Monday Secret Lovers Lane Update

Quick Update:

Wow its been too long. Sorry! Quite frankly its been really quiet. I've been feeling under the weather and swamped with work. I have 5 clients now...its insane. Now I need the money from them....they are all unfortunately in the planning stage which is the most work for me but the compensation doesn't come till later.

Hubby is acting like nothing happened. Except I do see he is trying a smidge more which I am glad. It makes it more tolerable here than when he is miserable. I call him Archie Bunker sometimes as he goes off on a rant. but these last few days have been okay. I am not in love anymore, I cannot see living like this forever but its better than it was last week....

DigEm and I are going along so great. He makes me happy. He fills that void in my heart. emotionally and mentally...we are on the same page. Two peas in a pod! Unfortunately, we are physically so far away from each other.
We snuck a call at midnight last night....he was out and pulled into a parking lot, I was outside on my deck staring at the stars. we were truly secret lovers just sharing our day, feelings, desires. He's amazing. I feel a calm inside of me. Sadly we both have such passion and we are both married to people who do not. We are like two little lovebirds when we are talking....my heart just overflows with compliments for him because he just makes me feel so good.

So that I find myself not getting upset that he is far away...I have been chatting with men on myspace.

I met a Mafia Man on MySpace. I am trying to keep a distance...but he is quite persistent. Whatever you wish is my command....he says my eyes and smile melt him. He even admitted to jerking off to my picture.....Honestly, he's not my type. I am going to start easing my way out of that one. We spoke for two hours this weekend and well, he reminds me of the Sopranos. Houses all over, doesnn't exactly work, very flashy...if I wanted a Sugar Daddy, he would be it.

Businessman is on vacation this week. We will meet again when he gets back but honestly our schedules were both crazy this past week. Same with the attorney..he's very dry, very serious but he is drawn to my humor. I make him smile and its very few who do.

Found myself thinking about two important frogs this week who were my closest friends--always thought they would be something but they are gone. Tadpole and Podcaster. Quite frankly, I miss their friendships. But I am glad they were there for me when they were. Miss ya but I do understand the departures.

BORING huh? Yeah, life has been boring this week. Didn't want to contaminate a frog with my cold!! And Mystery Man, I sent him a note....I do miss him. He read it, no response...I would have liked closure. I keep remembering our last time together....I had no idea it was over but I did something I've never done before...he was walking out and I was sitting on the bed...I said "hey, come here for a minute"...he walked back in...and he knew I wanted a kiss...we held each other and kissed again...I rubbed his check and said have a great week....and we hugged and kissed again....

I had no idea that was my closure kiss.....funny, any other time, i wouldn't have remembered our last kiss....this one just stood out because him standing in the doorway made me so already miss him. I guess the sun shining on him and him turning looking at me with a sweet smile and michievous eyes is a great last memory....

You know the Bon Jovi Song...Wanna Make a Memory? Makes me smile so much......

I can't listen to Lips of Morphine or Lips of an Angel without sadness.....but Nasty Bitch does make me laugh. We had a cd that we played over and over each time..it was hot...the songs were dripping....now its hard for me to listen to them..its mixed..I get a rush of our passion and hot sex....but then the sadness that it is gone.

Oh well.....tomorrow is another day.....yup...the beginning of the week (well it already started) Hopefully is will be agreat one for all of us!!

To My Favorite Reader.....Stalin

Ironically, you have no email or way to be reached. For someone who is so disgusted with my life.....what makes you comeback? why are you drawn to me? Did you ever ask yourself why you have such a hatred inside of you?

How perfect that you picked Stalin as your name. A man who was cruel, hated and was never loved by anyone. Interesting choice of a name to choose. A man who hurt millions, a man who drove his son to suicide. A man who had a heart of stone....

So dear Stalin, I don't hate you even though your words are meant as venom....the anger is so deep inside of you. You always manage to rear your head when I am at my weakest.

well darling....my life is dysfunctional....BUT I am a good person wtih a good heart. I am proud to have a truly good soul. I care about the world around me and the people around me care about me. I have a HUGE support system and I am quite successful and lucky for my life.

It's you I feel bad for. Such hatred.....you should let it go before it eats you alive.....

xoxoxo
Cheri

PS I always thought men from Texas were soooo much more nicer...

Did I dream it?

As if I said nothing....as if we didn't even have the altercation in the driveway. He walked in and has said nothing. Went to the dinner, ate, went down to watch tv. Spoke to me like I never freaked...

Hmmmm....did I dream it all? No...but this is going to go on forever. He is not going to let it me go. Not going to fix it but not going to let me go either.

Geez......

And if you have nothing nice to say...didn't your momma teach you not to say it. If you ain't feeling that void, you won't understand....I can take contructive criticism and advice from friends...but meanies will be deleted....

I don't want to be married to you anymore!

Bounced checks, overdrawn accounts, fighting and taking my keys so I was late for an iimportant meeting (an accident that happens all the time). Threatening to take days off from work (bringing in less money)........it was coming, it was coming....

"Why don't you take the rest of your life off. In fact, I don't want to be married to you anymore. Do you hear me? I have had enough, I can't take another minute...." I exploded.

And this time, he believed me I think. He hasn't come home, he hasn't called. This might be the end. Part of me feels some relief to have said those words. Part of me is petrified since I am already so in debt. But the reality that we both knew was finally put into words.

"I don't want to be married to you anymore".

And so the drama has begun.

MySpace Friends Are eh

FLAT...yeah, that's the MySpace connections. They aren't really great emailers or romancers. I like the Ashley guys better...they seem to have a way with giving good email!

Nothing moving in any direction with the myspace guys. we go back and forth by email but no earth shattering, lustful words worth mentioning. I wonder if its because I have connected with DigEm so well. DigEm and I are two peas in a pod. We think a like, our morales are alike, our sense of humor is alike. I can talk to him for hours and hours and still not get enough of him. We both have a passion within us. A passion that is stifled by our spouses. Distance is so great, its not realistic. But I am going to make an attemtpt to go to him in two weeks. I need to see him. I need to feel him....I want his lips....yummy!!

I've been a little under the weather. Bad cold, bad headache and no energy. Also fighting a bit of depression I think. I need a little break by myself. A getaway...no family, husband or frogs. Just me and my thoughts....

The Myspace Meeting

I met the myspace guy again. This is the businessman one. I don't know... I think he's a myspace flirt. Doesn't matter but I just don't like to be played...he's on there a lot for someone who supposedly hasn't really met snyone from there that he liked.

Anyway, I was exhausted..end of the day, no makeup and I felt all sweaty. Not the most attractive look but I wanted to meet him. We met in a local parking lot. His windows are totally tinted so no one can see anything.

We sat and talked and I don't know if its good or bad but we talked about work. What he does, etc.... I wasn't feeling super sexual with him. He's cute, I like him, I like talking to him....but I don't feel that wooosh....LOL With Mystery Man, I couldn't wait to suck him, feel him, attack him. with Digem, I can't wait for his lips to touch me......with myspace guy...its nice...I like it..something is missing on our connection. I am not sure what it is.....I think I am into brains these days...he's smart but he's more looks....(did I just say that...I want to just fuck a brain?--lol)

Anyway, he was certainly into me....his cock was standing straight up within his pants and it was harder than a rock....I went down on him...licking and sucking....mmmmmm.....it was good...didn't last long because he was so excited..in fact, as he was cumming I didn't realize he was there already and I 1/2 swallowed and the rest shot all over and dripped out of my mouth....we both were laughing.

Now, I was so damn wet...horny beyond belief...he fingered me and I got wet but I didn't cum. I would have liked if he finished me off but we didn't have time...so I left.....very horny and wet. I came home and finished myself. It didn't take much, a few circles, I was drenched..I could feel it dripping out of me..and I felt the shivers throughout my body...... ahhhhh.....much better.

So, that's it....we've spoken online since then. It's kind of flat. Not sure where it is going. The myspace lawyer is very attentive and I will be meeting him next week for lunch again. He's such a gentleman in contrast to the other myspace lawyer who was hysterical. He contacted me again....."Change your mind yet?" hee.hee He has a good sense of humor. We talked a little and I like him but he's after just fucking. I can see myself only getting hurt there even though he is so damn hot. He actually found some of the hottest women on myspace (he made 8 more friends). I am not surprised...he's really a great looking guy. I hope they know what he is about.



And then tonight I see this story.... WOMAN GETS PROBATION FOR PUBLIC SEX.....
YIKES! So how many of us would be in trouble here?!?!

FARGO, N.D. - A woman has pleaded guilty to having sex in a public place, with a man who allegedly wore a kilt and exposed himself to passing vehicles.

