Aaah..the words of MM......I thoroughly enjoyed you today, you certainly out did yourself!!
So what was different? I let go totally. I didn't let my fear that this was it take a roll this time. I didn't let my real world barge in...I was truly in paradise and loving every second...
I am a lucky woman. I have MM and Mr. Porsche...two men who just give me so much. I can't ask for more. The combination of the two is one perfect man!!
I thought nothing could break my high. And then I went to the therapist with my son. I tried to be diplomatic and say that he can do anything he wants, that he's smart and really just doesn't try sometimes. He came back with some really hurtful things...I was devastated. He says I am always working and never listen to him. That I don't help him with school work. I was crushed. I ask him every night and he tells me he did his homework. I am always working.....does he think I want to work like this? The tears filled my eyes and quite frankly my first reaction was okay, I suck as a parent. I am done. I am packing up and leaving...I can't do this anymore. but I kept my cool the whole way home and then went to the drugstore and walked around and cried by myself. He's not stupid, he knew what would hurt and he went for all the things that would REALLY hurt me.
An the therapist sat there and was like....ok, so if you talk to your mom before 6-9:30, she will listen. And he called that progress. Wait, he's cleaning his closet this weekend. Waste of Time he said when he walked out. And all i could think was, well you didn't waste time to crush me and kill my great mood. And I wanted kids so badly because.........?
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Package Paradise and Make Millions
Yes, what I wish I could....package this euphoria that I felt today along with this lingering feeling and I would make millions. EVERYONE in the world should experience how I felt today....during and after our meeting.
Now Mystery Man and I have been meeting for over a year and it is always mindblowing sex. Today it was mindblowing sex, familiarity, laughing and comfort. I can't even put it into words. It was everything I have ever wanted....as I laid in his arms, after three sessions of sex...I thought, there is no place or no one in the world I would rather be with right now than him. Okay, maybe with him, like this overlookig the ocean. But honestly, I felt so at peace, like I was floating but I was so there. Usually I am 500 miles away or hours ahead of myself in life. But when i am with him, I am no where else but with him. In the Moment...a rare thing for me.
The sex was ....I can't even find words. He has that way of making me almost cum and then pulling away...he did that three times today..exactly at the right moment...he finally allowed me to cum as he was fingering and nibbling on my clit. Then once you get me to cum these days...I get so into it. I came again while we were 69ing....again when he was fucking me from behind and again while he had my legs over my head. He came twice today....we must have done a dozen or more positions...he was wild today.
Three hours of paradise. Me screaming at one point, then I remember saying harder, harder...deeper...fuck me harder...and he obliged. The frog...I love that frog position and he even ribbits for me (okay,it definitely is a joke between us but if he only knew the depth of it).
OH! Then I had to try that deep throat trick. Honey, that girl has no gag reflexes...I finally am really great at deep throating..he moans and loves it. But try and take your tongue back and lick his balls...well, that makes the gag reflex really go..I tried and tried..he said it was amazing and he was so into it that I was even trying to do it. It's going to take a lot of practice. Later on, I decided, I am going to cheat....when he is half hard..I am going to go down and do that deep throat ball licking. And I did!! He started laughing and said "you are cheating"..well we both started to laugh out of control..he knows exactly what is going on in my head. He did say, I don't know why or how you came by that video or any of the other stuff you come by...but I am not complaining. My response was I bet your imagination is better than the real thing! He would kill me if he knew about this blog.
And ladies and gentleman...the highlight....I finally did it on top...yes, I was able to do it. It took us to a new level...a little scary. We were working in synch when I got it (I had to reposition my legs). He had this grin on his face..I knew he was happy and then I started to kiss him with passion like I never have as I rode him. The passion and emotion was more intense than I had ever felt...I totally let myself go...I let myself fly high.....and kissed him like I have never kissed anyone before....he felt it...as he gyrated his hips more. We were in harmony..we were one. And my comfort level was so high...for a moment, I felt I was in love with him. In love with a man that I don't know. Actually, I am in love with how he makes me feel and what he does to me. I am in love wtih him behind those walls. In our own private world....
Both times that he came, I was in the clouds. Orgasm after orgasm....I could barely crawl up the bed to the pillow...he was giggling. The sweat was pouring from us, it was like an aftershock...but quite an amazing one.
So the sex was mindblowing as usual. Even hit another level. Well then the laughing. We laughed and laughed...warped joke after warped joke. I mean who walks into their paradise with Screwby Dooby Doo on the tv! We joked about doing a porno movie and wearing Scooby Dooby Doo Masks. We howled at Judge Mathis and watching the news, the reporter reported that they helped this bear out of a tree...(scene showing them shooting the bear with a tranquilizer gun and then him laying out cold on the ground). Nice Help.I said....we both started to die laughing. Off on tangents..let me shoot you inthe head and help you with that migraine.
Then we got onto road signs for my hole (I dom't remember how).....Slippery when wet, HOV Lane, Two way street....it was you had to be there humor. A joke about a man with his wife's name on it...(which I will tell you tomorrow), my lying about spritzing perfume last time and so many other things. we ate lunch (he brings our favorite sandwiches) and the constant caring kisses....cuddling, holding and amazing sex......I can suck on his cock for hours....
So, today...it was a combination of everything. I needed the paradise, left any guilt at the door and enjoyed every second. And now, I don't want this feeling to ever end. I mean I am floating on a cloud. Everyone in the world deserves this feeling. Tomorrow it is back to reality...but this is a memory that I can't even begin to describe what I feel. I wish I could bottle it! May you all have this feeling, you deserve it!!
Now Mystery Man and I have been meeting for over a year and it is always mindblowing sex. Today it was mindblowing sex, familiarity, laughing and comfort. I can't even put it into words. It was everything I have ever wanted....as I laid in his arms, after three sessions of sex...I thought, there is no place or no one in the world I would rather be with right now than him. Okay, maybe with him, like this overlookig the ocean. But honestly, I felt so at peace, like I was floating but I was so there. Usually I am 500 miles away or hours ahead of myself in life. But when i am with him, I am no where else but with him. In the Moment...a rare thing for me.
The sex was ....I can't even find words. He has that way of making me almost cum and then pulling away...he did that three times today..exactly at the right moment...he finally allowed me to cum as he was fingering and nibbling on my clit. Then once you get me to cum these days...I get so into it. I came again while we were 69ing....again when he was fucking me from behind and again while he had my legs over my head. He came twice today....we must have done a dozen or more positions...he was wild today.
Three hours of paradise. Me screaming at one point, then I remember saying harder, harder...deeper...fuck me harder...and he obliged. The frog...I love that frog position and he even ribbits for me (okay,it definitely is a joke between us but if he only knew the depth of it).
OH! Then I had to try that deep throat trick. Honey, that girl has no gag reflexes...I finally am really great at deep throating..he moans and loves it. But try and take your tongue back and lick his balls...well, that makes the gag reflex really go..I tried and tried..he said it was amazing and he was so into it that I was even trying to do it. It's going to take a lot of practice. Later on, I decided, I am going to cheat....when he is half hard..I am going to go down and do that deep throat ball licking. And I did!! He started laughing and said "you are cheating"..well we both started to laugh out of control..he knows exactly what is going on in my head. He did say, I don't know why or how you came by that video or any of the other stuff you come by...but I am not complaining. My response was I bet your imagination is better than the real thing! He would kill me if he knew about this blog.
And ladies and gentleman...the highlight....I finally did it on top...yes, I was able to do it. It took us to a new level...a little scary. We were working in synch when I got it (I had to reposition my legs). He had this grin on his face..I knew he was happy and then I started to kiss him with passion like I never have as I rode him. The passion and emotion was more intense than I had ever felt...I totally let myself go...I let myself fly high.....and kissed him like I have never kissed anyone before....he felt it...as he gyrated his hips more. We were in harmony..we were one. And my comfort level was so high...for a moment, I felt I was in love with him. In love with a man that I don't know. Actually, I am in love with how he makes me feel and what he does to me. I am in love wtih him behind those walls. In our own private world....
Both times that he came, I was in the clouds. Orgasm after orgasm....I could barely crawl up the bed to the pillow...he was giggling. The sweat was pouring from us, it was like an aftershock...but quite an amazing one.
So the sex was mindblowing as usual. Even hit another level. Well then the laughing. We laughed and laughed...warped joke after warped joke. I mean who walks into their paradise with Screwby Dooby Doo on the tv! We joked about doing a porno movie and wearing Scooby Dooby Doo Masks. We howled at Judge Mathis and watching the news, the reporter reported that they helped this bear out of a tree...(scene showing them shooting the bear with a tranquilizer gun and then him laying out cold on the ground). Nice Help.I said....we both started to die laughing. Off on tangents..let me shoot you inthe head and help you with that migraine.
Then we got onto road signs for my hole (I dom't remember how).....Slippery when wet, HOV Lane, Two way street....it was you had to be there humor. A joke about a man with his wife's name on it...(which I will tell you tomorrow), my lying about spritzing perfume last time and so many other things. we ate lunch (he brings our favorite sandwiches) and the constant caring kisses....cuddling, holding and amazing sex......I can suck on his cock for hours....
So, today...it was a combination of everything. I needed the paradise, left any guilt at the door and enjoyed every second. And now, I don't want this feeling to ever end. I mean I am floating on a cloud. Everyone in the world deserves this feeling. Tomorrow it is back to reality...but this is a memory that I can't even begin to describe what I feel. I wish I could bottle it! May you all have this feeling, you deserve it!!
