Talking to as many as 6 guys regularly and I have gotten laid once in the last six weeks. I would think that six would be enough to get laid, don't you? I admit that I have been staying off of Ashley Madison until my marital situation was done. I do miss the browsing and the searching for hotties. That special one to make me go wild!
Against all better judgment, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut regularly. He actually has been entertaining and supportive. His funny sense of humor cracks me up. I actually love that I can IM him in the middle of the night and he will roll over and answer me even if he is sleeping. Actually, its fun to wake him and make him all hot and hard. Last night, I texted him and asked him if his cock was hard? Was he thinking of me and if I were there, I would reach over while he was sleeping and spoon him and grab for his cock. Until I could entice him to wake up and roll over to have wild sex with me. I knew he was half asleep, he texted me back....you are so fucking hot!! Even in my sleep, you can take my limp cock and make it stand to erection. Mmmmmm, I can't wait to do you!
Oh promises, promises. LOL
Throughout my life when I broke up with a boyfriend, I went on a materialistic spending spree. A divorce? My oh my, what the hell would fulfill my needs to pacify me? the last boyfriend, i had bought a car. Well this time, I hope the spree is over. I went to my favorite place...this little area in the city where you can get knock offs of all the designer bags, sunglasses and jewelry at ridiculous prices. Now there are the regular things they sell and then there are the back rooms and hidden draws. How I love to find the back doors. lol Actually, they take a look at me and they somehow know I am backdoor material. Aaah....and boy did I do some Gucci, Coach and Tiffany & Co damage this weekend.
And then there are the changes I am doing to the house. knocking down a wall, new floors, couches, deck, a media room. Thankfully that stuff I have been able to figure out sources to pay for it. Don't ask but I promise its legal.
Aaahh..the four post bed. I decided to downsize...A Queen bed. Truth is I have slept on the end for so long that I don't even need a full. So a King would be huge. And quite frankly, if I was going to have someone in my bed....I would want to be close to them and entwined in their body...so the King doesn't seem as necessary. Of course, the 100 lb dog usually takes up the whole bed.
Sex? I am yearning for it really bad this week. I do have a feeling that by the time I am able to get it....it will be that time of the month. what a vicious cycle!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Do You Remember Your First....?
A Reunion with old friends I haven't seen in years. At this dinner, was a special boyfriend. He was not my first boyfriend. That was a boy in Florida. But that was an innocent thing. We kissed, he touched my tits and once went down my pants. This boyfriend was the first boy whose cock I saw. What a sweet romance we had. He was a gentleman, we were inseparable, he was so sweet and he was gorgeous. All the girls wanted him, I loved that time. We hung out with a group of people and these were the people who were at the reunion. How innocent was I? For three months, I didn't realize that a cock came. Poor thing, I would give him a handjob but never go to completion. And I will never forget that first time that he came. I was shocked. Shocked that thing squirted cum all over the place like an exploding volcano. And last night my girlfriend and I joked how after I licked his cock (not really knowing what a blow job was)...I went to her house and we ate Oreos to get the taste out of my mouth.
Yes, this is the girl whose mouth waters now at a nice, juicy, desirable cock! lol So we went out, it was great seeing old friends and catching up. And once my old bf got there, our eyes met and we hugged. So naturally we all fell into place and when dinner came..we sat together. 30 years may have passed, but some things didn't change. The reuinion organizer told us to bring pix if we had them. I didn't have time to get some together and I guess I felt funny showing up with pix of the two of us especially with my pending divorce. I love him as a friend. He's an important memory of my childhood and one that warms my heart. A very funny part was that the menu was written a little small. Some of the people passed around a pair of reading glasses....probably 6 people used the glasses. We started cracking up....yes, 30 years ago we used to say "pass me that joint"..now we are all sitting around the table saying "pass me those reading glasses". lol
As we were ordering, he goes into his wallet and he pulled out two pictures. One of the two of us and one of me. OMG! He kept my picture for 30 years! I never imagined he would keep my picture. How sweet and flattering. My girlfriend was blown away...wow, how romantic and so sweet especially since his wife is not the nicest person. My friend said to him...where have you kept this?! He knew what she was getting at. Its been in an old wallet behind his old library card and photo id. It felt good to know he had as great memories of us as I did.
We ended up going out to a local club. Another friend wanted to get me a drink. I said thanks but by old bf was getting me one. When he came back he said....Damn, you always beat me to the girls and now even to getting her a drink!" We laughed and I hugged them both. Two friends, innocent boyfriend and girlfriend...it was certainly a comfort zone. What a great evening...how special and how wonderful I felt. My two best friends in the world with a table filled of old, special friends at such a good time of my life.
Yes, this is the girl whose mouth waters now at a nice, juicy, desirable cock! lol So we went out, it was great seeing old friends and catching up. And once my old bf got there, our eyes met and we hugged. So naturally we all fell into place and when dinner came..we sat together. 30 years may have passed, but some things didn't change. The reuinion organizer told us to bring pix if we had them. I didn't have time to get some together and I guess I felt funny showing up with pix of the two of us especially with my pending divorce. I love him as a friend. He's an important memory of my childhood and one that warms my heart. A very funny part was that the menu was written a little small. Some of the people passed around a pair of reading glasses....probably 6 people used the glasses. We started cracking up....yes, 30 years ago we used to say "pass me that joint"..now we are all sitting around the table saying "pass me those reading glasses". lol
As we were ordering, he goes into his wallet and he pulled out two pictures. One of the two of us and one of me. OMG! He kept my picture for 30 years! I never imagined he would keep my picture. How sweet and flattering. My girlfriend was blown away...wow, how romantic and so sweet especially since his wife is not the nicest person. My friend said to him...where have you kept this?! He knew what she was getting at. Its been in an old wallet behind his old library card and photo id. It felt good to know he had as great memories of us as I did.
We ended up going out to a local club. Another friend wanted to get me a drink. I said thanks but by old bf was getting me one. When he came back he said....Damn, you always beat me to the girls and now even to getting her a drink!" We laughed and I hugged them both. Two friends, innocent boyfriend and girlfriend...it was certainly a comfort zone. What a great evening...how special and how wonderful I felt. My two best friends in the world with a table filled of old, special friends at such a good time of my life.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
It's Official
Ironically, that is the statement that was on my engagement announcement cards and that is the statement I am saying to officially announce my legal separation. Oh it wasn't easy, he was trying to back out. He almost didn't show up at the mediator. He wanted to read it again, she said no problem we will go page by page and then he said....no forget it, I am probably getting screwed and he signed it. And the house was signed over to me as well. And now....I have tons of bills to pay! lol
But I have to say...I sat there and said now what? Now I can talk on the phone without hiding (although I probably will because of my son). Talking to Mr. porsche today, Mr. Astronaut and to My Friend's setup...I still felt like I had to hide. It's a weird feeling to say...ok, I won't have to hide in a few days. Wild!
I'm nervous, I;m petrified but mostly I am relieved and excited. I am excited to start a new life. I am excited to begin again. I am excited to be independent and free. To me those are the best things that I received. Its an internal freedom but it is a new sense of being. I feel like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders. I feel like a little girl who was stuck in a dark cell and was released, rubbing my eyes trying to adjust to the daylight.
Mr. Porsche called me after he thought about it, teasing me "You know divorce woman are super horny. They can't get enough sex." My response "Wow, do you think I can get more horny than I was before? Can you handle me?" He started laughing...."honestly baby, I don't think I could. When you suck and we fuck, I am exhausted for hours later!" I am glad he is okay with this.
Actually what I am glad to see is that none of the frogs in the pond seemed to be concerned about my new status. It's because they know me. As Mr. Porsche said, I am an independent woman. I did it for me. I respect the frogs, I respect their married life. And the one thing I am very thankful about...is that I had kept it into perspective that it was an affair. I went on Ashley Madison looking for a man to be a friend with fringe benefits. And I am extremely lucky that I did not fall madly in love with a frog.
But I have to say...I sat there and said now what? Now I can talk on the phone without hiding (although I probably will because of my son). Talking to Mr. porsche today, Mr. Astronaut and to My Friend's setup...I still felt like I had to hide. It's a weird feeling to say...ok, I won't have to hide in a few days. Wild!
I'm nervous, I;m petrified but mostly I am relieved and excited. I am excited to start a new life. I am excited to begin again. I am excited to be independent and free. To me those are the best things that I received. Its an internal freedom but it is a new sense of being. I feel like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders. I feel like a little girl who was stuck in a dark cell and was released, rubbing my eyes trying to adjust to the daylight.