Chandra Schaefer, 20, of Fargo, was accused of having sex with Nathan Blair, 24, of Moorhead, Minn., on a car and then near a pine tree in late July.

Blair has pleaded not guilty to misdemeanor charges of indecent exposure and fornication.

Schaefer was given a year of unsupervised probation and ordered to pay $300 in fines and fees.

And the Drama Continues.....

You know the summer is starting to come to an end when your friends who were away at their summer homes start returning. Yeah, the summer is coming close to an end....quite honestly, I didn't even see any of it. I definitely need to take a day or two to relax with the kiddies and enjoy it. Hard when the hubby bounces checks again...yup, he steals the checks, writes them and hopes that I will cover them....always blind sides me. It's absolutely insane. The knot that is in my chest right now....I can't even explain it. I wish I knew what I could do....I am beginning to feel defeated.


Well Mandy is back in town. She came over last night and we just sat and laughed for hours. She is funny. She thinks because she is not online looking, technically she is not really cheating because it finds her. What!?!? She's a pissa!


She came to my house....we flirted online for a little bit with myspace man and then her fling called. She hasn't seen him in 2 months. She left and I continued to talk to myspace man....next thing I know (maybe 15 minutes later) she called...I'm done, coming back. Huh?! So I said to my space man....she's done? What? She's done? Did she even stop her car? I don't know..


They met, they kissed.....he felt, she felt, she sucked...2 minutes later....it was over...a kiss and on the road.... Wow...I was honest with her...that wouldn't be enough for me.


DigEm and I had a great conversation today. My heart just jumps when I see that he is on the phone. He just makes me feel so great....the damn distance....so difficult.

As predicted, the attorney bought credits...can I take you all out to lunch on $27.50...? Okay, I did something even worse..he sent his picture and I wrote..sorry dear, you aren't my type...lol This was yesterday.

Today, he sent me a text. Wanna see you tonight? What? He is kidding right? Does he think I am at his call or have such little respect for myself? "Sorry, got plans..I wrote". He wrote back...."how about a quicky?" Okay, you have a quicky with someone you know and are sleeping with regularly,, not the first meeting. so I wrote back..."sorry baby, want more than what you are offering. Got plans with a real gentleman tonight"! Asshole....buy yourself a prostitute.

The day went on and I felt bad. I am such an idiot. But it was out of character for me to be such a bitch. I called. He was hurt and apologized for being a dick. Okay, we parted as friends. I told him, I hope you find what you are looking for....i am just not it. So sad, he was so damn hot and we would have had fun. But I couldn't stand the way he made me feel. Oh well.....

I met businessman myspace again tonight.....details to follow tomorrow....

Sexually Charged and Horny

Mondays are my favorite....the frogs come out of the ponds to play.....and today was fun!


Okay so what is it with attorneys? I am amazed at their attitudes. Cocky and abrasive is pretty much the best way to explain it. used to getting what they want and bulldozing in......Right now, there are three attorneys on my plate. Yup, divorce attorney is back. He wants me to meet him again. Well I thought the ultimatum of shit or get off the pot (and the fact that I got off the pot) was the end to us. But he reappeared yesterday claiming he can't stop thinking of me.


Now the new attorney...is an exact replica of him. The same crude and abrasive mouth....dirty talk and yet in some ways enticing. I had that with the weirdo who attacked me in the train station (another lawyer who thought it was okay to go up my skirt in the restaurant and finger me in the ass on the platform)....


Well this one is suave....he is on a mission. Wifey is out of town so he was relentless today to get me wet...and well he succeeded. I was dripping from our conversation...so much so that I had to go upstairs and masturbate. While he was on the phone with me, I fingered myself until I climaxed.....mmmmmmm...I so needed it. He was so excited that I did it with him on the phone. It was pretty hot.....but he pushes and pushes and pushes....quite honestly in one way he turns me off...in another he turns me on. His cock looks huge (he shared a pix) and he did the sweetest thing (you know I am a sucker for sweetness)....I told him "listen, I am not a score for your mission this week...find someone else for the week and get back to me next week. you have 11 friends to choose from on myspace...go play". that afternoon I go back to his myspace and I am the only one up there. He removed all his friends and wrote...my only friend on myspace~~~ he's suave!! But then he disappeared...tonight..

Where did he go? He's a DOG!! lol And I am so glad I found out how devious he is....

I was talking to him about having an affair and I told him about Ashley Madison. He had asked me about me other affairs....so I said I meet the men on this website that is for married people looking. Now, I didn't have to tell him but the reality is...we are nothing and well let him play..he's hot, really hot, powerful, cocky BUT there was something underlying.....I think its the fact that he talks like I am a dirty whore and he's devious. You know how I get vibes from people...a red flag went up with him.

So I did something funny and devious. I knew when I gave him the information about Ashley so I checked my log. A man in his area signed up within minutes of the email I sent him. Now I knew it was him. I've never done this before...but I had to see what was going on...went to the profile and boom...its him. He was like a kid in the candy store...he was on Ashley searching all night into the morning.

In fact, remember the other account I have on Ashley....he sent a wink to that account. I don't really care except admit it to me...admit you are a player and want to have fun. Not make it like I am the only thing that matters....hee.hee.... okay, I did something bad. I sent a wink back. So what's wrong with that? He has to join to contact me now...which means he has to pay money...which means....I get my affiliate percentage. So, I am going to make money on him and I get to play with him...

Do I feel bad? Nah....he's sleezy....he deserves it. And honestly, he's so smooth, he will get a bunch of women on the site....and hurt them. Too bad there isn't a conference area to exchange notes on guys.......hmmm...that is giving me an idea....the money signs are going off in my head!!

Have a great day!!

Positive Thinking and the Frogs

Positive thinking....positive thinking...positive thinking... Have you ever seen the DVD The Secret or read the book? I just read the book and while there are some really great theories in there, its a hard thing to incorporate into my life. The bottom line is that we are all magnets and everything that happens to us is attracted to us based upon our thoughts. So if you are thinking negative, all negative will happen to you.... positive....and you can have whatever you want.

Now this is where it is losing me...it says not to wish but act like you already have these things and they will be drawn to you even more. So if you want that convertible.....think you have it already, go test drive it. etc. etc.

So I am trying to do this. And I am all positive and I go downstairs to turn on my washing machine and its raining in my basement. Hmm....a pipe burst or something....so I am shocked., running around like a crazy lady shutting off water connections, climbing into the crawl space looking for the problem. etc. etc. Needless to say, my finished basement is looking pretty bad. Okay, I didn't want this nor was I even thinking about this.....so what the fuck??!

Ahh...but then my crazy friend came over....she just looked at me and began laughing so ...hard. I had plaster in my hair, I had dirt all over my face......."oh this is a new look for you!" both laughed. so where is the positive? I have been bitching about cleaning out the basement for weeks...now granted, I have water to deal with and now a gross smell...but my basement is finally clean.....ok, I'm trying here with this positive shit....lol

Sexually? I am busy, busy, busy flirting online. Actually, I am playing with three men on myspace right now. And from a personality standpoint they are all so different. I haven't named them yet.....two attorneys and one businessman. I met 1 attorney and the businessman...I liked them very different... And the other attorney....absolutely hot, great conversation but he's on a mission...his wife is going out of town this week and he is determined to get laid. He has been racking in the friends on myspace...3 new potentials. What does it mean when a guy is into older women? He's 36 but everyone is older that he looks at. He's into women in their mid to late 40's. I don't think that's my thing. Not sure what that means....

Okay, a note just came in from the lawyer and the businessman......I like Mondays. As for Digem...things are still great. Just so hard because of the distance.....I need local play toys because it doesn't hurt then.

Gotta get to work.......have a great day!! Remember positive thinking!!!!!!

A Pond Of Frogs, I should be hopping

Narcisstic?! ME?!? Oh my...Stalin obviously doesn't get it....INSECURE MORON is more like it. I wasn't trying to brag about the number of men.....I was trying to prove a point...that it doesn't matter how many men its the right one that would make the difference. Not the numbers.....yeah, I am such the bed notch type of women......(I am talking about Stalin;s comment to the last post)....Go Away Stalin, you wait for me to be vulnerable and down and then you pounce...I kind of feel bad for you....such built up hatred...

Has anyone read or seen the dvd "The Secret". I am trying really hard to get into it but its not an easy read. The concept "We are magnets in this universe and whatever we think is drawn to us....positive or negative" As a person who believes in Action....I am having a hard time with this. My philosophy in life has always been if you work for it, you can get it. this philosophy is you don't have to work for it...just believe you already have it..positive energy brings whatever you want. I have to continue reading it.....but I am certainly having a hard time with that.

And I am relatively a positive person....anyone have success with it?

