A Feeling Of Alone

It's been awhile since I have written. Not from a lack of wanting to but from a lack of time. I miss my blog, I miss my diary, I miss the serenity it has brought to me.

On a personal note, Cheri has been seeing one man for eight months now! Yes, not one cheat. I guess my big question is....is life always a scale or are you settling if someone is not exactly for you in every way? The New Guy and I connect emotionally and physically. There is never a lapse in our conversation, there is never a missing of affection, he loves to cuddle and he's amazing in bed. He can eat me out for hours and absolutely loves it, as do I. He's got a special technique with his lips and tongue that drive me insane.

I laugh like I have never laughed, I connect with him unlike others because we do not have secrets. However, there are the faults. He doesn't give me the support like Mr. Porsche did emotionally. It's a little about me and all about him sometimes. Most of the time its okay but some days, I need someone to hold me as the tears flow and tell me its going to be okay. That and his criticism of my lack of gym visits and my diet are starting to wear on me big time. Some days I feel I need a break. So if you are really happy and you enjoy someone but there are a few issues that are getting to you, do you stay?

My mind has been fragmented lately. Work is overwhelming and the house is too. The kids all have drama and I am trying to surge ahead with major things like wills, re-financing, ill parents....I have been carrying a very large burden. As expected, and none of you will be surprised, the EX has lost his job and got one and looking for another. So I had to pick up the burden of health insurance and he hasn't given me a penny in over 20 weeks. His old liens and problems just keep re-surfacing one way or another. IT's been a rough few months.

But...I have to say...I do not regret for one moment getting the divorce. If fact, with each screw up comes the satisfaction of knowing that I totally made the right decision. Now if life would just get a little easier!!

On a positive note, I am starting a new business. Aaahhh...I can't wait to get it off the ground. So I haven't been on Ashley Madison in a long time, anyone on there with some great stories? I miss it actually. Yes, the men were married but they were quality men. I have been considering to return to browse, see what's on there. Am I having an itch? I guess. I heard from so many blasts from the past this week that I am back thinking back to those hot sex encounters.

Mr. Porsche is still in my life but I haven't seen him in months. The pressure is on, he wants to see me. I don't have the heart to end it totally. Mystery Man...ahhh...I wouldn't trade a day in for what we had. The memories still pop in my head and make me smile. He won't write. I even attempted to bring him into the real world with me and link on linked in and he hasn't become my friend. I know its so over and honestly, I wouldn't want to re-kindle it because it might ruin the memories. But I have to tell you....everyone should have a romance like that. Everyone should experience the lust, passion and desire...one day we will meet again.

Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men

Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.

Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.

Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.

Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!

Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....

Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!

So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)

I LOVE YOU.....Oooopss!!

I saw Mr. Porsche yesterday. He was surprising not stressed, he was calm, he was not deviant and he was gentle. Wow, what a change in pace. We cuddled, he made me cum four times...yes I was a damn river, you know how wet I get...it's crazy. It was an amazing afternoon. He wasn't in a rush. He cuddled me, spooned me, made love to me, tickled me, wrestled me....it was the calmest day I have had with him. I love being with him. the first ten minutes I just vented....went on a rage of all the things wrong with me and he held me and smiled. He finds my releases amusing...like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But he knows I feel better after and quite frankly none of my complaints was about him. He just smirks and then he looks me in the eyes and says, feel better? I say yes and then he kisses me.

We kissed today more than ever. He just wanted to kiss me and kiss me. who was this man? Oh he is always good to me but this was a different man. As we lie in bed, my damn phone is going crazy. wow you are just getting call after call...silence. he thinks it is all men..well two were. He's so not losing me, he's my foundation. He's my support, he's my baby. But reality is, he knows that one day I might find a steady thing. I guess it more realistic to him now.

So my friends called, we were making plans for dinner. I scream to him how I should go meet them. His eyes bug, they know I am with you? YES...relax, they know of you but not who you are..he did and kissed me. My friend heard the kiss, wow, lucky girl. And then as I was on the phone he kisses my neck and then slipped $50 in my bra. Go have a great time on me baby. He has a heart of gold.

And then out of no where...he was up against the door and I leaned over to say good by and kiss him and i said....I Love You....took me by surprise as I am sure it took him by surprise. I quickly changed the topic so he wouldn't have to respond or acknowledge it. Where the fuck did that come from? I mean I do love him. I love him sooooo much. But I am realistic that we are never going to be together and I am totally okay with that because we would kill each other. So I think I shocked us both with the I LOVE YOU!!

He left me there to get ready and then I met my GFs. Oh boy, we were laughing. My GF is having her single friend call me. I am like a single person counselor these days which cracks me up. As we sat at the phone, I got four calls from men. Doesn't phase you bitch! and we all started to laugh. Actually it doesn't. I am not fulfilled, the right one has not come yet. Can't even find one to fulfill that void. Mr. Porsche does in most ways but there is that area that others have filled at times but now it is still a big void.

Now my GF, she's in the big leagues. She meets multi-millionaires and blows them off. That's because she hangs out in the top places. So last night over a sangria, I promised her that I would go in and go with her to these places. Her newest toy is this super famous basketball player. I even knew his name...good looking guy man and big bucks. She blew him off...he was so pissed. But not pissed too much that he didn't call her two days later for lunch. way too funny.

I told her how the new guy wants to take me to Costa Rica. Tells me I haven't traveled enough that he wants to show me all the great places in the world. WOW, too bad he has some issue going on.

another great night with the girls and Mr. Porsche....I went to bed content!!!!! Aaaah!!!

The Power Of Guilt and Guiltless Infidelity

Ironically I was sitting here thinking about Guilt. How some things can bring on tremendous guilt within and others, while you think you would feel guilty, you don't. I feel guilt for almost everything in my life. Guilt on not finishing work, guilt on raising kids, guilt on not making a meeting, guilt on being late to an event, guilty about not calling a family member, guilty about not going to the gym GUILT, GUILT, GUILT. I feel more guilt than anything else.

However, the one area that I know, according to the world around me, I should feel tremendous guilt is with my infidelity. However, I do not. I should feel guilt about the married men I sleep with and the men's wives-I am with their husbands...but I do not. the hours of being on Ashley Madison and in search of a married man--but I do not. So I had to do some soul searching. Why do I not feel guilty? For a woman who once thought that cheating was disgusting-why the total turn around?

Being Stuck and desperate and so lonely. I did it out of a desperate need to escape and the desire to feel a connection again. I was dead inside, I wanted to be dead at one point. It was the high of talking and flirting online that kept me alive. And then the connection, the desire, the want, the need.....THE HIGH! It's as if I separated my lives into two neat worlds...never the two shall meet. How could I feel guilt for something that actually was keeping me alive?

