The Shattered Vase

Every once in awhile, and its been a long time...my heart and soul is so empty that my desire for

poetry begins to surface. I used to write poems all the time, I haven't in so long....but I needed a little escape. a little pick me up. So here is one with double meaning based upon what my soul is feeling right now---like a shattered vase.

Sitting with grandeur in the hall on that table,
Looking so perfect and so stable,
But the years are beginning to take their toll,
The cracks begin to show,
And then one day, it begins to shake and tumble,
Its entire existence just started to disintegrate and crumble,
And all that is left of this wonderful piece were tiny sharp pieces and dust,
It’s done, its finished, the trash for it is a must…

But the garbage seemed so extreme and it was special in the eyes of the beholder,
Somehow, some way you must re-invent it, re-design it…her mind told her

So she collected the pieces and imagined what she could make of this mess
It looked so pathetic, it was garbage and totally useless
But with deep thought and determination
Piece by piece, it took creativity and motivation
And with some time, patience and deep thought
Piece by piece she began to sort
And she made it much stronger, more simple and she worked hard each day
And in the end, it was even more special because it was made her way
And when it was complete, it wasn’t the perfect piece it was before But it took on a whole new meaning each morning with each pour.

Be Careful For What You Wish For....Cause You Just Might Get It

My life has always been a rollercoaster. But the past two weeks has been closer to insanity. We all live with a basic foundation, I have none at this point. A very scary concept. Men. There are not a lack of men, however, there are a lack of quality men. My vibrator has been my closest friend. The lack of sex has made my orgasms intense. And as for my clit....just a few circles and my vibrator inserted and I immediately cum. When my mind reaches overload and my pussy is pulsating, its become a necessity to masturbate...it almost has a meditation effect on me.

Reality can be a scary place. This secret world I have been living in and my real world are about to combine into one. I can't explain it...I am not exactly ready for it. Four years ago, I had written a five year plan. It was going to take me five years to get my life together to escape. I looked forward to this whole new life of freedom. Well, four years later, I made that life. I managed to put the pieces in place to move on. I also had said that no man would be in my life at the time. This way I was 100% sure that I was doing it for me. And here I stand--alone.

Mr. Porsche has been concentrating on his work. The calls have stopped. I am going through withdrawal right now. Here is a man I would speak to five times a day. He was my best friend and while he swore my divorce would not scare him--its as if I have leprosy. Silly as it may sound, for the first time ever, he did not call to say have a great weekend. Oh he did ask to see my on Wednesday...I told him I would have to let him know. Honestly, I don't feel that closeness to him anymore. I feel like he abandoned our friendship when I needed it the most. He wants to send our relationship into reverse, to the days when we first began. I don't think I can do that. I really am going to give it a lot of thought.

I took this next week off to think and be with my kids. I am feeling so empty right now and drained. And honestly so ALONE. There are people around.....my work is going great...actually, today my boss gave me $1,000 for my vacation to hang with the kids. I am taking the next week to really soul search. I know its not the men that are going to make me happy, its me that has to make myself happy. and I need to begin finding me. I have been working so damn hard, so many hours....I am barely a person. Oh this week, there were six men from Ashley Madison who wanted to meet again. Frogs from the past but I declined.

So here I am. Be Careful what you wish for because you just might get it! I am almost there. A major blowout with the hubby....people are giving him advice on what he needs to do to screw me over. However, its the kids he is hurting not me. No set visitation, he thinks that is getting back at me. It's not, thats the sad part, he'll just be absent in the life of his kids. He's already planning weekends away with an imaginary girlfriend (I can't promise the kids any weekends). And to add to it, he is now looking for a better job. How ironic. I am going to have no money! Well, well, well....so Cheri is not going to support you anymore is the reality and when your family needed you, you didn't care, but now that you are on your own--now you need to make a living. Stupid ass...I've been struggling for ten years and you just laid back and watched. The man who needs his steak and potatoes while I would eat a bowl of pasta.

Okay, enough moaning. Time to organize my house, time to get my life in order, time to try and get out of the dumps, clear this fog and try to move on. Depression sucks however, i have been getting a lot of quality sleep the past few nights. i got these cameras so I can hear the kids and I lock the door. I have been sleeping like a baby and no sexual attacks.

And BTW, the comment moderation is off again but please--didn't your mommy teach you if you have nothing nice to say, don't say it. I don't mind critiques that are going to help me, make me think and aren't rude and judgmental.

Update

Frazzled is probably the best word for it. Excited and nervous about change. A lot is going on this past week, it seems like my whole world is changing. Mr. Porsche was away on vacation and when he returned, he didn't call. Highly unusual and I let the day pass. Today, day 2 of him being back, by 1:30 it was beginning to really get to me. We've been rocky and when he left it was a mixed bag of conversation. I decided to just call, say hi and see how his vacation went. The phone call was ok, I felt like a stranger in a way. He asked me about my week. I commented. He was definitely trying to be interested but I could feel a distance. He's stressed at work and I can hear it. I know its work...its nothing personal and I am not a priority right now. That is okay.

Ironically, he started to tell me how busy his week is (the usual when he was justifying not seeing me...like a prelude to a book). "Okay, whenever you can see me". Sweet, cool and very unexpected from me. Which I think annoyed him which is funny because I was trying to be understanding. "Call me when you get a chance". Usually that is later in the day....and I didn't hear from him the rest of the day. It's sad. I am keeping my distance. He needs to get on track with work, I need to get on track with my life and this little break is good for us right now.

Mr. Security and I spoke for over an hour today. We are buddies and it is not going any further than that for awhile. I did go back onto Ashley Madison and found a few frogs. Too soon to report anything on them.

As for the anonymous posts, its so easy to sit back and judge (especially with no name attached). No one is making anyone go on Ashley to find a friend with fringe benefits. They are there for their own reasons and no one is breaking up their marriages. Their marriages are already missing something and they chose this route. And to save face by getting a divorce? That has nothing to do with it. But I do agree, the faster route is the better route. Both the hubby and I agree we need to begin our lives over. If you are going on Ashley to find a new husband, it is not the place for that. but it has its purpose and it is there to fill a void. I am sorry...I still agree that it is a better way to find someone to have an affair with . Is a co-worker a better choice? Or maybe your friends husband/wife? Or a parent from your kids sports team? All choices that my friends have taken and all led to disasters.

Went out with some neighbors tonight who I had told last week. Ironically one of the woman specifically asked me to come to talk. Truth is, she is looking to begin the road to divorce as well. I told her I am nervous and the girls at the table laughed. You are kidding us? Why are people so surprised that I am not looking forward to dating? So they spent the next 10 minutes making a list of why a guy would want me...lol And for the record for all of you who think I am a horrible person--- the nicest person and most caring they know were two and three. So pretty was the #1 reason....lol So i must not be as horrible as all of you think.

