Today, I was feeling wreckless. Like I am on a mission to heal some of this broken heart. Like I need to feel that excitement again so the hurt will go away. An excellent day with work....two kick ass meetings in a row. All my important stuff done...and the fact that I slept two hours each night all week....I was wiped. But the thought of going home to think was too much.
Okay...I haven't been checking off my list lately. Trying new things that I've never done. I always was amazed when I would hear about someone who would have two dates in one day. Okay, I'm due. Three new guys on the burner.....I am going to call two of them. And so I did...one meeting at two and then another at four. Yup, I needed to get this head back on straight.
First meeting...he was so nice. A little quiet but a gentleman and so sweet. And so damn cute. I really enjoyed his company. He's 42 but he reminds me of a 28 year old. His friends are still little kids, his attitude was still fresh and young. I really liked him. As we were leaving, he leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. Good conversation.....but not 100% sure the connection was there. I was attracted but we definitely would have to do another meeting for me to see if I was into him. He texted me as I was driving...."Thanks for lunch. You are so damn hot!!" Wow, that felt good. How funny that I am so insecure. I don't see myself as hot. Fun, enthusiastic, flirty...yeah, without a doubt. Even cute and sweet. But so damn hot....I had to laugh.
Next meeting......the PI and bounty hunter. A man of mystery, dangerous job, dangerous connection but I am now convinced I like that. Actually, I like that he is willing to be so open and talk to me. He has secret identities...its like James Bond....lol We met at the diner. I pulled up and unfortunately had to take a phone call....I was talking in my car and he was watching me. I got out....and we walked inside. We talked and talked and talked for two hours. Never a lull.....So PI, what did you think when you first met me? "You are wild, hot, honest and a genuine person!" Really? Hmm...twice in one day called hot (put in my notes, wear suit and blue silk shirt more often). All that from watching me talking on the phone? Well the wild is where he said came from watching me on the phone. Here is a girl who has been up for three days straight and he said my moving of hands, my whole body language screamed energy! Interesting.....and the honest and genuine? The fact that while I was on the phone, I had constant eye contact--smiling at him, continuing my conversation as we got out of the car but acknowledging him...and then when we got inside....he said listening to what I was saying...firm, sweet and confident...interesting...
So we talked and at one point our feet touched...you could feel a spark. Another time I reached across to touch his bracelet...and our eyes met....poof....another sexual connection. Wow, this had potential. A total gentleman.....with a wild side....without a doubt. We walked out to his car, super dark tinted windows.....and it was freezing and I had to go. We said we would talk...and hopefully get together this week. Our eyes met.....and then our lips met with a gentle kiss. And as we separated.....we both leaned in for a second kiss...... and then we spoke and then our lips seem to be like magnets,we were saying something but our lips came together and this time our tongues touched for 3 seconds maybe....oh, we had to part...this was going to go further if we stayed there....
We said good by and I ran to my car....inside...nice and warm....somewhat feeling alittle fulfilled but still that sadness. This guy had potential to make me forget.
I wrote off the guy who had had the drug problem. His marriage is volatile...something I don't want to get involved in...I feel a bad vibe about him.
And then I came home....home to a man who refused to give me money to pay the mortgage. I needed $300 from him....and it was like squeezing it out of a stone. Oh, my mortgage is almost $3,000 mind you. What an ass.....it's getting ugly here. Since my affairs ended, my temperment has been real crappy. I have not tolerance for him anymore. Anger is what is left. Angry that I have to work until I am physically sick. It's coming to a head. Tonight, it got really ugly here.....the computer died.....I won't be able to look for a job unless you fix it. Oh! I went crazy.....if he doesn't leave tonight with all the horrible things I said, he's never going to leave.
I hate being so vicious...that is not me. It's not my temperment, its not who I am. He brings out this side of me that I hate, that I am not..only with him.
Another Saturday night, sitting home with the kids. This life sucks...
Friday, November 30, 2007
Fall Off The Cheating Horse, Hop Back On!
Thanks for all your warm wishes and caring....I am better today. The lack of sleep, the emotional rollercoaster....I was truly a mess. I threw on some makeup and threw myself into my work yesterday. I haven't been sleeping because I have been working 18-20 hour days.....but yesterday as I was walking and discussing business with clients...I felt my walls going back up. Yeah, my business gear truly helped me get my shit together....I could feel the walls go up, my professionalism taking over and that empty feeling pushed down smaller...like a zip file..it was compressed inside...
Well there are a new lot of men on Ashley Madison and Philanderers. Why? There was an article in a paper this weekend about Lunchtime Affairs and both were mentioned. So I decided to take a browse to see all the new potentials.... a new slew of men and women to talk too!! Woo Hoo!!
Actually, I didn't have to browse....I got a whole new bunch of messages in my in box. I love reading the profiles. I love trying to figure out a person's personality, what is going on in their life etc. etc. I spoke with two guys yesterday. One was a definite no.....the second one....we started off wrong. His profile was so into I love working out that I just wrote him back..thanks but I have no time to workout, don't think we would be a match.
He writes back...hey girl...that's important to me, doesn't have to be important to you...okay, here we go.....then he goes on to tell me that he is a Private Investigator....oh geez....here is a man who is professionally sneaky and catches cheaters (amongst other people).... he gave me a fictitious name, fictitious place he lived..... oh yes, just what I need...a total Mystery Man. What is with me and mystery men... I wrote back...thanks but no thanks...been down that path, TWICE...won't do it again. Real first name, real town or we have no connection. And he did give it to me....(or so I think). It turns out he's a really nice guy. We spoke for awhile last night...
Let's play Private Investigator I said....... "I see you across the way at the bar. You are working but I don't know it....I am not the mark but our eyes connect. Those sparkling blue eyes, I cannot resist....I don't break the stare, just take a sip of my drink....yes, I give you my seductive, innocent face....the one you say you like so much in my pix..... you stroll over to me, our eyes still connected....hi! your work is forgotten.....you buy me a drink and we start to talk....let's get out of here..I say.....
Well he liked the role play...lol
I'm meeting someone today for coffee. A guy on Ashley that I have seen before....a guy who I thought was cute but didn't respond to because I was so happy with Mystery Man. I sent him a wink this past weekend and he responded. WE've been talking back and forth. I think he's nice but I emailed him yesterday for a time and no response. He said he was calling me today...but you know what...I have work....well, if he picks one of the times I gave him..then I will meet but otherwise-he's another controller and I am not in the mood for a rude controller.
Well its Friday....finally. The week from HELL!! It's finally almost over....I hate the end of the month. The pressure to pay the bills today...I have to figure out how to get the mortgage money. This is too much pressure for me. Can I buy a new life? lol Have a great weekend..I will let you know how my meetings go!
Well there are a new lot of men on Ashley Madison and Philanderers. Why? There was an article in a paper this weekend about Lunchtime Affairs and both were mentioned. So I decided to take a browse to see all the new potentials.... a new slew of men and women to talk too!! Woo Hoo!!
Actually, I didn't have to browse....I got a whole new bunch of messages in my in box. I love reading the profiles. I love trying to figure out a person's personality, what is going on in their life etc. etc. I spoke with two guys yesterday. One was a definite no.....the second one....we started off wrong. His profile was so into I love working out that I just wrote him back..thanks but I have no time to workout, don't think we would be a match.
He writes back...hey girl...that's important to me, doesn't have to be important to you...okay, here we go.....then he goes on to tell me that he is a Private Investigator....oh geez....here is a man who is professionally sneaky and catches cheaters (amongst other people).... he gave me a fictitious name, fictitious place he lived..... oh yes, just what I need...a total Mystery Man. What is with me and mystery men... I wrote back...thanks but no thanks...been down that path, TWICE...won't do it again. Real first name, real town or we have no connection. And he did give it to me....(or so I think). It turns out he's a really nice guy. We spoke for awhile last night...
Let's play Private Investigator I said....... "I see you across the way at the bar. You are working but I don't know it....I am not the mark but our eyes connect. Those sparkling blue eyes, I cannot resist....I don't break the stare, just take a sip of my drink....yes, I give you my seductive, innocent face....the one you say you like so much in my pix..... you stroll over to me, our eyes still connected....hi! your work is forgotten.....you buy me a drink and we start to talk....let's get out of here..I say.....
Well he liked the role play...lol
I'm meeting someone today for coffee. A guy on Ashley that I have seen before....a guy who I thought was cute but didn't respond to because I was so happy with Mystery Man. I sent him a wink this past weekend and he responded. WE've been talking back and forth. I think he's nice but I emailed him yesterday for a time and no response. He said he was calling me today...but you know what...I have work....well, if he picks one of the times I gave him..then I will meet but otherwise-he's another controller and I am not in the mood for a rude controller.
Well its Friday....finally. The week from HELL!! It's finally almost over....I hate the end of the month. The pressure to pay the bills today...I have to figure out how to get the mortgage money. This is too much pressure for me. Can I buy a new life? lol Have a great weekend..I will let you know how my meetings go!
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Closure for DigEm -Closest to HEAVEN
In Memory Of My Time With DigEm....