I am surprised and worried...I have not been horny in over a week. A very unusual event for me. No masturbation, no rollercoaster.....this week I have been flat...and not due to a lack of men (and I am not being cocky here with that statement). I had a crazy week of men where all of them seemed to resurface this week. Soulmate Chris,, Mr. Springer, Fireman, Divorce Attorney, Navigator, Mr. Prize, CG, the Surgeon, and then of course the two new guys and DigEm. So shouldn't I be feeling overly happy with all this attention? I am not....wish I knew why. But something was in the damn air!! And my Ashley account was going wild!

So here's a great story.....I met this guy on married secrets. We became just friends (we had people in common and we weren't each others types). Anyway, we became really great friends. He came to me two weeks ago....wife was away for a week and he wanted to play. He had just gotten out of something with a 25 year old (he's 50!!) Anyway, I helped him with his Ashley Madison profile.....basically what I look for in a man. Within a week.....three woman...met two and has this great connection now with one of them. they spent almost a whole week in bed...

So maybe there is a matchmaking consultant job I can find. You know how there are people who consult you to get a job, people who consult you to get into colleges,,,,,I should be an secrt lover affair consultant....do you think that exists? Would I charge by the successful affair? How many times they fuck? LOL Well I got my finders fee with him....he took me out to lunch when they first made contact. Now, he's too busy in bed...

Have a great weekend!

The Mood

Both Scarlett and Rosie are soooo right on with their comments to my last post. thanks gals!!


I went walking this morning.....and tried to clear my head. Get away from the situation and try to examine what I am feeling. I do have choices...I have a lot of choices in front of me. Scarily, I added it up and I can call 8-10 men.....and I have a meeting with any one of them. I'm not being cocky when I say that....just going through the frogs and which ones I am on good standing with and who have offered themselves recently.


However, the reality is that I am in search of something else. It's not just sex....its not a marriage commitment either....its someone who makes me feel whole. And the person would have to be a really great friend, someone I can laugh and joke with and enjoy being with, someone who is compassionate and can really be my friend and me his. Someone who I am sexually attracted to and think he is soooo hot, someone who gives me room to be me and enjoys me and someone that is close to my area. Quite honestly, I haven't found anyone that truly fits those criteria. MYstery Man was close but he wouldn't give that friendship. Dig-em is perfect but the distance is too much for anything serious. I can go on and on...each one is something else.


So I guess after meeting two men yesterday.....the first that he was too intense and I felt he could be very difficult. And then the second one, who was not exactly my type (he was hot though--but I go for a different type)......he kissed great....he had potential...his voice annoys me a little...


So that is why I was sad. I think the fact that I have so many options yet none are the full option I need. the feeling that I will search and search and the right frog is not there for me. Granted I am having fun searching but sometimes the search is so time consuming and empty.


Digem and I were on the phone this morning...he is so damn cute...we are definitely two peas in a pod. So I wonder, should I have married someone like that? I mean we laugh and sing and joke all the time. I have so much fun....

Two Dates In One Day

I seem to be at a crossroads right now. Today I tried an experiment. I decided to meet both men from my space--one for lunch, the other for afternoon coffee. I got along with both of them and quite honestly, they both asked me out again. I was a breath of fresh air and fun for one and the other one said he thought I was amazing and filled with passion.

so I should be floating right? I'm not...can't get excited about these meetings anymore. Seems like I always find the ones that are afraid of any connection. I wait for the second shoe to fall. It seems to always come no matter what they say and promise.

Dig'em....the distance is horrible. An obstacle that I can't overcome here. If he was local, everyday would be a party. We would be like little kids giggling all the time. Like first lovers....I just enjoy him so much. I think part of me found these myspace men to cushion my heart with Dig-Em. Cushion the second shoe falling since the cards are stacked against us. but then when we talk...we just laugh and laugh and laugh...its great.

Meeting #1- met at a nice restaurant. This guy is a high power guy. Yeah, one of those big swigs who is very serious and type A personality all the way. So my challenge, to make him smile and laugh...and come on...you know me...I had him laughing hysterical. Pulled him right in with my sweet charm...hee.hee. I liked him. He was nice, kinda cute....was into his power a lot. But I know my wall needs to be very high with him. He's ruthless. I can tell...I know his type well, don't cross them. So I will take this one very cautiously. A thank you for lunch and a kiss good by (peek on the lips). As we pulled away, I yelled out my window...better wipe that lipstick of your lips.....he answered...nope I want to taste you for as long as I can.....he's suave.

Meeting #2- down to earth and very nice. A potential more realistic meeting here...beautiful blue eyes.....I felt so comfortable with him. we drank our ice coffee and talked and laughed. I enoyed his company a lot. And he obviously enjoyed mine because I could see his cock was as hard as a rock......we were talking and then he reached over and kiss me...it was really nice. He must of text me a hundred times after our meeting. I want to keep it distant a little...he was so cute. As he said...I wouldn't do this unless the girl was worth it. Guess I am worth it!

So, I should be floating right? I'm not. I don't know what it is. I am looking for something that I have a feeling does not exist. Of course, it doesn't help that hubby starts pawing at me when I get home. I rush in make dinner, take care of the kids, everything in record time. ThenI had someone coming for construction estimate. He just walks out of the house and its 3 hours later, no where to be found. .

It's getting bad here.....its been building and something is going to give...not sure what though but something is going to give...I feel it starting to come to a head. sigh..

So that was my day. Two dates in one day.....and i thought I would be totally happy....

Rollercoaster Ride

Life can be a rollercoaster sometimes.....okay, everyday is a rollercoaster for me...

Dig-Em and I had great text the rest of the weekend. Today, something went wrong. He brought something up and well....it didn't go very well. Without getting into details...it was about a past relationship he had and how he had happened to talk to her today. How great their conversation was.....hmmmmm..........I don't do well with that. You see, this is where the spoiled brat in me comes out. We were together this weekend...you could have told me you spoke to her on Thursday.....today, I expected you to tell me how much you missed me and wanted me and couldn't wait to see me again. Oh he said it....but it was a little too late.

I took that as a sign that he wanted to make sure that I wasn't thinking we were exclusive...which is fine. Distance is an issue. But don't, don't do that to me like that. Be open, let's talk it out....don't take that childish approach. yes, the tsunami in me was coming...I could feel it inside my chest.

We spoke later and well I told him how I felt. Quite honestly, I told him we should see other people too. We are too far apart for an exclusive affair......and quite frankly its the old goose and gander thing in my book. I am not going to sit back like I have in the past and wait for him. We need to be mature adults and realistic. no pressure and when it stops feeling good...we part. That's what I told him.

His reaction? Well, he wasn't crazy about knowing about other men. but as I pointed out...if he goes to my blog, he's going to know and he comes to my blog everyday for over a year. So we are in a little dilemna.

i have come to the conclusion that I have a problem with the Ashley Madison and myspace. It's too easy for me to jump on and find someone....as soon as he upset me....poof....I go on a search. My heart is afraid to be hurt...my ego is bruised. I need to fill that void...so, I sent out 4 new friend requests on myspace.

To my surprise, I got 4 new friends.....LOL So now here is my question.....is everyone cheating or is everyone on myspace also looking? I requested 4 new friends today, spoke to all 4 of them...and two of them asked me out already....yes, they are married. Wow, I was surprised.

then Dig-em called me on my way home. We spoke and cleared the air. I told him how I felt and I need it to be an open relationship right now. Gotta protect this heart of mine.....but I have to tell you....our sense of humors are both warped. we go off on tangents and my stomach hurts from laughing so hard. I mean, you can't imagine the weird things that make us both laugh. I tell him he's afraid of the letter I...... so I call him and just scream "I" into the phone (because Love You is okay but I love you is death!!). Other stupid things.....when we don't see eye to eye...I say Listen Yang....(get it Ying and Yang)...

okay, I am warped...but I do enjoy him tremendously.....Just snuck outside to say goodnight to him. I am sitting in the dark on my deck whispering to him......I felt like a little teenager again...giggling and whispering......damn, I wish he was closer.

Okay, off to bed...I am exhausted...sweet wet dreams!!

Dig'Em and I finally met...the secret lover rendezvous

We met....it was amazing!!

This is a hard post to write because I know he will be reading it but I am always true to my blog and he knows that and he actually wants me to write what I want. He doesn't feel its fair for me to hold back....so I am going to tell you our meeting....

I pulled up and he looked just like his pix....we were both nervous but it was a good nervous. I start to blush...all of a sudden I am really shy.....we start to kiss....we hug...it felt so damn good. we needed to get out of the parking lot.....

Now it was strange in a way.....I think because of our emotional attachment. It was weird looking into his eyes and seeing him live. He felt the same....I can't explain it. We wanted each other so bad yet...it was as if our minds couldn't comprehend the person we had such a connection with....was sitting in front of us.

