you can't imagine the weird things that make us both laugh. I tell him he's afraid of the letter I...... so I call him and just scream "I" into the phone (because Love You is okay but I love you is death!!). Other stupid things.....when we don't see eye to eye...I say Listen Yang....(get it Ying and Yang)...

okay, I am warped...but I do enjoy him tremendously.....Just snuck outside to say goodnight to him. I am sitting in the dark on my deck whispering to him......I felt like a little teenager again...giggling and whispering......damn, I wish he was closer.

Okay, off to bed...I am exhausted...sweet wet dreams!!

Dig'Em and I finally met...the secret lover rendezvous

We met....it was amazing!!

This is a hard post to write because I know he will be reading it but I am always true to my blog and he knows that and he actually wants me to write what I want. He doesn't feel its fair for me to hold back....so I am going to tell you our meeting....

I pulled up and he looked just like his pix....we were both nervous but it was a good nervous. I start to blush...all of a sudden I am really shy.....we start to kiss....we hug...it felt so damn good. we needed to get out of the parking lot.....

Now it was strange in a way.....I think because of our emotional attachment. It was weird looking into his eyes and seeing him live. He felt the same....I can't explain it. We wanted each other so bad yet...it was as if our minds couldn't comprehend the person we had such a connection with....was sitting in front of us.

We are both pleasers and get off from pleasing someone else...which can cause a few issues when you both want to please the other....so it took us a little to get acclimated....but we did compromise. Oh boy did we compromise!!

First, to my surprise, no one had ever gotten dressed in sexy lingerie for him. So....I sent him a text the day before---red, black or leopard? He chose leopard!! So, in my leopard bra, fishnet stockings and garter belt and my leopard thong with black high heels....i think he was flattered that I took the time to get dressed special just for him.

Well compromising began and I gave in first.....I allowed him to eat me out BUT only if he let me taste him first.....mmmm..... He knows how to use that tongue and those lips and those fingers...I just lied there and let myself be taken away until the rush came over me.....he was determined to make me cum and he did...boy did he. My body shook and I could hear myself moaning.

He was still a little nervous...well I don't know if it was nervous but anxious. I insisted that I wanted to please him. I wanted to suck his cock and enjoy it.....mmmm....I love sucking cock and when his started to grow in my mouth it was heaven.......I could have licked and sucked him for hours...

I leave my phone on during my meetings. I know, you must be thinking WHAT?!? but I have responsibility and while I would love to escape them all....I can't total disconnect. A call came in...that was really important and upsetting to me. But you all know that I am used to dealing with issues on my own....I'm always on my own....I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, Digem heard that I was stressing and he came over and put his arms around me while I was on the phone. I layed my head in his arms and he held me tight as I was dealing with the problem. I can't tell you how amazing that was. I can't even tell you what that felt like to me.....I wasn't alone. For the first time, I was being comforted by someone during a stressful situation.....it was like a revelation..

When I got off the phone....the day took another turn. We totally connected on a different level. The nervousness left, the openness was there even more and the connection was even more intense. We lied down and our naked bodies were entwined and we talked and he held me and we cuddled. We kissed with a passion that I swear I could feel electricity go through my body. Slow and sensual....it was so damn hot. I could feel the wetness increasing in between my legs and my body yearning for him. He felt it too because the kisses made him hard again....man, I never realized how a kiss could cause such a reaction to both our bodies.

We played some more, we couldn't stop kissing each other...it was as if our connection refueled both of us. I never felt such passion before...it was really unbelievable. The five hours flew by...yeah five hours and we couldn't separate....

Oh, you all know I am a nut...there wasn't enough time to joke around tons....we just had so much already on the agenda.....sex, oral sex, cuddling, kissing...I mean it took hours....but we did get to lie there for a little. And, his sense of humor is as offbeat as mine. Which is hysterical because its as if we were feeding off of each other.......I don't know how but I was talking to his cock....I mean having my own personal conversation...then, his cock released some post cum and it looked like a mouth opening...without thinking a song came to my mind "Manamana". do you know it from sesame street? Well....all of a sudden I started his cock singing the song...he was dying...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC9FtLQJoGM

Okay, I am very off....but I couldn't help myself and honestly, he was very amused.
So, it was time to leave. So sad that I had to leave his arms. I felt an amazing connection that I really, really enjoyed. He's my friend, my lover and a person with an amazing heart of gold. Wow, he's a keeper.

