The New Year--2008!

Wow, the new year is almost here. What a wild year this past one has been. I made so many new great blogger friends and then of course, there are those old friends (you know who you are) that have been my friends for a long time. And then there are some of you, who never even say hello. Yet you visit my site weekly and some even daily. Some days I get 200 hits,other almost 400. There are 100+ who are regular visitors, yet I don't know you....and you know everything there is to know about me!! lol I mean you have been inside my head, you have heard about all my sexual experiences and you even know when I masturbate....blogging is so bizarre.

I will hopefully be back with some recaps and resolutions. I have been working nonstop trying to support my family. Sadly, I can't make the mortgage this month. And I have been working like crazy. Good news, I have invoices out there...bad news....not in time for this months payment. Yes, that is why I am up right now...can't sleep...a little anxiety....funny, the jobless hubby is upstairs snoring away. Unbelievable!

I have to admit something. While Mystery Man has been on my mind....I want to wish him a happy new year BUT I think whats the point. Open up communications for what? one more fuck?

I heard from Mr.Prize....kisses baby! And also from some of my favorite old time frogs--wishing me a happy new year....

But the one frog that my heart yearns to connect with is DigEm. My thoughts have been wondering back to him so many times in a day. I miss him like I haven't missed anyone. I miss our Pea Connection. If you read this, and something tells me you will, I want you to know--I miss you & love you & hope all is going well in your life. That' you are able to put the pieces together and you are getting the love and passion you deserve.

Sigh...life is so strange sometimes. So I am off to bed (yes, 3AM....I need to relax and stop thinking). My parents came over today. Life was getting to me, more than usual. Actually, I was running around doing 9 million things and I slipped down the steps. Sitting at the bottom, looking around (glad I didn't break anything)....I thought...people don't live like this. I looked at my parents and tears came to my eyes. I don't think I can do this much longer...was all I could say. Tears came to their eyes--I rarily let anyone see the pain inside. I'm strong--I can see how much it hurts them to see me hurting. I got up--and put the facade back on. Strength! Yes, I need to be strong. If I make my self one promise--- 2008 is the year. The goal--to be financially independent somehow. There is a song that played on the radio today "whatever doesn't kill me, will make me stronger". Sounds like a motto for 2008!!

Sweet Wet Dreams Baby.......the 2008 Rollercoaster Ride is about to begin!!

Duped Again!

I met this guy on MySpace. Very Cute and really looked young for 42. Even showed is pix to My Buddy (the one who introduced me to Mr.Porshe). We have been talking back and forth and I really like him. His picture goes through my head and it makes me smile. We even cyber sexed. I hesitated because he was single. I hesitated because he had the most gorgous woman on his MySpace. I wanted to meet him. Today, I pressed him. Coffee, just coffee.

He just got on a few minutes ago. He said he was thinking about me and couldn't sleep. Why? I guess guilt was overcoming him....he admitted that wasn't his pix.

Okay, I fucking dont get it. Sometimes people do this on Ashley Madison too (but obviously less than on MySpace). Don't you think you might meet the person eventually. Well, I think Ashley is a little more honest. The guys are more real. MySpace is a bunch of real and wackadoos. I guess I feel at home on Ashley. My affair stomping ground.

So it angers me because I sounded so superficial. But that's not what it was. I mean I might have been attracted to him but now I will never know. I just feel like it was all fake, That he played me. I know the person I spoke to was real, but the connection was based upon a lie. I just don't get it.

My feelings are.....you look like who you look like. If a person doesn't like you, fuck them. Move on..there's someone who will like you and want to be with you. I honestly think that once you hit your 35+....the attraction is important but its not like when you are younger. It's not solely on the physical. I need to feel a little spark but they don't have to be drop dead gorgeous. Honestly, I was worried about this guy because he looked so good.

So I have really been stricking out lately. First the Greek God who turned out to be the Geek God and now this. Am I losing my touch?

Mr.Porshe is coming home today. He's on the plane now. Woo Hoo!! I have missed him a lot. A perfect example of someone who physically is not my typical type of guy. But I really like the person. And honestly, when you get to know someone and you like them--their attributes shine so strong and they turn you on even more. Its the package.....

So did you think about resolutions? I am working on mine now. I feel good about 2008....I hope I am right!

An Angel from Heaven

This is a strange week. Quiet with no frogs around. Lonely. Deep. I met some single guy on line but I have this weird feeling about it. He is sweet but extremely high strung and very possessive. We connected BUT I am questioning it. He's so deep already. So into me. It's weird. I don't know. I haven't been into anyone lately. feeling a sadness, waiting for the end to my marriage. Yes, I am waiting for my husband to say "do you want a divorce?' but he's never going to say it. I gave him an ultimatum today....get a job. when your unemployement runs out, you are out of here. Sounds harsh but maybe it will motivate him to get a job. It's so damn sad. I am dreading when the day comes where I say to him "I want a divorce." It's on the tip of my tongue yet I am unable to say it.

So now I have a truly bizarre story for you. Yes, I am a little freaked but I feel it is a sign. My husband went to the recycling on Christmas. On top of all our cans was a red package. He brought it in and opened it. It was a statue of an angel holding flowers and a heart on her. Now, there was no card. And if it were meant to be a present, someone wouldn't have left it in my recycling. It's ceramic and about 8 inches tall. When I looked at her I got the chills. I mean, what was this doing in my recycling. It was meant for us to find it but not directly. It's so weird.

I am taking it as a sign. See, we are Jewish. But I believe in angels. I have a connection with angels.....I have them throughout my house. I always feel so relaxed when I see an angel. So where did this one come from? There is absolutely no explanation. I mean, it was on the side of my house.....way too bizarre.

So today, I placed the angel on the top shelf in my kitchen so she can watch over me. Ironically, the light is right there and her dress sparkles....its so strange. What do you think? I am a little freaked but yet I truly feel it is a good sign. I mean how many people find angels like that?