I think that everyone that enters your life does so for a reason. Some are more relevant and leave a lasting impression. DigEm was that for me. What we had was truly on a deeper level. I've never met a man like him. Most men I meet, there is a little wall, a little thinking before you say something, even with a spouse...there are things you say and things you don't. Do you share every feeling with your spouse? Do you just totally open up and give them total access to your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your wants? Do you sit around giggling and laughing about the silliest little things, finish each others sentences?
On the other side...does your spouse offer total support? Do they tell you how amazing you are everyday and give you the emotional balance you need to face the world no matter what your day was? Do they call or text you as soon as that important meeting was over to see how it went? Do they tell you that you can do it..build you up so you have the strength to accomplish something that you were beginning to doubt?
Well DigEm was all that for me and more. He was a true friend...he was exactly what I need in my life. He made me realize that there are men out there like that...that can make me feel and support me....be my partner. Be a true soulmate. He joked that he was really a woman....he thought like a woman, he was programmed just like me. We were two peas in a pod.
And I gave back and tried to be as supportive as I could for him. The more we both gave, the more we would give. Constantly making sure that we both got what we needed. Giving advice, reassuring each other....truly being there for one another like I have never had before.
SO....what did I learn from this experience? That there is hopefully another DigEm out there that will local here and available. I admit it, if DigEm had been in my area, I really do think that I would have thought about a future for us. I used to think how amazing it would be to be married to him (or someone like him). I used to tell him he was a rare gem.....so I learned here. I learned what it feels like to have a healthy sharing relationship. I learned that there are men out there that can be partners...in all sense of the word. I imagined that I was cooking dinner and he would walk in the door and slip up behind me and kiss me. That we would do it all together.....
So, I think he was my far off Mr. MArried Prince Charming. He was the real McCoy...but it could never be because of the statelines.
His last words to me on voicemail...."I didn't want to text goodby, I know you would want to hear my voice so I am so glad that I got your voicemail. It would be too upsetting for me to talk with you. I'm pretty much in tears at the thought of saying goodby and talking to you would make me breakdown. (long delay) I will talk to you as soon as I can. I wish you all the best."
And his final text--"Maybe some day soon I will call you from work or visit your blog. Till then, bye for now. I wish you all the love you've given to me"
DigEm--Well if you ever get to my blog. Just know, you've given me things that no one has ever given me. I want to thank you. Some things I guess are learning experiences, I can't help to think what WE would have been like together. Just know that I do love you. I don't know exactly in what way--its a love I truly have never experienced before you. But do know, my friendship is always there. Thank you and I LOVE YOU!!
We always said our relationship was like Heaven. When you call my phone, there is a hold until I pick up....and the song Heaven plays (he knows that was for him..of course no one else did...our little secret!)
Thanks for letting me unload...I needed to put this closure in my blog. I feel like a character in the book The Notebook...who knows, maybe our paths will cross in 10 years...we could grow old together....this is the type of man I want to grow old with..
I think that everyone that enters your life does so for a reason. Some are more relevant and leave a lasting impression. DigEm was that for me. What we had was truly on a deeper level. I've never met a man like him. Most men I meet, there is a little wall, a little thinking before you say something, even with a spouse...there are things you say and things you don't. Do you share every feeling with your spouse? Do you just totally open up and give them total access to your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your wants? Do you sit around giggling and laughing about the silliest little things, finish each others sentences?
On the other side...does your spouse offer total support? Do they tell you how amazing you are everyday and give you the emotional balance you need to face the world no matter what your day was? Do they call or text you as soon as that important meeting was over to see how it went? Do they tell you that you can do it..build you up so you have the strength to accomplish something that you were beginning to doubt?
Well DigEm was all that for me and more. He was a true friend...he was exactly what I need in my life. He made me realize that there are men out there like that...that can make me feel and support me....be my partner. Be a true soulmate. He joked that he was really a woman....he thought like a woman, he was programmed just like me. We were two peas in a pod.
And I gave back and tried to be as supportive as I could for him. The more we both gave, the more we would give. Constantly making sure that we both got what we needed. Giving advice, reassuring each other....truly being there for one another like I have never had before.
SO....what did I learn from this experience? That there is hopefully another DigEm out there that will local here and available. I admit it, if DigEm had been in my area, I really do think that I would have thought about a future for us. I used to think how amazing it would be to be married to him (or someone like him). I used to tell him he was a rare gem.....so I learned here. I learned what it feels like to have a healthy sharing relationship. I learned that there are men out there that can be partners...in all sense of the word. I imagined that I was cooking dinner and he would walk in the door and slip up behind me and kiss me. That we would do it all together.....
So, I think he was my far off Mr. MArried Prince Charming. He was the real McCoy...but it could never be because of the statelines.
His last words to me on voicemail...."I didn't want to text goodby, I know you would want to hear my voice so I am so glad that I got your voicemail. It would be too upsetting for me to talk with you. I'm pretty much in tears at the thought of saying goodby and talking to you would make me breakdown. (long delay) I will talk to you as soon as I can. I wish you all the best."
And his final text--"Maybe some day soon I will call you from work or visit your blog. Till then, bye for now. I wish you all the love you've given to me"
DigEm--Well if you ever get to my blog. Just know, you've given me things that no one has ever given me. I want to thank you. Some things I guess are learning experiences, I can't help to think what WE would have been like together. Just know that I do love you. I don't know exactly in what way--its a love I truly have never experienced before you. But do know, my friendship is always there. Thank you and I LOVE YOU!!
We always said our relationship was like Heaven. When you call my phone, there is a hold until I pick up....and the song Heaven plays (he knows that was for him..of course no one else did...our little secret!)
Thanks for letting me unload...I needed to put this closure in my blog. I feel like a character in the book The Notebook...who knows, maybe our paths will cross in 10 years...we could grow old together....this is the type of man I want to grow old with..
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Pain Like I've Never Known......My Lovers Are Gone
Today was pain. Today was emptiness so deep. I lost Digem today. He had to say good by. He had no choice. He called when he knew I would be in a meeting. He text me to say good by. He couldn't say good by and hear my voice. He was choked up, he began to breakdown. I called him back, I said good by. I began to cry...tears that wouldn't stop...I had to hang up. I'll explain why he had to say good by another time. I agree, it had to be done. It's one thing when you want to end a friendship, its another when two people are forced to end a friendship. I told him I loved him. I do....I loved him as a friend. He was my pea...we always said we were two peas in a pod.
I am sitting here tonight.....crying. The tears will not stop. This is bad. I told my family I had a migraine. Not fair from the truth....I do have one. I am physically sick tonight. I just heard this song--"Lips Like Morphine"..flashbacks of me and Mystery Man having hot sex. The intensity, the passion.....a sexual connection I have never felt before. I mean I have had good sex but not like this. This was the best, most amazing, intense, passionate sex that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. What happens if I never find it again? I lost the best thing I physically have ever had. And these two years, I have tested the waters a few times and no sexual experience was mind blowing like my times with Mystery Man. Listen to this song----Can you see yourself with a lover, intensely fucking...your bodies in sync, the animalistic passion between you.....
I know, I am a drama queen today....and I am sitting here listening to a CD that we used to fuck to. All these hot songs....the flashbacks are killing me tonight. There are so many hot memories? Does he not have them too? Does he not see us in all those positions, with all that fun....me on my knees looking up, sucking his cock and him looking at me with those caring eyes and smiling and throwing me a kiss and caressing my hair and cheek....I haven't felt so empty in so long...the two loses together.....I can't even explain the intense hurt I am feeling...I am sitting here, it's like flipping a coin.... I lost my soulmate today.....I lost a man who made me feel passion and desire I have never felt. One alone, would bring me sadness. Losing both sides of my heart?? I cannot even explain the gaping hole in my chest. This has got to be my saddest day on Secret Lovers Lane EVER....Is it better to have lost and loved then never loved at all?
I need to go take a bath...the only place I can cry and no one will see my pain...my migraine is sooo bad...I actually just got sick....
I am sitting here tonight.....crying. The tears will not stop. This is bad. I told my family I had a migraine. Not fair from the truth....I do have one. I am physically sick tonight. I just heard this song--"Lips Like Morphine"..flashbacks of me and Mystery Man having hot sex. The intensity, the passion.....a sexual connection I have never felt before. I mean I have had good sex but not like this. This was the best, most amazing, intense, passionate sex that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. What happens if I never find it again? I lost the best thing I physically have ever had. And these two years, I have tested the waters a few times and no sexual experience was mind blowing like my times with Mystery Man. Listen to this song----Can you see yourself with a lover, intensely fucking...your bodies in sync, the animalistic passion between you.....
I know, I am a drama queen today....and I am sitting here listening to a CD that we used to fuck to. All these hot songs....the flashbacks are killing me tonight. There are so many hot memories? Does he not have them too? Does he not see us in all those positions, with all that fun....me on my knees looking up, sucking his cock and him looking at me with those caring eyes and smiling and throwing me a kiss and caressing my hair and cheek....I haven't felt so empty in so long...the two loses together.....I can't even explain the intense hurt I am feeling...I am sitting here, it's like flipping a coin.... I lost my soulmate today.....I lost a man who made me feel passion and desire I have never felt. One alone, would bring me sadness. Losing both sides of my heart?? I cannot even explain the gaping hole in my chest. This has got to be my saddest day on Secret Lovers Lane EVER....Is it better to have lost and loved then never loved at all?