Mr. Porsche called me after he thought about it, teasing me "You know divorce woman are super horny. They can't get enough sex." My response "Wow, do you think I can get more horny than I was before? Can you handle me?" He started laughing...."honestly baby, I don't think I could. When you suck and we fuck, I am exhausted for hours later!" I am glad he is okay with this.
Actually what I am glad to see is that none of the frogs in the pond seemed to be concerned about my new status. It's because they know me. As Mr. Porsche said, I am an independent woman. I did it for me. I respect the frogs, I respect their married life. And the one thing I am very thankful about...is that I had kept it into perspective that it was an affair. I went on Ashley Madison looking for a man to be a friend with fringe benefits. And I am extremely lucky that I did not fall madly in love with a frog.
Looking Back
It's so rare that I look back and read my blog. Only when I want to remember a certain date something happened. Ironically my affairs can't make it to the 2 year mark. Mr. Porsche and I are getting there but we are not like we were. So I did what I rarely do--read excerpts of my blog. Wow, two years ago, I had so much passion, desire and yearning. Sadly, its been dulled. I couldn't stand Mr. Porsche because honestly...I lusted for Mystery Man so much. I remember sitting at a table at lunch with Mr. P telling him I didn't want another man, I was happy, content and totally satisfied. Yeah, it was a ticket for a challenge to him. And the opportunity had reared its head when MM disappeared again and Mr. P was there to pick up the pieces.
I read some of my old posts that year about MM and our ups and downs. Funny that the post was about me talking to him about my divorce. Numerous emails and he will not return one. Who knows if he knows about my divorce. As you know, he can pop in here anytime he wants. Pretty shitty MM if you are reading this.....not to respond to one email.
So the papers are ready to be signed. And now, is where the confrontation is going to begin. I am going to go upstairs in a minute and let him know we have to go to sign the papers. No more reviewing the same damn words....now is the time to sign. Hopefully he will just go over there and sign. But I have a feeling that isn't going to happen so I took a Xanax this morning to keep my rage calm. The plan of attack is as follows.
1-Being nice. I am going to explain that he has his apartment, that this is what we wrote up, hasn't changed and what is he waiting for. You can't move out without legalizing everything. Calm voice.
2-If it doesn't work-harder toned. We did the agreement, paid the money, you wanted the divorce, I am going to clear up your credit..you get to start all over. What is the problem.
3-Anger-this is ridiculous. What is your problem....and then its going into threatening tone.
4-I already paid a divorce attorney because you wanted a divorce. the papers are there to serve you with. If you want, they can show up at your work and serve you, you can turn this into a full divorce blow out but do know that you have to pay me back for every cent I have laid out. Abandonment once you work out the door and I will charge you with Aggressive Abusive Contact.
I don't want to go to #4. That is really not my style. I want to be friends with him but he is making this damn difficult.
Last night, I won $75 on a lotto ticket. A scratch off...I never win on those. Maybe my luck is changing. Woo Hoo
wish me luck!!!! And thanks for all your support. To a new life. To a new beginning. To just having fun!!!!! Wooo Hoooooooooooooooo
I read some of my old posts that year about MM and our ups and downs. Funny that the post was about me talking to him about my divorce. Numerous emails and he will not return one. Who knows if he knows about my divorce. As you know, he can pop in here anytime he wants. Pretty shitty MM if you are reading this.....not to respond to one email.
So the papers are ready to be signed. And now, is where the confrontation is going to begin. I am going to go upstairs in a minute and let him know we have to go to sign the papers. No more reviewing the same damn words....now is the time to sign. Hopefully he will just go over there and sign. But I have a feeling that isn't going to happen so I took a Xanax this morning to keep my rage calm. The plan of attack is as follows.
1-Being nice. I am going to explain that he has his apartment, that this is what we wrote up, hasn't changed and what is he waiting for. You can't move out without legalizing everything. Calm voice.
2-If it doesn't work-harder toned. We did the agreement, paid the money, you wanted the divorce, I am going to clear up your credit..you get to start all over. What is the problem.
3-Anger-this is ridiculous. What is your problem....and then its going into threatening tone.
4-I already paid a divorce attorney because you wanted a divorce. the papers are there to serve you with. If you want, they can show up at your work and serve you, you can turn this into a full divorce blow out but do know that you have to pay me back for every cent I have laid out. Abandonment once you work out the door and I will charge you with Aggressive Abusive Contact.
I don't want to go to #4. That is really not my style. I want to be friends with him but he is making this damn difficult.
Last night, I won $75 on a lotto ticket. A scratch off...I never win on those. Maybe my luck is changing. Woo Hoo
wish me luck!!!! And thanks for all your support. To a new life. To a new beginning. To just having fun!!!!! Wooo Hoooooooooooooooo
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
He's Taking the Bed
So there was a huge explosion this morning. He can't afford a bed he claims. He wants my bed. I hate the man. I feel like he is a blood sucking leech. Last night, his cell phone broke. I bought a cell phone. Today, the bed. If I don't get his ass out of here, I won't have a roof soon!
Just called the lawyer, telling her that I need to sign those papers today!!!!!!!That's it. I am done. He can take the damn bed. I am certainly not giving him money for a new one. I am going to scrape together the money and buy a new bed. I am done with this. I will sleep on the floor if I have to. I don't care anymore. I think my head is about to explode!!
There should be a law that once a marriage is over....the people need to live apart. I am really amazed that there aren't more murders during this waiting period. Its a torture chamber.
Just called the lawyer, telling her that I need to sign those papers today!!!!!!!That's it. I am done. He can take the damn bed. I am certainly not giving him money for a new one. I am going to scrape together the money and buy a new bed. I am done with this. I will sleep on the floor if I have to. I don't care anymore. I think my head is about to explode!!
There should be a law that once a marriage is over....the people need to live apart. I am really amazed that there aren't more murders during this waiting period. Its a torture chamber.
Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick
Yes, that is what I keep hearing in my head and my heart. It's like these papers are moving in slow motion. Almost there, a few more changes. Took the next step, almost there....by tomorrow, I am hoping the papers will be signed and then its onto next step...the paperwork for the divorce. Tick, tick, tick....its more of the anticipation. Kind of reminds me of New Years Eve when you are single. The pressure to find a date and have a good time. Make sure you have amazing plans. I hated the pressure of New Years Eve...it really is like any other day but it takes on such a big meaning.
It has been a rough week with work and then Mr. Rockstar. he text me, can we talk. I really like you, I enjoy being with you and can see us hanging together but I am concerned that things would get rough and you would cheat on me too. The cheating is against my moral values. Interesting.....lets analyze this a second.
I believe we had coffee and a dinner. We kissed once. Does that mean we are heading for the alter? WOW, scary!!! I am not even divorced yet and this guy is talking about a one on one exclusive....WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW....i would think a couple of dates before we even see where it is going. and as for the moral values. Screw him. Without knowing the specifics, he is judging me. Nope. Not going to happen. I survived because of the affairs. And I do not have to explain this to a man I met for a total of 5 hours? I basically told him that I am sorry he feels that way, that he shouldn't judge people without knowing details and that I really don't want to discuss it any further. We are obviously not compatable and it is fine. I am glad we met and if I need your services professionally (he's into computers) I will certainly call you. He wasn't willing to let it go. Please lets talk about it in person..I really like you. Okay, so I know the man 5 hours and I am going to sit down and deal with issues already....YUK!! Ching....Move On.
Against all better judgement, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut again. Here's the deal, he has backed off the threesome (says it to just get my goat) and he is more text than he is when on the phone. On the phone, he is wonderful. text, he has gotten better. I think it turns me on that he travels undercover to all these countries. And, I even get turned on that he is under the ssame roof with his wife but she doesn't cook or do his laundry or anything. Its so cute that he says....I am cooking or I am doing laundry now. I don't know why, but something about him, I like.
So I sit here....being an angel. I mean I have been so damn good that it is scary. Just waiting till the papers are signed and the hubby is out. Then my new beginning can begin...Wooo Hoo almost
It has been a rough week with work and then Mr. Rockstar. he text me, can we talk. I really like you, I enjoy being with you and can see us hanging together but I am concerned that things would get rough and you would cheat on me too. The cheating is against my moral values. Interesting.....lets analyze this a second.
I believe we had coffee and a dinner. We kissed once. Does that mean we are heading for the alter? WOW, scary!!! I am not even divorced yet and this guy is talking about a one on one exclusive....WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW....i would think a couple of dates before we even see where it is going. and as for the moral values. Screw him. Without knowing the specifics, he is judging me. Nope. Not going to happen. I survived because of the affairs. And I do not have to explain this to a man I met for a total of 5 hours? I basically told him that I am sorry he feels that way, that he shouldn't judge people without knowing details and that I really don't want to discuss it any further. We are obviously not compatable and it is fine. I am glad we met and if I need your services professionally (he's into computers) I will certainly call you. He wasn't willing to let it go. Please lets talk about it in person..I really like you. Okay, so I know the man 5 hours and I am going to sit down and deal with issues already....YUK!! Ching....Move On.
