Fun and Play With My Vibrator

I love to be playful and I get the most pleasure out of pleasing a man. Knowing that my lips filled with lip gloss and putting my vibrator in my mouth was going to make Mr. Tin Man go crazy...I couldn't help but fulfill his desires! Yes, he loved these pix...and I had to much fun taking them. What do ya think?

Fun With Halloween

I love joking with a little sexy twist. And Halloween happens to be a great time to be cute and sexy.

Of course sending my potential lovers "Trick or Treat"? Mr. Tin Man chose Treat! The new devil boy chose Both and Mr Rockstar chose a treat. I loved playing with them. Mr. SugarDaddy didn't respond. I think he's flyimg in his small plane...who knows.

BLow Pops, Pop Rocks, Hot Tamales, Juicy Fruit....all leave you with that sexual flavor. My favorite was my response to Mr. Tinman....telling him I wanted Almond Joy some nuts and Cockonut....but I knew he wanted the three muskateers! He was dying with laughter.

I am liking the Tin Man these days. Some chemistry, sexual appeal, wit, intelligents and of course that damn Type A personality...

Blah

Quantity is not an issue, it's quality. I am PMSing without a doubt. It's bad. First PMS as a single woman again. Not a fun thing. I feel like an entertainment committee, I should probably start charging. The quantity of men is there but I am missing the substance.

Mr. Porsche is an angel. Such a good friend, such a great person who cares. i truly love that we have a friendship and a sexual relationship. I would love one with someone else but these guys are soooo hung up.

Mr. Astronaut who is going to be re-named now to Mr. Tin Man. I don't know if he is playing wiht me but he brings out this desire in me to save him. Show him joy and desire. He said to me that he was empty inside and that he is okay like that. When I asked him why I haven't seen him? the cuddle thing made him afraid I would get too attached to him. Honestly, I think he feels he is going to get too attached to me. I am fine. I am not empty. Oh there is a void but I am far from empty. He admitted that he likes me and thinks about me all the time. we had wild phone sex on the phone today. I sent him crazy pix (which I am tempted to share with you....). I am not a big vagina fan but since I shaved my pussy, it looked okay. He died from it, said his cock went into a full erection when he saw it. I like him, I really do. I feel a chemistry there that I don't feel with the others (except for Mr. P of course and another who will remain nameless).

And then, the list. The new guy. Type A is being too kind. He is sexually alluring in a deviant way. Something about him is pulling me towards him like the devil. Not sure what it is but I am feeling he hangs on the darkside and the difference with him. I am not feeling any warmth in his soul. Oh he is a gentleman and I feel he is a protective man but there is no warmth. Does that make sense? The other guys who have a dark side (Mr. P, MM, Mr. Tin Man) have a warmth to them. He doesn't. It would be wild but a little too controlling I think.

Hmmmmm.....there is Mr. Sugar Daddy. There is Mr. Security Guy who we are friends and I just found out he is fucking his neighbor. I tinge of jealousy went through me. I would love to do him again in the future. And the others are gone right now. Mr friends friend..I am mad at. Again he says he was going to try and come over but never even called to say he was or wasn't coming. I can't stand rudeness.

So I am just not feeling it with these guys. There is something missing. Mr. Sugar Daddy was annoyed because I asked him to call me when he got home. His response, I survived boot camp, the Vietnam War, 15 years of football and some other things...going to your house is like going out for milk. we do live 1 1/2 hours away and it was a rainy night....fine, I won't worry about him. He called today, the conversation doesn't flow...I like him but not digging him totally. Can he be too smart for me? He brings out the little girl in me. He brings out insecurities. I could never see myself going wild on him but pretending to be a timid young thing.

So now I babbled. Not loving men tonight. Trying to work but its not working well. I am going to do a lot of soul searching this weekend. Even get into tv. I don't watch tv..isn't that what most people do for downtime?

A Perfect Day

Yes, after much sulking over the metrosexual date, I decided to go on the date with the Sugar Daddy. AND..I am glad I did. We went for a drink at this mansion that has been converted into a restaurant and hotel. Then we went to this amazing Italian dinner. The conversation was flowing and he was extremely attentive. Talk about an opposite date from the last one. He pulled out my chair, opened doors, ordered the wine, called for my car, took care of the valet and did everything 120% right. He was a true gentleman and I felt like a lady. He playfully touched my nose and made me giggle. He was very nice. We kissed good night and he talked about the next time we meet. I was treated like a lady. And, he didnt talk about money at all...we talked about normal things. I felt like a princess. It was very nice.

And, today I had a 50 inch tv delivered for the kids that was a gift, my theater room is complete. I even splurged on a cleaning crew. six women came into my house today and scrubbed it from top to bottom...AAAHHH!! Now that is orgasmic!! I still have things to put away but it is now managable and felt sooo good to come home to a clean house.

I had a huge meeting this morning that went really well. So, I am calling it a day. I gotta say, it felt so good to be treated like a princess.

Deep Sunday Thoughts

Thanks for all your kind comments....Common sense, the man was a jerk. He actually wrote me yesterday and said that too. Of course I didn't answer his bbm. Common sense, I didn't like him so why do I care what he thinks. Common sense, even if he didn't say those things I would have never seen him again. Reality...he hit a nerve. He managed to verbalize my insecurities and what I don't like about myself. Things I have to work on. However, I guess the truth is they are changable things. And that is a good thing. Its better that then if I was an arrogant, vicious person. Personality traits are much harder to change.

My first night alone became a disaster. I am having a hard time with one child. He is not listening and thinks he can rule everyone. He steamrolls my ex hence, my one night off, the ex drove him home. It was a disaster. I was so angry, seeing that this child gets whatever he wants, I went crazy. Total Mommy Tsunami and I even got a little vicious. Well very vicious and I kind of wish I didn't get that mad. But I cannot have him being disrespectful to me, ordering me around and I wanted him to realize that I am serious about this sleeping at his dads. I obviously hurt him because he went to his room (we had no electricity....yeah last night was a winner) and he sat there. I refused to drive him to his sports this morning. That was it. I was furious. He didn't harp, I think he realized he pushed me over the edge and he somehow got to his sports. My desire this morning was to sleep late. And it didn't happen so I am a real bitch this morning.