I need to go take a bath...the only place I can cry and no one will see my pain...my migraine is sooo bad...I actually just got sick....
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
ALONE, LOST THEM ALL
Is it that time of year? I am in a total funk. I look around and I lost the closest people to me within the last few months. Most were just really good friends that I met online...it was more of a friendship connection. Others were soulmates......This week, I lost both DigEm and Mystery Man, The two men that together made me whole. Now? I feel like a lost soul. EMPTY....
And I am doing really stupid things. In search of filling this deep, deep void...I have been on Ashley Madison again--- in search of frogs. And of course, I filled up the pond again. A mixture of old frogs and new. A return of the Fireman who I flirted with for so long. The holidays are the perfect time to send a note....and there he was wanting to meet me. Of course, again, he didn't follow through. The surgeon, this one I have to meet. I can't figure out what his deal is. Claims he is dying for me but afraid to meet. JuicyMan...meeting him on Friday. Very cute, not sure about him but we are going to meet. Electric Man....well he is constantly looking for me. Contstantly tracking me down....to me he sounds like trouble....serious past drug problems, stalking a little....I say stay clear.
Well today I met Mr. Porsche. You know, the guy who is really into Controlling. I hesitated. I am definitely not my best. I am feeling gross (I gained 7 lbs from depression) and I wasn't up to my game. A game of cat and mouse. But, I figured, if I ever was going to be submissive, today may be a good day. My attitude was very vulnerable. He is being patient. He is sitting back and playing his cards.....exactly right I might add. He knows I am hurting right now, he is being totally supportive and understanding. 4 lunches....and nothing but a peck and a shoulder filled with tears. Today, he wanted to meet me. Today he wanted to fuck me but only if it was what I wanted.
We met at a local motel. He really isn't my type if I had a type but he has great eyes and a great personality. So how was the day? WOW. He controlled the day and quite frankly, he made me feel like a little inexperienced girl. Quite a different role from Mystery Man. This man was controlling but in a very sweet gentle way. I forgot how to do anything. I felt so inexperienced, it was so weird. How can you be sooo on with one guy and so timid with another.
His goal today----was to totally please me. I was the agenda. His goal was to make me cum over and over again. I've mentioned this before, I have a problem releasing. Allowing myself to go to that next level....I can't help it. I cum hard once and I won't' let myself experience any more. I will go back for some additional orgasms but not right away.
Well he didn't want that.....he knew my body...very strange since we first met. He immediately went down on me. And he knows how to use that tongue....he worked my clit, his fingers inside of me, his fingers leaning on my ass.....and his other hand squeezing my nipples so damn hard. It was uncomfortable yet hot. His tongue knew how to work....sucking,licking and doing circles. I was so wet, you could hear the wetness......I am amazed how wet I get.....
As I moaned and came, I tried to move out of his grasp. He wouldn't let me go...."no baby, I want you to let go...relax, you are going to cum again." My body beginning to squirm even more, not sure if I felt pleasure or pain....He wasnt letting me up....baby, relax....you can do it, cum again...I could hear myself moaning. I could feel my body responding again...a strange yet enticing feeling...it was hot! And so I came again...."do you know how beautiful you look when you are cumming?" I can feel my face change...the tension release, the euphoria in my eyes...its perfect..a perfect place.
Aahh, he fucked me hard and I sucked him hard. But he didn't cum. I felt like a failure. How could he not cum? Was I not hot enough for him? Obviously not....he watched me masturbate and then he lent a helping hand and got me to cum again...
We talked, we giggled, we played. It was a really nice day. It was truly fun and for me sexually satisfying. The fact that he didn't cum was disturbing. Maybe I lost my touch? Now you know there had to be an I Love Lucy moment with me.... i didn't want to get my hair wet in the shower so he tried to turn the showerhead....the showerhead came off in his hand and the water was going everywhere...the reaction on his face....I was dying laughing. I mean I couldn't catch my breath....he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye with a disapproving look and well forget it......I started gasping for air I was laughing so hard. He just looked at me and started dying with laughter.....it was too much for him to take..he just shook his head and started laughing. I'm a nut...I know it. I love to have fun....and the strangest things make me laugh.
Now here is something that is pretty intriguing. Mr. Porshe is the total opposite on what he likes in bed from Mystery Man. I mean he loves being carressed and his nipples played with, his balls rubbed and sucked and that area by his ass and he would love a rimming. Mystery Man...nipples were okay, gentle ball playing was okay but not on the priority list. He loved when I pulled his cock all the way back to me. That would make him moan. Funny how there is no one set of rules...you gotta read the person. I watched him masturbate a little....to me that tells me exactly what a man likes. So, it was fun today and if I wasn't stressed from work and from my two main men leaving...I probably would be super happy right now.
Got home, to see Mystery Man sign on Ashley. My mood switched quickly. I miss him, I miss the familiarity of our bodies. The seem to just naturally connect. I wonder if that is because it had been 8 months....did we learn each other? Have I forgotten when it was awkward? I don't think so...I think we were a good fit.
POUT!
And I am doing really stupid things. In search of filling this deep, deep void...I have been on Ashley Madison again--- in search of frogs. And of course, I filled up the pond again. A mixture of old frogs and new. A return of the Fireman who I flirted with for so long. The holidays are the perfect time to send a note....and there he was wanting to meet me. Of course, again, he didn't follow through. The surgeon, this one I have to meet. I can't figure out what his deal is. Claims he is dying for me but afraid to meet. JuicyMan...meeting him on Friday. Very cute, not sure about him but we are going to meet. Electric Man....well he is constantly looking for me. Contstantly tracking me down....to me he sounds like trouble....serious past drug problems, stalking a little....I say stay clear.
Well today I met Mr. Porsche. You know, the guy who is really into Controlling. I hesitated. I am definitely not my best. I am feeling gross (I gained 7 lbs from depression) and I wasn't up to my game. A game of cat and mouse. But, I figured, if I ever was going to be submissive, today may be a good day. My attitude was very vulnerable. He is being patient. He is sitting back and playing his cards.....exactly right I might add. He knows I am hurting right now, he is being totally supportive and understanding. 4 lunches....and nothing but a peck and a shoulder filled with tears. Today, he wanted to meet me. Today he wanted to fuck me but only if it was what I wanted.
We met at a local motel. He really isn't my type if I had a type but he has great eyes and a great personality. So how was the day? WOW. He controlled the day and quite frankly, he made me feel like a little inexperienced girl. Quite a different role from Mystery Man. This man was controlling but in a very sweet gentle way. I forgot how to do anything. I felt so inexperienced, it was so weird. How can you be sooo on with one guy and so timid with another.
His goal today----was to totally please me. I was the agenda. His goal was to make me cum over and over again. I've mentioned this before, I have a problem releasing. Allowing myself to go to that next level....I can't help it. I cum hard once and I won't' let myself experience any more. I will go back for some additional orgasms but not right away.
Well he didn't want that.....he knew my body...very strange since we first met. He immediately went down on me. And he knows how to use that tongue....he worked my clit, his fingers inside of me, his fingers leaning on my ass.....and his other hand squeezing my nipples so damn hard. It was uncomfortable yet hot. His tongue knew how to work....sucking,licking and doing circles. I was so wet, you could hear the wetness......I am amazed how wet I get.....
As I moaned and came, I tried to move out of his grasp. He wouldn't let me go...."no baby, I want you to let go...relax, you are going to cum again." My body beginning to squirm even more, not sure if I felt pleasure or pain....He wasnt letting me up....baby, relax....you can do it, cum again...I could hear myself moaning. I could feel my body responding again...a strange yet enticing feeling...it was hot! And so I came again...."do you know how beautiful you look when you are cumming?" I can feel my face change...the tension release, the euphoria in my eyes...its perfect..a perfect place.
Aahh, he fucked me hard and I sucked him hard. But he didn't cum. I felt like a failure. How could he not cum? Was I not hot enough for him? Obviously not....he watched me masturbate and then he lent a helping hand and got me to cum again...
We talked, we giggled, we played. It was a really nice day. It was truly fun and for me sexually satisfying. The fact that he didn't cum was disturbing. Maybe I lost my touch? Now you know there had to be an I Love Lucy moment with me.... i didn't want to get my hair wet in the shower so he tried to turn the showerhead....the showerhead came off in his hand and the water was going everywhere...the reaction on his face....I was dying laughing. I mean I couldn't catch my breath....he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye with a disapproving look and well forget it......I started gasping for air I was laughing so hard. He just looked at me and started dying with laughter.....it was too much for him to take..he just shook his head and started laughing. I'm a nut...I know it. I love to have fun....and the strangest things make me laugh.
Now here is something that is pretty intriguing. Mr. Porshe is the total opposite on what he likes in bed from Mystery Man. I mean he loves being carressed and his nipples played with, his balls rubbed and sucked and that area by his ass and he would love a rimming. Mystery Man...nipples were okay, gentle ball playing was okay but not on the priority list. He loved when I pulled his cock all the way back to me. That would make him moan. Funny how there is no one set of rules...you gotta read the person. I watched him masturbate a little....to me that tells me exactly what a man likes. So, it was fun today and if I wasn't stressed from work and from my two main men leaving...I probably would be super happy right now.
