Too Perfect For Me

It's very rare that I come across someone who I feel is too perfect for me and that I pass on because I feel he is out of my league. George Clooney, is out of my league. Bur everyday people, I usually don't feel that way. I am a smart, pretty woman and men are usually attracted to the whole package. Granted my body is an issue for me...but I did have three kids. And I admit it, I am not a model.


Well two weeks ago, I started emailing back and forth this Hottie that quite frankly I had clicked on his picture for some eye candy. His body was perfect, he looked like a model and I just wanted that wow. you know, a guy opens up Playboy....well I get my cheap thrills by a hottie....so, we start emailing. He is smart and handsome. He is smart, handsome and witty. Hmmm....he must have a small cock...lol


I started talking again with him last night and then today we IM'd. He never asked for a pix and today I asked him why. He said, since I am married, he wanted to wait until I felt the time was right. Very sweet. So sent a pix. And he thought i was very attractive....good start but he is stunning....


He must sound like a girl or something.. I asked him for his number....he hesitated and I said chicken....and he gave me his number. We spoke for an hour. Wow, he was sexy sounding too....okay, he must have a tiny cock. There is nothing else wrong with this guy. I guess for my own security (or to satisfy my insecurities) I was looking for some fault. So, I got on the subject of size. Well, he said he's been called an Italian Loaf. Oh sure....don't all men think they have a big cock. So I tease him....are you sure they didn't mean an Italian cannoli or a croissant...


You don't believe me? No, I don't. Okay, I am sending you a pix. I started to laugh...oh come on....how do i know it is you....oh I will send one with a pix so you will know. I had been on the phone with a client when the picture came through. For the first time in my life, I was speechless, my mind went blank and I lost all my thought patterns. OMG....this guy was huge. I mean huge. Even with camera angles...you can tell this baby was a monster. I was dripping...pulsating...this man was dangerous.


I told my best friend from elementary school about him. We lost our friendship over the years and refound each other again this past year. Damn, I missed her. Well tonight, we were howling, I can't even remember the last time that I laughed so hard. Tears rolling down my face, no breath available. When was the last time you laughed so hard that your stomach hurt? Tonight was that night for me..... she asked me...so when are you meeting him? And I thought...I'm not. what do you mean you are not? Nah, I am not.


And then she went into game show mode........Behind Door #1 is Mr. gorgeous, big cock, muscles, six pack, professional hottie........Door #2......a married near suicidal Mystery Man who treats you like shit or Door #3....a can of Spam.... I'll take Door #2, Monty!!! Well I was howling....tears rolling down my face. And ever since we were kids, we would go off on tangents...and so she did. Turning my lust for Mystery Man and my stupidity not to meet this man into a comedy routine. And at the end, she said....get your ass to the gym tomorrow so you can fuck him in two weeks. We both died laughing.


So why was this hottie, as he put it intrigued by me? Because I didn't take his shit. I know how to play the game and its the chase that he wants and so he will get it. Oh, how this is a dangerous one. I can feel myself falling. And now I know why I should practice what I preach...stick to the married men on Ashley Madison


Well here is a pic of his cock. Have you seen this floating around the internet? If you can identify it, please let me know.....lol So would you say an Italian Loaf or a cannoli? And to think he has no idea his cock is on display for hundreds of people to see today...but you have to admit, it is a fine specimen.....can you see why my insides are wet? I have to admit, it is a little intimidating...

However, I did notice when I was downloading this that I could change its appearance very easily to a cannoli....lol

Single Rock Star Knows How To Make My Body Sing

Wow...oh wow....

Before I left, I made plans to see Single Rock Star. I know, my first day back but you know I wanted to see Mr. Porsche toward the end of the week. I was hesitating to go. I was going to his apartment and you know what that means. I didn't know if I was ready. I mean he doesn't like to talk sex over the phone, I didn't know what he was into, I wasn't sure exactly how I felt. And I was nervous...very nervous. But I decided to go. It was that or he would have been gone since he has been waiting for me patiently for three weeks. AND, I felt that my feelings for Mr. Porsche are getting a little too strong..I need two men in my life for a realistic balance.

So I drove to his apartment. Very nice apartment and I felt very comfortable. We lit all these candles and just hung out on his bed talking. And then we kissed. And we kissed for a really long time and it was nice. I mean a real long makeout only session, I haven't done that since I was a kid. What I really liked about him was he didn't push it at all. It was totally at my pace, he let me get comfortable and decide where it was going. A smart move.....if he would have pushed, I might have retreated. But the fact that he was letting me call the shots, definitely put me at ease.

It was different with him. I was like a little girl in a way. It was more like dating then being with a married man. I never really knew there was a difference but there is. Anyway, things began to progress. My hands began to wander.....and to my surprise, he wasn't wearing underwear just lounging pants. I giggled. guess I won't be finding out if you wear boxers or briefs? His skin was as smooth as a baby....his body totally hairless (almost)....it felt so nice....and then I placed my hand on his cock. Oh my....oh my...oh my.....there was a lot of girth there as well as length. He carressed my body and it felt so good.....his hands gently rubbing my arm and shoulder...yes, I began to undress a little more......left in my bra and panties (matching black lace of course).

A girl never really knows if she is good at giving a blow job. Oh I have been told that I am good but you wonder will each man think you have talents? It certainly is a subjective area. OR maybe when it comes to sucking cock..its not so subjective. Note: Every man moans when you deep throat them. There is a certain part of your throat, if you go that little extra, it automatically causes a moan. And with Single Rock Star, he was no exception. I truly enjoyed sucking his cock and making him moan. So soft, no hair at all.....it was smooth......and very inviting. I spent quite a lot of time getting to know "IT'. You know me, I love to have fun in bed. so I asked him..... "does he have a name?" "No, I never names it." aaaahh, does it have any special likes or dislikes....It loves to be sucked on and carressed. aaaaaahh..... and then I turned to his cock and said "You never knew it but you do have a name...your name is IT'...
well he was dying laughing and of course I play it...so nice to meet you Mr. IT.

