My Life Described In ONE SIMPLE WORD....

Yes, it hit me like a ton of brick today. My life is filled with takers. Except for some close girlfriends...everyone is sucking me dry...so if I was looking for one word to describe it...UNAPPRECIATED would go across the board.

It was as if a lighting bulb went off in my head. At work, I am constantly pushed and pushed and pushed by a client. He reminds me how he has control of other aspects of my business as well and he takes and takes and takes. And the pressure is incredible. and I give and give and give. And quite frankly, I wouldn't mind giving, I enjoy seeing his business thrive. BUT when you feel unappreciated and disrespected....you explode. Happened again to me today....and he knows I am furious. Not sure how this will play out. We will either come to an understanding OR I will be out of a job. Actually 3 jobs..long story.

Then there is the family. Let's leave it as husband is sucking me dry again....taking advantage of me. And even our friends took advantage of me today......the hubby was with our friend today and they were golfing...long story short...they knew his child was sick and they took off. Hmmm..guess who had to run around town today dealing with that?

And then Mr. Porsche...we are not clicking lately. I realized I didn't have help tomorrow and we were suppose to meet. I wanted to meet in the morning...he said he would call me back and let me know. He didn't call. So.....I called at 6:45..basically said...if I don't hear from you by 7PM, I am assuming you don't want to meet tomorrow morning. I had enough. I am not feeling the caring from him lately nor his desire and I certainly won't deal with a mercy fuck....and I am not going to feel like he doesn't want to be with me. So he returned my call at 7:30 and I didn't pick up. Nor do I plan on picking up tomorrow or seeing him. If he misses me, if he wants me...hey, work a little...show some APPRECIATION!!!

A surprise text arrived today. It was Mr. Sensual....we went back and forth and we were joking and getting along and I started to remember why I liked him and thought how I missed him. Okay, I was funny today on text. He said that he never got to get a sample of the gifts I was giving away to clients. Jokingly I said to him..I had your gift, I just never got to give it to you. He asked if it was Lotion? Oh yes, I said....fresh, natural lotion. He returned his remark...oh I love going green! And I said....its the freshest..collected right from the bush....we both started to laugh...he was dying.

And somehow we got to us....and what we had...and when I asked him if our conversation was turning him on...at first he said it was the naked pix on the computer....AND this is when I realized..this is why I didn't want anything more to do with him. It KILLS him to say...that he was hard from texting me..to him, it shows vulnerability.....over and over...thats what I couldn't take about him and now I remember what it was....and I knew I was turning him on...and he missed me BUT I also knew once he made that comment...I was done and I remember why..LOL

Too bad...he was a nice person...just so afraid of letting his wall down...so what if he was turned on? As if it was a sign of weakness.

So it was another stressful day in the World of Cheri..

Did I dream it?

All of a sudden, its as if the hubby said nothing. He gets annoyed when we were out shopping and he was ridiculing our child about a selection on bedroom furniture. That's gay looking and ugly. Hey, its my kids choice...keep your stupid comments to yourself. I brought him there to select what he wanted for his room. And it was his choice...I just looked at the hubby and said...so for your own bed when you move out, you can get the other one. He immediately shut up and started talking under his breath. I proceeded to work with my son to see if we could mix and match and if the colors were the same. They were very close so he chose what he wanted.

I did a lot around the house this weekend. I am outside, trimming the landscape, planting plants while the son and hubby are watching LaCrosse on tv. amazing....Anyway, I am happy with what I got done and scarily...I do worry about doing it all. I still have so much to do and its hard by myself.

Mr. Porsche has been a little distant. I am still not sure...when we are on the phone, things are fine. But we haven't been together in over three weeks. We talk all the time, saw each other for lunch but no afternoon rendezvous'. We are in a weird place right now. He says he wants my help for work but then he says hes afraid that its going to cost too much...he can't afford me. geez, I take that as an insult...I barely charge him anything and I give him everything at cost. Not sure if he meant me or the whole idea of expanding. Anyway, there is friction. I wrote him and asked, he didn't answer. I am sure it will come up again.

Today we spoke.....he had heard a commercial that I did and he was laughing. He was shocked to hear my voice coming through his radio...hahahahha...he can't escape me....didn't mention us meeting, didn't mention anything really although it was a great conversation..he's callling later, I am sure it will come up then.