And then my life started to slowly fall into some kind of shape and then I met men that brought me joy that no one else has ever brought me. So I reached a new level. Would I have stopped if I didn't find that wild sexual satisfaction? I don't know. I guess I will never know. But I still had never felt guilt. I felt more guilt when there were two frogs in my life at the same time then my infidelity. In fact, if the frogs had asked if there were others, I would never had lied. They did not ask, I did not tell.

So how did the lines get so muddy? The realization that I have slept with another woman's husband does not feel that great but its something I have blocked out. Oh I know they are married but I justify it because they feel the same way that I do. That misery, that void that needs to be filled. That emptiness and loneliness that I know so well. that room mate existence that comes to be.

Yet, then there are those that are happy with their lives, happy with their wives but just unsatisfied sexually. I do not judge. Personally, I do not think I would jeopardize my life I loved if I knew getting caught would cost me all the happiness.

I guess it is a scale. the Judging scale....the heavier side wins. reality, my scale was all one sided so there wasn't a real scale there. I knew what I had to do..maybe that is why it is guiltless. I also never did anything that got someone caught so I felt I never tore apart anyones marriage.

You come to this way of life and you take chances. It's a gamble. I have few regrets. Oh now that I know the outcomes, I would have skipped some frogs without a doubt. But a lot of the last few years has been a stepping stone to where i am today. And each one had been a lesson learned. Some harder than others, most worth the encounters.

I heard from Mr. Prize the other day. He is returning to his hometown to be with his family and wanted some closure. we have not seen each other in a long time nor have we spoken but the thought of closure was so hard for me. to severe the ties? We cannot severe ties and wrap them up into a box of memories and throw them in the river. Each frog will be with me for a lifetime. Each encounter may flashback at any time, any day, for any reason. It is a part of who we are. and hearing from Mr. Prize made me smile and remember how he helped me grow and the strength and confidence he gave to me sexually and as a person. Wow, the memories came back...he helped me grow and gave phenomenal advice and direction in many aspects of my life both mentally and sexually.

The one thing that I do know. There is not a frog that i hold any venom towards. Oh there are some that I would hardly remember, there are some that I would say what the hell did I even see in them...but for the most part, they are positive memories. And like Mr. Prize, if they called tomorrow I would smile--they are friends, a part of my life, a connection of my past, a building block.

So..I do not believe in regrets. I still am amazed at my lack of guilt but I guess does it really matter? Until you are here...until you feel that void that can almost drive you to suicide--you shouldn't judge.

A very good friend of mine is in the process of getting a divorce. girl gone wild!! I am amazed at her sexual freedom that she has found. I am enjoying hearing about her escapades since they reminded me so much of when i first began this journey and even more...when I went my wildest. have a matured over the years? In some ways, I have. I no longer have that dreamy, rose colored approach. Although with Mr. Astronaut, I got caught up in it again. The reality of that scared me but I have it more in check.

so there was my rant and my rave on guiltless infidelity. If I could just move it to the rest of my life--I would probably be better off.

I introduced him to my special toys!

Today was a day totally opposite from yesterday....but there is one common thread that is truly upsetting to me. I need to know, do condoms cause a man's penis to go limp if he is not used to wearing them? Realistically here I haven't had a hard cock in quite a long time and I am beginning to think it is me. The cock gets hard, the rubber goes on and with a thrust or two.....shrinkage. Please tell me this is normal and does happen or I will never take my clothes off again!!

The day however was amazing. The men I have been busy with are basically all aggressive. Oh there have been gentleness and slow, intense sex but today....it was truly vanilla. Vanilla like I have rarely experienced before. Mr. Organized and I met at a hotel. He picked a beautiful one too. He kissed me so gentle when I walked in and told me that I looked gorgeous. That I am so sexy. The man is just filled with compliments and for a change that is soooo nice.

We gently kissed for awhile and he undressed me as I undressed him. He laid me gently on the bed and he kissed me working his way down gently to each of my nipples and then kissing his way down to my clit. This man knows how to give oral. For a good 1/2 hour he was giving me the most amazing oral with his tongue gently licking my clit and one finger gently inserted. And as he made my body respond with an aura I almost didn't want to cum. It felt so good, it felt like heaven. However, when his finger hit my gspot and his tongue licked my clit so gently.....I could see the fireworks and I grabbed his hair and said..OH MY GOD!!!! The rush came over me. WOW, now there was an amazing orgasm.

And now it was my turn to reciprocate....I gave him the same treatment. Had him lie on the bed and I slowly worked my way down from his lips to his throbbing cock....I licked and sucked and massaged his balls....he got all excited and within 10 minutes he came. We both lied in each others arms and then we cuddled and kissed. It was so nice spooned together. It felt just right.

I was surprised when he started up again and said he was ready for sex. his cock was hard but not super hard. He put the condom on and then he thrusted and went limp. Now he was so upset. You could see the stress on his face. I am so sorry he said. OMG, I was so content, I was totally good with the day. Let's eat apples...he just laughed and said you are so cute. But he was stressed. Feeding him organic apples, I told him why was he upset? Was it me? He swore it was just the realization that he was getting older. I felt horrible.

And we lied there a little longer. I swore to him I was fine and I totally was. Let me take you to lunch he said. Oh no...we were not ending like this after a fantastic experience. I looked at him and said NO. So then I got up and said...my, my let me see what I have in my magic bag here. And I pulled out my bullet. I have to admit I had a vibrator and scarves to tie him up but I think he would have died. I turned the vibrator on and began playing with it and like a little kid his eyes lit up. Have you ever played with toys? No, he said. Have you ever masturbated? Again he said no. He was a good catholic boy. aaah, I see. Would you like to watch me masturbate? Oh yes....and he had a huge smile. I admit it , I felt like the devil at that point. Sucking him in to the world of bad boy...but I was intrigued that he never played with toys. So I began to masturbate with it and he was intently watching.....I was close to another orgasm and I said to him now you help me.....and he pushed the bullet in and out and he was enjoying watching it. I ended up cumming and then I pulled him on top of me for a little 69....

we both dropped to the bed and we relaxed. But I wasn't done...I turned the bullet on his cock...and made him just lie there and feel the vibrations. Do you like it? Oh yes.....on your cock or your balls..both but more on my balls. And so I used the bullet back and forth and back and forth..This baby got some power...Its my good and Plenty that I had lost for awhile. His cock got fully erect but what was even more amazing was his face. His face lost all its stress lost all its presence and he looked so peaceful, he looked like a little boy....I kissed his nose and traced my fingers on his face. Oh he was relaxed and it looked great. His face looked totally different.