I don't know what to do with, hmmmm, I think we should call him...Mr. Sugar Daddy. He's 10 years my senior and loaded beyond belief. From a business perspective, he's even a good person to know since he is in my field. However, his flaunting annoys me. If you got it, don't flaunt it. I find it much more attractive when someone is humble. Like yesterday, he mentioned flying back on his friends small plane and meeting me for breakfast. Well today, he mentioned, I am flying back on my friends small plane would you like to meet for lunch? I already knew the small plane gig. I already know about your perfect children. Wow, typing this, I already know that he is the type of man who will try to mold me into his perfect toy. Hmmmm....am I jumping to conclusions here? I refused lunch and told him we will keep our date for next week.

Okay Cheri, screw your head on better. I took my picture profile down on this site I was on. Of course, Ashley Madison I did leave up. But the other site, I think I need to cruise a little. There are three guys on there I have been talking to..I am going to keep it at that. The others, I am not responding back to now. I have some big meetings this week...concentrate on my career.

The Date From Hell

I have been talking to this one guy for a couple of weeks now. He's eccentric. Actually I would probably call him metrosexual. Whatever the fuck that means. We've been friends and hit it off well but I questioned his sexuality as well as his mental state, something was unique but he was super fun. Tonight we had plans to go to dinner. He was actually going to pick me up at my house. Honestly, the last few nights, i had noticed that he drinks frequently. Not volumnes but even when he is on the cam..he is having a glass of wine. I decided to drive myself since he seemed to drink a fair amount.

I was running a little late so he went to his country club for a drink.
Anyway, we met. The meeting was nice....he grabbed me and kissed me. as he drank more and more....he turned to me and basically said you are stunning, why aren't you in excellent shape? The last year I have certainly gained some weight but for him to confront me on it...hurt deeply. Sitting there, ripping me apart, I can't even begin to tell you how cruel he was. Basically hittng on my three weaknesses in life...I began to cry. And I got up to leave before dinner.

He stopped me...I couldn't believe he made me cry. He apologized but this man was what I would call brutal in his opinions and expressing them. i didn't tell him that he was a wackadoo...dancing and stretching by the bar. He was actually embarrassing. He was apologetic and begged me to stay. Holding me, kissing me..but I kept pulling away. I stayed as a friend, the evening got more bizarre as we were drinking more. I can't even begin to tell you how mentally bizarre it was. Looking back, it was as if I was trying to figure out what it was about him. I have never met such a smart...brilliant man...yet strange is putting it mildly. Not a bad strange, he was like a cartoon character. Actually the TRIX rabbit would explain him well now that I am thinking about it.

I wanted nothing to do with him. The more I pushed him away, the more the wanted me. I was confused and slightly buzzed. He rips me apart and then says he thought I was gorgeous and he was sorry for hurting me but he always tells the truth and he really likes me and he wanted to sleep with me. Is he kidding me? After that discussion, I was totally destroyed and he wanted me to screw him? Coldly, I just came because I was curious what an uncircumsized cock looks like. He was a little hurt and now I ran with it. What's its deal? And...he whipped it out at the bar and put his hard cock in my hands. CRAP, this guy was insane.

We both went the the bathroom and then he began to pull me into the mens room. "Come hold it for me". I rolled my eyes and said..you can do it yourself. Meanwhile, the bathroom door was open...come in, come in." Stop it..and then this poor 24 year old comes out of the bathroom. The waiter was try to pee. No wonder why I didn't know he was in there, he was probably trying to pee and couldn't with all the talk of me coming in.

His car was in the front and it was pouring so I jumped into his car and he drove me to mine. I really like you....I am attracted to you and I admit it, I am usually with skinny model types. You are different, you are so sexual and sensual. I don't remember how we got on the topic in the car but we had gotten on the topic of tying someone up in the past. I want you to tie me up. I was buzzed and I said..get in the back...OMG HERE?!?! The fact that he was uncomfortable made me want to do it more. i found these belt things in his car...and I tied him to the back seat...one hand behind each headrest....I opened his pants, and his cock was so damn hard..to my surprise, a uncircumsized cock looks exactly the same when it is full size. I teased him relentlessly, made him as hard as he could get without cumming and then...I was done. There he was in the backseat with no pants on tied to the car. For a moment, I thought about leaving him there but I didn't. I untied him.
He kissed me goodnight and held me close and said he wanted to see me again. Oh please...I was going home and blocking him however I could. I am already self conscious and insecure and I needed this date like a bullet in my head.

I got into my car and cried. He called me twice. His message said that I was different than any girl he knew. That I was so sensual and sexy and that me not being a model type was something he thinks he could get over. My thoughts, don't do me any favors. He just called me this morning...I am not going to answer.

So in conclusion, I am want to lose the weight but for me actually...not for any man. I am going to make other changes as well...but for ME! Tonight, I had another date which I am cancelling. I thought about it, my first night without the kids, I just want to sit in my house and relax, straighten up and enjoy the serenity.

First Dates vs. Married Men

And the winner is...... MARRIED MEN!

I have spent the week dating. Yes, I apologize too much going on here to even blog. Dating can be very time consuming. So, I said I was going to jump in with two feet and I did.

Two single guys, Mr. Porsche and a date tomorrow night followed by two dates already scheduled for next week. So what is my conclusion....Married Men are better! This dating is to say the least BORING. I have to say, if you spent frou years with a pond filled of frogs....going to the dating scene is the difference of attending a rock concert or the opera.