Got home, to see Mystery Man sign on Ashley. My mood switched quickly. I miss him, I miss the familiarity of our bodies. The seem to just naturally connect. I wonder if that is because it had been 8 months....did we learn each other? Have I forgotten when it was awkward? I don't think so...I think we were a good fit.
POUT!
Hey!
I am here just helping a friend in desperate need right now. Can't share the story right now...situation is insane. Let's just say a jealous husband that is out of control...one of those things that you see on a horror flick. We are talking police protection and guns!
Mystery Man is gone. I haven't heard from him and quite frankly I am starting to go on an out of control spiral myself. I am suffocating here again. The emptiness is deep. The men I meet are just not what I need. Ever get the feeling that something BIG is going to happen in your life? It's coming for me. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill that keeps gaining speed and size. Combustion is a good word.
So what's going on? With Mystery Man hitting the Ashley all last weekend, I managed to get in contact with 6 new frogs. Only one that I think I would want to meet. The rest are emailing like crazy to meet me.
Yesterday was a weird day. Spoke to the MySpace Guy for insurance. Mr. Springer and I met for a meeting for me to do some consulting for him and The MySpace Lawyer gave me a name of an attorney to call to see how I can get out of my marriage.
I am here just helping a friend in desperate need right now. Can't share the story right now...situation is insane. Let's just say a jealous husband that is out of control...one of those things that you see on a horror flick. We are talking police protection and guns!
Mystery Man is gone. I haven't heard from him and quite frankly I am starting to go on an out of control spiral myself. I am suffocating here again. The emptiness is deep. The men I meet are just not what I need. Ever get the feeling that something BIG is going to happen in your life? It's coming for me. I feel like a snowball rolling down a hill that keeps gaining speed and size. Combustion is a good word.
So what's going on? With Mystery Man hitting the Ashley all last weekend, I managed to get in contact with 6 new frogs. Only one that I think I would want to meet. The rest are emailing like crazy to meet me.
Yesterday was a weird day. Spoke to the MySpace Guy for insurance. Mr. Springer and I met for a meeting for me to do some consulting for him and The MySpace Lawyer gave me a name of an attorney to call to see how I can get out of my marriage.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
A Sad, Horny Marshmallow
There were times when I wanted to close the blog....felt like each of my encounters--while so 
special to me...were so repetitious when I wrote them...
I find myself returning to my blog as you turn to that favorite old pair of slippers or sweatshirt. A comfort...yes, my blog brings me comfort. Why? Because I can pour my heart and soul into it. As I write I forget that others read this....(well now I just remembered) but for the most part I am writing to relieve my heavy heart.
special to me...were so repetitious when I wrote them... I find myself returning to my blog as you turn to that favorite old pair of slippers or sweatshirt. A comfort...yes, my blog brings me comfort. Why? Because I can pour my heart and soul into it. As I write I forget that others read this....(well now I just remembered) but for the most part I am writing to relieve my heavy heart.
Familiarity is so important in our lives. The stability. Probably why most of us stay in our marriages. Probably why we stay with most things in life that we don't like or want. It's easier. I wrote that note to Mystery Man hoping that it would piss him off, that he would stand up to the plate and say--hey, stop it...I care about you. But he didn't. I drove him back to Ashley. I am sad that he didn't call me to reassure me. I jumped the gun because I wanted to be the one to take the walk first, the upper hand. Stupid but true.
He;s either gone and will find someone else or he is waiting for me to let it slide (and he will calm down too). We will either get closer because he will miss me or he will move on and forget me. We hit that point.....I am mourning the sex, I am mourning the laughs, I am mourning our offbeat connection.
I need to snap out of this today. I have too much work to do. I need to throw myself into my work. I shut off my Ashley Madison profile temporarily....I need to get my head on straight a little better, I'm not into the hunt right now. (and honestly, I have enough frogs around to play with if I get the urge to flirt).
Here's something very funny--I went to Match.com today. I wanted to see what is out there when I finally take the plunge. Well, now I need to know this. I saw at least 6 guys on there (and mind you--I didn't look at too many pages) that are also (or were recently) on Ashley. So, the question is--are they really divorced? are they married? have they gotten caught and their wives threw them out? Hmmmm.....
I signed up just to look at the pix. No profile and no picture so I certainly won't get a response. And I don't want to. It wouldn't be fair to a guy who is looking for a woman he could have a real relationship with to find me. I would wait until I was separated to go on there. Truth is I would be really pissed to find out a man I was dating who I thought was single was really married.
Okay gotta get ready for work....trying to inspire myself.....build up the energy...get out of this depression. I went to sleep early last night soI wouldn't be able to say being tired was my excuse for not getting out of bed. However, I am very lethargic...what did Mr Porshe call me, a marshmallow. He's not used to seeing me like that...most people don't see that side of me. And what's even more hysterical is that is the side you who read my blog mostly see. The soft inner me--not the facade of the successful businesswoman...
Monday, November 19, 2007
And Still I am Alone
A room filled with people--yet I am alone
A house bustling with family-yet I am alone
A computer filled with men--yet I am alone
Emptiness can hurt so much
Yearning for a man's true touch
My desires and passion run so deep and strong
It's one man to complete me that I long
So I sit here day after day so alone
In a room filled with people--I think I heard my heart just moan...
Yes, I am sad today. Sad because it didn't work out with Mystery Man. Sad because there are a 6 men in the wings....and yet, not one seems to be what I need.
Today I went to lunc with Mr. Porshe. He was my friends friend. He has been so supportive. Courting me as he says. He takes me to lunch, we sit and talk about everything. He was a true friend today. Well, a friend who yearns to show me a side of me that I haven't seen.. He wants to teach me....he is convinced that I would love a submissive role in bed. That I would truly adore it since I am so responsible in real life. I wonder if I could allow someone to control me like that? I usually want to be the one to take control....
We finished lunch, went out to his car and sucked face....he grabbed my nipples and I could feel my whole body tingle....he nibbled and bit my neck...it gave me little tingles....it might be fun to be with him. But today was not the day. He agreed. I was (in his words) a marshmallow today. A sad eyed puppy.
I got home to a message from the supposed surgeon. I'm tired of you questioning who I am . I am a surgeon....his name is not what is on his email. He still won't tell me. I am annoyed but I want to believe him. We have such nice chats. I really like him, but I am leary.
Here's the real hysterical joke of the day. That guy from yesterday turned out to be real religious. He won't fuck me because that would be a sin.....but he would do anal with me and everything else. You should stay with your Playboy model wife--sex is good. Why bother. I'm an asshole he said. I agreed with him and said nicely....we won't be fooling around. Oh we will see was his response. GREAT, another arrogant asshole!
So are there any normal guys out there. Because if there are, I haven't found them. I am off to bed, got a little stomach thing going on and I think my sadness is making it even worse. Thankfully, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, I will see the sun shining and it will bring a smile to my face.
Sweet Dreams!
A house bustling with family-yet I am alone
A computer filled with men--yet I am alone
Emptiness can hurt so much
Yearning for a man's true touch
My desires and passion run so deep and strong
It's one man to complete me that I long
So I sit here day after day so alone
In a room filled with people--I think I heard my heart just moan...
Yes, I am sad today. Sad because it didn't work out with Mystery Man. Sad because there are a 6 men in the wings....and yet, not one seems to be what I need.
Today I went to lunc with Mr. Porshe. He was my friends friend. He has been so supportive. Courting me as he says. He takes me to lunch, we sit and talk about everything. He was a true friend today. Well, a friend who yearns to show me a side of me that I haven't seen.. He wants to teach me....he is convinced that I would love a submissive role in bed. That I would truly adore it since I am so responsible in real life. I wonder if I could allow someone to control me like that? I usually want to be the one to take control....
We finished lunch, went out to his car and sucked face....he grabbed my nipples and I could feel my whole body tingle....he nibbled and bit my neck...it gave me little tingles....it might be fun to be with him. But today was not the day. He agreed. I was (in his words) a marshmallow today. A sad eyed puppy.
I got home to a message from the supposed surgeon. I'm tired of you questioning who I am . I am a surgeon....his name is not what is on his email. He still won't tell me. I am annoyed but I want to believe him. We have such nice chats. I really like him, but I am leary.
Here's the real hysterical joke of the day. That guy from yesterday turned out to be real religious. He won't fuck me because that would be a sin.....but he would do anal with me and everything else. You should stay with your Playboy model wife--sex is good. Why bother. I'm an asshole he said. I agreed with him and said nicely....we won't be fooling around. Oh we will see was his response. GREAT, another arrogant asshole!
So are there any normal guys out there. Because if there are, I haven't found them. I am off to bed, got a little stomach thing going on and I think my sadness is making it even worse. Thankfully, tomorrow is another day. Hopefully, I will see the sun shining and it will bring a smile to my face.
Sweet Dreams!
Ashley Madison Saga
"Cruising Ashley Madison on a regular basis, avoiding my losing interest comment, acting dickish, not sending those hot emails......don't forget the "good by fuck" you promised me......