Ironically to my surprise he said the same about me. That watching my face as I was about to cum was the most amazing experience for him. that I looked like I was so relaxed and so balanced and happy.

Time for a shower but honestly, he was not the type to jump into the shower with. Well not yet at least. So baby, did you have fun today i asked him? OMG, you are unbelievable. You do not know how I have never experienced a day like this and he gave me the biggest kiss.

And then I sat there wondering....wow, I have come a long way. The past five years I have experienced so much sexually. I have two people to really thank for that. Introducing me and making me feel good about vibrators and positions and exploring. I truly began enjoying and learned how to give a good bj with Mystery Man. I mean reality is, he was the first man's cock that I really wanted to suck. That I found to be irresistible. Lucky me.

And as for the cock going limp, be honest is it me? I am beginning to get a complex here since it is both with Mr. Porsche and now Mr. Organized. It's like a mixed signal I am getting. Do you think it is nervousness, age, condoms....what do you think?

i had a good day. My second date cancelled and then there was an incident with Mr. Astronaut. He removed me from his BBM friend list and I got a note. I was devastated. OMG, is this his way of cutting me off. I was sick..I called him and I sent a note to his friend to see if he deleted me. In the end, his phone crashed again and he lost all his friends. The feeling I felt truly upset me. That i felt so much for a man who could treat me so poorly. I realized that I need to separate myself from him. He is funny though. I told him I thought he dropped me as a friend and he said... ASS....lol... you need a part time job or a hobby...basically saying..you get so uptight and think too much. His humor is dry and always makes me smile. But I give and get little in return. In fact, I didn't even post the thing about my girlfriend and Mr. Astronaut. i will have to get to that.

sigh...I need to prioritize, he is right. My priorities have been slipping. I need to focus on the house and children and work. Sadly, my sleeping has been so bad and I am having a hard time concentrating. I am overwhelmed in all those areas so I strive for an escape....nothing feels like that aura when you are about to cum.

Sweeet dreams dear friends!!! xoxoxo

Takers versus Givers

We all play both side of the fence at times but I do believe that most people fall predominantly in one of those categories. And there are other traits like selfless and selfish, dominant and submissive, open and closed...etc. etc. Self serving is a good word I guess. A lot of them men I have on my list are self serving. Even Mr. Organized seems to fall in that category, even though he is a giver. Mr. Porsche is a mix leaning more towards him and well the rest--are totally self serving individuals.

I found this quote on someones site from Nicholas Spark and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter."

So I decided to really try to look at someones actions. Not only their actions but was my needs/desires a consideration as well in their decision making.

Today I had a very nice surprise, I got to see Mr. Porsche. He was in the area and he decided to surprise me. unfortunately, my time was limited. Things have changed with us. Not horrific, I think it is more that I have changed. I don't want to be stuck in a motel room every time, I would like to meet for lunch once in awhile but our time has been so limited lately. Our sex is unusual, in that it is more on the deviant level. His purpose is to make me cum (I can't complain). He also loves to get me to the point of pain versus ecstasy. Right at that threshold is definitely mind boggling, like I have said before it is like a game of pinball and the machine goes to tilt!!

So the sex? Its always deviant. He gets this devil look in his eye and I truly see the devil...lol He loves to chew on my nipples and we have sex with my legs in the air and as he thrusts he will have anal beads in my ass and a vibrator on my clit. He made me cum three times today and I can't even begin to tell you the amount of toys he has on the bed that we use. A toy for all purposes. Oh and he even has a vibrating ring on his cock....we are buzzing!! lol

I enjoy our time. we had a good day but there were a few incidences that made me think. He complained about my perfume (I know, it was cream that had a perfume). He feels the need lately to mention how he has no plans to get divorced, he told me to stop talking like a woman and start blowing him. And as we were joking around...well he was putting anal beads in me and he put them in my mouth as a lube. Excuse me sir, but with you and your prostate massager I have to use a whole bottle of lube. When it was his turn for the massager, I said...oh let me do the same...then he said, I will punch you in the face. Oh I was taken back. He quickly added with my knee but it came with a sense of anger that tears came to my eyes.Oh he would never hit me but for the first time he said it like he would.

And then I was quiet and concentrating on blowing him and using the prostate massager and I was just thinking. Thinking about our future, thinking about if I wanted to be here as much as I used to want to be here. And it wasn't anger on what he said, I was really soul searching. Oh this is still what I want, I do enjoy our time together but for the first time it hit me that we are not going to go on like this forever. And Mr. Porsche shocked me out of my thoughts when he said "You have such an intense look on your face right now." I smiled, he knows me so well. He can sense when I am distant or pre-occupied. He can tell from a hello whether my day was good or bad. I just smiled and did my magic. Yes, for a man who didn't think he was going to cum, I always manage to get him there. Finding his prostate has been amazing. Such a feeling sends him reeling out of control. He says his cock isn't even fully erect but I am able to make him cum and get that amazing aura. Its wild for him. Men, you should try it if you haven't.

But the funniest part of the day was that I set my alarm because the clock wasn't working. I had to be back at home and I couldn't be late so when that alarm went off I knew I had to fly. I was lying in his arms and then I started to massage his back and the alarm went off...."Oh, your time is up...gotta go!" And I jumped up and began to quickly dress. He laughed but it bothered him. He called me later and said the same thing...oh times up! well, well, well....that feeling he feels..that's it! That's the feeling I feel 99% of the time when he's running around. It felt good to turn the tables.

The sex itself...its deviant. My nipples are aching, my butt has a bite mark (his newest thing,like he wants to brand me) and my pussy is sore. So needless to say, my day with Mr. Organized, I am not as excited as I was last week. Truth is, I was suppose to see Mr. Astronaut tonight and he didn't even call so seeing Mr. Porsche was even better so it worked out. But I know I need to walk away from Mr. Astronaut.

I have a new date tomorrow night..I will let ya know how it goes.

Someone commented on my blog about the quantity of men. Oh, I get it, that is my point, the quantity is there but the quality is not. I am in search of a quality man but I have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that perfect prince charming and I am not settling.

Well off to bed...I have to rest my pussy for tomorrow. I hope I am horny, Mr. Organized has this romantic morning planned at a hotel and I am not into it.

Oh, the new look. I just decided to make a little change....did you think you weren't here?!!? lol I would love to take the time to really make the changes to my blog as I always wanted but there is never enough time. Its my baby!!

Brazilian, Landing Strip or Just Trimmed?