Went on Ashley Madison again.....just to browse...but I am still not up to the cat and mouse game right now. Two guys on there that I met were SMOKIN. I mean they were certainly every girls dream. However, with my confidence so shot lately, I had decided not to pursue them at this time. They both took it as rejection and ironically they are pursuing me even harder now. As one said...I am never rejected, now I see what it feels like and it sucks. I explained that it wasn't rejection...I was just busy. I guess women are never busy for them...lol

Okay, one last thing.....I am going to be putting a comment approval on the site before a post is allowed to be posted. I love the comments and I encourage them...you guys are a huge support to me. You don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like what I am doing or even support me....BUT I will not be disrespected on my own site. "You get what you deserve comments" from someone who can't even claim an identity....I am not going to stand here and have someone who wishes me harm on my site. You dom't have to agree, you don't have to encourage..you can even disagree with me BUT to hope I fall flat on my face and wish me harm.....nope, I am not entertaining those comments.

So...please continue to comment....there shouldn't be that big of a delay because I have my blackberry. And for the gentleman who commented and didn't think I would get it because he posted on an earlier post...I do get them. And yes, Ashley is not just filled with fuck me and leave me people. Therre are people on there for many different reasons....and filling a void like you explained is exactly why I am there...

xoxoxox ALL....Enjoy the day!!

So Is this The Finale?!

Yesterday was the day from HELL!!! Juggling the kids off from school, a boss who obviously got rejected from his lover last night and a house of chaos makes an insane day. I sick turn occurred yesterday at work...I am training the bosses new girlfriend. Long story but he actually threw a temper tantrum yesterday and well with the stress I was under....I had enough. I was shocked by his behavior and I think it was because he was rejected....long story..Anyway I got home and was in rare form.

My son has taken up sleeping on the couch. A perfect opportunity for the husband to go sleep in his room. I recommended it last night. He wouldn't move. I don't sleep well thinking you are fucking touching me all night...I want you to go sleep in there. I haven't done that in months he proclaimed. Exhausted from my day....I looked at him, I don't care I don't sleep well with you up here thinking that you are molesting me when I am sleeping.

And then he says.....if this isn't going to work, maybe we should get a divorce. Timing is everything and after a day like this and I was already half asleep...I unfortunately could barely carry a conversation at this point. My only answer was FINE....You get a lawyer and I will get one too. I rolled over and literally passed out in a second.

A friend of mine once said that once she knew that she couldn't sleep with her husband anymore..that it was time. And I know it is time. He said it and now its time to move forward. I am petrified...I would be lying if I said any different. Petrified that I am going to not be able to pay the bills, take care of the kids and keep my sanity. Petrified that I will be alone all the time and that he will never take the kids. Petrified that he will walk away and never see them again. HOWEVER, deep in my heart....I know that I want the freedom. I want to smile again, no tension in my home, no worries that there is going to be another lien on the house. It's going to be ugly but I am going to do it. If I let it drop now, its not going to happen.

Ironically, I am alone right now....just like I said I wanted to be when I made my final decision. Mr. Porsche....we are having problems and I am realistic about that relationship. MM is gone and I miss the sex like crazy......

Divorce Attorney called me yesterday. He said he would help me file the papers. So it looks like I am going to actually go threw with it now. I wanted to avoid the ugliness but with my husband being such a deadbeat....there is no way that I am going to be able to avoid it. The house is going to be the fight. Our sons bills.

So tonight, I am going to start putting together a list. The beginning of the week, I am going to start organizing the paperwork that I need. the deed to the house, the titles to the cars. There isn't much to fight over.....the kids are staying with me......he even said today that he didn't want my son......The man walks away FREE basically. I sat and cried today. No one likes to realize they have failed and me working so damn hard...I even failed my children. They need my time and I can't give it to them and keep a roof over their heads and I am an empty shell.

Okay......deep breath...deep, deep breath. Organize the Chaos......Let the games begin.....

How Ironic....

Did you ever notice when it rains it pours...and then of course there is a drought and there is no rain in sight. My love life has become the desert. No it's not the dessert it used to be....it's minus the S which obviously stands for sex, sensuality, stimulation.....LOL

Mr. Porsche is still in my life..but he's busy with work and quite frankly,..I have been feeling a void with us. Oh its that he is so busy...but I feel like we have lost something. As if he knows I am 100% his and he senses that there is no one else so he's been less on his game. If I didn't know better....actually I don't know better but I would think he read the blog. How sick would that be....a world of millions and trillions of websites and my both lovers find my blog. That is absolutely insane.

