You trust me with your cock in my mouth BUT

Weird thing happened today with Mr. Porsche and while it probably shouldn't bother me,it really does. I do work for him and a project needed to be paid for. I charge him cost so I asked him for his credit card number. And he didn't want to give it to me. Mind you, I have a credit card number (and even an actual credit card) from each of my clients for some reason or another. If I am going to charge cost for something, I have them pay direct for it (and they appreciate it....this way they never question if I was making money on it).

Now I know he likes to control everything...and it wasn't the cost, it was the fact that I would have his credit card number. I was shocked. First of all, he should know me better. I pride myself on the person I am. I know I have had affairs BUT I don't lie or steal about anything else EVER in my life. And he knows me. I mean, I was approached this week (indirectly) by my biggest competitor and I turned the person down. Ethics is important to me. Yes, the money would have been amazing and quite frankly, I threw out a number that was so ridiculous so that he wouldn't approach me directly (I would have to burn all bridges, and I am not like that). Stupid? Probably....but that is who I am.

Am I crazy for being hurt by his reaction? He did give it to me in the end....But, think about it. This is a man who trusts me with his cock deep inside my throat, my long nails up his ass rubbing his prostate....a man who trusts my business instincts and brainstorms with me on business decisions......a man whose biggest secret in the world I hold, where we both could cause both our lives to completely tumble if our affair was found out.....and he's worried about a damn credit card. I mean if I was a thief, I could steal it while he was in the shower, 100 times by now....GEEZ...I am hurt and while I know I should have let it pass....I couldn't. I had sent him some business stuff we are working on and of course I mentioned it in there. Actually was considering to not even use the credit card but frankly, its the end of the month and he would have to wait till Wednesday for me to order it if I put it through my business.

Please explain men to me?

On a side note, my son has been wanting an earring. I have always said I was going to make a big deal out of it for him to get one (although I think men look hot with an earring). Anyway, he's been asking for two years and yesterday....I just said ok. He was shocked. And then he went and got an earring. Now my son is a quiet boy. Very handsome, but quiet and shy (ok, not like I am today but like I was when I was younger). Anyway, I pick him and his friends up tonight (did I mention that I am the cool mom who is allowed to be the pickup)...and the boys got into the car and one of them said that a girl gave me son her number! Hehehehehe.....how funny....my son was blushing but I was so excited for him. My baby is growing up. Funny thing....I haven't seen him in the shower for a long time...I used to worry, well his pecker was soooo small. Two weeks ago, I saw him in the shower for the first time (I have glass doors and had to run in quickly)...and I was relieved to see...he has finally hit puberty....lol Funny how you hate to think of your children in that way. Oh my...that's like thinking of your parents having sex....UGH!!!! lol

Met with Divorce Attorney

Well I finally met with divorce attorney. After almost 2 years, we met face to face again. And quite frankly, he is bigger talk over the email. I think he is a little shy and just such a newbie that he was super nervous.

I was nervous too about meeting him. I mean I gained 10 lbs sincse the last time I saw him. My hair wasn't colored or cut and quite frankly, I wasn't feeling sexy. But I said who cares....let him see me at my worse.

Well we sat in his car and talked because the bookstore was packed (doesn't anyone go to the library anymore?). He was sweet, talking to me about this and that as he had the biggest hard on in his pants. The brush test was not necessary...that cock was standing out. Trying so hard to be a gentleman....I reached over and kissed him.....then slowly traced my nail up and down his face...he loved it. He gave a little boy giggle and smile.

You eyes are gorgeous..he told me. And your smile so inviting...hmmm...very nice. I brushed the outside of his pants (tease, I know) and he moaned a little. Yes, he loved the attention and I loved feeling wanted.

I got my consult about my divorce. Basically, I am screwed is what he said. He told me to try and go to a mediator too. I will have a better chance then when lawyers get involved.

I left him and he texted me. You look great!! I giggled..can you imagine how sexual I would have been if I felt sexy.

Spoke to Mr. Porsche too today. Funny how we re-aligned after a fabulous day of sex. We are sweet and cuddly again on the phone with each other. Of course I was thinking this weekend...was the sex better because Mystery Man is out of the picture? Did we connect better because it is just us now? I truly wonder.

Okay, I am off to bed. Have a damn toothache. It figures, I was looking for a dentist online yesterday and today, I get a toothache. Rrrrrrr....I hate dentists....

I Am A Squirter!

Today was unbelievable HOT!! I met Mr. Porsche. I have to tell you....this was THE MOST AMAZING SEX WE HAVE EVER HAD!!!