Well the new year is coming. Time to look back and the year and plan for the upcoming year. This one is going to be a wild one for me. Its absolutely going to be life changing.

Sweet dreams!

Merry Christmas Everybody!!

A Little SEX on my Christmas List

Phew....finally finished my Christmas List!! Anyone care to fulfill it?

Holiday Hints For Shopping-Guaranteed Blow!

Bet your busy shopping......figured I'd give you some help in finding the perfect gift!!

24 Hour Rule, Business Advice and Sexual Fun

Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes you need to build a friendship and connection. With Mr. Porsche...we have done that. I have to tell you, I am starting to feel content with him. Oh its not the same contentment as with Mystery Man and DigEm together. In fact, DigEm has been on my mind so much lately. Mystery Man, I am angry with and that is not going to pass.

But with Mr. Porshe....we are building a wonderful connection on many levels. He was in my area before he is gone for two weeks so we met for breakfast. Yes, many times we flirt and talk sex. Today, the topic was a little more serious. He gave out amazing bonus' to his staff and there are always two who are basically assholes. Not appreciating his outrageously generous bonus at all. He was bummed. I mean a $15,000 bonus. Let's see---how could you not be appreciative?!?

Anyway, we started to discuss his business. I switched into business mode. Talking to him as if I talk to my clients, giving him the advice I give to them. I consult. As a business woman, I am very different than the other side of me a man meets on Ashley Madison. You see the girl a guy meets on Ashley is usually flirty, sweet and out to escape her everyday life. Mr. Porsche was now getting to know the business me. I rarily show that side. A few frogs have seen that side of me--its not flirtatious, its not sexy, its strictly, serious business. you know ROI, maximizing your dollar etc. etc Yes guys, I do have a brain and I am a competitive business woman. A side of me that some men are threatened by.

Breakfast is over. Mr. Porsche looks at me and says...I have to tell you. I am very impressed. About what? I said to him. You! I was surprised. I didn't realize how we had just sat there and had a business meeting. I was so infuriated by his employees that it turned the switch. then he proceeded to tell me that he has a consultant that gave him similiar advice. The consultant charges a lot more than me....lets say 5 times more an hour. So now he was teasing me how he was going to hire me for twice a week. Once a business meeting and once to suck his cock...lol He proceeded to yell at me how little I charge . He's right. My worth by my clients is lessened because my dollar is so damn cheap. A $200 an hour consultant will get a lot more attention than a $50. Truth is, I know that I should be getting more. However, when you are financially in a hole --I can't afford to lose any business so I underestimate myself.

Anyway, the conversation turned to sucking his cock. My foot started to rub his under the table. He was in a rush...had three meetings to make so we ran out of there. Drive me to my car, I said (mind you that my car was actually closer than his)...I jumped in his car...go across the street in that parking lot! I can't, I'm late. Oh yes you can....I ordered...Go Go Hurry Hurry. He drove across the street to the somewhat emptier lot.

I bend over and start sucking his face.....Tell me about your vacation! He is reluctant since he has to go but I begin to open his pants. Really, I have to go (oh the urgency in his voice was definitely lessening).....as he is talking....I am wrapping my lips around his cock. He is losing his trend of thought as I can see him getting harder and harder....his phone is ringing..."answer that and my price goes up three times the amount". He starts laughing...ignoring the phone. His cock is getting harder and harder.....but then we were interrupted by a car pulling in next to us. We kissed some more and poor thing, I had to leave him with a hard on. We kissed and hugged..I will miss you. And I said that from the heart. I will miss him. He is my friend. He is my lover. It's nice. I like our balance.

20 minutes later my phone rings...thank you he says. For what, the blow job? He starts laughing....Yes, that and the excellent advice you gave me. I've really been thinking about what you said. I really like that we are friends too. And the advice that really stuck in his head is something that I use for my frogs...I've mentioned it a million times. How ironic..

The 24 hour rule... whether it be a frog or a business decision. Sometimes emotion takes over. So when you get that rage or extreme emotion in any direction (super happy or super angry)...do not react for 24 hours. Level your emotion, think about your strategy and then plan your move. Usually, that is the right move to make---when you have thought it out a little bit and weighed all the factors.

So...let me ask you...where can you get excellent business advice, excellent sex advice AND hear a little about my sexual rendezvous'...only on Cheri's Secret Lovers Lane of course. And you thought I was just all about sucking and fucking!!! lol

Have a great day!! Finish your shopping!!! AND...do at least one thing for someone less fortunate than you. Buy a toy, give to charity...whatever it is...you will feel sooooo good doing it. Remember, its the feeling that you get from giving not how the receiver responds. SO give just a little....

xoxo

Mr. Cable Guy and the Fancy Restaurant

This has truly been an interesting week. A new guy has appeared. He's different, we will call him Mr. Cable Guy. I think I mentioned him before. He is married BUT he has an unbelievable amount of freedom. Quite frankly, he would be best with a single woman. We met the other night for a drink. We met today for lunch. He reminds me of Soldier Boy. He loves to party. He is still in college I think. Hanging with the The guys. Weekends skiing without his family. New Years Eve without his family. He is living two different lives.

Today we had lunch. It was my fault, it sucked. First, we were finding a place to meet. I saw three restaurants in a town, I said pick one. He said you pick it...I did. It turned out to be this extremely expensive and fancy place. I found myself apologizing the whole time. I wanted quiet but this was ridiculous. The waiter didn't leave us alone....full attention but we couldn't talk. He thought he knew someone in the restaurant...it was uncomfortable. I went to touch his foot under the table...he wasn't into any touching...

Then he brought up that he is a little uncomfortable that my marriage is on the rocks. Well, that sent me in a spin....truth, I over reacted. I started to go off on how dysfunctional my family was and how I was independent and didn't want another husband....blah, blah, blah, blah...

We couldn't kiss good by, I shook his hand. It was weird. I think a lot has to do with my day with Mr. Porsche yesterday...okay, I gotta back track. I will write about it in a few.....posts will be backwards....