Sometimess They All Return...

Sometimes there are loose ends. Sometimes there are just connections that seem to keep you attached. Sometimes there are flashbacks of hot sex and pull you back in. Whatever it is, something lures you back until the desire totally dies.

Remember the multi-millionaire that I had a quick fling with a few years ago. He has been contacting me three times a week. I realize the sex wasn't great then and honestly, he isn't doing it for me now either. I totally ignored him.

Mr. Security is back in the pix. We are just friends now. He is going through some tough crap and he needs a friend. I do like him but you are not going to believe it. And I am not saying this because of all the controversy it caused in my blog. But we were talking and the reason he kept his distance--the cuddle. I was dying. So I stand corrected. some people really can't stand the cuddle. Anyway, we have been texting every day. His wife wiped out the bank accounts. They are fighting over the kids..its a disaster. I really feel bad for him. And right now, we are going to be just friends. Too much drama in both our lives.

Mr. Astronaut and I had phone sex yesterday. Something about him (bad of course) lures me back in. Actually he was there for me during a crazy day and he gave me direction on what to do. I had a major emergency (a tree crashed through my shed and ripped off part of my deck) and he basically talked me through it. I was so glad that he was there to direct me on what to do. HOWEVER, we are going no where. He has this DREAM of a threesome and he is obsessed with it. He can see having an affair with me but wants this threesome to happen. I told him tonight we werent a match. I may be into a threesome (and I have been thinking about it) but I am not going to make a promise like that. So, I stopped BBMing him today.

And my mindset. Part of me wants nobody for the first time in a really long time. Oh I have been cruising Ashley MAdison and even helped a male friend set up his profile this weekend. But I am not contacting, not returning the messages--I kind of feel that right now is not a good time to bring in a new frog. I have major decisions to make....legal separation or divorce. This has been keeping me up at night. Divorce seems final and I can go on with my life. Legal separation, i get to keep his health insurance but I think its going to keep me up at nights since it isn't finished. Yesterday I was leaning towards legal separation, today I want a divorce. Any one out there have some opinions on this?

And this is the first time in my life that something hysterical happened but I can't blog it. But one day, I will go back and read this and the memory will hopefully come flooding back to me and I will crack up. so this is a placemark for my I Love Lucy Life. Sometimes it feels good to act 15 again and laugh so hard that you almost pee in your pants! All I can say, nothing in the world is like old friends!

Our Furniture Is not Good enough

When you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth...its hard to get that taste out I guess. I was born with no silver spoon, a working, blue collar, middle class family where I was taught you work hard for everything. There is no free ride, you work for what you want. Keep trying and you will get it.

Hubby has never had that attitude. He has always thought that I should work hard for all we have while he mooshes!

He is complaining that he can't afford to buy furniture. Take some of ours, I said. Take the bedroom set, take a couch, take an end table....his response, NAH, I WANT NEW. Hmm..I have damn wanted new for years! And then he proceeds to say that "you will manage fine, you have two jobs and you will just have to freelance for another job and you will be able to pay the bills." Interesting concept....I can have three to four jobs and that is okay and he can work less than 40 hours a week and I should feel bad for him!?!?!?! Did he think maybe to get another job or maybe to support his family or maybe to stand on his own damn feet!!

A moment of anger filled me and then I thought--see, this is just one reason and a confirmation on why you need to get the hell out of this marriage. It's not a marriage, a marriage is when two people support each other through the good and the bad. Each will have their time to be on both sides. In this marriage, I have been the one supporting and supporting.

Part of me is saying screw the health insurance and go for the damn divorce now!

This morning, I felt the need to tell the guy that my girlfriend has been trying to fix me up with that I was getting a divorce. He is married and why bother to even meet him if he is going to freak that I am divorcing. And so I told him. To my surprise he responded with ...I am happy for you. Your marriage has sucked and you have found the strength to leave. Wow...I wasn't expecting that. So I continued, and what about me not being married now (the old leprosy feeling). And he responded.."you have a great attitude, you've thought this through and I know you aren't looking for a husband. you are an independent lady. If you can accept my situation, I am not at all threatened by yours." Yup this man got some brownie points. So far, the frogs that have been with me have not hopped away. In fact, each one has offered to be the first in my bed when the hubby is out. Now that is going to be fun!!!

Out Of The Bed

Months ago, I asked him to leave the bedroom. He refused..I am staying till I am out of this house. I have asked him continously to leave--and I get the same response. It has been a stand off. Three weeks ago, I set up a mattress in a separate room we have. He refuses to sleep there.

As of Sunday, he won the standoff. After the incident, that night, I threw him out and couldn't sleep but since the beginning of this week--I have been sleeping on that extra bed and the couch. Which I would like to note....I cannot sleep comfortably for some reason. I have been mentally off all week. It is 2AM and I am still up and cannot get to sleep so I decided to blog.

He went to see a lawyer today. I think the lawyer told him to push for more because he is already asking for things. However, I want to kill the man. The papers are already being drawn up based upon our agreement. What does he care, he hasn't put a cent to the divorce.

tonight he was fishing. I needed something relating to Mr. Prosche's business. He said why don't you get it from your bf,Mr. Porsche. Mr Porsche is your bf? I answered YEAH...and laughed. He is so convinced that I am going to leave this marriage and re-marry or that I have a boyfriend in the wings. Truth is, I have so much going on right now with work (not good stuff), the kids (also draining stuff) and the divorce...I haven't been even thinking about sex. I am leaving for me. I am leaving for no one else. I am leaving the marriage because of all the crap.

I told him tonight that I am going to just go for a legal separation. He got annoyed. It doesn't look good I guess to woman that you are just legally separated. bottom line, I do not know which way to go with that.

I text divorce attorney tonight. I asked him to call me in the morning. He's on vacation but he answered right away. "send me a pix of your naked breast and I will call you in the morning and talk about your divorce" He's too much. I know he will call, he's been so reliable lately.

I did learn that there is no way to just casually put into a conversation to your friends that you are going for a divorce. I went out to dinner with some friends tonight...two of which knew and two that did not. I was unable to find a good opening so with coffee, I basically said...I want you all to know that we are divorcing, separating...something... No one is surprised at all when I tell them. It has been no secret that I have been unhappy. It has been no secret that I wanted more in life. The hubby is so surprised that no one he tells is surprised. Hmmmm...the neighborhood gossip should start up soon. I am just waiting for the whirlwind to begin. Yes, my neighborhood is quite the rumor mill and boy do they love this kind of crap. However, I hate to be the one they are talking about but I guess I will weather the storm. I give it two weeks before all these people I haven't spoken to in a long time pop out of the woodwork. The Queen Gossipers who like to get the story first hand. and the word on the street (my girlfriends are predicting)...Oh I wondered how long she would put up with him.