I got the room early, he was running late. Honestly, until an hour before, I didn't even know if we were on for sure. I told him to relax, I had plenty of time. Yes, I had worked through the night to clear my afternoon in hopes we would meet. Waiting for him, I dozed off thinking how hot it would be for him to blindfold me. My phone rang....work...I jumped up and was on the phone with business when he walked in. I threw him a kiss....and he began to undress. "do yu have to make any calls?" he sweetly asked, hearing my conversation was a serious issue. Nope, I'm clear and the next thing you know.....he threw a blindfold on me and began to undo my bra and take off my panties. Giggling, I said...hey, I didn't even see you....he comes closer and kisses me so gently and then I hear it......BUZZZZZZZ......not a vibrator but his shaver!

I have been letting my pubic hair grow since he went away. He had said he was going to shave me and he never had the time so I let it grow (ok, trimmed it but was not the landing strip I usually have). OMG!! He was shaving my pubic hair...I was giggling....he was making a heart! Totally unexpected and hot! And then, the shave was over and he went down on me.....sucking and biting my clit. Oops forgot about the nipple clamps he put on my nipples! So erotic, so hot...he went down on my pussy like he hadn't eaten in years! Mmmm......I could feel myself wet and I could feel his fingers inside of me.....play with your nipples...he said...and so I obeyed. Slowly he moved my nipples to my mouth...lick your nipples.....so I was licking my nipples and he was eating me out. And, I came....the rush overcame me. And that was just one of I think 5 for the day....

Today was different than other days. He ravaged me! Kissing me with the blindfold as if we couldn't get enough of each other. It was hot, it was intense. I was moaning and sucking face with such a force as the vibrator was now in my ass....another rush! With the blindfold, it was different. the feelings more intense...the kissing so much more fulfilling as if we would never kiss again or passionate makeup sex. Today I was different. I didn't care about my pouch or my legs or anything. Maybe because I couldn't see them. Whatever the reason....my legs were in the air and he was fucking me hard and I was totally free, enjoying each thrust......He was pumping away and I was in heaven.

Mr. Porsche and I usually have sex for an hour or so. Today it was over 1 1/2 hours nonstop! the two of us were sweating but it made it even hotter. Sex as if you could never have it again. Of course a little doggie style and I came again. Geez...all this horniness bottled up with a little roughness.

Now we switched and I put the blindfold on him. I teased him about the shaver. The vibrator and the shaver sound the same when you have a blindfold on. So I put the vibrator near him and he jumped...Trust I said. And he laughed. He still has sex with his wife so any shaving would be noticeable.....not daring? I giggled loving the control. No, not stupid..he laughed.

I sucked his cock and licked his balls. I had the vibrator lubed and up his ass......I was licking that sensual area between his balls and his asshole....and even went down to lick his hole. He moaned...Get on Top...and so I did...and I rode him like a cowgirl! Oh yes, I am starting to get this on top thing down!! But he still did not cum! I take it personally although he is definitely enjoying himself. But his cock will go rock hard and then get a little softer and hard again. I was determined to get him to cum. I worked and worked and sucked and sucked and licked.....it was intense....he was hard but couldn't get there. I could feel his prostate pulsating but he couldn't get just to that point to cum.

He ripped the blindfold off and we began to fuck with me on top even more....then I leaned over and he fingered me....with a finger up my ass, and two fingers inside of me.....as I was on my knees....I felt a wave and this pop! And then I heard him say...Oh wow....you just squirted....I did what? What just happened to me?!!? I squirted?! I didn't even know girls were able to do that until a year ago when I saw it on a porn site?! I SQUIRTED!!!!! Woo HOOO!!!! Another first in my life!! WOW! I was so excited. It was because my clit was so sensitive and he just kept going at it. I usually pull away but he wouldn't let me....he kept working it and hitting my G Spot and wow, that was amazing.

I went back down on him determined to get him to cum....after squirting, I was exhausted though and lied my head in his lap and suckled his cock as he stroked my hair. A minute to rest and it was sensual and erotic. He loved it too. Watching me gently suck his cock as I relaxed in his lap and he played with my hair.

I jumped on him backwards on top...(didn't like that so much) then I went down to make him cum. He talked about how he wanted to bring a woman into the room. Not to touch him at all but to just suck on my tits and to watch me suck on hers....as well as other areas. I told him I don't share....he said I don't have to, she wouldn't touch him. I am not ready for that...he didn't push it just talked about it more.

So back to my determination to making him cum. We are talking the vibrator up his ass, me licking his balls and him helping jerk off his cock. Finally, he came. All over my face.....and we giggled...I opened my mouth so he could try and aim. IT went everywhere except in my mouth.

