I wish I understood men. I don't. There have been hundreds I have spoken to and probably a hundred I have gone on dates and I still have no idea what makes them tick. Getting a man has been easy for me. I have a nice smile, flirty and I give great email (lol). First and second dates go well...I am thinking my girlfriend is sadly right....you gotta keep them guessing, you gotta keep them at a distance, you gotta play games. How ironic they don't want to play games but I am thinking if they don't have the grand hunt....they lose interest...move to conquer the next. I am too nice. That's the bottomline. I give my friendship to these men, I make them feel special and they become dicks. I am attentive too. That's my personality. Don't you want to treat someone like you want to be treated? I don't think men want to be treated like that. The funniest part of all--they think they are the only one...hahaha. Oh this girl is so into me! Well baby doll, I am treating three guys just as nice, you are not exclusive.
Explain this one. Non Commital came over on Tuesday after his no show on Monday. He called, I said don't come over and he said well I am on my way. Crap. I was cold at first but he walked in with this huge chocolate and cookie arrangement for my family for the holidays, he bought my kid this hat he wanted and he bought my daughter this adorable turkey. Grrrrr....I can't resist a man that is a giver. He even made my stuffing for me and brought it over on Thanksgiving for me.
Tuesday night, we lied in my bed and cuddled and watched tv. It was so nice. He fingered me until I came and I blew him and swallowed. I have to say, that thing he does with his fingers, he's a pro. Somehow he manages to get my clit, my pussy and one finger in my ass....it drives me wild. My body cums so quick. and then he has a flipping technique on my nipples....holy crap, they respond immediately and I get so wet. Did I tell you that he was a stripper years ago? Oh, this is one bad boy who has been around.
Thursday when he came over to drop off the stuffing---holy shit....he looked smokin. The best I have ever seen him. I couldn't keep my hands off of him and in his cool way I can tell he loved it. I also noticed he was wearing the bracelet I bought him for his birthday. So you would think we were in good standings?!
Friday....the dreaded weekend comes....he doesn't ask me out. Finally he asked me what I was doing..I told him going for a drinnk with a friend. He was like oh really? A friend. I said yup and changed the subject. I was going with a friend. It was a first date. I didn't tell him it was a guy but he knew. I said, maybe we can meet after for a drink. I called..he didn't answer that night.
Saturday comes--I call non chalantly to say hi, see how his day was going. Really upbeat and it is Monday, I still haven't heard from me. So, Saturday night, I decided to pass his house at 9pm. Let's see if he still was working. yes, you know me with my famous stalkings. Its observations I guess. To my surprise, his road is narrower than my driveway....crap, I could so have gotten busted. well his cars and work truck were there. AND, there was another car parked by his house. Who knows, maybe he has a girlfriend. that would make sense don't ya think? I mean for two months I havent seen him on a weekend really (maybe once). Something isn't right.
And the hot guy I had a date with two weeks ago. He was sick. So now what?! He lives on the dating site! I am not calling, or texting or anything. Why would he email me from Aruba to say hi and tell me he had a great time....what the fuck?!?!!
The Astronaut has surgery on his knee....three weeks on the couch. He is in a real cranky mood. One word answers on BBMs. I am giving up there too.
So here I sit...sad. I think this holiday season is worst than last year. I am so depressed. I was hoping to have a few guys I cared about or one that I was dating a little regularly. I got volumes but not one that I feel is a real hangout guy. I don't want twelve men to occupy my time and go out with. I want two....
Mr., Security has been back on the scene. Hmmmmm...to my surprise, I don't want him anymore. He's my friend now.
So sex?! Hmmm...Non commital and Mr. porsche are the only ones right now. Mr. Porsche is really it. We had our three year anniversary....wow, three years...that's insane. Gotta tell ya about our last rendezvous..our sex is so bizarre...lol
Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sir Prince Charming?
Well I told you last weekend about that guy I liked. We went dancing last Friday night. He went away for a week to the Islands but how cute, he sent me a note while he was away. Sadly now he is sick......pout. But there is potential there. He has a really great heart, funny...I like him. but hangs out on that dating site, bugs the shit out of me.
truth is, those sites are so made up for that. How many times did I want to kill Mystery Man for being on the site? How many other men did I dump because its like I am not good enough for them if they are still on there. A vicious cycle.