Both single dates were good. The men were nice, the dinner was nice, the conversation was nice. Last night we even took a walk by the water and talked. Lots of talk...which if you knew me, I don't shut up so if I am saying a lot of talk..its way too much talk! lol Both men emailed me the next day to say they had a very nice time and would like to see me again. I sat there listening to their divorce stories and about their kids. Nothing was wrong with that EXCEPT when you compare a meeting with a married man. You are there for the hot, exciting sex. You are there for the chemistry. The meeting oozes with chemistry. And there is sure to be some tingles, some desire...oh granted, you may not be jumping in bed with them but it is going to be soon! Its a separate world...there is little discussion of kids and ex's and home life (if any at all). Actually it is more discussion on your dreams, desires, wants and career. Its about the person you are or hoping to become. Dating a single man has not been an escape. It seems its like leaving the house to dinner with your husband and talking about kids. I don't know....its okay, its different..its not the excitement I crave.

Mr. Porsche and I met today. Good sex actually and some fun. So much more vanilla, so much more kissing. And here's a first--I couldn't cum. The combination of him inside of me, the vibrating eggs in my ass, him squeezing my nipples so hard and a vibrator on my clit---my head felt like a pinball machine. Oh I eventually did before some reason, it took work. How ironic that I get divorced and we went to more vanilla sex. I am not complaining because it was great...we are in a really good place. Its just we don't have the time together that we used to and I miss it terribly.

So I am like hanging out in my swim gear ready for ocean exploring and I feel like I am sitting in a baby pool. Tomorrow night is a date with someone I have been talking with for awhile. He's nice, I like him. I got a babysitter and the ex came in tonight and was freaking out that I could never find babysitters and now I found one. PLEASE...I told him to leave me alone. He went on and on and on....and I finally said..just go the fuck away already and leave me alone. He comes in to inspect...I will allow that for approximately one more week. I had enough. He's already threatening not to take the kids anymore. I can see we are going to have a war brewing soon.

And next week....I am contemplating a date with this extremely rich man. He's older than me and quite arrogant and showy. I am not sure if I like it. We are very different in our views on politics and the healthcare system. In fact, I could feel myself getting all bent out of shape as we discussed it. The question is, can I deal with that attitude and views? After we spoke, he sent me a note. Amazing, a woman with beauty and smarts too! He says he wants to romance me. We will see....

So I am off to a start.....I guess its the warm up. Thank God I have Mr. Porsche right now to satisfy my cravings! More to come! And I admit it...I am headed onto Ashley Madison tonight to search a married man or two. Married men have been deprived lust and desire....Mmmmmmm....I may have to find one to fulfill my needs!

So Why Am I Not Going Sexually Wild?

Clem made me think today. His comment about eight guys and no sex or dates. And I realized I needed to soul search for this one. Reality- I am free to do whatever I want now but something is holding me back. I have turned into an asexual person. Yes, there is a list of eight (and honestly there are more that I remembered after I posted). So what is the problem?!

A few things I realize now:

1-As crazy as this sounds. Mystery Man. I know I have to let it go but sexually, we were so compatable. I am not going to go on and on how the man could make me orgasm like crazy. Even the positions were wild and satisfying. Bottom line. I had never been sexually satisfied like that in any of the relationships. BUT he is gone and this time he has decided to be gone for good. But there is a catch here. He has access to my blog. So deep, deep down inside, I now realize that I have been good because I fear he is stopping by here to read up on me. A very unfair balance. And in my mind, there is a glimmer that he will decide that he misses me and want to come back and check out my blog to see what I am up to first. And as I type this, I know how fucking ridiculous that is. The man has left me 900 times and then had the balls to judge me and make me feel like a slut. So MM, if you are reading this, I am angry with you for not answering my emails. Angry that you left and made me feel like a slut. Angry that I may never see you again. And if you think I am better off without you--I am not. Dear Scorpion...this frog wants to continue to help you cross the river even if you are going to eat me alive over and over again.

2-Oh I knew she was cheating. Okay, granted, we all knew I was cheating. BUT my real world didn't and I don't want anyone to think I left my marriage because of someone else. I didn't. I left for me and left because I wasn't in love with the ex to be. Or PREEX.....my name for the PRE-EX....is there an official name? Another ridiculous reason but so true.

3-I am scared. I am scared to find someone I care about. I don't want a long term relationship, I want to have fun right now. I want to have wild sex and enjoy my new found freedom. Another ridiculous reason and just a little bit of me.

4-Kids. The kids have become more needy since he is out. Its only two weeks and I feel its hard enough adjusting to this new life. Me, openly being dating and out, seems like it might be too much right now.

5-TIME...I am swamped with work and trying to take care of this house. I don't have a babysitter for normal dating hours. I want to get the house together since it is in chambles right now. I am nesting right now. As if I am organizing my life so I can begin over. I am re-doing the den, turning the basement into a media room for kids, putting a new deck on the house, new carpeting.....things that sat for so many years and needed to be done but didn't get done. All stupid reasons.

6-Depression-I am a little depressed and overwhelmed. There is no stability right now. Work is insane and I always fear of losing my job. Money is tight. The house looks like a cyclone hit. Kids causing issues. trying to juggle everything. The stress has been causing me to be exhausted. I find that I want to sleep and sleep.

So now that I have dug deep into my head....there are my reasons. And I realize most are excuses. I feel there is a wall and I can't get over it. How crazy considering my behavior these past four years. I will work this out. I guess having the volume of men has made me feel comforted in a warped way. Also afraid to let one go, just in case I didn't see their positive attributes clearly.

I have decided to take the weekend and do as much as I can with the house. Organize my work and starting Monday....start fresh.