I'm on their mind when they are jerking off??

I think its holiday season and people feeling lonelier than usual. Oh we are all busier, but the silent loneliness is deeper. Today, a bunch of frogs send me emails and IM's that they were thinking of me. That they couldn't get my face out of their head (and some proceeded to tell me how they have been fantasizing about me lately).

We all know I have a little self confidence issue. I am shocked when a guy says he thinks about me as he is jerking off. That it is me that he sees in his head. That blows my mind, I mean lets face it there are Playboy models, amazing famous women with perfect faces and bodies....and they are fantasizing about ME! I giggle when they say that.....

Then there are those that tell me that they see me when they are fucking their wives. Now that's a whole other story.

So, to think, men think about me durng the night as I am sleeping.....wow, that's pretty wild.

The Perfect Gift for That Horny Woman! (and man!)

Now here is a gift I REALLY, REALLY WANT!!!! (Bet you thought I forgot about this Hale!) It says it is available at Ikea...but I think that's a joke....anyone know where I can get it?!? Mmmm....now here is some real fun action.....ooooo la la!!


THE TROT The classic Gravitizer position that satisfies every time. The convex saddle shape gently compresses her anatomy into a velvet vice - a unique sensation no other toy can give - rendering extra stimulation and pleasure for both partners. Alternate with Flexing for a ride that's got energy and nuance.


THE FLEXER Nothing beats a slow, sensual flexing. One of the easiest, most pleasant position that can give you The Gravitizer. Alternate with the Trot, or reverse directions for more intimacy - the Flexer can be done facing either way. Always place legs through The Gravitizer as shown to prevent tipping.


THE HAMMER Extra control for her, with an exotic clamping action on the upstroke. Have her grip the sides and pull down for greater penetration. You can use towels and pillows for more comfortable ride.


THE BLISS BOX Give her the full treatment. A rock-hard shaft and a pair of loving hands at the same time render a potent, soothing climax. Position next to a bed or other firm support for his comfort.


THE DOGHOUSE Throw her over the doghouse - a natural for doggy-style lovers. A classic position freed of awkward balance and position issues, and now also allowing her to masturbate comfortably while enjoying vigorous rear entry. Put a thick towel on the saddle for her comfort.


THE PLUNGER One of the most popular positions, offering soothing penetration in the comfort of a loving embrace. Let him bounce her for a heady ride to ecstasy. Position next to a bed or other firm support for his comfort.


THE SHAFTER Extra control and authority for a position that demands a strong performance. Have him go "hands-only" for a more athletic position - just curl legs

Rings, Nipple Clamps and Cock Rings....oh my!

Okay, tonight was fun. You know me, I like things spontaneous.

I went to the store and purchased the ring from Mr. Porsche. I was so happy. Like a little kid. I had been looking for rings, looking for rings and then....this one caught my eye. It was love at first sight! This was the perfect ring for my pointer finger.....exactly what I wanted. The winner!

I went to the store and purchase it. I was in heaven. And I decided to purchase diamond stud earrings for my second hole. IT's been so long since I bought myself something. I felt so amazing....

Now gentleman let me give you a little advice. You should definitely be there when a woman gets her present. This overall desire to cover you in kisses and do other things does start to take over. I called Mr. Porsche but that didn't do it for me.

I was sitting in a meeting last night. And I needed to see him. So, I excused myself from the meeting and called him. I knew he was working late. "Meet Me". I can't, my desk is filled with stuff and I am stressed beyond belief. "Meet Me"......oh he was close but I could see he was stressed about it so I said "I'm coming to you". Problem is, I couldn't explain being in his area if anything happened (remember my problem with Mr. Prize..police etc). So I was nervous but I went over.

I drove there...he opened the garage door and I drove my car in. We went upstairs....I was a little shy at first. He has a big massage chair and a huge flat screen in his office...great accommodations (better than the hotels we have been in).....I threw myself in the massage chair....it was nice....then i wanted to show him my ring so we went on the computer....well, hands began to wander all over me as I was looking.

He loves my breasts. And his hands began to massage them. Actually he loves to squeeze my nipples and play with them. Close your eyes he said. And I did....next thing I know my breasts are wearing vibrating nipple clamps....mmmmm...what a different sensation....and quite a good one....I quickly showed him the ring and then I turned around and began to open his pants and suck on his cock....on my knees, under his desk....the smile on his face was priceless.

I love sucking cock. I truly do....but nothing is more satisfying than watching a man's face as you look up with their cock in your mouth and see a sparkle in their eyes. Absolutely wonderful! We moved to another chair in his office and undressed....

I sucked and sucked....and he sucked and sucked. Let's just say my nipples are so damn soar right now. Two givers are always hard....and he's a control man. So he won when he wanted me to cum. Yes, I was giving in....he wanted to watch me masturbate for awhile....so on his floor...there I was....playing with my clit and my nipples. Yes, I definitely wanted to cum. He came down and helped....and with his hands inside of me, leaning on my anal area...I began to cum and cum hard. His goal is to make me have multiple orgasms.....its hard for me but I did come really close this time. As he whispers....let go baby, go with it. My mind focuses on his words and I do get soooo much closer. There was more than one but not trillions. It was hot...

Time was flying by so we just hung out for a little and talked. I sucked him more but he was too stressed for any fucking. And his cock hats rubbers. As soon the rubber goes on his cock, you can see him start to lose some spunk. We did use a cock ring.....that was a lot of fun and a first for me!

So off I went, leaving him to his desk full of papers and work. But he was really glad that I came. Oh wait..he has a shower in his office. It was hysterical running naked to get to it. Water everywhere (he hadn't used it before and he needs a longer shower curtain....)..but we were giggling and sucking face in the shower....playing.....sigh, time goes way too fast.

And now I am home...working with extremely soar nipples.....I really like him. We have this friendship thing too which is really nice. Very different from Mystery Man. And quite frankly, I really like it.