That was my note to Mystery Man this morning....here I sit alone. In conclusion, I don't think I am up to the hunt anymore. The newness that was once so hot and exciting has turned into one big heartache. In some ways, I am ready to move on from Mystery Man. After 8 months, his refusal to share himself (his last name, where he lives)....But I will miss the hot sex. I admit it, it was the best sex of my life. The man found my hidden lust spots and could make me orgasm over and over again. I would be wet before I even hit the room (and he would always greet me with a nice, big hardon).
I seemed to see that once I allowed him to be dominant in the bedroom, it spilled over into real life. His attitude changed....no need to "court" me.... Maybe that role playing is not a good idea in the future. I don't know right now. My head is spinning....
Of course last night I went back on Ashley for the hunt. For a woman, it is so much easier. I mean I get on there and within 10 minutes, I was flirting with three guys. One was too cocky for me (I sent him my pix to tease him I guess). He sat there saying how he met two women and they begged him to fuck them. My wife is like a playboy model, I wouldn't want to chance it for someone that doesn't upgrade me. Definitely not my type...dick. Oh after I sent my pix, he was emailing and IMing like crazy...sorry dude....not interested with such a cocky email.
Next, is another guy who was sweet, nice but I am not sure.. a newbie. I am not into the emotional rollercoaster...plus he is into a soul connection. MY soul is destroyed right now.
And the surgeon....he swears up and down his first name is correct. That he is a surgeon. I am so confused. I really like him but I feel like I am being taken for a ride.
Then there are two others. I don't know. Yes, I could get laid tomorrow probably even today...but I guess its not what I want. I don't know what I want.. Well, I do... I want my kids healthy (and God has not blessed me with that), I want a simple life (and I can't seem to find that), I want to be in love with my husband (but that isn't happening).
Wow, I haven't felt like this in a long time. I think I am going to head back to bed for awhile. I need to start this day over again.....
That was my note to Mystery Man this morning....here I sit alone. In conclusion, I don't think I am up to the hunt anymore. The newness that was once so hot and exciting has turned into one big heartache. In some ways, I am ready to move on from Mystery Man. After 8 months, his refusal to share himself (his last name, where he lives)....But I will miss the hot sex. I admit it, it was the best sex of my life. The man found my hidden lust spots and could make me orgasm over and over again. I would be wet before I even hit the room (and he would always greet me with a nice, big hardon).
I seemed to see that once I allowed him to be dominant in the bedroom, it spilled over into real life. His attitude changed....no need to "court" me.... Maybe that role playing is not a good idea in the future. I don't know right now. My head is spinning....
Of course last night I went back on Ashley for the hunt. For a woman, it is so much easier. I mean I get on there and within 10 minutes, I was flirting with three guys. One was too cocky for me (I sent him my pix to tease him I guess). He sat there saying how he met two women and they begged him to fuck them. My wife is like a playboy model, I wouldn't want to chance it for someone that doesn't upgrade me. Definitely not my type...dick. Oh after I sent my pix, he was emailing and IMing like crazy...sorry dude....not interested with such a cocky email.
Next, is another guy who was sweet, nice but I am not sure.. a newbie. I am not into the emotional rollercoaster...plus he is into a soul connection. MY soul is destroyed right now.
And the surgeon....he swears up and down his first name is correct. That he is a surgeon. I am so confused. I really like him but I feel like I am being taken for a ride.
Then there are two others. I don't know. Yes, I could get laid tomorrow probably even today...but I guess its not what I want. I don't know what I want.. Well, I do... I want my kids healthy (and God has not blessed me with that), I want a simple life (and I can't seem to find that), I want to be in love with my husband (but that isn't happening).
Wow, I haven't felt like this in a long time. I think I am going to head back to bed for awhile. I need to start this day over again.....
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
A Birthday Story Just For Him....YUM!!
In remembrance of our hot storefront rendezvous...this is the story I sent him for his birthday. I didn't write it...but I did write a little attachment......."sounds like someone was there and wrote about us". Actually, he grab my head and thrusted his cock deep inside my mouth. Usually, I start to gag a little. This time, I relaxed, allowed him to go as deep as he wanted....he knew he reached new depths.....he was moaning with each thrust. I never realized how trust plays such a big role...oh well. I refuse to write and he hasn't written. Problem, he is as stubborn as me.
Against The Wall
My head relaxed, bending slightly to the side. His hot breath lingered along the soft curve of my neck. Searching lips scorched the delicate skin and melted into its softness. My eyes, that were closed and lost in the moment, opened slowly. I stared through their lust-filled glaze into the night sky. I noticed that the moon was barely visible, offering only a small glimmer of light to see by. The stars twinkled brightly against the ink-like blackness of the night.
I could hear voices talking excitedly nearby, as they made their way inside the bar. Music could be heard radiating through the thick wall behind me. It�s sultry beat influenced my response. He pressed me firmly against the wall, to restrain me from too much movement. His need for dominance became evident.
Roaming hands were allowed a brief moment of exploration before he grasped my wrists, pinning them above my head. One strong hand was all it took to keep me immobile from the waist up. His free hand was searching for access beyond the flimsy material that concealed my aroused flesh. I squirmed against him with false need to break free. It excited him more. My hips writhed against the swelling bulge trapped within his pants.
His mouth hungered for the soft skin heaving shamelessly from the boundary of my garment. Breathlessly he mumbled, �My God you taste so good �� His grip on my wrists loosened. �� Your scent is intoxicating.� Lightly applied White Musk wafted in the air, mixing with the aroma of imminent sex. The fragrance lured us into recklessness. His need for control was abandoned as his hand released its hold on my wrists.
We paid no attention to the people passing by in the near distance. Enticed by the forbidden chance that we might be caught, our arousal heightened. The darkness of the night and shadows cast by nearby buildings masked our secret encounter. Despite knowing this, I knew our intensifying moans of lust could give us away at any moment. My freed hands pulled him closer. I couldn�t help but grope his hard cock through the fabric. The temptation to satisfy my curiosity drew me in. I teased him deliberately.
He backed away slightly, hesitating a moment in enjoyment. Sensations coursed through his body, which left him in a needful state. His hands were pressed hard against the roughness of the wall to steady himself. � Mmmm � Your so hard.� I announced. Gazing deeply into his eyes, I taunted him with the devilish grin that spread across my face. �Is all that for me?� I asked in a breathless whisper.
Playing into the game I had begun, he answered, � Damn right it is �� his mouth covered mine hungrily. His kiss was demanding at first � then softened. His lips slowly parted from mine, neither of us wanting the kiss to end. � � And you�ll love every inch of it.� He concluded in a barely audible voice.
I didn�t let on, but I never doubted the enjoyment I would encounter. The past familiarity we shared had prepared me for our impending intimacy. Over time, the flames of desire had burned fiercely. Which ultimately stripped away any restraint I might of possessed. The control he felt he needed to obtain had already been bestowed upon him.
There we stood between two buildings groping each other with wild abandonment. His hand slipped under my skirt and forced my legs further apart. He searched for the pleasure that overflowed within me. He smiled confidently, as his fingers slipped beyond the silk material concealing my wet pussy. The look on his face told me such an eager response to his touch hadn�t been foreseen. He was pleased with himself.
Slowly, he began to slide his fingers in and out of my wetness. He teased my clit intentionally between each thrust. If his intentions were to drive me crazy it was working. I held on tightly grinding my hips against him like a bitch in heat. Each wave of pleasure was more intense than the one before, as my orgasm drew nearer.
� Ohhhh � God � Yessssss!� stumbled out of my mouth. The uncontrollable spasms of release had descended upon me. I rode each wave of passion until it began to subside. He slipped his fingers from my pussy and brought them closer to his face. With both fingers completely immersed in his mouth he began to suck my juices from them. His eyes closed as I watched him inhale the sweet scent of desire.
Satisfied he had devoured every lingering trace, I heard him command, � Get on your knees � now.� He was quiet so as not to call attention to us, yet his voice remained firm. I knelt willingly before him on a small patch of grass growing between the buildings. He unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper until it wouldn�t go any further. I noticed that he was having difficulty sliding his jeans down over his hard cock. It had become so swollen with arousal that I think it even surprised him. In the faint starlight, I detected a glint of pre-cum glistening at the tip. It was enticing me to take a taste � to lick it clean. Then begged for me to suck his hardness for more. His cock twitched in anticipation, beckoning me to fulfill its need.
I admired his thickness for only a moment, before I felt his hand cup the back of my head. Urging me forward. His fingers entangled within my hair to anchor his grasp. �Suck me.� he ordered in a low growl. I lowered my mouth over his length until I wasn�t able to take anymore. My lips hugged his cock tightly, as I began my slow torturous descent. � Mmmm, Yeah that�s it baby.�
My mouth slid hungrily up and down his cock. The rhythm accelerated, as I became more comfortable with his size. I became obsessed with the task at hand, sucking him harder and faster. I wanted to hear him beg for release � to lose control.