So I am hoping something works with this guy. You know I had two dates this week and I don't know what happened to either one....lol weirdly I don't care.
One guy I have a feeling. we grew up in the same neighborhood. His little sister was in my classes and I realized who she was. you know that girl that everyone tortures growing up? Yup! that was her. she was teased relentlessly. the boys did horrible things to her and the girls were not nice either. I was not one of the people but they were my friends. There wre times that I stopped them and i was nice to her but I wonder if I was guilty based upon association. I guess we will see...
Thanksgiving is here. wow, so fast. gotta get the house in order and make my menu. Yes, its by me again. In between my work. Gotta say, I am sad. holidays without a boyfriend. I was hoping I would have someone here to be with me and share the holidays. being lonely this time of year.....sucks!
truth is, those sites are so made up for that. How many times did I want to kill Mystery Man for being on the site? How many other men did I dump because its like I am not good enough for them if they are still on there. A vicious cycle.
So I am hoping something works with this guy. You know I had two dates this week and I don't know what happened to either one....lol weirdly I don't care.
One guy I have a feeling. we grew up in the same neighborhood. His little sister was in my classes and I realized who she was. you know that girl that everyone tortures growing up? Yup! that was her. she was teased relentlessly. the boys did horrible things to her and the girls were not nice either. I was not one of the people but they were my friends. There wre times that I stopped them and i was nice to her but I wonder if I was guilty based upon association. I guess we will see...
Thanksgiving is here. wow, so fast. gotta get the house in order and make my menu. Yes, its by me again. In between my work. Gotta say, I am sad. holidays without a boyfriend. I was hoping I would have someone here to be with me and share the holidays. being lonely this time of year.....sucks!
Mr. Non Weekend Commital
So I need your opinion on this one. Been dating this guy for three months. He's the one that doesnt commit to weekends. He's not married but something is up. He knows it bothers me if we make tentative plans...like ok, when you are done with your dinner with your parents and I am dome with my dinner with my friends...let's meet up for a drink. He never called. I called and he said he went to sleep already. Hmmmm...interesting...why didn't he call when he was done? Another weekend non commital AND he didn't even call saturday and supposedly he was home. I was out with Mr. Mafia so it didn't matter but what is up with that.
Last night, he said he was going to come by again. Go to the gym and then come to my house around 8:30-9 I said call me. By 8:50, I had had it. It takes 20 minutes to get here and if he hadn't called, he wasn't coming. Well I was pissed. Enough already. Granted, last week he cooked me this great dinner and he's great in bed. Body to die for and he's an ex stripper so he knows all the moves. Great at eating me out....makes me cum immediately and he does this technique to my nipples that drive them wild. Ooops, I got side tracked. Anyway, I sent him a note...I don't know why you are getting off with this game you are playing but I am not at all amused. Don't understand if you know it bothers me why you do it. Not into games, I am a straight shooter. Night!
Am i wrong? Why should I sit around waiting for this guy. His personality, I am not going to hear from him. Oh well, it is what it is. I am not chasing him.
Last night, he said he was going to come by again. Go to the gym and then come to my house around 8:30-9 I said call me. By 8:50, I had had it. It takes 20 minutes to get here and if he hadn't called, he wasn't coming. Well I was pissed. Enough already. Granted, last week he cooked me this great dinner and he's great in bed. Body to die for and he's an ex stripper so he knows all the moves. Great at eating me out....makes me cum immediately and he does this technique to my nipples that drive them wild. Ooops, I got side tracked. Anyway, I sent him a note...I don't know why you are getting off with this game you are playing but I am not at all amused. Don't understand if you know it bothers me why you do it. Not into games, I am a straight shooter. Night!
Am i wrong? Why should I sit around waiting for this guy. His personality, I am not going to hear from him. Oh well, it is what it is. I am not chasing him.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Extreme Date
Be careful what you wish for in life. I am always saying how I want a witty, intelligent bad boy. Well tonight I had a date with a guy who was all of that AND gorgeous. Sounds great right? It was a crazy date. He was extreme. We are talking unbelievably smart. He had a photogenic memory, has a patent for this product that is going to be huge, knows so much about everything. Mentally I was in overstimulation. Looks....Italian all the way. We are talking a body..he was a gymnast, a wrestler, bouncer...I think you get the picture. Witty...but lacking in sophistication and people skills although I was really attracted to him, I was turned off as well. so analytical, so scientific....stubborn and knows it all.