We are both pleasers and get off from pleasing someone else...which can cause a few issues when you both want to please the other....so it took us a little to get acclimated....but we did compromise. Oh boy did we compromise!!

First, to my surprise, no one had ever gotten dressed in sexy lingerie for him. So....I sent him a text the day before---red, black or leopard? He chose leopard!! So, in my leopard bra, fishnet stockings and garter belt and my leopard thong with black high heels....i think he was flattered that I took the time to get dressed special just for him.

Well compromising began and I gave in first.....I allowed him to eat me out BUT only if he let me taste him first.....mmmm..... He knows how to use that tongue and those lips and those fingers...I just lied there and let myself be taken away until the rush came over me.....he was determined to make me cum and he did...boy did he. My body shook and I could hear myself moaning.

He was still a little nervous...well I don't know if it was nervous but anxious. I insisted that I wanted to please him. I wanted to suck his cock and enjoy it.....mmmm....I love sucking cock and when his started to grow in my mouth it was heaven.......I could have licked and sucked him for hours...

I leave my phone on during my meetings. I know, you must be thinking WHAT?!? but I have responsibility and while I would love to escape them all....I can't total disconnect. A call came in...that was really important and upsetting to me. But you all know that I am used to dealing with issues on my own....I'm always on my own....I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, Digem heard that I was stressing and he came over and put his arms around me while I was on the phone. I layed my head in his arms and he held me tight as I was dealing with the problem. I can't tell you how amazing that was. I can't even tell you what that felt like to me.....I wasn't alone. For the first time, I was being comforted by someone during a stressful situation.....it was like a revelation..

When I got off the phone....the day took another turn. We totally connected on a different level. The nervousness left, the openness was there even more and the connection was even more intense. We lied down and our naked bodies were entwined and we talked and he held me and we cuddled. We kissed with a passion that I swear I could feel electricity go through my body. Slow and sensual....it was so damn hot. I could feel the wetness increasing in between my legs and my body yearning for him. He felt it too because the kisses made him hard again....man, I never realized how a kiss could cause such a reaction to both our bodies.

We played some more, we couldn't stop kissing each other...it was as if our connection refueled both of us. I never felt such passion before...it was really unbelievable. The five hours flew by...yeah five hours and we couldn't separate....

Oh, you all know I am a nut...there wasn't enough time to joke around tons....we just had so much already on the agenda.....sex, oral sex, cuddling, kissing...I mean it took hours....but we did get to lie there for a little. And, his sense of humor is as offbeat as mine. Which is hysterical because its as if we were feeding off of each other.......I don't know how but I was talking to his cock....I mean having my own personal conversation...then, his cock released some post cum and it looked like a mouth opening...without thinking a song came to my mind "Manamana". do you know it from sesame street? Well....all of a sudden I started his cock singing the song...he was dying...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KC9FtLQJoGM

Okay, I am very off....but I couldn't help myself and honestly, he was very amused.
So, it was time to leave. So sad that I had to leave his arms. I felt an amazing connection that I really, really enjoyed. He's my friend, my lover and a person with an amazing heart of gold. Wow, he's a keeper.

So this afternoon, I am so damn content and feel in balance. My heart is singing again and filled with happiness. Distance is a problem But hopefully we will figure out a way to make this work. I love this feeling in my heart...and its actually great for my head as well....its as if my head is more focused and I am re-fueled. Wow.....I love secret lovers and secret rendezvous!

I didn't want to go right home...so conveniently, I met a friend after from Ashley Madison. We had decided that we weren't a romantic match but we were so much a like we enjoyed each others company. I am his confidant. Anyway, I will post about our dinner together (I hung with him while he was waiting for his own Ashley match today--hee.hee)

Getting Closer!!

I just got out of the bath and I am so relaxed. Every muscle is like jello right now. I love that after a full day.

confession time......after my last post. I couldn't concentrate. Mr, Long Distance Lover (Digem) was going through my head. My concentration is so bad sometimes when I am horny. Do you get that way too? If you cum, do you get more focused and productive? I do...

So, just sitting at the computer.....I began to think of my new lover....I put his pix up on the screen and I began to play with myself. It didn't take much.....I was so wet, the juices were flowing. I put my fingers inside and used the juices as lube for my clit...super wet.....some little circles and thinking about being with him...and all the muscles inside tightened. I wanted him....I wanted him so badly that I could almost feel him....with one finger inside.......I pressed on the walls and I could feel my whole body arch. To my surprise, I even let out a little moan. The rush that went through my head...the high.....mmmmmmm........

So, I felt so much better...more focused and ready to start my day....damn, I love new lovers. Such a great high it is....

Other frogs....still no word from Mystery Man. But honestly, I am okay with that. I am mad that he would just disappear like that.....I haven't thought of him in days. Navigator...he's moping. you see a high powered man like that is used to getting what he wants when he wants it. Sadly, Cheri is not into bending over backwards unless it is a position I want in the bedroom. So, he's moping. I didn't meet him today because--well honestly--I can't sleep with two men so close--within in a few days. And honestly, my mind is really into Mr. Long Distance Lover. So I told him---got a date.

He emailed me today with a sarcastic tone to it. "so how was that hot date you wouldn't cancel for me?" Now you all know that I am a pleaser. But I like to please because I want to please. I like to please when someone appreciates me pleasing them. Not one someone expects the world to please them.....Ididn't answer yet...I will wait till Monday.

Sweet Dreams!!

Anticipation of Our Secret Lovers Meeting

Wow! Saturday is almost here. The anticipation is killing me....I can't wait to attack him....Yummy!!

It is so bizarre that we have never met. I feel like I know him so damn well and we know each other forever. I can talk to him about everything in the world....its amazing. So I know for sure...at least for me....a mental connection is so damn important. A true friend with fringe benefits is what is key. So much is missing if you don't give your all...but I think my choice of Type A personalities--they don't like the feeling of out of control...it scares them.

Me personally...it makes me higher than high! Woo Hoo!

You know I get nervous with a first meeting. What happens if he doesn't like me? I know that insecurity is not attractive but this is the time my insecurities do come out. All my faults are on the table and there for the viewing. What happens if we don't connect? What happens if he doesn't like the way I taste or me the way he tastes? All these ridiculous thoughts go through my head...and you know me...I don't keep them to myself...I tell them all to him. He seems to laugh.

So, I just sent him an email.....no pity fucks allowed. If we don't like each other....we be honest and go play pool and have lunch. Do I think its going to play out like that? No fucking way...I get wet just thinking about him...BUT I would never want to be with a guy who wasn't attracted to me both mentally and physically....so its better to be open and honest right at the beginning....

Oh my.....I can't wait to touch him, to taste him, to feel him....to feel him inside of me.....I love this high!!!

The New Frog In The Pond Dig-Em

What an emotional rollercoaster of a day! Mr. Long Distance Lover was a little freaked today about the "L" word slip. "I don't want to hurt you ever. I can't make any promises".

I agreed with him. I don't want any promises or have any expectations...but I was hurt that he was so uneasy...all of a sudden I felt the walls going up! The Berlin Wall was heading up around my heart.....higher and higher....I needed to watch what I said.

I ended up sending him my post from yesterday......he felt better and was glad to read what I wrote. Now, i still felt like shit. Hard to tell someone how much you care about them, how much you want them, how special they make you feel......if you are going to have to worry about their interpretation. With Mystery Man...I never got emotional...I was lustful...Mr., Long distance Lover wants the emotional BUT there seems to be boundaries that I have to figure out.

Sigh....we spoke more and everything was fine. He sent me an email joking using the word L.

I now started to bust his chops a little. So, I won't use the word LOVE, can I use the word...like? hmmm....may be too strong...how about I DIG YOU!! Yup that's it ....and then he starts with Luv....well he by accident said Luff...so now Luff is a new word in our vocabulary... you can say I luff you......perfectly fine.

Now we are laughing hysterical....and both of us with this offbeat sense of humor.....then he says....hey isn't there a frog called Dig-em....so now I am rolling and can't stop laughing. Mr. Long Distance Lover has re-named himself....he is now the frog Dig'em from the Smacks. A much easier name to type so Dig-em it is. He's got his frog status at secret lovers lane now.

I sent him a note tonight and basically said....look, let's just enjoy each other...and if one of us starts to fall in love, then we need to talk seriously about it. Until that point (if it should even come) let's not think what if......when it comes, we will deal with it. And so we agreed and it was settled.

I blew off Navigator this week. He's not too happy about it....and quite frankly I don't know if I should have.....Dig'em made it quite clear that we are not exclusive but I still felt funny fooling around with two guys back to back.