The Best Ever
Just when I thought that the sex was mindblowing and couldn't get better....today was amazing. I mean 3 hours of total amazement. Between the sex and the laughing and the talking....it was the ultimate. I will give details.....let's just say, I had to pull over at a Starbucks and park in the parking lot because I couldn't function. My body was so relaxed, my head was in the clouds. I had to come down a little..did you ever have that happen to you?! Oh my, I wish I could feel like this all the time. Basically I laid in his arms and said 'there is no better place than I could want to be then right here' and I meant it. Okay, I have to close my eyes...I am going upstairs to read a little. I just want to keep this feeling alive....WOW! OH...as if you didn't know...I met Mystery Man!
Monday, May 26, 2008
Gardening Takes On A Whole New Meaning!!
Would you ever imagine my weekend gardening would get me soo turned on....my emails back and forth with MM.....damn this guy just gets me wet when we email about gardening!!
ME:
You notice everything...i was so shocked by her performance (which I went back and watched it twice to hear what she said and see her special impressive technique..lmao)... except for one thing..... you know how much I love sucking your cock....I don't ask...I tell you how much i enjoy licking and sucking you.....mmmmmmmmm........
So, the tongue technique......geez.....I am going to need a lot of lips on practice to achieve such a performance. You might have to increase our sessions.......this is going to take some serious practice sessions.....
And baby, I don't know what it is about you...but you bring out the naughty girl in me. To the rest of the world, i am a sweet and innocent, hard working woman who would NEVER even think of such naughty things. With you, there seems to be no end to my sexual desire.....like right now, I am getting all wet and would love for you to fuck me as I am pulling out the weeds in my garden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MysteryMan:
Mmmmmm my weed wacker is getting hard thinking about it. I guess I'll also have to mow your lawn, deflower your garden, prune your bush and plant my bulbs in your hole.
ME:
WACKER?!?!?LMFAO.......cum here and wack some weeds baby!!! You may prune my bush, definitely plant your bulbs in my holes but don't be deflowering my garden!!!!
Just got out of the bath.....I am soooooooo relaxed.....my body aching from bending over all days....you know grabbing that weed wacker and just going wild!! Thrusting that hoe into the ground....
Actually, I do this every year.....determined to plant flowers and vegetables......work my butt off, annoyed that I forget to water and then the squirrels get them. For 29 cents a pound i can buy tomatoes......but I am determined this year.....to tame that backyard and trim the bushes...lol For some reason my gardening will never be the same again....I will be giggling with every bush trim and weed wacker attack!!! lol
So when can I see you and have my way with that weed wacker of yours?
ME:
You notice everything...i was so shocked by her performance (which I went back and watched it twice to hear what she said and see her special impressive technique..lmao)... except for one thing..... you know how much I love sucking your cock....I don't ask...I tell you how much i enjoy licking and sucking you.....mmmmmmmmm........
So, the tongue technique......geez.....I am going to need a lot of lips on practice to achieve such a performance. You might have to increase our sessions.......this is going to take some serious practice sessions.....
And baby, I don't know what it is about you...but you bring out the naughty girl in me. To the rest of the world, i am a sweet and innocent, hard working woman who would NEVER even think of such naughty things. With you, there seems to be no end to my sexual desire.....like right now, I am getting all wet and would love for you to fuck me as I am pulling out the weeds in my garden!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MysteryMan:
Mmmmmm my weed wacker is getting hard thinking about it. I guess I'll also have to mow your lawn, deflower your garden, prune your bush and plant my bulbs in your hole.
ME:
WACKER?!?!?LMFAO.......cum here and wack some weeds baby!!! You may prune my bush, definitely plant your bulbs in my holes but don't be deflowering my garden!!!!
Just got out of the bath.....I am soooooooo relaxed.....my body aching from bending over all days....you know grabbing that weed wacker and just going wild!! Thrusting that hoe into the ground....
Actually, I do this every year.....determined to plant flowers and vegetables......work my butt off, annoyed that I forget to water and then the squirrels get them. For 29 cents a pound i can buy tomatoes......but I am determined this year.....to tame that backyard and trim the bushes...lol For some reason my gardening will never be the same again....I will be giggling with every bush trim and weed wacker attack!!! lol
So when can I see you and have my way with that weed wacker of yours?
Saturday, May 24, 2008
They Don't Know...
Rosie had a really good point in her last comment. While my frogs always brought me joy..there is just so much going on.....the friction is falling on them as well. Truth is, my worlds were very separate. It has always been like I am two different people. And now, since I announced I wanted a divorce and I can feel the freedom knocking on my door....my secret world may become my real world. Does that make sense? I guess I was ignored for so many years that the idea that he is paying attention and noticing things is weird. I feel like I am on constant guard all the time these days. Its uncomfortable.
So a quick update...Mr. Porsche actually called before and apologized. He said that he realized it was his fault. what was nice was that he knew why I was upset before I told him and he apologized. I felt a million times better.
Today Mr. Porsche sent me a video of this woman giving a guy a bj. i am talking a major deep throat. Now here's the deal....the guys cock is like the biggest I've ever seen. I am amazed at her talents. The girl has to have no gag reflex....I mean, she is able to deep throat him and this guy is huge. quite amazing. I couldn't figure out how to load the video (sorry). She has a site... http://www.ideepthroat.com/ (did you expect anything else). But the video isnt there....but you can see some of her talents for free. Quite amazing..
A little tacky but I had to send it to mystery man. We discuss it so much and he would appreciate her talents. so I sent it even though I was a little embarrassed. His reaction.....she ssays what I say 'I love sucking your cock'.....I hadn't noticed but he did. then he said that there was a technique that she did where she's able to lick his balls while his whole cock was in her mouth. That he wants me to try that.... he also was turned on that I sent him the video...you are such a naughty girl.....Mmmmmm......he said. I can't wait to have you practice with me!!
Sigh.....I am a lucky lady. I have two men who totally please me in so many ways. Now if I can pay the bills.....straighten the kids out....life will be great.
Mentally, I admit it, I was spiraling for a few days. However, today I stayed in bed. Then I took a long bath and steam shower. And my childhood friend called me. Nothing is like your best friend from childhood coming to your rescue. I have two best friends from when I was in Kindergarten. Well, my partner in boy loving is coming over. We were crazy when we were younger. well, she heard me today and she said...that's it. I am coming over tomorrow...(we havent' gotten together in over a year) and we are going to drink, eat and laugh....I can't wait..like when we were kids. It made me soooo happy. I can't wait to see her.
So a quick update...Mr. Porsche actually called before and apologized. He said that he realized it was his fault. what was nice was that he knew why I was upset before I told him and he apologized. I felt a million times better.
Today Mr. Porsche sent me a video of this woman giving a guy a bj. i am talking a major deep throat. Now here's the deal....the guys cock is like the biggest I've ever seen. I am amazed at her talents. The girl has to have no gag reflex....I mean, she is able to deep throat him and this guy is huge. quite amazing. I couldn't figure out how to load the video (sorry). She has a site... http://www.ideepthroat.com/ (did you expect anything else). But the video isnt there....but you can see some of her talents for free. Quite amazing..
A little tacky but I had to send it to mystery man. We discuss it so much and he would appreciate her talents. so I sent it even though I was a little embarrassed. His reaction.....she ssays what I say 'I love sucking your cock'.....I hadn't noticed but he did. then he said that there was a technique that she did where she's able to lick his balls while his whole cock was in her mouth. That he wants me to try that.... he also was turned on that I sent him the video...you are such a naughty girl.....Mmmmmm......he said. I can't wait to have you practice with me!!
Sigh.....I am a lucky lady. I have two men who totally please me in so many ways. Now if I can pay the bills.....straighten the kids out....life will be great.
Mentally, I admit it, I was spiraling for a few days. However, today I stayed in bed. Then I took a long bath and steam shower. And my childhood friend called me. Nothing is like your best friend from childhood coming to your rescue. I have two best friends from when I was in Kindergarten. Well, my partner in boy loving is coming over. We were crazy when we were younger. well, she heard me today and she said...that's it. I am coming over tomorrow...(we havent' gotten together in over a year) and we are going to drink, eat and laugh....I can't wait..like when we were kids. It made me soooo happy. I can't wait to see her.
Friday, May 23, 2008
Head Spinning
I am feeling so sorry for myself that quite frankly its pathetic. I am annoyed that I am succumbing to self pity. I am finding that being a mom and working is becoming so difficult these days. Each of my children have another issue......and quite frankly, its enough already. At 2AM, one child who is sleeping at a friends house is calling that this rash is getting really bad (yes, the rash that he refused to miss his sports for me to take him to the doctor). At 5AM, another child with Hyperactivity is running around the house destroying things. Her goal, is to get under your skin...knowing exactly how to get to me....throwing coffee all over the floor, dog food around the house and banging on my computer keys messing up my work. Yes, that was my morning.....I truly want to escape.....and I feel so upset about it. I've never been tired of being a mother until the last two weeks.
Subject Change:
Mystery Man (surprisingly) has been the support this week. He has been sending me little notes to make me laugh and give me support. I never let him know when I am having a bad day so i guess when he got the sense it was pretty bad....he started sending me hysterical notes. I had written a story about daydreaming about him. He had answered with this hysterical continuation to the story. did I tell you about the 75 year old couple that was shacking up at the motel when we were there? Oh man, my next post.....I can't help but laugh but I will have to tell you. Anyway, he incorporated that into his email to make me laugh hysterical...tears......
And then Mr. Porsche.....we had our first real fight yesterday. And he fights dirty. I tossed and turned all night and actually said nothing to anyone all night. I was so hurt and until 5 minutes ago I couldn't figure out exactly why. I think I made a mistake. Thinking we could mix business and pleasure and we can't. He called me yesterday, my staff wants this can you put it up. Hmmm.....I have been asking him to sit with me and do this work....I can't make up what his company does, he has to tell me. He won't give me the time but now he wants it up. I was pissed. I;ve been harrassing him to take 15 minutes...so I got a little bitchy. His response..."well if you can't do it, give me the number of someone who can." He didn't mean it...he was lashing out at me but he knows a client said that to me once (also an empty threat) and it devastated me. I am soooooo hurt right now. I have been working on his project all day but I am so hurt. I am seriously thinking of not working with him anymore.