Downfall, we disagree on two very heated topics. God and politics. So extreme are his beliefs that I almost walked out in frustration. We were at this great restaurant with great food, great drinks, great music....just when I almost had enough he leaned over and said...damn you are hot! What spunk, how amazingly refreshing it is to be mentally stimulated by a woman! wow, you are such a turn on and he kissed my neck...
It was too early for the night to be over and he was suppose to bring me some samples of his product and he only lived a few miles away, so i drove back to house. We spent the next two hours, drinking and talking and it was nice. He didn't make a move at first.
And bad boy, well he started to tell me about his life. He does high end contracting work. I could see a scar on his arm. He had been stabbed. OH more than once. He has been shot at, his friends are in the mafia and he had a weapon in every room of his home. Knives, swords, guns...5 guns to be exact. And then there is a side of him that he was featured in a magazine as one of the most eligible men on the internet. A man of extremes! I couldn't figure out if I was nervous or if I felt safe. Tough yet so gentle.
So I sat on his couch and we talked. Then he leaned over to me and kissed me. The kiss was sizzling and sensual and it went on for a long time. I was lying in his arms,we were cuddled on the couch. It felt so nice and he was an amazing kisser. I could feel his hard cock leaning against me but I wasn't ready to fuck or suck him. Until I know if this guy is something I want, I am not screwing with him. In a heated kiss, he took my hand so I could feel the bulge on his pants...mmmmmm....so inviting. We kissed some more and then he brought my hand back and his cock was out. I went to move it but his moan was so inviting and he had a long, hard cock...
Whispering in my ear, you are turning me on so much. The fact that you've opened my mind a little tonight, was such a turn on. And feeling his cock, with a few quick rubs and strokes...he came. With such vocalization, it almost shocked me.
It's been awhile since I have been with someone. I have been concentrating on my new invention and i would rather be alone that be on a bad date. They are depressing. I cuddled in his arms. I want someone that feels like they fit together with me like a puzzle. I am blown away by how I feel about you right now.
I felt good nestled in his arms just playing with his chest hair and talking. It felt so right yet I knew in my heart, this man was not for me. Brilliant, absolutely but he was a narcisstic too. Old world Italian too. I walked into his home and I felt like it was an Italian grandma's home. Always amazes me how you can see a lack of female touch and design in a man's house. Kind of sad in a way. This guy had such potential, he excelled at everything he had ever done. Yet, he wasn't a success because of this dark side I could feel.
He showed me his bedroom and we kissed again on his bed. He admitted to me that while he was not happy at the time I said no to heavy sexual involvement, that if he slept with me, he never calls the girl the next night. Hmmmm, interesting. Well we kissed and he told me how gorgeous I was. But he kept saying how safe I was and how he would never hurt me. Which made me even more nervous because this man lived like there were people coming to get him at all times. Two additional shot guns in his closet and he couldn't find his hand gun (holy crap, it was time to leave. He misplaced his handgun?)
He told me I could stay in the guest bedroom. I needed to get home. We spoke a little more and I was amazed at his intellect yet I was amazed at his lack of social skills as well. Jokingly he told me that his friend once said to him that after talking to him for 10 minutes, a person needs a nap to rest their brain. Perfectly put! lol
He walked me to the car and thanked me for a fabulous evening. He kissed me goodby and opened my car door and asked me if I would see him again. Tough question. He's going to be a success if he mellows out but the fact that he lives and breathes Survival of the Fittest. Thinking that if a human can't take care of themselves, they deserve to die just like animals in the wild. I can't handle someone like that. I can't handle a man who feels like that when honestly, I have children that are not the fittest. I fight for them.