I honestly haven't been looking for anyone. I hit a mental slump and a physical one as well. With the depression comes the lack of exercise, the lack of exercise comes the depression and the additional pounds. Hence more depression as my suit fits tighter and I have no desire to look for someone feeling totally unsexy. Sex with MM, made me want to be flexible, made me want to try different positions and actually it was like a yoga class. As he said, don't look in the past...it's hard when you miss something that you want back. It's hard when you know you were wrong...don't get me wrong.....I'm not living in the past....I've accepted the break....but I miss him and his touch.

Mr. Porsche said something today that was made to make me feel better but just came out so screwed up.....such a beautiful girl, such a beautiful face....don't waste it.....I was so shocked by his statement that I dom't remember his exact words. It was meant for encouragement but I felt like he wasn't into me anymore. Just poor some salt on the wound.

On a professional basis, I have been having fabulous success. throwing myself into my work BUT its not so fulfilling. Got a blackberry and it has freed up some of my time during the nights now....no longer faced with over 70 messages when I get home. that is good. but honestly, I sit here with a void. When you aren't caught up in the romance, the excitement, the desire.....you have too much time to look at your life. I love that feeling of that romance, the hot sex...the desire, passion....but I can't get myself to start again.

ever watch ground hogs day? or know the Michael finnegan limerick? Poor old Michael finnegan, Begin again....

The spring is here....Day 1.....at the gym. Day 1....cleaned a room... day 1.....spent time for me. Yes, I need to search inside for some happiness. Any recommendations on healing this soul?

Facebook-That crush from High School

I had to giggle just now. Facebook had brought back so many memories for me...but surprisingly I am finding out so many things that I just never realized back then.

I have been IMing with a friend that I had known when I was 8 all the way through high school. He was a nice guy...we used to call him grasshopper because he had a green shirt and pants that he had once worn. LOL name just stuck. He was not popular (how stupid that is now...) but he was a really nice guy. In High School, I never stuck to that Popular and not popular thing. I talked to people because I liked them. My friends were an interesting mix of Honor students and the Bad Boys.

Well now 30 years later, I find out that he had such a crush on me growing up. He never told me just lived with it. I find it so amazing how these guys who had crushes on me are coming out of the woodwork and I was so oblivious to it. He said he didn't have a chance with me so he would rather be my friend. Hmm...how could I be so blind? I guess I just accepted our friendship and never knew the real feelings he had. If I only knew the things I knew today.

I am having a rough day today. And he IM'd. Instead of texting, I said call me. And so he did. We could only talk for a few minutes because I was picking up my son but we did hear each others voices....a smile came to my face. One I needed so badly. And then he said something that shocked the crap out of me.....WOW, this is the first time I am speaking to you ever on the phone. I was taken back by that.... we never spoke in High School? I wish, he said. It was as if today was a special day for him. I giggled. Oh stop it! What I would have done to talk to you on the phone. REALLY? How strange that is....I sooooo never thought of myself as that.

And then the little sadness.....so what has become of me? How I wish I knew that I was so popular back then with the gentleman. And then the thought, what about now.....did I miss the boat again? Has my time come and gone?

Just some quick updates.......Mr. Porsche....I am not contacting him today. I always call on Mondays, I want to see if he gives the effort. On Friday, he didn't seem to want to talk to me...rough week. And well, its looking like he feels the same today. I know he's busy but I am puting some space inbetween us.... And I had a weak moment...I was passing Paradise and the flashbacks of MM and I came flowing back...I called the batphone to see if it still was connected. I left a message just saying hi, hope all is well.

And now what? I haven't been sleeping well.....I think I am starting to twirl into a little bit of a depression. Make a move or live like this. I confess...thank God for my children or well, I am so sad right now, who knows what I would do. I wish I could runaway for a little bit but I can't. Something is going to break....not sure what but I can't go on so sad. Life is passing me by as if I am trapped in a life sentence.

Oh to go back to High School knowing what I know now.....sigh

Getting Older? My nipples don't seem to agree

It was a week of soul searching. However, the more I searched the more down in the dumps I became. Every wake up and say.....I am wasting time, I am wasting precious time. Live each day to the fillest. I should be doing just that AND I am not. Do you? I mean realistically...of course, I could go wild everyday and ignore my work, kids, house etc. BUT that is not the smart move. But do you find that you live your life to the fullest each and every day?