He called today and he laughed and said stop it..you are being so damn sensitive......but I take my work so seriously. I pride myself on my professionalism.....and perfection i guess. I am still so hurt and can't let it go. Not sure if I should tell him exactly why I am upset (I didn't tell him about how much the empty threat hurt) but I think I am going to finish this project and tell him
I do not want to do the other stuff.
sigh.....where the fuck is my Married Prince Charming?!??!!! or any Prince Charming....I think I have had enough.....
Subject Change:
Mystery Man (surprisingly) has been the support this week. He has been sending me little notes to make me laugh and give me support. I never let him know when I am having a bad day so i guess when he got the sense it was pretty bad....he started sending me hysterical notes. I had written a story about daydreaming about him. He had answered with this hysterical continuation to the story. did I tell you about the 75 year old couple that was shacking up at the motel when we were there? Oh man, my next post.....I can't help but laugh but I will have to tell you. Anyway, he incorporated that into his email to make me laugh hysterical...tears......
And then Mr. Porsche.....we had our first real fight yesterday. And he fights dirty. I tossed and turned all night and actually said nothing to anyone all night. I was so hurt and until 5 minutes ago I couldn't figure out exactly why. I think I made a mistake. Thinking we could mix business and pleasure and we can't. He called me yesterday, my staff wants this can you put it up. Hmmm.....I have been asking him to sit with me and do this work....I can't make up what his company does, he has to tell me. He won't give me the time but now he wants it up. I was pissed. I;ve been harrassing him to take 15 minutes...so I got a little bitchy. His response..."well if you can't do it, give me the number of someone who can." He didn't mean it...he was lashing out at me but he knows a client said that to me once (also an empty threat) and it devastated me. I am soooooo hurt right now. I have been working on his project all day but I am so hurt. I am seriously thinking of not working with him anymore.
He called today and he laughed and said stop it..you are being so damn sensitive......but I take my work so seriously. I pride myself on my professionalism.....and perfection i guess. I am still so hurt and can't let it go. Not sure if I should tell him exactly why I am upset (I didn't tell him about how much the empty threat hurt) but I think I am going to finish this project and tell him
I do not want to do the other stuff.
sigh.....where the fuck is my Married Prince Charming?!??!!! or any Prince Charming....I think I have had enough.....
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
New York Magazine Discusses Extramarital Affairs
I have a friend who lives in New York City. Yes, she knows about my secret life. We grew up as best friends and ironically, we turned out sooo different. She has never married, hangs out with the stars and clubs and lives what an extravagant life. Even single, she is with one man at a time. she is amused by my life......laughing that my sex life is probably better than hers.
She called to tell me that the front page of New York Magazine was about the Secret Lives of Married Men. Oh no! Is our secret world being discovered? I quickly ran to the article....aaahh...no mention of Ashley Madison Agency. The article is more a philosophical article on cheating...not a list of places to cheat. So, if you'd like to read that men and women cheat and some of the background on it..here's the article. Frankly, I think he missed the real meat and potatoes of secret affairs. I had been hoping it would have been a little juicer!
New York Magazine
She called to tell me that the front page of New York Magazine was about the Secret Lives of Married Men. Oh no! Is our secret world being discovered? I quickly ran to the article....aaahh...no mention of Ashley Madison Agency. The article is more a philosophical article on cheating...not a list of places to cheat. So, if you'd like to read that men and women cheat and some of the background on it..here's the article. Frankly, I think he missed the real meat and potatoes of secret affairs. I had been hoping it would have been a little juicer!
New York Magazine
A New Day
Thankfully, i have the attitude of a new day will bring a new beginning!
And....here is the new day!
I am trying to be positive......I find my self sinking though.....I want to run away. Not like me..but I think I am overwhelmed and sadly, depressed. I find myself just wanting to crawl back in bed and sleep the days away. the only place that I can find peace. Do I need a vacation? I definitely think I do. I need to get away from it all, maybe get a better insight into my life.
For a long time, my secret life was my escape. It still is but I want the two worlds to merge now. I don't want my life like it is anymore. I thought about packing up and moving yesterday (with the children of course). Downsize the house.....start over. Not realistic but I am feeling so trapped again. Damn finances.
I am a smart girl. I am a smart business woman. So why the fuck can't I make a living out of it? I guess I am annoyed because my company hired this person to do consulting. She is getting paid the big bucks....major. And, guess what.....1/2 of what her initial work is...is what I have done for the company already. She was repeating my work and getting paid big bucks to do it. PLEASE!! The manager doesn't realize it...I have a call in. but frustrates me beyond belief. They can't open their pockets for me but for her......they are paying her 6 times as much as me.....
It's time to re-evaluate my life....I need to start spreading my wings.
And....here is the new day!
I am trying to be positive......I find my self sinking though.....I want to run away. Not like me..but I think I am overwhelmed and sadly, depressed. I find myself just wanting to crawl back in bed and sleep the days away. the only place that I can find peace. Do I need a vacation? I definitely think I do. I need to get away from it all, maybe get a better insight into my life.
For a long time, my secret life was my escape. It still is but I want the two worlds to merge now. I don't want my life like it is anymore. I thought about packing up and moving yesterday (with the children of course). Downsize the house.....start over. Not realistic but I am feeling so trapped again. Damn finances.
I am a smart girl. I am a smart business woman. So why the fuck can't I make a living out of it? I guess I am annoyed because my company hired this person to do consulting. She is getting paid the big bucks....major. And, guess what.....1/2 of what her initial work is...is what I have done for the company already. She was repeating my work and getting paid big bucks to do it. PLEASE!! The manager doesn't realize it...I have a call in. but frustrates me beyond belief. They can't open their pockets for me but for her......they are paying her 6 times as much as me.....
It's time to re-evaluate my life....I need to start spreading my wings.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
One Step Forward...Six Steps Back
Yes, I can say I had it today. Insurance which I thought was going to cost $600 is costing $1200. Why work? It's gotten to the point where I just don't see the two ends meeting. Just when I think there is hope...there is a setback. I am seriously considering a new job. I like being my own boss, I like the freedom but a 9-5 with insurance may be something I have to consider. I have so many great ideas to make money...but it is just me...it sucks.
Okay, i am off to sleep...actually threw myself in bed when I got home. One of those, stay under the cover days. didn't even take mr. Porsche's call or answer Mystery Man's email. Ended up today on a personals site (looking for a single friend)..turned out its another meat market....I got caught up in writing these guys and then said..what am I doing?!?!?
Okay, I admit it. I think I am PMSing big time.......
Mr. electic's wife served him divorce papers today. They were brutal. She didn't even go to a lawyer...she went to a judge. Now here is scary, she raided his email, phone and a couple of other places. The emails and phone numbers were entered into the court documents.....yikes! Thankfully, I was not part of that. We have always been more like friends (with a little intimacy).....but he had been busy with a lot of girls and was discussing going to St. Thomas with one. Yes, those emails were in the court papers along with explicit writings....She's suing for $6,000 a month. I almost choked....I would be lucky if I got $700 a month from my husband. How depressing, I can't even afford a divorce......
Okay I vented....tomorrow is a new day....better be better than this fucking one!
Okay, i am off to sleep...actually threw myself in bed when I got home. One of those, stay under the cover days. didn't even take mr. Porsche's call or answer Mystery Man's email. Ended up today on a personals site (looking for a single friend)..turned out its another meat market....I got caught up in writing these guys and then said..what am I doing?!?!?
Okay, I admit it. I think I am PMSing big time.......
Mr. electic's wife served him divorce papers today. They were brutal. She didn't even go to a lawyer...she went to a judge. Now here is scary, she raided his email, phone and a couple of other places. The emails and phone numbers were entered into the court documents.....yikes! Thankfully, I was not part of that. We have always been more like friends (with a little intimacy).....but he had been busy with a lot of girls and was discussing going to St. Thomas with one. Yes, those emails were in the court papers along with explicit writings....She's suing for $6,000 a month. I almost choked....I would be lucky if I got $700 a month from my husband. How depressing, I can't even afford a divorce......
Okay I vented....tomorrow is a new day....better be better than this fucking one!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Change.
A simple word with so many feelings attached to it. Talk about word association. Did you ever notice words bring an emotion with them? I desperately need change. I also need some solitude and a vacation. The hubby is doing well actually in that area. I seem to be the one in a funk. He lost weight, started to exercise, got a job, better attitude....he needed me to tell him I am divorcing him. I think it shocked him into change. And I am glad. So am I having a change in heart? No. I am not in love with him. I do hope we can find a way to be friends. I still don't think he gets it....he keeps saying things like we need to do this iin the house etc.etc. (long term things)
I have been feeling like Cinderella more lately. I spend the weekends in the house cleaning every weekend. I am jealous in a way that he gets to start over when the marriage is done. That he gets the true freedom. Hence, I need a vacation. I love my kids dearly but haven't been away from them in years (I mean that....one day here and there but that is it..finances have been too tight). I look forward to the week of work and play. first thing on the list, i need a cleaning lady....
Romance? Horny? Too tired this morning although with that thought it might be a nice way to awake my body by masturbating before work. It will give me the opportunity to truly focus....I feel alive after......relief and contentment.
Talk about contentment....MM sent me a nice note over the weekend. What a funny afternoon we had (and his toe was healing). Once again I stabbed him with my heal while we were fucking from behind.....well, I can't see where I am going...if I am slipping and I move my leg.....i am bent over the bed...what does he expect? he's the one who likes to fuck me with those killer 6 inch heels...there is some risk of injury you have to expect....hehehhe
Have a great day!!