As single as this guy is and as many women as he has had....I don't know that he has experienced a woman who has found herself. Oh he has had sex with many but my extra wetness...my pulsations when I orgasmed...shocked him. He loved the fact that he could feel me orgasm and my insides pulsate. I guess he ever felt that around his cock before. And he was good at eating me. My oh my...I came and I came hard. There was no doubt about it, this guy knew how to work my body.

We did numerous positions with his favorite being me at the end of the bed with my legs in the air as well as me slightly on my side.....now here's a first. His cock was so damn big that I was able to ride it with absolutely no problem. Grinding him, going up and down and IT stayed in the whole time...then I reversed and rode him backwards...

When we fucked it was hard....he pounded deep inside of me and I was moaning big time. After coming a few times, I couldn't take it anymore. My legs were shaking, my insides were sore, this man had the equipment to fuck the shit out of me. He was relentless.....its very rare that I feel I can't take it anymore but after 3 hours....I was getting sore...

Only downfall of the day, he didn't cum. To me that meant he wasn't attracted enough to me. He said (which he had said before) that sometimes his dick will get numb and with condoms, it was really hard to cum but that it felt amazing. Hmm....I hope that is true.

And then after, we laid in his bed. It was like being in college...such a different feel then being in a hotel. It was homey, it was nice. And we actually both enjoyed being entwined and talking. We were giggling...because as he was eating me out, I was just about to cum and Barry Manilow came on the radio.....I kept picturing him singing on his microphone as if he was in the room. As he was eating me out and I was sooooo there....I began to giggle to death. You have to get Barry Manilow off the radio. We both were dying. And he had to begin again...yes, Barry dried me out.

So just lying there knowing that the front desk was not going to call that our time was up but I had to just decide when the time to leave was. I didn't want to leave...I could have fallen asleep in his arms as he carressed me. I could get used to that.

We kissed good by. I called after to thank him for a lovely afternoon. And now we will see if he calls. I wae s so self conscious.....I hate when a man has a perfect body and six pack.....makes me feel insecure. And he had a perfect body...the triangle, big cock and six pack. Damn..he was in great shape.

Any downfalls? Not to yesterday....it was really nice and I am so glad that I went. Personality wise, we aren't exactly a perfect match (or maybe he is shy or more laid back and very honest about things or a matter a factly way) but I am not marrying the guy.

Funny story...I spoke with Mr. Porsche after (no I didn't tell him). He was talking to me about an employee whose lip curls when he lies. So I said, what do you do when you lie. I haven't figured it out yet. Oh, because I haven't lied to you, there is no reason to. Oh wait, I did (my heart stopped for a second)....I am married.....I started to laugh.

Vegas and home

Vegas was great and I didn't even get laid. Truthfully, I have never been a big one night stander. I need to feel a connection with someone. So just the fact that I know that I could have had all these men was enough for me. You know that look and attention a man gives you....as a woman you know when you can get them into bed. For me, that was enough of a triumph for my ego.

Upsetting to me was that I cried when it was time to come home. Not because I wanted to stay in Vegas, I just didn't want to return home to the BS. The last night was ruined by my husband and son going against my wishes and him buying a new phone. Putting me into another 2 year contract....sounds trivial but just another example of my life. Ironically, Mandy told me also that my husband and her husband thought I was away with my boyfriend. I WISH!!! lol

As for Mr. Porsche....with Mystery Man gone, my feelings for him are growing even more. He's picked up some of that void.....one example....I was nervous about over sleeping for my presentation. Mr. Porsche was scheduled to be in a meeting during the time that I needed to get up. The sweetheart stopped his meeting and made a wake up call to me. To me, that was like was more touching and meant more to me than any materialistic thing that he could buy me (except of course if he gave me his convertible vette...lol...kidding)

So I am back......the company's I work for are struggling financially now and well guess who is getting pressured to make things happen?! So I am working like a dog....

This is a double post though....I met with Single Rock Star yesterday.....oooooooooooooooooo
Let's just say, he earned his own blog entry!

The Sexy Man at the Roulette Table

So.. ...here I am. And quite frankly, I like the way my days and nights are here. Pretty scary that I love the freedom. I love being able to do whatever I want...in a strange way....its unsettling too. It is a little strange and lonely walking around for a week by yourself, not having anyone to eat with, not having anyone to make a plan for what to do that night...however, when I decide to do something here at night.....and I arrive, I make my friends. I have no problem talking to people, conversing with woman and men and flirting with really hot men. I have had fun each night...but it takes some balls to just go out and take the town on by yourself.


Two nights ago, I hung out at the blackjack table. I select tables based upon the men I think are cute and I will enjoy flirting with. And while I lose my shirt in the money area, I have enjoyed the hunt, the flirting, the desire, the conquer.....I haven't needed the actual sex...although I am dying of horniness...but Vegas is a scary place....I was never a big one night stander...I am afraid of disease and getting hurt (physically)..if I got in an uncomfortable situation.....I have no one to help me here. I don't want to end up dead in a hotel room. So, my sex level is sky high...I can feel my sexuality radiating from my body and (embarrassing to say) I can smell my horniness, I am so damn wet. My relief has been masturbation....lying in this beautiful bed, I have climaxed once to twice a day....wishing Mr. Porsche was here with me.


So far, I have gotten a manager to give me a private cabana for the afternoon with free drinks at the pool.....I have gotten comped for lunches, men offered to buy me dinner and I have been bought numerous drinks just hanging at the bar. I am lovin the attention.


Last night, I sat at the roulette table....me and 6 men. The entertainment....was flirting with them all. Yes, I admit it,I loved as I leaned over to place my chips, they all stopped and watched my tits....I loved that they all waited for me to place my bets and then they ravaged the roulette table....I was treated like the Princess of the roulette table last night. Three men at the other side of the table...would place my chips for me....one next to me even placed some bets for me and then the Greek God came to the table and stood next to me. Oh, unfortunately, he knew he was hot....not an easy conquer. I caught him looking at me, but he wouldn't acknowledge and would look away. He wasn't as friendly as the rest, he wasn't going to play into the catering to me and that made me want him...flashes of us fucking went through my head...I couldn't look into his eyes....I did ask him some questions about the game but I was like a little girl with him...shy and a little reserve...tring to read if there was any attraction on his part. We chatted but he wasn't like the rest..the rest, I could have brought to my room......