So tonight I got to see brass knuckles, two shotguns, samauri swords, learned how soldiers used this sword to fight and that the blade can cut through armor, saw three handguns, learned how Jesus was the sacrified lamb and that we are all not pure and will go to hell and if a person needs a wheelchair--screw them--but it themselves. I learned about rockets and the civil war and Ulysses Grant and samauris and a whole bunch of stuff I never knew. Geez, and as I write this, I realize that I need to let this one die very quietly! lol
How ironic that all these men live within 5-10 miles of each other. I passed Mystery Man's development, I passed Mr. Astronauts block, I passed the taxman too. Maybe I should move in the area.
Downfall, we disagree on two very heated topics. God and politics. So extreme are his beliefs that I almost walked out in frustration. We were at this great restaurant with great food, great drinks, great music....just when I almost had enough he leaned over and said...damn you are hot! What spunk, how amazingly refreshing it is to be mentally stimulated by a woman! wow, you are such a turn on and he kissed my neck...
It was too early for the night to be over and he was suppose to bring me some samples of his product and he only lived a few miles away, so i drove back to house. We spent the next two hours, drinking and talking and it was nice. He didn't make a move at first.
And bad boy, well he started to tell me about his life. He does high end contracting work. I could see a scar on his arm. He had been stabbed. OH more than once. He has been shot at, his friends are in the mafia and he had a weapon in every room of his home. Knives, swords, guns...5 guns to be exact. And then there is a side of him that he was featured in a magazine as one of the most eligible men on the internet. A man of extremes! I couldn't figure out if I was nervous or if I felt safe. Tough yet so gentle.
So I sat on his couch and we talked. Then he leaned over to me and kissed me. The kiss was sizzling and sensual and it went on for a long time. I was lying in his arms,we were cuddled on the couch. It felt so nice and he was an amazing kisser. I could feel his hard cock leaning against me but I wasn't ready to fuck or suck him. Until I know if this guy is something I want, I am not screwing with him. In a heated kiss, he took my hand so I could feel the bulge on his pants...mmmmmm....so inviting. We kissed some more and then he brought my hand back and his cock was out. I went to move it but his moan was so inviting and he had a long, hard cock...
Whispering in my ear, you are turning me on so much. The fact that you've opened my mind a little tonight, was such a turn on. And feeling his cock, with a few quick rubs and strokes...he came. With such vocalization, it almost shocked me.
It's been awhile since I have been with someone. I have been concentrating on my new invention and i would rather be alone that be on a bad date. They are depressing. I cuddled in his arms. I want someone that feels like they fit together with me like a puzzle. I am blown away by how I feel about you right now.
I felt good nestled in his arms just playing with his chest hair and talking. It felt so right yet I knew in my heart, this man was not for me. Brilliant, absolutely but he was a narcisstic too. Old world Italian too. I walked into his home and I felt like it was an Italian grandma's home. Always amazes me how you can see a lack of female touch and design in a man's house. Kind of sad in a way. This guy had such potential, he excelled at everything he had ever done. Yet, he wasn't a success because of this dark side I could feel.
He showed me his bedroom and we kissed again on his bed. He admitted to me that while he was not happy at the time I said no to heavy sexual involvement, that if he slept with me, he never calls the girl the next night. Hmmmm, interesting. Well we kissed and he told me how gorgeous I was. But he kept saying how safe I was and how he would never hurt me. Which made me even more nervous because this man lived like there were people coming to get him at all times. Two additional shot guns in his closet and he couldn't find his hand gun (holy crap, it was time to leave. He misplaced his handgun?)
He told me I could stay in the guest bedroom. I needed to get home. We spoke a little more and I was amazed at his intellect yet I was amazed at his lack of social skills as well. Jokingly he told me that his friend once said to him that after talking to him for 10 minutes, a person needs a nap to rest their brain. Perfectly put! lol
He walked me to the car and thanked me for a fabulous evening. He kissed me goodby and opened my car door and asked me if I would see him again. Tough question. He's going to be a success if he mellows out but the fact that he lives and breathes Survival of the Fittest. Thinking that if a human can't take care of themselves, they deserve to die just like animals in the wild. I can't handle someone like that. I can't handle a man who feels like that when honestly, I have children that are not the fittest. I fight for them.