It's hard to say it. I am having a hard time telling people-I never give up on anything. I don't fail-but here I have failed.

It's Called Aggressive Abusive Contact..I think

Yes, its been a brutal few days. I took a sleeping pill on Sunday night so that I could sleep. I haven't been sleeping and I needed to be ON for this week. I awoke at 4AM to the asshole in my bed aggressively rubbing my clit. It is two days later (oh wait, he did it a little last night too) and my clit still hurts. We are talking rubbing like a wild man...I awoke while he was in the process and I flipped out! I can see how people are disillusioned and groggy and go wild. Thankfully there was nothing like a bat in my room because I have never been so angry, feel so degraded and so violated.

What a stupid thing for him to do. Now it caused more anger..I mean we were getting along as best as possibly expected. Actually the lawyer said we were so pleasant to each other. My friends were disgusted by him and others laughed. Mr Porsche said he was trying to lend him a hand while he wasn't around....and then he realized I hadn't slept and he felt bad.

Actually the agreement states he needs to be out by October 1. I wasn't going to be an ass about it if he needed more time but quite frankly, now that I am on the couch and haven't slept in three nights well.....I am going to stick to that date. He sits around on the dating sites and looks for woman..I am picky he says. I am thinking, he better lower his standards just a bit. If you would see the woman he is looking at, we are talking high maintenance, gorgeous, woman in their early 30's. Good luck with that one.

Last night, the Carbon Monoxide went off. We had no battery to test if it was the battery or actually Carbon Monoxide...so I told him to run to the store and pick up a battery before I call the fire department to test (3AM). He returned a 1/2 hour later with the battery and he stopped at the 24 hour bagel store to get himself a bagel on the way back. HELLO?! Your family is in the house, you are not sure its the battery and you are taking your time to get home? I can't figure it out if he is that stupid or just so uncaring. I truly vote for stupid, he always would do things like this hence the divorce.

My parents came over today so I could get some sleep. I mean three nights is a lot and I was actually in tears and looked like hell. My mom began to get really upset. Said I didn't look that good, wasnt my usual upbeat self. I am not. Actually sleep deprivation can do that to you. I am going to take another nap now and then go to bed. gotta catch up on the sleep.

Ironically, I was thinking today how all the changes in my life has certainly put a damper on my sexual desire right now.

the Plumber Cleaned ALL My Drains...

I was home alone today. The Plumber I met on Ashley Madison decided to come over to fix my exploded pipe. Gotta admit, ever since the construction guy awoke me from my asexual ways, I have been wanting to do someone who comes to service my home. You know there is even the Barter Club. Where a man agrees to do something (be a handyman) and in return the woman can just service him. some want the woman to be naked while he works. Some want them topless. Some want to screw and others want a diner date. The Barter System...interesting concept.

My barter was on the up and up (at least it started this way). My professional services for his professional services. The other stuff that went on today was just added perks not negotiated in the original deal.

He came over and we both smiled. I felt like a nervous school girl. He went to the pipe and we talked and giggled and had some wine. He did kiss me...a little more than a friend but not too friendly. He then said he would check the rest of my sinks and toilets etc. etc. Well, when he got to the one in my bedroom...well you know the tub is up there. and he was blown away from the bathroom. this tub needs some romance...I began to laugh. I was cleaning out the stuff from under the sink and he was looking down my shirt. I went lower and his eyes widened..now I had to straddle him to get the items in the back (okay it was fun and I liked his reaction). And this time, he pulled me down (I wish you were wearing a skirt) and then he kissed me...the situation was hot..the kiss was too. I got up and let him finish.

when he was done, and I was bent over the tub..he leaned over me and I could feel his breath on my neck. I turned around and he began kissing me and my neck and then he put me up on the counter and his hand began to wander. Just his lips touching my neck made me shiver. The whole barter thing was making me hot and then he gently moved my shorts to the side and put my legs on his shoulders. this was very hot as his fingers rubbed my clit for just a few seconds. I could seee his cock was so getting super hard...the bulge was bulging.... and then I had to stop....oh it was super hot, but I was not ready to do it in my bathroom with him.

I got myself together and then got off the counter. He just played with my hair and smiled and kissed my forehead. He just called a few minutes ago....he said he can't stop thinking about me. He's a nice guy and single although he isn't my type actually. He's a perfectionist...boarding anal. the man irons his sheets and spends 45 minutes on his hair, I am lucky my sheets are fully dry when I pull them out of the washing machine and who has 45 minutes to dry my hair?!

Is it in the Stars?

Change is good and scary but for some reason everything around me seems to be moving and changing dramatically. Ever have one of those days when you can't believe it was only 24 hours? My GF had her thing. Mr. Security called me....his wife got wasted and went crazy..third time this month and he had her arrested. My neighbor is dying and is taking a horrible turn and he is turning violent. I feel like things are out of control.

Mr. FB Lawyer called today to check on me. He knew the meeting was yesterday and it was close to being settled. We are going out to lunch next week to talk and hang. It's all happening so fast....yet its not fast enough. In 6 weeks, the hubby is suppose to move out. I know this is what I want yet I am petrified. A Saturday night and I am home alone. Oh this is a common thing but tonight it feels a little different.

the Plumber I met on Ashley called. We did a barter and he wants to pay me back tomorrow. No one is going to be home so its a good time for him to come over. I have some plumbing work that needs to be taken care of and he is going to do it! Oh yeah, I know exactly what kind of plumbing work he wants to do BUT I don't think I can do that in my house. not now, too soon...but it should be interesting. Yup..he's coming to take care of my bursted pipe....lol I need these men around me right now. I need the diversion. Gotta admit....a plumber was definitely a fantasy of mine or some kind of man to fix something in my house. And then we just move our way to the bedroom and I seduce him. Okay, I gotta concentrate on my real plumbing...lol

Busted Having An Affair

My girlfriend has been with this guy for a few months now. She's the one I told you about who is addicted to sex. I mean two men within hours of each other. Another man every other day and her regular married boyfriend. They see each other more than most lovers I know and two weeks ago, they went away together for the weekend. In some ways, I felt he was trying to get caught. It is not unusual for him to see her twice a day, he was leading a true double life. His marriage is the extreme--it has been sexless for years. They are just friends with no touch.

He sent my girlfriend a message and a little while later she sent back a message to him "I wish you were in my arms cuddling tonight". Aaahhhh, do you see where this is going...Yes, the old cuddle I think played a key role in the morale of this story. unfortunately, he got sloppy. He left his phone on and the beep came through and the wife opened it and read the message.