So this afternoon, I am so damn content and feel in balance. My heart is singing again and filled with happiness. Distance is a problem But hopefully we will figure out a way to make this work. I love this feeling in my heart...and its actually great for my head as well....its as if my head is more focused and I am re-fueled. Wow.....I love secret lovers and secret rendezvous!

I didn't want to go right home...so conveniently, I met a friend after from Ashley Madison. We had decided that we weren't a romantic match but we were so much a like we enjoyed each others company. I am his confidant. Anyway, I will post about our dinner together (I hung with him while he was waiting for his own Ashley match today--hee.hee)

Getting Closer!!

I just got out of the bath and I am so relaxed. Every muscle is like jello right now. I love that after a full day.

confession time......after my last post. I couldn't concentrate. Mr, Long Distance Lover (Digem) was going through my head. My concentration is so bad sometimes when I am horny. Do you get that way too? If you cum, do you get more focused and productive? I do...

So, just sitting at the computer.....I began to think of my new lover....I put his pix up on the screen and I began to play with myself. It didn't take much.....I was so wet, the juices were flowing. I put my fingers inside and used the juices as lube for my clit...super wet.....some little circles and thinking about being with him...and all the muscles inside tightened. I wanted him....I wanted him so badly that I could almost feel him....with one finger inside.......I pressed on the walls and I could feel my whole body arch. To my surprise, I even let out a little moan. The rush that went through my head...the high.....mmmmmmm........

So, I felt so much better...more focused and ready to start my day....damn, I love new lovers. Such a great high it is....

Other frogs....still no word from Mystery Man. But honestly, I am okay with that. I am mad that he would just disappear like that.....I haven't thought of him in days. Navigator...he's moping. you see a high powered man like that is used to getting what he wants when he wants it. Sadly, Cheri is not into bending over backwards unless it is a position I want in the bedroom. So, he's moping. I didn't meet him today because--well honestly--I can't sleep with two men so close--within in a few days. And honestly, my mind is really into Mr. Long Distance Lover. So I told him---got a date.

He emailed me today with a sarcastic tone to it. "so how was that hot date you wouldn't cancel for me?" Now you all know that I am a pleaser. But I like to please because I want to please. I like to please when someone appreciates me pleasing them. Not one someone expects the world to please them.....Ididn't answer yet...I will wait till Monday.

Sweet Dreams!!

Anticipation of Our Secret Lovers Meeting

Wow! Saturday is almost here. The anticipation is killing me....I can't wait to attack him....Yummy!!

It is so bizarre that we have never met. I feel like I know him so damn well and we know each other forever. I can talk to him about everything in the world....its amazing. So I know for sure...at least for me....a mental connection is so damn important. A true friend with fringe benefits is what is key. So much is missing if you don't give your all...but I think my choice of Type A personalities--they don't like the feeling of out of control...it scares them.

Me personally...it makes me higher than high! Woo Hoo!

You know I get nervous with a first meeting. What happens if he doesn't like me? I know that insecurity is not attractive but this is the time my insecurities do come out. All my faults are on the table and there for the viewing. What happens if we don't connect? What happens if he doesn't like the way I taste or me the way he tastes? All these ridiculous thoughts go through my head...and you know me...I don't keep them to myself...I tell them all to him. He seems to laugh.

So, I just sent him an email.....no pity fucks allowed. If we don't like each other....we be honest and go play pool and have lunch. Do I think its going to play out like that? No fucking way...I get wet just thinking about him...BUT I would never want to be with a guy who wasn't attracted to me both mentally and physically....so its better to be open and honest right at the beginning....

Oh my.....I can't wait to touch him, to taste him, to feel him....to feel him inside of me.....I love this high!!!