Mr. Astronaut was suppose to come over this morning for some great sex. I cleared my morning and couldn't wait. I was so excited yesterday that I sent a note....Brazilian, Landing Strip or just trimmed? Unfortunately, sex has been so unfrequent that I can give him all those options! BUT I didn't hear back. Not a good sign. That usually means something came up with work. Grr...In the bath, I knew he was cancelling.


And 7AM this morning I get the text. I am wrapped up today, not sure I can get away. Will probably have to make it later in the week. Sorry. UGH!!!!! I spent the day yesterday straightening up the entire house with still more to go. I went with the landing strip and now there is nothing!!! Now, I know he can't control his job. Some stupid ass criminal decides to make a move and caused me to not get screwed today. I know I should be understanding, he's probably working on some big undercover drug deal or its something to do with homeland security (I am guessing...his job heats up and he travels funky places). But they couldn't fucking wait one day to make a move? They had to do it on a Sunday, the day before I am suppose to be getting laid. Quite frankly, I want to kick that person's ass right now. Excuse me Mr. Criminal...your timing sucks...I am horny, I am bitchy and right now I want to personally kick your ass. GRRRRR...he will never tell me but I always wonder when there is some huge security thing going down that I see on the news if he is part of it.

Mr. Porsche sent me some work analysis this morning. No note, no mention of my vicious note...I did my professional evaluation and sent the results back. no note, no words just my report. And now I decided to just throw myself into bed. I have so much work but I didn't plan to be doing it right now. Pout. yes, I am pouting. Cranky, cranky...I am going to throw myself into bed and pull the covers over my head.

I Hate Men

So I think that says it all. I don't understand them. I don't get their thought process or lack of it. I just don't get any of them.

They fly in like vultars and then they disappear. Okay, I am pouting right now. Mr. Porsche is way too busy for me and quite frankly I don't see when he will be available in the near future. He's not a stupid man, he sent me a check to go buy myself something. Hmmmm....a pay off. Basically I am not going to be around for awhile, go get yourself something. Oh it was suppose to be for helping him do something but it was much larger than that.

I miss my afternoons of wild sex. I miss the escape. Oh there are tons of men but none that is fulfilling me right now. I am swamped with work but I still need that escape. All my frogs are entrenched in their work....no time to play. Sad, sad Cheri. I need to play!!

I haven't been around lately because I had been deathly ill with bronchitis or something like that. I am starting to feel better. It's a sad feeling when there is no one to take care of me. Well there wasn't before either but now there isn't even anyone to be annoyed at for not taking care of me.

I admit that I am overwhelmed with work. But I am so tired of just working and cleaning. I need to escape. So I decided I need to get into shape. I am not happy with the weight I gained and I am tired of being sad about it. I am joining a kickboxing class. Yup, I think that is perfect and I will do well with it. All I have to do is picture the face of my Ex, a few frogs and I should be in great shape in no time. It was that or Zumba. And I think I would do better right now at kickboxing....I took a hot yoga class. that was soooo much fun and well I am flexible so it went well. going to fill in with that. The teacher looked at me and said Ooooooo you very flexible.. well yes teacher, I love to fuck and do wild positions with my legs stretched in all ways. I didn't say that but I wanted to. My girlfriend that I went with (who is pissed that she has been doing this class for a year and isn't as flexible said she is going to take up sex.)

Okay the rant is over....gotta get back to work....damn I miss a hot afternoon fuck!!! I am craving mind blowing SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mr Sports Arrives After One Year of Cock Teasing

So it is two weeks shy of one year that my best girlfriend introduced me to this guy. a big shot in sports management. she knew him from her days of dating some pro ball players. He has been a good friend of mine for almost a year. He says he's coming out to see me and he never ends up coming so should I have thought he was going to show up tonight? Of course tonight he does. giving me 4 minutes to prepare.


Nothing is stranger than talking to a man for a full year and never knowing what he looks like yet he knows so much about you. He knows my tones, my fears, my desires and my wants. I am coming over to be with you! OMG! I never even thought about it. I can't sleep with a stranger who is not a stranger but a good friend. I told him I couldn't. I don't know you...he laughed and said, I know you very well and I'll be there in two minutes.


I started to get a panic attack and the gigglesd. He knocked on the door and when I opened it, there stood an unfamiliar face yet the voice was one I know so well. What a bizarre and strange feeling. I smiled and kissed and hugged him. I explained that I felt so strange. He said he felt totally comfortable...why? because he had a picture. He understood how I couldn't jump into bed with him so we sat and talked for awhile. I gave him a tour of the house and he wanted to see the famous virgin bed which we all know is no longer but I left out that fact. We hung out on top of the bed, listened to the radio and we began to talk.


Talking in the almost dark, I heard the voice of my dear friend as I lied on his chest. And then I reached up and kissed him. I giggled but was feeling more comfortable. His hands wandered and he slide his hand in my pants. Fingering me, I began to really loosen up. And of course seeing his hard on in his pants did not help the situation....well.....the man loves to eat a woman out and I haven't had a good eating in awhile...hmmmm...and you can certainly guess where there is going.


For a good 15 minutes, he feasted on my pussy until I came. Oh I was feeling so selfish at this point. And then I opened his pants to a hard cock. It was more of two friends experimenting than the intense passion. There was a comfort there for me. And he was excellent at eating pussy. While he fingered me. Man, he was good. I slide my hands on his cock and could feel it bulge as my hand touched it. You could hear a little moan from him. That to me is always enticing. I get off knowing that I am pleasing someone. So I worked my way down to devour his cock. Oh, he moaned and moaned good. After an amazing blowjob, I looked at his cock and felt that it would be a waste for him to cum and us not to have sex. I love what it feels like when a man sticks his cock so deep inside of me. I love the thrusting...I love when a cock first enters me and it spreads my lips and then my muscles wrap around his cock.

So i told him, get the condom. The guy hasn't worn a condom in a million years but no raincoat, no sex. So he put it on and thrusted inside of me...it was french vanilla sex. i say that because it was missionary but I added a little flavor to it with my legs wrapped around him and my additional hip thrusts. Soon after, he came. If he didnt announce it, the little moan was all he gave. Afterwards, I loved his reaction. His mind was blown. He laid there and felt amazing. He held me close and we chatted. Actually even called my GF because she couldn't believe we finally met.