Okay, he was running late for a meeting but he knew I have to cuddle. Come up here and let me give you your 3 minutes of cuddling. He knows I love that time that I lie in his arms and he kisses me gently and I play with my finger nail going up and down his chest. We lie and talk and I love that time. It's so private, it's so just us. I'm on the wrong side....I complained. Today you are staying here. Did you know that the right side is the dominant sleeping side? We are both right side sleepers and we laughed. Two control freaks...lol

"I want a full day with you in September" I blurted out. We'll see, I can't explain a full day he said. Oh come on!!! We'll see. Well I started to tickle him and he started to fall off the bed and now I was saying.....say yes, say yes. He was laughing so hard and squirming and falling off the bed. we literally were on the floor as we both fell out of the bed and I was still tickling him. Laughter is great....it relieves so much stress. He finally got me in a hold....and leaned over and said "I will see if I can....I promise and then he kissed me gently. Yes, I am a sucker for a gentle kiss. We jumped in the shower and talked work. And then we rushed to get dressed.

We kissed a few more times and he hugged me. I hate good bys, especially when the sex is so damn good.

I left this time and I felt like I do with Mystery Man. That sexual high. I was happy, very happy. I had a presentation tonight after this and Mr. Porsche called me from the car. Good luck baby on your presentation tonight. Now that meant the world to me. He makes me feel so good. Sigh, 2:25AM and the day feels like centuries ago. But today, I squirted...I never thought I could. I wonder how that happened?!? Damn, I love good sex!

Work. work and more work makes Cheri a dull, dull, horny girl!

Spoke to Mr. Porsche today. Actually he called and I couldn't pick up. He left a message Call me....hmm..as if we spoke 10 minutes before not almost a week ago. So I thought about not calling back and then I said....now that's babyish...but I will get ready and then call. And so I was getting ready and an hour later he called again "Okay, playing hard to get are ya! Please call me". I started to giggle....so he knew me so well but not as well as he thought. I was going to call back.

I called him and we talked and I wasn't going to give him a hard time BUT I had to do a dig..."so when you said I'll call ya back last Wednesday, I guess you didn't specify WHICH Wednesday so technically you may be a day early!" He started to laugh. We talked for a minute and then he said I am going to have to call ya back....he did but I had run downstairs so he left another message but I just called back.

It was so nice. He made the time to talk like we used to talk. Almost 45 minutes. Catching up, sharing our lives. I told him about the client and I knew he would have some great advice...that's what I was looking for. I love that he is so assertive, so business minded and so willing to give me great advice on things. His advice was exactly what I decided to do so I felt great that he re-assured me. I love when he says so what are you going to do about it? Knowing that I have to take action. Yes, he immediately came up with two solutions....and it felt so good to talk to him about them. Something I am missing from my life right now. A friend. A partner to bounce life off of.

I got off the phone and felt good. About a 1/2 hour later I listened to his message. "You know you should be here right now under my desk sucking on my cock that is yearning for ya. mmm...I love the way you suck my cock!" I laughed and sent a text knowing he was in some big meeting "just got your voice mail....correction baby. You should have your face in between my legs sucking and licking my clit until I have an intense orgasm!" lol

A pleasant surprise when I was on the phone with a client...Mr. Porsche chimes in at the end of the day. "hey baby..so you hadn't gotten my message before our conversation. Nope,I said did you get my text? He just laughed. Oh, my clit needs some intense licking from you....I think you need the nipple clamps too!....mmmm...such a luscious thought, I can't wait! We talked a little and then he said :honey, I just wanted to say I hope your day gets better! Thanks baby, talk tomorrow! And we hung up. We are okay. A little strained but ok.

I felt so much better. I felt so less alone. That there was someone in my corner that I trust with a great business head to brainstorm with. I laughed that today, I was probably better than I have been in days. I was focused. I was determined to work. I told my client a little about the other client's vicious attack. I wanted him to know just in case he threatened my position that I had to swallow a little of my pride to keep the business. He agreed that we have to keep dexpanding our business leads.

Found a hottie on Ashley

Well, there is this cute guy on Ashley...I sent him a note. I keep my profile off so he actually didn't respond back. Probably thought it was a fake...oh well. I don't want to leave it on because I will then get emails from others and I am not ready to answer. Although, I have found myself doing searches lately. Hmmm....maybe I am ready to re-enter the world!

Mr, Porsche is MIA. and I am upset. I have a feeling I will hear from him tomorrow but our relaionship is strained right now. Wow, two months ago....I was the most content woman and now I have no one. Amazing how life works...

Well today I found this story online. How fucking funny.. This woman is selling her husband's cheating girlfriends underwear and the emty condom wrapper. Only on the internet!! Man, I want to sell something offbeat. I have to figure out what!





Funny, life is so amusing!

Dry Spell....Horniness is Killing Me

I don't know how much longer I can take these sexless weeks. I mean I was having amazing, amazing sex with two men......and now......I need more batteries for my vibrator. I hate walking around with that tight feeling and there being no relief. This truly sucks. Oh I will see Mr. Porsche this week. I think the anticipation is what is getting me all worked up tonight. I just want hot, wild sex. I just want to be fucked from behind till I drop from exhaustion.