His friends were flirting with me more...when he moved to the other side of the table, our eyes did meet.....and we looked away...he obviously felt it too. I noticed when our eyes met, he would start twistin his wedding band but it was not to show me, it was being done inconspicously. I took that as a sign that I was getting to him jus a little bit. At the table, I imagined his longer hair (not really too long but wavy and hot) and me and him fucking....damn, I could feel myself blushing. He has left and returned and his spot next to me was taken by a flirty cute guy but he was a BSer. You could see he was a womanizer and traveler. It was the god across the table that I wanted....with every chip placement, I made sure he would see down my shirt....and he looked...and he blushed...what was he thinking?

The night continued and our eyes would meet and we both would turn away quickly. A definite attraction, you could feel it. A spot opened next to me and he walked around. I touched his hand leaning over the table and I apologized....he smiled and then offered to be my chip placer. I guess that is equivalent to a knight in shining armor at the roulette table. We smiled, we flirted and we touched. When I hit it on the number, I was jumping up and down and we hi fived but when our eyes met, we both just stopped. Oh there is no doubt what we both were thinking. But then again, a few seconds later, I saw him under the table twist his ring.

So, my decision was....the flirting was great. But here is a man who is trying to be faithful and I am not going to tempt him. It was different. I am not out to seduce married men. The men that I have been with or flirted with are already in the affair game or have decided they do want to cross the line and have an affair. I realized now that I have never seduced a man who was a faithful husband and we just were at the right place at the right time. I do not see the benefit of pulling that man over the line....there are plenty of men who are over the line already.

I learned something new about myself this trip that I had never thought about. I do respect the vows of marriage and devotion. I wish I had that love and I am happy for people that do. So I guess I am not the succubus that Mystery Man thinks of me as (although for him, I guess I was). Silence on the MM front. Not a word since we were together. My heart tells me its over. That was our final good by. But I am okay with that. Not happy but not in torment. I know where he is this time and for some reason the fact that I could find him again gives me peace. No, I am not showing up at his door (I haven't even driven by yet). I would never jeopardize his family life. But just knowing his location in life....made me feel much better.

Viva La Vegas!

So here I am and having a ball!! I realized it's not whether you can get laid in Vegas...its more the fun of figuring out how many men you could get into bed.

Hold your seats....I have slept with no one....why? I am having way too much fun flirting with men.....my oh my.....dinner with one, roulette with another, blackjack with another.....another giving me chips to stay and flirt with him at the table..

I am too tired to write details..my eyes are closing....I haven't slept in two days...I will update you tomorrow..but just know...I am having soooo much fun....Night!
xoxoxo

What happens in Vegas....is BLOGGED!!

Well I am off....and of course the old saying what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas....not for me. I hope that I have something fun to report...

If I have no internet access...then I will not be back until the weekend. If I do, I will definitely be blogging...you are my friends....and my diary.

So....I was cruising a dating site and as I was signing off, I saw this man. He was gorgeous....almost too gorgeous. Well you know me, I gotta call them as I see them. So I dropped him a note and tell him what a breath of fresh air he was....gorgeous and intellectual....well we will see, he wrote back within 15 minutes and we have been conversing since. Strangely, he didn't even ask for a pix. But damn, he is the type of guy that I get wet just from thinking about him. We are talking, model material. And, a brain too...oh my...a dream. hahaha

He knows I am married and he says I must have my reasons....oh man, he may be one hell of a ride......Mystery Man who? Only teasing...not a day goes by that I don't think about him in a good way of course.
Okay, off to packing....I did pack my vibrator just in case. I mean, who knows if its quiet, I will need it...

Orgasm, Orgasm, Orgasm...Three for the Road

Aaahhhhh......today I was a stressball. So much so that I had a severe anxiety attack. I thought I was going to have to cancel on Mr. Porsche. Usually I get uptight, but not like this....I was really in overload here. I decided to go there and even if he just held me, that would be enough for me (and he's the type who would understand if I just couldn't have sex).


Well we got to the room and he looked at me and came over and held me. He could see that I was a stressball. the anxiety must have been on my face. He kissed me and held me and then tickled me and kissed me some more. He knows how to make me smile and he did just that.


Can we talk business first? I need to get all this crap off of my head. And I threw the work on the bed.. I can only talk to you if you are topless he said. Oh man, he knows how I don't like to mix business and pleasure....take your top and bra off.....and so I stripped and went over business while I was sucking his cock and my nipples were hard. Talk about a multi-tasking business meeting. Between licking his balls and going down on his cock, deep throating him till I almost gagged...discussing his work I did for him. for some reason, he didn't seem to mind that I had fucked up on one item.....lol

He is determined to take me out ,of my comfort zone. But quite frankly, the stress I was under, I couldn't cum. It was as if there was a block, a wall as I was getting close. But he worked and worked until I was able to cum. It took my new favorite toy....lots of nipple playing and sucking and the butt plug.....to get me to cum. He worked me for 45 minutes....I was getting frustrated that I couldn't get there. He fucked me from behind, from the front....we did everything....and I was having a hard time getting over that spot. And then it got worse, he said for a girl who had been so damn horny for two weeks...what happened here. And my mind went to Mystery Man. A flash of guilt flashed over me and dried me up even more.

Oh but he worked me and worked me good....and when I finally did cum, it was like a river exploding....he took me out of the zone....my body was finally free....his cock thrusted in me just as I was cumming...it was so damn hot. And then the moment of calm that comes over me, he usually lets me rest till I get a little energy but this time he grabbed me by the hair and made me ride him.....it was hot because I was like drunk, filled with that light headed orgasm feeling....and then he flipped me over and started smacking my ass and HARD....I was screaming for him to stop, it was hurting....finally he made me say, tell me you love being my slut.....I held back and he smacked me even harder....I finally gave in.... I love being your slut!