Looking out the window today, the snow is falling. I miss DigEm. I don't know what it is.....what set that off but I have to say I still think about him everyday. It's a good feeling though. I am so glad that we had spoken and that he is okay. It has given me a piece of mind. but my mind keeps wandering back.....its the friendship, the connection. For some reason today, I imagined us playing in the snow having a snowball fight and then dropping to the ground kissing. But its all good feelings when I think about him. I wonder if he can feel me now...I wonder if he still thinks of me?

Frogs, Frogs and more Frogs

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Success on Ashley Madison For Men

How funny that some of you want to know my selection process on Ashley Madison.

I have to say, I have it down to a science, although I never really gave it much thought until now. As I am writing this I am taking step by step and writing down each thing that I do in my head as I go through my profile.

I let a friend of mine (my Confidant friend I met online)...take a look at my inbox the other day. He writes me FUCK YOU! I'm like what did I do? He barily gets emails and I have a box full of 90. Okay, there is no denying...the advantage is the female. But quite frankly, you have to be smarter, witty and fun. Then you get noticed. And after reading most of the emails....you can jump to the head of the pack pretty quick.

Name selection- Choosing a name of Fukmegood or Oralman..... will definitely cut down your return emails. Now if you are looking for a girl that is only interested in sucking your cock and fucking you with absolutely no brain or conversation...then stick with it. However, if you are interested in finding a girl with a little class, a little more..... I like a less offensive name is a turn on.

Collect Messages....I just erase them, Don't even look at the guy's profile. Why bother? I am not going to pay to talk to him when there are other choices I have for free. Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free? Don't send collect. There's way too many choices on here and its like asking a woman to pick up the bill on your first meeting.

Wink Messages- I don't even look at the actual wink message. But I will click on it to view a guys' profile. If they have a pix, I will ask for the pix if he interests me. The only way I will use a credit is if the profile wows me or the picture is intriguing.

No responses--its nothing personal. When I started on this site, I answered every one. Honestly, you know how much work it is on your end. So imagine if the woman wrote to each guy. What happens is they don't take no for an answer and then they keep hounding....So a no answer just means that she doesn't think your wants and her wants are the same thing. It's not a personal rejection.

All the affair sites are in the woman's favor BUT there are men out there that are finding ladies. So what does it for me?

A great profile. Not just the checkoffs of oral sex, giving oral, getting oral, dominance, submissive, hot oil baths........ that's something that I browse to make sure the guy isn't too kinky for me. And as far as the weight/body type. It is so subjective. Be honest though and actually kind to yourself. Too many men write muscular (when they aren't). Average is far. Some men write extra padding and when we meet they are really average.

So I gotta work now but I will write later on writing a great profile. That's the ticket to success on Ashley Madison.

hope this helps a little!!

Sexual Energy-

The healing has begun. I guess if you bombard your life with men, collectively they should be able to fill some of the void. My biggest fear? That I won't find it again. That intense magic both emotionally and physically. That feeling that my heart is about to burst. My face is filled with magic and people notice.

When you are "content".... it shows in your face. Or at least mine. When things were great with Mystery Man.....and DigEm...the world noticed. The Passion for my work even shined through. I am a passionate person both sexually and with work. My energy seems to just ooze from me. When I walk into a room....my presence is felt according to other people. I wonder if that is good or bad? Actually I think it depends on my situation.

I love life and when I am happy, I guess the world can see it. I love being happy. And when I am personally happy, I find it reflects in everything I do.

So...from my joking last post of being An Ashley Madison Consultant..a couple of you bloggers sent me notes. Wanting me to give them advice on what women want. Well I can't speak for all women...but I can tell ya what I am looking for and things I look for in a profile. So I will make that my next post....actually I will have fun writing it....analyzing my selection process....

Have a Happy Monday!!!
Mwah!!!

An Affair Meeting--Not what I thought

Mr. Architect seemed like a really great connection. We truly hit it off online. When I saw his pix...he looked like a Greek God. His body all oiled up, his muscles rippling.....I warned him I didn't work out. Guys who are ripped like that can make you insecure about yourself.

I was excited to meet him. I didn't expect his body to be as buf as the picture and in some ways I really didn't want it either. I arrived at the restaurant and looked around. It happens to be one of the nicest restaurants around the area. I checked out the bar...wow, there were some real hot prospects there. I should hang out here more often on Friday afternoons. It's a steakhouse...a very manly place in fact. I admit it...I felt really great because all these guys turned as I walked by...my ego was being stroked as I looked out of the corner of my eye to watch these two groups of men watching me.

As I was looking to the right and smiling in my head, a man abruptly appeared to my left and startled me....I thought he was the Matre d' but he moved toward me to kiss me and I was taken back. There was no way this was the guy that I had seen on the computer. Oh boy...I don't even know if I could have hidden my disappointment well more shock!

Now you all know me for awhile now.....some of you two years. I am pretty honest about descriptions and pretty open to all types of men. Actually its the inside that is more important to me without a doubt. I always find that I meet a man and something about them draws me in. Whether it be their sparkling eyes, a sexy smile..dimples...I always find something attractive in an average Joe. I look for that special something in everyone. Looks aren't that important. But you have to be with someone that you don't think looks weird.

Well, this guy was at least 6 ft. 5 or taller. He looked nothing, I mean nothing like the pictures. Even the second one that he had taken. He claims that pix was just 8 years old....excuse me....that picture was more like 20 years old probably. I swear my sweet sixteen picture of me modeling on a bar stool....with my long blonde hair in this skimpy little top (no bra needed...those babies were always perky)... looked more like me now then his picture. And I would never try to pass that picture off.

He told me he wore glasses now. So? That's not a big deal at all....well, he didn't mention that his glasses were big and sooooo black...and just weird looking. I have never seen anyone with glasses like these. HUGE...and sooooo black. I wanted to take him to the eyeglass place and get him some nice wired frames.....or frameless frames. Geez....every time he put them on....I was like ?!?!