Yes, all this stress with work and home.....I need a relief. I did write MM. I joked but then I had to tell him that I missed him terribly. I do miss him terribly. Is it time to start going back to Ashley?? Or do I dare to venture to the ...oh my, SINGLES sites....Do I try Match.com?

I am not ready for Match.com I don't think. Those people are looking for relationships.....right now, I want sex. That's it. I am tired of emotion....wow, I sound like a man. But my head is filled with emotion....hmmm....a hot boy toy escort service....interesting thought....6 pack...no attachment...it would be something new....another add to my experiences...well, I know I won't do that...disease scares me...BUT its a great fantasy to take to the tub with my waterproof vibrator right now.

Yes, tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is a new week (I know technically today was) and I am determined to start it off right. A little masturbation and a little fantasy. Yes, I am determined to make this a great week.

Oh, funny story. I needed my brakes fixed today. But I went to the place late in the afternoon. I decided to go down there even though they usually will only take your car before 12n. So I went down in a tank top and shorts....and smiled and acted innocent (oh I didn't know....isn't there anything you can do for me?) And....my car got fixed! lol I had it by closing. Okay, I felt a little guilty when they turned another two people away and someone whose car came in at 12 they wouldn't do...he had to leave it. But that gave me the lift I needed. Cheri baby, you can do it. You can build that business you want to build......and yes, that stupid little car situation made me realize.....I CAN DO IT!! Now if I could just find sexual contentment again....can you imagine the miracles I could perform????!! LOL

A Lesson Learned...

I have had a very big strain with a client lately. What went down last night was mind blowing. Vicious and manipulative and quite frankly....disgusting. He requested a meeting because someone important was in town. In a terrential storm, I drove there. Before I left, like a lunatic, I ran home printed out some material I wanted to give to him (that I worked on till 2AM) and as I was running out, my new folders had arrived for my business. I grabbed the folder (because it was at the door and glossy) and this way his work wouldn't run in the rain.

It was a great meeting at his home..martinis, sushi....the person we were meeting I do a lot of work with....it went very well. The folder was on the couch so afterwards, the client and I could discuss the work that I had brought. this person asked me to see it and I took out my clients work and gave it to him. Can I take this? I will be more than happy to do give you some free services.....I had them printed for a big presentation I am giving, I had said. And think, we got you more clients....(which was one of the things my client and I were working on). This gentleman left and everything seemed okay and out of no where...he attacked. Accusing me of planning this...being manipulative and not being focused on his business. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I had no idea what he was talking about. I can see behind your manipulations, don't lie. You purposely brought that to pitch to him your company.

I broke down in tears. That was the farthest thing from my mind...it never crossed my mind at all. His work was in there....I wasn't even showing it to this person. My client was vicious and ruthless....ssaying he was doing this all for me. He spent $10,000 so I could look good and succeed at this big project I have been working on...

First, I have never been attacked like that by anyone, let alone a client. He continued to attack me on something else that I also did nothing wrong. It's a long story but he got me to work for him based upon an agreement that he would be getting more work for me for another client. the other client agreed to let me work for him part time. What he was accusing me of was asking for some business from his office (which I said jokingly--hey don't forget about my client when you are referring that work).

I have never been attacked like this in my life. In any capacity....I was hysterical because this man was accusing me of being the scum of the life. I pride myself on my work ethics and my intregrity. I could approach things so much differently and get further but I believe in ethics first. He also threatened me with cutting off work to my main client which he knows threatens my job. And then, he's going on and on how he wants to help me and make me succeed. Be my mentor and make sure I am taken care of.

I have never left so exhausted. He said let's forget it and was charming at the end. but I was shooken beyond belief. I could lose everything. He now wants to get me a permanent position with this company.....yes, it would be stability and I would be mserable. He said he would be losing me but he wanted what is best for me. Reality is.......I would be indirectly working for him and the client I would have to give up......I would be now working for their competition. I know its confusing but basically...he would still benefit.

I was in bed all day with a migraine. Such power this man has and he is scary. What I think bothers him is that I am proceeding with my dream which he a year ago wanted to invest in. I am proceeded without his help. And he wants my 100% dedication to him and my company is sidetracking me. Its not. the man pays me for 6 hours a week of work and he gets over 20 every week. Sometime 40!

So now what? Is he really looking out for me? I cannot believe that someone would be like this but quite frankly I am in atouch spot right now. I could lose three clients...basically 99% of my money. He could pull his work, another clients and destroy my other client. POOF...and he knows it and don't think he would hesitate to destroy me (even though he says he is doing this all for me). He's angry because I am not content. Honestly, after taxes I walk away with $9500 a year. It's the other jobs that are pulling in for me.

I thought all day and I decided...I have to continue with my company. I have to continue and start building quicker. I have to expand my clients base so that we won't have to rely on his work. You can attack my work, you can attack anything but to attack me as a person. I didn't need to give that guy my info....I speak to him 6 times a week on the phone and email even more. The fact that my client would even think that would cross my mind...I am really sick about it.