So, everything is fine....I still have a wall though. The wall is half way up....I felt like he was encouraging me to be open and give...and then when the time came...he got scared. But I am okay....a little slap. I think its good, I'm more realistic about us...my guard was way too down.

So we are meeting on Saturday... Woo Hoo..... I can't wait. Its should be amazing!! Got my hair cut today, my nails done...I'm ready. Hmmm....what should I wear? Wonder if he is a leopard type or if I should go more with the red, black, pink.....hmmmm....such a decision.

Different Levels of Love and Phone Sex

Well its obvious....my life is an I Love Lucy episode and I actually cause most of the moments.

Long Distance Lover and I have been going back and forth a couple of times today....he is amazing. So open, so sweet, so easy to talk to. We are laughing, giggling and just really enjoying each other. I can't wait for our meeting. I feel like I know him forever....

Do you believe there are different levels of love? Long Distance Lover was howling from me. I think I am his entertainment committee sometimes....well for me, there are different levels to love which he was unaware of....until tonight.

There's

Luv Ya! --which is a friendship like term that means you are extremely special to me and I love all that you do for me and say.....

Love You!--means you mean so much to me.....sometimes used to finish up a conversation with a family member, friend or a boyfriend. A form of love and caring.

I Love You!--from the heart...you really care about that person. They mean a lot to you...its the tone that counts here.....a light tone is still a really caring approach. A serious tone is more of the I am falling in love with you I love you.

I am in Love with you--no doubt about it...this is the real mcCoy. this is real, real love.

So today, we are on the phone. My house was in chaos. Someone was here...we were finishing up a conversation...we had just had phone sex...(I will get to that later) and I was trying to figure out what to say without this person catching on to who was on the phone AND I wanted Mr. Long Distance Lover to know that I cared about him. So, I started to say Love You (she would think it was a friend, family member) and he would know that I cared. Well all of a sudden...

"I Love You" comes out of my mouth. He was dead silent, I was shocked but couldn't say anything else because I had my poker face on....Geez.....now if that didn't make him run!!

so I am frantically, emailing him to try to explain the different levels of love. And I am trying to explain that I didn't mean that I am IN love with you. And boy oh boy, this was getting crazy. And he didn't IM me back......

Finally he sends me a note that his email wasnt working and that he missed me. So he hadn't received any of my messages....LOL....so I call him. And I go through all the levels of love etc. etc. etc. blah, blah, blah...diarhhea of the mouth. And he says "I wasn't sure I had heard you right so I said nothing. Damn, you are dangerous (which I told him that guys say and then they are usually gone)". LMAO!!

So, he is laughing hysterical and I am laughing. It was just too much. I was digging a deeper grave. So the conversation is coming to an end....and I throw him a loooooonng kiss in the phone. And he says "do you have anything else to say to me?"(with a giggle and sarcasm). Well I can't tell you how I was laughing so hard I almost peed in my pants. I am still laughing and it is hours later. Just his tone...he makes me feel so good.....I'm sure I didn't get it across but it was very, very funny.

Phone Sex

All day I was so damn horny. And when I heard his voice, it made me so happy. He wrote me these amazing emails telling me how amazing he thought I was. We've been sharing about our personalize lives....you know how important that is to me. Something that I always wanted and could never find. I may have to take care of myself....I said to him. "Can I join you?" Oh my, I took my phone and went straight for my bedroom. He called and i was lying there...waiting for him. Mmmmmm........I knew as soon as I touched my clit, it was done. Gentle circles, my shorts were off. Ohhh...I needed to cum.

Now, I asked Mr. Long Distance Lover to join me......and he did. I told him all the things I wanted to do to him....use my lips to lick circles on his cock. suck him totally until he came.....go up and down his shaft. And then I wanted him deep inside of me....mmmmmm......

He of course, told me how he wanted to be deep inside of me.....he couldn't wait to taste me.

It didn't take much for me to feel myself ready to cum...and he was right there with me.....we actually came at the same time. It was so damn hot.....mmmmmm......

To my surprise, this was his first time. He has never been able to cum by phone before. Wow! I really felt honored. It was all the working up of the weekend and we were so damn horny. It's the anticipation of our meeting......it was hot.

So, we had fun today.....he thinks I am a nut....that's okay, I am. I love having fun....fun is what is important and I make sure I am having fun everyday!!

A Calm Weekend

I had such a nice weekend...Long Distance Lover managed to be with me by text all weekend..it was so nice to fall asleep to a good night text and wake to one. It was so nice to get notes throughout the day telling me how he wished he could be with me.

I think when you haven't connected with your spouse in so long...it is a great feeling to feel wanted. I think you appreciate those little notes more and you love to give them back. I think we are both enjoying giving to each other...it feels so good.

We've never met but he makes me feel so good...he makes me feel so secure. It's a good feeling not having to wonder whether he's into me or not. I started planning our meeting since I know the area better. Now hotels are a totally different story...what do I know about hotels but I've narrowed it down to two that are not sleazy. One is actually a couple hotel (okay..that is clean but has funky theme rooms)....and the other is just your everyday nice room. Actually I don't care which one as long as we can be together. The anticipation has kept me so damn wet and horny.

On a side note, I got a few amazing notes from some of you who hide in the frog pond and never leave notes...I actually want to post one of them. Such an open, honest and true way that I felt about an affair. The truth..most of us go there...in desperation. It's the end of our rope....we desperately need to feel needed. We desperately need to feel that excitement in our hearts....we yearn to feel attractive, to feel someone is attracted to us.....there's a huge hole in our hearts.

Thank you for sharing your feelings. Some of you read this blog and have not crossed the line nor do you plan on it....and others are contemplating while others have crossed the line. Well, no one will judge you whatever choice you take. Of course, the smartest, the easiest and the best turn out is if you can bring that spark and connection back to your marriage. Many of us have tried with no success...and then..you end up flirting with me on Ashley Madison...(hee.hee) okay I was getting a little too bummed being so philosophical....

Have a great Monday!! Woo Hoo....I have a feeling this week is going to go sooooo damn slow for me. I hope we like each other when we see each other. Personally, I know I am going to be so damn attracted to him. I already am....his personality, his caring, his fucking hot looks.....oh yum!! We may be able to sneak away on Saturday....how amazing will that be.....sigh....

The Eagles Lyin Eyes

Tonight as I sit here with a glass of wine, the Eagles Lyin Eyes comes on the radio. I can't help but feel a connection with that song. Yes, that's every girls dream.....white picket fence, a couple of kids, a dog, a loving marriage, and a decent life. How sad when the love is no longer in the marriage. How sad when you can't communicate with your spouse...

Tonight,I am at peace. I'm sure the wine is helping. Writing this blog has been a huge benefit for me emotionally. In some ways, it has been my savior. You all have been there with me on this rollercoaster of life. The emails that you've sent to make me smile when I am down....and I love when I can help you as well.

The internet amazes me. The way you can get to know someone who is so many miles away. Now I am not just talking about the phone and cybersex (come on, I am philosophical tonight). I am talking about some of the friends I have made as well. Yes, I have non sexual friends that I have made here.....in fact, many of you have never crossed the line and I guess you read my blog to see what its like from a female perspective.

I look back to the two years and I am amazed at how far I have come. In some ways, I have grown tremendously as a person. I am much more confidant with my sexuality, much more independent and even happier. When I entered this blog....scarily to say...I was desperate. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

Where am I headed? I am not exactly sure. I had hoped at this point there would have been a happy ending to this blog. But that's okay...ironically because of this blog and my friends I've met---I have learned that I may never meet Mr. Married Prince Charming AND that is okay. I am actually okay with that and am discovering myself as an independent woman. I think each frog has added to the mix and has taught me something else. And each friend has been supportive and helped me leap over those hurdles.....

As for Mr. Long Distance Lover. Only time can tell where that will go. But right now, we are fulfilling a loneliness that existed in both our hearts. And that is making me happy....

Sorry guys, no sex tonight. The wine and a trashy love novel has made me more serene!!
XOXO

The Torture Has Ended

Spoiled? Only Child Syndrome? As Curious George would say...he wouldn't want to play with me in Kindergarten..I was probably a horrible sharer. Actually I am a very giving person...but I guess I like the one on one thing.

I acted like a pouting baby today. Long Distance Lover had met the girl he has been with today...and well I pouted. I have absolutely no right to....I was happy for him but I was soooooo envious that he wasn't in my arms. I worked and worked and worked...trying not to think about him in her arms (and in her). It was actually torture...I decided I don't want to know anymore when he is meeting her. I felt like I was waiting for an execution or something. Finally, he emails me.

The pouting begins....I was so mad at myself...how could I let this get to me? I don't even know him....I have frogs all over the place. Selfish, very selfish. He called me and well he knew from my texts that I wasn't Miss Sunshine but I answered and tried to put up a front. Well, he said all the right things considering the situation. In conclusion, I dont want him to give her up...we haven't even met. But I also don't want to know when the act is occurring...it was torture.