Against all better judgement, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut again. Here's the deal, he has backed off the threesome (says it to just get my goat) and he is more text than he is when on the phone. On the phone, he is wonderful. text, he has gotten better. I think it turns me on that he travels undercover to all these countries. And, I even get turned on that he is under the ssame roof with his wife but she doesn't cook or do his laundry or anything. Its so cute that he says....I am cooking or I am doing laundry now. I don't know why, but something about him, I like.
So I sit here....being an angel. I mean I have been so damn good that it is scary. Just waiting till the papers are signed and the hubby is out. Then my new beginning can begin...Wooo Hoo almost
Friday, September 18, 2009
My Date With The Single Man
I went out to dinner with Mr. Rockstar tonight. The dinner conversation was pleasant, never a loss of words. Are we a match? Nah. We are very different people and exactly how we are different, I can't put my finger on it. We discussed so many things and he talked like we had a connection....yet, I think I am not physially attracted to him. He's really good looking but something about him isn't doing it for me. He is also not a Type A personality.
This time the joke was instead of a frozen lip....I had an arm that wasn't working well. I had gotten the flu shot and my arm was hurting and sore. When we got to the car, he kissed me goodnight. It was more of a peck....we kissed more intensely but I was a little self conscious about being out in the open and kissing like that. It was nice.
I didn't hear from him today. i left a message at the end of the day and thanked him for dinner last night. But I wouldn't be upset if he didn't call back. So now I am a cross road. you see the discussion about me having an affair came up (I admitted to two). He said that he would question whether he felt someone who had an affair could be in a committed relationship where the road got rocky--would the person cheat again. I felt that I was defending myself in a way. From the age of twelve, I was a boyfriend. I would date one boy and then another. Then I had serious relationships and never cheated on those....then I got married and never cheated for 15 years. Until I mentally walked out of my marriage.
So the question here is....do I tell a guy I am dating about my affairs? My girlfriend (who is married and never cheated) said absolutely not. He didn't give his resume. So when would I admit it? I don't want to lie about it but I don't think its a good idea to confess at the beginning (although I did what I had to do to survive and I don't regret my affairs). so what do you think?
On the home front, I signed the summons paper today to put the divorce into motion. On Monday, We can sign the settlement and the new papers and some of the important papers. Its beginning in motion. I cried today in the lawyers office. I think it was out of exhaustion from a crazy stressful week of work as well as not having the papers signed, clearing up all the liens he had and all the balls I am juggling. I am also doing some fixing up on the house that needs to be done and involves the town. All these legal papers. The lawyer asked, why the tears? Is it because you don't feel you are paying me enough for this? And I laughed. I am doing the right thing, its just very sad how it has to go down. Me accusing him of sexual abandonment....how ironic and probably the first time I felt a tinge of guilt.
Mr. Porsche stepped up to the plate tonight. We had a long talk on wednesday night and he understood that i was feeling like I didn't have my best friend any more. Basically I told him, you worked for a year for me to depend on you. You wanted me to lean on you and then you pulled away when i needed you most. that is why I don't like to depend on men....I always want to be independent. Tonight, when he heard I was feeling guilty he reminded me of all the reasons why i am getting divorced. In his mind, the fact that my husband doesn't care that he should be the one to support the family financially or take on the Mr. Mom roll. that he left me to pick up the pieces, that alone says it all.
how insane that there is nothing as grounds of leaving the partner to take the bag and pull all the weight but if you don't suck or fuck his cock for a year..that's a reason the law will except. so much paperwork to get divorced yet to marry--its one piece of paper. Crazy world we live in. Its like a trap....
So what about telling men about my past. Any thoughts on this?
This time the joke was instead of a frozen lip....I had an arm that wasn't working well. I had gotten the flu shot and my arm was hurting and sore. When we got to the car, he kissed me goodnight. It was more of a peck....we kissed more intensely but I was a little self conscious about being out in the open and kissing like that. It was nice.
I didn't hear from him today. i left a message at the end of the day and thanked him for dinner last night. But I wouldn't be upset if he didn't call back. So now I am a cross road. you see the discussion about me having an affair came up (I admitted to two). He said that he would question whether he felt someone who had an affair could be in a committed relationship where the road got rocky--would the person cheat again. I felt that I was defending myself in a way. From the age of twelve, I was a boyfriend. I would date one boy and then another. Then I had serious relationships and never cheated on those....then I got married and never cheated for 15 years. Until I mentally walked out of my marriage.
So the question here is....do I tell a guy I am dating about my affairs? My girlfriend (who is married and never cheated) said absolutely not. He didn't give his resume. So when would I admit it? I don't want to lie about it but I don't think its a good idea to confess at the beginning (although I did what I had to do to survive and I don't regret my affairs). so what do you think?
On the home front, I signed the summons paper today to put the divorce into motion. On Monday, We can sign the settlement and the new papers and some of the important papers. Its beginning in motion. I cried today in the lawyers office. I think it was out of exhaustion from a crazy stressful week of work as well as not having the papers signed, clearing up all the liens he had and all the balls I am juggling. I am also doing some fixing up on the house that needs to be done and involves the town. All these legal papers. The lawyer asked, why the tears? Is it because you don't feel you are paying me enough for this? And I laughed. I am doing the right thing, its just very sad how it has to go down. Me accusing him of sexual abandonment....how ironic and probably the first time I felt a tinge of guilt.
Mr. Porsche stepped up to the plate tonight. We had a long talk on wednesday night and he understood that i was feeling like I didn't have my best friend any more. Basically I told him, you worked for a year for me to depend on you. You wanted me to lean on you and then you pulled away when i needed you most. that is why I don't like to depend on men....I always want to be independent. Tonight, when he heard I was feeling guilty he reminded me of all the reasons why i am getting divorced. In his mind, the fact that my husband doesn't care that he should be the one to support the family financially or take on the Mr. Mom roll. that he left me to pick up the pieces, that alone says it all.
how insane that there is nothing as grounds of leaving the partner to take the bag and pull all the weight but if you don't suck or fuck his cock for a year..that's a reason the law will except. so much paperwork to get divorced yet to marry--its one piece of paper. Crazy world we live in. Its like a trap....
So what about telling men about my past. Any thoughts on this?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Today Is D Day!
It's here. The day I go to sign the papers. Well he just informed me that he isn't sure he is going to sign them that he wants to review them. I may have to shoot him. He was trying to start an argument with me today. Started discussing visitation with the kids. How he plans on visiting them here!! Keep calm, keep cool. I need to keep my head on straight. this is the final stretch, don't blow it now. The beginning of the end!
I have always discussed that feeling of being in a dark tunnel with no light. A flicker of light became visible about a year ago...the flicker became a vision of a far off exit and now I am at the end of the tunnel and can see the blue skies. But there are still about twenty steps I need to climb. And God, I just pray, that when I get to the top of that ladder and stick my head out that the vision is a beautiful world and I have not been misguided by a blue sky and hell at the surface. Oh please, make this a new beginning filled with joy and happiness.
I spoke to a few divorced woman and all their goals were to find that one special one. Well maybe this is way too new for me but my concentration hasn't been on men. It's been on ME. It's been on a new life for me fillled with fulfillment and simplicity and functionality! My independence, my desire to grow. men are secondary. I am hoping I don't find someone to fall in love with for awhile. I want to enjoy. Do you think that is because I have been having affairs? do you think its because I have had two very special men in my life who made such an impact on me? One who showed me how wonderful sex can be and another who helped me grow so much emotionally. Hmmmm.....
I have always discussed that feeling of being in a dark tunnel with no light. A flicker of light became visible about a year ago...the flicker became a vision of a far off exit and now I am at the end of the tunnel and can see the blue skies. But there are still about twenty steps I need to climb. And God, I just pray, that when I get to the top of that ladder and stick my head out that the vision is a beautiful world and I have not been misguided by a blue sky and hell at the surface. Oh please, make this a new beginning filled with joy and happiness.
I spoke to a few divorced woman and all their goals were to find that one special one. Well maybe this is way too new for me but my concentration hasn't been on men. It's been on ME. It's been on a new life for me fillled with fulfillment and simplicity and functionality! My independence, my desire to grow. men are secondary. I am hoping I don't find someone to fall in love with for awhile. I want to enjoy. Do you think that is because I have been having affairs? do you think its because I have had two very special men in my life who made such an impact on me? One who showed me how wonderful sex can be and another who helped me grow so much emotionally. Hmmmm.....