A simple word with so many feelings attached to it. Talk about word association. Did you ever notice words bring an emotion with them? I desperately need change. I also need some solitude and a vacation. The hubby is doing well actually in that area. I seem to be the one in a funk. He lost weight, started to exercise, got a job, better attitude....he needed me to tell him I am divorcing him. I think it shocked him into change. And I am glad. So am I having a change in heart? No. I am not in love with him. I do hope we can find a way to be friends. I still don't think he gets it....he keeps saying things like we need to do this iin the house etc.etc. (long term things)
I have been feeling like Cinderella more lately. I spend the weekends in the house cleaning every weekend. I am jealous in a way that he gets to start over when the marriage is done. That he gets the true freedom. Hence, I need a vacation. I love my kids dearly but haven't been away from them in years (I mean that....one day here and there but that is it..finances have been too tight). I look forward to the week of work and play. first thing on the list, i need a cleaning lady....
Romance? Horny? Too tired this morning although with that thought it might be a nice way to awake my body by masturbating before work. It will give me the opportunity to truly focus....I feel alive after......relief and contentment.
Talk about contentment....MM sent me a nice note over the weekend. What a funny afternoon we had (and his toe was healing). Once again I stabbed him with my heal while we were fucking from behind.....well, I can't see where I am going...if I am slipping and I move my leg.....i am bent over the bed...what does he expect? he's the one who likes to fuck me with those killer 6 inch heels...there is some risk of injury you have to expect....hehehhe
Have a great day!!
Friday, May 16, 2008
MYstery Man re-Appears
Well, Mystery Man appeared. He apologized for the miscommunication. He meant 12noon today. He had emailed me last night to apologize.
Of course, my thinking and my uneasiness.....well you know me, i can't let it go. I want to but I can't. So we met today and it was a weird meeting. Yes, we had mindblowing sex but only once.....I sucked on his cock a lot today. He asked me if I had been practicing because I am just getting better and better. deeper and deeper.....actually, i was pretty good today....I was able to continually get his entire cock into the back of my throat and not gag once.
We had lunch....we chatted a little about his work, about my work...and then we played a little but it was different today. i can't explain it. First we talked a lot. He kept saying only talk if you are going to moan, beg or talk dirty.....(he was joking).....he was telling me jokes.....he told me I was annoying today (and i was because he doesn't like to talk...he was half joking). Then I stepped on his toe, bit his ass...I was a PITA today....but he was giving it back fine. I said your being a dick, are you planning to take off again?
Go write more of your stories my dear......I froze. Oh, you don't think I know about your writing? I looked and laughed and said what are you talkin about? i giggled. Aaah yes...the nervous lying giggle....he said. Okay, truth is, if he knew about my blog....he would have said something from it. He would have given me a hint...Secret Lovers Lane...but he was testing me. I take the 5th...I said. He laughed. Oh my, does he know about my blog? now that would suck.
We were slow dancing and kissing when I blurted out..."I thought something happened to you. I was upset and then i realized I would never know. I would be furious with you and you would be dead." I guess he saw that I was sad and serious....you have my email..he said. Well, what good is that, if you don't answer and I don't know if you are dead or alive.... "i promise, if you email and I am not dead, I will respond. Even if I am furious or we are over...if I don't respond, I am dead'. It sounded so funny, i laughed and let it go. I know he runs with this conversation and he isn't willing to budge. But its hard....
He held me again....we kissed good by twice.....thank you for worrying about me..I mean that. And then he hugged me tight. "We hardly had sex today"..... "we laughed and had fun, is that bad? "he said. Actually its not.....'thank you for making me smile'.
So it was a weird day. in some ways we got closer. In others I still feel an uneasiness. But I am glad we were together today. He is a really great fuck!! OOOOOOOO!!!!!! I came so hard!! Geez, a dysfunctional relationship we have....but it feels so good sexually....
Of course, my thinking and my uneasiness.....well you know me, i can't let it go. I want to but I can't. So we met today and it was a weird meeting. Yes, we had mindblowing sex but only once.....I sucked on his cock a lot today. He asked me if I had been practicing because I am just getting better and better. deeper and deeper.....actually, i was pretty good today....I was able to continually get his entire cock into the back of my throat and not gag once.
We had lunch....we chatted a little about his work, about my work...and then we played a little but it was different today. i can't explain it. First we talked a lot. He kept saying only talk if you are going to moan, beg or talk dirty.....(he was joking).....he was telling me jokes.....he told me I was annoying today (and i was because he doesn't like to talk...he was half joking). Then I stepped on his toe, bit his ass...I was a PITA today....but he was giving it back fine. I said your being a dick, are you planning to take off again?
Go write more of your stories my dear......I froze. Oh, you don't think I know about your writing? I looked and laughed and said what are you talkin about? i giggled. Aaah yes...the nervous lying giggle....he said. Okay, truth is, if he knew about my blog....he would have said something from it. He would have given me a hint...Secret Lovers Lane...but he was testing me. I take the 5th...I said. He laughed. Oh my, does he know about my blog? now that would suck.
We were slow dancing and kissing when I blurted out..."I thought something happened to you. I was upset and then i realized I would never know. I would be furious with you and you would be dead." I guess he saw that I was sad and serious....you have my email..he said. Well, what good is that, if you don't answer and I don't know if you are dead or alive.... "i promise, if you email and I am not dead, I will respond. Even if I am furious or we are over...if I don't respond, I am dead'. It sounded so funny, i laughed and let it go. I know he runs with this conversation and he isn't willing to budge. But its hard....
He held me again....we kissed good by twice.....thank you for worrying about me..I mean that. And then he hugged me tight. "We hardly had sex today"..... "we laughed and had fun, is that bad? "he said. Actually its not.....'thank you for making me smile'.
So it was a weird day. in some ways we got closer. In others I still feel an uneasiness. But I am glad we were together today. He is a really great fuck!! OOOOOOOO!!!!!! I came so hard!! Geez, a dysfunctional relationship we have....but it feels so good sexually....
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Mystery Man Gone Again!!!!!!!????????!!!!!
There seems to be some people who trend a certain way. Mystery Man is one of them and I swear until a second ago, I didn't realize how exact it was. Mystery Man had emailed me that some business came up for Thursday (today) but he would call me at noon. If it didn't work out, we would meet on Friday. 12Noon comes and goes. He doesn't call. At 1, I called him, the phone was off. 2 I texted and then at 5, I called again.
It's not like him to make plans and then not even call. This is something new. A combination of fear that something happened to him and a combination of hear we go again...he's playing the old MIA after he promised he wouldn't. He had been slightly more cocky lately (same thing after he disappeared before). And what i just realized was that I couldn't make it on tuesday (same thing that happened. And remember he ran to Ashley. The day I said I couldn't make it Tuesday, he went on Ashley too).
So then it hit me. There is only one way I won't be upset right now and that is if he meant he would call me tomorrow at noon. But not to email me all day? Unless he was flying then there is no excuse. Truth is I am worried and realized that if something ever happened to him, I would never know. He would just fall off the face of the earth and I would never know what happened. IT's ironic that I expect it to happen....and honestly, I was okay with it. This time, its not a bad time to happen since Mr. Porsche and I are growing closer and things are getting even better between us. He truly cares about me. He cares about my situation and he knows everything about me. And, I know about him and his life and his work. Its healthier.
But I couldn't let go of the amazing sex. I have never had such mindblowing sex. So is he gone again? I am not sure. But unless I made the error and he meant tomorrow at noon. There really isn't any excuse. I am prepared that this may be the end. And sadly, the final end. I admit it, a combination of not knowing what to do about my son (he's out of control lately). And this with Mystery Man....I threw myself in bed for three hours today. Slightly depressed...and a wicked mood right now is an understatement.
Mr. Porsche is away on business and he called me. We just chat about life and so much, it truly great. Suprisingly, if I had to choose, he would be the choice. BUT...that sex....I have never had sex like that...I mean everytime we fuck it is mindblowing.
Okay, I am going to go to sleep. I am going to see what emails tomorrow may or may not bring. And this time, I have to be strong and accept the final end. I hate abrupt endings....the thing that freaks me out...is I never knew who he was. I have been tempted to run his license plate...but you have to have a good reason to do something like that.
It's not like him to make plans and then not even call. This is something new. A combination of fear that something happened to him and a combination of hear we go again...he's playing the old MIA after he promised he wouldn't. He had been slightly more cocky lately (same thing after he disappeared before). And what i just realized was that I couldn't make it on tuesday (same thing that happened. And remember he ran to Ashley. The day I said I couldn't make it Tuesday, he went on Ashley too).
So then it hit me. There is only one way I won't be upset right now and that is if he meant he would call me tomorrow at noon. But not to email me all day? Unless he was flying then there is no excuse. Truth is I am worried and realized that if something ever happened to him, I would never know. He would just fall off the face of the earth and I would never know what happened. IT's ironic that I expect it to happen....and honestly, I was okay with it. This time, its not a bad time to happen since Mr. Porsche and I are growing closer and things are getting even better between us. He truly cares about me. He cares about my situation and he knows everything about me. And, I know about him and his life and his work. Its healthier.
But I couldn't let go of the amazing sex. I have never had such mindblowing sex. So is he gone again? I am not sure. But unless I made the error and he meant tomorrow at noon. There really isn't any excuse. I am prepared that this may be the end. And sadly, the final end. I admit it, a combination of not knowing what to do about my son (he's out of control lately). And this with Mystery Man....I threw myself in bed for three hours today. Slightly depressed...and a wicked mood right now is an understatement.
Mr. Porsche is away on business and he called me. We just chat about life and so much, it truly great. Suprisingly, if I had to choose, he would be the choice. BUT...that sex....I have never had sex like that...I mean everytime we fuck it is mindblowing.