Well the sex was good but you know me, i need to push the limits. can he get it up again. I just started playing a little after 10 minutes and it began to rise again. Yes, there was life! So now there was a challenge. He said there was no way it was going to get hard enough to screw again...aaahh!! That is a challenge I will take on. And so I did with a great handjob and a little lip action and well, his cock was up again. There's not way I will cum, I can't believe you even managed to get me hard again. Hmmmm....lets try! So he went isndie of me again and this time I wrapped my legs around him and thrusted my hips too even faster and then I played with his balls and to his surprise, he came again. As he looked me in the face, he had a dazed look. "I haven't been able to cum twice like that in 20 minutes since I was 17!" He collapsed on the bed. He works out daily and responded that this was a better workout then he could do at the gym.

he made me laugh so hard. He truthfully was shocked that he was able to perform like that. Holy shit, you are amazing. And that made me feel great. My girlfriend called me this morning and we laughed. Amazing how times have changed. When I said goodby to him it was totally fine. You see, it was more like a sport then it was an actual sexually intense attraction. The sex was like an activity. He's my friend but I had no attachment. It was nice. We both laughed, yes, I was feeling like a man feels after sex. Now i get it. There's no emotional attachment, it was fun. That was it. I like him but it was like he was my tennis partner or something. Too funny.
In fact, 15 minutes later, I was on the phone with Mr. Porsche who is out of town and chatting. With him there is emotion, it was so different.

So that was my day yesterday....tons of talking to various men, four dates and one sexual rendezvous. No wonder i was so tired this morning. Yesterday was a day I certainly will remember.

Deviant Sex

I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Porsche and I definitely have deviant sex. It's bordering S&M. I have been in a real funk. I am miserable about myself. My appearance, my emotions, my life. Mr. Porsche sensed it today. Amazing how I tried to be upbeat but he said there was something in my voice that he can sense my sadness. I guess when you know someone for so long, you can tell their mood just by their hello. we were going to meet tomorrow but he moved it up to today. And now, I am glad.

Sex with Mr. Porsche, while normal for us, certainly has a different flava. When I am uptight...I always like to start by sucking his cock. Something about it relaxes me and takes me away. I love to see if I can get his entire cock in my mouth down to his balls. Today, I was successful. Deep sucks and lowering him deeper and deeper into my throat avoiding a gag reflex. Yum!! Amazing how the gag reflex relaxes more and more with practice.

Next, he loves to make me cum. I shaved my pussy except for a little strip. He took out the bag of ammunition and I knew I was going to cum and cum hard. A vibrator in my pussy and then he starts counting down as he is tightly twisting my nippples. When he starts to count, I feel the pressure and lose the orgasm....crap, but then he decides a bullet up my ass will put me over the edge. Well, I honestly can say it makes me feel like a pinball machine....all if a sudden there are sparks going all throughout my head...TILT...TILT....TILT....and my whole body loses control. But he doesn't stop there, he keeps going which makes me a little uncomfortable, borderline of pain, fear...I don't know but he holds me down to make me cum again. Now I am convulsing on the bed.

He's been talking about a woman joining us lately. As we all know, I am not there. Not what I really want but if it turns him on, its worth the talking. He fucks me with my legs in the air and then he turns me around. For some rear entry action. Slow and steady wins the race and that was exactly what it was. There's one point where I am not sure I can continue but that feeling slowly turns into pure pleasure. And he just keeps going until I cum again.

I collapse on the bed...we take a break and then I go back to giving him a handjob and using our prostate toy on him. Oh, I forgot to mention that he used it on me..we now own two! One doesn't have vibration (that is mine). Kind of cute...matching his and her anal toys....something every couple should own! Well this time, I can feel his prostate and he moans when I hit it. And then I go to town...just massaging it enough that is it driving him wild. He cums and he cums hard and then it stopped and he came some more. Holy crap, that prostate massager does do a number on him. Now Mr. P loves to be in control. So while he laughs and loves the feeling, it blows his mind that he is so out of control. A feeling he has never felt before.

We don't have a lot of time. We lie there and talk a little. He massages my neck and tries to get me to relax. I definitely felt better after one of our sessions. I started writing this on Thursday and finishing it now. Tonight I am not feeling so great. Mentally and physically, I am drained. I am definitely depressed. I am feeling very alone. There are actually no frogs in the pond or I should say I have thrown out all the frogs in the pond. Mr. Rockstar, I ignored his text. Mr. Cableman is not what I want. Mr. Divorce Attorney and Mr. Myspace Attorney, I ignored their texts. And that is it. I am alone because I am really choosing to be alone. Not sure how I feel about it. I just know I should be doing work and I can't. I am soooo tired lately. I just want to sleep and sleep. things keep breaking in the house, I fixed them today but I am drained. Heading to bed, heading to sleep. I seem to be focusing on happier days right now.

What happens if that is it? Do you ever think that we have an allotted amount of good times in life? What happens if I used mine all up already? I mean what happens if I am never satisfied again as I was a few years ago. A high unlike any high..what happens if I don't feel that high again? Okay, I am getting very deep. I guess exhaustion can do that to you.....worries and worries.

Sweet dreams!!

A Shot Of Reality

Mr. Astronaut has been keeping a little distance. His normal banter throughout the day had stopped. He claimed he has a lot going on in his mind. I had a couple of hours today and told him to come over...he couldn't get over. Okay, I am feeling a little distance.

I just want to fuck him. I just want to play. He's not someone I want to get serious with just sexually serious with. Meeting in fun places, last minute, popping in mornings to fuck me before work. However, Once again, a man who thinks he knows it all. Finally I say to him. Okay, what's up? Don't pretend there is nothing. I know you for eight months now and this is a little bullshit lines you are feeding me. Are you not into us anymore?

What do you mean by us? he writes back

"Us? You and me and us fooling around"....and then lighting bolts go off in my head and I am feeling a deja vu again. Another man who is afraid of closeness. Another man who is reading my mind and emotions. Grrrr....and now a rush comes over me. Is this going to be another man who pushes me away everytime HE feels that I am getting too close.

"I have no intention of falling for you. We are just having fun."
"but you will" he answers
Cocky bastard so damn sure I will fall in love with him? "How do you know that you won't fall for me?"
"I won't. I have real control"
Aaaaah...."So if I get close to you...you will run?"
"Definitely" was his reply.

And so I began to laugh to myself. I sure know how to pick them. I sure know how to find every man who is afraid of emotion, closeness, desire. And as you can imagine my head starts to spin.

"You know you are missing out on so much. When I fool around, I jump in with two feet. No expectations of a future just enjoy the high with no walls. that's what makes it so hot. The boundaries and walls are down. Reality is, when its over, it hurts really bad but it hurts whether you give your all or you don't. You just move on. I want the high....I want that high of lust and passion. I am sorry you feel you have to have all those walls."