I stared at his face......deep stare....to see if it was even the same guy. It was...definitely 40-50 lbs heavier and aged another 25 years. Over and over he swore he still had an amazing body....every hear the word schlump. If you had this hot body, it didn't look like it to me. He just looked BIG...now he was wearing a suit but it was not fitted for him. If he had a great body, he needed to wear a little tighter fitted clothes because he just looked like he was fat.

And now his hair.....well, he said it was thinning from the pix which he had a full head of jet black hair. I can't even explain the hair. ITs white now (no signs of jet black) and the middle is balding but in a very weird way. There were periodical hairs and he kept his hair way too long for the few he had. Yes, there was almost a flip over there....PLEASE MEN...don't do the flipover. Nothing is worse. Accept the hair is going and get a haircut that is appropriate. It looks so much better than trying to do these bizarre things with the few hairs you got.

With all that said.....I would still look at the personality. I felt duped with the looks. I mean, I am who I am. I send a picture and you get what you see. In fact, I even send pix of me looking just eh...this way when we meet you will be happy. Anyway, his personality was INTENSE!!

"You are even more beautiful than your picture"......Okay, this is going to work great. I feel the chemistry here....don't you think? Yes its here... (oh boy, putting me on the spot--I just smiled and looked away). If he could read body language....I had my hands folded and my legs crossed....not a good sign.

The waiter came over---we don't have a lot of time, I have more meetings...I want the Peppercorn steak and you liked that too didn't you? Okay, she will have the same...sauces on the side. Would you like another drink?

I think he was just nervous....he was controlling the whole meeting. Normally, I would have changed my order to show--hey, I can order myself....but it wasn't worth it. The waiter looked at me...I smiled and winked. He walked away laughing. So, it wasn't me...the man was INTENSE...

I asked him what he did (I knew some stuff) and he pulled out all this stuff we talked about during IM. That was nice, he meant well with that. We had a common thing and he brought me all this material on it. He is very intelligent and very accomplished.

I want to see you again next week? Is that okay with you? Okay, I need to say something here....this guy was getting a little crazy. He already started talking how he would expect me to shut off my Ashley profile. WOW, he was pinning me and we were already going steady.

I spoke up now....You are new to this. You need to look around and see who else is out there. I just got out of something and I am not ready for exclusivity right now. I am not even sure I am ready to be with anybody at all. I need to go slow in whatever I decide (ok, I thought about it...that was a lie. If Married Prince Charming came along and was sitting across the table from me...I would be thinking about which hotel we were going to visit).

He proceeded with thats fine..so where do people meet. Where do you go? What do you do? Yikes.....I hate feeling like the pro.... I was now his Ashley Madison Consultant. He wanted to know all about affairs, the rules, the protocol etc .etc So, I decided since this guy had a good heart, he was just real nervous....but reality, I don't care how good that body was under those clothes.....his personality was only partially my type. He was a brilliant man and I was turned on by his brains but there was a side that didn't do it for me. He wasn't flirty or suave...he was intense.

Now I started to get a little skeeved. I am a sexual person. I always was and I love being sexual. I am very attracted to you and would love to take you to a hotel. He named the most expensive and nicest hotel in the area. I want to take care of you....you have a heart of gold and I want to give you all that you deserve.

Well, I walked away feeling terrible. Am I a total idiot? Here is a guy who knew a little bit about my situation, he offered me a consulting job (he actually needs someone), he wanted to take away all my financial worries (he's loaded beyond belief)....AND....I CAN'T!! I know--some women would close their eyes and fuck. Allow a man to take control (oh somewhere he wanted to blindfold me in there)....even if it was just for a few hours a week.

Oh it did pass my mind....let's see, a few hours of pretend, screwing a guy and my personal life would be totally easy. Well I am an idiot. I can't do that. I have worked too hard in my life to be who I am. I have worked too hard in my life to lower myself to being a KEPT WOMAN. Nothing is wrong with that for some. For me, I can't do that. I want an equal partnership. I want someone I care about, someone who is worldly and does have power and excitement. Yes, he can pamper me sometimes. Yes, he can give me little trinkets--but not take away my independence.

So, let's just say this date didn't go as I had hoped. He's a nice guy...but he's not for me. Next week, I have to tell him that. I don't know how but I don't want to string him along. I like him as a friend. But not as a lover.

Am I going back to Ashley? Yes. I looked at the frogs I have in the pond and there is something about each one of them. Right now I am happy with my meetings with Mr. Porshe actually. PI wrote me this morning that he wants to see me....he has a present wrapped in a bow for me (hmmm..we all know its his cock!)

I have to tell the Electric Guys I am not interested (actually one is the boss of the other and they don't know it...small world.....lol). The MySpace dudes...I like the insurance guy. The lawyer is ok.

It's the time of year I think.... I heard from Soulmate Chris....MR. Navigator AND Divorce Lawyer this week.

So....what is up? I have a dozen men to choose from. The ones that I would want...do not want a steady thing....the ones who want a steady thing...I don't want. Hmmmm...life is complicated!

As for the broken heart-- I am so much better. Talking to DigEm made me happy. I miss him and think of him daily but he is within me. A special place. Mystery Man...all I can say is that the sadness is gone and the ANGER is full force. I will probably run into him at the motel...he will be with someone else and me with someone else....that's where we will see each other again. I still can't believe him. 8 months? I never ever expected this. I don't think I have ever been treated with such disrespect.

A New Pond Of Frogs

No one is going to replace DigEm. You don't get a pea pod connection like that in a lifetime so two? Oh that's not happening. BUT I am okay with that. I miss him everyday but thinking of him will always give me the warm and fuzzies and in my heart, I know I will hear from him again. And keeping that door open just a crack, is what I will always do.

Now as for Mystery Man....he is being replaced. I will find someone who can give me intense orgasms like that again. I am on a mission here. I will find someone who gives great emails and erotica.....yeah, you've read his emails...they are amazing. you can get wet from reading them.....