At midnight, my girlfriend got a call from his wife. She was so shocked she couldn't say anything. Basically the call went-- do you know he is married? And my girlfriend said I am aware of that. And then the wife flipped out and said "dont think you are the only one, you are just one of a long line of women". And she hung up. So if she knew about all the past women, she never confronted them. So what angered her enough to call my GF? I think that she has accepted his infidelity as part of their marriage but the intimacy flipped her out. Interesting that she never confronted him on any of the others but this one set her off in a rage. I think in her head it was ok that he got sex somewhere else but not a connection. She seems to be pissed that he went for friendship somewhere else as if the sex wasnt an issue. Interesting!

And that is it...

Today was another mediation meeting. Actually the final mediation session and now the papers are drawn up. In one month, we sign them and then by the end of the year, it is final. POOF! 20 years of marriage in one paper. I feel mixed feelings here. I feel totally mentally drained right now and sad and scared. A part of me feels bad and a part of me is excited to move on to a new beginning.

And so I can't write anything else right now. Kind of feeling very alone. Kind of feeling very torn. So bizarre. I am actually going up to bed to go to sleep for awhile....a little depressed. I think I need to rest so that I can re-juvenate a little bit.

As I was driving home, I had to laugh. Thinking back, I wondered what made me make the decision? what made me make the jump? Ironically, having an affair had kept me from getting a divorce. A combination of MM always saying he would leave me if I was divorced and the fact that my life was tolerable when i was having an affair. I was happier, I was more content and change didn't seem as needed. So, when that void returned--I realized I can't continue like this. I can't stay so unhappy....so how ironic that an affair kept me married. Go figures.

So now what? Nap first and then I need to begin planning my future. Oh this is not over yet. One more month for final paperwork to be drawn up. But we (as of today) agreed on everything. The mediator actually commented on how we were one of her better tempered clients. We actually were underlying joking and laughing as we were negotiating....me saying...oh come on, your track record, you know you aren't going to pay for this....so i want that....we had both laughed. It is what it is. Hopefully we can walk away from this as friends to some extent. Okay, I gotta go to sleep.

Mr. Eskimo - A Possible Frog

I like his voice, its raspy and sexy. I like his jaw, its strong. I like his sense of humor and he seems pretty easy going. Not sure how much he mentally challenges me but he can hold a conversation and he's intelligent. Downside--he is a newbie. Never went this path before. I also find when too much time elapses before a first meeting, the sparks sometimes fizzle. We hit the fizzle. It's been happening with a few guys lately. I think its that we are all overworked these days and nervous about keeping our jobs. Today, he wrote me back that he wants to meet for coffee. It's been too long and too much talk...lol I like him and he is a gentleman, I am sure of that.

Mr. Porsche did something very sweet today. You know we have had communication issues lately. I chose to layback off of him and give him some room. This afternoon he called and said...I was thinking about you and wanted to say hi and see how your day was going". It's been awhile since he did that. And I told him.."its much better now that I have a smile on my face from hearing your voice". Yes, we are in a much better place today. He is off for the rest of the week on vacation. And then the following week, well, he has a tough thing that his kid is off to college for the first time. It's hitting him hard. I am trying to think of something that is going to help him deal with that but I haven't come up with it yet.

That's it, no drama today. I worked and worked and worked and honestly, I am still working now. So exhausted. And now, I am going to stop working to straighten the house and clean. I am feeling a little down tonight. Major changes,lots of pressure, last mediation is hopefully this week, major house renovations need to be done..and the list keeps growing.

The Astronaut Can't Help But Show His True Colors

Yes, the astronaut was back last night and in rare form. Telling me how he wants it hard and fast. Oh and then he said he wants a friend too. I laughed at him. You don't want friendship, you want raw sex. That's fine, but don't pretend you want a friendship, we've been through that already. I told him to go find a girl who will do him wild, get the whore shit out of the way and contact me again one day. Of course I did throw in....too bad you don't cuddle, I got so horny I got laid yesterday. Well, he was dying...can we do a threesome? PLEASE!!!

This has to be one of the few guys I was soooooo wrong about. I mean really, he was bordering disgusting and certainly disrespectful at that. No qualms about literally saying Yeah, your right. I do want a whore that I can just bang the shit out of.

End of subject. I am not into that right now. I can get the sex whenever I want it with a variety of men if that is what I really wanted. I like the friendship too. And before all the Anonymous' come out of the woodwork with their second best attitudes and righteous cuddling remarks..... THIS IS WHAT WORKS FOR ME!!! Friendship and wild sex. I don't need a husband or even want another. I just want a good conversationalist with a sense of humor who knows how to use his cock to make me scream in pleasure.

A Rendezvous In The Safari Room

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I Need Some Cuddling Today....lol

How did Monday come sooooo soon? I am exhausted today. I feel like I have been sitting on the sidelines these days. Not so much physical action but more exhausting mental evaluation of my life. I have a long road ahead and so much is going on inside my mind right now. I have been window shopping on Ashley Madison primarily because that is what I want and need right now. I do not want attachment, I do not want love..the next few months, it's sex that I really want. A new entanglement with a frog that has potential for a long time thing, is not a good idea. So what will the future hold for me? I am not exactly sure. Will I continue affairs with married men when I am divorced? I think the answer to this is yes at this point.

I went to a single site (which was loaded with married men..lol) and found the men, so far..to be super guarded, into the game playing or looking for the wife to run their home. I am not into all of the above right now. I am content with the frog life at this point. In some ways, I feel lucky that I never had fallen in love where I wanted a man to leave his wife. My girlfriend is going through that now and it is torture for her. I get the life I have chosen and I am happy with those moments of escape!

Today is a meeting with Mr. Porsche. We have been so distant lately that I am a little nervous about it. on Friday, we had a long discussion about us. When I told him if things are continuing with the mediation, it should be complete by November. There was silence. I wish I was in his head at that moment. We've talked about it before and I think there are a couple of things going through his head. First, I assured him, this doesn't change us in that I do not expect anything more from him. He says he knows that. And that I do mean from my heart. I know he is never leaving his wife, I am too proud to ever financially accept anything from him and I know our meeting schedule is not going to change. On the flip side of the coin, I know he is concerned about me wanting a single guy. "One day you are going to leave me for a man who can give you all that you need on so many levels." I know in some ways he wants me to find a special person because he wants me happy BUT at this point, he seems to like our relationship as it is.