So today, I am headed to the mediator and an hour later, I am headed to the divorce attorney...and then.....its all up to the court systems. Two more meetings, 10 weeks and I am totally a divorced woman. He leaves here October first. It's going to be torture for the next two weeks. He is taking every avenue to get under my skin. If I don't develop an ulcer or have a mental breakdown before---I think I will survive!!
A Loss of an Amazing Man Patrick Swayze
I am not one of those people who get really upset when a star dies. It's sad, you think about their contributions that made them famous, you feel sad for their family but they were not a personal friend or loved one. I guess the ones that make you feel sad are those that had some kind of impact in your life. So many famous people dying this year. For me, Princess Diana was upsetting, John F. Kennedy Jr., was devastating (I swore I was going to do him in my lifetime) and yesterday, I was really upset to hear of Patrick Swayze dying.
I had such a crush on him. A sensual man, nice man and super sexy man. Hot and also a wonderful man. His relationship with his wife was so amazing. His role in Ghost, melted my heart. That was what I wanted in life. I wanted a man to love me like he loved Demi Moore in Ghost. The scene at the pottery wheel is one of my most favorite scenes in any movie. It was sooooooooo sensual and hot!! Everytime I see it, it does something to me. Reminds me how I would love for a man to be so in love with me.
And Dirty Dancing, we all loved Dirty Dancing. I guess when a star that you truly related to dies, it makes you feel old. It makes you realize that its not just old people dying now...or am I just getting old? Michael Jackson didn't affect me really. Personally, I just felt he had a sad life. Great performer but a little too weird for me. I was actually sad that Farrah Fawcett had to die the same day. She deserved a little more acknowledgement.
Well Patrick Swayze, you were a class act. So sad that you left us so young! But you left your impression on my life--
So now there is one man that I still desire to do....George Clooney. And based upon the girls in his life.....ummmm....it's time to start making a new list!! He always has a super hot gorgeous girl on his arm!
Monday, September 14, 2009
Spinning Round and Round
My brain is basically frozen these days with what seems like a fog. There is a big knot in my stomach as I feel D Day is approaching. My D Day is actually the signing of the separation papers. So many tiny details that have to be carefully orchestrated....Why am I on eggshells?
Financially, I have made a big investment in this divorce. It's definitely draining me. You see, its a strategic planning. The papers aren't signed yet but there are things I need to start negotiating (his messes) in order to free myself. I want to walk away with none of his blemishes on my new life. However, if I negotiate too much of it, he can refuse to sign, I have straightened out his life and I walk away without the house. A lot of pressure here. And, I have to work on my plans for my business and clients. I need to be assured that I get paid for my work more than ever.
As for the hubby, if I don't get an ulcer from him--it will be amazing. It's as if he is trying to get a rise out of me. Not taking out the garbage, not taking care of the kids, just laying like a blob in the house. I have two more weeks of this and I don't know if I am going to be able to take it. Actually, the papers for separation get signed this week. I just have to keep my cool for a couple of more days but I have to say it is getting tougher and tougher to try and be nice. Last night, I locked myself in my room. In fear if I didn't I would explode. Long Term Benefits....Long Term Benefits was all I could say. I mean the man goes around singing songs that relate to lovers breaking up and cruel people. As stupid as it sounds, since I am not a terrible person, he knows he is laying the guilt on me. As stupid as he may be, he's very manipulative in other ways.
And he keeps touching me, knowing that it is annoying me. At least its when I am up. His theory was that we should sleep together one last time. I looked at him like he had three heads. No, I don't think so. He was looking for a good by fuck. Hmmmm.....NOOOOO!! I haven't slept with the man in three years so I would want to do it now why?!?!?! Sadly, the thought of it repulses me. So the combination of his ignore the kids, singing, blobbish attitude and looking to suck me dry---all the confirmations why we need to get divorced. All I keep telling myself..three more weeks and I can start a new life. It's going to be lonely in some ways. I work a lot, am home a lot and while it may not seem like it from my blog....I have been living a life of solitude these past few months. Oh a man here or there but mostly on the phone and emails. Lots of masturbation and phone sex. Basically no sex.
On another note, my lips to MM. thanks for all your great comments. Lip gloss can really shine those baby's up. When I think about wrapping them around MM, my mouth literally waters at the thought and they begin to pucker. Guess its like the knee reaction when the doctor checks your reflexes...lol I have not heard back from him. Not a word in two months. It's really unfair playing ground, if he wants to know about me, he could just come to my blog. What really sucks is that I go to his fake email. He doesn't check it all the time. So I feel like I send it to a black hole. Never knowing if or when he gets it. Maybe he is repulsed at the thought of being with me or having been with me, like I am repulsed at the thought of being with my husband. If I had my choice....I would love to fuck him once a month. Just enough to get my sexual desires fulfilled and that would give him the distance he needs. He's so damn stubborn....lol
Financially, I have made a big investment in this divorce. It's definitely draining me. You see, its a strategic planning. The papers aren't signed yet but there are things I need to start negotiating (his messes) in order to free myself. I want to walk away with none of his blemishes on my new life. However, if I negotiate too much of it, he can refuse to sign, I have straightened out his life and I walk away without the house. A lot of pressure here. And, I have to work on my plans for my business and clients. I need to be assured that I get paid for my work more than ever.
As for the hubby, if I don't get an ulcer from him--it will be amazing. It's as if he is trying to get a rise out of me. Not taking out the garbage, not taking care of the kids, just laying like a blob in the house. I have two more weeks of this and I don't know if I am going to be able to take it. Actually, the papers for separation get signed this week. I just have to keep my cool for a couple of more days but I have to say it is getting tougher and tougher to try and be nice. Last night, I locked myself in my room. In fear if I didn't I would explode. Long Term Benefits....Long Term Benefits was all I could say. I mean the man goes around singing songs that relate to lovers breaking up and cruel people. As stupid as it sounds, since I am not a terrible person, he knows he is laying the guilt on me. As stupid as he may be, he's very manipulative in other ways.
And he keeps touching me, knowing that it is annoying me. At least its when I am up. His theory was that we should sleep together one last time. I looked at him like he had three heads. No, I don't think so. He was looking for a good by fuck. Hmmmm.....NOOOOO!! I haven't slept with the man in three years so I would want to do it now why?!?!?! Sadly, the thought of it repulses me. So the combination of his ignore the kids, singing, blobbish attitude and looking to suck me dry---all the confirmations why we need to get divorced. All I keep telling myself..three more weeks and I can start a new life. It's going to be lonely in some ways. I work a lot, am home a lot and while it may not seem like it from my blog....I have been living a life of solitude these past few months. Oh a man here or there but mostly on the phone and emails. Lots of masturbation and phone sex. Basically no sex.
On another note, my lips to MM. thanks for all your great comments. Lip gloss can really shine those baby's up. When I think about wrapping them around MM, my mouth literally waters at the thought and they begin to pucker. Guess its like the knee reaction when the doctor checks your reflexes...lol I have not heard back from him. Not a word in two months. It's really unfair playing ground, if he wants to know about me, he could just come to my blog. What really sucks is that I go to his fake email. He doesn't check it all the time. So I feel like I send it to a black hole. Never knowing if or when he gets it. Maybe he is repulsed at the thought of being with me or having been with me, like I am repulsed at the thought of being with my husband. If I had my choice....I would love to fuck him once a month. Just enough to get my sexual desires fulfilled and that would give him the distance he needs. He's so damn stubborn....lol
Saturday, September 12, 2009
So What's Up With The Astronaut?!
I agree. He's not what I usually would pick. In fact, he's a dog (sorry Riff Dog..)..he's that bad boy that I used to go after and know that while it would be sexually hot, I should stay away. I also think that I am intrigued by him because he is so afraid of emotion. Yes, the woman who is going to transform him. And then of course, I think he's safe that there is no way I would choose him as a Mr. Prince Charming. Oh, its safe, I am not going to fall for him. And then, the possibility that he challenges me. Honestly, I think he thinks he is all that. that he is going to teach me a trick or two. And then....I blow him away. 
For instance, today during phone sex. I got him so worked up...I was into it, I was into making him cum. It was more of a challenge to me than the actual desire for him. And once I started about what I wanted to do to his cock....licking, sucking and going down deep.....oh baby, I can feeeeellll you so deep inside of me... yeah, he was cumming before he knew it. It was a personal satisfaction of success, of control.
And when I think I can't stand him, he ends up doing or saying something really nice. I admit it. I like when a guy does that damsel in distress thing with me. I guess from so many years of being in charge and taking care of things around here, its nice when someone takes care of me. Even if it is for a silly little thing.....I love the feeling of someone being concerned about me. someone who for one second is not being selfish but giving and I am on the other end to receive.