"I am used to disappointing people. I gotta go. ttyl" he wrote. Wow....here we go. I personally think he is the one who is feeling more and it is scaring him. I am not even in that place. He's a nice guy, I lust him but please..I am not loving him, I am enjoying the sexual contact and the foreplay. If he only knew the connections that I have had. This one hasn't even hit level 2. And I realized now, he stopped talking about threesomes the last few days since we were first together. Maybe he is afraid of the attachment or something?!

My final words, an hour later. "I think we should go back to our original plan. fuck each others brains out, spend two to three hours fulfilling each other and then we can move on". There was no response from him although I know he read it.

So what the hell is going on here?

Mr. Astronaut stops by for an almost booty call

I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I sent Mr. Astronaut a text "Where are u?" At work, he said. When is your break? What are you thinking? he sends with a little smiley face.
Oh he knows what I am thinking. "I am thinking that I want to screw the crap out of you and suck you until you cum." I'll be over in an hour.

Showered, shave, sexy underwear, lots of lip gloss, makeup, and my silk robe with my leopard fuck me shoes. Now we are ready to go. Just as I finish, he texts me, open the door. There he was looking hot as ever and I pull him in, close the door and push him against my door with a lustful kiss as if I haven't seen him in years. I take his hand and lead him upstairs. We are chatting but we both are thinking about what we are going to do.

I rip his pants off and throw him on my bed. Aren't you going to close the drapes? Nope, lets let the world see. My room is high up so no one can see in but I have these huge windows that while its hot because it feels like the world is watching us, it sucks because it is so damn light and sunny in there. I have to think of a way to fix that....grrr... Anyway, I pulled off all his clothes and immediately began sucking his cock. And then he threw me off of him and began opening my robe and began to insert his finger inside of me. Oh man, he was searching for that g spot and was so close. Its raw there is no romance here. Wait, my toys. And I take his hand to my toy drawer. Oh shit, he laughed. Yes, its starting to fill up with vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, oils, rubbers, ropes, blindfolds....its starting to become a great collection. He grabs my favorite vibrator and we are back on my bed. He is kneeling and playing with my nipples and thrusting the vibrator deep inside of me. I am sucking on his cock. The wetness is almost out of control, the vibrator is slipping deep inside of me and out...its so hot and a wave of orgasm overcomes me.

He's telling me how fucking hot it is to watch me cum. And then I throw him over and settle inbetween his legs. Your going to cum for me. Oh yeah, can I cum in your mouth? YES!! And so I work my magic on his cock. Licking his head, sucking his whole cock, he shoves my head down but I do not gag...I can hear his moan. And then has he is buried deep inside my throat--he shoots and it hits the back of my throat...I gag for a second but hold on and he shoots again and I gagged again but held on......and then he grabs my hair so my face is looking into his eyes and he just said...you are so fucking hot and such skill. we both laugh.

Now remember, he is the one with the serious cuddling issues. So I just got on top of him and we talked a little. No cuddling although it was so tempting to crawl into his arms. I told him he could shower....and then he began to look around at my room. Holy shit, your room is unbelievable. It does look great with my steam shower, huge tube and now my four poster bed. What a setup you have here. When he finished his shower and we kissed a little more, he went and took a tour of the rest of the house. He had helped me build my steps and he joked that he couldn't believe I had done them (and he didn't even fall). And then I realized he was in deep thought. Oh no. The thing I learned about him is that he loves to save women. And honestly, while I am suffering with the bills and you all know how tough my life is....I am fixing the house up amazing. And I do not look at all right now like I am suffering. After awhile he says...you have an amazing home. (I felt like I lost points on that one. I guess I was losing that slut image in his head. It would be harder for him to own me and control me. I remind him how I work so hard for it. Seeing my house may have been a mistake. I guess it takes the mystery out of the person).

He left and he grabbed me and started to pull me close. Today was so fucking hot. And then he was off. Who knows where this is going to take us.....

Mr. Astronaut is caught up in this threesome thing and us not having sex until we do it. After that, I will do whatever you want. Those words just seem so damn hot and since I have been fantasizing about a threesome, hey, I think its worth at least looking into it.


I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I send

Horny and I Can't Land A Man

So there is a pool of frogs and I can't get laid. Mr. Security, I don't know what his deal is. We sat and talked for hours yesterday. I confessed to him that I was having other affairs, he was shocked. He also confessed that he was doing someone else right after me and before me. A double standard. I can't spend any more time with him. He's just going to be a friend if I can handle that. It's his eyes that draw me in and he knows it. I told him I was dating and he was acted like I was ruining my chances with him. Let's see, should I sit around and wait for him to finally knock on my door again? I don't think so.

I went on a date yesterday with a guy that was an example of what not to do on a date. He obviously didn't read the Ashley Madison helpful hints page. His wife is in Florida and he is up here. He is starting over. Now in today's economy, there are many men starting over. I offered to pay the bill (even half when it came because I felt bad). Half of the date he talked about how he is living with his mother, eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches five times a week and sits home all the time. Wow, I was feeling sorry for this man but while he was hot, he lost all appeal. there is nothing wrong with starting over, I did. There are certainly rough roads (and I am still on them) but I never sat at a date just going on and on about my woos.

why do people do that? It's one thing if someone is your friend. But if you are on a date, why sit there and use them as a therapist. I left there bummed. Nice guy but not for me. And then he texted me four times after the date yesterday. I told him "Don't think so much. Action. You are the fate of your own destiny". Now what do I do? I am so bad at telling people I am not interested. Any recommendations? I have to get better at this since it is part of dating. I want a way that doesn't sound cold and bitchy. I want a way that it is sincere just, hey, we aren't meant for eachother.

Does Tiger Woods Owe US an apology?

So do you feel that Tiger Woods owes you an apology? He owes his wife and family an apology but he certainly doesn't owe anyone else! As I am writing this post, my local radio station is holding a Tiger Woods Apology Weekend-giving away all the things he should have given his mistresses to shut them up. It's pretty disgusting.

Did Tiger owe his sponsors apologizes? I gotta tell you, I am not crying for Accenture or Nike. They paid and reaped many benefits from his exposure. With any spokesperson, you take the chance of a scandal. Sorry, but that's the way it goes--he is human. And as a person who isn't a Tiger Woods follower, until this scandal broke, I didn't even know who his major sponsors were. Accenture?! I had no idea BUT now I do. Publicity, even bad publicity can be good. And let's be realistic, are men REALLY going to not buy a product because Tiger Woods had an affair? Truly all it does is remind a man of exactly how guilty he has been some time in his life of an actual affair or a flirt or a kiss. PLEASE...so I do not feel bad for these poor sponsors crying the blues.