So tonight I got to see brass knuckles, two shotguns, samauri swords, learned how soldiers used this sword to fight and that the blade can cut through armor, saw three handguns, learned how Jesus was the sacrified lamb and that we are all not pure and will go to hell and if a person needs a wheelchair--screw them--but it themselves. I learned about rockets and the civil war and Ulysses Grant and samauris and a whole bunch of stuff I never knew. Geez, and as I write this, I realize that I need to let this one die very quietly! lol
How ironic that all these men live within 5-10 miles of each other. I passed Mystery Man's development, I passed Mr. Astronauts block, I passed the taxman too. Maybe I should move in the area.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
When The Divorce Is Final...
I had planned a big divorce party. Actually a client was paying for a limo ride for me and my friends, the only catch was that we had to go to a strip place. I think he was going to get off on watching my friends and I and the girls play with us. He was going to leave us to enjoy the rest of the night in the limo. Ironically, now that it is FINAL. Yes, ladies, gentleman and frogs.....it is true, I am a divorced woman.
I did not know what I would expect. Would I be jumping up and down? Would I be going crazy and partying all night? Truth was....I felt sad. Not because I regretted anything I did or ever planned to return. I never once have said maybe I shouldn't have done it. I always felt it was the right move and still do. However, I failed. I am not one who likes to fail or gives up and I did both. I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I gave up here. OH I know, it was the right thing to do. I am sooooooo much happier. I feel sooooo much more alive.
And then there was the clincher. Two things actually. The reality that I am alone. And the truth is I think the fact that I was sick and no one to take care of me (not that he ever did) and the fact that I started to get morbid and thinking would anyone care if I died? I think that was hard for me. All hit at the same time.
Ironically, I truly feel like my life could sometimes be a book or a late night drama show. When the papers arrived, they were signed by the judge on what would have been my 20th Anniversary. It was as if the contract ran out. It was to the day. There was no renewal on the contract. It is done. Please, such drama only happens in movies but not for me!!! I sometimes feel like my life is a movie. Not sure if it would be a horror movie, a comedy, a romance novel or a porn book! lol All wrapped up in one.
Its been a few days actually. I threw in the towel and went to the doctor again and well, he is pumping me up with antibiotics and some other crap. I am finally, finally feeling a little better!!! YEAH!!!!!! My spunky self is returning YEAH!!!!!!!!
So tonight I went out with my best girlfriends. Major crap with the ex last week and each week. child support? Hmmmmm...he doesn't think he has to pay it for over 3 months now. I would be living in a shoebox!!! But as I was driving to meet my girlfriends, the music was blasting and I realized...I am happy! I was going out with my girlfriends and meeting a man after. That I actually had my choice of two to meet. That I was dating now. I mean really dating. going out on three dates a week. Meeting new people, talking, having freedom and I am loving it! And I will not settle because I am happy. I don't need someone, I don't ever think I will be without a date if I wanted one, there is always a man. So if I find someone special--I would love it. If I don't, I will just keep dating.
My friends and I sat around the table tonight and we discussed all the guys I have met the past year (hmmm...I have not been discussing my cheating days even) and they were laughing hysterical. One of my friends married her high school sweetheart, she actually never dated four men in her life. And here I drop four men in a bucket in a week.
How do I feel?! Emotionally GREAT! It's liberating! It's freedom! It's amazing! My only worry is money. But I feel good, really good. I hope I can keep this great high for a long time.
So wish me luck! xoxo
I did not know what I would expect. Would I be jumping up and down? Would I be going crazy and partying all night? Truth was....I felt sad. Not because I regretted anything I did or ever planned to return. I never once have said maybe I shouldn't have done it. I always felt it was the right move and still do. However, I failed. I am not one who likes to fail or gives up and I did both. I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I gave up here. OH I know, it was the right thing to do. I am sooooooo much happier. I feel sooooo much more alive.
And then there was the clincher. Two things actually. The reality that I am alone. And the truth is I think the fact that I was sick and no one to take care of me (not that he ever did) and the fact that I started to get morbid and thinking would anyone care if I died? I think that was hard for me. All hit at the same time.
Ironically, I truly feel like my life could sometimes be a book or a late night drama show. When the papers arrived, they were signed by the judge on what would have been my 20th Anniversary. It was as if the contract ran out. It was to the day. There was no renewal on the contract. It is done. Please, such drama only happens in movies but not for me!!! I sometimes feel like my life is a movie. Not sure if it would be a horror movie, a comedy, a romance novel or a porn book! lol All wrapped up in one.
