Good Work Day, Sad Heart

Mr. Wants Me For My Brain is turning out to be a business partner rather than any sexual connection. Ironically, we haven't met yet he has already gotten me another client besides himself. I cannot complain, I can use the work but its so strange to be looking for a sexual connection and then he turns into a business associate. So Ashley Madison gets me another client! lol Wait, I want sex....I am almost turning asexual these days...better give Mr. Porsche a call..

Today was a flood of frogs. Texting going off every few minutes, calls coming in. I was actually a little overwhelmed since my workday is packed these days. Timing in life is everything. That guy on Ashley that hadn't answered me in so long and then he finally answered. Well he has been texting me all day....I thought you were going to text me. I see you don't keep your promise. And he called three times. GEEZ, so this is what a pain in the ass is.....WOW, Finally I typed back....You know you are quite high maintenance....lol I thought it was funny, I guess now I see why woman don't like that...but you said you were going to text...blah blah blah
Geez, he's clueless, even his texts are illiterate. Not my type. We are night and day. I need wit, I need sexy, I need intellectually stimulating...he's missing all those.

Felt bad today about Security Man. We've been in touch on and off but I know that was my fault. The sex was good but I don't know, for me its a reminder on one reason why I lost MM. I was watching Sex and the City Movie and was thinking...wow, he's my Mister Big. Yup....

So my career is going very well right now. Lots of money opportunities but there is that deep, deep void in my heart. Can you have that void filled, be sexually satisfied and have your career going very well? I don't know. Why was there such a brief period in my life where I was content? Where my heart woke up with a smile each day? I want those fuzzies, I want that romance, those flutters. I am okay on the outside but when my head hits that pillow, I felt a tear last night hit the pillow. I held the pillow tight and dreamed fell asleep with a slew of flashbacks that while they made my heart fill up, there was a sadness.

So now, there are potentials on the pond...but I am not excited about any specific one. It's not that wild, fun, exciting, mystery feeling....its so real. Mr Married Prince Charming....please find me soon!!

Some Phone Sex with my newest Ashley Madison Find

What an insane weekend. My computer totally crashed and the backup files were corrupt for many months. I have been up for 36 hours now trying to return my desktop. However, I went deep into my files and found so many frog pictures. Hot naked chests, big cocks, sexy faces....of course the faces I remember but I can't put all the cocks with the faces.....its like a puzzle...some hot looking cocks I just am not sure where they came from but they are still floating on my computer.

Which led me back to Ashley Madison for a couple of hours tonight. Mmmmm......I love flirting. Nothing like some innocent exchange of flirtation to get your blood boiling and your thoughts of another extramarital affair not too far on the horizon. I've been talking a lot to the Other State Guy, don't have a name for him yet. Not sure what I would name him. Into financials but based upon his location I think I am going to call him Mr. Heir. Why you may ask? He comes from one of the richest areas on the coast. He's an Heir that has a little bit of an air about him. Not sure what I am feeling about that. I like the real men. Someone in between where he has either a brain or street smarts about him. Don't get me wrong, he's down to earth but when you come from old money, there is an air about you.

However, I do know that his sexy voice is irrisistable (reminds me of Digem)
....mmmm.....hearing his voice makes me just want to cum. And I took the opportunity again today to have him call me and walk me through a masturbation session.....nothing like closing your eyes and listening to a hot man's voice telling you how to do circles on your clit...an then asking you to feel if you are wet...which if you weren't makes you instantly wet. Now use your wetness to lube up your clit to do those circles....mmmmm.......now imagine me teasing you...just putting my head at the tip of your pussy, about to go in, just going in to spread you and then pulling out....do you want me to go back in? Oh the visual is hot!! I LOOOOVVEEEE IT!!! With a few little teases, I can feel myself getting soaked and my muscles begin to pulsate.....ohhhhhh here comes that rush I love so much.....and with the tightening and the pulsations, the orgasm cums and I can hear myself moan.... oh he is pleased with himself (as so he should be)...working me up like that, with just his voice. Oh he did send me some pix of his cock.....very nice head. You know how I love that mushroom head. Perfection!! Cocks are so hot..each one so different, no two ever the same YET each one has its own sex appeal....and boy does my mouth water at the thought of wrapping my lips around one of them.

Okay, now I have to go back on Ashley again. I am determined to find a frog that has it all...the brains, handsome, quick witted, sexy, sexual, sensual.....oh....sometimes it feels like a needle inside a haystack but I am determined. Actually, I laugh.....it has to be Spring Fever. My two girlfriends who are on there are also in heat. Determined to find the right man. As you know, one is testing them all, the other has given herself a deadline....May 1st she wants a lover to go through the summer. Hmmm, I have no goal mentally but physically my body and lips are craving something.....and it ain't White Castle but it is meat!!

AND--I did add some of my favorite blogs that I stop by, I have been very lax with that....I am going to keep updating it for now on so keep checking it out!

Quadtuplet Potential Lovers with the Same Name

Tonight I went out with my friends. I am suppose to meet the man who wants me for my brains tomorrow to discuss work. I am definitely losing my touch or it could be I am losing my mind. He text me, I'll see ya around 2PM tomorrow, stay out of trouble.

Slightly tipsy, I decided to call...he's single, he was out with friends tonight and I hate texting sometimes. So I picked up the phone and called....didn't sound like his voice but I left a sweet and cute message. Two minutes later at the table, my phone rings. I picked up and started talking to Mr. Want me For My Brain...except as we are talking I realize..wait, this isn't him. Who am I talking to?! It's a frog....but who the hell is it. Now he wants to know who I am ....oh man, I think I know who it it....Mr Government 2.....crap....I hang up and said...I dialed the wrong number. 15 minutes later the phone rings again....him again.....who is this? Okay he isn't going away until I give him a hint. We met remember? He thinks I am someone else. I say aren't you Mr. Goverment2 and he says no.......Hmmm...who the fuck is this? I realize this is the fourth guy who has the same first name....Quadruplet frog names....

It finally hit me. Remember the guy that I had a crush on Ashley who didn't answer me for so long....and when he finally did, he was an idiot. He has emailed me that he lost my number and his phone and he didn't have my number. I admit it, I took that as an opportunity to fall off the face of the earth. Yikes....he realized who it was too. It gets better --3 hours later (yes, while I am home already) he decides to call me back again....why did you stop calling? I will call you tomorrow, I can't talk now its 12:20AM....I have to call tomorrow....now he has my number again. So what do I say..you looked hot but you are missing some brain cells?

So the morale of the story---Cheri needs to get her crap together and spend the day erasing old frogs. Yes, the pond needs cleaning out of my phone too...actually, most are in code and I don't even remember whose numbers are who.

And a final note from a tipsy Cheri....I decided to re-do my website like I originally had wanted to do. I hesitated because well, I didn't want to get it out there too much. In fear that the frogs would find it or I would be discovered. But hey, now what's the difference. I lost the only frog I cared about because of it so I might as well have fun with it....the damage is done....

The Devil's Elf- Spreading the Ashley Madison Secret

Yes, the underground world of Ashley Madison. A secret place that most married people do not know exists. A double life with a seductive side. So hot, so exciting...yet we walk around in the real world and no one knows we are a member of this secret society. Makes you think, how many people do you know are members of OTHER secret societies that we just don't know about. A newscaster gets murdered in is apartment and was found to be soliciting 16 year olds on Facebooks. Yikes....not the way you want to leave this world.

So should I feel guilty that I tell people about a secret society that gives me so much pleasure! I mean lets face it....if it wasn't for Ashley Madison and the secret married but looking world, if I didn't find that having an extramarital affair was so damn hot and fulfilling, I would be miserable now. I have learned so much about myself and my body. I have found sinful joy...sinful lust and most importantly hot, hot, did I say super hot sex!