Today as I was getting dressed, I ended up pulling out the glitter underwear that I had the whole fiasco with MM. And the damn thing is still shedding glitters. what was Victoria Secrets 
thinking. I went to the mirror and began putting my lipstick on....and my mind wandered to MM. So many fun times, I truly miss them. I wondered if I had to do it over, what would I do. I wouldn't have been as descriptive so he would have known it was him. but quite frankly, i now can look back and read the details of my affair that have mostly faded. So i looked in the mirror and I snapped a picture of my lips.....a few actually..and I sent them to MM (here's one). In my whole life, I have never done anything to upset or hurt anyone...it kills me that he found my blog. It kills me that he read each entry. It kills me that he was so upset with me that he left me. And chiming in my head, over and over is our conversation one day.... how he told me if I got divorced he would leave me. My response...Okay, I won't tell you. and we both laughed.
thinking. I went to the mirror and began putting my lipstick on....and my mind wandered to MM. So many fun times, I truly miss them. I wondered if I had to do it over, what would I do. I wouldn't have been as descriptive so he would have known it was him. but quite frankly, i now can look back and read the details of my affair that have mostly faded. So i looked in the mirror and I snapped a picture of my lips.....a few actually..and I sent them to MM (here's one). In my whole life, I have never done anything to upset or hurt anyone...it kills me that he found my blog. It kills me that he read each entry. It kills me that he was so upset with me that he left me. And chiming in my head, over and over is our conversation one day.... how he told me if I got divorced he would leave me. My response...Okay, I won't tell you. and we both laughed.Why do men want to leave if a woman is getting divorced for her own reasons? I guess they are afraid she will get attached. Funny, I am realistic about the frogs. In our own world, it is perfect but I know it is way too complicated for it to be more. Although the thought of hot sex whenever I wanted would be amazing.
the Rockstar called me tonight. i like him. He's part of my new chapter in life. But I gotta tell ya, something about married men. they are sooo different. I am not diggin these single guys...they are all looking for relationships...lol I soooo don't want one now. Actually, I want wild , raw, hot sex for awhile with married men. Just one rule...don't get attached.
My single friends came over today. Three girlfriends. they are younger than me and have such hard times finding a man. they are so guarded. They are so afraid where each relationship will take them. Me? I just wanna have fun. They began to laugh as I was giving them advice.their conclusion, I will be dating more than they have in the past year in one month. If they only knew..
Mr. Astronaut...totally frustrating
Okay, here is a guy I should be totally staying away from. Its the Type A thing and the Government thing that keeps pulling me in. Its his bad boy ways and lure me in. And yet, I know he is a self centered, egotistical , did I say self centered man? Drop everything is his attitude when he texts me. He controls the show and I told you before, that is not what I will allow. I guess its a grandfathered in thing. So if you were a control freak before I came up with the rule, "No man will rule me" then you can get away with more. the grandfathered in rule. But he was after that so except for a few frogs (ahem MM) it aint happening again. I want a man that I can call too. It's not always on his agenda.
Today he called me and we had phone sex. It was okay. Wasn't to die, I've had better but its what I needed....to focus and a release. When we were done, he was like...Wow, you are so hot. I can't stop thinking about our phone sex and when you came....I thought my cock would explode. And to think, I just thought it was okay. Yes, I played with my clit and I was able to cum with no problem.
we've been talking back and forth by text for weeks now. It annoys me to death that he doesn't call but Blackberry messenger's me throughout the nights. So now I am frustrated. Tonight, because I was finishing up my blog, he became a baby and went to sleep when we were going to play again. I also snapped a pix for him tonight. I shouldn't have given it to him. It was a pix of me playing with my clit. You couldn't see much but it was a visual which I will share with you next week.
You see, I think my separation is going to be finalized next week. We sign the papers. And then I am meeting with a divorce attorney and then we are going to proceed with the divorce and then in 12 weeks or less. I am a divorced woman. Wow, it is almost here. The papers are almost signed. I still think he is going to pull bullshit when it comes time so I am laying very low the next few days. Yes, this is what I want and I hope that I can afford it and I hope that I can handle the kids and I hope that I will not be lonely.
So as for a pix of my pussy. Its going to have to wait till next week. I will post it as a celebration of the separation signing. the Cher's Clit Celebration pix....lol You actually would have been proud of me. I accomplished so much this week in so many different ways. I feel great! Taking care of so many things to simplify my life. Wow, I feel invigorated! I feel empowered!
Today he called me and we had phone sex. It was okay. Wasn't to die, I've had better but its what I needed....to focus and a release. When we were done, he was like...Wow, you are so hot. I can't stop thinking about our phone sex and when you came....I thought my cock would explode. And to think, I just thought it was okay. Yes, I played with my clit and I was able to cum with no problem.
we've been talking back and forth by text for weeks now. It annoys me to death that he doesn't call but Blackberry messenger's me throughout the nights. So now I am frustrated. Tonight, because I was finishing up my blog, he became a baby and went to sleep when we were going to play again. I also snapped a pix for him tonight. I shouldn't have given it to him. It was a pix of me playing with my clit. You couldn't see much but it was a visual which I will share with you next week.
You see, I think my separation is going to be finalized next week. We sign the papers. And then I am meeting with a divorce attorney and then we are going to proceed with the divorce and then in 12 weeks or less. I am a divorced woman. Wow, it is almost here. The papers are almost signed. I still think he is going to pull bullshit when it comes time so I am laying very low the next few days. Yes, this is what I want and I hope that I can afford it and I hope that I can handle the kids and I hope that I will not be lonely.
So as for a pix of my pussy. Its going to have to wait till next week. I will post it as a celebration of the separation signing. the Cher's Clit Celebration pix....lol You actually would have been proud of me. I accomplished so much this week in so many different ways. I feel great! Taking care of so many things to simplify my life. Wow, I feel invigorated! I feel empowered!
Meeting The Rockstar
A new potential frog--the Rockstar. My theory on life--I don't go out of my way on a first meeting. And you may say...why? Well, I guess it is a combination of being nervous, a little self conscious and shy....and in the same breath...a little self assured. A weird combination. But hey, if I dress in a hot outfit and put tons of makeup on....well, then that is the girl he is going to expect each time. I meet men in my suit. A business pant suit with high heels, a camisole underneath, makeup but not over kill and some nice, fun jewelry. Why? Because that is what they are going to see me in most of the time if we have afternoon or after work dates. What you see is what you get. Why pretend? why stress yourself out?
Of course, I usually don't show up with a frozen lip and my lips looking all messed up. My girlfriend could not believe that I went on the meeting. I just shoved him in between my chaos. When I told her about my day and that I went on a meeting, the tears rolled down her face. When I told her about the meeting...she literally was crying. We actually both were because I realized how crazy it was to someone else.
Mr. Rockstar is divorced. I met him on Ashley Madison. He has no kids so really he is like single. He used to be in a rockband....hence the rockstar label. He is into no drama (hahahaha) and no pressure. The man is looking for a long term relationship. Okay, so far, everything I am not!!
I called and warned him that I had a frozen lip. He said we could cancel but I said no lets meet. I tried to put lipstick on....weird..I could see my lip moving when I put the lipstick on but felt nothing. I walked in and he smiled. We went up and got a drink. We were at StarFucks of course. I wasn't really thinking. I love the Pumpkin Latte at Starbucks and they are back for the winter months!! Woooo Hooo...so I had one. Not exactly a good choice for a frozen lip girl. You see I was worried about froth being stuck on my lip. not being able to say M, B, P...and Breath sounded ridiculous.....lol my lip looked strange.....I shouldn't have met him..
we discussed the dentist. We discussed healthcare. We discussed our jobs. We then somehow got on the topic of other people we both met, past relationships and life. Now mind you, I was concerned about the froth on the lips thing. So which each drink I would wipe my lips. after I would drink, he would say....you are fine. so that I wouldn't have to wipe my lip. It became part of the conversation.....yes, an I Love Lucy episode. He would be telling me something and in mid sentence he would say you are fine and then go on with his conversation. i giggled there but after with my girlfriend, we were dying. Yes, a man who doesn't like chaos or drama and look what he is dealing with. the woman who calls him, shows up ten minutes late because I lost a kid and forgot to get my dog. Oh yeah, this none drama thing should have been clear to him....LOL
We had a nice conversation but I couldn't figure out if he was into me as a friend or more than a friend. Here's the thing about single men. Married men, there is no real courtship phase. Its apparent what you are looking for. Okay, I do the coffee, lunch and then sex. But with single men, I gotta get used to a more drawn out romancing stage. I also did everything I shouldn't have done besides the lip thing--I told him all the drama. Like its a test in a way. Like me for me or forget it. My girlfriend said he should have run.
at the end of the date, he said too bad you wouldn't feel it if I kissed you. Maybe I would I said. So he reached down and he kissed me gently on the lips. Or so I thought it was my lips because I only could feel the outside of the kiss. Very strange to feel toothless. I hope I never lose my teeth and become a gummer. Anyway, I smiled and said it felt nice and we left.