Oh I am not so submissive...at one point I bit his chin, and smacked his ass. Which his eyes bugged out of his head and I started laughing so hard. I am a bad girl...in so many ways. There is always that little part of me that rebels.

In total, I came three times. The last time was wild with butt plug deep inside of me and then his cock. When his cock went in, I could feel my body start to pulsate...I was so anal today....oh he made me tell him that I was his little slut. he even wants me to give a stranger a blowjob while I am away....I wonder what he would think if he knew about MM?

And then it was time to make him cum.....and boy did he cum....he loves when I go down on him till I almost gag, play with his balls and have my finger on his prostate. It blows his mind how I am able to get him to squirt 5-6 times.....the orgasm is something he says he has never experienced...I take that as such a compliment...all he does is smile and says wow...and giggles. Well, we all know I have a crazy side to me....so I had a hat made up with his company logo on it...and I told him that I was his mascot...so as I was blowing him, I had the hat on.....I made him laugh so hard. Laughter to me is the best medicine. When life is getting you down, nothing is more exciting and fun...and memorable than when you are laughing. So me wearing that hat was really making him crack up. Then we got into talking about peeing.....somehow we got into pee talk and he said if you don't stop I am going to make you hold my cock as I pee.... "that sounds like fun...come on....." he didn't expect me to say that...and I jumped up with his hat on and began squirting it around the toilet....he was amused....and I was laughing....I tried to drip it, know that last shake, but everytime I did it, more pee came out. I couldn't get the last shake... silly ridiculous but so much fun.

He is so affectionate with his kisses...he truly made me happy today. Even gave me a massage and money for my trip. The only thing that I forgot to mention that is bothering me.....THREE TIMES I SCREAMED MM's name out during the height of the moment. Thank God his name sounds like My God.....so I could get away with it. I've never done that before...why now? And then my mind starting freaking because that's not even his real name....how fucked up is that?
I was very disturbed that in a full year I never made that mistake and today....3 times at the orgasm point....wow, I do need to get away..

and the other men...there are too many right now. I am going to have to stay off of Ashley Madison for awhile. Single Rock Star and New Mr,. Government are keeping me busy....I am not going to flirt with anymore.

Oh how I love sex!!!!!!!!!

Five Dead Husbands...Hmm....

While it certainly isn't funny that this woman has five dead husbands but you have to wonder, a couple of things.

First, this woman got five men to marry her (and I worry?!!?)

Second, didn't someone think that five dead husbands is kind of a red flag?!

Third, I can't help but think husband 4 and 5 should have seen it coming....

She hasn't been convicted of killing any of them yet (although she was looking for someone to kill one of them and soon after he was found dead with bullets in him).

Quite frankly, look at her face. She doesn't look like a happy woman. Maybe she nagged them to death. I think her son (or one of her husbands...I lost interest) committed suicide. I am thinking she didn't actually kill them but nagged each one to death....

Let It Rock!!

Things have calmed down slightly. Tomorrow is an afternoon with Mr. Porsche. the New Mr. Federal Government (I am working my way up to the federal level now)...is pursuing heavily. Mr., Single Rock Star has stepped up to the plate and surprised me and called me two times today because he was thinking about me. Mr, Uncircumsized and Mr. Divorce Attorney also called today. so my day was filled with frogs....lots of them. And there was one frog I didn't hear from....BUT I can't expect miracles.

I am sending him a note tonight.....with the song that I want to fuck him to this song......I don't know why but when you blast this....it is so damn hot!! mmmmm...I am getting horny...LOL

Yes, I am off to Vegas....Ooooooooo.....I can't wait...sitting at the blackjack table, looking for the hottest man there.....yes, I am going to score!!! lol

The Cloud 9 Euphoria is now a Black Cloud

Did you ever think something or write it and say..I hope I am not jinxing myself. My last two posts I felt so good. Felt the world was coming together. And as I was writing it, I was saying Oh Please, let life continue this way.

Well, well, well. I should know better. That euphoric happiness just crumbled...within a day. Damn I am pissed. Projects were falling apart left and right yesterday (and of course its Mr. Porsche's work.....how sucky is that. I am not telling him and eating the cost of some of it)...nothing is worse than looking incompetent especially to a lover.

The presentation I put together....posted the wrong one online for all to see.......makes me look like an idiot (for perfection, I submitted one that certain graphics were reversed so if it printed out, it would look better......idiot!!) And then my son has been lying to me about school. He is failing. I am so upset that he lied to me. Not a good situation.

And sexually, not a word from MM. Mr. Porsche is busy and the new single rock star...is a little standoff ish. I am used to someone persuing me. He claims that he doesn't call because of my married situation. I don't believe that. I think there is different rules for single people....proper etiquette for dating and quite frankly I don't know the rules.

With a married man, we talk sex, lust, what we want, our desires. The cards are on the table. Oh we talk about the weather and life but with single men, its different. It is in a way boring..lol

A new married officer has popped into the picture. He's cute and pursuing me big time. He's turning me on tremendously. Aaah......another Mr Government. Special Investigations is such a turn on.....he's very sexual, he's very into everything.....I am very turned on by our conversations..

Okay, so have you guessed it? The cloud 9 euphoria is gone and I spent the day crying. I am going to focus on work the rest of the week until I am off on business. I hope to be able to blog from there.....with super juicy stories.....yes, I am on the hunt. Watch out Vegas, I am coming to town!!

Single Rock Star

Single Rock Star is guy who I thought was a womanizer. Never married, in a band and his profile said exactly what a woman likes to hear. His profile pulled me in. Saying how he is tired of eating chinese alone and how he's not looking for a barbie doll. He cares about chemistry but its the inner soul that counts as well. Gotta be an attraction, but gotta be more.