I would never know the joy of orgasming until your body is in bliss. I would never know the sensation of a blindfold and a lover who can do me in so many different position that I am amazed there is even that many positions. I have tried anal sex and loved it. I have tried whipped cream, chocolate pudding, pop rocks and numerous other items. I have felt lustful, passionate sex as well as slow, intense sex.....I have met lots of people and have even advanced my career.....lol

My point?! I have one friend who is going wild on there, literally screwing about six guys. I worry about her safety, I do not want to be responsible for that. I also just introduced a friend from childhood to the secret society. A boy that I knew when I was 7! His marriage is really bad and he was telling me and I was biting my tongue and not saying anything and after three weeks of chatting, I finally said--you should check out Ashley Madison. He has now joined and has two meetings next week. Why do I feel responsible? Why do I feel like I am helping spread the devil's message? Like the devil's elf! I guess I am so happy with Ashley, I want others who are miserable to find this special lustful place!

Today I got an email from one of the guys I have been chatting with. We are going to go slow and be friends? He confessed this morning that the past three days he has looked at my picture and masturbated...my oh my! I asked him..... was I good? What a bizarre feeling to know you are sleeping and someone is looking at your pix and jerking off. Hmmmm.....gotta think how I feel about that...

Well today is another day...you know my theory, leave yesterday behind. And I am glad I left yesterday behind, I was in a bad place. Working hard to stay positive today....I love Fridays. It's my day off. Well its technically my day off but I have never taken the day off. But it feels good to feel like you are catching up on the week (even though I am working just as hard)...hmm..something isn't right about that.

Enjoy the day!!!!!!!

Let's Be JUST Friends--

Well, I went on the search on Ashley Madison to discover that I am probably not exactly ready to go back on Ashley Madison full time. Oh I am enjoying the attention but I don't seem to have the patience for the small sexual chit chat. At this point, I seem to be trying a new approach. Becoming friends first and just seeing where it takes me. Yes, I am after the mental stimulation right now. I have a decent connection with two men right now. We actually admit that we like talking and being friends. Building a foundation, I guess. Kind of taking it very, very slow.

I hate to harp on this but I am not finding this concept that MM is gone sitting very well with me right now. I sent him a note today to try and make him laugh....did you hear about the recent study how if you go cold turkey on an affair that your cock would fall off. A terrible side effect.....it should be a slow ....'hey if I had to, I bet I could find some kind of research to back up that theory.....I miss him. Hysterical flashbacks just pop into my head every once in awhile. Like us screwing in the store fitting room, or me just throwing him up against the carpeted hotel room wall or Screwby Dooby Dooo......wouldn't luck have it, my daughter has just discovered Scooby Doo and loves to sit and watch it. So the past week, she has made me watch episode after episode....its definitely God's way of punishing me.....lol

I may meet the Plumber soon...just for a coffee. I asked him if we can start off really slow with a friendship and possibly see if it goes anywhere. He agreed, I'm worth the wait he said. We will see.

Today was one of those days where the walls all seemed to crumble in. Some crap with one of my kids that was devastating to me. Basically they were insinuating that I was not caring correctly for my child. I dedicated my life to them.... 25 years old and has the audacity to say something like that. Truth is, its 500% false....I called the doctor to discuss it with him and he basically said....you are the best mom, tell the idiot to read a little more on the subject. Well, it still hurt a lot. With all that has been going on, for the first time in my life, I am considering to pack up. Move to another state, begin again. Ever have one of those days?

Sex Recycling, Going Green?

What do I want? That is the question I asked myself today. The inner soul is restless and I feel like I am inbetween right now. On my way to a destination but just not there. So where am I going? I asked myself today, if I could have my life a certain way, how would it be.....of course only being able to change the things I have control of. Someones health, I don't. But what would I want from the things I could control. And the answer....to be free! Have my home life under control with a clean house, the children taken care and my business efficiently working and being successful. So what would I change? I would grow my business with additional help so I could work less, divorce my husband, work out, take care of me and just enjoy sex. It could be with one lover or many. But I need to be sexually fulfilled....when you are not sexually fulfilled, you end up procrastinating in all aspects of your life.


Today, I began the day masturbating. I can't take this horniness and I find it hard to focus. I tried to work but wasn't getting anywhere so I returned to bed, removed my pants, got out the vibrator and began my little escapades. My clit is sooo sensitive these days. Some circles and you can feel the wetness in my pussy. Dipping in one finger, I use the juices to stimulate my clit. Hmmmm.....is that considered going green? I am recycling the juices, re-using them for another purpose....not using oils....wow, I guess we are talking Sex Recycling--Going Green! Of course, do not do that with condoms....now we are talking a whole other story....lol

I love when a man's cock enters me...the feeling of my walls spreading...its such a turn on so today the vibrator played that role.....mmm...I came in seconds with all the wetness and my clit was pulsating...that amazing rush came over me.....how I love to orgasm. Still better with a man...but it was good. It's so interesting how we all have our own maturbating techniques...no two are the same...its a unique approach to make you reach ecstasy.....mmmmmm.....

So, now I am going to sit here and think of Sex Recycling, Going Green.....will have to put it on my website. LOL

Obsessive Love, Ya Think?

So, I am thinking that this is probably not a recommended way to get your spouse to agree to a reconcilliation. Actually, I bet this is the perfect way to get that spouse who doesn't want a divorce to change his/her mind quickly......Damn, there are some interesting soles in this world!


FAIRFIELD, Conn. – A woman attempting to reconcile with her estranged husband handcuffed herself to him as he slept and then bit him on his torso and arms as he phoned for help, police said.
Helen Sun, 37, told police she wanted to have a conversation with Robert Drawbough without him leaving. She changed the locks on their bedroom door and, while he was sleeping Monday, handcuffed herself to him, authorities said.
Drawbough was able to dial 911 from his cell phone. Nearly out of breath, he told dispatchers he woke up handcuffed, was still bound to his wife and was holding her down, according to a recording released by police. Dispatchers heard Drawbough scream in agony, apparently as his wife bit him.
Asked by dispatchers why his wife was attacking him, Drawbough says he divorced her. He also said she has a history of violence.

Drawbough has been living in Los Angeles, but came back to Connecticut about a week ago, police said.
He told police his wife is obsessive and a danger to him and his friends and family. He said his wife hired private investigators to follow him, according to police. The status of their divorce is unclear.
Sun's mother said the couple had been married about eight years.

Hair of The Dog That Bit Ya- A New Beginning

So I may not be drinking but I think the best way to get back my great attitude is to jump back on that horse or go for that hair of the dog that bit me!

So, that's my decision....its time to clear the pond and begin the season all again. Today I had to scream at my girlfriend. I never judge..that's not my style but she screwed a guy and then a 1/2 hour later...met a guy in a parking lot. Someone totally new. Well that is unsafe and dangerous. I don't care who the guy is, you have never met him before and you trust him to meet him in a secluded parking lot. I gave it to her...and yelled at her that I don't care how many men she does in a day, don't get stupid. Safety is the key. Why do you think they call it StarFucks? The #1 place to meet someone before having an affair.

So I decided there is no one in the pond right now worth saving. The only guy I am still talking to is the guy who wanted me for my brain. I basically told him that I would prefer a working relationship. As for the baseball guy....I blew him off over the weekend. So caught up in his looks and someone elses looks, that's not my thing. I don't want to have to worry about each imperfection. And let's be realistic, none of us are getting younger and gravity is not our friend these days. Nay, I need a man with substance real substance.

So tomorrow I am starting fresh.....searching on Ashley Madison for a new group of frogs and from those frogs there has to be a prince. And if I have to kiss and screw a few of them to find out if there is a prince out there....so be it.