I got home and that night he was online. I guess it was a bust. Oh well, it didn't matter. I wasn't sure if I liked him or not. There was something a little off....something a little flower childy about him or it was his rockstar thing. Either way....not the Type A personality I am craving. He's probably better for me but I need that type A personality...lol I sent him a not through Ashley. "Thank you for the coffee. I'm glad we met. And I wanted you to know my lip unfroze". He wrote back that it tasted good even if it was a frozen lip. I wrote back that he would have to kiss me again sometime to tell me whether it tastes better frozen or room temperature. And that was it.
I figured I would never hear from him again. suprisingly he wrote me a note today. How are u? But I missed it with the crazy number of emails coming through. I noticed it as I was deleting it. I wrote him a note, did you text me today. He called me. I guess he thought I was blowing him off. We spoke for an hour. We can talk and talk. He's very nice. And then he asked me out for dinner. Cool. I was trying to not do dinner since my situation is not finalized (I will have to tell you about that too). Anyway, he noticed I was skirting the dinner and it was a little uncomfortable. I just said that lets have a backup night and he felt better I guess. I just don't want to keep a low profile till my marriage is dissolved or he moves out next month.
So...the moral of the story.....some men can handle a frazzled blonde with a frozen lip!
Mr. P called me today to wish me a good weekend. We are still not on track but we are much better. I wonder if nothing has changed but I just see our relationship differently or is it different? He absolutely has pulled away although he totally denies it. I was once his sounding board we don't even talk about work. He used to tell me all that he does on weekends, he doesn't tell me anymore. Personally, I think he is preparing himself for me to be dating. He keeps mentioning the dating each conversation. Is he preparing for our end? Funny, I don't see why we would have to end.
Of course, I usually don't show up with a frozen lip and my lips looking all messed up. My girlfriend could not believe that I went on the meeting. I just shoved him in between my chaos. When I told her about my day and that I went on a meeting, the tears rolled down her face. When I told her about the meeting...she literally was crying. We actually both were because I realized how crazy it was to someone else.
Mr. Rockstar is divorced. I met him on Ashley Madison. He has no kids so really he is like single. He used to be in a rockband....hence the rockstar label. He is into no drama (hahahaha) and no pressure. The man is looking for a long term relationship. Okay, so far, everything I am not!!
I called and warned him that I had a frozen lip. He said we could cancel but I said no lets meet. I tried to put lipstick on....weird..I could see my lip moving when I put the lipstick on but felt nothing. I walked in and he smiled. We went up and got a drink. We were at StarFucks of course. I wasn't really thinking. I love the Pumpkin Latte at Starbucks and they are back for the winter months!! Woooo Hooo...so I had one. Not exactly a good choice for a frozen lip girl. You see I was worried about froth being stuck on my lip. not being able to say M, B, P...and Breath sounded ridiculous.....lol my lip looked strange.....I shouldn't have met him..
we discussed the dentist. We discussed healthcare. We discussed our jobs. We then somehow got on the topic of other people we both met, past relationships and life. Now mind you, I was concerned about the froth on the lips thing. So which each drink I would wipe my lips. after I would drink, he would say....you are fine. so that I wouldn't have to wipe my lip. It became part of the conversation.....yes, an I Love Lucy episode. He would be telling me something and in mid sentence he would say you are fine and then go on with his conversation. i giggled there but after with my girlfriend, we were dying. Yes, a man who doesn't like chaos or drama and look what he is dealing with. the woman who calls him, shows up ten minutes late because I lost a kid and forgot to get my dog. Oh yeah, this none drama thing should have been clear to him....LOL
We had a nice conversation but I couldn't figure out if he was into me as a friend or more than a friend. Here's the thing about single men. Married men, there is no real courtship phase. Its apparent what you are looking for. Okay, I do the coffee, lunch and then sex. But with single men, I gotta get used to a more drawn out romancing stage. I also did everything I shouldn't have done besides the lip thing--I told him all the drama. Like its a test in a way. Like me for me or forget it. My girlfriend said he should have run.
at the end of the date, he said too bad you wouldn't feel it if I kissed you. Maybe I would I said. So he reached down and he kissed me gently on the lips. Or so I thought it was my lips because I only could feel the outside of the kiss. Very strange to feel toothless. I hope I never lose my teeth and become a gummer. Anyway, I smiled and said it felt nice and we left.
I got home and that night he was online. I guess it was a bust. Oh well, it didn't matter. I wasn't sure if I liked him or not. There was something a little off....something a little flower childy about him or it was his rockstar thing. Either way....not the Type A personality I am craving. He's probably better for me but I need that type A personality...lol I sent him a not through Ashley. "Thank you for the coffee. I'm glad we met. And I wanted you to know my lip unfroze". He wrote back that it tasted good even if it was a frozen lip. I wrote back that he would have to kiss me again sometime to tell me whether it tastes better frozen or room temperature. And that was it.
I figured I would never hear from him again. suprisingly he wrote me a note today. How are u? But I missed it with the crazy number of emails coming through. I noticed it as I was deleting it. I wrote him a note, did you text me today. He called me. I guess he thought I was blowing him off. We spoke for an hour. We can talk and talk. He's very nice. And then he asked me out for dinner. Cool. I was trying to not do dinner since my situation is not finalized (I will have to tell you about that too). Anyway, he noticed I was skirting the dinner and it was a little uncomfortable. I just said that lets have a backup night and he felt better I guess. I just don't want to keep a low profile till my marriage is dissolved or he moves out next month.
So...the moral of the story.....some men can handle a frazzled blonde with a frozen lip!
Mr. P called me today to wish me a good weekend. We are still not on track but we are much better. I wonder if nothing has changed but I just see our relationship differently or is it different? He absolutely has pulled away although he totally denies it. I was once his sounding board we don't even talk about work. He used to tell me all that he does on weekends, he doesn't tell me anymore. Personally, I think he is preparing himself for me to be dating. He keeps mentioning the dating each conversation. Is he preparing for our end? Funny, I don't see why we would have to end.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Better than A Reality Show
Yesterday was a day better than a comedy or a reality show. The scary thing, it was just my life but my best friend was laughing so hard she had tears rolling down her face. It was a non stop day. Kids off to school early (I didn't like one of the bus drivers, I was running around with work. And then the world wind began....a call from my kid's school.....
"Hi just checking on why your child wasn't in school today..."
"What?! She was in school!!!!!!!"
"Oh okay" said the nurse.
I bugged "NO, it's not okay....can you go find my child and make sure she is there?!!??!" Frantic, this was already 1PM, all these horrible thoughts going through my head. 10 minutes later, Oh sorry, she is here".
Now I am late (And totally frazzled) for a meeting. I ran out (without my five hours of preparation for this meeting and without my blackberry). Get to the meeting that is suppose to be 1/2 hour and it turns out to be 1 1/2 hours. I totally had to wing the meeting...whew...good thing I know my shit well. I got a dentist appointment. Gotta take another kid to work, run to the dentist....jump in the chair....ahhhhh some laughing gas, shit the needles...I was having some little fillings done in the back of a front tooth. Weird, my entire top lip is numb..and teeth....I feel toothless, weirdest feeling. Finish the tooth, run home, drive a kid to work and the same missing kid from before is missing again (should have been home) crap...gotta track down that kid as I drive the other......oh shit, forgot to pick up the dog from the groomer.....drop kid, find missing kid, get dog. And I had a coffee date.....
Drop dog off at the house, kiss kids and run out to coffee date. Trying to put on lipstick on a numb lip is nearly impossible. Wow, I can't talk, my face looks like I had a mini bell palsy attack and I can't say the letters m, p and b!!!!! Oh this is going to be a good first meeting.....call him to tell him. this is the single guy who wants drama free.....lol
My theory...hey if a guy needs perfection..I don't want to be with him. My girlfriend is dying laughing. She can't believe this is my life..... And so...wait till you hear about the meeting....I'll be back in a little...going to have some phone sex with the Astronaut...I know you thought he was gone but I will have to catch you up......
"Hi just checking on why your child wasn't in school today..."
"What?! She was in school!!!!!!!"