We joked back and forth and he basically had said it was up to me. With me being married, I was in the drivers seat. Okay, we talked a lot during the week. And I decided to meet him for coffee yesterday. Really test him and take him shopping first at the local bedding store where I had an errand to do. MM would have never did such a thing (most men wouldn't) but since we were going to meet half way.....and I had to make a return at this store that was half way...and I didn't know of a restaurant place around there...I basically said...meet me there. Ironically, that is MM's town. Single Rock Star recommended it.....and I said screw it. Its a big town (I didn't run into him).

Anyway, we met in the store and we went comforter shopping. He needed a comforter too so we had fun picking one out for his bed. That's one thing about me. If I connect with someone, it doesn't matter where we are or what we are doing--it can be fun. And so we went through the store......not soft enough, not warm enough, not manly enough....lay down on this sample...and if we were in it together? Hey, it is our first meeting but if there is a chance I do get to touch this comforter and nap with it...I want to make sure its comfortable..lol We picked out the same type but different colors....(how romantic! Lol)

We then walked across the street to the bookstore and grabbed a cup of coffee. I wasn't sure if he was into me. Was he laid back or being polite? We started talkking about other people we have met online and some meetings. And I asked him if it doesn't work out, what do you say. He says he says it right there. Face to face. If you know you aren't going to want to see the person again, you have to be honest. Oh my. Is this my blow off? We walked around the store and found two seats in the back and we talked. He wanted to know more about my life and I asked him about his. Still not sure. We were friendly, but I wasn't sure if the sparks were flying. I was physically attracted to him just not sure if we were connecting mentally. As friends we were. As more, I am not sure.

It was time to start to leave. I had to get home. It was nice. Before we got up, he looked at me and said...I would like to see you again, if you want to see me. Wow. I felt relieved and I did want to see him again. Except I am so knew to this single thing. He wants me to come over to his apartment and we know what that means. I am like a school girl. Not sure I am ready for that step. I say, that I will try to see him this week. I inform him that I am not single, nor do I know the proper etiquette of time lapse in calls or other crap like that. I call when I am thinking about you.....and he said he liked that. We kissed on the lips good by. Twice. As a joke, I called from the car as we were both pulling out. We both laughed....

Last night, I was thinking about him. He wanted to see me today. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready to jump into bed with him just yet. He said that was fine. If I needed a lunch, we would lunch. but then we started to talk for over an hour. And it was from the heart. Although he seems sexually regressed. I ask him what he likes or talked about his favorite position and he shyed away from the conversation. Interesting? I felt a little dirty....And then he called me back and we talked some more. And, he told me what he was looking for. He is tired of being alone. And I told him, I can't offer you that. And honestly, if I do become single, I am not going to run to live with someone again. And I don't think I will ever marry (oh my, I sound like a man. Oh boy, I was shocked but its true. I really want to be free....at least for awhile). He said he understood that, that he knew that when we met. He liked my independence...he liked my strength but mostly he loved my attitude for life. He even offered to take a day off next week so we can spend time together.

So after talking to him today. I went from not sure to deciding, I want to be with him. I like him, I like his ways. He's not what I want long term, but right now, he is perfect.

Driving on the road today, the music blasting, I felt amazing. The light at the end of the tunnel is glowing strongly.....I am more than just content....I am fucking happy. Yes, it can all tumble in a second but for right now, today......financially things are not where I want, but heading in the right direction (oh please, I hope so)..... my marriage...well its not stopping me and thankfully he is leaving me alone and not doing anything detrimental or stupid right this minute. The house is calm.... And as far as my life. I am living it as if I were single right now. I am involved with three wonderful men, each fulfilling a part of me to make me totally happy. I am flirting with a bunch of other men...which I have to stop now because as I am writing this I got 4-5 different instant messages from men (wow, the surgeon, the uncircumsized guy, the divorce attorney who is furious with me, this other guy I don't remember and this other guy who flirted with me last week).

So I am feeling sexy and desirable....even got an email from Mr. Porsche saying he's annoyed because he had the date written down for our 1 year and he didn't look at his calendar. How damn sweet is that. Happy 1 year baby! xoxoxo Was what he wrote....

Okay off to my tub...to soak and enjoy this night. Yes, its so much better to soak when I am happy then with tears.

Telling Someone There's No Chemistry

I don't know how to do it without feeling bad. What is the best way to tell someone, it's just not a match? I like people. I like men and I don't like hurting someone because I don't like getting hurt. But the reality, I am not looking to sleep with 10 men at a time (and someone I am not attracted to).

For a woman, it's overwhelming these online sites. You go on and men are emailing, IMing, you end up after 2 hours having spoken to 3 men and answered email from another 6. I know you are saying...poor women.....but it is confusing. There is always the thought that the next one may be the perfect one. And if you ignore his IM, he might get away.

I met Single Rock Star (we will call him that because he is a guitar player as well as a career. But he plays in a band on weekends). I will get into our meeting in my next post (it deserves an exclusive!!) Anyway, I asked him what was the best way to tell a guy and he said...be honest. So I did that....a guy was not really attractive to me. No hair on his head and too much on his face. That's just me. I like goatees but his guy had a funky moustache and overgrown beard. Anyway, I told him it was nothing personal, I didn't see us together. And he wrote me back and reamed me. Geez.....

Another guy, I emailed back and forth. He was nice, we had some chemistry and I was physically attracted to his pix. However, there were a couple of things that didn't do it for me. First, he weight in at 145 lbs. Well here's the thing...I can't be with a man that is the same weight as me. It makes me feel like an elephant. So, I would not be sexually comfortable in that situation. BUT, I felt I would be open..its my hang up....he says he likes women who are curvy not boards. then there is the uncircumsized thing. I don't know what to do with a cock that hasn't been circumsized. Is the blow job the same? I admit it. I have never been with an uncircumsized cock. I've seen pix...but I love wrapping my tongue around the head...I love the head of a cock...so this threw me a little. And then, the final...I spoke to him. He had a heavy accent. None of these alone would probably throw me but all three....I am not feeling it. So, I told him tonight that I had a thing with the weight (which is probably the biggest for me). Well, he begged and told me that he never felt such chemistry. He begged me to meet him, please give him a chance. Crap.....I am not good at this.

so what is the best way to say its not going to work? I have left distance between emails. I have not answered two emails. I am still trying to lose the other Single Guy (who BTW, lost his job) and the garbage man. I am probably being too nice but I don't like to hurt people. I am obviously doing something wrong.