Okay, I am going to go to sleep. I am going to see what emails tomorrow may or may not bring. And this time, I have to be strong and accept the final end. I hate abrupt endings....the thing that freaks me out...is I never knew who he was. I have been tempted to run his license plate...but you have to have a good reason to do something like that.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Cheri Visits The Shrinky Dink
Tonight I was taking my child to a psychologist to discuss all the issues that he has (mainly the influence that his father has put on him). Just before the appointment, he coveniently got sick. I tried to get him to go...with little success. So since this is the same shrink i was suppose to go see foe marriage counseling, I decided to take my son's place. Give the shrink my perspective on the whole thing since he was seeing both my son and my husband. And quite frankly, I wanted him to stop putting these thoughts in my husband's head of winning me back.
I walked in and we started to talk. Yes, I talked and he listened. I basically laid it on the line for 45 minutes. The dysfunctional family dynamics. He interjected with some questions. So Doc, sum it up for me. And he responded....how long do you think you can go on like this? Not what I expected for him to say. Don't you think its time for your husband to come up to the plate. WOW! Finally, someone who gets it and can help him. Yes, I said. That's where you come in. I expected him to have more to say. He basically told me that I deserve happiness. Wow....I didn't expect that. I thought he was going to push for us to reconcile. And then he went on to say....i can see you've worked hard on yourself, your feelings and have dedicated yourself to your family. You didn't wake up overnight and come up with this. you've struggled internally and have worked this out within your head. With every question I have asked, you had an answer that was precise and demonstrated you have thought of all your options. My goal is to work on your child to see how we can help him and also work on your husband.
For you, you deserve to find happiness and you deserve their father to be responsible and share in the burden and in the raising and finances of the children.
So I left there relieved. Hopefully now understanding where I am coming from, he can help us all achi eve happiness. I told him my husband doesn't love me. He loves what I do. He loves the family dynamics but he's not in love with me as I am not with him. Basically, I wanted this man to stop telling him to try to win me over with notes and roses. It's giving me a migraine..I told him. And he understood that.
So in conclusion.....Cheri is not nuts! And thanks to this blog and all my friends here....I am actually in pretty good shape. If anyone ever wondered if a blog can help someone...I think mine is the perfect example of an online journal that helped me cope and be my own therapist with interjection from my friends with key advice. I guess I should send you all a $15 co-pay per constructive comment!! lol
I walked in and we started to talk. Yes, I talked and he listened. I basically laid it on the line for 45 minutes. The dysfunctional family dynamics. He interjected with some questions. So Doc, sum it up for me. And he responded....how long do you think you can go on like this? Not what I expected for him to say. Don't you think its time for your husband to come up to the plate. WOW! Finally, someone who gets it and can help him. Yes, I said. That's where you come in. I expected him to have more to say. He basically told me that I deserve happiness. Wow....I didn't expect that. I thought he was going to push for us to reconcile. And then he went on to say....i can see you've worked hard on yourself, your feelings and have dedicated yourself to your family. You didn't wake up overnight and come up with this. you've struggled internally and have worked this out within your head. With every question I have asked, you had an answer that was precise and demonstrated you have thought of all your options. My goal is to work on your child to see how we can help him and also work on your husband.
For you, you deserve to find happiness and you deserve their father to be responsible and share in the burden and in the raising and finances of the children.
So I left there relieved. Hopefully now understanding where I am coming from, he can help us all achi eve happiness. I told him my husband doesn't love me. He loves what I do. He loves the family dynamics but he's not in love with me as I am not with him. Basically, I wanted this man to stop telling him to try to win me over with notes and roses. It's giving me a migraine..I told him. And he understood that.
So in conclusion.....Cheri is not nuts! And thanks to this blog and all my friends here....I am actually in pretty good shape. If anyone ever wondered if a blog can help someone...I think mine is the perfect example of an online journal that helped me cope and be my own therapist with interjection from my friends with key advice. I guess I should send you all a $15 co-pay per constructive comment!! lol
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Almost Alone Again!
Well, I don't know how Mr. Porsche does it. The man amazes me. I mean he manages to get more done in a day then most people get done in a week. His meeting this morning ran really late. I figured we were done. I mean he was a state away and he was still healing from surgery a few days ago and flying out tomorrow. So, I understood but wasn't thrilled. It's as if I was on hold all day. I was doing some work but the not knowing was killing me. I felt in limbo.
At 2:30, he was still in another state. I had to be home by 6:00. He still said that he was trying and he would let me know..I was getting frustrated...so I blurted out.... no, I need to know NOW! I am floating around by the motel we go to . I need to know within a 1/2 hour. I am going to a Starbucks across the street from the hotel. I will wait there and do some work. When I hung up, I felt bad. I know he has a lot on his plate but I can't just wait like this.
A 1/2 hour passes and the phone rings. I'm sure he has to cancel and I would be disappointed but understand. I am stuck in traffic (great, I knew it) but he meant he was on his way to me and he got stuck in traffic not too far away. He must have realized how upset I was getting and he finished what he had to and he jumped in the car! YEAH!!!! We were meeting. do you want to meet at Starbucks or the hotel? It's your choice...I was being understanding to his needs. Later he told me, he was hoping that I would say the hotel. Of course I wanted the hotel but I was trying to be caring...funny how things can be miscommunicated....but he was fine with it when he realized later why I said what I said.
I finished my work.....closed the computer and the phone rang. It was him....oh well, this is never going to happen. I pick up.... Room 107. Holy shit! Did he fly?
It was a stressful day for him so all I wanted to do was relax him. Today was a different day than our past meetings. Usually it is hot, sexual, S&M spice to it..... today was more of a getaway day. a day for us to have sex, have orgasms, relax and just play and talk. It was the most enjoyable afternoon. I massaged him as he told me about his shitty day and then I sucked on his cock as he finished the story. He rolled me over and he wanted to make me cum. One rubber finger with nubs, a little oil, some rubbing, a finger up my ass....and I came in no time flat. My body just was craving an orgasm......I love that feeling as I am reaching that point of euphoria. I love to play with it so it will heighten, hold back a little...sometimes I lose it but then I get it back and the orgasm is even stronger.
He got off the bed and fucked me from behind. This man has length and girth. I could feel him going deep so damn deep....I was worried about his surgery....he didn't seem to care at that time. And then I played with his cock until he came. I was going to swallow but quite frankly I was amused and intrigued watching his cum spirt out. It reminded me of one of those fountains in the water parks where the water just randomly spirts out of the floor......the things that amuse me.
And then, both of us satisfied...we did something we rarily do....we just laid in each other arms and talked and cuddled. He was in a cuddly mood.....i was holding him close and lying on his chest and we just chatted about nothing and watched tv.....he wrapped my arms around him, and held my hand tight and spooned...he actually fell asleep for a 1/2 hour. I just laid there 1/2 watching tv and enjoying the connection, slightly dozing but afraid to fall asleep and lose track of the time.
We showered together and I love, absolutely love when he out of no where just goes to kiss me. He must have done it six times...it is so damn adorable. He has such a good heart. As we were leaving....oh, he wished me Happy Mothers Day about 3 times. He could tell mother's day was a disappointment for me (although I tried to make it like it was a nice day). Then he threw money in my bag, buy yourself something for Mothers Day from me. Porshe I feel like a prostitute, don't put money in my bag. No, go buy yourself something for mothers day from me. This man has a heart of gold and he's logical. I would want him to pick something out for me,he would rather me pick something out I like.
he called me from the car. thank you for a wonderful afternoon. And then we chatted and talked a little more. We are friends, we are lovers. I told him, you have a heart of gold. He giggled and said thank you. Today was worth waiting for......it took our friendship to another level.
At 2:30, he was still in another state. I had to be home by 6:00. He still said that he was trying and he would let me know..I was getting frustrated...so I blurted out.... no, I need to know NOW! I am floating around by the motel we go to . I need to know within a 1/2 hour. I am going to a Starbucks across the street from the hotel. I will wait there and do some work. When I hung up, I felt bad. I know he has a lot on his plate but I can't just wait like this.
A 1/2 hour passes and the phone rings. I'm sure he has to cancel and I would be disappointed but understand. I am stuck in traffic (great, I knew it) but he meant he was on his way to me and he got stuck in traffic not too far away. He must have realized how upset I was getting and he finished what he had to and he jumped in the car! YEAH!!!! We were meeting. do you want to meet at Starbucks or the hotel? It's your choice...I was being understanding to his needs. Later he told me, he was hoping that I would say the hotel. Of course I wanted the hotel but I was trying to be caring...funny how things can be miscommunicated....but he was fine with it when he realized later why I said what I said.
I finished my work.....closed the computer and the phone rang. It was him....oh well, this is never going to happen. I pick up.... Room 107. Holy shit! Did he fly?
It was a stressful day for him so all I wanted to do was relax him. Today was a different day than our past meetings. Usually it is hot, sexual, S&M spice to it..... today was more of a getaway day. a day for us to have sex, have orgasms, relax and just play and talk. It was the most enjoyable afternoon. I massaged him as he told me about his shitty day and then I sucked on his cock as he finished the story. He rolled me over and he wanted to make me cum. One rubber finger with nubs, a little oil, some rubbing, a finger up my ass....and I came in no time flat. My body just was craving an orgasm......I love that feeling as I am reaching that point of euphoria. I love to play with it so it will heighten, hold back a little...sometimes I lose it but then I get it back and the orgasm is even stronger.
He got off the bed and fucked me from behind. This man has length and girth. I could feel him going deep so damn deep....I was worried about his surgery....he didn't seem to care at that time. And then I played with his cock until he came. I was going to swallow but quite frankly I was amused and intrigued watching his cum spirt out. It reminded me of one of those fountains in the water parks where the water just randomly spirts out of the floor......the things that amuse me.