It's time. It's time to let go and move ahead. Receiving so many messages yesterday was insane. All these men just made the situation more confusing. I did actually find a dozen or so more...craziness but I guess a good craziness. Other woman would probably die for what I have right now. A single friend came over yesterday and was browsing through the men. Shit, when are you scheduling the Fucking Feast...was her response. She doesn't know about my past. She is pushing me to jump in. I have my bathing suit, bathing cap, nose plugs, fins on....just standing on the edge of the pool in diving position(can you visualize it). Its time to make that jump! thanks Clem...

Doing Okay

I admit, I am tired. Working so hard, taking care of the kids and I gotta believe that the stress is really making me tired. As for my social life. I put my pix up on a dating site. Quite frankly, I had been browsing there before but never really jumped in. So yesterday, I decided to put my pix up. Well oh well, I had received ober 75 emails today. So what do you do with all those emails? You need a secretary to review them. And I began. Reminded me of the first days on Ashley Madison. Truth is, I pulled about a dozen guys and wrote them back. Cute but single guys are looking for a commitment and that is the last thing that I want. I want less of a commitment now then when I was married!

Here's the thing. I am so damn horny. I think I am a dog in heat right now. I am free. I can date as much as I want. and I haven't. I can't tell you how badly I want to feel a hard cock inside of me. If I masturbate anymore, my clit will literally rub off. So, I need to take a look in the pond because there are a lot of tadpoles but no body seems to be stepping up to become a true frog yet.

Mr. Porsche- things are good. We haven't seen each other but things are good. He is attentive and since I have backed off--well you know they are there for you more.

Mr. Astronaut- yup, he's still around. Actually, he is my regular chatting buddy. I like him. I know, you are saying he was an ass. And yes, he still wants that threesome, but I love his chat. I love that at 3am if I can't sleep, I can send him a message and he will wake up to talk to me. I need to do him. The other day, we had phone sex. I think we would be good together for a hot affair. the chemistry is there.

The Guy My Friend Introduced Me too- He has to be my biggest supporter lately. He calls and checks up on me. He emails me. He has gotten so good that he can tell from three words how my mood is. Strangest thing, we have never seen each other and we are so close. He was waiting for me to be separated. He's coming out next week.

Cam Guy- this is a guy who is divorced. He calls me cam boss. something is a little off but I like him. Not sure where that is going. He wants to meet.

Mr. Rockstar-still in the picture. He said me the sweetest note saying how I had this girlish quality that he loved in a woman. But he thinks I am a slut (ok, he's probably right) but he judges and I hate that. I always feel like he is so righteous. We spoke till 2AM the other night. Conversationally, we are a great match. He is a little too judgmental for me.

Mr. Security/Sensual- we are friends now. Actually going to see him tomorrow maybe for a cup of coffee. How ironic, we are both separated now and we are just friends.

Mr. Divorce Attorney- he is always there for me...so funny. We are going to see each other in the next few weeks.

Mr. Facebook Divorce Attorney- called me yesterday for lunch. I couldn't make it.

And now these new men...lol Okay, do you see a problem with this? Lots of men. Horny Girl. Doesn't make sense?!!?

So now we have some of the characters...I will let you know as any move ahead. I know it is me. I think I am not ready yet to start with this dating thing. Although week 1, I did pretty damn good for a girl who wasn't into it. What I would do for some familiarity....how I would love to see what it is like to screw MM now that I am a single woman. He won't respond. I know, let it go. but I am getting mad at him. Why can't we be friends? Maybe I should show up at his door and ask him! (just kidding...I would never do anything to hurt him).

Thinking Of Me?!?

So the Eskimo wrote again that he thinks of me all the time and that's what gets him so nervous. Just the thought of my face, gets him all worked up. Hmmmm....

And then this other guy I kind of dissed because he was weak...like a child. I don't need a whining child..I have three kids and an ex like that. But he told me that he jerked off to my picture.

And this is not the first time I have heard this. So I wonder, do guys meet girls on Ashley and even if they don't meet them, is it a common thing to use their face to jerk off?

And then there is this eerie feeling of the fact that I may be sitting here right now and there is someone jerking off to a picture of my face...lol Actually for some reason, I am okay if a guy reads my blog and gets off on one of my hot rendezvous' but the fact that these guys just use my picture....not sure if I should be flattered or grossed out?! they obviously feel I should be flattered because they tell me.

Gotta think about this one. So, is someone holding his cock right now and thinking about me?!?! Mmmmm....very interesting!

All variations of Cocks...A Quantitative Analysis by Cheri

I found myself lying in bed last night thinking about the various cocks I have encountered over my life. It is quite amazing how unique each man’s gems are! So what brought this thought on? I think because this old bf had a thinner cock than I remembered. Funny how you don’t think that when you are 18!

As the years go on, I guess more experience, more cock views and sucks…you have some personal data for comparison. At this point in my life, I am almost qualified to do a scientific study on it! Of course that is only on circumcised penis’. I still have not encountered an uncircumsized cock yet..

The largest cock I have ever been with was one of my first boyfriends. It had girth that didn’t even fit when we tried to do it the first time. Now, reality can also be a little warped. I was almost a virgin, he was the second and I am now wondering whether that baby just looked so huge because I was so tight. Hmmmm…I should track him down just to see where he falls now in the line of cocks!

While I have been sitting here analyzing size, it honestly has not been the size that has constitutes a great lover. I admit, being a little on the larger size certainly has given me tons of pleasure. On the other hand, its easier to blow a guy who is not huge. The gag reflux doesn’t kick in as quickly….you don’t have to cheat by beginning before his cock is engorged to get the whole baby in your mouth.

So looking back…..size and depth are noticeable but if its not obviously really huge or really small…it doesn’t really play an important role to me. Its not the largest cock that has given me the biggest joy. It has been those that have above average girth and length. To me that is great cock. But honestly, only if the man knows how to use it. Its all in the technique. Oh yes, definitely in how the cock is put to use. Oh my, I am getting horny now.