His grasp on my head tightened, as he held me still to receive his thrusts. I fondled his balls with my free hand, raking my nails lightly along the taut skin. He slowed his frantic pace to keep from releasing too soon. Both of my hands slid around to cup the well-defined roundness of his backside. I caressed the soft flesh invitingly, which almost sent him over the edge. His thrusting stopped abruptly. �Stop �� he begged, �I�m not ready yet.� I moaned in disapproval, as my lips slipped from the end of his cock. �Get up.�
He had something else in mind � something I longed for. To feel him deep inside of me, filling me completely with his hard cock. Fucking me hard and fast until neither of us could hold back any longer. I stood slowly, brushing the remnants of sand that clung to my knees. He was impatient. His lips assaulted mine with intense need. I reciprocated feverishly, with no intention of denying my own needs.
His hands clawed at my top trying to release my breast from its prison. He found success, as my left breast was exposed to the night air. The darkened color of my nipple stood out against the paleness of my skin. He leaned down and caught the erect nipple in his mouth, sucking at it hard. His tongue teased me in between each playful nibble. I didn�t know if I wanted to pull him closer or beg him to stop. Within seconds, the decision was no longer mine.
Turning me around to face the wall, he lifted the bottom of my skirt, so that the backside rested at my waist. �You better use the wall to steady yourself.� He suggested. I bent slightly at the waist and did as he said. With my hands against the wall I felt him tug at the sides of my lacy panties. Evidently, they didn�t give way as he intended. I felt him tear at each side until the unwanted restriction was removed. They lay in a heap on the ground beside my feet no longer functional. His intensity scared me a little � yet excited me too.
For some reason I briefly glanced toward the exit of the bar. A couple of guys stood outside and appeared to be talking quietly to each other. �Had they heard us?� I wondered silently. They looked around inquisitively, as if searching for something they heard, but couldn�t see.
I felt the head of his cock pressing against me from behind. He rubbed it up and down the length of my pussy until it was covered with my juices. His fingers slipped in and out of my hole a couple of times. I felt him position the head of his cock against my opening once again and waited for the initial thrust. He grasped my hips firmly and plunged forward. His hard swollen cock pierced the tightness surrounding my womanhood. I flinched at the initial discomfort, but quickly surrendered to the delightful fullness I felt deep within. His cock, slick with cum, slid in easily. Until his groin rested against my fleshy cheeks � unable to plunge any deeper.
A groan of undeniable ecstasy escaped his lips. I mirrored his verbal approval with my own deep moan of appreciation. My hand involuntarily reached for my exposed nipple. Rolling and pinching it between my fingers I waited for the emptiness of his outstroke � followed by another deep thrust into my tingling depths. Every nerve ending felt alive with sexual tension. He continued teasing me, slowly pulling outward � then thrusting deep. It wasn�t long before I insisted he stop the insatiable teasing. �Fuck me damn it!�
At my request, he began driving his hard cock into me. He had every intention of continuing until he had nothing left to offer. His deep hard thrusts gave new meaning to the saying, �Hurts so good.� It wasn�t long before I was pounding against him in perfect unison. I abandoned the need to touch myself, when I realized both hands would be needed to steady myself against his driving force. I held on tightly to the brick support I found necessary, while my sanity slipped between the cracks of the wall. Our impending climax heightened. I was so close �
The climatic quiver began in my toes and vibrated throughout my entire body. The intensity seemed to double once it reached my pussy. I could feel it throb involuntarily around his shaft. He couldn�t hold back any longer. Thrusting into me one final time he emptied his load into my depths. He pressed against me exhausted allowing my orgasm to milk him dry.
His spent member slipped slowly from between my legs, as it was still very sensitive to touch. I turned toward him and began to readjust my clothing. A smile was upon both our faces. I guess I could assume confidently, that both of us were completely satisfied with the night�s outcome. He fastened the button on his pants. �So, are you planning on going in?� he asked. He nodded towards the back door that people had been using all night. �Or would you prefer to go somewhere else?�
That little devilish grin formed on my lips once again, as I replied, �Somewhere else sounds like a lot more fun. You coming?�
�You know I will.�
Against The Wall
My head relaxed, bending slightly to the side. His hot breath lingered along the soft curve of my neck. Searching lips scorched the delicate skin and melted into its softness. My eyes, that were closed and lost in the moment, opened slowly. I stared through their lust-filled glaze into the night sky. I noticed that the moon was barely visible, offering only a small glimmer of light to see by. The stars twinkled brightly against the ink-like blackness of the night.
I could hear voices talking excitedly nearby, as they made their way inside the bar. Music could be heard radiating through the thick wall behind me. It�s sultry beat influenced my response. He pressed me firmly against the wall, to restrain me from too much movement. His need for dominance became evident.
Roaming hands were allowed a brief moment of exploration before he grasped my wrists, pinning them above my head. One strong hand was all it took to keep me immobile from the waist up. His free hand was searching for access beyond the flimsy material that concealed my aroused flesh. I squirmed against him with false need to break free. It excited him more. My hips writhed against the swelling bulge trapped within his pants.
His mouth hungered for the soft skin heaving shamelessly from the boundary of my garment. Breathlessly he mumbled, �My God you taste so good �� His grip on my wrists loosened. �� Your scent is intoxicating.� Lightly applied White Musk wafted in the air, mixing with the aroma of imminent sex. The fragrance lured us into recklessness. His need for control was abandoned as his hand released its hold on my wrists.
We paid no attention to the people passing by in the near distance. Enticed by the forbidden chance that we might be caught, our arousal heightened. The darkness of the night and shadows cast by nearby buildings masked our secret encounter. Despite knowing this, I knew our intensifying moans of lust could give us away at any moment. My freed hands pulled him closer. I couldn�t help but grope his hard cock through the fabric. The temptation to satisfy my curiosity drew me in. I teased him deliberately.
He backed away slightly, hesitating a moment in enjoyment. Sensations coursed through his body, which left him in a needful state. His hands were pressed hard against the roughness of the wall to steady himself. � Mmmm � Your so hard.� I announced. Gazing deeply into his eyes, I taunted him with the devilish grin that spread across my face. �Is all that for me?� I asked in a breathless whisper.
Playing into the game I had begun, he answered, � Damn right it is �� his mouth covered mine hungrily. His kiss was demanding at first � then softened. His lips slowly parted from mine, neither of us wanting the kiss to end. � � And you�ll love every inch of it.� He concluded in a barely audible voice.
I didn�t let on, but I never doubted the enjoyment I would encounter. The past familiarity we shared had prepared me for our impending intimacy. Over time, the flames of desire had burned fiercely. Which ultimately stripped away any restraint I might of possessed. The control he felt he needed to obtain had already been bestowed upon him.
There we stood between two buildings groping each other with wild abandonment. His hand slipped under my skirt and forced my legs further apart. He searched for the pleasure that overflowed within me. He smiled confidently, as his fingers slipped beyond the silk material concealing my wet pussy. The look on his face told me such an eager response to his touch hadn�t been foreseen. He was pleased with himself.
Slowly, he began to slide his fingers in and out of my wetness. He teased my clit intentionally between each thrust. If his intentions were to drive me crazy it was working. I held on tightly grinding my hips against him like a bitch in heat. Each wave of pleasure was more intense than the one before, as my orgasm drew nearer.
� Ohhhh � God � Yessssss!� stumbled out of my mouth. The uncontrollable spasms of release had descended upon me. I rode each wave of passion until it began to subside. He slipped his fingers from my pussy and brought them closer to his face. With both fingers completely immersed in his mouth he began to suck my juices from them. His eyes closed as I watched him inhale the sweet scent of desire.
Satisfied he had devoured every lingering trace, I heard him command, � Get on your knees � now.� He was quiet so as not to call attention to us, yet his voice remained firm. I knelt willingly before him on a small patch of grass growing between the buildings. He unbuttoned his jeans and lowered the zipper until it wouldn�t go any further. I noticed that he was having difficulty sliding his jeans down over his hard cock. It had become so swollen with arousal that I think it even surprised him. In the faint starlight, I detected a glint of pre-cum glistening at the tip. It was enticing me to take a taste � to lick it clean. Then begged for me to suck his hardness for more. His cock twitched in anticipation, beckoning me to fulfill its need.
I admired his thickness for only a moment, before I felt his hand cup the back of my head. Urging me forward. His fingers entangled within my hair to anchor his grasp. �Suck me.� he ordered in a low growl. I lowered my mouth over his length until I wasn�t able to take anymore. My lips hugged his cock tightly, as I began my slow torturous descent. � Mmmm, Yeah that�s it baby.�
My mouth slid hungrily up and down his cock. The rhythm accelerated, as I became more comfortable with his size. I became obsessed with the task at hand, sucking him harder and faster. I wanted to hear him beg for release � to lose control.
His grasp on my head tightened, as he held me still to receive his thrusts. I fondled his balls with my free hand, raking my nails lightly along the taut skin. He slowed his frantic pace to keep from releasing too soon. Both of my hands slid around to cup the well-defined roundness of his backside. I caressed the soft flesh invitingly, which almost sent him over the edge. His thrusting stopped abruptly. �Stop �� he begged, �I�m not ready yet.� I moaned in disapproval, as my lips slipped from the end of his cock. �Get up.�
He had something else in mind � something I longed for. To feel him deep inside of me, filling me completely with his hard cock. Fucking me hard and fast until neither of us could hold back any longer. I stood slowly, brushing the remnants of sand that clung to my knees. He was impatient. His lips assaulted mine with intense need. I reciprocated feverishly, with no intention of denying my own needs.