A Strange Day

Today I looked good. A cute little lace white top, my sexy heels and a cute jacket. I felt good and I couldn't get a man to see me...lol Mr. Porsche and I were suppose to meet up (possibly three times today) and none worked out. With my schedule, I have flexibility so I was attempting to work my day around him. At one point we were about 4minutes away and he said I don't have time now. It's not exactly what he said..(except I traveled 20 minutes to get there) it was how he barked it at me. I guess I knew it wasn't at me but the stress he was under and the frustration not being able to meet me--but he did bark at me. I really just wanted to make his day...I wanted him to pull off the highway, I would jump out and kiss him and we would go our separate ways. A kiss if care and support. I felt like an ass. So now I said "Fine, I don't even want to kiss you." And I hung up.


I am tired of trying to be nice...I was furious with my self. I am not going to talk to him to next week. Fuck him....fuck his attitude. And I drove really annoyed. He waited, he waited 15 minutes (knowing I might calm down a little by then. Yes I did). normally I wouldn't pick up but let it go to the machine. I thought about it but decided to pick up. And on the other side was Wow...you picked up. You usually don't pick up (I had to laugh, he knows me so well)....And he started to apologize.

Now this is what I really love about him. He admits when he is wrong and not only does he apologize but he says why he is apologize. He doesn't do a blanket "I am sorry". He targets on exactly why he knows I am upset. I am sorry for blowing up at you. You were truly going out of your way and I appreciate it when you do that. I was under a lot of pressure today but I really wanted to see you. Don't be mad baby.....I know I was wrong. What more could I ask for? That's the thing about me. If someone acknowledges that they hurt my feelings and truly feel bad about it....I drop it. Although he does know that I am not going to go out of my way this week. That he is going to have to do some compromising of his own. I will bend, but not completely backwards.

We spoke a little more. He is a truly good person. I do care about him. It's one year for us... so I sent him the original note I sent him a year ago....our first email...and I wrote...you made me smile that very first day and I have been smiling ever since. Thank you for a wonderful year!

I'm behind on my posts......I met single guy yesterday. More to come.....

The gentleman who commented have a good point. And it amazes me how just from my blog posts you can feel my mood. Feel my contentment. Yes, I am content. Yes, I am happy. I have Mr. Porsche who fulfills me in so many ways. But he doesn't go into the emotion section. He's a pussycat in his own way but he's a toughee. Type A controlling all the way. I do soften him and he has admitted that it does surprise him how he cares about me.

Mystery Man......its that part of me that was void....that he fulfills. That making love part feels so goood. that soft, sweet, gentle sex that we had...the connection that I long for. He does give me that. So having him back in my life (even if it was for a day)...fills my heart and voids.

The new man. Seems to pick up where MM stops. He is the newness, the future potential. He is very nice, respectful...I like him. I don't think he's the womanizer that I thought he was but we will see.

So....right this moment....I am definitely content. Emotionally, physically and mentally. And it certainly helps that my career seems to be getting on track. I put a proposal that would make me an additional $26,000 next year. And a new potential client and then this big convention --I have opportunity. So if I can close all that up.....financially I will be securer. Something that would certainly make me more content and help out so badly. Make those horrible anxiety nights lessen. I know money doesn't buy happiness. But when you are in financial trouble, it lcertainly can worsen your frame of mind and cause inner turmoil. And mostly, I am proud of myself. If I can pull this off.....yes, I did it myself.

So Cheri is a happy, overworked but inner peace is so damn wonderful. And when a day starts to slip...I have my flashbacks of MM going deep inside of me and Mr. Porsche whispering in my ear as he goes deep inside me....or looking up to seeing MM's smiling face as I am sucking his cock......Umm...I think you get it. Damn, now I am horny.....lol

Balance with Three Men

Well the whirlwind in my head as stopped. And surprisingly what is left is calm and balance. Knowing who Mystery Man is, changes nothing except I feel calmer inside. If he's gone, he's gone and there is nothing I can do. The anger has passed, the betrayal that I felt. All I had was his first name and that wasn't it. I am worried about the Linked In but I can't do anything about it. It is what it is.

So why did I need to know who he was? Especially since I don't plan on doing anything with it. I am not sure if it was to make him real, a connection in my head or if it was just a control thing. Having his name has put him in a place in the universe. Before it was as if he only appearred in Paradise. As if he was the devil who came in and vanished into the air. Then of course there is the control issue. He has been controlling this relationship since day one. Nothing will change except for the fact that now I have a control in my head. Who know, I feel better. And now that the dust has passed, I do hope he will be back again. I so enjoy our times together.

So am I addicted to sex? Actually MM asked me that...I lied and said...well I would have shriveled up and died since I haven't seen you (I seemed to have left out Mr. Porsche..lol). And then today, Mr. Porsche and I were talking. He went to a strip club last night. I don't understand the concept. He took a client out and said he didn't enjoy it. He did have a massage and he bought the client a lap dance. I love busting his chops. He gets a kick out of my spunk--I think because I am so tough in day to day and he has such control in the bedroom. The more I challenge him in day to day life....the hotter our sex is in the bedroom. I don't remember the context but we were talking about swallowing cum (most talk about the weather, we talk about swallowing). He said I was your first...I said if you want to believe that...and laughed. And what was that laugh, he said. Somehow the convo went to others....he always says he wouldn't be jealous... well, I was testing you he said. I thought it doesn't matter if I am with someone else? As long as you are happy, I don't care...was his answer. IT was that laugh, he said. Oh no..I must have given a giggle....like I have a secret. He suspects now...that's ok

And then there is a new guy. I am not sure if I told you about him. We spoke the other night online and then I spoke to him for an hour on the phone. He said we will take it as slow as I need to. He was the suave talking man....the suave talking single man I think I told you about. the one who wrote EXACTLY what a girl wanted to hear.......not being alone anymore etc. etc. Well oh well, he is turning into a real pleasant surprise....we spoke again today for 2 hours. I like him. He's funny, he's interesting and we seem to enjoy each other. He's not cocky at all. He's actually very independent and sweet. He has never been married so he doesn't need a woman....he's content single. He's fine with my situation and he actually gets it....concerned with when I can meet. Asking about my life. I enjoyed our conversation. And the undertone has been beginning to get a little sexual tone.