I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground with him...but it is really hard. He is caring, he is sweet, he is so damn cute....he makes my heart flutter. I love that new romance feeling. I love that flirting and giggling and excitement. I can talk to him forever...I just enjoy him so damn much.

And what I like the best...is that I am me. I am not being something he needs me to be. I am not holding back in fear that he won't be able to handle my emotional overload.....Yes, I love to lavish someone in exciting emails. Yes, I like to tell him how special he is and how much I want to do him during the day.

Aah! I hope this works out. I am truly enjoying him. Mystery Man? Who is that? (hee.hee)

A Rollercoaster Day

Today was a rollercoaster of emotions....both work and personal. On a professional basis, I can be....well...tough. When I have a passion for something, a drive....it can overwhelm people...and today I did just that. Long story but she's not realizing the magnitude of what could be involved and I wanted to make her look great. Oh well.....a rough day at work (Thankfully my bosses backed me and see what I am trying to do and why. Rrrrrrrrr.....I find women so hard to work with sometimes. The independent, confident ones...I have no problem and get a long great with them. I think I scare others from a professional basis. I know I can be a whirlwind at times but thats what I am about....LOL

Long Distance Lover has been amazing. He is so passionate, so sexy and so open. I am loving being so open with him. I am loving making him feel good. Most men get scared of emotion...he isn't...he loves it and I love telling him how special he is. sigh....it's frustrating that I have to wait so long to see him. But I have gone over the meeting in my head a million times.....no expectations...I just want to feel his arms around me. No pressure.....I just want to take my hand and rub his cheek and trace his face with my fingers so I can study it and remember each detail. I love the ride up....I hope it continues. Scarily all my walls have seemed to fallen...I am quite exposed right now emotionally and its a little scary. I just can't get enough of him...he's intoxicating..

Feeling emotionally drained tonight....I went to the convenience store to get some milk. Dressed in a black tank top and khaki shorts...no makeup, my hair in a big hair clip and in thongs...I didn't look horrendous...but it is certainly not one of my better looks. I know the guy behind the counter for years. Tonight he looked at me and I smiled and said hi!

He looked at me and said...I know this is forward but you are so sexy. You are my kind of woman. I blushed and said oh please I look horrible....he said, I am 40..I know what I like..you come in here a couple of times a week and you make my heart smile when I see you.

That was the nicest thing. It wasn't a come on the way he said it. It was just a really sweet and honest remark that made me feel so good. Thank you...I said to him. You made me smile tonight too....And I walked out.

This made me realize...it's the little things that can change your whole day..your whole perspective. It's not always something major you do...but an unsolicted smile, a nice comment...can make the world of difference.

So I'm off to bed tonight....at peace but drained.

Sweet Wet Dreams!

I NEED TO........

FUCK! Oh yes, no doubt about it. It's been three weeks and I am about to explode. All this texting and back and forth sexual attraction with Long Distance Lover is really making me hot.

We are certainly a lot a like. Emotionally, we are looking for the same fulfillment which makes it pretty easy to know what the other person needs. The things he says just feels so good. He will text me that he can't stop thinking about me. Tell me how intoxicating I am. How he's wild about me..etc.etc.

Told a childhood friend today that I was planning on meeting him. She was shocked to hear I was going to BE with him the first time we met. I guess because we have been talking back and forth so much...I feel like I know him forever. the ethical thing is to wait....however, I can't. I really feel a physical and mental connection with him.

The distance...the distance is really tough. And realistically, that means we shouldn't give up our other lovers. But you know me...I am not the best at sharing (although I am getting much better). He;s seeing his lover on Friday or Saturday. I was shocked to see how it bothered me and I was so mad at myself. Practically..we've never met...PRactically...we are far away from each other. Practically...it shouldn't matter if we have other lovers. Realistically--I don't like to share!! So I am not going to talk to him for a few days.....yes, I am going into denial.....not think about him with her.

Okay, here is a weird thing.....tonight as I was sitting at the computer and thinking about how Mr Prize and I related very well....but mentally, Long Distance Lover is getting close to how I felt about Soulmate Chris. That total connection. That total desire to talk with him continually. That feeling that my heart was smiling when we were on the phone. And just as I was thinking that...who sends me an IM....SOULMATE CHRIS!!!!! We havent really spoken in months. We started to talk and well one thing led to another. He told me about his two women (since me) and well, I kinda told him I was having fun.

We talked....we even talked about our sexual encounter that he made me cry. We teased and talked and I laughed...he always makes me laugh. And I was soooooo glad to know that while I was still sexually attracted to him....that Soulmate thing was not there as deep. Yeah, he will be my friend for life. He helped me through tough times and he still knows how to make me laugh. But that intense, out of control....soulmate thing wasn't there. Much healthier now...

He was telling me how horny he was. Now if you remember....he is very, very well endowed. Yes, I have to say in the Girth department...he is hung like a stud (or so I vaguely remember). "Let me see" I said to him. And so his webcam was on.....

Now, to my surprise...I forgot just how fucking big he was. His cock is so damn thick...it took my breath away for a second. Wow, I said. Yeah, I had to give him the credit where credit was due. I haven't seen a thick, thick cock like this since I dated this guy in College (it didn't fit at first). Well, feeling like I needed to get my mind off of Long Distance Guy....I played with Soulmate Chris a little until he came. I want to see you again..he said... that would be nice...I said. And we agreed we'd talk again soon.

Comfort Lovers seems to bw this weeks theme. I think I just don't have the desire to find a new frog. Long Distance Lover is keeping me mentally happy (and horny). And the old familiars....are also what I need. I have no desire to search for someone new right now. I am definitely just playing a little with the familiar frogs and enjoying Long Distance Lover.

Mr. Navigator text me yesterday. "I can't stop thinking about you....I really want to see you. How about next Monday?" "I got a date already, I told him". Change it he said....Nope I said...sorry. He flies around the world....and is actually going to be in Europe the week after that. I said to him "you want me....you change your schedule". Now I know, you may be thinking how ridiculous for me to say BUT I am tired of squeezing in between Italy, China and the States. So.....re-work it if you want me." And he said he would call me back and try to move a meeting to the following week and not fly out for three days. Hmmm.....we will see...I'd be impressed if he moved his business trip just to see me....

So that's whats cooking in Secret Lovers Lane. A possible Married Prince Charming, some MIA Frogs, some familiar frogs that make me happy (Navigator, Chris, CG and of course Tadpole)....... AND all these men and.....

I AM SO DAMN HORNY!!! I feel like my clit may explode...I'm wet, juicy and my clit is engorged...with no relief in site. Sigh....I need some hands on me soon. I need a warm cock inside of me....sigh...looks like the old vibrator is going to have to make his appearance tonight for some relief.

Sweet Wet Dreams!!

IPOD Vibrator--now here is a hot toy!

Okay, now here is something I have to have!!! This is a must for every woman....A vibrator that moves to the beat of the music on your Ipod. talk about taking music to a totally new level. Music makes me hot...a great song really turns me on...there is a way to have an orgasm to my favorite song.....wow! The thought of some hot music, my favorite music beating inside of me.

The thought is making me wet. I have to have this....to me this would be the ultimate in toys....I wonder what it feels like? Anyone try it....What would be the best song to listen to?

I'm getting horny just thinking about it. Listening to my favorite dance song as t gets me off...now here is technology at its best. Click on the banners above to see more juicy details...it's take you to their site.....and their is even a holster garter belt to keep your ipod strapped to your leg....HOT!!! SUPER HOT!!

AND Their new product......when your cell phone rings...it keeps the vibrator going the entire conversation....now here is phone sex to a new level. Talk about really getting your partner off in a conversation....you can control the calls..the rings...woo hoo!!

Now this made my day...funny how the little things can go a long way!!

Is selfishness part of a man's cock?

I wonder.....is it the cock that carries selfishness? It's gotta be. That is the distinguishable part between men and women. Men just seem to think with their cock . the True Anatomy of a cock....testicles, penis and a sac of selfishness.....(hmmm...is that what the sperm is really.....maybe its the pre-cum?!?)

Seriously So what I need to know---Are we all so selfish inside? Are there no feelings for others to consider in an affair? Or is it the men I am meeting?

I have been busy with work....very busy in fact. So busy that the anxiety level has been out of control. My heart feels like it is beating out of my chest. I feel like a scavenger...looking for business opportunties to grab a quick buck wherever I can get them. Part of me is thinking to throw in the towel on my new business and settle in with a 9 to 5 job. Probably will make more or about the same but its a brick wall in opportunity. I just see the tax bill and electric bill staring me in the face and we are talking tens of thousands.....crazy.

