I Hate Men

So I think that says it all. I don't understand them. I don't get their thought process or lack of it. I just don't get any of them.

They fly in like vultars and then they disappear. Okay, I am pouting right now. Mr. Porsche is way too busy for me and quite frankly I don't see when he will be available in the near future. He's not a stupid man, he sent me a check to go buy myself something. Hmmmm....a pay off. Basically I am not going to be around for awhile, go get yourself something. Oh it was suppose to be for helping him do something but it was much larger than that.

I miss my afternoons of wild sex. I miss the escape. Oh there are tons of men but none that is fulfilling me right now. I am swamped with work but I still need that escape. All my frogs are entrenched in their work....no time to play. Sad, sad Cheri. I need to play!!

I haven't been around lately because I had been deathly ill with bronchitis or something like that. I am starting to feel better. It's a sad feeling when there is no one to take care of me. Well there wasn't before either but now there isn't even anyone to be annoyed at for not taking care of me.

I admit that I am overwhelmed with work. But I am so tired of just working and cleaning. I need to escape. So I decided I need to get into shape. I am not happy with the weight I gained and I am tired of being sad about it. I am joining a kickboxing class. Yup, I think that is perfect and I will do well with it. All I have to do is picture the face of my Ex, a few frogs and I should be in great shape in no time. It was that or Zumba. And I think I would do better right now at kickboxing....I took a hot yoga class. that was soooo much fun and well I am flexible so it went well. going to fill in with that. The teacher looked at me and said Ooooooo you very flexible.. well yes teacher, I love to fuck and do wild positions with my legs stretched in all ways. I didn't say that but I wanted to. My girlfriend that I went with (who is pissed that she has been doing this class for a year and isn't as flexible said she is going to take up sex.)

Okay the rant is over....gotta get back to work....damn I miss a hot afternoon fuck!!! I am craving mind blowing SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Shot Of Reality

Mr. Astronaut has been keeping a little distance. His normal banter throughout the day had stopped. He claimed he has a lot going on in his mind. I had a couple of hours today and told him to come over...he couldn't get over. Okay, I am feeling a little distance.

I just want to fuck him. I just want to play. He's not someone I want to get serious with just sexually serious with. Meeting in fun places, last minute, popping in mornings to fuck me before work. However, Once again, a man who thinks he knows it all. Finally I say to him. Okay, what's up? Don't pretend there is nothing. I know you for eight months now and this is a little bullshit lines you are feeding me. Are you not into us anymore?

What do you mean by us? he writes back

"Us? You and me and us fooling around"....and then lighting bolts go off in my head and I am feeling a deja vu again. Another man who is afraid of closeness. Another man who is reading my mind and emotions. Grrrr....and now a rush comes over me. Is this going to be another man who pushes me away everytime HE feels that I am getting too close.

"I have no intention of falling for you. We are just having fun."
"but you will" he answers
Cocky bastard so damn sure I will fall in love with him? "How do you know that you won't fall for me?"
"I won't. I have real control"
Aaaaah...."So if I get close to you...you will run?"
"Definitely" was his reply.

And so I began to laugh to myself. I sure know how to pick them. I sure know how to find every man who is afraid of emotion, closeness, desire. And as you can imagine my head starts to spin.

"You know you are missing out on so much. When I fool around, I jump in with two feet. No expectations of a future just enjoy the high with no walls. that's what makes it so hot. The boundaries and walls are down. Reality is, when its over, it hurts really bad but it hurts whether you give your all or you don't. You just move on. I want the high....I want that high of lust and passion. I am sorry you feel you have to have all those walls."

"I am used to disappointing people. I gotta go. ttyl" he wrote. Wow....here we go. I personally think he is the one who is feeling more and it is scaring him. I am not even in that place. He's a nice guy, I lust him but please..I am not loving him, I am enjoying the sexual contact and the foreplay. If he only knew the connections that I have had. This one hasn't even hit level 2. And I realized now, he stopped talking about threesomes the last few days since we were first together. Maybe he is afraid of the attachment or something?!

My final words, an hour later. "I think we should go back to our original plan. fuck each others brains out, spend two to three hours fulfilling each other and then we can move on". There was no response from him although I know he read it.

So what the hell is going on here?