The Spring is here and I am starting to get Spring Fever. Oh yes, I need a man.....a really hot man who loves to have sex. One that wants to just keep screwing me until I beg him to stop. One that can make me scream with pleasure and orgasm until I can't orgasm anymore. I mean lets be realistic here, my mouth has not had a good cock in it in a real long time. Now is the Time, now is the time to return to Ashley and find a nice hard cock with decent girth.....mmm..how I love girth!!

Created A Sex Maniac

So if you remember awhile back, I turned a friend onto Ashley Madison. She has a boyfriend but quite frankly, he's a stick in the mud. She is like his pretend wife, running errands for him, taking care of his children......hmmm...doesn't sound exciting to me. And I could see she was missing something. So, I told her to go to Ashley.

Well, well, well....she has really been living it up. I can't even keep track of her. She has been with more men in the last three weeks then I think I have in the last three years. Her days are filled with lunch sex, after work sex, evening dinners and blowjobs. She is doing it in motels, back of cars.....she is going WILD! And she likes each man for a different reason so it is hard for her to choose. A similiar situation happened to her...the man she was with, the first one who she liked a lot, kept his distance. She felt it was over. She hadn't heard from him in a few weeks. And then he popped in again. Is that the norm? Why do men do that? Women need to know where they stand....men seem to not care. Women look for closure...men seem to be okay with things lingering and they assume you have been sitting around waiting for them.

This guy is her MM. She had a great time with him. He melted her. I am beginning to think it may be that motel. I recommended her to go there and they had an amazing time. Well, now she is a regular there. Funny story, she was with one man at 11AM there and then returned that evening to the same motel with another guy. WOW.....half jokingly I told her that the motel is going to think you are a prostitute. So now she keeps thanking me for telling her about Ashley Madison Agency. I keep telling her not to thank me that I did not create this, she is the one who has chosen this life now. I just gave her the website address. the girl is flying high! It is so funny.

I don't know, silly as it may sound. I have never been with any guy to the motel where Mystery Man and I went. That was our place. Such memories, such fun, such a connection--I wouldn't be able to do someone else in that motel. And that is a great place.....but its as if it is our place. I wonder if he ever took anyone else there? I hope not. I know it is silly but I don't think I can ever do anyone else there. Too many flashbacks, too much amazing sex....

So I guess I created a sex maniac. Geez, I don't want that on my head. Today she went to a psychiatrist's office and screwed him on his couch....lol I think she had two guys dicks in her mouth every day this week....her vibrator must miss her terribly!

Throw Them Away, Insult Them, They Are Sexually Intrigued

I have been having fun mental stimulation on Ashley Madison. And quite frankly, I am so confused about men and how they think. More than ever. I decided to go after some eye candy to entertain me for awhile. You know, the hot bodies, all beefed up, dreamy eyes and everyone wants them. The true man who I would think is a PLAYER! Now you are saying, oh Cheri, do not do that...but the truth, I need something to fill the void a little and I am not looking to start something with someone right now. I need to heal a little bit, this inner emptiness is hurting a lot (I am tired of boring you with it) but I miss MM.

So let's go in search of eye candy. Men that are empty in their heads but have the most amazing bodies. Men that I know I will be bored with within days. It's more the game to see if I can catch their attention lure them in...and I don't feel bad. A nice guy, I don't want to play with because right now I can't give them what they are looking for and its not even fair to communicate with them right now. So a player...I can spot them for miles....the ones that everyone wants, the cocky ones....its more the game of cat and mouse. Sexual Entertainment Online....kind of an interactive sex game.

First stop....A muscle construction guy. Profile: I want, I want, I want and don't be this and that and everything else. Perfect!! A real ladies man with tons of smileys. I write him back, I'm nothing that you want but thanks for the eye candy. Wait, call me. Nah, we have nothing in common. PLEASE CALL he writes, I hate the typing. Okay, I will entertain myself and call. I call the next day. The guy has no idea who I am or what is going on (there is absolutely nothing upstairs). I tell him...."go back to your email and read it if you can read." "Why do you say you are nothing?" "NO, I said I am nothing that you are looking for.....your want list is not important to me. " The man is so lacking. A conversation is almost impossible. I decide I am not even entertained at this point, he isn't a player just not intelligent. I wasn't having fun. "I want to meet you" he says. "REALLY?" now I am giggling. This was the most dysfunctional conversation I have ever had with another human being except for my college days when I was high or drunk. "I'll call you next week, we'll discuss possibly meeting, Gotta go." NOT. Oh it doesn't matter, he will forget by then. He probably already did. To my surprise, as I am typing this....he called me and text me. OMG...men are crazy!

Player 2: A former baseball player. Super hottie and eyes to die for. Okay, let's give this a whirl. I will just send a wink. Wow, immediate response. "Got a pix?" I respond"did you even read my profile? take a second and read the profile. I guess physical is all you want and that's not my thing. So I am not going to bother". He responded "I'm sorry, that was messed up the way I just asked for a photo. I did read your profile and I would like to see what you look like". I sent my photo. "here I am, but we are not looking for the same things, so good luck in your search". He responded "Wait. You are beautiful. Please give me a second here. I read your profile and for the first time on this site, I am intrigued. I would like to get to know you a little bit. I am in a non physical marriage and totally can relate to what you wrote." He went on to tell me about what he does, how is marriage is non physical at this point and how he's so tired of the void and he travels a lot and is lonely. Aaaahhhh....wow, this guy is a true player or just amazing. I am going to go the player route. But see, here it is. A true player sizes up the woman. A true player knows the right approach to squirm his way in....he found it with me. And I wasn't expecting it. Oh he is gooooooood but I am going to keep my distance. He reminds me of my childhood friend who squirmed his way in and took over my thoughts of meeting where we used to hang out in Florida. And now, he writes a note once in awhile to keep me in the game. Like my birthday.....right on the front of my Facebook telling me Happy Birthday, I was thinking about you (and it got the attention of my friends...literally the emails asking me who is that hottie?)..

I wrote a note back to this baseball player last night. Agreeing we had a lot in common. A grain of salt....just a grain here. Now he is a dangerous player, I can tell....the squirming into your mind one.

What profile NOT to write to get a girl....

Okay, I swear this is real. Word for word. This is the guys profile. I had to share it. So if you were wondering what a woman goes for? I can guarantee it is not this profile...And you wonder why the male race gets such a bad rap, look at the players you have on your team!!..

im like one of those guys that like has never worked hard for anything in his life. i try to get the most out of life w/o the effort or time. i am a homeowner and i do drive a 30 thousand dollar plus vehicle so im not a bum but im not into working hard. id like to find a thin good looking girl with big boobs that i can play with for hours. ( and i do have that kind of time wink wink. it would also help if she had money so we could buy more free time together. I laugh cuz most of the girls who email me say stuff like you can't be serious. In case you haven't noticed yet 99 percent of guys on here just want sex. They may try to trick you with a mr niceguy routine and a nice profile but that's what players do. At least give me the credit for being an honest upfront guy. Thanks for listening ;)

im actually open to do most things. i dont consider a get together with a person i dont know yet to be a date. i like to keep it really casual. sometimes just meeting for a couple drinks is good. o0o and i dont pay for the person i go out with on a first meeting

Pay Back Is Sooooooo Damn Sweet

Years ago, in a far off land, there was a man who Cheri was in love with. He was the man I thought I was going to married, had discussed marriage and we even lived together after college. His family adored her, she adored them and it was planned exactly where they would live, how many children they would have and the white picket fence. Mr. Douche Bag (as we will call him) was a sweet talker and the biggest flirt alive....he was good in bed (or at least what I can remember of course, back then, I knew nothing so quite frankly who knows how good he was).