So after such abuse..I still have a job to do for him. And quite frankly, I am going to be a professional and for myself, I am going to succeed at it. I stayed and took the abuse because of my children. But next time, I know I am going to have to walk. So it is 3AM, I can't sleep. I am sitting here working on my company.....and after a day of lying in bed and thinking about it....last night gave me the push that I needed. It's time to move forward. I know what I have to do...get the business moving.....and i I see it is getting somewhere...serve my husband with the divorce papers so he has no rights to my company before I start getting successful.

Yes, I am a good person with a good heart. I have my faults but professionalism is not one of them. I am good at what I do....so last nights disaster will hopefully give me the strength to move on. Fighting the odds but I am going to win. Nothing is more powerful than a determined woman on a mission for survival.....

Yum, Beer!!

For some reason, I so badly desired a beer after this commercial!!

An Empty Crater In My Heart

I started the day off in a real bad way. Feeling overworked and sad and ALONE. I have worked like a dog today and I feel so unappreciated. A client calls today-yes, the one who made me cry. All of a sudden he was sweeter than sugar. He needed me for something. Yes, it's this one client that truly takes advantage and works me to the bone.

My phone rang again. It was a friend who had bad news....my child's friend had died in their sleep. Secret Lovers Lane is not a place for kids, but with my life entwining so lately....and my emotions in flux..my different parts of my life are crossing. A sinking feeling and tears filled my eyes. With out getting into detail, we all dedicate our lives to our children....however, with a child with severe disabilities....the dedication is tremendous. You give your heart, your soul, your life...my heart ached for this mom today. And I have not been able to get this child's face out of my head. A child who was always happy and smiling and always filled my heart with warmth when I saw him. This child was extremely special demonstrating amazing strength with so much working against him. So I have a wake next week that is going to be heart wrenching.

The rest of the day, I threw myself into my work. Trying not to come out of it but the emptiness was so deep that it actually hurt. My chest hurts today. I kind of looked around and said What am I doing? I work like crazy to pay for a house, doing a job that I am underpaid for and stuck in a marriage that is loveless and not able to spend quality time with my children. Something
isn't right here.

And then....Mystery Man came to my head. Yes, my heart is aching for him too. How I wish that I could run to him and just get lost in his arms. How I can see us lying together as I gently kiss his face from his lips to his ear and so gently back again. How flashbacks of us fucking from behind as I look up at him and I can feel our souls connect and he would smile and throw me a kiss in the mirror. I don't know how we can leave that behind.....how I realize now how he was my escape from it all. How our bodies just melded together and our souls healed each other. I have held myself back all night from sending him an email...just saying I had to let you know, I Miss You So Much Tonight. But I didn't send it.

the truth is I don't even want to go upstairs tonight. The tears are finally falling now and I am not sure exaclty why I am crying. I think its the just the whole ball of wax...hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. I haven't felt like this in a long time.....a definite depression. Sweet Dreams My Friend!!

Afraid of Getting Old and All Stressed!

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When Life is A Rollercoaster--Take it for A ride!

Today, I did something I haven't done in years. I had to travel and pick up one of my kids 3 hours away. The ride did me good...it gave me time to think. Actually, I blasted the music they whole way...a great feweling with the sunroof open and the windows and my hair blowing in the wind.

He happened to be in the town where Soulmate Chris lives. Yes, my first true connection in this crazy world I live in. the first man who held me with such passion and kissed me like I don't ever remember being kissed. My podcast buddy, the man who literally saved me when I was desperate and alone. We haven't spoken in over a year. Today I called. I dialed and he picked up and honestly there was silence when he heard it was me. I could feel the pit open in his stomach and his heart skip a beat. The first 3 seconds were awkward and then we started to talk for about a 1/2 hour. It felt good. He asked about me, I just filled him in about the divorce announcement. He was happy for me that I sounded so together.

He had gotten caught...sadly after he had given the affairs up. And honestly, he's back on track and so is his marriage. I told him how happy I was for him and truly glad my friend was doing so well. We chatted about podcasts and life and us. He told me he would have met me but he was going to a theme park with his kids. Funny, I was thinking about doing that with my son too today since I was only 15 minutes away. I decided not to tell him. We probably wouldn't see each other so why stress him out. As we were hanging up....so happy that I called....."I miss you buddy....keep in touch. Call once in awhile to just touch base." I miss you too and I will he said. It was warm, it was nice and I am so glad he was a part of my life. Funny how someone can be with you for a year and you talk 2o times a day...and now....its warm fuzzy memories.

So now I went to the theme park with my son and we had an amazing time. I don't get to spend quality time with him but today we did. It was Rollercoaster Day. Yes, we went on 6-7 rollercoasters. What a rush!! That feeling of escape....of screaming and laughing and enjoying the speed and the flips.....I love rollercoasters! One after another after another....it was insane. My son actually gave up before I did.