Its been a few days actually. I threw in the towel and went to the doctor again and well, he is pumping me up with antibiotics and some other crap. I am finally, finally feeling a little better!!! YEAH!!!!!! My spunky self is returning YEAH!!!!!!!!
So tonight I went out with my best girlfriends. Major crap with the ex last week and each week. child support? Hmmmmm...he doesn't think he has to pay it for over 3 months now. I would be living in a shoebox!!! But as I was driving to meet my girlfriends, the music was blasting and I realized...I am happy! I was going out with my girlfriends and meeting a man after. That I actually had my choice of two to meet. That I was dating now. I mean really dating. going out on three dates a week. Meeting new people, talking, having freedom and I am loving it! And I will not settle because I am happy. I don't need someone, I don't ever think I will be without a date if I wanted one, there is always a man. So if I find someone special--I would love it. If I don't, I will just keep dating.
My friends and I sat around the table tonight and we discussed all the guys I have met the past year (hmmm...I have not been discussing my cheating days even) and they were laughing hysterical. One of my friends married her high school sweetheart, she actually never dated four men in her life. And here I drop four men in a bucket in a week.
How do I feel?! Emotionally GREAT! It's liberating! It's freedom! It's amazing! My only worry is money. But I feel good, really good. I hope I can keep this great high for a long time.
So wish me luck! xoxo
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Frogs , so many frogs
Frogs from the past, frogs from today, frogs for tomorrow!
Busy season at work, still sick--I blew out my sinus..isn't that special!!
Been dating a lot and enjoying it. Actually, if I wasn't sick, I would be really enjoying life. No one special but honestly, I think I prefer it that way right now. Ironically, I had more sex when I was married then now. But I am going out more now on REAL DATES. My attitude has changed, the old Don't Think seems to be working for me.
I do like this new guy. Not sure where it is going to go. He owns an exterminating company. Not something I am very comfortable with (I am squirming when I think of a spider) but I gotta get over it. He's gorgeous, he's sexual and he has a good soul.
When I was married and cheating, I seemed to go for the white collar men. My direction has seemed to change....I wonder why? Actually the one guy who is wining and dining me who is white collar is not turning me on. All the money in the world can't buy you class and a soul. And I am learning that now!
Oh, I can't wait to share some of the frogs! Catch up! Catch up! I have been working so hard because the ex hasn't given me a penny in 4 months. Forcing me to go to child support. He's such an ass.
Hope all is well with you out there!!!!!! Miss my blog friends!!
Busy season at work, still sick--I blew out my sinus..isn't that special!!
Been dating a lot and enjoying it. Actually, if I wasn't sick, I would be really enjoying life. No one special but honestly, I think I prefer it that way right now. Ironically, I had more sex when I was married then now. But I am going out more now on REAL DATES. My attitude has changed, the old Don't Think seems to be working for me.
I do like this new guy. Not sure where it is going to go. He owns an exterminating company. Not something I am very comfortable with (I am squirming when I think of a spider) but I gotta get over it. He's gorgeous, he's sexual and he has a good soul.
When I was married and cheating, I seemed to go for the white collar men. My direction has seemed to change....I wonder why? Actually the one guy who is wining and dining me who is white collar is not turning me on. All the money in the world can't buy you class and a soul. And I am learning that now!
Oh, I can't wait to share some of the frogs! Catch up! Catch up! I have been working so hard because the ex hasn't given me a penny in 4 months. Forcing me to go to child support. He's such an ass.
Hope all is well with you out there!!!!!! Miss my blog friends!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ouch! I was a slime
I didn't mean to be. I thought he wasn't that into me. It made me feel like I would just be a booty call. Asking me to come over and hang out the last minute. Asking me to meet him the last minute. The cocky developer sent me a vicious email today. AND...he was right. I felt like crap because I hate to be treated that way but honestly I have gotten callous to men lately. He said he's been trying to get me to call him back, make plans and I have been busy. That he wanted me to come over and hang out and go to dinner. I thought he was looking for a quick booty call, that he was a player.