And then, both of us satisfied...we did something we rarily do....we just laid in each other arms and talked and cuddled. He was in a cuddly mood.....i was holding him close and lying on his chest and we just chatted about nothing and watched tv.....he wrapped my arms around him, and held my hand tight and spooned...he actually fell asleep for a 1/2 hour. I just laid there 1/2 watching tv and enjoying the connection, slightly dozing but afraid to fall asleep and lose track of the time.
We showered together and I love, absolutely love when he out of no where just goes to kiss me. He must have done it six times...it is so damn adorable. He has such a good heart. As we were leaving....oh, he wished me Happy Mothers Day about 3 times. He could tell mother's day was a disappointment for me (although I tried to make it like it was a nice day). Then he threw money in my bag, buy yourself something for Mothers Day from me. Porshe I feel like a prostitute, don't put money in my bag. No, go buy yourself something for mothers day from me. This man has a heart of gold and he's logical. I would want him to pick something out for me,he would rather me pick something out I like.
he called me from the car. thank you for a wonderful afternoon. And then we chatted and talked a little more. We are friends, we are lovers. I told him, you have a heart of gold. He giggled and said thank you. Today was worth waiting for......it took our friendship to another level.
Monday, May 12, 2008
How's Tuesday? both Lovers said.....
Oh yeah, talk about feast! Both MM and Porsche requested Tuesday as a meeting day. Now that was tough....Porsche is not even sure he can make it....but he's flying out for the week. And he asked first.
Yes, I did hear from MM after that post. What a funny guy.....his response was 'So what exactly are you saying?!! Looks like Thursday will be our day.....I hope. Plus quite frankly, that is my time off so I am more relaxed to spend the afternoon. And MM and I go 3 hours and its still not enough.
Sigh, I am horny tonight..I hope he can make it tomorrow. I fear the worse....Porsche can't make it and then either can MM. I will die of horniness. my lips will shrivel from the lack of sucking action.....they need that cock like collagen!! Okay, a little drama queen for the afternoon..now back to work!!
Got a funny story to tell you about Ashley Madison. Would you listen if I was doing an interview on the radio? hehehehe
Yes, I did hear from MM after that post. What a funny guy.....his response was 'So what exactly are you saying?!! Looks like Thursday will be our day.....I hope. Plus quite frankly, that is my time off so I am more relaxed to spend the afternoon. And MM and I go 3 hours and its still not enough.
Sigh, I am horny tonight..I hope he can make it tomorrow. I fear the worse....Porsche can't make it and then either can MM. I will die of horniness. my lips will shrivel from the lack of sucking action.....they need that cock like collagen!! Okay, a little drama queen for the afternoon..now back to work!!
Got a funny story to tell you about Ashley Madison. Would you listen if I was doing an interview on the radio? hehehehe
Her Lips Watering At the Thought of His Cock...
with her lips watering, she thinks about her lover. Flashback to his cock going so deep inside of her mouth...perfectly fitting to the back of her throat. A vision of him thrusting inside of her so deep...hitting the perfect spot and she parts her legs and sees his sexy smile. Wait.....she's standing at the end of the bed with one leg up and her lover is entering her from behind. But now, he has chosen anal......so tight....but she relaxes, knowing that once he enters, the feeling will be like no other....paradise.....desire. An afternoon with her lover leaves her fulfilled, content, without a care in the world......
Yes, she wonders, when will I see him again? She can feel the desire growing within her......her lips unconsciously watering with the thought of his sweet juices exploding in her mouth.......oh when will she be able to escape and visit paradise with him again?
So....I sent this to Mystery Man.....do you think I will get an email back? yes, he read a card I sent to him....but no response. I can feel my anticipation and nervousness growing....while my masturbation thoughts have been about Mr. Porsche.....I cannot help but desire Mystery Man. I can't masturbate thinking about him...its strange...yet, I daydream of our sex together and I salvate and get wet when I envision his cock.
Mr. Porsche...looks like he's flying out of town for business and won't be able to fit me in before.
so let's see....I have two lovers and I can't get laid? Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, she wonders, when will I see him again? She can feel the desire growing within her......her lips unconsciously watering with the thought of his sweet juices exploding in her mouth.......oh when will she be able to escape and visit paradise with him again?
So....I sent this to Mystery Man.....do you think I will get an email back? yes, he read a card I sent to him....but no response. I can feel my anticipation and nervousness growing....while my masturbation thoughts have been about Mr. Porsche.....I cannot help but desire Mystery Man. I can't masturbate thinking about him...its strange...yet, I daydream of our sex together and I salvate and get wet when I envision his cock.
Mr. Porsche...looks like he's flying out of town for business and won't be able to fit me in before.
so let's see....I have two lovers and I can't get laid? Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Being nice sucks!
I have come to the conclusion today that I am way too nice of a person. And that niceness or lack of wanting to hurt someone causes me inner turmoil.
The husband is giving me migraines. Doing things around the house, cleaning out the shed (mind you 15 years of crap I have begged to throw out). Well we started to tackle it today. In the middle of doing it, he says...I should sheet rock this, it will look great. Hmmm....I would have swore I said three weeks ago I wanted to divorce. It irked at me until he mentioned something in the future tense again about our shed (its actually the size of a one bedroom studio). So i said 'hey you can fix it up and live here". He isn't taking me serious.
Today again, for Mother's Day...the usual...nobody really acknowledges it most of the day. And then he gives me stress bathsalts. It was a joke....but the card was so damn mushy from him. I got another migraine headache. Give me a second chance, I love you so. Geez...I hate this shit. Isn't there a chance I can fall in love? Isn't there a chance I can find a man that respects me and I want to make passionate love to every night? That's the future. Honestly, right now i want to date and have fun (ummm...I guess like I am already but out in the open).
I don't want to be married anymore. I truly don't. can I do it? I don't know. am I being selfish? I don't think so. I wish I loved him but I don't. So I sit here with a migraine.
And then there is that pervert cutout lawyer guy. He has emailed me, IMd me, text me about 20 times this weekend. I'm not giving him the attention that he needs. Basically i finally said I don't even know you....we can meet one day for lunch when you are in the area. WHY? I don't know why.....I can't say bye bye...you're a pompous ass.
I seem to let the other person do the ending....even if in my head it is done already. I wonder why i do that. I had him there.....he said he couldn't handle me having another lover that I met on Ashley Madison. Hmmm....so do you think he would be able to handle the fact that I have two, I mean one I didn't meet on Ashley? Finally he said,I am not concerned that you won't like me but that I won't like you! Oh really....hmmmm......my answer don't worry about it, take care. I thought it would be over at that point. well he said....kidding, kidding....and now he is emailing and texting every 1/2 hour. Geez......a psycho...just what I need in my life. A pompous attorney who needs tons of attention and is high on himself. Hmmmm....haven't we gone down that road before a couple of times? I hate to generalize but something about attorneys man. Is there one out there that is sweet, kind and not filled with themselves? Oh being spoiled by them is not a problem, this one wants to but me a shopping spree of La Perla Lingerie. But the arrogance and self centered. remember the one that attacked me at the train and stuck his finger up my ass? Geez.......lol
The husband is giving me migraines. Doing things around the house, cleaning out the shed (mind you 15 years of crap I have begged to throw out). Well we started to tackle it today. In the middle of doing it, he says...I should sheet rock this, it will look great. Hmmm....I would have swore I said three weeks ago I wanted to divorce. It irked at me until he mentioned something in the future tense again about our shed (its actually the size of a one bedroom studio). So i said 'hey you can fix it up and live here". He isn't taking me serious.
Today again, for Mother's Day...the usual...nobody really acknowledges it most of the day. And then he gives me stress bathsalts. It was a joke....but the card was so damn mushy from him. I got another migraine headache. Give me a second chance, I love you so. Geez...I hate this shit. Isn't there a chance I can fall in love? Isn't there a chance I can find a man that respects me and I want to make passionate love to every night? That's the future. Honestly, right now i want to date and have fun (ummm...I guess like I am already but out in the open).
I don't want to be married anymore. I truly don't. can I do it? I don't know. am I being selfish? I don't think so. I wish I loved him but I don't. So I sit here with a migraine.
And then there is that pervert cutout lawyer guy. He has emailed me, IMd me, text me about 20 times this weekend. I'm not giving him the attention that he needs. Basically i finally said I don't even know you....we can meet one day for lunch when you are in the area. WHY? I don't know why.....I can't say bye bye...you're a pompous ass.
I seem to let the other person do the ending....even if in my head it is done already. I wonder why i do that. I had him there.....he said he couldn't handle me having another lover that I met on Ashley Madison. Hmmm....so do you think he would be able to handle the fact that I have two, I mean one I didn't meet on Ashley? Finally he said,I am not concerned that you won't like me but that I won't like you! Oh really....hmmmm......my answer don't worry about it, take care. I thought it would be over at that point. well he said....kidding, kidding....and now he is emailing and texting every 1/2 hour. Geez......a psycho...just what I need in my life. A pompous attorney who needs tons of attention and is high on himself. Hmmmm....haven't we gone down that road before a couple of times? I hate to generalize but something about attorneys man. Is there one out there that is sweet, kind and not filled with themselves? Oh being spoiled by them is not a problem, this one wants to but me a shopping spree of La Perla Lingerie. But the arrogance and self centered. remember the one that attacked me at the train and stuck his finger up my ass? Geez.......lol
Friday, May 09, 2008
A Friendship, A Special Secret Lover
Knowing that Mr. Porsche was having surgery, I woke up on edge. I was hurt but I just wanted him to be okay. Yes, i was a little angry, disappointed and sad. Sad that he wouldn't lean on me when he needed someone. I am so there for him.
I had written him a note last night, telling him I was sad that I didn't get to speak to him before and that I didn't even know what the time of the surgery was. He wrote me in the morning before he went to the hospital that it was midday. So basically I didn't expect to hear from him today...but I was on edge. I was relieved that he wrote something.....but uneasy.