We ate crap all day. We laughed, we talked....and we went on some wild rides. A perfect day!! I do think Soulmate Chris saw me at the park..because at one point my phone rang 5 times.....private...and the person didn't leave a message. I checked it so if he was watching me, he would have seen me checking. I probably was blowing his mind that I was there. But quite frankly, I didn't care.

Cumming A Long Way Since My First Affair

I decided to re-do the Rendezvous Radio website with better information for having an affair. So to my surprise, I went to the website and was amazed. Amazed at how different I am today from when I was then. There was a teenage dreamy feel to my thoughts and desires. You can sense the excitement, the desire and I wrote such great poems of desperation.....ite
Reading the website, I realized that I have become an amateur in the field yet no longer that newbie with rose colored glasses and starry eyes. I still believe in romance, I still believe in my soulmate is still out there. But that virgin cheater in me is gone.

I want to thank you all for your advice on the MM matter. And quite frankly, you are 100% right. I sent a sweet note to MM that I care and I am here for him. Realizing how much I do miss our rendezvous' and escapes. Yes , I miss his lips, I miss his cock, I miss the amazing sex! My desire to hold him again is overwhelming but I have to accept it for now.

And Mr. Porsche....my feelings...getting way too comfortable for him. He's feeling way too much control these days. So, I am retreating. I am not calling today nor am I going to discuss any work with him. He wants his work completed...he needs to mention it to me. No good morning baby today. I had forgotten something about out last meeting but my subconscious did not. He had said as we were in the heat of the moment "You love being my slut, you love when I control you and I use you". Now it was all part of the role BUT Cheri does not like the USE YOU part. All weekend was sitting with me. Use me? I don't think so darling....while he meant nothing by it--I need respect. In an affair, you do use each other in a way...each one getting out of it what they need. However, the words didn't sit well with me. I feel like Patrick Swayze's line "No body puts baby in the corner!!"

So, today I am feeling independent and alive. Determined to get my work and projects done. So what do you think should be on the new website? What tips, commments, information was the most useful to you on your journey so far?

Take The Poll on Extramarital Affairs

WOW!! Have you looked at the poll results so far. 72% of the people who voted have had an affair. Cast your vote now!! Let's get some real stats here! (Look at the sidebar for the poll!)

Also, as an FYI, I have reconnected the podcast so for those who wanted to listen, it is now available. It's not on Itunes right now. I have to figure out how to hook it back up there.....

So, it amazes me how I could go from 2 men....so content. To actually none. Mr. Porsche is there but he has been in a wicked mood. Rrrr.....

Do I dare to look again online for my married prince charming? Not at this time..I need to get my head on straight! Focus on me.

Okay I'm exhausted...off the bed!! Wanna join me?

Mystery Man, What should I do?

Instead of disappearing and going MIA as he has in the past. This time, he is staying in contact but I do not know what to do. I really need some advice here.

I've always said that MM has a dark side to him. He has disappeared before and to me it seems like the pressure of work (or pressure of something) really gets to him. Honestly, I think he does have some time of disorder. Manic Depressive, Depression, Anxiety. There is something there that he suffers from.

Now usually, instead of me seeing this, he retreats and disappears....reappearing when things are better with him. This time, he had promised me that he wouldn't disappear and he has been keeping his promise.

Yes, he has said that he is in a bad place. He appreciates me trying to make him smile with jokes and telling him I would be there for him. But he says he's in a bad place right now...he said how he hates this feeling. My heart ached. I felt so helpless.

He wrote me at the beginning of the week that while one head would love to spend time with me and misses me...the other head is really in a bad place. That the walls seem to be closing in and are about to topple on him

I feel helpless. What can I do? I begged him to meet me. That we can just sit and relax and talk or not talk or just hang. That I need to see him. I told him I would work around his schedule....and I basically begged him to just see him. He responded today....

Sorry was out of town and was not checking messages. Don't think I can do what you want, it's just too difficult for me right now. Sorry to
be this way but just very difficult to cope with anything now.

So now what? What do I do? How do I respond to that? Do I send him jokes and try to be light like I was doing? Do I just tell him that I am here for him? Do I admit to him that I feel helpless and that I care and basically ask him what I can do? He's really in a bad place. I don't know if I should play it light and keep sending jokes or if I should be totally serious...what would you say to that note.

I realize now.....how much I care for him. I want to just see him and hold him. To try and make him feel better. He won't do that. I dont want to push the issue and make him run....I want him to know I care. For the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. One wrong move, and I feel like he will disappear forever. Wow, I care so much about him. It hurts me to know he is hurting.

Advice anyone? Please...a direction....I don't want to lose him by making the wrong move here....