His hands clawed at my top trying to release my breast from its prison. He found success, as my left breast was exposed to the night air. The darkened color of my nipple stood out against the paleness of my skin. He leaned down and caught the erect nipple in his mouth, sucking at it hard. His tongue teased me in between each playful nibble. I didn�t know if I wanted to pull him closer or beg him to stop. Within seconds, the decision was no longer mine.
Turning me around to face the wall, he lifted the bottom of my skirt, so that the backside rested at my waist. �You better use the wall to steady yourself.� He suggested. I bent slightly at the waist and did as he said. With my hands against the wall I felt him tug at the sides of my lacy panties. Evidently, they didn�t give way as he intended. I felt him tear at each side until the unwanted restriction was removed. They lay in a heap on the ground beside my feet no longer functional. His intensity scared me a little � yet excited me too.
For some reason I briefly glanced toward the exit of the bar. A couple of guys stood outside and appeared to be talking quietly to each other. �Had they heard us?� I wondered silently. They looked around inquisitively, as if searching for something they heard, but couldn�t see.
I felt the head of his cock pressing against me from behind. He rubbed it up and down the length of my pussy until it was covered with my juices. His fingers slipped in and out of my hole a couple of times. I felt him position the head of his cock against my opening once again and waited for the initial thrust. He grasped my hips firmly and plunged forward. His hard swollen cock pierced the tightness surrounding my womanhood. I flinched at the initial discomfort, but quickly surrendered to the delightful fullness I felt deep within. His cock, slick with cum, slid in easily. Until his groin rested against my fleshy cheeks � unable to plunge any deeper.
A groan of undeniable ecstasy escaped his lips. I mirrored his verbal approval with my own deep moan of appreciation. My hand involuntarily reached for my exposed nipple. Rolling and pinching it between my fingers I waited for the emptiness of his outstroke � followed by another deep thrust into my tingling depths. Every nerve ending felt alive with sexual tension. He continued teasing me, slowly pulling outward � then thrusting deep. It wasn�t long before I insisted he stop the insatiable teasing. �Fuck me damn it!�
At my request, he began driving his hard cock into me. He had every intention of continuing until he had nothing left to offer. His deep hard thrusts gave new meaning to the saying, �Hurts so good.� It wasn�t long before I was pounding against him in perfect unison. I abandoned the need to touch myself, when I realized both hands would be needed to steady myself against his driving force. I held on tightly to the brick support I found necessary, while my sanity slipped between the cracks of the wall. Our impending climax heightened. I was so close �
The climatic quiver began in my toes and vibrated throughout my entire body. The intensity seemed to double once it reached my pussy. I could feel it throb involuntarily around his shaft. He couldn�t hold back any longer. Thrusting into me one final time he emptied his load into my depths. He pressed against me exhausted allowing my orgasm to milk him dry.
His spent member slipped slowly from between my legs, as it was still very sensitive to touch. I turned toward him and began to readjust my clothing. A smile was upon both our faces. I guess I could assume confidently, that both of us were completely satisfied with the night�s outcome. He fastened the button on his pants. �So, are you planning on going in?� he asked. He nodded towards the back door that people had been using all night. �Or would you prefer to go somewhere else?�
That little devilish grin formed on my lips once again, as I replied, �Somewhere else sounds like a lot more fun. You coming?�
�You know I will.�
Monday, November 12, 2007
Thanks for Being A DicK!
An Erotica Story that would make any guy hard (I'll post it later)....and then I made up these little postcards for him.. Every few hours, I sent one. The last one...was a pix with me and all these personal parts of me. All the hot things we've done....use this when we aren't together...even a pix of my clit was on there.
No response so I sent a note since I haven't heard from him all week "Should I be worrying about you?" This is the response that I got:
"First time I checked email since last week been really busy. Nice
story you sent! BTW, I don't really like birthday discussions, but thanks for the nice thoughts."
story you sent! BTW, I don't really like birthday discussions, but thanks for the nice thoughts."
Oh yeah, I feel like I was smacked in the face. You know how I feel about birthdays....I like to make someone feel special on their day. Flowers saying Birthdays are special, enjoy yours. deserves a nice thought response.
I was shocked by his lack of funny response or sexy response. This is a business note.
DigEm is gone. I didn't even respond to his note today or over the weekend. He wrote to tell me he had a good date. Great for him. He's desperate to find someone but not desperate enough for me.
And now Mystery Man, I want to crawl into a hole tonight. How could I go from such contentment to TOTAL EMPTINESS.....the two men who completed me are gone. Oh, MR. Porshe is still around....but I am not into it. The Surgeon has been back but according to him I am too dangerous to meet. Please, what does that mean...?
So, quite honestly, right now, I am alone. It's by choice in a way. But the men who completed me are gone. the good news, the emptiness is not as bad as it was in the past....mainly because my life is better in other areas. But I don't know what I am going to do without these two.
I am not going to answer his note. I am going to just ignore it. Let's see if he writes back again.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Drifting...contemplating....thinking....
I've been writing this blog for over 2 years now. Yup! It was August 2005, that I mentally separated from my marriage. A very sad thing....I so wish we were in love, I so wish that he would have supported the family, been there for me as a husband. But it just didn't happen. So now it is over 2 years later, and I am looking around and saying....now what?
This blog has tremendously helped me grow....it helped me survive those brutal days that I seriously had contemplated horrible things but because of my children, I stuck it out. And I am glad that I did....because I am now starting to emerge and build a posssible life that I will be able to take care of my kids....just me. Actually, God works in funny ways. Awhile back, I cried to him, begging him to show me, give me a hint on what I need to do. I know this sounds weird, he really has been setting my path.
With hubby out of work these past few months....it has shown me that I can take care of the kids and the family. He hasn't contributed a penny...he's sinking into a deeper and deeper depression and right now, I can't leave him. I am once again stuck here....till he hopefully gets his life together a little. Let's be realistic here, I can't ask him for a divorce now....he has nothing..I can't just throw him out on the street. Funny how life takes its turns.
My best friend left tonight. I cried...I guess that is where my deep thought are coming from. Our best friends leave (the hubby has been over there all day, I mean this is his childhood friend--he is pretty upset).
My girlfriend is moving because she had enough. Her husband isn't making enough and she is just damn tired of workig so hard. so she told him,we are moving. I wonder if I should have done that years ago....do you think it would have changed anything?
Okay, I am exhausted. I have been working endlessly. No time for anything but work. Wow, I have been turning into a boring soul......its different now, I cant explain. I think I am beginning to find me....build a new person..and I am questioning how much a man plays in this world. I think less and less at this point.
Okay, I am off to sleep...Sweet Dreams!!
This blog has tremendously helped me grow....it helped me survive those brutal days that I seriously had contemplated horrible things but because of my children, I stuck it out. And I am glad that I did....because I am now starting to emerge and build a posssible life that I will be able to take care of my kids....just me. Actually, God works in funny ways. Awhile back, I cried to him, begging him to show me, give me a hint on what I need to do. I know this sounds weird, he really has been setting my path.
With hubby out of work these past few months....it has shown me that I can take care of the kids and the family. He hasn't contributed a penny...he's sinking into a deeper and deeper depression and right now, I can't leave him. I am once again stuck here....till he hopefully gets his life together a little. Let's be realistic here, I can't ask him for a divorce now....he has nothing..I can't just throw him out on the street. Funny how life takes its turns.
My best friend left tonight. I cried...I guess that is where my deep thought are coming from. Our best friends leave (the hubby has been over there all day, I mean this is his childhood friend--he is pretty upset).
My girlfriend is moving because she had enough. Her husband isn't making enough and she is just damn tired of workig so hard. so she told him,we are moving. I wonder if I should have done that years ago....do you think it would have changed anything?
Okay, I am exhausted. I have been working endlessly. No time for anything but work. Wow, I have been turning into a boring soul......its different now, I cant explain. I think I am beginning to find me....build a new person..and I am questioning how much a man plays in this world. I think less and less at this point.
Okay, I am off to sleep...Sweet Dreams!!
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Do I know you?!?
Mystery Man sent me a long email on Sunday night. Telling me how much he missed me and all the great things he wanted to do to me. Things were immediately back on track BUT I had to let him know that it pisses me off when he disappears. Hey, I am horny too. Hey, sometimes I want to talk dirty...can't always be when he is just in the mood.
So I sent back a very simple note --- "Do I know You?" with a smiley.
I hit a nerve. I didn't realize what a great line it was until he admitted it yesterday that he was pissed. But touche, he said...I got him back for some dickish comments he has made.
Well, we wanted each other. We were back on track. He was going out of town and flying in and would be passing the area where I work. I have been working on a project with a company that has a storefront. There is nothing in the store yet and the windows are papered up....he was going to meet me there.
Okay, it was fucking so hot....why? It was as if you were on the street. The sounds of people walking right by you as we were fucking like crazy...a skateboard, sirens, it was so intense. He came the fastest he has ever came. And as we were getting more involved it didn't matter who heard us. Although there were people next door and obviously the walls are thinner than paper.