However, he's DONE!!!!! I will not be treated like that. It is HIS loss. And I give him two months to contact me. Of course, hopefully I will be strong and won't give in. Temptation will hopefully die... For him, I hope he doesn't find anyone on Ashley Madison. I hope his dick is hard and horny and the memories of what he threw away haunts him. There let's move on.....

Well, with all the emotion I was feeling and all the anger towards Mystery Man. I hit Ashley Madison with a vengence last week. I am not bragging BUT I do give good email. Good email is the key to Ashley Madison. Being friendly, sweet, caring, sexy and just a little distance YET attentive...is what pulls in a man.

I was busy emailing and looking for keys. Determined to find someone to fulfill this massive void. Well, I have a new pond of frogs. I didn't even realize it until last night as I was tossing and turning and thinking...oh man, they all want to see me next week.....so here's the list:

Mr. Porshe- he's the top frog right now. Into control. Yet I am having fun pulling out the pussycat in him. when I say control, its not a bad control....its a trust control where he does things for my benefit...like trying to make me orgasm over and over again. He's an amazing guy...We'll see where it goes. Traveling for a month in January, it could be tough for us.

Mr. Architect- A newbie to the Ashley world. His profile showed this amazingly BUF guy and I figured its not him so I erased it...lol When I came on again, he revoked me...I sent him back a request for the key and then he IM'd me. Geez, a girl can't get a 24 hour grace to look at your pix? And so the banter began. He's deep, he's sincere and he's very nice. He has potential, we are meeting today.

Mr. PI- he comes and goes...because of his work. He calls me from cases..and then he has to run....take video of the person. He loves his job. He said he was going to use me as a mannequin. That is a person that catches the man making a move on them to cheat. Talk about a double standard.....I never could do that. Here I write about cheating and then I trap people....nah,not a job for me. I will stick to the blog and giving advice and writing about my dramas.

There are the myspace friends---Lawyer, Insurance, MAfia..I spoke to all of them today.

There are the two Electricity men....one that was the ex-druggie and the other Mr.Juice that I like that we met last week for lunch.

And then the crazy guy who showed me pix of his wife and him fucking. The farther I push him away...the more he wants me. Men are so strange like that. If I wanted him, he wouldn't want me...

Mr Porshe is a great guy. He is a true gentleman..."Go use your gift certificate..." He knows me to well...I don't use the gift certificates and I don't usually buy something from myself. "If its not enough, let me know". Aww..so sweet. But we all know I wouldn't let him know.

And today, I had lunch with the Architect. Right now, I am a little to tipsy to write about it. Spent the night at my friend's house and we all sat around drinking like old times. It was really nice....they just kept filling up my glass with wine. Husbands upstairs and wives down....my girlfriend looked at me--- how was lunch? I rolled my eyes. She started to laugh.

I rushed this one...I didn't interrogate like I usually do. I have been so lucky..this was my second not so great date. That's pretty good for two and 1/2 years on Ashley.

A Class Act Like No Other!

I think in life the thought of finding a soulmate is one of those dreams. A dream that you never think will ever come true. Like winning the lotto. You want it but you don't really believe that dream will come true.

I found my soulmate. The pea in my pod. That person that my soul just connects with. I never hold anything back, I talk to him like no one else. DigEm.
Today in my spam was a note from DigEm...Thank God I checked my spam first. I quickly opened it as my heart skipped a beat.

With all that he is going through, he wrote to make sure that he didn't deprive me of any closer. He read my blog and he knew how much I was hurting and it hurt him. He knew I lost Mystery Man and then to lose him....he felt my pain.

I knew I shouldn't have...but I wanted to make sure the note was from him so I called him. Just hearing his voice....I felt the flood gates open...the emotions that had been bottled up just came pouring out. I don't even know what the emotions were...I was so happy to hear from him....I swear it was tears of joy that I had never experienced. Just to know he was okay, that he was taking steps to try and fix his marriage--I felt so much better. I was so worried about him. So worried about his state of mind. But considering everything, he was okay.

And here is world was turned upside down and he's worried about me. The tears just came uncontrollable...I couldn't even talk...but he kept talking. He handled it like a true class act. He told me that he thought of me everyday.....as I do him. We can't talk...its not fair to his marriage. With all my heart I want him to be happy. I truly hope he can make it work, that it will make him happy.

My biggest relief was that they are talking and really trying to work it out. That he isn't in a state of guilt and staying where the marriage is even worse because now his wife knew. They are working together to try and fix it. I am relieved.

He made me laugh....saying that we are two peas and that he has conversations with me in his head, knowing what I would say.....

I can't even begin to tell you how much I am going to miss him. I have never met anyone like him.. So caring, so selfless....no one has ever cared about me like he does. It's a special connection. I laughed he's worried about me and I am worried about him.

Saying good by, I couldn't even talk. The tears were like Niagara Falls. I couldn't say goodby....I can't say goodby...I don't really think this is goodby. I know in my heart we will see eachother again. I don't know if we will be 80...(hope I don't have alzheimers) but I know I will see him again. I just want us to just keep track of each other and know where we are in this world.

"I Love You" I told him. "I Love You Too" he said.

So, I had to cancel a lunch today....I am one big red puffball. But I can honestly say the emotions are so deep because they are filled with so many different feelings. Sadness, Happiness, Friendship, Loss, Desire, Soulness...

I ended up just napping for two hours and continuing this note.....I will finish in a few....but Blogger keeps acting up and I keep losing the end of this..

Closure MY WAY!

Determination. Perseverence. I was getting my damn closer no matter what. And last night, I got it. Over a week ago, I did my old trick....I''m not proud of it, but my girlfriend used her account to contact Mystery Man...ask for his picture. He never responded....I was surprised since he's been on Ashley so often.