So back to the story...... Mr. DB was a ladies man and little did Cheri know was fucking around on here. Innocent Cheri (yes, back then I was innocent) was devastated from the news of his infidelity...I mean, we were getting married....the fairytale, the life. Oh it was going to be the perfect life....the rich prince, the house on the water, the big boats, the speed boats, the fast cars....oh what a life we would live in this mansion already chosen for us.



Crushed and destroyed, learning he was having a relationship with a girl from another state and she was moving here.....Cheri was told in a bowling alley (not a smart move Mr. DB since Cheri was quite impulsive and she threw a bowling ball at him). Oh the drama that occurred after that and once the girl moved her (and he hated her), Mr. DB called Cheri constantly. Cheri moved on but for many years, she thought about her fairytale life and even when she met someone else and he did too,,,, she cried the night of his wedding. The fairytale was over.



Mr. DB ended up on the wrong side of life and plummeted lower than scum at the bottom of the frog pond. He did something horrendous (murder would have actually been more acceptable) and Cheri finally put her thoughts away for him and now was thrilled that she didn't marry the DB. Because if he would have done that to her and her children....she absolutely would have cut his balls off .



Fast forward--25 years breakup. Cheri is on FaceBooks and got a friend request from him. Hmmmm...hesitant...she accepted it. And he starts talking his shit again. However, the good news. He looks like shit. And as soon as she tells him that she heard rumblings of what he did...the communication stops....(hehehehhe) Now, now.....it was Cheri's birthday and he sent her a note. Happy Birthday....62? And Cheri replies with a smirk.... Hey baby, I will always be younger than you and BTW, I am aging like fine wine.....



His reply: True!!!!!!!!!

And a few days later: Wow, you really look great. Boy, what a mistake I made.

And Cheri responded: Yes, you did.....and I am glad you were an asshole....because I wouldn't have had this great life that I have.......

His response: I am happy for you. You were always a great person. My family even used to say I didn't deserve you. You know they kicked me out after we broke up? Anyway, I am glad you are happy, you deserved better than me so I am glad you found it.



And then a wave of satisfaction came over me. And then a jab. I am so tired of men telling me that I deserve better than them. In this case, yes, I did deserve better than him. But why does those damn words constantly appear throughout my life? What is with men? Is that the going excuse they all use?



And so, 25 years later, Cheri is still in search of her fairytale....except now she is wondering if a Married Prince Charming is even going to be a part of it. Are there any fairytales where the princess lives happily ever after with a great career and lots of men to please her? Can I have a harem of men? Hmmmm...maybe I have been reading the wrong fairytales....lol

Okay, I want the sex, you want the brain?

I am truly hesitant to tell men what I do. Truth is, I love what I do (we are talking as a career here not any sexual talents). So when they ask me, I tell them and suddenly we are discussing their business. If they don't have their own business, I am safe. But if they do, I have to learn not to talk about my career. Why? Because they want to hire me. Now my girlfriend was dying tonight. I am at a point in my company where I need to finish up some client's work. I am overwhelmed and truly cannot take on another client for a couple of months. I already have a waiting list (which is great, don't get me wrong). HOWEVER.. when I go on Ashley Madison, I want to escape.

My GF today was literally howling that I get clients from the frogs I meet online. She thinks it is hysterical that I am looking for a lover and clients keeps coming my way. "Stop using me for my brain" "Stop wanting to pay me and have sex with me".... we both starting laughing. I am a dysfunctional brain girl. I throw in some business advice with each blowjob....lol
"Have Great Sex AND increase your business with Cheri"

Today the single guy I was emailing yesterday called. It was a great conversation and I like him. Actually, the conversation turned to business and once that happens...our connection turns. He asked me to work for him after I had done a quick evaluation. I said no. Gotta tell ya, when you say no to a man they want you more. He emailed me three more times asking me to reconsider. The more he thought about it, the more he decided he needed me. I told him that I gave him pointers, go with it. He owes me a dinner now for the advice. I told him to decide....business or possible pleasure. He chose possible pleasure. So we are going to meet and not talk business. Actually, I am thinking I may just want to be friends with him. He's too single if that makes sense. Very set in his ways....very independent.....but hey, we will meet and see where it goes. So maybe he will become a client.

Security Man texted me today. We talked a little bit back and forth. Truth is, he is afraid of feelings. He is afraid of being hurt and I hurt him. I didn't realize it, I was upset I guess and needed comforting and when I didn't get it from him....I said....Bye Bye. He wants us to try again. He said he would try to stop with the jokes and give more. That he does miss me and can't stop thinking about me. I kind of felt bad with that because I don't know if I feel that way.

MM made me hard in that area. I took his distance and mystery because that's what we were about from the beginning. I continued to take it and he is the only one who will ever be able to get away with that. I realize now, I am adamant when I meet a man who attempts the mystery approach. Immediately, I blow them off. There is only one Mystery Man.....lol So what do I do about Security Man? He wants to meet for lunch. Start again with no jokes. I think I am sitting here with the hopes that MM will return.....and I have to be realistic..it probably isn't happening.....so do I wait or go on?

Sexually, I am in limbo. Right now, I am so damn horny. I just want to escape and not think. Just have wild sex to escape the world. No words, no thoughts, just closeness and thrusting. I swear which each thrust.....I am able to escape further and further into paradise. It's as if sex is able to act like yoga and meditation for me. The harder I work, the hornier I get.....

Funny, I looked at the hubby before. He got his haircut. Other men would die for his thick head of hair. He actually looks great. Other women would go crazy over him on Ashley..he's been working out, beginning to show definition and he's very good looking, tall, dark....a definite catch. How sad that we fell so far and there is no return.

Close Your Eyes....And Listen To the Words.....This is Cheri's Recommendation Of A Super Hot Song To Fuck to.....Do you feel this when you are with your lover? Is the sex this hot? Just let go, turn on this song.....and if you can find those Lips Like Morphine...you are a lucky soul!!

Treading Water in to the Pond for a Hot Frog

I decided to put a toe into the water today. Take a look what is in the pond....any frogs I might be interested in?! Hey, I was window shopping on Ashley Madison. The good news is that when you haven't been there for awhile, its like the 4 seasons.....all the new fashion is there....you get to see the new colors, trends, designs....it was like opening up Elle in their Spring Preview issue...what's hot and what is not...the thick issue that arrives and you get all excited.... yes, my copy of Frog Elle arrived today.

I basically browsed through...can't get too entrenched in one sitting. First you look at all the pictures...(ok, men...its your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue). I had about 20 messages that were about to be deleted because it had been so long so I looked at a few. See, if there was any that stood out....(no I wasn't in the mood to read all their wants and desires).

Now here's the thing that I don't think men totally understand. When a woman goes on there, she is IM'd immediately and continually....so I had an opportunity at six new frogs. And I spoke with one..... women, light hearted, funny and a little intellect...you got them...he was a doctor (a strike in my book...) he sent a picture....and I wasn't interested. Nope, I am not going to feel bad if the connection isn't there. I just can't so I told him. Men don't take that well...so what am I suppose to do? I don't get it....if there is nothing there, what is the polite way to say that? So I decided I was going to browse and no more IMs.

As I told you, there were a few potential frogs that I had spoken with. No one got anywhere sexually...mental stimulation is important to me so I make a man talk to me about real life first. A guy who tells me his cock is sooo hard (and he didn't even see me yet)...PLEASE.....not my thing anymore. I like substance. So anyway, one potential tadpole had been online and he sent me a note. He was a nice guy...he is single, really good looking and we had some conversations (and quite frankly I barely remember them but I knew they were good). He sent me a note and asked me how I was......said he looked at his favorites list and had been thinking about me and then poof...here I was after so long.

We emailed back and forth just chatting. I burned my garlic bread so I had to deal with that and he was laughing...he seems nice, personable etc. I reminded him that i was married...he said he knew and that I had my reasons he was sure and that it didn't bother him. He's handsome, nice but who knows. We are still chatting tonight through email....nothing sexual at all...just chatting about work and life. It's nice.