I was in a meeting late in the afternoon. My phone rang and I saw it was him. I excused myself from the meeting explaining that I had been waiting for this call all day. The happiness and relief and joy I felt when I saw his name just pop up on my phone. While I knew I would be happy, I didn't expect the amount of emotion I felt inside. 'Hi, I just wanted you to know I was okay. Thank you for being so concerned about me, I am fine. I just got home from the hospital I am still groggy but i wanted to call so you wouldn't worry."
He sounded really groggy, like he just got out of the operating room....but he also sounded relieved. The fact that he thought to call me right away like that....meant so much to me. "Thank you for calling me baby. I'm glad your okay. I know you can't talk and you are off tomorrow. I'm just glad you are okay. Go get some sleep.....kisses'. He then said I will try to call tomorrow.....
Honestly, as long as he is ok, I don't care if he calls tomorrow. This call meant the world to me. Yes, he didn't want to worry me. Little did he know he worried me more. And the fact that he was still out of it, but managed to call (I mean he had to have just gotten in, I thought he would have still been in recovery).....all i can say is WOW!! And that man is going to get some attention and kisses like he crazy when I see him (okay, I will throw a BJ in too!)
Update at home: He called our long time friends and he basically cried to our friend. I felt like shit. The friend said.....I can't defend him, he may be my friend...but he's majorly fucked up. People are pushng for counseling, he is pressuring for another chance. Financially, neither one of us can do it alone. Most people would probably fold at this point because of the pressure. I threw myself in bed and cried. Then I thought, I can't live a life where I feel like its a life sentence of being unhappy. I pulled my head together.....and got back on track. If only we had the money. You see, he claims he loves me. BUT, i don't think he does. I think that he doesn't want change. He doesn't want to leave the house and his family. It's not about love...its about leaning on me for so long. I truly believe that. It's like the mother bird pushing the little baby bird out of the nest. Sadly, I hope he flies and doesn't crash. So, based upon the laws and his present money situation.....I will get about $400 a month. Nice!!!! That leaves me to pick up $6100 of expenses.....yeah....life is fair.
I had written him a note last night, telling him I was sad that I didn't get to speak to him before and that I didn't even know what the time of the surgery was. He wrote me in the morning before he went to the hospital that it was midday. So basically I didn't expect to hear from him today...but I was on edge. I was relieved that he wrote something.....but uneasy.
I was in a meeting late in the afternoon. My phone rang and I saw it was him. I excused myself from the meeting explaining that I had been waiting for this call all day. The happiness and relief and joy I felt when I saw his name just pop up on my phone. While I knew I would be happy, I didn't expect the amount of emotion I felt inside. 'Hi, I just wanted you to know I was okay. Thank you for being so concerned about me, I am fine. I just got home from the hospital I am still groggy but i wanted to call so you wouldn't worry."
He sounded really groggy, like he just got out of the operating room....but he also sounded relieved. The fact that he thought to call me right away like that....meant so much to me. "Thank you for calling me baby. I'm glad your okay. I know you can't talk and you are off tomorrow. I'm just glad you are okay. Go get some sleep.....kisses'. He then said I will try to call tomorrow.....
Honestly, as long as he is ok, I don't care if he calls tomorrow. This call meant the world to me. Yes, he didn't want to worry me. Little did he know he worried me more. And the fact that he was still out of it, but managed to call (I mean he had to have just gotten in, I thought he would have still been in recovery).....all i can say is WOW!! And that man is going to get some attention and kisses like he crazy when I see him (okay, I will throw a BJ in too!)
Update at home: He called our long time friends and he basically cried to our friend. I felt like shit. The friend said.....I can't defend him, he may be my friend...but he's majorly fucked up. People are pushng for counseling, he is pressuring for another chance. Financially, neither one of us can do it alone. Most people would probably fold at this point because of the pressure. I threw myself in bed and cried. Then I thought, I can't live a life where I feel like its a life sentence of being unhappy. I pulled my head together.....and got back on track. If only we had the money. You see, he claims he loves me. BUT, i don't think he does. I think that he doesn't want change. He doesn't want to leave the house and his family. It's not about love...its about leaning on me for so long. I truly believe that. It's like the mother bird pushing the little baby bird out of the nest. Sadly, I hope he flies and doesn't crash. So, based upon the laws and his present money situation.....I will get about $400 a month. Nice!!!! That leaves me to pick up $6100 of expenses.....yeah....life is fair.
Thursday, May 08, 2008
Emotional Vested in the Affair
Yes, I have come to the conclusion that even when you think it is casual sex (and it is). You still become emotionally vested with that person. Mr. Porsche is more than just a lover, he is my friend. And as my friend, I wanted to be there for him before he had his surgery. However, he pushed me away. Did he not want me to see the weak side? I know he was nervous, he told me that. Did he not want to add to my shit? I can see him being like that he is a giver.
But just like he has been there for me......I want to be there for him. He robbed me of that. So if he was doing it to lessen my load, he added to it quite frankly. It's times like this that it sucks that you can't be there for someone you care about. Although, I know he has a great support system and family...so its not like he is alone. But I am worried about him.
Money is certainly not everything in an affair and now I know why I never wrote to this guy on Ashley Madison. This new guy called me LOVER and well quite frankly it made my skin crawl. There isn't enough money in the world that would get me to be with this guy. Like sexy duet said..she would turn him away. His problem? it's all about him. While he claims its about the other person......I love to show my lovers affection. He is trying to fill a void that quite frankly he has a checklist of what he wants. Yes, I passed....what an ass.
I guess right now I am more worried about one of my children. My husband had such a bad influence on him....he has become a little him. He's spiraling out of control and I can't stop it. My heart is aching. I sat back and allowed him to turn him into dysfunction. The damage is done and I don't know how to reverse it. He has an appontment with a psychologist but he just text me that there is a problem in his English. I don't know how much I can handle.....I hate feeling helpless. From the outside, we look so functionable....funny how different life can be behind close doors.
But just like he has been there for me......I want to be there for him. He robbed me of that. So if he was doing it to lessen my load, he added to it quite frankly. It's times like this that it sucks that you can't be there for someone you care about. Although, I know he has a great support system and family...so its not like he is alone. But I am worried about him.
Money is certainly not everything in an affair and now I know why I never wrote to this guy on Ashley Madison. This new guy called me LOVER and well quite frankly it made my skin crawl. There isn't enough money in the world that would get me to be with this guy. Like sexy duet said..she would turn him away. His problem? it's all about him. While he claims its about the other person......I love to show my lovers affection. He is trying to fill a void that quite frankly he has a checklist of what he wants. Yes, I passed....what an ass.
I guess right now I am more worried about one of my children. My husband had such a bad influence on him....he has become a little him. He's spiraling out of control and I can't stop it. My heart is aching. I sat back and allowed him to turn him into dysfunction. The damage is done and I don't know how to reverse it. He has an appontment with a psychologist but he just text me that there is a problem in his English. I don't know how much I can handle.....I hate feeling helpless. From the outside, we look so functionable....funny how different life can be behind close doors.
Ashley Madison Agency Leftovers?
A funny thing happened yesterday. My friend's lover recently returned to Ashley Madison Dating.. She was actually seeing my friend, the one who introduced me to Mr. Porsche. My friend has decided he needs to give 100% to his marriage. She decided that she needs to find someone who can give her more since she was closer to a divorce. A fairy tale good by they had today. Two lovers, who gave each other the best sex they have ever had.....they had their Good by Fuck. It was sad, it was happy, it was very emotional. they parted as friends, having the most amazing sex. Holding each other for ever, they kissed and said good by. both choked up but they are going to take the break.
She had found someone else to help her cope on Ashley. She also found another man who wined and dined her. An attorney who loved to lavish a woman in the finer things in life. The first time they met, he took her to the most expensive restaurant in the area and took her on a shopping spree for lingerie. she told him she had someone else, he insisted on buying her the lingerie anyway. He asked her to find him a friend......and I popped into her mind.
Now with all the shit going down in my house (yes, my husband and I spent 6 hours talking today. Going in circles. He doesnt want to leave). I want a divorce. It's more civil than you would think. But I don't see us progressing because he thinks he is going to win me back.
Anyway, I called this guy and explained I am in the middle of a relationship, not sure where it was going. Yes, I lied. Bad, I know. But I wanted to see what he looked like and well the thought of being spoiled is something I truly need. We spoke for a 1/2 hour. nice guy, not sure he is for me but we aren't going to meet for awhile. Well, here's the thing. I am either a different person than I was a year ago.....OR my head is in a different place...OR I am just too overwhelmed in life. this guy texted me, emailed me and called me literally 15 times today. He asked me all these sexual questions (like the color of my nipples and if he could like my ass). Now I am a sexual person (I think we have all decide that) but I found this guy to be disgusting and actually a pig. It's one thing to be sexual with someone that you know. It's another thing to not have even met someone and tell them what you want to do to them.
Would I have been turned on a year ago? I don't know. I mean, we never met, we never had deep conversations, we've never emailed back and forth. A 1/2 hour conversation and you want to like my ass and do all these other things to me. I am repulsed. It's not me you want, its someone you want. The old cutout figure routine. I could be anyone......well, I find the guy annoying and quite frankly I don't care if he would spend $1,000 on me in a lingerie store. I am not interested. So am I nuts? Maybe.
Mr. Porsche and I have hit a bumpy road. Honestly, our first one. He has surgery tomorrow. I wanted to see him before his surgery. I had blocked out 4 hours tonight to see him so I could fit into his schedule. I just wanted to kiss him and hold him. silly? i don't know. I wanted to see him. he happened to call me and said, wanted to see if you could catch a cup of coffee (I called back 10 minutes) and he didn't answer. We were on the same wavelength but our times off. I called him back finally getting him to say meet me. I'm in a meeting and then he had that sexy girl coming in tonight. 'good luck tomorrow' and I hung up. I called back...I'll call you at 8 he said in a cold voice. Okay, i will be sure to be outside for your call. he never called. I called at 9, he didn't answer. He sent me something for business....just forwarded with no note.