As for the cuddling thing. I never expected so much passion on the subject. It reminded me of the scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts wouldn't kiss her clients because that was more intimate than screwing. In some ways, it is as I guess holding someone is as well. But the point is, we are all different and everyone requires different things. Whatever your reasons or desires, it should be a two way street of fulfillment. My only comment on the comments....the dude with the not being worthy of a cuddle....that is pathetic. Every living being is worthy of a cuddle. That was a sad response and I feel bad for any potential lover who cross your path as well as your wife. I am sure you also feel she is worthy and should be honored to have your love? Damn, you have a stick up your ass or just really hate women in general. Love, life, lust, desire, hatred are all emotions. Don't judge, enjoy the great feelings...life is way too short.

And finally...okay, who is my friend from Sweden? When my blog hits over 2,000 hits in a day, I like to make sure it isn't a lover who found me (see, I learn from past situations! lol) But Sweden, I know you aren't checking me out as one of my past lovers...thanks for being so interested....xoxo

The Cuddling Astronaut Returns

As I was shopping today, the astronaut wrote me a note. Cuddling sounds so mushy, of course I would want you to be totally satisfied--I would hold you after.

Hmmmm...what do ya think? Personally, I think he thought about it and said..she is not going to screw me unless I go the hold you in my arms route here. lol Problem with that is that is the dessert not the appetizer. So after the meal, he could just skip the dessert! lol Honestly, at this point, I am sadly not into him anymore. All this cuddle talk, i don't know if I will ever be cuddled the same again. lol

And then I was thinking how this blog has been so therapeutic for me. It makes me think and I love hearing other peoples thoughts and feelings. Honestly, there is no wrong and right to the cuddling except two people need to be on the same page. I am amazed how many people have cuddlephobia...WOW.

Honestly, I think those who said they don't hold someone at all after sex or have any contact, are full of crap or you cum so fast its quick. All I know is that after a hot session with tons of orgasms, we both collapse and literally crawl for the pillows...we are wiped, fulfilled and exhausted. Its just the natural to lay in their arms. I never gave it a thought actually, I just did it and they held me and it was natural to lie there and talk, watch tv, massage, doze off.

As for those who reserve it for their wives. How righteous of you! I am sure that will be the icebreaker that will keep your wife from throwing you out on your ass. "Oh honey, I fucked her hard over and over and over again But don't worry, I didn't do the cuddle". Please...truth is, a wife just needs to hear you were unfaithful and I doubt it would go much further than that. The details are unimportant to her. The fact that you were with another woman, cuddle not cuddle, will not even come into the conversation. Did your cock go inside of her mouth or her pussy? That is the question and the rest in null and void! For some women watching porn or even reading my blog would be unfaithful in their eyes. And its like being a virgin...you can't become a virgin again so the fact that "Honey, I stopped doing her" will probably not work either. So the cuddle thing as a righteous step to gain brownie points is a ridiculous way to look at it. Actually it would probaby anger your wife even more.

Bottomline, I require being held after. I am curious, what do you guys do? you cum and then........? do you pull out and immediately go into the shower, get dressed and walk out? No words? No other contact? Literally, cum and run?

The Blog Posts Cause Controversy in The Bar

What a great time I had last night! Ironically, while this blog post was catching some attention on my blog--I decided to throw the question out there at the bar last night. Two famous players and three coaches from this professional sports team were there with us....so what do you guys think? I read this blog and there's a big controversy going on...and I read two of your posts (one saying its reserved for my wife and the other saying a connection after is important). Yes, the bar heated up..the combination in the room were married, single, married having affairs, famous, not famous...all ages. And the conclusion was overwhelming as the blog is except the men agreed they were shocked that someone actually screwed and ran. Cold was 100% the vote on that. Prostitution.

everyone agreed there needed to be some contact, the controversy was on the extent of the contact. And no, it wasn't divided men and women like many of you are assuming. There was one single woman who had affairs with men and she said after we screw, I want them out of there. It was also agreed that holding someone who you are friends with (not someone you just met) is something everyone would be comfortable with.

I was cracking up that my blog was the discussion. Of course, no one there except my best friend in the world knew it was my blog. My closest friends knows I write my journal online but they do not know where it is or would they read it. My girlfriend said she gets the edited version of the sex, she can't imagine reading about it play by play...in their eyes I am their good girl friend! (LOL)

Although last night was the first time I admitted to my infidelity in a crowd. Of course, my girlfriend is good friends with these people and I already knew there was no one in the room who would have judged me. Actually, 85% had either had an affair with someone who was married or they were married and had an affair. Makes you think about the stats....people deny it till their death. Most of the frogs have NEVER told anyone...EVER. So if that is the case, how off are the statistics really? I mean if someone asked me in a survey if I ever had an affair, I would say NO!!!! So how do they get the stats on that? Personally, I think they are much higher.

Is Cuddling an emotional Attachment

Oh...we are getting somewhere here. Just from the responses I am seeing a revelation. For men, cuddling seems to equal and emotional attachment. As if you, holding a woman in their arms is a totally emotional thing. As if, we are talking love and commitment. Is that what I am hearing here?

For me, it just completes the sex act. It fills a part of the void that I feel inside. It makes the sex act complete. A beginning, the act, an end. I guess its the completion. Ironically, I would lie in a male friends arms and talk and star at the stars. I do not expect an emotional attachment from that. After being with someone sexually...for a woman there are usually internal feelings happening of lust, desire, want, excitement and a desire for intimacy. Is it emotional attachment? No. It is the completion to a fantastic day of sex. Its that moment when I am sexually satisfied and lying in my lovers arms just balances me. A time when my hormones and desires and all those exciting sparks...come to a balance and some peace. I can't explain it...lying in my lovers arms is like the icing on a cake...almost like meditation or yoga. All the good feelings are extending throughout my body.

does it mean love? does it mean I am becoming emotionally attached? NOOOOOOOOO!! I am amazed how cuddling can be such a major thing. There are soooo many emotions in life, why are the good ones so controversial?

He did write back...LOL are you kidding?? I think I took him back with the I'll send a girl your way if she doesn't want to be touched!! I said, maybe a little teasig but for me....cuddling is like an after dinner drink or dessert. Its what I like to do and a connection is a two way street, both people should be happy and satisfied. Good luck, you were cute but I will not settle...

And it actually felt good. Tonight I am going to hang with a good friend. The one who is into the athletes. Well, we are going out tonight to hang tonight with a few famous sport figures. Ironically, some of you men would probably be soooo into it....me, I don't know anything about the sports. I know their names but they don't do it for me. Of course, maybe I can find someone who does.....