And the mistresses. Let's be realistic here. Watching the press conference of his mistress with high powered attorney, Gloria--just screams I am suing you big time. I gave up my porn career....boo hoo. We all know that if you went back into the porn business your videos would fly off the shelf a lot faster now then before darling. Your crying press conference certainly didn't do it for me, it actually made me angry. Your new look of the business professional bob haircut and white prim and proper shirt was also ridiculous. We didn't even know who you were before. No one forces you to give up your career. You choose that road yourself. Did he promise you love? Did he promise you he was going to leave his wife? Hmmmm....let's use your brain here. Tiger Woods would never have a porn star wife! The waitress at Perkins had a better shot for his image. It disgusts me that she is going to sue him and probably get a lot of money. Baby doll, there are millions of women out there who have had affairs and we are not getting the millions. You knew the situation when you got into it. You knew who he was and you had the affair.

I honestly feel bad for Tiger Woods and according to polls, I am one of the few women who do. Affairs scare people. I have heard some of my lovers say--crap he's making this bad for all of us. Their wives are bringing the topic to the bedroom. An opportunity to see what your husband thinks about it. An opportunity to fish around to see if your husband shows any reaction or sympathy for him.

As he said, the power and his lifestyle made him feel like he was above the rules. He stands in a long line of politicians, movie stars, professional sports figures. They cheat because it gives them another high. Obviously going through therapy for a sex addition, they explained why he did what he did. But realistically, being on top of the world like he is and so young, unfortunately he was inexperienced and he thought with his penis. His choice of 11 less desirable women is what is really getting him in trouble and causing the distaste. If he had a few less affairs and with women who were more acceptable in society-it all would have gone down so differently. He should have gone to Ashley Madison and found some hot married women in all these cities. A lot less problems.

The man plays golf. He's not a preacher. I say leave him alone and let him work out his issues with his wife and kids.

Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!

There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.


I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.

That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.

I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.

I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.

I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.

However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.

I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.

I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.

And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.

Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!

But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.

And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!

A Day Of True Single Fun

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Now It was His Valentine's Day Treat

FIRST--YES THIS IS US...I LOVE PHOTO FIXING!

Mr. Porsche loves to watch me cum. It gives him so much pleasure to watch each orgasm. But I also love to give him pleasure. Nothing is more desirable than to know that I am pleasing him. after lying down, I tokd him to roll over and I would give him a massage. A combination of deep massage and light tickles. He was in heaven. I massage ever inch of him from his head to his toes (literally). And then I worked my way back up to his ass.....slowly he feels me working up that way and he opens his legs.....I oil up the prostate massager and slowly and gently teasing him until he is ready to feel me insert the massager into his ass. I work it around until i get there and he rolls over.

Here's the thing about the prostate massager, it is hot when you find the right spot. It makes him lose control, giving him a strange sensation that makes him feel like he is going to cum hard and he doesn't. It's little internal orgasms that causes that euphoria. He giggles, losing control is not something he is used to. This feeling, like a little boy with a sheepish grin, he is enjoying it and I am getting wet knowing I am pleasing him, knowing I am controlling the situation.

His cock is huge and I can see his pre-cum at his tip. I try to give him a handjob but its his own technique that can get him off. this is probably the most frustrating thing. Oh, there is no doubt that I can get him hard as a rock, get the pre-cum there but I don't seem to be able to get him over the top. With rubbing his balls and his magic touch...he came and he came hard....the prostate massager rubbing and pressing against his prostate. Moving it around and watching him moan....yes, I managed to give him that Wow...the pinball TILT! He then finally came...I open my mouth as he squirts his cum all over my face, some in my mouth, dripping down my cheek and quite frankly some shooting over my head.

And then we laid there. It was late, we were doing it for over two hours already so there wasn't much time to cuddle. He doesn't love cuddling, he does it for me. He told me he is happy to do it for me because he can see in my face how much I enjoy it. I love the gentleness, I love the holding and closeness, entwined bodies. I am finding out more and more its not many guys thing but if they are willing to do it for me, they are special.

And then I wanted to take a pix of him which turned into an ordeal with us outside, giggling and wrestling...the camera flashing all over getting flashes of light only. A woman had gotten out of her car and she was laughing at us, enjoying our little scene..running around the car, him grabbing me and the camera just flashing away. She actually stopped to watch us and she had that sheepish grin on her face. That look a person has when they are remembering some flashback in their past that brought her that fun, free romance.

We left and I was sad. Yes, sad because now I wouldn't see him for almost three weeks. Sad because my Valentine's day was over. This was all I was getting this year. Don't get me wrong, I guess its better than being with someone you have fallen out of love with, there won't be an awkwardness on the day, a twisting in my stomach but it would be nice to have someone especially since I won't have the children for the weekend.

What A Hot Hose He Had

So I had a date with the fireman on Friday night. Truth is, I have to learn the single rules of dating. I am a newbie in this world. There seems to be rules and timelines and I have no idea what they are. A married man, there is no timeline. You either like each other or you don't. If you like each other, you plan for additional meetings and the wings of lust fly you away. With single men, there are rules?!


The fireman picked me up at 7:00PM. I jumped in his car. I hate the first second. Neither one of you knows what to say or think...OMG, does he like me? OMG are we into eachother? I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. While he looked a tinge older than his pix...not much really...he looked hot like his pix. I was very happy and was hoping so was he. We went off to a nice restaurant where we shared appetizers, had drinks and even shared our meal. We had lobster and steak and scallops, shrimp and clams. We talked, we laughed and he did magic tricks. Very cool, he made the salt shaker disappear. He made a coin change....it was fun. We talked joking, we talked serious...it was a nice night. And the drinks, we kept drinking and drinking. I have decided I can't drink like that on first dates (you will see why!) But I wasn't tipsy but feeling very nice. The french fries came and there was one that was over 9 inches long. I am bigger than that he said and I started laughing. I actually snapped a pix of the fry which I will have to post tomorrow.


After dinner, we went to the bar for a drink and we sat and talked some more. He finally reached over and kissed me. Okay, he was into me. I thought he was, I mean he invited me to his getaway house for one unspecified weekend but if he didn't like me, he didn't have to invite me. As we were sitting at the bar, I realized this was the same restaurant that wacko pulled out his cock at the bar. He started to tell me how I would be very impressed with his. I giggled and said, oh no..are you going to whip it out?! I would never, he said. I would just show pictures. We both laughed. He went on and on how magnificent it was....I was laughing hysterical. I reminded him that he shouldn't praise it so much, I might see it one day and call his bluff.