Another guy contacted me. He is however, a true player and his cockiness on his profile confirmed it. I admit it super hot and on 250 favorite lists. So, he certainly qualified as a player. He went on and on about what he wanted and if you are this, don't contact him and if you are this, don't contact him etc.etc.etc. I was entertained.....he sent me a wink. That was weird? I certainly fell into some of the if you are this categories. So I wrote back, you are nice eye candy but I am not what you are looking for. Ever notice that when you push a man away, that's when they come back strong. Oh, he wrote back again, and again and even gave him his number....LOL Too funny.

And finally Security Man and I are actually duking it out right now on text. He knows how to get under my skin. We haven't seen each other in three or four weeks. He was an ass about my birthday...I just turned sour with him when MM found out. I don't really know what happened..and I don't care. But he knows how to get under my skin. His text messages are begin to fuel me. I need to ignore them. But the man is irking me. He knew I was annoyed so he should have called. He wouldn't, so I left him be. Today he sent a warning that he was going food shopping and now the texts have been going back and forth...about time slots so we don't run into each other....supermarket visiting rights....lol And now the serious text just came what happened to us? Hmmmm.....how do I tell him that there was a side of him that reminded me of MM..the side that hurt me and when you put a package together, he wasn't worth the hurt I would have felt and the digs he gave. MM could never tell me or say he cared about me but he never digged at me except in hysterical ways. So anyway, we are discussing by text....closure by text..so romantic!!

So as you can see...it is so different for a woman on Ashley Madison. A woman pops on and in 10 minutes can have ten dates if she wants. You just need how to give decent email and you are golden! I don't know if I am ready for someone right now. I will chat with this guy and see what comes of it. Extremely slow....if at all. I don't think a single guy is for me right now anyway. We are way too different. Oh well, time will tell. As for right now, I am going into the bath and heading to sleep early. I need to have a better week than the last couple...no drama this week. I am looking for tranquility.....peace....balance....

Knee Jerk Reactions...okay its not exactly me knee!

Reading the comments from the last post actually confirmed what I was feeling on my way home tonight. Driving in the car, listening to the radio, I sometimes feel inside like there is a ping pong match going on.

What happens is pretty simple if you look back in history. MM disappears and I felt that void and hurt and rejection. The emptiness is in my heart and my first reaction is to not feel the rejection and not feel the emptiness so I have a knee jerk reaction and rush back to Ashley Madison. For a woman on Ashley, you are showered with emails after you sign on. You are given tons of attention and men tell you how pretty you are. You have tons of men who want to meet you...so as lame as it is, it helps my ego. It also is a temper tantrum....fine, he doesn't want me--I'll find someone who does.... hence, a new frog or two appear on the radar.....I think MM is gone and then he comes back. Afraid that he is going to disappear again, I held on to a frog just in case. This time, it didn't work that way...

Yes, anonymous, I agree, I should find myself. Actually I know what I need to do, it's just the hubby has no place to go. Oh the thought of freedom is amazing and also very scary since I am just doing ok right now. I am afraid.... And honestly, the last three years, I have found out a lot about myself and have grown because of the blog and my friends here.

Of course, Hot Dandelion is also right. For me, a married man is the right thing right now. I certainly do not want a commitment or someone that is going to think of a long term thing. Single men want commitments, they are in search for the right girl, I am not the one for them. Honestly, I can't commit and wouldn't want to commit. And I am not saying that because I want to sleep around but I do not want to go from a marriage to a long term commitment again. I would want some time for me in between there to do as I please in many ways. So, I am considering the return to Ashley and POF....when I am ready. I went on, there were guys I just dumped in mid conversations when MM returned this past time and they are still there emailing me wondering where I went. I am considering whether I want to pursue any of those...I am not sure which direction to go right now, so I am just licking my wounds and going with the day.

The dreamer in me still wants to find my Married Prince Charming. Of course, the desire in me wants MM back...that was the best sex...but he didn't even answer my last email. So, I guess that is my answer on which direction to look. Driving home tonight I heard the song, The Love Story by Swift (I'll put it below). Am I the only girl who dreams of that story book connection at my age?

Women are Sexual Beings

I have been thinking a lot about the double standard set between men and women. If a man seeks more than one lover...the other lover is just hurt BUT she isn't thinking that slut, that whore, I can never sleep with them again. She is more hurt that he seeked sex somewhere else.

For a woman who is with more than one lover, they are judged. Thought about as a whore or slut. MM reading my blog, he didn't want to be with me knowing that I did other things with other men that I didn't do with him. Now realistically, I would do anything with him....our relationship was hot--based upon satisfying the other and it was open. Always asking what works or as time went on, knowing that a moan was a good thing and that last act was enjoyed and encouraged for further exploration.

I think men are still chauvenists in some ways. They want the woman to be sexually open...the world is okay with them floating around..but a woman...you need to stay with one lover or otherwise you are a whore. I've seen this happen with a couple of friends and women on Ashley Madison. Men want you to enjoy sex as long as you are exclusive with them EVEN if there is no commitment or it is never discussed. Sounds double standard to me.

Women have needs. It's as if men sometimes forget that. It's not like years ago when our sexuality was surpressed as women. You want us to be sexual,you want us to be sensual..you want us to enjoy sex....and many of us really do...,,with the right person or multiple affairs. Men do it all the time....its called dating so why are women judged harsher? Why do men think that a massage and a happy ending or a lapdance is ok or even strip clubs? Can you see a woman saying, I am going out with the girls after work for some guys to finger us until we cum?

Today I am working, cleaning and thinking. Maybe too much thinking....my body had a physical meltdown from all the stress and I am trying to relax a little. Slow down just a bit and soak in my life. Funny, how an affair can be better for your marriage. When a rendezvous ends, I manage to think about my life and the first thing I think about is WHY AM I MARRIED? You would think I would be thinking of divorce when I am having a hot affair but its the opposite for me. I am content at that time. How ironic that I think divorce when I end an affair. So, you see the morale of the story: Affairs can be good for a marriage or at least the dysfunctonal ones!!!

Laughter is the best medicine besides a hot man!

Sometimes you need that time to go back into the past....and laugh your ass off. Tonight, I went out with my oldest friends in the world (not old as in age but friends I know 35 years!) Nothing is better for the soul than to go to dinner, drink and laugh at who you were and who you are today. I never laugh so much as when I am with these friends. We don't judge each other at all...we accept who we are AND even make fun of each other in a loving way...Sometimes you gotta just laugh or you would cry...

Each of us have our crap. But today sitting around the table, we realized we all are very successful at what we do. Four career women, each doing something different yet each of us doing well. I guess we turned out pretty well!! My friends know I write a blog but don't know the name of it. They know the theme of it and quite frankly they are amused at my entrepeneurial approach....writing my journal and also managing to make a few bucks off of it.

My friends know about this life, although only one know details. Knowing my situation, they all agree that I would have lost my mind by now if I didn't seek out an affair. They asked about MM...I told them he was gone and I gave them an overview how he found the blog. Now of course they are my friends but they were in agreement....mindblowing sex and someone you love to laugh with and knows the deal that it is never going to hurt anyone....ridiculous to walk away from .

And tonight's consensus from my friends--I need another amazing lover and I need to return to Ashley Madison to find him. This time, be much more scrutinizing before I hop into another frog pond. If I feel something isn't exactly right, move on. So it may take me a little while to find that next frog.

Actually, the big joke tonight was dentistry. Each of us were having teeth issues this week....I was elected to scout Ashley for a dentist....