A man wouldn’t understand but when I see the cock stick its head out of the underwear…wow! My mouth begins to water. Seeing it stiff and at attention, wow, that gets me all worked up, like its calling me. Actually, I remember with MM how the inner animal in me had to have that cock. I loved sucking on it…and blowing him but honestly, I needed his cock inside of me. My body just craved his cock that I never could wait for him to cum with a blow job. I HATE TO HAVE IT IN ME!! I never felt that way with anyone else actually. His just seemed to fit like a glove and the fact that he could make me cum during sex was something that never happened to me before so I guess my body saw it and needed it!

I try never to regret anything, so I didn't regret giving the old bf a blow job. It felt so right at the time. I thought about what Clem said..that I sounded like I pushed him but honestly, I was very cautious and watched that I didn't. While I don't know for sure but I think that he has done this before. He was the one who put his arm around me....he was the one who was massaging my arm and breasts...i made sure not to make the first move. I didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation. I mean on Ashley Madison, I know a guy is there because he is looking. Here I wasn't sure. So today, I was nervous a little that he was uncomfortable or something.

However, this afternoon, i got a text from him. I am so glad I got to see u. You are as beautiful as ever. Let's keep in touch this time. I will talk to you real soon! xo

I felt better now. The day will go down in my memories and quite frankly, I don't know if I will ever see him again...but the day was exactly what I needed. And for some reason, I think I will be hearing from him.

Re-living My College Romance- 26 years later

Today, I got to see my old college boyfriend. He was coming to town and we haven't seen each other in 26 years! Crazy...but as it turns out exactly what I needed. I was nervous, I mean 26 years is a long time and we obviously change. What happens if he is repulsed by me? What happens if we have nothing to say?

Our relationship ended when he never showed up after work for our dinner plans. I cooked him a lasagna...angry he didn't show up, I threw it out the window and that was the end of us. He found me on Facebook, we chatted once and we decided to meet for lunch when he came to town this weekend. Italian...to make up for the wasted lasagna 26 years earlier. He now lives on the other side of the country but was coming back for the weekend.

He picked me up..and I smiled at him. He looked the same, six pack and all....we chatted about life, I teased him endlessly and we enjoyed lunch. Both of us a little nervous with the chit chat but yet it was exciting. To my surprise, he remembered so much about our relationship. when he said it, I remembered as well. How funny to be brought back so many years. How strange to be sitting across from him. Out of no where, he was staring at me. I said, what are you thinking? He responded...that you are as gorgeous as you were back then. you always had the most beautiful face. I smiled. Why didn't you tell me back then? He responded "because I was an idiot. I must have told you how gorgeous you were. Actually, he never did but it was so nice to hear it now.

The conversation was friendly with a slight tinge of flirting. But nothing that you would think would mean anything more than sweet. He started reminding me of things we did together and I laughed so hard. Like the time my car got stuck on the way home and we slept in this little town. I reminded him how he worked out constantly in his dorm room and I used to hang upside down off the bed to talk to him while he was doing situps. And he mentioned how my lips were just as he remembered them. Unforgettable lips you have....

We drove around the neighborhood and then I said...lets go to the park. What?!? You have to know him. Very disciplined and somewhat of a straight arrow. Your crazy, he kept laughing. I made him go down the slide a couple of times with me and we were like little kids. And then when I came down, he caught me off the slide and I ended up in his arms. He held me tight and hugged me. I took a deep breath in..I remembered those arms. With his arm around me, we sat down on the bench and I laid my head on his lap and we talked and talked.

I was his first and only of a list of things. He confessed that he thought about them sometimes and has thought about me throughout the years. The first and only to handcuff him, first and only with whipped cream and how I knew how to use those lips of mine. He thought about that often. I have gotten much better than I was at 18! I have practiced and even read up on how to give a good bj! He just smiled and shook his head and started to massage me. "Do you want me to take the keys out of my pocket?" "Damn, I was hoping that was something else poking me in the head". He laughed so hard.."actually, that is on the other side and it is as hard as the keys". Hmmmm...let me use that as a contour pillow then. So I got up and switched sides.

Old times, old memories came flooding back. How great he massaged, how safe he made me feel in his arms and as he reached over and kissed me, how amazing his lips felt. And there we were, kissing each other passionately in the school playground. And now our lips moving up each others necks and it getting a little heated. I did the Cheri check...I needed to see that his cock was hard and boy, it was hard.

It started to get cold so we conveniently moved to the car. And then we began to kiss intensely. He began to breath heavily in my ear and nibble on it.....mmmmmm...how I love that. And to my surprise, that wasn't by mistake..you used to love when I did this to you. Damn, he remembered. It makes me instantly wet..and beyond horny.

So have you read up on what is proper etiquette when you meet your ex lover 26 years later? Do you start again or can you pick up where you left off? I asked him. Absolutely pick up where you left off he said. And with that and the kisses, I began to open his pants...his cock sticking out just the head. Oh, he's aged so well, not a wrinkle. And my mouth wrapped itself around his cock. Honeslty, I wanted to mount him and have wild sex right there. But instead I showed him my new and improved blow job technique. And he moaned...oh cheri...I thought about your lips often. Wow, he did??!? And then I let his cock go deep down my throat...oh yeah, that's what he loved. And after a few minutes, he came in my mouth and all over his shirt (and as I walked into the house, I realized all over my hair too!)

We kissed good by and said we would keep in touch. we kissed again and again and finally I jumped out of the car. Thanks for a great lunch. And then I was back in my reality.

However, I do have the great memories of the past that he brought to the surface. I went back in time, 26 years lying in his arms as he massaged my back and neck. Amazing hands that guy has. And the fact that he remembered so much of our relationship, shocked me. Probably because I had forgotten so much and he brought the memories flooding back. wow, after 26 years, he had thought about us and remembered so much. I was totally flattered.

not sure that blowing him was the best idea..he is married, we didn't even discuss that. I hope he doesn't weird out on me. but it was just there and I had to show him how much I have improved!! I mean at 18 what did I know?!?! Obviously it had been enough for him to remember it so many years later.