Kind of upset me that I am wasting time. That I am stuck in a way. Wanting to move forward yet I can't. Can't because of fear. Fear that my plate is already so fill, can I actually do even more. And on the other side, I fear that my life is just passing me by. That the time of my great smile and sexy ways will be gone. Miss my boat for fun and hot sex. Although when Mystery Man and I were at Paradise, there had been this older couple meeting there...in their 70's. I remember teasing him..is that going to be us? Will I be searching Ashley Madison at 70? Where is all this coming from....I think I am officially pre-menopausal. Without the gory details, my period won't go away (something that has certainly put a damper on my love life lately).

Today, I am going to be home alone. I need to contemplate what my moves are going to be. Ironically, having gotten the Blackberry or Crackberry as some friends have called it, has given me both the freedom to be on the road but also is making me a slave to my emails. I have been trying to blog from the road but it is not going through..I set it up so I can BUT its not working...damn Blackberry.

So now....I need to work on getting the most of my day. I also need to find a lover. I hate the looking process with the highs and disappointments but I also miss the highs. I miss the lover...flashbacks can be cruel and torturous at times. Ironically, my fantasies are not of things I haven't done but of things I have and miss doing. One hot fuck is what I need to get me back on track. One wild afternoon of pure lustful sex. No attachments, no emotions...I just really want an old fashion, mind blowing oh wow sex! Time to look online for a non emotional fling. A man without a brain is what I think I need. A man that I wouldn't be attracted to mentally but purely physically. A nice hot cock that I can use as a lollipop....mmmmm....yessssss...exactly what I need. My nipples seem to agree as well....
Enjoy your day!

It's the Little Things that get you the better sex

It's the little things that make the difference in everything in life. It's usually those small things that mean the world to you. Sadly, Mother's Day was not acknowledged at my house. I didn't expect the husband (and glad he didn't) to run out and buy me something. But it would have been nice for him to make sure that the one child who can say Happy Mother's Day would have said it. It didn't work out that way. Until I mentioned it, it wasn't even acknowledged. Days like this I wonder why I feel bad at all about wanting to get out of this marriage.

Well my point was more, Mr. Porsche. He knows the situation at home here. Although he basically thought my husband was shit for not making sure that the day was even acknowledged considering all that I do around here. Well, he sent me an email and a link on Mother's Day....a simple thing like this that really made my day and actually made me cry that he cared enough to remember.

Yes, it is the little things that someone does that makes a difference. Oh you can bet that this link truly will have a great payoff for him..in one great screw of his life! Okay, he would have gotten it anyway...but this link......came to me when I needed it most....I am very lucky to have him in my life!

Click here... and you should send it to the special mother's that you know...trust me...they will definitely appreciate it....!!

The Observation Of Ashley Madison Comment

What a surprised observation from an Anonymous regarding Ashley Madison. Once again I have to say that I think it depends on the person. People are looking for different things...I don't think that all men are looking for one thing and all women are looking for another.

I have to say that I was surprised that women send emails of their pussies and them having sex with other men to be a common occurence on the Ashley site. I am sure there may be some that do however the four women I know on there (and myself as well) has never EVER sent a pix of my muffin through Ashley. And, the picture of my muffin has only been sent to Mystery Man. My tit has gotten exposure on the internet with the jewelry on the blog but I had never sent that either to a man I just met on Ashley.

As for the comments on chat. I spend a lot of time chatting with a man before I agree to meet him. I guess it depends what you are looking for. If its pure sex...then why chat to get to know each other. But mental stimulation is soo important to me and quite frankly I get to know the person. I find it more mentally stimulating at this point to hear about a person and their life and desires than to sit there and have cybersex. don't get me wrong, I used to love to have cyber but now, I feel if the person doesn't know you....it might as well be a computer on the other end responding with just what you want to hear.

I would like to say...as for the no response. Realistically, women receive a lot of messages and if they responded to each one...they would need a personal sexretary...my advice is to not take each convo so seriously or each no response to heart...its not a personal thing. And remember, you are looking for some kind of connection whether it be pure lust or a combination of lust and friendship. So if that one wasn't the one....move on....there are many woman on Ashley Madison...you just have to find the one (or ones) that connect with you.

As for your credits...hmmm...an auction on ebay maybe? Or feel free to donate it to me and I will do a fun contest and give them away or give it another shot.....

Do you believe......

I love the sunshine, the warmth, the beautiful day....I swear that I should lived in a warm client my whole life. It energizes me and makes me smile...ironically, I was born in a warm state (I wonder if that has anything to do with my desire to live in warmth).