Last night he responded. Yes, I got my closure. He is totally on the prowl for new meat. The words ran threw me like a song you have heard so often. The mental orgasm, the sensual paradise, the feeling you get when you see that person or even think about that person. Oh, he described us to the tee. I was pissed that he stole the paradise...that was our wording. And then when he threw in.....do you bite your bottom lip with seductive eyes and a sexy smile......now the rage overflowed....to think that he said that made me nuts. That was me. He used to make fun of my biting my bottom lip...it was when I was being naughty, a little shy and definitely horny.....

So, it just confirmed what I already knew. And it made it clear that I shouldn't wait for a response not should I even think about him anymore. I contemplated leading him on and making a meeting and ME showing up. I changed my mind. What would that prove? Instead, I am going for the more direct approach. Hopefully he will answer my questions...sounds like you had an affair that was like that? blah, blah, blah..... I will wait for his response and then......POOF...I am gone. No response nothing. A taste of his own medicine.....

Actually as I am typing this, he is back on Ashley Madison... I wonder if he responded? Be right back!

Okay here was his response.........I don't think I have to add anything....The Chapter Is Officially Closed....no need to say more.....Licking my wounds and beginning again....actually this answer made me feel better. At least he didn't deny us and he has good memories...

"Sounds like were on the same page. To answer your question, I've had one before and like all good things it came to an end. As far as my abilities in bed, I'd be tempted to send you references but I don't think that would go over to well with the other person. Suffice to say that when I'm with someone that I'm lusting after, they are in for one hell of a wild ride, an e-ticket at disney world.

So you didn't respond to any of my questions and you didn't send me your private key,so I can't really tell if your serious or not. Chemistry is important so bring it on if you dare. No sense in wasting time...and the sex meter is tciking....."

A Emotional Affair Day

Today, was a total rollercoaster. I had a meeting this morning for two of my children. Without getting into details, it is educated related and I have to advocate. So when I am done, I am all worked up and usually the adrenaline is flowing.

I was planning on meetng Mr. Porsche today. But you know how he is a control type. The two of us together....could be difficult today. I was angry. Angry at men. Angry at this new PI who seemed to have gotten cold feet. Angry at Mystery Man...oh the anger is so deep with him. CLOSURE--fucking idiot. Meet, kiss goodby and all the memories can be tied into a nice neat bow. No explanation, just disappear....I am so angry and I can't even think about us together. Thanks, a wasted 8 months that the memories are now vinegar instead of sugar. Stupid Fuck...

So meeting Mr. Porsche....who was going to try and control me was probably not a good idea BUT I did it anyway. With a built up anxiety attack coming on and a migraine....I walked into the room and just said "Okay....please rub my shoulders. I'm not trying to control, I just need my shoulders rubbed". He looked at me and smiled and led me to the bed. He was so sweet and just rubbed my neck and my shoulders and kissed it gently. I could feel the tension leaving....the stress melting away....my body finally relaxing.

I turned to him and then kissed him and threw him back, holding his hands down. We both started to laugh....."I know you are letting me control you...." Reality, he could have flipped me over in a second...so we started to kiss and I started to open his shirt and work my way down. Before I knew it, my shirt was off and I was just kissing him and we were fooling around.

Today was different....we talked a lot while we were playing.....he worked so hard to bring me to orgasm.....he talks me through it "come on baby, let go...go with it"....he brought new toys today...this rubber finger with nubs on it.....it felt gooooooood.....KY gel....very nice...a little vibrator and nipple clamps....which I actually LOVED!! My nipples like it rough....a direct line to my clit. I orgasmed pretty hard today. Then I went to working on him. It took a lot to get him to cum but he knew it was important to me that he did. I felt a million times better when his cum came shooting out of his cock. Accomplishment for me!! I love when he talks to me during sex I find it erotic and such a turn on. He's mentally controlling the situation....and I really like it....like a guided tour!

After he came, he became a pussycat. The control was gone, it was gone from both of us....and we just cuddled and talked.....it was so nice. I really liked it. And then of course, I start to tickle him and he started to wrestle with me...needless to say a pillow fight began and me slapping his ass (which he was shocked that I had the nerve to do it) and us wrestling and giggling and my ass hurt from him spanking me...I don't give up, as he was on the phone (taking full advantage here--I started to spank him--his face was priceless.....like are you really daring to do that?) We had a great time....I love to laugh during sex.

We showered and played a little......and then we got dressed....he handed me a holiday card. Open it in the car not here. I said okay....that was sweet. Oh meet me at my car, I have to give you something. Okay, I said. I went to his car and he handed me a box. Tears began to come to my eyes. Two days ago, he asked me about the holidays and as I was browsing the store I was telling him how I was kind of sad. That I love to give and this year with things the way they are, I wasn't going to be able to do what I like to do. What about the kids? Well, honestly, its not going to be the holiday it usually is for them but that's the way it is. I started telling him what they wanted and how I was going to pick that up for them. Well, he picked up the gift I wanted to get my son. I was shocked.......I can't take this....I got it wholesale--shut up and take it. He kissed me and drove away.

I got into the car and opened up his card. Inside was $150 and a Macys Gift Card. Buy yourself something special from me. Tears rolled down my face. This was probably the nicest thing someone has done for me in a real long time. I'm not used to people doing nice things...I'm the giver, not really sure how to receive. I called him....yu shouldn't have.....I wanted to...it makes me happy doing it. Here's a class act guy....

I came home and told our mutual friend....he already knew. He asked him how he could do something for me without it looking like a monetary thing....because he knew I would flip from that. I am not a "kept woman"--- too independent for that. And he didn't want to offend me...he just wanted to show that he cared and he wanted to do that for me.

So tonight, I feel good..actually, his gesture meant more than he will ever know...

A Closure Note to Mystery Man

I broke down. I couldn't take the no closure. I sent Mystery Man an email. The email said..."one day we are screwing in a storefront and now we aren't even talking. Quite frankly, I don't know what happened, but I do need closure. Can you give me that? I need to say good by to you face to face...