Poor Baby-I Won't Screw and Run

So the reality is, many men cannot take a woman who has a brain, an opinion and one that has her own wants and needs. It confused me all day, what happened with Mr. Astronaut. It was so bizarre so I sent him a note. have a good weekend. He wrote back thank you U2. Hmm...I had to know, how did we go from boiling over passion to the ice ages in a matter of seconds. I wrote him....so what happened yesterday? And he wrote back...the cuddling was the deal breaker you said. WHAT?!?! He was upset that I liked to be held after a wild sex session. That instead of screwing and jumping up and getting dressed like a whore, I liked to hangout and relax, lie in someones arms and get ready for round 2??? I wrote back "So you are telling me--that if I wanted to lie in your arms after sex, contact is an issue?" He writes back..I told you, I don't do cuddling.

And I wrote back....well baby doll, then I guess I don't do you! I am a sensual person, I love massaging someone after or just lying in their arms. I admit it, I know that MM wasn't a huge fan but he actually got into it after awhile. It was our quiet time, our joke time, our tv time. Sometimes I would massage him or him me...sometimes we would just tell jokes, sometimes watch porn, sometimes I would take my finger and just trace his face...he even fell asleep a few times which was my favorite as I lied in his arms. It actually got longer as time went on.

Mr. Porsche, he hates it BUT knows how important it is to me. So he even announces it....okay, come here...10 minutes of cuddling.

When you are with someone, I would think you would want to please them. Giving 5 minutes of yourself to make someone you care about feel special that is not a deal breaker. So, my conclusion, Mr. Astronaut is not for me at all. Dude, I like that little contact after..before jumping up and throwing on your clothes..amazing how he really couldn't do that or wouldn't even entertain the idea. Well I am standing up for my position her. If you can't let me lie in your arms for 5 minutes after you just explored every inch of my body...after your cock was thrusting inside of me..and we exchanged every body fluid imaginable...then you are not for me.

Final note to him....sorry baby, if contact after sex is an issue for 5 minutes, you aren't for me. If one of my friends doesn't need contact after sex, I will send them your way. And please, if you have a friend who can handle a girl touching him after sex--send him to me...good luck in your journey. How was I soooo wrong about this guy. And proof again, a Starbucks meeting is a very good idea before rushing to a motel room. I am so glad I stuck to my guns on that one....I would have been crushed if I let him force me to go to a motel and he would have shunned me like that after.

Well his loss....I am convinced its these Government dudes who have these issues. Mr. Government also was uncomfortable with contact after sex. BUT he even did it...wow, amazing how the C word scares some men!! These are men who go undercover, who see death, who fight for our countries freedom, even go into enemy territory and the CUDDLE is their torture point. If the enemy only knew this...bizarre...okay, next frog!!

Insane Day

today was an insane day. My baby sitter threatened to quit because my son and his friend are out of control cursing at the video game. My son did a flip out..total flip out tonight. Threw my little one. It was bad. So what does the hubby do? Reward him and come back for him after I said he was punished. GREAT...I am not taking him driving for weeks now. forget it. He called me a Bitch too.

Work, disaster..got sporting tickets for events and the tickets were not where they were suppose to be. could effect my job here. this is really bad.

And the finally, I met Mr. Astronaut. He was cute, not amazing but I liked him, But there was something about him that was strange. I said let's drive a little but he wanted to stay in a parking lot with tons of people. He kept pushing and pushing for a hotel room. I didn't want to do that. Did that with MM only the first time. I didn't feel that with this guy. And now, I am glad I didn't. His cock was harder than hard. I joked, is that your gun? I reached over and felt it. It literally took a few kisses and just a few rubs for this guys cock to explode (and I was rubbing the outside of his pants). He had been attentive, tod me I was hot and he wanted to be with me. Wow....

As soon as he came, we drove back to the starbucks and he went in to clean up. He came out...cold and distant. His attention shifted from me to the people around me, Then I asked him why he was distant. The coffee. He asked if I wanted to go for pizza...we did. Cuddling came into the conversation. I don't cuddle he said. I said so not at all? Don't you like a massage, some wrap your body into each other and hangout and some affection. Nope, you do your thing and that is it. Watch some tv. And round 2? 1/2 hour later. He also started while we were kissing how I would be his little bitch and little whore. I told him straight out...I think this might be a big problem for us. I love sensuality and affection. I walked out and was disappointed...we shook hands teasingly. And then he said he had to get to the gym.

wow, where did that icicle come from. Like a little kid who screwed and didnt know what to do. hI figured that was it...I am not seeing him again. He text a funny note later tonight. And I wrote back...asked him how he was doing? he didn't respond. All I can say I am glad that I didn't sleep with him. I would have been crushed after that. Scarily, he was like the old Mr. Government. Maybe it was the job.

When to contact the other man I was into....he didn't call me back or email.

so tonight was a spuper stressful night. I am not going to settle...I need my cuddling and giggling. Oh Mr. Porsche and I had a long discussion tonight as well. Not a bad but not a good one. He's stressed. He needs a little space. He knew I was pissed. I can't win. I said well you are going away on vacation for two weeks, there is your space. He didn't say it mean...

Heading to bed.....hubby went against me again and took my son out. Unbelievable.....I don't know what to do. How do you reel in a spoiled child with a bad month, anger problems and just wants and wants and wants.

An Astronaut or a Lion Tamer?!?

So last night I am texting back and forth with this guy from Ashley Madison. Frankly, I am thinking this guy is anal and egotistical because he is not answering questions. He is just asking tons of questions and wants more and more pix. Please, you joked and said you were an astronaut and that's all I know about you. He was new to the site and I was not in the mood to play games. I went to sleep and told him I would call him. finally, later in the day...I decided to just call, I figured he would be a jerk and then I would move on. I admit it. I only agreed to call because he was cute. But check him off..things I needed to do "throw a frog back into the pond" and get on with my day. Ladies and gentleman...I was surprised.

I called, he had a nice voice. Is this the astronaut? He had a great laugh. We began to talk and to my surprise, he was saying that his blackberry was leaving additional spaces and he didn't see the second half of the emails (which obviously was the parts that asked the questions). He was confused when I kept writing you aren't answering my questions. LOL Okay let's start again. And so we did. He said he would tell me almost anything I wanted.

For those of you who know me, you are going to laugh. Mr. Astronaut is.....okay guess what he does?! Yes, he works for the Government. And what do you think he does? Something undercover, he flies out of the country a lot on business..foreign countries....yes, he is doing some kind of police, homeland security stuff. Now doesn't that sound familiar?!? Is our country just filled with horny men who are suppose to protect our country or is it that I am some how a magnet to these men!!?! Hmmmm...is this my third or fourth one now:!?! You know, I might be a very good spy for the other side. Get them to spill their guts as I as their cocks are so deep in my throat...however, you know how patriotic I am. I love my country and love men who serve it. Yes, I will sing the Star Spangles Banner as he is thrusting his pole in me. Such patriotism don't ya think!!?