It's up to me. when do you want to meet? It's going to have to be next week. He's like ok. So we will see.

Three men.....am I a sexaholic or am I just trying so hard to fulfill my life and make it happy. Three men....another woman would be in heaven. I am in a good place...but I think I am wishing I was single and loving life.

Mystery Man and I Escape to Paradise

Today was an insane day. I don't even know where to begin. It's as if my whole world was tilted. Ever have one of those days where you are emotionally drained and mentally confused? Well that's today.

I met Mystery Man at our regular hotel. I walked in and he looked as delicious as usual. A little frail (like stress has been getting to him). His personality not as cocky, he was slightly more mellow but sweet. Looking at me, he had a twinkle and sparkle in his eye. My body wanted him, my mind agreed....it was awkward a little.....there were walls up especially for me. But when he reached out for me.....and took his finger and traced my face and my lips.....our connection, re-connected to a point. He gently kissed me and then he pulled me close...we hugged each other tight....and stood there I just wanted to absorb him into my soul.

The sex was great. We did our usual 12 position....lol. I came and so did he. From behind, with my legs in the air, from the side, off the bed on the bed. And I sucked on his cock like never before.....honestly, when we used to meet, I just knew what to do. There was a little unfamiliarity today....an awkwardness....me trying to remember what he likes. It took awhile but like riding a bicycle...you seem to not forget.

We talked, we laughed and we held each other. I wanted him to open up. He told me that he knew I was there for him, he just couldn't right now. Okay.....I teased him to make him laugh and then we laid in each others arms and held each other. It felt so right....in my baby's arms.

And then.....we gently began to kiss and hold each other and the gentleness and closeness was undescribable. We made love. It was slow, it was hot....our emotions in it, the gentleness...I felt like it was a dream. Our hands entwined as our bodies we too. As he was inside of me, we held onto each other with our bodies together. It has been sooo long since I made love to someone...the emotions were way too intense. I came, he came and then we lied there and held each other.

It was time to go and now...I surprised myself. The anger and tears I felt were even a surprise to me. I just looked at him and said "is this good by? are you going to disappear a gain?" It was the wrong thing to say...and I had wished I didn't say it but I did. The look on his face "this is the way I am...I can't promise you anything". Well thats not the answer I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that I don't ask anything from you. I only know your first name, I only ask that I have the security that we will see each other again. That I can have my Cloud 9 for a day. I backed off a little. But it was at that moment that i felt, I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don't even have the chance to enjoy what we just had because I am sad that it will never happen again. I need to feel like it is it. And that makes me sad and angry that he can't give just a little. we kissed good by.....it was good but a little strained. I held him like I would never hold him again...and I walked out. I couldn't go home. I sat in Starbucks and thought. Time with him is truly paradise. The sex today was something everyone should experience. And I deserve to be made love to like that....it felt so good.

And just when I thought I was emotionally spent. I get home to my email. you see yesterday I thought it was over. I said I wanted closure. So I decided, if I knew who he was....then I would be able to close the book and move on. Having his name, where he lived would give me peace of mind. So, I did something terrible. I went online and had his license plate traced. There was an email when I got home, I figured the search would come up nothing...that it was a scam. I opened it up and the information was there. I now know where he lives and his name. Okay, here's the thing that is blowing my mind.....for over 1 1/2 years I have been having an affair with a man that I thought his name was one thing and truth his....that's his middle name. So in the moment of passion when I scream out his name...its not his real name but his middle name. Can you fucking believe this?!?!?!?!? I feel like such a fool. I did a google and in the heat of the moment I screwed up and went to his Linked In page. Idiot...I didn't realize I was signed in. It took me right to his page AND it is going to show my name and that I found him. I am in trouble....

But I am shocked tonight. His career is what he says. I kind of knew where he lived. Whatever else he told me was true...he hardly told me nothing anyway. I feel like a fool. Well the shit hit the fan because even though I hid my profile on Linked in, I will still show up as viewing his profile. In addition, his name....the one I say as I am orgasming....is not his name. I am having a hard time with that. But the sex today....I have never felt so amazing....feel so connected...feel so good. Oh man....what do I do? I am going into the bath....have a good cry. I can't even talk to my family..I am in shock.

Mystery Man Emails and Calls

It's as if he knows when I have given up. When he's just about to lose me. When I decided this weekend that I have to make my own closure. When I have begun to hate him.....he emails me.

"Ribbit. Call me now. 2:30, Paradise. Don't blow it. or then again blow it and make it all sticky and wet"

Now, we all know that I should have emailed back--- Fuck you! But I couldn't. I called. He sounded amazing but I could feel my guard was up. He's going through some shit now..didn't go into details but he hinted. I'm not playing with a full deck, he said.

My response, well either am I but maybe I have the cards you need to complete it.....

Aahh...I am off. I am doing what I shouldn't do....meet him!

Addicted To Men

I admit it. I am addicted to flirting with men online. I knew this was going to happen. I had accepted that Mystery Man is gone. The emptiness inside is deep. Kind of feels like an empty pit. You see, he gave me that flirting that interaction that Mr. Porsche doesn't. I miss that back and forth sexual emails. So I had to go out and find some new frogs...in search once again for Mr. Married Prince Charming.