I cherish my time with my friends...when we get together..it doesn't matter who else is in the room or how long we haven't seen each other....we come together and just laugh till we cry. One of my friends is like me.....drama finds her. She bought a new car and it wasn't where so parked it. The policemen came down to help her look for it (they were two really cute cops)...how sure are you that you left it on this block? 100% sure she said. Well, he said...that means its on another block. WHAT? He said 100% of the time 100% of the people who are 100% sure where they left it--they are wrong. Sure enough, the car was two blocks away.....Dizzy blonde moment....because she's usually extremely smart....We were howling...

Well I am off to bed and know that I am in a good frame of mind right now. Tomorrow, I will search Ashley and POF. No contacting just scope out what is there. A friend of mine is on there and she is going wild right now. She slept with one guy, blew another and slept with another within 24 hours....geez....talk about samplings!!

I'm Okay....

Hey! Thanks for your concerns...I am okay. So much going on these days that I think I just went into overload. Having sleeping issues too so the mind can keep going and going and going.

Actually, I have had to oportunity to think a lot and try to sort out my life. Didn't get very far but did think about the frogs. And my conclusions... Security Man is gone. Oh the sex was hot, but he doesn't give me the connection that I need. If you are going to fall short on the communication end, you better be amazing in bed. And my head isn't into it with him. I needed him to reachout to me and he didn't so......bye bye!

Mystery Man....oh my oh my...the things that have been going through my head. I am angry now...Just like I knew that he wouldn't be happy with the blog (actually I don't think I thought he would be this unhappy since he was usually featured in an amazing way)....but anyway, he knew I would be upset if he read it..but he did....every word of it. Seems everything was a double standard. I am furious that he would throw it all away....how could it be that easy for him?

I met Mr. P today and it was good. He takes care of me emotinally. Always worrying about how I am doing mentally. Always trying to help me in a controlling way but I control the control....if that makes sense. Sexually, it is good because of the whole scenerio.....however, I've hinted to this before, he cannot cum inside of me...to keep him hard is an issue sometimes and I take it personally. I don't know......I will write more detail tomorrow..he hypnotized me again and we went to the borderline of comfort....I will write details tomorrow, I am exhausted right now. But I have to say, I was a little disappointed in my birthday gifts....he gave me a whole bunch of gadgety things so I can take them home. I wanted jewelry or something from his heart. He knew that but decided not to go that route so I am a little hurt.

Driving home, I realized, I need to start sorting things out even further. Life is too short...I need to get it together a little more. I was doing so well for awhile, this is just a short step back.

So on the radio was a show about being sexually addicted and I have come to the conclusion that I have a sexual addiction issue. I love that high of the orgasms....I can't get enough of them....I could have fucked MM four times a week and still not had enough of him. so where am I going to get that high now? It's the high of the orgasm, the high of two bodies entwined and feeling my body react to a man's touch. I just want more and more and more!!!! Yeah, I went from asexual to a sex addict........quite the turn around from where I was 3 1/2 years ago!!

Sweet Wet Dreams..!!

Two Day Frog Cleanse For My Mental Health

Last night, I didn't sleep one wink. Not a minute....I paced the floors, turned on the tv and some dysfunctional movie was on about this rich people who had a threesome and they were being blackmailed....it added to my no sleep. A computer searching witch hunt....which certainly bordered compulsive and this morning a totally useless Cheri. As the night went on and the sleep wouldn't come, the more and more my thoughts were becoming irrational. I was literally a train wreck about to happen full speed. It was a combination of everything that was coming to a head.......and going over in my head details......not good. I even masturbated, that usually helps me focus but I didn't feel any better after I came.

Useless this morning on no sleep.....barely functioning and to top it off it was like a Stephen King Novel that miscellaneous frogs that technically never even became frogs because we met for coffee and I wasn't into them or we met online and I didn't like them....this morning they were coming out of the woodwork through IMs and emails and calls for no apparent reason....it was like a bad horror flick.

I slept two hours this morning and talked to my girlfriend for awhile. And our conclusion......STOP.....I am taking two days.....until Thursday/Friday NO Frog contact, No blogs, No Men, No MySpace Music, No FaceBook"......I wish I could take time off from work but I can't right now. I am burning from all ends but the one thing that I can control, I am going to take control. A frog vacation.

So, Officially.....Cheri is on vacation from Secret Lovers Lane as of Right This Moment for a few days.....hold the pond down while I am gone!!

Incommunicado for two days....but I will be back so don't miss me too much. Sweet WET Dreams!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Cheri's Chanting On Life

Wow, oh wow, oh wow! Choices? Hmmm....so many choices. With this new found "Screw it all attitude" that has come upon me....I can almost hear Bon Jovi singing in the background "It's my Life" (okay, I'll put it below so you can experience the full drama as I am writing this post!) Yes, self pity and anger are quite the recipe for disaster.....so which direction should I go?! I think the clocks turned back and the world lost their mind with the hour.

My Thoughts on The Screwperman Search
Today I don't give a flying fuck....yup...sums it up. I am tired of torturing myself about having written this blog and causing the destruction of Mystery Man and me. How he found my blog is still a damn mystery. I mean really now...I have searched Screwperman about nine million ways and quite frankly....those picture that came up are not even connected to a Screwperman search...I've been doing this for awhile and those would not have been the pix that came up. There are millions of blogs and trillions of websites....crap...I can't get a good search position for Ashley Madison no matter how hard I try these days but he can find my blog with one damn search. Extramarital affairs, cheating, idiot, dysfunctional blonde who loves to suck cock ....now let's see who finds me based on those words....OH...and I did a search....Superman sex and I found pix so here they are....They do exist (ok, I am feeling a little better)...

Cheri's Thoughts On The Goverment
Today was one of those days when you sit around and wonder, it must be me. It can't be that the whole world around me is that dysfunctional. Or are they? I never curse anyone, I try not even to raise my voice when its a professional matter...today, I lost it. You see, I appealed my taxes and was waiting for the Assessment Review Board to review it. In January, I got a note saying my home was assessed for lower....great! Then today I got a note saying that the appeal came through and they assessed it for 100,000 more. ?!?!!?! So I called...turned out....I had to appeal before I got the results before my last appeal. WHAT?!?!? Well I appealed 2008 and the lower tax assess was for 2009 and I was suppose to appeal that. So let me get this straight.....I appealed...didn't get a response to my appeal but I should have appealed again even though I got a note saying that my house was worth less from the state..I had to appeal something you told me..before I got the appeal results.?!?!?!! OKAY I WAS LOSING IT NOW....I finally gave in...okay, I will leave accept this appeal you sent me and appeal for the assessment you sent to me. IT's too late..March 2 was the appeal closing date.... All I could say was "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?? YOU SENT THIS LETTER OUT ON THE 4th of March....."

And we wonder why are government is so damn dysfunctional? Does that make sense to you. It sadly did to her. I was beside myself...I have to wait two years now to see any additional tax break. I called the Big Swig in my State....waste of time, they were confused. This government is truly losing it. I am convinced.

Cheri's Thoughts On Extramarital Affairs and Fucking
Okay, I love to have sex. I love to be in that motel, forget the world and go wild! Yes, the song Closer...."I want to fuck you like an animal! I want to feel you on the inside" is on my MySpace....BTW, its a flashback frenzie for me..one flashback after another...I can't take it...I put all the songs that used to trigger flashbacks on my myspace....GREAT...now I am being tortured by the music!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!

So back to sex...What I need right now is a nice hard cock. Yup..that's it. I need to be taken away to that place so far away....Total Paradise...no worries, no thoughts, a total escape where I can just have orgasm after orgasm after orgasm....where there is nothing but me, the man and the mirrors and lights. Where we do it in every position until we drop and cannot do it anymore. Where I can feel myself spreading with each time he pulls out and goes back in.....Until we are both totally cumless. A total relaxed, balanced state....

so here Cheri sits....a month ago....too many men...today....well I am certainly not writing about the wild sex I had today. I want WILD SEX right now.....AND there is no one. NO ONE!!!!!! I don't want Security Man anymore. I could call him but I don't want him. SOOOOO....I am throwing a SEX TEMPER TANTRUM right now...I am acting like a spoiled brat but I want it and I want it from Mystery Man..right now.. AND that isn't happening....so now what do I fucking do?!!? Start again...go back to the damn fucking pond?!