No response except if you call two trips on Ashley a response. My insides are twisting. I made him promise me a million times after the first time he went MIA that he wouldn't do it again. I hate him right now. How do guys not need closure? For me its like not reading the end of a mystery novel. It is the end of the damn fairytale. And then you are left with your happy memories. Now, the memories hurt. They anger me....I just wanted to look him in the eyes and hug him and say good by.

As soon as he saw me going on Ashley tonight...he went off. Does he think I am stalking? No, I am so mad. Men are such damn babies sometimes. They are cowards , they run.

I am meeting Mr. Porsche tomorrow. I need some sexual relief. I spke with the two new guys today--just briefly...I am turning bitter, I am angry...this is not a good place to be right now.

Cheating? So What Is The Real McCoy

After two years of talking to hundreds of people who are cheating, thinking of cheating or just disgusted by cheating--here is my view on it...


Cheating is one of those things of different levels. Just like the word love--there are different loves, there are different cheating.


--Flirting in person (but not touch) may be cheating to the spouse...but its not a total relationship killer.


--Online IMing-- I think those who are 25 plus, don't understand it. It's the next generation who is going to really decide if its cheating. Are words that go back and forth really damaging to a marriage? Its really on the level of internet porn or phone sex. Until you have developed a real connection with that person----it could be anyone on the other side end of the computer. It should be a sign that your relationship is missing something....that you are missing something. Personally, its not a marriage breaker...think of it as a warning.


Online IMing and building a connection--- it depends on the connection. Gotta say, I don't see this as cheating....its more of an emotional connection. It's not a physical touch BUT its certainly laying the groundwork for potential cheating. A spouse who catches you doing this---gets a feeling that you are cheating because they feel rejected. They feel like you are going somewhere else emotionally. I think a connection like this shouldn't break up a marriage but also be a warning.


OnLine Webcamming--okay, this is where we are crossing the line a little. I don't think its cheating...I just think its a moral issue at this point. A spouse is more mortified that their spouse did this then whether this is cheating or not.


Here's a winner. I was online IMing with this guy who I had told I couldn't be with him. We knew some of the same business people. No way, I can't do that. Well, he proceeded to ask me if I wanted to see pix of him. I didn't expect them to be nudes (we just said we were going to be friends). He proceeds to show me pix of him fucking his wife. I mean he showed it all (including her face). Now to me---this is worse than cheating. She has no idea that he shows these pictures to anyone. Disgust was an understatement.


Now the real questions-- meeting a person for coffee? Building a friendship? Kissing someone? Fondling someone?-- Personally, these are all warning signs to a relationship in trouble. Having exactly crossed the line yet.


Fingering, Oral Sex and Intercourse---Men don't think anything but intercourse is cheating. For me, once you insert a body part (finger, tongue, cock)...you have connected on a different level.


A couple of my friends have gotten caught lately. Probably 6 people I know. Different levels of getting caught. But I gotta tell ya....personally, each one was not a vicious thing...it hurt them that they were even "wandering" but there was something missing in their lives. Some more extreme than others.


Is cheating ever justified? Those who are happy and have never been there will say "NO WAY!!" are you crazy?


Well there are those who just like to cheat. There marriage is fine, they just need their ego stroked. Well, this person I think is a different cheater. He is player through and through.


Then there is the other group. Those who have felt that emptiness, that void that constant unhappiness.....almost a desperation feeling.....will say yes. while this may sound strange...most are cheating for their own sanity...they are actually cheating because they hope their marriage will turn around, they want to be happily married. They have gone to their spouse and have let them know they aren't happy....but nothing changes for years. The spouse knows there is a problem, yet they do nothing. Their insides are aching.....and then..they meet someone..who makes that feeling go away. Someone who gives them that completeness. They get angry because they wish it was with their spouse. They truly didn't want to wander.



I'm sure I will get blasted for that last paragraph...but I am just trying to explain that not all cheaters are out to hurt their spouses. They want their marriages to work.



Cheri's advice for the day:

So, if your spouse says to you "something isn't right. they ask for you to work on it." Don't go into denial, its not going to go away. Confront it, work on it before it gets worse. Nip it in the butt. If they are telling you, it is bad already. Probably right before they are going to wander.

What constitutes cheating? Ashley Madison?

I need a break from me and my dysfunctional life so lets talk a little philisophy!!

At coffee, the Private Investigator and I discussed...what constitutes cheating? In his business, he has seen a lot. Men who were getting their portrait done by an artist for their anniversary (to surprise the wife), he's found men having an affair with other men and he's even been propositioned by the wife right after she watched her husband on tape.

If my husband was cheating, I wouldn't want to know the details. Even if we were madly in love..what's the point? Will it make me feel better? I don't care how bad your marriage is, it doesn't make you feel better. It's a martyr move...

So back to the original question from when this blog began--- what constitutes cheating?
From what I have seen....the answer seems to be different for everyone. The spouse who is being "cheated on" will feel any interaction is cheating. While the one thinking of straying usually thinks its actual intercourse.

So is talking to someone who is unhappy and has a similiar void on Ashley Madison....cheating? Is just signing up for Ashley cheating? And if you are going to get busted for talking online....is it worth going the whole distance?

On the computer, the interaction is different. The boundaries are different...if you've never tried IM then you would not know. Everyone seems to get much freer. It's so much easier to type your feelings, inner thoughts and desires. Its almost like writing in my blog. You can easily get it out there....in person, I would never tell a guy I like it from behind. Even after I might have talked to a guy about what I like--when we meet--its more REAL conversation.

I've been thinking a lot. Yesterday I did something really stupid...left my phone in the car and my husband took my car. If he saw, I don't thinkI would care that much except that it would be out.....however, I didnt want my kid reading it. I mean I remember the thought of my parents being romantic or sexual...it was gross. My kid gets grossed out when his friends say...you know your mom is hot! Ewww who wants a hot mom? And with his friends, I dress purposely in a big sweatshirt,no makeup...really low key.

So tomorrow will be a reminder of cheating tips! (okay I am in denial right now--just trying to heal my heart a little so why not give you some tips!!)

Sweet dreams..