Oh he knows my special spots. He knows exactly how to get me to orgasm. He gets me to reach heights that no one has ever gotten me to reach. It's wild!
What was even nicer....we sat on the couch...and he just gently held me and played with my hair as I played with the hair on his chest. He had joked about needing a lobster bib because he was going to feast on me. When he had walked in...there I had a lobster bib with shrimp and delicious sauces which I had covered his cock with.
I am getting better at deep throating. I relax and I am able to take him deep, really deep. It amazes me how he can feel the difference in just a 1/2 inch. Its all in the trust and relaxing the back of your throat.
He held me tight and told me that I was adorable and sexy. That he loved being with me. The big flourescent lights had been on the whole time. Then I remembered I had found a Prince Charming Night Light Lamp and I had it in the car. I ran out and got it. There we were fucking with a little prince charming frog lit up!! How fucking funny. He asked me "what is up with you and the Prince Charming Frogs?" I just started to giggle and say...I love frogs...he.he.he If only he knew...
So I was a semi-exhibitionist....it was kind of hot thinking that people could see us from the street (they couldn't...I checked after) but I realized that who knew what you can see when it was dark.
Oh before we began...we were standing by the door, kissing intensely and the landlord had knocked that he had a delivery for me. Did he see us? I am not sure and I hope not. But that was so damn close to getting caught...lol
Have a great night!
DigEm and I are going to just be friends. Having a hard time not discussing sexual talk....we are trying. Actually since we decided not to talk it, we have been talking more about it. He wants one lover and doesn't want to cheat on her. I don't get that. If she makes you 100% happy, then okay, but he hasn't met her yet. He's definitely a newbie at this....But I would rather know where we stand. I am totally okay with this. I admit it, I am upset with him and upset with myself for not listening to my own advice.....not long distance. Oh well! I care about him but I am upset...."you've thrown out something that had such potential" I told him. I truly think he did but c'est la vie!
So I sent back a very simple note --- "Do I know You?" with a smiley.
I hit a nerve. I didn't realize what a great line it was until he admitted it yesterday that he was pissed. But touche, he said...I got him back for some dickish comments he has made.
Well, we wanted each other. We were back on track. He was going out of town and flying in and would be passing the area where I work. I have been working on a project with a company that has a storefront. There is nothing in the store yet and the windows are papered up....he was going to meet me there.
Okay, it was fucking so hot....why? It was as if you were on the street. The sounds of people walking right by you as we were fucking like crazy...a skateboard, sirens, it was so intense. He came the fastest he has ever came. And as we were getting more involved it didn't matter who heard us. Although there were people next door and obviously the walls are thinner than paper.
Oh he knows my special spots. He knows exactly how to get me to orgasm. He gets me to reach heights that no one has ever gotten me to reach. It's wild!
What was even nicer....we sat on the couch...and he just gently held me and played with my hair as I played with the hair on his chest. He had joked about needing a lobster bib because he was going to feast on me. When he had walked in...there I had a lobster bib with shrimp and delicious sauces which I had covered his cock with.
I am getting better at deep throating. I relax and I am able to take him deep, really deep. It amazes me how he can feel the difference in just a 1/2 inch. Its all in the trust and relaxing the back of your throat.
He held me tight and told me that I was adorable and sexy. That he loved being with me. The big flourescent lights had been on the whole time. Then I remembered I had found a Prince Charming Night Light Lamp and I had it in the car. I ran out and got it. There we were fucking with a little prince charming frog lit up!! How fucking funny. He asked me "what is up with you and the Prince Charming Frogs?" I just started to giggle and say...I love frogs...he.he.he If only he knew...
So I was a semi-exhibitionist....it was kind of hot thinking that people could see us from the street (they couldn't...I checked after) but I realized that who knew what you can see when it was dark.
Oh before we began...we were standing by the door, kissing intensely and the landlord had knocked that he had a delivery for me. Did he see us? I am not sure and I hope not. But that was so damn close to getting caught...lol
Have a great night!
DigEm and I are going to just be friends. Having a hard time not discussing sexual talk....we are trying. Actually since we decided not to talk it, we have been talking more about it. He wants one lover and doesn't want to cheat on her. I don't get that. If she makes you 100% happy, then okay, but he hasn't met her yet. He's definitely a newbie at this....But I would rather know where we stand. I am totally okay with this. I admit it, I am upset with him and upset with myself for not listening to my own advice.....not long distance. Oh well! I care about him but I am upset...."you've thrown out something that had such potential" I told him. I truly think he did but c'est la vie!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
A Rough Day....A Part of Me Gone
One of my closest friends is moving away next week. You know the couple you have been friends with since before you got married. You lived close and vacationed every vacation together. We are talking the Islands before the kids and evolving to DisneyWorld, Hershey etc. until about a year ago. 20 years of friendship.
I went to her house today and everything is in total chaos...she doesn't even seem concerned. Her husband doesn't want to move...its a weird thing....we don't make enough, he refuses to give me money towards the bills, I'm tired of working..We're moving. POOF! Well today when I went there....the shit hit the fan. I am close with both of them...a fight broke out as I sat in the comfy chair I always sat in when I went there (And she's giving me by the way).
Anyway they fight vicious...and quite frankly if he wasn't having an affair he will be. He's going to commute back and forth 4 days here and 3 days in there new place (which is 6 states away). He started screaming about this is her fault...I can't believe we are leaving...it was bad. We had discussed it and I told her before make sure he's on board or the marriage is really going to be strained. She doesn't seem to care.
Now how many couples do you feel comfortable getting into the middle of the argument? I chime in.... "Guys, come on....you got to do this together." His response..'I don't want to do this, we will talk". He storms out.
I get up and go to the bathroom....all of a sudden, this stupid chandelier that we picked out together on what of our garage sale bargains is sitting in her bathroom. I look around and there are millions of memories of things we bought together, things we re-vived from the dead.....I start crying hysterical. I guess its just another part of my happy life being pulled away. Another part that kept me here is now leaving.
So why am I still here? I was talking with our friends. This guy is actually my husband's best friend. For the first time he said to me, honey--he's just spiraling don't get caught in the spiral. I don't understand what happened to him:.
So why am I still here? I begin to think about moving. I think about picking up and just going. I am reading an amazing book right now..."A Year By The Sea" A must read for any woman who has lost herself in her marriage and kids. More and more the thought of just picking up becomes a serious option...
It has been a tough week for me.....working nonstop....and Mystery Man seems to be fading a little. DigEm has found a local girlfriend so......who knows what is going to happen with that. I wrote him a note last night....I told him to go, enjoy her, that we will keep in touch and after the newness wears off in three weeks, if he still wants our friendship---he knows where I am. The old if you love something set it free concept! I am tired of feeling like he only wants me around until something better comes along. all of a sudden I have an urge to shoot a damn bird!! lol
Well there are other frogs around.....but I don't have the energy right now. I am tired. I am getting depressed. Funny how being content can disappear so quickly. I have blown them all of and basically I haven't even been on Ashley....
I went to her house today and everything is in total chaos...she doesn't even seem concerned. Her husband doesn't want to move...its a weird thing....we don't make enough, he refuses to give me money towards the bills, I'm tired of working..We're moving. POOF! Well today when I went there....the shit hit the fan. I am close with both of them...a fight broke out as I sat in the comfy chair I always sat in when I went there (And she's giving me by the way).
Anyway they fight vicious...and quite frankly if he wasn't having an affair he will be. He's going to commute back and forth 4 days here and 3 days in there new place (which is 6 states away). He started screaming about this is her fault...I can't believe we are leaving...it was bad. We had discussed it and I told her before make sure he's on board or the marriage is really going to be strained. She doesn't seem to care.
Now how many couples do you feel comfortable getting into the middle of the argument? I chime in.... "Guys, come on....you got to do this together." His response..'I don't want to do this, we will talk". He storms out.
I get up and go to the bathroom....all of a sudden, this stupid chandelier that we picked out together on what of our garage sale bargains is sitting in her bathroom. I look around and there are millions of memories of things we bought together, things we re-vived from the dead.....I start crying hysterical. I guess its just another part of my happy life being pulled away. Another part that kept me here is now leaving.
So why am I still here? I was talking with our friends. This guy is actually my husband's best friend. For the first time he said to me, honey--he's just spiraling don't get caught in the spiral. I don't understand what happened to him:.
So why am I still here? I begin to think about moving. I think about picking up and just going. I am reading an amazing book right now..."A Year By The Sea" A must read for any woman who has lost herself in her marriage and kids. More and more the thought of just picking up becomes a serious option...
It has been a tough week for me.....working nonstop....and Mystery Man seems to be fading a little. DigEm has found a local girlfriend so......who knows what is going to happen with that. I wrote him a note last night....I told him to go, enjoy her, that we will keep in touch and after the newness wears off in three weeks, if he still wants our friendship---he knows where I am. The old if you love something set it free concept! I am tired of feeling like he only wants me around until something better comes along. all of a sudden I have an urge to shoot a damn bird!! lol
Well there are other frogs around.....but I don't have the energy right now. I am tired. I am getting depressed. Funny how being content can disappear so quickly. I have blown them all of and basically I haven't even been on Ashley....
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