I feel like a little kid again. Today was a great day! I text him a thank you but I didn't hear back. Well whatever happens....it felt right at the time and I will not regret it. I had a really good week my first week of separation.

So that's what happened to the Eskimo Frog

Wow, I am getting bad with my frog names. Mr. Eskimo, I met on Ashley Madison. He was very cute, funny and I really enjoyed our conversations. I met him around the time that I met Mr. Astronaut. We spoke frequently, he had a hot, sexy voice. One day, I called him to meet for coffee because I got out of a meeting early and I never heard from him. Honestly at firstI didn't think twice that he didn't call back, figured he had gotten busy. but when two days passed, I knew something was up. I had warned him about being a newbie and that I try to avoid newbies but he pursued me heavily and then POOF..he was gone.

Last night, I saw he was back on Ashley Madison so I dropped him a note just checking on him and asking him what happened. His response:

Yea....I handle things pretty poorly....I am a newbie and this eskimo got really cold feet....brrrrrrr....you have me so intrigued and excited....that I didn't know if I should meet you....just from talking to u I was crazed....and if I actually met you....forget about it....

Well I hate that. I guess this is another frog put in the you are too dangerous pond!

Offbeat Sex Is Hot

Quick Prelude: Last night Mr. P and I had a run in. It hurt me because he didn't think about me or my safety. He owns a company that does this certain thing that I need done. when I asked him if I could pay one of his workers, he said "just get a day worker off the street". I felt horrible because he used to care about me, he used to take care of little things and now he was telling me to hire some stranger off the street and let him in my house (and I live alone now!!) So I had decided i wasn't going to meet him. However, this afternoon I decided I would meet him for just sex. That was it...I needed some cock badly. And so I told him that and we met.

Well, it was absolutely a wonderful afternoon. He wasn't too crazy and sexually deviant but just enough to add some flavor. He was caring, cuddling, and very kissy..I loved it! Even better, he initiated it. We played with our toys and I came and came and came! Actually, I feel a little selfish, because the day was really all about me. I blew him..but not as long as I usualy do. I massaged him and he massaged me, we giggled, we laughed and tickled each other. We cuddled and we kissed and we kissed some more. I don't think we ever kissed so much.

Right now, my clit feels like it is going to fall off. It is so sore from rubbing but its a good sore. And after today, I think something different about Mr. Porsche. I don't think that he is scared that I am getting divorced (he knows I would never, ever tell his wife). I actually think he may be concerned I am going to find someone else. That the wall is actually him protecting himself not him being turned off by my situation. Reason I say that is because when I got there, he pinned me down and gave me two hickeys on each cheek of my ass. "I feel like you are branding me" like the cowboys do to their farm animals...and then it clicked. He was branding me.."No one is going to see it now, I can mark up your body. I even think we should pierce your nipples now!" Wow, he was kind of branding me. His way of having some kind of control/ownership of my body. He also mentioned me seeing my old boyfriend. It bothered him, I could tell. So....maybe that's what his concern is. He thinks I am now single, I am going to date and find someone else.

The sex was good but the hottest part was when I was rubbing my clit and he was inside of me. The condoms make him go down but deviance always makes him hard. So what he did was take two fingers and put them in my mouth. And with my eyes closed, I could feel his cock inside of me. The deeper i would swallow his fingers, the harder his cock got. This was strangely hot! I could feel him getting bigger inside of me...and so I let him stick his fingers further and further into my mouth...and as he got down to my throat, I relaxed the muscles and he went further and further down my throat....with is cock getting harder and harder inside of me. Somehow I was able let him go passed my uvula and down my throat. My gag reflux was gone. And then he was hard as a rock, and kept fucking me harder and harder. It was quite enjoyable.

He pulled out, added the anal plug and had me push down on it while he inserted the vibrating eggs inside of me. Again, I came so hard...it was heaven. oh how I love hard thrusting as I moan and moan.

And then there was a peace, a balance and we folded into each other and he kissed my neck and held me tight. There was no place I wanted to be then right here in this exact frame of mind. It was perfect. But of course, I had to clear the air about the last three weeks. And of course, like every other man he said to me "men don't like to talk about this shit". And of course, I knew he was right but it didn't stop me. you hurt me...nothing is going to change now that I am divorced. yada, yada, yada. And I went on and on telling him that I was hurt about not seeing him etc. etc. I just had to get it off my chest. His response "you do know that when you tell me these things, you are putting daggers in me because I want to be with you, I just can't". so I back off.

He brought up my project...and my response...I am doing it. He said I will send the guy. I said...nope, I will do it myself. Now he was looking annoyed. I explained that I was surprised he told me to get a worker off the street and he apologized that he had just said it and didn't think about it. That I was 100% right and that I should never do that. And then I told him that there was a bigger project that I needed him and I would pay him and now his eyes were bulging. I said I am going to give it to you as a gift and I am going to do both of the projects. My response...I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. Okay, now he looked madder. He replied...I don't but think about it, I don't want you doing it....we will discuss it tomororow. And as silly as that sounds, just the fact that he wants to do it...made me feel great. I nuzzled deeper in his arms. Yes, I am Miss. Independent and will take on any project because I always had to do it myself and I prided myself on doing it. And then I thought about it...I love that he offered and that he doesn't want me to do it. Kind of the damsel in distress thing.

So Mr. Porsche and I are okay. In conclusion, you can't let so much time pass. He called me after and said he had a great time. What a perfect afternoon! And with the music blasting in the car and me feeling like a million bucks, I drove home. Yes, I am going to be okay. And yes, a good fucking is what I need on a regular basis to keep me balanced!!! YUM!