Anyway, sorry a side track there (had to get it off my chest). Anyway, Mystery Man fell off the face of the earth....I am worried about him. He's off of Ashley, he's just gone MIA. I am mixed here. One--I'm worried but TWO--how dare he...how dare he not even give me an explanation. Am I crazy for thinking I deserve one?

It seems men don't think about the other person in a relationship. That person has wants and needs too. I just didn't see this coming so it really does hurt in some ways. The best way to explain the way I feel is like the rug was pulled out from underneath me or you know the old tablecloth trick....the entire table is set and someone can pull the table cloth out from underneath. That's how I feel. I did not see this one coming. Everything has been fine. Everything was great....our last rendezvous was heaven....hot and he felt it too.....

Now....Long Distance Lover....well he is taking the pain away big time. Just hearing his voice makes me all wet and juicy. Just hearing his voice makes me long to be in his arms. We've made a meeting date --a week from Monday. PERFECT!! I can't wait to meet him. In fact, I think its going to be similiar to when Soulmate Chris and I met. There will be no awkwardness, there will be no introduction--- we will just meet in each others arms as if we knew each other forever. Our eyes will meet, our lips will slowly meet, we will wrap our arms around each other and melt away to heaven.

Okay, break over. Time to get back to the real world that is screaming my name...anyone got an island I can escape to for a few hours? I could use the break......
XOXOX

Phone Sex and Long Distant Married Prince Charming

Signed up one person as a MonaVie distributor...they had tried the product a while back and had loved it. They decided to go ahead with the distributor program (for $39)..it certainly is a great investment. So I am psyched. Of course, it doesn't offset the mortgage company calling for money and the school taxes being due. Can you say stressed? So many opportunities on my plate, yet, I need to find immediate help. Hey, do you think that Lotto or money falling out of the sky are true options? I know money doesn't make you happy but when you don't have it..it certainly adds to the unhappiness.

Long Distance Lover and I were talking this morning. I tell ya, he turns me on big time. We've never met and I can feel the juices flowing just from his voice. Today, I was so tense and we were talking so I went upstairs and decided to masturbate while he was talking to me. Just fantasizing what he would do to me if he was there (of course he was giving me play by play directions) the juices were flowing, the walls were tightening and before you knew it--I was moaning quietly and the orgasm rushed through my body.

So does phone sex count if one person is masturbating and the other is directing? Amazing how someone I have never even met can turn me on soooo much...I just imagine being in his arms and us being naked on the bed....wow, so damn hot.

Okay, I am off to work again...the adrenal is flowing from stress....I used to think that everything in life is attainable if you put your mind to it. I am really beginning to doubt that...how sad, I always lived by that statement....

My Long Distance Potential Married Prince Charming

Growing up, we never had computers and the internet. I'm sure that sounds like my mother tells the story of the television arriving. So this whole sex on the internet is so damn new to most of us. I wonder what its like to grow up with it? When computers first came out, I laughed at people who had cyberspace relationships. How ridiculous was my thoughts.....and now here I am.

Mr. Blogger came into my life as someone who just wrote me a really sweet note through my blog. He just thanked me for sharing so much of myself and he told me about his marriage (similar situations). I read the whole note and he had attached a picture. Most of you who read my blog are faceless to me (as I am to you). Most of you do not even get in contact with me (and I know you as a number--returning visits). So to see this face, it made me smile. However, it also made my heart skip a beat. OMG, this hottie reads my blog regularly.....

Emails back and forth, phone calls and lately its been a couple a times a day. I could talk to him forever, I love our conversations and we have a really strong connection. He is my friend.....he turns me on....we are so damn far from each other.

When I talk to him, my heart is smiling. He is so sincere, so open and so caring. IT's a breath of fresh air from Mystery Man (where everything is a mystery). I question whether his arrival in my life made my hiatus with Mystery Man so much easier. I miss him, I want him but it's not that aching feeling in my heart.

I am content with work right now and talking with Mr. Blogger. I asked him to make me a promise today...that if it were over or if he was going to decide not to talk to me anymore --please just don't disappear. For obvious reasons, I have my heart slightly protected now--I have a fear that a man is going to make me feel amazing, make me feel like the world is so right--and then just pull the rug out from underneath me. And, it's not crazy because it keeps happening. For me, its respect. At least give the person a common courtesy of a good by. Damn you were the most intimate that human beings can be---you shared spit and other bodily fluids...they deserve a decent good by.

So now, I am here and smiling. Happy with finding my long distance lover. Happy that we just tripped over each other and hoping we will get to meet soon. He says the sweetest things to me and he really means them. He makes my heart flutter and he didn't even know it but tonight we were talking about my crazy life. He said "you are so strong. I want to take care of you a little. ". Well, I realized why those words melted my heart. I have never had someone take care of me. I was independent from a little girl and now, I am also independent. And the thought of being able to close my eyes for a few minutes and have someone protect me from the world so I can just be at peace....sounds like heaven.

So here I am. Off of Ashley for a little bit. I need a break and I am enjoying My Long Distance Lover. Actually spent the last 15 minutes on the phone with a friend I met on Married Secrets who I helped him write his new Ashley profile. I am determined to help him heal his broken heart and find him another fling....what a bizarre world it is....never in a million years did I see myself here but I am enjoying it.

XOXO

PS How weird just released Long Distance Lover is going to read this...yikes...but I always said...I have to be true to my blog.

The Case Of The Missing Frogs

Okay, I found some missing frogs!

Actually they emailed me.

Mystery Man---things are tough on a some major fronts (his words not mine). He can't have a distraction now and he wouldn't be good company....he will call me when things get better....

So, what do you think?! I am going to not freak, be understanding, believe him and hope that we will get together again in the future. Then, after things settle, I will kick his fucking ass for playing with my head and playing the MIA game. But for now, I am going to understand but I cannot get back into it thinking he will come and go like Mr. Government.....

New Guy- oh my...this guy has been through hell and back this past week. Wifey had an accident which required plastic surgery, he was diagnosed with some issues when he thought he was having a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital....Geez....what drama. I feel normal for a change....

So, am I the KISS OF DEATH?! Very Scary here.....!!

And then on an up note. The Blogger Guy. Well quite honestly, he is fucking hot, delicious, sweet and I am really into him. We connected and could talk and talk for hours. It's nice. Except that, well, we are so damn far apart. Why are these men so far away?

Actually, I told Mr. Prize about him. He's having the time of his life juggling some women. He is so damn cute....he said I could borrow his apartment for a rendezvous with him. Of course, I would love to join you both.......two men pleasing you at once.... Oh man....something was a little strange there. I would have sex in that bed with two different men and it wasn't even my bed. And a threesome? Well the first meeting, I want Mr. Blogger to myself......100%.....I want to enjoy him...every inch of that pix he sent me....with that hot defined chest....okay, I can't think anymore....it is time to masturbate!!!

UPDATE TODAY: Like a dog in heat, Mr. Blogger had my mind spinning....such a great connection...I walked around horny all damn day.....mmmm.....

Alex Band Take Hold Of Me Lyrics

Alex Band Take Hold Of Me Lyrics
Never been more alone
I'm sinking like a stone
Seems everything I knew
No longer gets me through this madness
I can't take it now

Everything I planned
Has crumbled into sand
And slipped into the sea
Would someone please save me from this pain?
'Cause I'm going insane

So take hold of me
Please take hold of me
Take hold of me
And never let me go
Don't let me go

The people I leaned on
One blink and they are gone
And so I turn to you
To pull my lost soul out of this love
I'm dying for love

So take hold of me
Please take hold of me
Take hold of me
And never let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go

Can you see me?
Find me?
Free me?

Just take hold of me
Yeah, take hold of me
Well take hold of me
I've got nowhere left to go

Well take hold of me
Take hold of me
Well take hold of me
And never let me go

I'll be alright
Lyrics > Alex Band Lyrics > Alex Band Take Hold Of Me Lyrics

Acai Berries- Sexual Energy?!

Went to a health expo this weekend....and came across this great product..Mona Vie!

You know I am always looking for a sound venture to expand into for business. Well, I was by this booth all day and listening to the people come over were unbelievable. I never believe those success stories but here were people buying this product like it was the fountain of youth or something.

Overall census, these people felt great less than a week on the product. More energy, more focus, they felt healthy. And man was searching it out because his patient said it sexually charged him. Hmmmmm......now we are talking something here.

What it is...is the acai berries which are the most potent of all fruits. It's known as a Superfruit...the Crown Jewel of the Amazon. Recommended for tons of ailments. Someone from a Leukemia Group was there and actually signed up for a taste testing because of a study that was done.