One more drink, and I actually was seeing a picture of his cock on his camera. Well I have to say, first, that he is built unbelievably. We are talking he has the broadest shoulders and strongest legs. He has one hell of a body. And his cock, I thought you couldn't build up muscle in your cock but this guys cock is something I have never seen before. Most guys cocks have girth but they are wide with thickness. This guy's cock reminded me of a budweiser bottle. It looked really round and as thick as a bottle. Wow, this wasd unique. And in length, it seemed long. His cock looked like it worked out!! lol


After kissing at the bar, we decided to go to a local arcade place. In front of the place, he leaned over in the car and kissed me. It got really hot and intense. The passion was flowing and I could feel myself getting super wet as I could also feel that he was getting super hard. At one point, II knew we had to get out of that car because we were attacking each other.

Playing the games, he was shocked when I beat him at a skeeball. Eventually he figured out that the scores were accumulating but I denied it. It was too funny how he couldn't believe I would win something. Air hockey, he kicked my butt. I was pretty good at deal or no deal and wheel of fortune. We drank some more and we played the games and it was really a lot of fun.

At one point, we sat down at the bar and drank. The conversation ended up getting serious. As a fireman, he is faced with some serious things and well, one event actually has left him with some serious lung issues. He also told me that they found spots on his kidneys which he isn't checking into. That made me sad. I could tell that his eyes were getting a little watery. How this conversation came to be? We were talking about life. How you gotta live one day at a time. How you should just go for it and not think about tomorrow because there might not be a tomorrow. Do today and live it like it were your last day. (Okay, so now you must be seeing the frame of mind that was developing....drinks, hot man, live today....need I say more!)

We actually played in the arcade until one in the morning. We handed in our tickets and I got...a stuffed frog!!!! Yes, for my bed and I must confess, a Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo always makes me happy but then of course I had a fleeting moment of thinking of Mystery Man (which passed now that I know he is fucking around). With stuffed animals in hand, we went to the car and headed to my house.

Talking and laughing the whole way home. We got to my block and we stopped at the corner so I could kiss him goodnight. Well, that was some hell of a kisss....it was intense and hot and I didn't want to stop. Strong, his body so hard against me....I didn't want to sit there just in case my neighbors would see so we went to the schoolyard and parked.

Well, when we got to the parking lot, I don't even remember starting to kiss but it started to get super hot. And I felt myself getting super horny....and his cock was super hard and I had to see it up close. So as his hands massaged my breasts and he squeezed my nipple, I removed his cock from his pants. AllI could say is WOW. that baby was round like a beer bottle. He was super endowed, I have never seen anything quite like it...my hand didn't fit around it...I stroked up and down and he moaned with each stroke. And I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter and pulsating more and more. Oh my, this was getting way too heated but I couldn't stop. The more I touched his cock, the more I wanted it deep inside of me.

I pulled him over to my seat and we lowered the chair. His hot body was lying over me, his shirt was off now and I could hardly contain myself. Dear God, this man was built with a six pack and more. My pants were opened and his were too...thankfully we had nothing or we would have fucked right there. But he touched me and he could feel the wetness which made him moan even loader....I was still stroking his cock when he moved it up to my mouth...I hesitated but then I couldn't resist....he kept leaning above me and moving his cock in and out of my mouth. My pants were all the way down now...and I just had to rub my clit for one second, the idea of the car passing, us in the open, his hard cock and body, his cock in my mouth.....and then he said..oh man, I can't hold it, I am going to cum... so cum I said.... and at the same time, we both climaxed and he shot his load all over me hair and face....he quickly grabbed his shirt to wipe me off..I giggled. I can't remember the last time I came so quickly and got so damn wet like that with little help.

He drove me home and kissed me good night. I don't remember much about getting into the house. And I felt great. I sent him a text the next morning, he answered and said he had a fun time too. And then I didn't hear from him or did he say we will have to do this again. It just laid there and I realized what a mistake I made. I should have refrained but I didn't. It just felt right. Of course, my friends all yelled at me and that made it worse. Today, I couldn't take it anymore, I called and apologized for drinking and what happened.

He called back a 1/2 hour later....Hey baby, who are you apologizing to? I thought we were going with the live and let live attitude? I know, but I felt like it wasn't appropriate. Oh come on, stop it. He wasn't feeling well, had been at the doctors. I'll call on him to check on him tomorrow. I guess I like more definite plans after. Like, hopefully we can get together again soon?!?

On another note, Mr. Porsche called on Friday night, two times. I think he knew, I always answer my phone. He called on Saturday to check on me. And my buddy, Mr. Security, called today. He is going through a tough divorce and he needed to talk. I love that we are friends. The movie Hangover is coming to Movie On Demand next week and we have made a date to watch that together at my house. I don't know when but hopefully soon. Things are okay with us and I like it. With Mr. Security, I think its not the right time for us but for some reason, I think we will be together again in the future. Only time will tell.....

There are others, Divorce Attorney wanted to come over, Mr. Astronaut/the Cop and I are fighting over a threesome. I am perfect except for that is his words. Grrrr....after I told him about my date, he ran onto Ashley Madison and has been on there for two days now consistently. He's trying to find that perfect woman. I keep annoying him by writing, you will never find anyone like me..your loss baby. It's pissing him off...lol

Mr. Hunk Is Over The Top

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Tiger Woods Report On Someone Rushed To Hospital

Wow...I hope it is a mistake. As I woke up this morning, the radio station said there was a report that a blonde was rushed to the hospital at 2:30AM after a 911 call today and the person is in bad shape in the ICU. They aren't sure if it is his wife or his mother or mother-in-law. The djs were speechless actually and took a whole new look at it. This is a private thing, it really is none of our business and if someone may die from it--personally I think the media is to blame. I hope it was a false report or this thing is certainly going to end Tiger's career.

So the report of over 10+ women that he has had affairs with, Tiger baby, you were just damn stupid. Stupid in his selection and the numbers. A waitress from Perkins?!?! A porn star? And he allowed someone to take pix of him on their cell phone. Rumor has it the girl is talking to PlayGirl now. There are fires popping up all over the place. I cannot believe he had such a God complex here. How did he not think that these waitresses wouldn't want to cash in?

Gotta say....he should have gone to Ashley Madison, he should have found one girl to bang that was married or in a position where she needed an affair to be quiet too. As for his wife, at this point, whether she loves him or not, I can't see how she could stay with him. 1-3 woman of respectable backgrounds....she would have survived. But from the list now and the woman he chose....the embarrassment alone is too much to endure.

I always said, I didn't care so much if my husband found out as much as I did if my kids found out. His kids are young but this is something he won't be able to erase out of history. Wow, transgressions....I think he needs a few more sssssssssss on that. For his sake and his families...I hope it dies down and no one was hospitalized...sadly, I think this is just the beginning for him.