The Wall

Okay....today I am starting like I should have started Monday...my first day of my freedom. Weirdly enough the ex has been here each day and its got to stop. I didn't mind but he can't make this his second home. He has no internet connection at his house so he was sprawled out on the couch and on the computer. At 10PM, I said, we are going to sleep, good night.

So on to more exciting stuff....I decided to hold off on two dates this week. I need to let this separation set in a little. However, I did get a message from my old college boyfriend (a normal one..lol). And he's coming to town. We spoke last night and it was so nice. Damn, playa flirt, is still a flirt. I was teasing him about throwing the lasagna out the window. He laughed and said..okay, I am taking you out to dinner and we will make up for that lost lasagna. Sadly, I don't have a babysitter for Saturday night but we are going to meet during the day. I am kind of excited about it. Okay, I am like a little girl right now with the giggles. He's married but we all know that doesn't mean anything. Of course, if anything, i would just kiss him. That's it....I am trying to remember the sex with us and quite frankly I can't....lol

And Mr. Porsche and I. We got some serious issues. while he claims my divorce doesn't matter...oh it so matters. The wall is so high and he is truly bugging. Last time the sex was so rough because I am sure now that he wants to make sure that it is pure sex. No emotions (which to me is a problem. I like the sensuality, the kissing, the high of lust and desire). fucking as a sport is not what I want except if it were a one night stand.

I told him i wanted Passion when we met....oh did he get nervous. I am not in the mood for that crazy, push to the edge sex. I want some lust and desire here. Now here's the clincher. I was trying to make a point by pointing out to him that even if we were both single, we would never be together. He is extremely difficult and demanding and moody and controlling. Things he already knows but things that I would never be able to deal with. So I started to say "you know Mr. P, let's say we were both single, you... " and he interrupted me.... "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN". SWOOOOOOSHHHH.....Reality, I don't want it to happen but his remark was like a smack in the face. I am re-considering seeing him this week. Actually, I am going to have a t-shirt made up for him....with "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN" on the shirt and mail it to him.

So how do i feel? Better inside. Way too much to do....but I feel so much better and excited inside. And stressed from work, house, kids up all night....but there is still this little person inside who is saying....I can do this and I am going to have fun doing it!!

Cheri The Neighborhood Coroner

Okay...today was way out of control. I went to sleep last night and love, I mean love my new bed. I slept like a baby. Got the kids off to school...woo hoo!! All ready to start organizing a little, figure out how I am going to pay the bills and get my life in order. I just lied down on the bed, turned on the computer and the phone rings...its my neighbor (I figured checking up on me to see how my night went). "What are you doing? are you busy?" No, I said..."what's up?" I don't think my husband is breathing, can you come over and check!

Now, she was in shock when she said that and it certainly took me a minute to compute what she had said. I jumped up and ran out and across the grass and was there in a second. Her husband has been very sick...Alzheimers...such a cruel disease (scarily, he was 59). The end was coming but they told her last night there were some months left. Now I am not really very good at death but she needed me and I ran over. If you remember throughout the years, this is not the first time I had to do this with a neighbor. I went into the room, and he was lying there peaceful. He wasn't breathing but he was still warm. She was screaming and I had to hold her up. And then the chaos began. Sadly, he was gone.

I was with her most of the day so when I arrived home and my cell, the phone was packed with messages. People were worried about me and my disappearance was worrying them. I was so wrapped up, I forgot my own bullshit. Meanwhile, friends were frantic that I was MIA. Called my best friend and apologized because she was beside herself that she couldn't reach me. When I told her what happened she just blurted out "why are you the neighborhood coroner? You have so many talents these days!" Well, we both started laughing. It was true. This is the second neighbor I found dead. The last one, I had to break into his house because his father was worried about him, he didn't pick him up (100 year old man, the son who was 65 died). Next, the 100 year old man, climbing ladders to his bedroom looking for him and then the neighbor across the street--husband fell down steps and I stayed with him. Hmmmmm....actually the neighbor across the street tonight promised me they would not die this year since I need a rest (they were the ladder holders for the last saga).

So, I am a woman of many capabilities. Truth is, I am great in emergencies. I actually break down afterwards when the adrenaline wears away. Life is so short man. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Gotta enjoy it while you can. So my neighbor and I sat on the deck after all the excitement. She knew her husband suffered and while it was a relief....she has been caring for him for years now. "What am I going to do?" And then it hit me. Today was the day my new life began and abruptly today was her day as well. your going to be strong!

The Finale--The New Beginning

Tonight is the first night he is officially out. Yes, he took the bed, the couch and other things. Right until the end, he screwed me financially. He took the frozen account money that I got released from the lien I paid. He deposited $400 less in my account. He bitched that I negotiated the amount down. He bitched about the agreement....he told me I took him to the cleaners. He complained that now that I make the money, I threw him out. A warped sense of everything. I guess they say there are always three sides to a story. He seemed to forget the parts of how I supported the family for the last five years. How I saved the house, how I took care of everything...how he did so much to fuck up our life. How ironic that all that was forgotten.

So when it came time for him to actually walk out the door. He made it easy for me not to be too upset. Ironically, he is going to be back here tomorrow....so the drama is just not there....

So how do I feel? Drained. It was rough and upsetting. I am scared to death. Already tonight was a disaster with the kids not sleeping (not because of him). Well, it is going to be rough. So now it is before 12 and I am hoping to fall asleep.

My new mattress!?! It is a dream!!!!!!! So comfortable...I love it. Very small though, the Queen feels like half the size of the King. but I figure, if a man is in this bed with me, then I am going to be want to be close to him.