So he told me today he can't do this with me anymore. That I am totally not into him that I do not call back and that I am selfish. WOW! These are things I have never been called and what hurt more than anything is that is exactly what I blamed other for in my life. So the tables turned. And I so don't like being known like that. I have a problem that he left his family, met a woman 25 years younger and had a baby with her and didn't marry her. He has two families now. I guess I didn't see me and my family fitting in. But yet I do feel bad.
I told him. Let's start again. I am very attracted to him but this image of the playa keeps popping in my head. Can he not be a playa? I guess it doesn't matter, he told me he can't. That I am too wrapped up in my own life to want to get to know him. He needs to move on from me. Personally, he was hanging with his friend and I think he got pissed because I blew off meeting him at his friends' business.
Well I do feel bad. I know what it feels like to be left hanging. So I feel like a bit of a slime. I guess the only thing I can do is be more careful next time and be more attentive. I usually am over attentive. Going to sleep...Sweet dreams....
xoxo
So he told me today he can't do this with me anymore. That I am totally not into him that I do not call back and that I am selfish. WOW! These are things I have never been called and what hurt more than anything is that is exactly what I blamed other for in my life. So the tables turned. And I so don't like being known like that. I have a problem that he left his family, met a woman 25 years younger and had a baby with her and didn't marry her. He has two families now. I guess I didn't see me and my family fitting in. But yet I do feel bad.
I told him. Let's start again. I am very attracted to him but this image of the playa keeps popping in my head. Can he not be a playa? I guess it doesn't matter, he told me he can't. That I am too wrapped up in my own life to want to get to know him. He needs to move on from me. Personally, he was hanging with his friend and I think he got pissed because I blew off meeting him at his friends' business.
Well I do feel bad. I know what it feels like to be left hanging. So I feel like a bit of a slime. I guess the only thing I can do is be more careful next time and be more attentive. I usually am over attentive. Going to sleep...Sweet dreams....
xoxo
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
A Possible Prince Charming?
It's been awhile since I felt this excitement. That I felt a sensual connection with a man, a real strong one. And I think I might have found it. I have been dating a lot of men but I don't get that Oh Wow. That feeling of sexual desire and craving. They are nice. I enjoy their company. But there was this one guy, I had read his profile about six months ago. I thought it was cocky. So cocky that I sent him a note basically saying how disgusting it was. How ironic, we started to discuss his profile. Time passed and we would say hello once in awhile online.
A month ago, he sent me a note to say hi. He adjusted his profile a little and I laughed. then we started talking...I liked him but how could I like a pompous ass like this? well his new profile was mellowed down. And we spoke on the phone and he was funny, fun and well, we all know with such a pompous attitude--he is super hot. Anyway, he wanted to meet. I told him I am not the usual anorexic bitches you are used to going out with so I will meet you but we ain't a match. Think of it as a fun drink. Fine, he said. Buddies. I said great.
So we went out and well the drink turned to dinner and the dinner turned to us massaging each other in the booth and well....it was friends but getting quite touchy. He walked me to my car and hugged me and then leaned over and we kissed. I can't believe I just kissed you...he said. And I turned to him and whispered in his ear.... You did!!! and laughed and jumped into my car.
Things have been heating up with us. And honestly, he has been super funny and I look forward to hearing from him. we made a date for Wednesday and he cancelled...jokingly I had said to him...oh, what am I not weekend worthy? That's okay, I want you to know my tongue works better on weekends.
Well we have a date for Friday night. Tonight I sat on the phone with him and we talked about what we like sexually. I explained how I was 39 and asexual and how I found myself and have been enjoying life and sex. "He asked about men I have been with and I said what do you think? He said you are oozing with sexuality in a scary way. Innocent yet so sensual....I laughed. He asked me about past lovers, I told him there were a few. He asked about a special one and I said yes. I told him about this guy who I connected with sexually. That I really enjoyed every minute with him. That we just fit right. Of course I said it was over for awhile but the memories and flashbacks were still super hot and I never regretted one minute.
We began to talk about sex..yes, I was getting so turned on. I told him about how I loved sucking cock and I asked him to explain his to me. I asked hin what turned him on in bed and we just explained to each other what turned each other on. He finally said, Cheri, I got a hard on here that is no going away. Man, your voice is so damn sexy, I have to tell you how I want to jump you right now. Innocently, I teased him more. Oh my, you mean you are thinking about thrusting ur cock inside of me?! All I could hear is a moan...lol Oh this is going to be fun. I am glad that I finally found someone who makes me laugh, giggle and turns me on.