Back to Ashley Madison tonight...that's it. Start the search again. Once again, he's gone (oh, wait till I see that he's been on Ashley, that might break a few blood vessels in my head...lol).

Okay, I am a little calmer..thanks for listening....an emotional unload....so seriously, what is my next move?! I don't know. Begin the search again? Wild, hot sex is not easy to find. So how do I know without doing it?! What makes that hot connection?! What makes that magic.....that spark...those tingles?! I wish I knew. Has anyone out there had such a connection with more than one person?! Or was that it for me?! Oh now that would really suck....

So now, I am going to take a bath....and I am going to think. The fork in the road is there once again...which direction do I take?!

Now what?!?!

Okay so this is the time I usually feel the deep void that needs to be filled. This is the time that I think Mystery Man is not coming back and this is the time I rush to Ashley Madison to find some flirting comfort. I give good email...its not hard to track down a few frogs to play with. There were three that I just dumped once MM came back into my life last time. Do I contact them and see what is going on?

Security Man has taken on a new light with me. I don't know if it has anything to do with MM...although I pretty much avoided contact for a week after and he called. It's something about him that has been bothering me. It's as if he is always joking but the undertone of his jokes are put downs. Not bad put downs but it takes a lot for him to open the communications. When I call him on it...he mellows. Sometimes you don't want the smart ass remarks like our joke about hey sweetie being a blow off.....here's a man who says his wife repulses him yet he has sex with her regularly. He needs to relieve himself....I personally can't even imagine having sex with someone who repulses me. Anyway, we've spoken, he's sweet but I don't have that desire for him right now.

Well I need to get out of this slump. It's hard when my heart is sad. I spent the weekend organizing my work stuff....getting my lists in order and hoping that getting on track will get me out of this depression. Throw myself into my work....get to the gym....and focus on me a little bit. And maybe go back to the pond this week to see if there are any frogs worth enticing. The divorce attorney is so persistent....poor thing....its been three years and he's still trying to get me in bed. He called again today....MBA IM'd me....I ignored them both. Even the guy who is far away who had a crush on me for years...he text me tonight. Funny how something can be so intense and then my life changed.

They aren't what I am looking for..I had the best of both worlds at one time...its hard to replace that.

So now what?! I am going to try and start tomorrow with a smile on my face and some joy in my heart. And put the bottle of Xanax away....yes, mother's little helper has been helping me a little too often these past couple of weeks.

Oh I did begin to do my stretches again. I figure, eventually I am going to want to have wild sex again.....and the more flexible I am the better it will be.....so I am going to continue to do my stretches....sex when your legs can spread in so many ways is just so damn hot....a man can get to allllll those special spots that send you flying.....so I might as well limber up till I decide which path to take. I am actually deciding now between hot yoga and pole dancing! I swear....I have friends who are taking both and they have asked me to join them. Cheri does the pole!! hahahahaha

A Glass of Wine, Empty Heart and A New Vibrator

You know those days when you are in a room full of people and you are feeling so alone? Has that ever happened to you? Well today was one of those days. MY girlfriend looked at me and said...okay, what's up? I haven't seen you like this in a really long time...she knows me 15 years so she can tell when the smile is just not genuine. This is my friend that knows about my secret life BUT she doesn't know about my secret life. Mystery Man has always been called He/Him. Our joke had always been you saw Him this week....she could tell by my smile. Let's face it, I am happier when I get great sex.

"He's gone and this time I think its for good....he gave me parting gifts". I laughed and She starting cracking up. Your eyes are so sad.... I just explained, I fucked up, he found out about Mr. P. SO? was her response. And he found my diary online..... now her eyes opened wide....CRAP, don't you pour your heart out in that thing? (my friends don't read my blog). YUP! So my entire life is there for him to see in black and white....knowing me deeper than anyone and he dumped me...now can you see why I feel like shit? I felt the tears coming....

Well he's a fucking fool then. Because he must have read how much you care for him. Does he sleep with his wife? Wow, that seems to be the question these days....lol. I told her it is also the blog..that its online...is his name in it? Of course not!! So, you slept with other men and he sleeps with his wife and you write a blog that just confirms how much you care about him....and he won't forgive you? Great sex and he won't forgive you?

Okay, let's go....We got into her car and drove to the local bar...we drank for two hours and then we called her boyfriend. He picked us up and she told him we had to make an emergency stop. She took me to the toy store. Wasted off our asses, we shopped for vibrators. I chose a hot pink one that does all these tricks and anal beads. She grabbed a little bullet and some cock rings for her boyfriend. He was cracking up when we came out of the store.

Tonight, I am sitting here very sad. I have been very difficult since MM left. Anger is now setting in a little bit and I think the people around me are feeling it. The loneliness is setting in....shit.....Two Tickets To Paradise just came on the radio....have you ever wanted to cry...but you feel so empty its almost impossible? That's how I am feeling tonight. My heart just seems so empty. Is it all because of MM? No, its just reality setting in right now. With him being gone, my life is now in front of me and I have that being stuck feeling again. Ever feel like you just wanted to walk out? Oh I am not going and leaving my kids...but there is a part of me that wants to run away... can I run away at my age?

Hope you are having a wonderful evening..and thanks for listening.....actually I am going to work for a little bit.

God Bless The Frogs Today, The Venom Was Flying

Okay, I admit it. Today I was in rare form. Any male who came within inches of me felt the bite of my venom....yes, it had to be me today because I was at in rare form. First, Security Man....I finally figured it out about him. His sarcasm is bordering insulting at times, or its not insulting as it is designed to get a rise out of me. Well have you noticed lately, I have had more than enough drama in my life so when I finally hit it on the head---for a man who requested no drama--he was being the King Of Drama. So I finally said...listen you are working hard to get a rise out of me today but it isn't going to work....you love drama don't you? Well I hit a nerve, but now I went for it. Look, my life is drama..if you need drama, hang with your wife. I am not into any more in my life. He was shocked. And then he apologized and the emails took a nicer but definitely different tone. I don't know, since MM is gone...I haven't really wanted to see him.. as if I am blaming him for MM leaving but that isn't the truth. It was me.

Mr. P certainly didn't get away from the venom. We were working great together and suddenly we came to a roadblock. Oh it hit a nerve and I began to discuss it intensely with him and then he said something and I could feel the volcano eruption occurring.....when I get like that....I can't explain it....I can feel the anger about to explode....when I get like that, I just hang up on him. It's the easiest and safest thing for both of us. He knows me so well (and now I am laughing but I wasn't then)....he waits a little bit and then will call back and calmly talk to me, beginning with ....somehow we got discounted, can you believe it!?! And then he will say--the answer is NO, you are still going to work with me, I need you. We then usually will start on neutral ground and we work it out. It's hard, so emotionally close to the situation its tough to not want to see him progress quickly.

Next Round....one more client. The doctor from Ashley who became my client. Similiar situation today, he was going to handle it. Okay...fine I said. However, when I got to his office, the right players were there and the end result was great. No problems...

Final Round...the hubby. Last night he made a comment under his breath "I can't wait to get the fuck out of here". Well, I waited till tonight..when something else came up. And I finally said you can't wait to get the fuck out....GO!!!! It was getting ugly....oh and if you think I am going to come back like the guy across the street and take care of the kids for you, its not happening. Aaah....of course not, I can't get you to take care of them now....you wouldn't be a good dad, I knew that...please....