Actually, I was a skeptic at first but the way he said it, it was true. And now here is the part where Cheri is going to take a fall.......danger ahead...danger ahead.....He has been in a marriage for 5 years where there is no love or sex. They live in separate bedrooms, He had one affair over the years and its been over for some time. He has been searching for the guts to leave. His wife never worked and he can't leave the kids. Wow, sounds familiar. So we talked and talked and talked for three hours. About everything from favorite colors to favorite positions. About a few of my affairs. OK, I only mention three. I don't mention the filler frogs....just that there was a few. We also spoke about his.

We laughed and honestly hated to hang up. I told him everything about me. I like to lay it right on the table about my real life. And he said to me....I can't believe I met someone like you online. Oh, i have spoken to a few women online but most were wackadoos or a conversation was like pulling teeth. You are so easy to talk to. So what is wrong with you? Well here is a man who is nicely built and all that kept going through my mind was the 15 lbs I gained and how I haven't been feeling good about myself. I have been going to the gym....my pants are fitting a little better but its not coming off as quick. Rrrrrr....I may not meet him tomorrow because of it.

Honestly, this was the first conversation in awhile where I felt my heart skip a beat. And what was the thing that pulled me in the most. I asked him what he was having for dinner and he said a sandwich. She doesn't cook for you? No, he said. She hasn't cooked for me in years. Wow, that is what did it to me. This man has been so empty with a void and he told me how lonely it is. And honestly, I cook for my husband still every night (well almost). I am cooking for me and the kids so how could I not cook for him? I mean its nothing really. I just leave it on the stove and he warms it up. So I asked him his favorite meal....he told me and all of a sudden I said to him, one day, I am going to cook that for you.

He IM'd me later in the night and he said that he has to meet me tomorrow (actually he was meeting another woman at the beginning of the conversation tomorrow and I told him he was like a kid in a candy store with the 4 women since he signed on, most men don't get that so I was going to back out and let him play and meet a few months from now). By the night, he said he cancelled his meeting, he couldn't stop thinking about me and he really hoped I would meet him tomorrow for coffee. I am so tempted.

So we are kind of in the same place in life except that I have played a lot more recently and I made the move with the mediation. So do I meet him?! Something about him is drawing me to him. It must be Mr. Astronaut's gravitational pull....or I am just a sucker for government officials...lol

It's 1:33, I have to get to sleep. Gotta be up in 5 hours.....sweet dreams.....so how did I get two new frogs this week? I thought I was taking a break?!? And as for Mr. P. Well honestly, I warned him that time of month was coming and that we should meet the beginning of the week. He didn't listen and well guess what arrived today? I wanted to kill him so I guess its a good time for some Starfucks!

More Frogs and still a sexual void

I sat back today and after reading that crazy blog about the guy who went on the massacre, I realized that I am very lucky. Loneliness is such a hard thing and ironically while I say I am alone, I am so not alone. So what is this void I feel? It's not a lack of attention. When I think about my day today, the enderlying emptiness was there BUT I didn't have time for all the frogs that jumped into my life. Here is a rundown of my day. Actually for the first time in a long time, I am excited about a new frog (okay two new frogs).

Began my morning with my phone ringng at 7AM....Private number...hmmm..definitely divorce attorney. The only one who has the balls to call so early because he woke up craving to hear my voice. (actually this was confirmed tonight when he text me).

8AM...a new construction dude that I have been talking to regularly. I like him. He reminds me of my first lover with this strong jaw. It's really sexy. He's funny, he's nice...he's the playa and newbie I told you about. He called to tell me that he tossed and turned all night with a woody because after he said goodnight to me last night, he had a raging hard on that kept him up all night. I giggled, having returned to bed to wait for my coffee to brew. So baby, what did you think about. My sleepy morning voice gave him another hard on. Well now, we couldn't have that. A man needs to focus. He actually pulled off the side of the road and we had phone sex. Yes, I enticed him to tell me what he had been thinking about...how he was thinking about me in the shower with him and kissing me and me getting on my knees to give him a blow job in the shower. Oh yeah...a few circles on my clit and one moan...tell me more baby and we both orgasmed....perfect start to a day! Poor thing was on the side of the road jerking off and had a mess...he said it was better than walking around all day with his dick going up and down thinking about me. LOL....thankfully as a woman I don't have to worry about that.

10AM- Mr. Security Man called. He's going through a tough time and he is starting an ugly divorce. We talk and console each other. I miss him but right now is not the time to continue where we left off. Although there are two flashbacks with him that are so damn hot. Me bent over the table as he uses my juices to lube his cock and we have anal. Damn that was hot. And that one time in the bed, where he was so damn sensual, it gave me the tingles...super hot! Ok, we will meet soon but for coffee. He's afraid we will end in bed. I am going to be strong, he doesn't need that right now. He needs a friend more and I will be there for him.

10:30AM- FB Lawyer contacts me. he was away on vacation and I know he was busy when he got back but hey, you could have dropped me a note last week when you got back. He's feeling it now....been calling and texting all week. I will answer tomorrow. Honestly, he catches me just when I am in the middle of a drama at work.

11:25AM- new guy I met online last night...the astronaut, sent me a text. I had said I would call at 10:30. Truth is, he didn't answer one question I asked him. I am not sure he is for me. All he wanted was pictures and more pictures. I don't even know if I am going to bother. I like to know the person. Obviously he isn't an astronaut so what is he...?? who is he??

12:15Pm- that single guy who reminds me of a little kid. I need a man. I need a Type A personality, he is definitely not that personality that I need. He calls twice today. I feel bad, he's sweet but not for me. I know I need to tell him.

1:30PM- I call Mr. Porsche. I am getting tired of calling Mr. Porsche actually. I hung up. He has no time lately, he is overworked but just a few words would be nice. We were suppose to meet this week because he is going on vacation. Ironically, if we don't plan, its not happening. We didnt plan and well it isn't happening. He called, I was on the phone with work. He said that just hearing my voice on my machine made him smile during his stressful day. Sweet but I miss him. I left a message, he didn't call back. He is beyond stressed.

2:00PM- New Mr. Construction sends me the sweetest note. Basically asking me if I was ready for round 2!! He said this morning was so damn hot. Mmmmmmm....I love when a guy thinks I am so sexy.

3:00PM- Work has been a disaster today. I have been working like crazy and trying to juggle everything. The day is flying and I forget the frogs I am suppose to call. I decided to call back this new frog. Let me see if he is even worth the time. He is cute but I don't think he is my type.

Well...I called. And I am happy I called. He definitely might be my new lead frog. Oh he is a scary one. And I am going to post a little about our 3 hour conversation and back and forth blackberry Messages that went until 10PM tonight.