A Little S&M Flavor to the Rendezvous

Since my last post, so much as gone on. What an active day yesterday. As I am sitting here, I realize why I don't post Mr. Porsche's meetings. Because the person I am in the bedroom with him is so different than the person I am in all other aspects of my life. It's so difficult to write about the submissive role that I play in our rendezvous' when I am sitting here in such control and Miss. Responsible. And then when I am with him...I've been experimenting in an area that is dark, a little out of my comfort zone yet hot in an offbeat way.

He loves control. He loves controlling me. More than anything in the world,he wants me to call him "My Master"....words I can't bring myself to say.....however yesterday he did get me to say YOU ARE! Damn, we were having anal sex and he was pumping me so hard and I was mentally flying....and as my orgasm was hitting an all time high...he says Who's your master? I would have done anything at this point...the orgasm was coming with such a rush...I screamed and was panting and all I remember was as the rush of the orgasm took over my whole body....I said You are! Yes, in return I knew he was going to take me to a mindblowing state The old OH WOW FACTOR!!! And my body was in that state I love more than anything in this world!! Mmmm....After, I reach that point, I cannot move. My body is tingling, my mind is at peace and its better than any drug in existence. Balance, peace, euphoria...bliss! Yes, the OH WOW CONNECTION!

He's a little rough...he loves my nipples...I mean he is so into them....he loves to get them so damn erect....I can't figure out if its pleasure or pain...its the border sometimes..I can see how S&M has its place when its on that border like that!
Amazingly, it makes me so fucking wet. I mean I giggle that in my 40's that I am wetter than I was when I was in my 20's. I look at the wetting lubricants as I pass them in the drugstores and I giggle sometimes because if I got any wetter...we would be swimming!

The experimental things we've been doing: well anal I've been doing for awhile now but he is the only guy who loves his prostate rubbed. He loves my finger up his ass and massaging his prostate. He is also the first guy that I have given a rim job too. It is a turn on to me that it is so slutty and out of my comfort zone AND that it turns him on so much. The turn on I think is that it turns him on so much to take me beyond my comfort zone. I'm like a little kid being that devil...its mysterious, its hot and everytime I am with him...I am not sure which direction he is going to take me.

Control. Yes, if he makes a request and I don't submit to the request (which is an internal struggle with me at the beginning because of the Miss Independent I am) he will squeeze my nipples a litte harder or grab onto my hair and control my moves. He manages to get my arms pinned when I least expect it and I am intrigued by his manipulation skills. Oh there is trust here. And without that, I would not be able to go out of my comfort zone.

Oh, I control too....when he is lying there and his cock is in my mouth...I know I have the power. Yes, he can't resist my mouth on his cock....my lips wrapped around and sucking as I work my way down his balls and he moans. And quite frankly,the fact that I take him to a place that blows his mind too (with all that he has experienced, the fact that I make him cum like never before--now that's hot!)

What do I enjoy about men? Well of course the hot sex but its also the idea that I learn their body, learn the man. Take the cues and figure out what does it...what excites a man. I am always amazed how one man can be turned on by one thing and another so turned off by the same thing. It's like experiementing with a recipe...testing the different ingredients until.....PERFECT!! You got down exactly what they like....you know what is going to send them through the roof. Yes, I can say that I know what Mr. Porsche and Mystery Man love (and what they don't). Quite honestly they are opposites....lol

The only place I couldn't go...hmmmm....he want to video me masturbating and put it on the internet. Still debating about that one. He laughs....okay, so you tell everyone about every orgasm you have, you have broadcasted your desires, you've posted your tits online...and you don't want to experiment with the next stage. I'll keep you informed about that one. Other mentions that I haven't bit on is someone watching and the newest addition yesterday was him peeing on me. Not sure I can deal with that one....for some reason I am open to things but that is not doing it for me....

So that was my day yesterday. When I got there, I told him I was upset. I gained 5 lbs. and I felt very unsexy. He looked me in the face and said I don't give a shit except it bothers you. You should get to the gym for you. Oh, and then right after my OH WOW Connection.....he slapped my ass 10 fucking times for each lb that I gained times 2. I did not see that coming....it hurt but I giggled....

And of course, the cuddling. No man escapes a rendezvous without cuddling with me. "This is so important to you. You love the cuddling'. He likes it too...but its not as important to him as it is to me. Yeah, I miss the connection with someone. I love lying in a man's arms and him holding me tight as I lie on his chest and gently move my nails around on his chest. Honestly, the last few months, both Mr. Porsche and MM have fallen asleep while I do that. It's relaxing, we're at peace....its a connection.

So, that was my day with Mr. Porsche. then I went to meet my High School friends. What a fucking amazing time I had. I laughed so damn hard...I'll give you an update later.

Have a great day. Yes, today I am at peace!! Balance!! I feel goooooooDDDD!!! SEX IS GOOOOOODDD!! Good Sex is Heaven!!!