I was browsing the internet and went into the horoscopes and then the Feng Shui section. Most people are either totally closed to it (its bullshit) or a part of them believes...I am a believer....far from a diehard but I do believe....My horoscope today:

You're facing a big choice, but it's not that hard, really -- only one possibility really feels right to you. That's not to say that it's going to be easy once you've made the call, but at least you're certain

Wow, did that sum up the turmoil or what?

I moved into the next section...Feng Shui...I don't know if I ever told you this story....
For years, this bright red robin would come to my house....sit on my deck..I would call it my robin..everyone knew how I loved that robin. One day, my son was in the back yard with his friend...pitching and playing catch and the damn robin flew in their path and they killed it. I came home and everyone was scared to death to tell me about the dead robin. I was sooooo upset. We actually buried him...poor thing...he was sooo beautiful...I had never seen a bird so red.

Well recently there has been a new bird....oh his red isn't as close to the last bird but he does have a red breast. And he has been coming by for a while now...

I read the Feng Shui section today....that red birds are there to bring you luck...that its a sign...so I am thrilled that a somewhat red bird is back...but the fact that he is only a little red...does that mean I only get a little luck?

Happy Mother's Day! And men...Treat your mom, your wife especially wonderful today!! Hey, did you read the What are you worth salaries? A job position as a mother with all that they do should pay between $100,000-$160,000 a year. So spend the bucks today and make them feel special (look how much a year you will be saving for such a small investment).

An attempt at technology

I am determined....determined to fall in love with my Blackberry. Yes, a finally got one but it is truly a love/hate relationship here. I'm working it and hoping I can find the benefit of its value as so many others who use it. So, any tips out there? Any great apps?!

I am in a much better mood today. Happy Mother's Day to all you moms out there!!

It's late...heading to bed...sweet dreams.....Mmmmmm......funny how you can have sex and just get hornier....wish there was some relief but not tonight...I must suffer with my mind wandering on flashbacks....I do love flashbacks...

A Delicious Delight of Sex

I have come to the conclusion, as I have before, having an affair absolutely keeps me sane and actually makes my life at home tolerable. Yes, those times when I am down in the dumps, miserable and wanting just to crawl into bed....my lover manages to pull me up and balance my world (as best that it can be balanced).

I cancelled on Mr. Porsche yesterday and today I was considering to cancel again. It had nothing to do with him...it was all me. Yes, I felt like I was turning asexual. I was beyond depression today...I just wanted to crawl into my bed. Mr. Porsche called and I told him...you aren't going to want to see me today....I am in a really bad mood, very sad....His response, I don't care, I want to see you. Maybe I can make you smile and escape for a little.

I dragged myself into the shower and threw on sweats and one of his company t-shirts. Began to drive and he called...so tell me about the day. We actually drove from my driveway to the motel talking on the phone. I got there first, got the room and lied on the bed. No, today I wasn't waiting for him naked and maturbating...I was just relaxing on the bed....he came in and started to massage my shoulders and kissed my neck...relax baby and tell me whats up...

As he was massaging my shoulders and I was just telling him how I wanted to escape...he kissed my neck and then started to make those lip farts on my neck which gave me the giggles and he held me down and just kept doing it until I couldn't breathe. It actually felt so good to laugh...I finally escaped to find his cock waiting for me....I couldn't resist....nothing is better than laughter and he made me smile...I grabbed his cock and started sucking....not the best blow job since my entire mouth has had dental work and it is aching but it was still pretty good...he didn't seem to complain. He threw me down and started to play with my clit and nibble on my nipples....I love these nipples....he kept saying over and over as he went from one to the other giving fair attention to both.

Our kisses were sweet today and he looked me in the face, smiled and just grabbed a rubber. His cock was super hard...now here's the thing about Mr. Porsche...when his cock is hard..it has length and amazing girth....and today, it was at its prime...there are times it hurts as he thrusts deep inside me...today, he was able to do me in many different positions. Once again, I am not sure if he reads the blog but fucking me was no problem today....we did it many times, over and over and over again...

Oh, I forgot to mention that I masturbated first until I came...and to my surprise...it took no time for me to cum. I think it was the fact that the room we had, we could hear the couple next door moaning. The woman was really screaming...it was wild and funny too...could they hear me?! Oh I am not a real loud moaner, I was wondering how loud she was moaning in order that I heard her so clear. Did they hear me as he thrusted in me and I said Oh GOD! And let out a sigh..actually my loudest scream today was when Mr. Porsche took ice water and spilled it down my back. I wonder if the people next door thought that was me screaming in ecstasy.