So am I actually lonely? No. I am not lonely. I guess that is not the right word.But I am definitely slightly empty at times. that void that very few men can fill. So a little about the astronaut. I am going to start it tonight and then post it tomorrow morning. Sweet dreams!!

the Blogger who went crazy in a gym

It's wild how you can get sickened and disturbed by something yet find yourself so entrenched in the reading, you just keep reading. In the Post online today, they put a man's blog who went into a gym and opened fire on all these women. Scarily, this man has been keeping this blog for over a year. I read the whole thing...what a very sad story on so many levels. First, the innocent people that died because he felt he was rejected by every woman in the world. He hadn't had sex in over 20 years. Couldn't get a date but he was considered a nice guy. He hated women yet he loved them. The blog was really disturbing and so sad that he felt such solitude. And then, how he hated college girls so calling them whores. He even fathered a child I think that he never saw. Very sad the whole thing.

I think it was also so disturbing that this man just opened a blog account and blogged his plans. Did no one come across it? To think that this was sitting on the internet for so long and no one found it. Or even worse, someone read it and moved onto the next blog. My blog has had over 315,000 hits in 4 years. SOMEONE must have seen his blog. His writing was painful. You could feel his solitude. It just is so sad that he would resort to such an extreme. Solitude and rejection from women made him a bitter, psychotic person. Very scary.

Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. That wasn't what I originally wanted to blog....it was my day. I guess I am very lucky. Even with things being difficult at times, I am still surrounded by new and caring people and making new friends each day. And the old ones I have....they are amazing. I am lucky!

Can You say Crazy Day?

Well today I could hardly think about sex. Okay, I did a couple of times, of course I did. Confession Time. Oh please don't shoot me....I sent the last part of my last post to MM. Come on, you all knew I was thinking of him and having intense flashbacks when I wrote that. You all know that I NEED THAT DESIRE, THAT PASSION, THAT HOT COCK OF HIS THRUSTING INSIDE OF ME!!! Okay, he hates me now. I understand that but damn, you have a damnsel in distress that needs your cock....can you resist your succubus?!!? Damn stubborn man....LOL

Today was a rollercoaster. 3 high power negotation meetings and before that a meeting with the mediator. Well let's just say after my meeting with the mediator...I kicked ass in my business meetings. Can you say a charming baracuda?! I confess, today I used my flirting charm and my business saavy to shave off a couple of thousand (actually $10,000 off a big deal) another meeting....I charmed them so they called my boss and said I was dangerous...they closed the deal with me right there. I was ON today....truth is, after that mediation....everything seemed so simple.

Have I mentally turned into a man and that desire for sex

Okay, not actually sexually but I guess mentally at times I take on a man's thinking pattern because I have been on Ashley Madison for soooooo long. I think it also has to do with my busy work schedule. When I first began Ashley, I was so naive..so rose colored glasses would be the best way to describe it. I was looking for a married prince charming on so many levels. I was hoping he would fulfill so many voids in my life and heart. Poor Mr. Government....Poor Chris. lol Both of them got caught up in my worldwind of romance. I had the Newbie Syndrome.

Two weeks ago, I met a Newbie on Ashley Madison. He definitely was a playa in his time but supposedly the affair game was new to him. He's smooth in his talk and very sexual yet respective.... we talked, exchanged pix and we liked each other. I find I don't get caught in that hot dazzy eyed desire mod these days. With all going on in my life, I don't get that super hot desire stirring with a new frog like I used to.

So how have I turned into a man? Last week I was busy with work. Very busy and I was probably unable to respond to some of his text messages (in crisis at work, and with the Blackberry now, I sometimes read and forget to respond). Anyway, the next day he sent me a "I see you aren't interested anymore. It's fine...Take Care". I started to laugh. So that is what that text sounds like on this end of the text. I will never send another closure text like that again. It just made me... roll my eyes and giggle. And so I called him and started teasing him about being oversensitive and a newbie and I fixed the little wounded boys ego.

I guess its also in my prioritizing these days. I haven't been going out of my way to meet anyone. At this time, I am in a funky place. Finding a connection is not top priority at this time. I am looking for ME, stability within and HOT SEX. That's it....I don't have time for emotions right now. I new full blown affair with all the hot aspects is not what I need. Probably why I have returned to some of my comfort zones (the old frogs). So I am debating whether to meet any of the new frogs on my plate. There are three who email with potential. And in that aspect, I am lucky to be a woman on Ashley Madison. Because being a woman, I can just go to the site and within hours have new frogs for the pond.

The taste of hot sex is truly the devil at work. Once your body experiences such passion, desire and lust....it craves it. Its a yearning that cannot be ignored, it keeps calling you for fulfillment. The taste of the forbidden fruit....oh how sweet and wicked it is. My inner animalistic needs are screaming for fulfillment....the taste of that forbidden pleasure. It's a true addicktion....

Musical Tub Soakings

A long weekend of thinking...this is not so easy. The toughest thing I have done. When I heard this song, I realized...I have been on my own for a long time in this life....An oldie that kind of says it all......I sat in the tub tonight. Yes, I have been soaking a lot...green tea and lavendar has been my aromatherapy and salts of choice these days. And I lie in the tub and think and think and think! So the best way to describe my thoughts were with the songs in the tub.



And then, the song that I yearn for again. That feeling that I felt in the past. That passion and desire.....I strange love song but quite frankly this says it all...I want a Guy with lips like morphine, knock me out and leave me gasping...I've waited for all my life to be here with you tonight! I sang this to someone once, only one person made me feel this way....and I hope to be able to find it again. I'm not talking love here...that's not what it was. I just miss that real great sex and that desire and passion.


And finally, the song that made me burst into tears. Second Chance..yes, that is what I am hoping for....a second chance! So today's emotions are wrapped up in my musical tub soakings. Gotta try and sleep.....Sweet Wet Dreams!!

My Type Of Gal

Mr. P sent me a joke today that made me giggle.....

The surgeon came in to check his patient after her surgery. The patient was a beautiful blonde. The doctor did his post op exam and said "everything looks fine".
The woman says "Doctor when can I resume my normal sex life?"
The surgeon was speechless..
"Oh no. Oh no. What is wrong doctor? Am I going to have problems?"
The surgeon just answered..."No. Everything is fine. I just have never been asked that question after I removed someone's tonsils!!!"

Aaah....so I answered Mr. P. Wow what a lucky guy you are, that would have been my first reaction too!! You know I was thinking, maybe I shouldn't think about plastic surgery in the future, maybe I should be thinking about having my tonsils out. Do you think I can deep throat you even further, that your cock would slip deeper and further down my throat? Hmmm...just something we should think about!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! xoxoxo

hehehehe...I love to make him get a little deviant rise and smile. Hope it worked!