So I am heading to bed now. My older one is giving me a hard time. His whole life, he acts up when he needs attention. Tonight, he is claiming a muscle spasm. I know he is going to need a lot of attention but right now, I just want to sleep....I deserve one

The Four Poster Bed

So sad to report that the four poster bed that I always wanted and dreamed about for years....the Bob Mackie is no longer anywhere to be found. My dream bed is poof! Oh there are others but this one had it all.....now many of you may be thinking that the bed is not a necessity but to me....it stands for my new life....I dream of being ravaged in a four poster bed. Not a wimpy one either....One that adds drama. So do you think the one to the left is too masculine? Although I do not know too many men who have a four poster bed on their dream list...

The Jessica McClintock bed...which has the sexy curves (not the Mackie but close)..is 3 times the amount of the one that is here on the left...the one to the left, I can afford...I found it for 1/2 price. The other one, I need $2,000 more for.

A Side Of Me...

I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I admit it. Sorry because I have been reaching out to Mystery Man and he refuses to answer. It hurts when you realize you are so easily forgotten by someone. I guess I have also never been thrown to the curb like that before. Not a great feeling.

Sorry for myself because Mr. Porsche admitted tonight that he is guarded. He was drunk and he admitted there is a wall to protect him, to protect me. Why? We know each other two years, I have no walls...He said"one of us needs to keep it to keep it balanced." He did say something sweet....its out of context now...but he said..."I want you and I need you". And then seriously he said...did you hear me? I said no...I wanted to hear that I heard it correctly. And in a serious voice he said...I want you and I need you. In what way, I asked. Business? "In all ways"..he said. It felt good. But in a breath later he threw the wall so far up and he said I will call you back...we always say...have a nice weekend...he didn't call back. He needed to do a dickish move and piss me off...I guess that assures him that wall stays in tact.

Oh, chatting with men is easy. But men are so afraid of intimacy, I think. Am I such a threat or so overwhelming? Now its not just married men, its all men. Mr. Rockstar called me dangerous last night, the Divorce Attorney called and also mentioned the word addicting. What the fuck does dangerous mean?! Why do these men push me away? Its like I can feel brick walls wherever I go...married or not. Do I have a brick wall? I don't think so...I am in love with sensuality, lust, desire, closeness...its so hot to get close to someone. Damn it, it hurts in the end anyway, so why not feel the high of all highs!!??

With my headphones on....a song came on that I had forgotten I put on my playlist. It was a song that actually I remember so well. I never listen to it. It hurts too much. I never think about the song...it hurts too much although its meaning is with me every second of the day. And as I sat here, feeling sorry about these men and scared about my future...this song comes on.

For those who have read my blog from the beginning I have referred to it but never truly went into detail. You see, this song represents the darkest most brutal day of my life. It was the day I learned that my child was severely disabled and was expected to have no future as we all dream for our children. It was the day that I was faced with a reality that you wonder why God can be so cruel.

I was leaving the hospital. I was driving down the road numb and in shock and this song came on the radio. This song had a totally different meaning to me. And I remember, for the first time and quite frankly the only time in my life that I just wanted to put my foot down on the gas pedal and let the car go as fast as it possible could...I didn't care what happened, I just wanted to put my foot all the way down and I did....the car hit 85-90..which is very dangerous on this road but at 3AM, thankfully no one was on the road. It took all my energy to stop myself and lift my foot off the pedal....it was at this moment in my life...that my entire life had changed and I cried and cried uncontrollably because the hurt was just so unbearable. Yes, it is this song that makes me cry hysterical whenever I hear it....reminding me of the numbness and that pain...reminding me of that deep, deep place...its as if the song takes me there and opens up those wounds again..."When EVERYTHING IS MADE TO BE BROKEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM!" "WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE MOVIES, YEAH YOU'D BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE" "I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM"


So why do I mention this? I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Just hearing this song...no matter when or where in my life.....makes me breakdown hysterically. It was the start of a totally different life, the destruction of all my dreams and yet the building of a totally new me. And here I sit, beginning another chapter in that book and in perpective....this new chapter is a piece of cake in comparison. And while divorce and being thrown to the curb hurts to some level..this song was a reminder of what I have survived and what I am surviving each and every day...the most upsetting and destructive hurt.....and putting it all in perspective.....this should be a piece of cake. So this song came out of no where on my playlist and I just had the biggest cry I have had in years but I think it was something that needed.

So here is the song...and I know this post is out of context from the rest of my blog and I will probably place it in draft after a few days but for right now, it is what I needed. Thanks for listening...

Deadline almost here

September 30
Ironically, Mr. Porsche and I made plans for this week and of course my period arrives. Along with a horrible cold, headache and body aches. I need the energy to begin my life, and its as if my whole body is breaking down. I am scared. I know I made the right choice. It's just going to be rough.

UPDATE TODAY~!

The day came....the big move out day.....and he is still here! lol

It was bad weather so he couldn't move out his stuff. I wasn't going to push the issue. Granted the papers say October 1 and if I was a bitch, I could have made him move it. Move it or lose it technically from the papers. Anything left in the house after that date...is mine. But I wouldn't do that. Actually, with me getting sick, it was kind of a good thing because I am exhausted and he has been helping get the kids off to school. I am scared I am going to have a hard time. Work is picking up too..YIKES!!

So on the other side of the coin. I have been searching Ashley Madison for single men and married men. Yes, I think I prefer married men! Single men are looking for the commitment...YIKES. they are looking for marriage, they are looking for monogomy....not exactly what a newly separated woman is looking for~!! HOT, HOT, HOT, Mind blowing sex!!

So I have been legally separated now....two weeks. And based upon my track record (ahem) you would think I was now fucking like a bunny. And...sadly....I haven't had sex. LOL I am a pathetic single person....lol Oh the desire is there but the timing has not been there. I want to get out there already...

So last night, I went onto Ashley Madison and found some hot perspectives. Yup...three recently separated guys....potential there! We emailed back and forth. They all seem interested. We will see. And then two single guys...for additional flavor. So there are new frogs, old frogs and lots of potential for me to be having sex twice a day....and here I sit.....a separated virgin!! It is humorous...