Anyway, it was hot today....from behind with my leg in the air, from behind and then...he whispers in my ear...you want it in your ass don't you? Today my body was very tense..and this is where trust comes in....and we slowly...I mean slowly had anal. I like anal....so tight.....so sensitive...and I seem to orgasm easier. And the fact that its such a dirty thing that good girls don't do, made it even hotter.

We collapsed on the bed and I said...let's do it missionary....a treat..something unusual....we laughed. And we did..he went in me slowly and then faster and slower and then he lied inside of me staring at me....You are so beautiful...and that made me smile. It was the sweetest thing someone could say to me just at that time. We finished up with a blow and hand job that he actually squirted all on my face...well, he tried....the cum was going all over the place...my face, my nose, my hair...I just giggled...10 squirts all over me.....we both just laughed. It was cuddle time and his phone rang like crazy...he had to go..

Hey...we were suppose to do work too. Now I began to pout. I don't feel like he takes me seriously when it comes to work. I had spent so many hours working on a project for him and a quarterly analysis and he was just taking off.....I had decide today that if he didn't do work...I was finished with that part of our relationship. Not in a bad way, just that I like the sex, I like the sexual part much more and that I am tired of getting frustrated with him. Its not about me and him but about the work that we fight. So I told him, i have your work here and you can have your staff do it. "Are you quitting?"....."YUP" "no you aren't. Its a package deal, you aren't quitting.....sex and work go hand in hand....sorry I do not accept your resignation". "No, I really don't want to work with you anymore, I like the sexual part so much more and I can't think of a price so let's not do it". "Nope, I need you....I really need you". Continuing our discussion in the shower, we begin to bicker...but that's the thing about us, its never really bad bickering.

The whole drive home, we talked and I told him that he needs to either take my advice or move on. I was tired of doing things and he was too much of a control freak to let other people do it. I was getting frustrated....he believes in a snail pace, I work differently. I go into companies, examine the weak links and solve them. I don't make friends that way...but thats not my job. I try to change as little as possible but I need the end result to be constructive. He needs to let me come in and make these definite changes that he is not doing. So we ended on a professionally friction note but I was still feeling great from our sexual encounter. What a strange relationship we have.....at the end...he said to me...Open up your side compartment of your bag. I did and he had put a check in there. I didn't even see him do it.

So all I could think about was how I need a good sexual rendezvous once in awhile to balance me. It makes me more content to do work, to deal with my family dysfunction with my life. No, it doesn't solve or make the problems go away...but it certainly makes my day.....so in conclusion....an affair can make your married life better!!

Hitting a Wall....

No doubt, I have been in a real funky place. No desire to check Ashley Madison, no desire to write back to frogs....I am in a real slump. A think its a combination of the work mounting up and feeling....it's probably time. Spoke with Mr. Divorce Attorney...amazing how we have been friends for so many years and except for two little trysts, that was it. He keeps pursuing me at least every other week. Now I know he can't be my lawyer...ethical thing "I can't want to fuck my client". "The day your hot mouth touched my lips and then my cock...I couldn't represent you". I didn't know they had that in the lawyers' manual of ethics....lol

He did agree to help me fill out the required papers until I get my shit together and decide who my lawyer is going to be. Quite frankly, if the hubby can't afford a lawyer then what happens? I retain one for $8,000 and then what?

Last night, he was screaming and carrying on like a lunatic about something with my son. My help is threatening to leave because of the way he carries on and she thinks he even scares my other children with the screaming.

I know I am in a real funk because I cancelled on Mr. Porsche today. Oh I rescheduled for tomorrow but its not definite but today, I just want to crawl back into bed and stay in my dreams.

I got a Blackberry yesterday! Actually adding to my chaos. I have no fucking idea how to work the damn thing. And with all the emails coming in, my son put some chime on....crap...this thing is driving me insane.....ding, ding, ding....every damm second....for work, I got already 58 emails...imagine how crazy the sounds were driving me. I complained to Porsche that I couldn't stand it....sweetheart that he is, he called his son and he told me how to shut off the dinging...LOL He's good like that....always looking out to take care of me....

So, thanks for all your concerns...I am alive...just stuck in a funk. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.....xoxoxo