Mr.Porsche has a crazy schedule. So I always work around it. are you telling me I had a 10 minute window? I am furious right now. And then I felt hurt that he didn't call back. maybe he was fucking her and that's why he didn't call. who knows.
So tonight I feel drained. Upset about Mr. Porsche and upset because after 6 hours of talking...and telling my husband that I don't love him....and I am no closer than I was to a divorce yesterday. he did point out how I can't pay the bills without him unless I work like a dog. I am feeling alone and like a trapped rat again. Life sucks sometimes.
Okay, off to bed. 2:19am.....and I am exhausted. I decided that I am taking some time and going to a hotel on Friday. I am going to work and rest and think. I need to rest. I need to think but Is also need to work. I would love to take two days but that won't be happening.... I need to get away to sought out my feelings or I may lose it. I thought this would be easier...its not.
She had found someone else to help her cope on Ashley. She also found another man who wined and dined her. An attorney who loved to lavish a woman in the finer things in life. The first time they met, he took her to the most expensive restaurant in the area and took her on a shopping spree for lingerie. she told him she had someone else, he insisted on buying her the lingerie anyway. He asked her to find him a friend......and I popped into her mind.
Now with all the shit going down in my house (yes, my husband and I spent 6 hours talking today. Going in circles. He doesnt want to leave). I want a divorce. It's more civil than you would think. But I don't see us progressing because he thinks he is going to win me back.
Anyway, I called this guy and explained I am in the middle of a relationship, not sure where it was going. Yes, I lied. Bad, I know. But I wanted to see what he looked like and well the thought of being spoiled is something I truly need. We spoke for a 1/2 hour. nice guy, not sure he is for me but we aren't going to meet for awhile. Well, here's the thing. I am either a different person than I was a year ago.....OR my head is in a different place...OR I am just too overwhelmed in life. this guy texted me, emailed me and called me literally 15 times today. He asked me all these sexual questions (like the color of my nipples and if he could like my ass). Now I am a sexual person (I think we have all decide that) but I found this guy to be disgusting and actually a pig. It's one thing to be sexual with someone that you know. It's another thing to not have even met someone and tell them what you want to do to them.
Would I have been turned on a year ago? I don't know. I mean, we never met, we never had deep conversations, we've never emailed back and forth. A 1/2 hour conversation and you want to like my ass and do all these other things to me. I am repulsed. It's not me you want, its someone you want. The old cutout figure routine. I could be anyone......well, I find the guy annoying and quite frankly I don't care if he would spend $1,000 on me in a lingerie store. I am not interested. So am I nuts? Maybe.
Mr. Porsche and I have hit a bumpy road. Honestly, our first one. He has surgery tomorrow. I wanted to see him before his surgery. I had blocked out 4 hours tonight to see him so I could fit into his schedule. I just wanted to kiss him and hold him. silly? i don't know. I wanted to see him. he happened to call me and said, wanted to see if you could catch a cup of coffee (I called back 10 minutes) and he didn't answer. We were on the same wavelength but our times off. I called him back finally getting him to say meet me. I'm in a meeting and then he had that sexy girl coming in tonight. 'good luck tomorrow' and I hung up. I called back...I'll call you at 8 he said in a cold voice. Okay, i will be sure to be outside for your call. he never called. I called at 9, he didn't answer. He sent me something for business....just forwarded with no note.
Mr.Porsche has a crazy schedule. So I always work around it. are you telling me I had a 10 minute window? I am furious right now. And then I felt hurt that he didn't call back. maybe he was fucking her and that's why he didn't call. who knows.
So tonight I feel drained. Upset about Mr. Porsche and upset because after 6 hours of talking...and telling my husband that I don't love him....and I am no closer than I was to a divorce yesterday. he did point out how I can't pay the bills without him unless I work like a dog. I am feeling alone and like a trapped rat again. Life sucks sometimes.
Okay, off to bed. 2:19am.....and I am exhausted. I decided that I am taking some time and going to a hotel on Friday. I am going to work and rest and think. I need to rest. I need to think but Is also need to work. I would love to take two days but that won't be happening.... I need to get away to sought out my feelings or I may lose it. I thought this would be easier...its not.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Yes, Breathing Is Essential During A Blow Job!!
A favorite position of Mystery Man's and Mr. Porsche's.... to think it has a name....
the Throat Swab...my biggest complaint..I can't
breathe sometimes and there have been times when I was feeling dizzy. No air and blood rushing to head...can be a dangerous situation...A aahh...I love this position. He is able to get his cock deep,deep inside my mouth. It's hot.
Well, I was always thinking that it was me. You see during a blowjob sometimes, their cock blocks off my airway...forcing me to come up for air. Phew, its something that happens to others as well.
Here is the directions to this position....hehehe. I sent it to Mystery Man....he was laughing so hard....his response "No Breathing Allowed" such the smartass!
"The male version of eve's ecstasy, the throat swab can be a very exciting position for many men. The performing partner lies back on a bed tilting their head upwards over the edge while their partner penetrates their mouth from a kneeling, squatting, or standing position. Since the receiver needs air to stay alive, we recommend that you make sure to give them time for air... We know that's asking for a lot, but if you let your partner breathe, they'll be able to do it again..."
Friday, May 02, 2008
the Addiction of the Secret Affair
Yes, I am addicted. The high that I get with those two men are unbelievable. Sex is good for me. My migraine is totally gone now and my spirits are high. Yes, there is a fulfillment that I can't put in words. That deep hole is filled...its as if my heart is singing again. My mood is so much better at home. I am happy. My work production even increases. Yes, the up to a secret lover.
Today though.....the down side. Mr. Porsche was in a real pissy mood. Didn't even call me back today. Waters are getting rough there. I don't know what it is. I have decided to back off as of right now. Pull back a little bit. I don't think its me, I think its life for him right now.
And Mystery Man...well I always have an uneasiness with him....but that is within me. Why am I so insecure? I have two men who give me total fulfillment.....
Hubby is putting a guilt trip on me. that I didn't give us a chance. Oh please....he's also getting bad advice from his sisters. Oh yes, they want him to try to hang me. I know....they are looking into me giving him support. I can see from the questions he asked. (how much do you make?). I had to put a stop to those thoughts.....I looked him in the face and said...you want to listen to them, it will end us in court. I will serve you with papers and get a lawyer. If you want it to be ugly....it can be. I don't want that. I want to go to a mediator and do what is best for our children. DON'T Make Stupid Decisions and take bad advice. I guarantee you will lose."
Now, I have a heart of gold. I will give and give and give until I can't anymore. you all know me. However, do not mess with my kids. Him expecting me to support him? Him not supporting his children? Now there comes another side of me. A lion protecting her cubs.
And to think, I sit here and think how I will help find him an apartment and make this peaceful. I must be dreaming. I guess a friendly divorce doesn't exist in this world.
Today though.....the down side. Mr. Porsche was in a real pissy mood. Didn't even call me back today. Waters are getting rough there. I don't know what it is. I have decided to back off as of right now. Pull back a little bit. I don't think its me, I think its life for him right now.
And Mystery Man...well I always have an uneasiness with him....but that is within me. Why am I so insecure? I have two men who give me total fulfillment.....
Hubby is putting a guilt trip on me. that I didn't give us a chance. Oh please....he's also getting bad advice from his sisters. Oh yes, they want him to try to hang me. I know....they are looking into me giving him support. I can see from the questions he asked. (how much do you make?). I had to put a stop to those thoughts.....I looked him in the face and said...you want to listen to them, it will end us in court. I will serve you with papers and get a lawyer. If you want it to be ugly....it can be. I don't want that. I want to go to a mediator and do what is best for our children. DON'T Make Stupid Decisions and take bad advice. I guarantee you will lose."
Now, I have a heart of gold. I will give and give and give until I can't anymore. you all know me. However, do not mess with my kids. Him expecting me to support him? Him not supporting his children? Now there comes another side of me. A lion protecting her cubs.
And to think, I sit here and think how I will help find him an apartment and make this peaceful. I must be dreaming. I guess a friendly divorce doesn't exist in this world.
Mystery Man and I, our Secret Lovers Escape
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Thursday, May 01, 2008
The Squeaky Vagina
Just a funny story:
I was sitting here last night and I heard my husband go into the tub. An hour passed and I am sitting in the diningroom. And I hear this squeaking sound. what the fuck is that? He is in the tub? And then the vision of the rubber vagina comes to mind. Oh no, is he jerking off in my tub with that fake vagina I found in his drawer. The squeak was a consistent sound. Men have consistency when they masturbate. There hand gets a certain rhythm.....oh my, the vision of him in my tub jerking off with that fake vagina was too much for me to take.
And the sound, it wasn't stopping. I mean when he farts in the tub, I can hear it down here. But to have to listen to that squeak....it was the same nauseous feeling I felt when I was a kid and heard my parents doing it. It only happened once and I was a teenager and I remember putting my pillow over my head.... EWWWWWWWWWWWWW Gross!!!!!
I couldn't take it anymore. I had to stop that noise and the visions. I start to go up the stairs hoping that he will hear me coming and stop the damn vagina squeaking. I get upstairs and I look in the tub. The water is still in it but he is not..
I turn around....he's on my Ab-Lounger. The squeaking was from the Ab-Lounger. Phew....and a giggle. What would I have done if I went up there and he was using the squeaky vagina? I can imagine the scenerio now "Stop usin the damn squeaky vagina in MY TUB. Go play with it somewhere else like the basement or the office!! Can you imagine?
Oh man, I need a vacation.
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