"Oh okay" said the nurse.
I bugged "NO, it's not okay....can you go find my child and make sure she is there?!!??!" Frantic, this was already 1PM, all these horrible thoughts going through my head. 10 minutes later, Oh sorry, she is here".
Now I am late (And totally frazzled) for a meeting. I ran out (without my five hours of preparation for this meeting and without my blackberry). Get to the meeting that is suppose to be 1/2 hour and it turns out to be 1 1/2 hours. I totally had to wing the meeting...whew...good thing I know my shit well. I got a dentist appointment. Gotta take another kid to work, run to the dentist....jump in the chair....ahhhhh some laughing gas, shit the needles...I was having some little fillings done in the back of a front tooth. Weird, my entire top lip is numb..and teeth....I feel toothless, weirdest feeling. Finish the tooth, run home, drive a kid to work and the same missing kid from before is missing again (should have been home) crap...gotta track down that kid as I drive the other......oh shit, forgot to pick up the dog from the groomer.....drop kid, find missing kid, get dog. And I had a coffee date.....
Drop dog off at the house, kiss kids and run out to coffee date. Trying to put on lipstick on a numb lip is nearly impossible. Wow, I can't talk, my face looks like I had a mini bell palsy attack and I can't say the letters m, p and b!!!!! Oh this is going to be a good first meeting.....call him to tell him. this is the single guy who wants drama free.....lol
My theory...hey if a guy needs perfection..I don't want to be with him. My girlfriend is dying laughing. She can't believe this is my life..... And so...wait till you hear about the meeting....I'll be back in a little...going to have some phone sex with the Astronaut...I know you thought he was gone but I will have to catch you up......
Wednesday, September 09, 2009
A comment gets me really thinking...
Ffs commented on my raw and deviant sex post and he had my mind racing. Remembering all these things I did and said...and quite frankly, I couldn't remember them until he said them. I think with so much going on in my life lately, I do not remember a lot. i can't tell you how happy I am that I wrote my blog. Ironic how my savior also became my demise. The blog being my therapy, the blog being found by MM being the lose of him. I still can't believe the man found my blog with trillions of blogs in this world. Please!! what was the chance? Crap...still blows my mind. How many websites and blogs are there in this world?
225,950,957 websites estimated in the world (yes, I looked it up). From that ridiculous amount, the man found my blog. Now that is truly ridiculous, don't ya think?
After reading Ffs comments, I realized there are so many things I don't remember. So many rendezvous', so many highs and lows. The last four years almost seems like a blur. One long endless dream! And here I am today.....PETRIFIED and EXCITED of the future. I think the next few weeks, I have to go back and read some of my blog. I rarely do,
So I talked with a few men online from Ashley Madison and I even looked for the singles on the site. And of course, I walked away with one single and one married. the married guy is too close to my industry and quite frankly he lied about his name, his age, his nationality. The single guy lied about his age (but he was closer to mine). Does everyone lie about their age? The single guy I am meeting for coffee this week. Will let ya know how it goes!
225,950,957 websites estimated in the world (yes, I looked it up). From that ridiculous amount, the man found my blog. Now that is truly ridiculous, don't ya think?
After reading Ffs comments, I realized there are so many things I don't remember. So many rendezvous', so many highs and lows. The last four years almost seems like a blur. One long endless dream! And here I am today.....PETRIFIED and EXCITED of the future. I think the next few weeks, I have to go back and read some of my blog. I rarely do,
So I talked with a few men online from Ashley Madison and I even looked for the singles on the site. And of course, I walked away with one single and one married. the married guy is too close to my industry and quite frankly he lied about his name, his age, his nationality. The single guy lied about his age (but he was closer to mine). Does everyone lie about their age? The single guy I am meeting for coffee this week. Will let ya know how it goes!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Nine Frogs and No Little Sex
I watched this show last night...Hoarding. Did you ever see it?! Crazy how people's entire homes become a garbage dump. they can't part with anything. An excellent show to watch before you clean your house. Giving you incentive to throw, throw, throw! Boy, am I going to look at something differently before I throw it out.
It was a real tough weekend here. Hubby is packing to move out and has begun to move stuff to his new apartment. It's small but it is nice. I am jealous in some ways. He gets to leave the craziness behind and start over. He gets to sleep late, sleep through the night and do whatever he wants to do. My life will not be like that. I began throwing out tons of stuff this weekend. I don't want stuff anymore. All it does is collect dust and make a mess.
I reclaimed the bedroom and like a baby, he refused to do anything around this house. yes, he is moving out but realistically the mess, the dirt and the kids messes....are being done while he is still here. He didn't take out the garbage, didn't want to help with the kids and he knew I had to work today...he ran out early so I couldn't work. these are his kids too.
On to other things.....I sat down last night and thought about the frogs I am communicating with. And in final count, there were 11! Now, 11 frogs...I should be screwing day and night. Looking at the list, I realized that some I have been talking a long time. Some men just need that jump in their pants, that quick email/sex text to give them that quick high for the day.
Sadly, MM was not on that list. I miss him. He won't answer an email. I miss what we had. Flashbacks of us while bring a smile to my face, then leave a sadness and void. I never expected anything from him, except those three hours together of total paradise. Last night, I had done a search of my emails and all his emails popped up. I just opened a few and got the giggles. The man was brilliant at sexual emails. He had the sexiness, the creativity, originality and intelligents to give excellent email. And he brought the same out of me. I don't even give email like that except with him. He could get me so excited to the point that I had to masturbate to focus again. The email foreplay before we met made me so wet and rush for the room like an animal in heat. I couldn't wait to touch his lips and his cock...damn, I miss that frogging.
It was a real tough weekend here. Hubby is packing to move out and has begun to move stuff to his new apartment. It's small but it is nice. I am jealous in some ways. He gets to leave the craziness behind and start over. He gets to sleep late, sleep through the night and do whatever he wants to do. My life will not be like that. I began throwing out tons of stuff this weekend. I don't want stuff anymore. All it does is collect dust and make a mess.
I reclaimed the bedroom and like a baby, he refused to do anything around this house. yes, he is moving out but realistically the mess, the dirt and the kids messes....are being done while he is still here. He didn't take out the garbage, didn't want to help with the kids and he knew I had to work today...he ran out early so I couldn't work. these are his kids too.
On to other things.....I sat down last night and thought about the frogs I am communicating with. And in final count, there were 11! Now, 11 frogs...I should be screwing day and night. Looking at the list, I realized that some I have been talking a long time. Some men just need that jump in their pants, that quick email/sex text to give them that quick high for the day.
Sadly, MM was not on that list. I miss him. He won't answer an email. I miss what we had. Flashbacks of us while bring a smile to my face, then leave a sadness and void. I never expected anything from him, except those three hours together of total paradise. Last night, I had done a search of my emails and all his emails popped up. I just opened a few and got the giggles. The man was brilliant at sexual emails. He had the sexiness, the creativity, originality and intelligents to give excellent email. And he brought the same out of me. I don't even give email like that except with him. He could get me so excited to the point that I had to masturbate to focus again. The email foreplay before we met made me so wet and rush for the room like an animal in heat. I couldn't wait to touch his lips and his cock...damn, I miss that frogging.
Those Browsing Eyes
I went to an event this weekend, the first one on my own actually. It was a wedding for a close friend's son. It was dancing and dining. I went solo with a few other women I know. Years ago, I never would have noticed men or thought they would have allowed their eyes to wander while they were with their wives. Well, now I know differently. Amazing how obvious men can be. What what was interesting, it that the wives always did the same thing when they consciously or unconsciously thought their men's eyes were wandering. They would grab their hands and hold them. Snapping the man back to reality quickly....lol While on the dance floor there was one hubby who was watching all of us dance. His wife, this time, took his hand and then turned him and began kissing him and then walked him away.
Eye flirting with three men during the night...it was actually fun. Smiling and then catching their eye...mmmmmm.....now what made it even better was that two of them were married to my friends ex-husband's wicked sisters. These women were vicious to her throughout the evening so I certainly laughed seeing that they were the ones that were so flirtacious.
One of the woman who were there, we had gone to the psychic years ago together. She has been single for a long time....twelve years at least. We were discussing our thoughts on men and she said to me....you have an unbelievable attitude towards men, I wish I was as open, direct and outgoing. Actually, you think like a man does. LOL....oh my. Actually at this point I do to some extent. I am not looking for anything too serious and I am looking for something that is hot and drama free. This poor woman got lured in by a married man who claimed he was separated. For six months, he talked about and claimed he got a lawyer and was proceeding with his divorce. One day, he called her and said its over, don't call, don't come around my house (did I say they were going away that day on a trip to the Islands). Now there's a cheating hubby that really gives cheating a horrible name..(lol) At least on Ashley Madison people are honest about their status and what they are looking for! I am married and I want hot, wild and unattached sex!