So today, I was a fighter not a lover. Except for the hubby, the others were fights that ended in good ways. The hubby, well trust me, he is showing his true colors. He's only here because he can't afford to leave. That is the reality..

And, throw all this crap....somehow I miss MM....I think the anger is here. The anger he would just leave....double damn standard...no response from him after I wrote....he gave me what I needed...I make one mistake...a blog...and he is in total uproar.

So....today was an emotionally draining day.....I just want to cry. Oh, good news...my friend finally arrived so I guess I should cancel the appearance on the Maury show....lol

A special birthday wish....

I hesitated to put this in here....because MM took it the wrong way when I posted his posts. He felt betrayed. I, on the other hand, shared it because I had been so excited about what he wrote and happy that I had wanted to share it word for word...BTW, I was hurt, he couldn't even say Happy Birthday... Security Man has been on the fence now for awhile...I haven't wanted to see him weirdly since MM and I were finished...but he waited till tonight to say Happy Birthday.

I don't know if Mr. P would flip (I hope not) but to wake up to someone who wrote me this....I had to share it with you. I think this will give you an idea of how he is my friend, my confidante....a true supporter. I blushed when I read it..and while he really made me sound so amazing (and I don't think I am that amazing--but his words managed to make me smile the rest of the day).


LET ME BE THE VERY FIRST TO WISH YOU A GREAT BIRTHDAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!

My birthday wish is on the serious side.

What is a birthday and why do we celebrate it?

For you it is not only a day to say have a great day.. No it is far more important then that...

Its a day that we want to share in your joy because if you were never born we couldn't rejoice about what you are able to do for others.

Many people do not understand when your the bread winner and you have people in your life that you affect on a daily basis but are never shown the appreciation.. it takes some one like me who recognizes this and needs to tell you first hand...

You are a great person with a heart of gold that gives and gives. I really have no idea when someone last stopped to tell you how great you are. some one who sees the qualities in another person and says I hope she knows how great she is!!

That's you Cheri.. you give and give and it takes someone like me to stop and say lets pat you on your back for your greatness! For your day to day strength! For the little you ever get in return! No today is your day. The day that many people around you are thankful that you were born. The lucky ones that you have touched in your life time. The people that don't even know you yet you fight gov'ts for there needs. Your parents who you fight the doctors and hospitals for the best care. You put Cheri aside too often and today I stand here and say I am blessed to know you and have touched me in a special way.

Stand and smile! BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU STAND FOR! To have you touch someone is a God sent!

You are a great caring, sensitive, funny, would go out of your way for a friend person. You are a princess everyday and people need to appreciate what you give! Oh lets not forget a great business person...:)

Have a wonderful birthday.. Smile wide because this world would be worse off without you!

Happy Birthday...

PS: I read this on a card in the dollar store.. I hope it touches your heart!!

The last line was because I told him...I had wanted him to pick me out something. I didn't care if it was from the dollar store..I wanted it to come from him.

A Special Day

I have never been a big birthday fan...mainly because I am a big birthday fan and when the day comes, it doesn't seem special. I don't know, I usually go out of my way to make the people around me feel super special on their day. Well, today is my birthday. But this year, it is different...I got tons of emails this morning from friends wishing me a happy birthday. And of course, my parents, first thing...wished me a happy birthday...

What sucks is that I had he worse stomache virus yesterday so I am keeping my distance from people...I mean this thing was brutal..I still have the knots twisting but I feel a million times better.

But I have to tell you....Mr. Porsche truly stepped up to the plate today. At 12:35AM an email came through....which made me realize that materialistic things are so non fulfilling but a note from the heart that says "you are appreciated" is priceless...

So I hesitate to share it..because that was one of the reasons MM left me. He was flipped that I incorporated his emails into my blog. He said it was private..and I put it in my blog so I would have it for years to come. You can't print these things, you can only keep them somewhere and my blog has been my hidden journal.

I will share with you the excerpts later..because it was very special...and no matter what...this is going to be a real special day...because he made it that way.

Of course, in the back of my mind, I am hoping MM remembers and says Happy Birthday. I know it shouldn't matter but it does.

Flashbacks

I am up very late working many nights. And quite frankly, it is this time of the night when those flashbacks come flooding through. Is it because it is quiet in the house? Is it because my mind is unwinding? I usually choose a tedious, not too creative brain work that needs to be done. Tonight, I am working on a mailing list sorting.....obviously not very challenging because I am listening to music I had put together awhile ago and now I realize that its filled with memories....funny how music can also spark flashbacks...

I was a little afraid today. I really thought I was losing it. My mind was in so many fragmented pieces.....I know that sounds crazy but I was multi-tasking on so many levels that I couldn't remember anything...I lost my money card three times....I just was a mess. I know I am in a funky place right now. After a shower, I felt a little better...whew....I can't lose it. I think I just hit overload.

So, I was sitting here tonight and thinking...flashbacks of me and MM coming flying in my head. We have so many memories.....so many good times......and even the simplest moments like us lying in bed and him holding me in his arms and a song playing "Chasing Cars"...nothing special happened at that moment but it was the emotional balance and satisfaction I was feeling just at that moment.....the way we just had wild sex and slow intense sex, I was exhausted and there was no other place in the world I would have wanted to be.

It hit me the other day when I was writing him back.....Everyone on Ashley Madison and 80% of the world looking for is looking for someone who they feel that void fulfilled, have mindblowin sex and someone that you can laugh with and makes you enjoy the time you aren't together by great communication.. And that's what we had. Yes, there was stuff missing....but ironically I had what I had been searching for..... amazing sex and laughter. So how do you throw that away? And even more scary, will I ever find it again?

Mr. Porsche and I are on a different level...a very different level. He is my best friend, my protector in so many ways and my business intellectual confidant. Is it possible to have such a different relationship with two lovers. The two together truly completed me. And since they both have their wives, I shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest (but somehow MM made me feel dirty and slutty).

Trapped

When a relationship ends, its like a death. You go through the grieving process. First, denial, guilt, anger and then I am not sure what happens but acceptance is the end. Today, I am at Stage 2 and 3....not just with MM but with all aspects of my life. Let's just say sweet, caring Cheri is on a rampage.

Security Man is getting on my nerves....his cool dude attitude all of a sudden is not flyin with me. I have taken a 180 since MM and I have ended. I don't know why....when MM left (for te 750th time) Security Man was the replacement. Isn't that ironic....men have replaced him in my life because he leaves....and when he comes back, I had always taken him back..why...it felt right. But now he judges me....silence, no return emails.....once again he controls everything. Reality he doesn't care about how I feel, its all about him. If he cared, he wouldn't be so damn cold and let it end where I am feeling its my fault.

Anyway, I wish the world would stop for a few days. Let me just take a breath and catch up. I am working so damn hard, trying to keep it together...but I am beginning to lose it at the seams. And my period, no sign of it. Just peachy keen! Wow oh wow....this sucks...I did pregnancy tests and they were negative but my hormonal imbalance is wild right now.

So.....now what?!? Rumor has it through some far off source 6 states away that my husband and I are getting divorced. Funny how things can go that far.....maybe he is planning something which we all know is fine with me.

Okay, its off my chest.

Today Ashley Madison sent out an email looking for people to be on Good Morning America to talk about being on Ashley Madison. Hmmm.... I think I will pass.....do you remember the old Tony the Tiger commercial where the light moves off the anonymous person...oh I can just see that happening. My opinion is that Ashley Madison needs to stay underground in that hidden world where you have to do a search to find it like I did originally. Not so much publicity. BUT I also don't blame them. From a marketing perspective, it is an excellent move on their part. Sex sells and cheating spouses sell more. Remember the old Pina Colada song, now there is something you don't want to happen....