Honestly, I could have seen Mr. Security this week. I chose not to. Weirdly, he doesn't do it for me like he used to. He's been chasing me a lot more these days. He was in the dentists office the other day and his daughter was looking in a magazine and said...daddy, isn't this your friend Cheri? He looked at the picture and said he almost died. It looked just like me. It actually was a picture of Anna Nicole Smith. Honestly, I have heard that many times before...pretty funny. Hope my life doesn't go down that same path though. Anyway, ever since that day, he has been calling me daily. Hahaha
So who knows. My body seemed to wake up again today. That inner excitement in my heart has woken up. Will it last? I do not know. but I do know that I love the feeling of coming alive. I also know this is the first guy in a long time I can imagine throwing up against a wall and going wild with. And the first one to motivate me to start stretching out tonight. I think flexibility is going to be needed once again.....real soon...
A month ago, he sent me a note to say hi. He adjusted his profile a little and I laughed. then we started talking...I liked him but how could I like a pompous ass like this? well his new profile was mellowed down. And we spoke on the phone and he was funny, fun and well, we all know with such a pompous attitude--he is super hot. Anyway, he wanted to meet. I told him I am not the usual anorexic bitches you are used to going out with so I will meet you but we ain't a match. Think of it as a fun drink. Fine, he said. Buddies. I said great.
So we went out and well the drink turned to dinner and the dinner turned to us massaging each other in the booth and well....it was friends but getting quite touchy. He walked me to my car and hugged me and then leaned over and we kissed. I can't believe I just kissed you...he said. And I turned to him and whispered in his ear.... You did!!! and laughed and jumped into my car.
Things have been heating up with us. And honestly, he has been super funny and I look forward to hearing from him. we made a date for Wednesday and he cancelled...jokingly I had said to him...oh, what am I not weekend worthy? That's okay, I want you to know my tongue works better on weekends.
Well we have a date for Friday night. Tonight I sat on the phone with him and we talked about what we like sexually. I explained how I was 39 and asexual and how I found myself and have been enjoying life and sex. "He asked about men I have been with and I said what do you think? He said you are oozing with sexuality in a scary way. Innocent yet so sensual....I laughed. He asked me about past lovers, I told him there were a few. He asked about a special one and I said yes. I told him about this guy who I connected with sexually. That I really enjoyed every minute with him. That we just fit right. Of course I said it was over for awhile but the memories and flashbacks were still super hot and I never regretted one minute.
We began to talk about sex..yes, I was getting so turned on. I told him about how I loved sucking cock and I asked him to explain his to me. I asked hin what turned him on in bed and we just explained to each other what turned each other on. He finally said, Cheri, I got a hard on here that is no going away. Man, your voice is so damn sexy, I have to tell you how I want to jump you right now. Innocently, I teased him more. Oh my, you mean you are thinking about thrusting ur cock inside of me?! All I could hear is a moan...lol Oh this is going to be fun. I am glad that I finally found someone who makes me laugh, giggle and turns me on.
Honestly, I could have seen Mr. Security this week. I chose not to. Weirdly, he doesn't do it for me like he used to. He's been chasing me a lot more these days. He was in the dentists office the other day and his daughter was looking in a magazine and said...daddy, isn't this your friend Cheri? He looked at the picture and said he almost died. It looked just like me. It actually was a picture of Anna Nicole Smith. Honestly, I have heard that many times before...pretty funny. Hope my life doesn't go down that same path though. Anyway, ever since that day, he has been calling me daily. Hahaha
So who knows. My body seemed to wake up again today. That inner excitement in my heart has woken up. Will it last? I do not know. but I do know that I love the feeling of coming alive. I also know this is the first guy in a long time I can imagine throwing up against a wall and going wild with. And the first one to motivate me to start stretching out tonight. I think flexibility is going to be needed once again.....real soon...
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men
Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.
Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.
Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.
Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!
Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....
Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!
So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)
Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.
Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.
Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!
Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....
Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!
So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)
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