Eye flirting with three men during the night...it was actually fun. Smiling and then catching their eye...mmmmmm.....now what made it even better was that two of them were married to my friends ex-husband's wicked sisters. These women were vicious to her throughout the evening so I certainly laughed seeing that they were the ones that were so flirtacious.
One of the woman who were there, we had gone to the psychic years ago together. She has been single for a long time....twelve years at least. We were discussing our thoughts on men and she said to me....you have an unbelievable attitude towards men, I wish I was as open, direct and outgoing. Actually, you think like a man does. LOL....oh my. Actually at this point I do to some extent. I am not looking for anything too serious and I am looking for something that is hot and drama free. This poor woman got lured in by a married man who claimed he was separated. For six months, he talked about and claimed he got a lawyer and was proceeding with his divorce. One day, he called her and said its over, don't call, don't come around my house (did I say they were going away that day on a trip to the Islands). Now there's a cheating hubby that really gives cheating a horrible name..(lol) At least on Ashley Madison people are honest about their status and what they are looking for! I am married and I want hot, wild and unattached sex!
Friday, September 04, 2009
Very Raw and Deviant Sex
Mr Porsche and I haven't seen each other in almost a month. I was beginning to give up on us. He called this morning and surprised me. Wanted to see if I was available. we met at our regular place and quite frankly the sex was wild today. So do I sound like I am complaining? Well, let's just say when he is hard, he is big and we had a lot of anal sex. With me, my butt is so tight....so it takes some time and lube....let's just say...I am very sore in many areas tonight.
Did I orgasm? Over and over and over again. Amazing how I never orgasmed just 5 years ago and now I am an orgasm machine! he bought three new toys..the sex was so wild, I broke two of them...lol These rockets were amazing....loved them. And these other toys were pretty hot too. I lost track. Let's just say I was like a fish out of water....thrashing on the bed. And the more I would cum, the more he would keep going that I had to beg to stop.
So why would a woman not be so happy? It was different today. I didn't feel that closeness that I feel to him. Actually, there was no connection, it was raw sex today. Which is fine and maybe just what I needed. so much so that I jumped up after and he said "hey, no cuddling?" Nah, today cuddling just doesn't fit. He laughed but then I felt bad in a way...so I ran back and jumped on him and he started to laugh. First time, it really just felt like sex. And then there is the kissing thing. He would rather not kiss passionately. Bothers me to no end....oh we kiss alot but its not sensual. He has the pretty woman thing going on I think. The if you kiss, its more than sex.
I swear today he had the devil in him. I love him hypnotizing me and after sex in various positions...it kept getting rougher and more deviant. A lot of ass action today because I think he was trying to push my limits. Well he found my limit today. I do not like his cock in my mouth after he has been up my ass. (OOPS...I assumed you knew that I always use protective sex..so there was a condom that he ripped off first) There is no way to say that except straight out. And now he knew that as I squirmed away from his cock and he loved that and forced me down and stuck his cock in my mouth and then he sat on my face....he was holding me down....testing my limits and he found it. Afterwards, I grabbed his face and started to kiss him like no tomorrow....reminding him exactly where my mouth had just been...he just laughed...
Actually, the anal was accompanied with some ass slapping and my hair being pulled. timing is everything and that was good timing. once I am able to relax and his cock is sliding deep inside my ass---I get really into it. I get into the ass slapping at that point. Right now, I am not so sure since it still hurts.
So we had a good time. We barely talked today...I guess we had to make up for lost sex time. And I have mixed feelings about today. He called me on the way home....he had a great time...I knew he did. He sometimes looks at me....and it makes me smile. He gets a twinkle in his eye at times. He so wants to please me at times....and of course, he also likes to see my limits. I did tell him that it was raw today..he said I hope I wasn't too tough on you. I said no....but today he was a little too deviant. its fun sometimes but I like regular, wild sex too! I guess when you had an excellent sexual partner that you connected with on so many different levels, its sometimes hard to find that again (I will not say who I am talking about...)
I did go an Ashley Madison again last night. Just as I said to my girlfriend on the IM..it seems like there is no one on here for me...I found four new men. It was weird. We started some conversations and there are two I really like. One is single...and Mr. Security and I spoke today again. We have a nice friendship now. He called me as I was waiting for Mr. Porsche. I am glad I can be there for him.
And then after sex, I ran to have dinner with my girlfriends. Seven of us. And once again, there's no way to say it. Most already knew. I find the best way is to wait for dessert and the check and then just blurt it out. "I'm getting divorced". No one is surprised....lol A quick discussion on how they all can't wait to live through me and I should tell them all about my new boyfriends (one of the girls knows my life and knew I had just been with Mr. P-, so she was just smiling at me and giggling). "Yeah, I can't wait to start dating again." Actually, I know I have had my share but I think its going to be different and weird that it will now be permissable....lol
Off to bed..enjoy your weekend.
And Hale, glad you are back and ok....I was thinking about you last week and wondering about you. Kev-thanks for your concern!! And Rainy---your email got erased last night so write me again!!!!!!! Nite
Did I orgasm? Over and over and over again. Amazing how I never orgasmed just 5 years ago and now I am an orgasm machine! he bought three new toys..the sex was so wild, I broke two of them...lol These rockets were amazing....loved them. And these other toys were pretty hot too. I lost track. Let's just say I was like a fish out of water....thrashing on the bed. And the more I would cum, the more he would keep going that I had to beg to stop.
So why would a woman not be so happy? It was different today. I didn't feel that closeness that I feel to him. Actually, there was no connection, it was raw sex today. Which is fine and maybe just what I needed. so much so that I jumped up after and he said "hey, no cuddling?" Nah, today cuddling just doesn't fit. He laughed but then I felt bad in a way...so I ran back and jumped on him and he started to laugh. First time, it really just felt like sex. And then there is the kissing thing. He would rather not kiss passionately. Bothers me to no end....oh we kiss alot but its not sensual. He has the pretty woman thing going on I think. The if you kiss, its more than sex.
I swear today he had the devil in him. I love him hypnotizing me and after sex in various positions...it kept getting rougher and more deviant. A lot of ass action today because I think he was trying to push my limits. Well he found my limit today. I do not like his cock in my mouth after he has been up my ass. (OOPS...I assumed you knew that I always use protective sex..so there was a condom that he ripped off first) There is no way to say that except straight out. And now he knew that as I squirmed away from his cock and he loved that and forced me down and stuck his cock in my mouth and then he sat on my face....he was holding me down....testing my limits and he found it. Afterwards, I grabbed his face and started to kiss him like no tomorrow....reminding him exactly where my mouth had just been...he just laughed...
Actually, the anal was accompanied with some ass slapping and my hair being pulled. timing is everything and that was good timing. once I am able to relax and his cock is sliding deep inside my ass---I get really into it. I get into the ass slapping at that point. Right now, I am not so sure since it still hurts.
So we had a good time. We barely talked today...I guess we had to make up for lost sex time. And I have mixed feelings about today. He called me on the way home....he had a great time...I knew he did. He sometimes looks at me....and it makes me smile. He gets a twinkle in his eye at times. He so wants to please me at times....and of course, he also likes to see my limits. I did tell him that it was raw today..he said I hope I wasn't too tough on you. I said no....but today he was a little too deviant. its fun sometimes but I like regular, wild sex too! I guess when you had an excellent sexual partner that you connected with on so many different levels, its sometimes hard to find that again (I will not say who I am talking about...)
I did go an Ashley Madison again last night. Just as I said to my girlfriend on the IM..it seems like there is no one on here for me...I found four new men. It was weird. We started some conversations and there are two I really like. One is single...and Mr. Security and I spoke today again. We have a nice friendship now. He called me as I was waiting for Mr. Porsche. I am glad I can be there for him.
And then after sex, I ran to have dinner with my girlfriends. Seven of us. And once again, there's no way to say it. Most already knew. I find the best way is to wait for dessert and the check and then just blurt it out. "I'm getting divorced". No one is surprised....lol A quick discussion on how they all can't wait to live through me and I should tell them all about my new boyfriends (one of the girls knows my life and knew I had just been with Mr. P-, so she was just smiling at me and giggling). "Yeah, I can't wait to start dating again." Actually, I know I have had my share but I think its going to be different and weird that it will now be permissable....lol
Off to bed..enjoy your weekend.
And Hale, glad you are back and ok....I was thinking about you last week and wondering about you. Kev-thanks for your concern!! And Rainy---your email got erased last night so write me again!!!!!!! Nite
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