However, I over did it. I have been flirting with so many men the past few days, I can't even keep them straight. I know that is bad. I am going to stop to sort them out. I mean there are two men with the same name. And quite frankly, these men don't want to just flirt and see if it goes anywhere....they want to meet. So I have three men who want to meet me this week. I have to confess, I love when I send a man my picture and he says WOW and today that happened three times. My ego is bruised having lost MM. I am not feeling attractive so I feel alittle better when a guy sees my pix and says I am beautiful or hot or have a sexy smile. If only I could believe it.

There is this one single guy who I have been flirting with all weekend. He seems like a gentleman and we talked on the phone earlier. I like him and he's good looking. Not sure where it is going to go....or what. But he seems like a nice guy and he really wants to meet me. He is a gentleman though and I like that. On your terms, at your speed. Nice words....

Did I tell you I was heading out of town in a few weeks for business? I am soooo psyched. I was asked to present at a big conference. Yeah, you must be laughing because you don't know that side of me....lol I am actually a professional and pretty good at what I do. They asked one person in my specialty from around the country and it was me! I am hoping this opportunity will open up some doors for me financially. I am feeling really good about this. I feel like this is going to be my big break.......wish me luck!

Okay, off to bed...sweet wet dreams!! Have a great week...xoxo

What not to do on the dating sites!

I have been working hard but as I said, I am beginning to be pulled in with this online flirting again. Damn, it's so addicting. I love to browse the pix (yes, surprisingly, on the singles sites the married men put their picture....now that is weird).

Anyway, I have been browsing and looking at all the hotties. As you know, I find it easy to communicate with people.... I got the gab...lol But I have to tell you, these single sites are very different from the married ones. I like Ashley Madison much better.

The impression I get is these guys have been lead on and are tired of building up any connection. Now I understand that to a point but when you start barking out after an email or two...dude, you need to relax. The truth is, each woman is different. Just because 10 have been idiots, doesn't mean the 11th is. Aren't you just looking for a few good eggs (or even one?)

Well tonight I met this guy. 38 years old, a hottie (I admit) and we were doing great conversing for a few back and forth emails. Then he told me about all the women who were losers, two he was attracted to but never got to a second session with them. I'm not here to date...did you notice I said session? Okay, let me be brutally honest. I am not looking to get married. Send me a pix, I mean you are older than me and I am a great catch! I am one phony away from shutting off my profile....

Can you say balls? Now you have to know that I was laughing and an asshole like this, I don't need in my life. So I basically wrote back a nice note but filled with digs (which I am sure he didn't like)....

" Baby doll, you have to learn to relax a little....I mean you haven't even sessioned before....lol"

"If you noticed, I am married darling, got a husband and don't want another one...now or in the future"

"My age? Sweetie, I have met men younger than you and older than you. had a long affair with someone your young age for over a year."

And darlin, I am an independent, successful woman who doesn't NEED a man but WANTS the right man to share time with. Mature, sophisticated and one that can handle that I am not a child but an independent equal in life and in the bedroom....

I think I scared him...I wrote if you can handle a friendship with a REAL catch then email me and I'll send a pix. hehehehe

Sadly, most of the men are bitter on there. If you aren't interested, let me know right away so I don't waste my time emailing you....oh that is roinmantic and really makes me want to be with you. I mean one guy, I signed on and read his email and then had to finish work. 10 minutes later, he emailed me with a vicious note....WOOOOOO!!

I have been going back and forth with four other guys. Nothing hot yet, the Single womanizer is heating up a little. And just when I thought Mr. Howard Stern Single Guy was gone..he has been calling to meet me and emailing.

So many men, so little time. And if I were single......I wouldn't have any...lol

So Cheri's advice....relax....don't jump down a girls throat and leave your past psycho baggage at the email door.....

Sweet dreams baby!

Passing the Time, Flirting Online

Yes, I am back on the married but looking dating sites. It pulls you in. It gives you a little glimmer in your heart. Nothing is like flirting and having fun. First you start looking, then you meet someone, start flirting and POOF....your back in the game!

I met a bunch of interesting characters (and a few potentials). But here are two unique approaches, one I recommend, one I don't!

I'm a hot looking, single man who just wants to find a woman who I care about. Yes, he goes on to list all the things that he is tired of and wants to share (bringing out the motherly side of a woman...awww, I want to make this hottie feel better. Pretty good, a woman's guard goes down. She now has a mission, not realizing he's pulling her in). Then he proceeds to say how we all aren't perfect, we try our best to keep in shape but its okay if we aren't barbie dolls--its the inner person that counts (wow, he is really gooood. Every woman over 30 knows her imperfection. Now he's got ya)...

He has 23 woman who have listed him on their favorites list (come on, how lonely is he!?!). I had to test the waters. Told him he was a hottie but I was married so I didn't fit his description. Aah, the player answered. That it's okay if I am married....we all need to burn those calories, why not do it together. Saying how its no fun doing it alone....he can't be celibate forever. LOL!! Can you say An Excellent, Smooth Talking PLAYA!!!! LOL I read the note and will give him a day or two to chill before I answer. Of course I teased him in my last note......damn, a shark....you could eat a sweet little guppy like me for a snack (hehehehe.....have you ever thought of me as a guppy?!). His response..... he would make me a meal...okay, I am enjoying out flirtations...

And then, a supposed doctor in another state. He was good looking, I added him to favorites. His first email, I should live adventurous...he had a convention in Puerto Rico in November--I should join him. He would pay for my flight and accomodations. Oh, okay. First, you've never seen me or talked to me but you want to take me away? Are there woman that stupid out there? Sure, I don't know you, never spoke with you....let's have coffee in Puerto Rico. I was blown away from this man. He's either a desperate, naive man or a serial killer. I do not recommend this approach...LOL

Mr. Porsche has been sick...poor baby. Mr. Howard Stern Single Guy wrote to me. I was kind of hoping that he would forget about me. He didn't, wants to see me again.

So I am back online....loving the mental masturbation and stimulation! A few more men I did find but no one that WOWed me. I miss MM. But truth is, the anger is starting to come and that's good. The anger will begin to heal my heart. The walls are going up....the depression will leave with the tears. I sulked enough, I need to accept and move on. I have been avoiding the reality..I don't have time for a MM meltdown right now.