Well, I did something I never do. I went with my initial instinct, researched the company and became a distributor. The truth is, the start up was so inexpensive that I really had to give it a try ($39). Already, I had two people sign up to be distributors for me today.

It tastes delicious and these acai berries are the most nutritious and powerful in the world (even Oprah did a show on it).

Okay so here is my personal pitch but I am very excited about this--

Check it out, become part of my distributor group, get some nutrients from the acai berry and Mona Vie.....

My MonaVie Website

Life Sucks

Was there something in the air that I missed?

Mr. Podcaster-came back from vacation and disappeared.

Mr. New Guy- came back from vacation and disappeared. (although he apologized and says he has a reason why he will explain).

Tadpole-no call backs...hmmmm....is he gone too?

Divorce Attorney-shit or get off the pot ultimatum. I chose to get off the pot.

Mystery Man.... MIA....damn bastard. It's killing me inside right now.

Curious, Soulmate Chris, Mr. Prize and Hunky Man....all found multiple lovers they are enjoying.

And me?! ALONE!! Totally alone...

There is new blogger...but the distance is tough. Reality is that he is far. Reality sucks because we would be great together.

Take hold Of Me

Found this song and it hit home....I think we all feel this way at times...the emptiness within can get so deep.

If it doesn't appear below: Here's the link; Take Hold Of Me

Magic Frog

woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what is mine is his and what is his is mine." So, KAZAM she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, I'd like a mild heart attack."

Voodoo Dick

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else.

So he went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, to the old man.

"Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …" said the old man, and then he stopped.

"Except what?" asked the businessman.

"Nothing, nothing," said the old man.

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!" protested the businessman.

"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick,'" the old man said.

"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" the businessman asked.

The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!"

The old man said, "But you haven't seen what it'll do yet."

He pointed to a door and said "Voodoo dick, the door."

The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dick, get back in your box!"

The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.

The businessman said, "I'll take it!"

The old man resisted and said it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dick, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!"

Tie Up His .....?

LOL!!

Okay, I was looking for a pix to visualize how I was feeling. Then I found these......while I was annoyed enough to want to tie up his cock and string him up....some of the photos I found were down right scary. Even I , without a dick....can feel the pain of the man with his cock tied so damn tight that his balls are bulging....OUCH!!

Well now that I got a good laugh and decided I don't want to tie up a man's cock ...I am off to work.

I am feeling a little better today.....kind words from Blogger Friend and Mr. Prize really helped. They both think he's not gone. I think something is up, but tell me. Show me some respect...oh well....I am actually his longest affair. Maybe it was starting to scare him. But no excuse...

So all my friends out there....don't be dicks. Show a woman some respect...and she should you. Damn, are we still 12 years old?

So today...I took my profile off of Ashley for a little bit. Need to lick my wounds. Don't have the energy to start the flirting and the games. Gotta refuel. And the kicker....I have the weekend to myself. No one is going to be home. A perfect opportunity to have a good time...yet there is no one to do it with.

Men Suck

Yeah.....I am in a mood. I just don't get it. If something is over or done....fucking say something. Mystery Man and I had a great time...nothing happened....except he is MIA. I know he's alive because he got an ecard that I sent (yeah, little hint. Send ecards from www.lovingyou.com because you can see when the person opens the card. They send ya an email.

anyway, he opened my card today that I had sent the beginning of the week. And now word from him. Either its over or he was on vacation but either way...fucking respect. I can't even imagine just walking away without saying good by to someone. Not an email, not a word. It's mind blowing. Actually, New Guy did the exact same thing this week. Except he was pissed because I backed out of a hotel visit. I'm not ready...geez. We met once.

So I am devastated by Mystery Man. How could he not even say good by. We didn't have a fight, everything was fine. Just send me a fucking email to say good by or something. Even if he emails tonight....I am not answering unless he has some super duper excuse. However, I think he just decided he didn't want to cheat anymore. He hasn't been on Ashley either. Rrrrrr!!

I HATE MEN!!! I JUST WANT TO CRY....why can't I find a nice guy?

Well there is one gentleman who has been so damn sweet. MY new blogger friend. Problem is distance...but he's cute, sweet, caring and I really enjoy talking to him. Damn, I wish he was closer.

A New Focus

I know my postings have been quite erratic. Quite honestly, I am not as focused on my Secret Lovers as I have been in the past. I guess you can say, the rainbow is looking brighter right now for me from a business position. While the money is not yet flowing in, I have huge opportunity on the plate and well--I am working my ass off to set the groundwork. If I play it right, it could be the answer to all my financial problems..

So, horniness? I still am but it has to be surpressed. I haven't heard from Mystery Man and while I am certainly occupied these days--he doesn't know that. You know me, Miss. Insecure, I just need to know we are okay....a little note would really help. For some reason, I feel one coming on tomorrow (hopefully).

New Guy....I told him I needed a little more time. Not exactly making his day and he certainly cooled off a little but I just can't see jumping into bed with him right now. I need to meet him again to see if the chemistry is even there. Damn, he looks like a hottie and even built like a construction worker but his feminine ways are killing me.

Then there is another gentleman....a fellow blogger. We seem to have hit it off by email. He's cute, he's sweet, sexy and sincere. He's not afraid to express himself and he says the nicest things. He is also in an affair....and distance is an issue.....but I say...Go With The Flow...who knows what will happen. His little notes have been keeping me smiling and certainly making me horny....he's gives good email.

So, nothing much has changed here. I am starting to get all worked up. It seems that when it starts to hit the two week mark, I desperately need a 3 hour love session with Mystery Man. Paradise is calling me. I hope he feels the same way. Damn, I could use some tension release right now and sucking on a nice, stiff cock would certainly be a nice escape. Of course, the visualization of a guy's cock just at the entrance of my pussy..as he slowly enters me and spreads me and I wrap my juices around him...sigh....I love that feeling...

Okay, gotta go back to work. I can guarantee that if I don't see Mystery Man on Thursday, there will be some serious Masturbation posts coming up!!!

Frogs, Frog, Frogs and some sent back to the Pond

I met New Guy for lunch. It was nice... All those concerns and insecurities were silly. We had a great lunch, great mental stimuation...as far as a connection. He felt it....the jury for me is still out. He has been calling and telling me that he wants to meet...wants to be alone with me. That he hasn't felt found someone in all his searching that is attractive and has a brain. Woo Hoo! to me that is the biggest compliment. A man who appreciates me for my brain (and of course my 36D's!)

He's on vacation most of this week, and I heard from him briefly once by email. He wants to meet Monday....he obviously sees my hesitation because I didn't respond to that part of the question....well, something is holding me back. Or I should say someone is holding me back...

Mystery Man. Things are good. A tough week for communication. Last time I heard from him was on Tuesday. It was a great note....he makes me laugh soooo hard. When we were together, I told him about my relaxation mood. My head is always too filled to go to that"clear your mind state" never happens....so I envision a two story high stone fireplace....in a huge resort type place with couches around it. I am looking down at it from a second floor...and there is a huge window two stories high where there is a white snow mountain...all you can see is white. When I need some relaxation...this is what I vision since my head rarily can go to a blank state.

So I told him I had a crazy week ahead so he sends me an email..... I got some HARD WOOD for your Fireplace just waiting here! While we haven't spoken...he knows how the Ashley thing bothers me....AND so sweetly.....He Hasn't Gone On!! Over 7 days....to me that is a sign that he cares but is just too busy with life right now (as am I).

Divorce Attorney and I came to a head. He is pissed and I don't blame him. Everyday this week he text, emailed and made himself totally accessible.....and I turned him down. Why? He's raw sex....not a connection...and quite frankly I have that now so I don't need it. It would be the connection that I wanted now on a regular basis. He wants me to be his sub...and I'm not into that. So he left me pissed yesterday....

The Surgeon showed up on my girlfriend's Ashley account. she told him he was slime and take a hike. That she was my friend. Must have shocked him. hee.hee He's been looking for me on IM, sent me a note...I am not responding....too much weirdness and selfishness with him.

New Blogger Friend....what a sweetie. Distance is rough but he gives great email!

Mr. Podcaster....very busy, not on IM since his vacation...I understand and I miss hearing from him and about his podcast and life etc. And I miss his friendly ear. But he went on vacation and he seems to avoid connecting with me right now. That's okay, I understand but I will always be his friend no matter what. He's very special, sincere and wonderful man who has helped me through so much....when you are Cheri's friend like that, it is a friend for life.

And that's the Frog Update! A Frog Preview.... Mystery Man....will we be able to hook up this week? New Guy, can I get over his slightly feminine ways? Hmmm...Tune into Cheri's Secret Lovers Lane for next weeks fun and adventures!

XOXO

I was dying....he remembered my fireplace...