Ashley Madison On the Radio This morning

The clock radio goes off this morning. You know it blasts and usually I barely stir. Today, the station was talking about Ashley Madison Agency.....how married men and women are living secret lives through this site. It was only a second, but you had to see me jump for that snooze bar. Last thing I need is hubby on Ashley now. No baby, that's my playground...

So yes, I started the morning out with a burst of energy! Jumping out of bed and deciding to try and make the most of this day. I worked from 6A-2AM last night. Deciding that I need to figure out how to manage my life and get more dough into the pot. I know money is not the answer to happiness but the lack of it can surely make you unhappy and stressed.

More and more signs lately have been pointing to me making career growth changes. Problem....I have so many great ideas, its just making them happen....everything takes time and I really can't work anymore hours. So...I need to sit down and plan. I know I can do this....I am a survivor! I always have been...I manage to land on my feet (and its not by accident...I work my ass off). I need to sit down and do an internal evaluation but lately the overwhelming creative ideas I have..seem to give me anxiety attacks. I have to think of it as business not my life. As a business woman, I am so together. I am so directed. Gotta put that into my personal life!

Today, I am meeting Mr. Porsche. I have mixed reactions. He is beyond stressed and his compassion and friendship which used to bond us has not been there. We barely talk anymore and when I used to be his sounding board--its not there. When we are together it is great!! But today, I am not feeling sexy. I am feeling fat and ugly. Not exactly the sexual energy that I usually transmit. Today I am a blob. I am thinking about staying dressed and just sucking his cock for two hours.

Is it possible for the music to never end?

I was putting my little one to sleep and this song came on the radio....the words just echoed throughout my head. Funny how I can't remember something that happened an hour ago...but the words to this song just came flowing back to me and here I was sitting in her room, singing her to sleep...and thinking..wow, so true. As a tear fell from my e ye as reality was right there. As we all grow, isn't it expected that we may take different roads and journeys?

And with all these questions in this song...there really is no answer. Life and love is just so unpredictable. "Since we know that its always changing, how can it always be the same"...so damn true. How do you keep the music playing? Is it possible to be best friends and lovers?

Finding Me- Again and Again and Again

Yes, I am in the finding me mode again. Frustrated and depressed--I literally put on 6 lbs this week. Amazingly scary! Yes, I am a comfort food person...my mom came over and when I put this shirt on she said "Oh....and rolled her eyes and blew her cheeks out like a blowfish. Hmm...I guess she noticed the 6 lbs? What a supportive mom....always there to jab an extra knife into the situation. Having enough...I mean I have really had enough with her and her critical view where she has always been right (my poor dad). I kindly asked my father to have her out of my house when I get back. Yes, I hit the wall with her.

This was right after the husband brought up coming on this business trip I have in October. WHAT?!!?!? So yes, I flipped. Flipped because my husband and my mother to deal with in one room is a torture chamber. No one could handle it. The combination is deadly.....

I am reading this book right now......about Women and midlife crisis'. Ironically, I purchased it 4 years ago but never got into it. Actually, it is now that I am meant to read it. You see, while the women in this book are 50......it perfectly describes my attitude and feelings. Except for one thing, I am lucky enough to still have some looks. One portion of this books theory is that at 50..its an adjustment to no longer be able to use your looks but your other assets you have.

And then I realized...wow, how sucky is that. I have only a few good years left to use my looks. Yes, I do admit it...I use my looks and my personality. Ironically, when I was absolutely stunning....I didn't know how to use my looks because I was so insecure (thanks mom...yes, you saying my fat thighs which now I look back and they were hot and muscular!)

But the good news is that I got this book just in time. You see.....it has finally hit me. A woman has a different midlife crisis. She wants to find herself again and her interests. She wants to take control of her life and enjoy her life. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. My work, my house, my husband, my mom......all are demanding of me. Ironically, my children are probably the least demanding now that I look at it. And the ones I want to spend some time with and enjoy. I am missing out....I am working so damn hard and meeting the demands of other people that I am missing out on what I want the most in life. Spend quality time with my children and quality time for myself.

A new found independence!! You see, the fact that I found this book today (instead of at 50) is a sign for me to start now in what I want. Not wait......I am in my prime. I am still pretty and turn heads (yes, I made sure yesterday after my mom made that remark). So, its time to LEAP and manage my time better......

As for Secret Lovers Lane....I want to blog about my day with Mr. Porsche..it was hot!! As for Mystery Man, my heart is breaking. He wrote back--while it is very tempting, my other head is wacked out right now.....how I hate this feeling......
More and more I am convinced that he suffers from depression or bipolar. I want to be there for him but he won't let me. I offered to treat him to a day at the motel...with no words, no sex just 2 hours of a massage, napping and relaxing.....we will see if he responds.....

Okay, back to planning my day. It's been boring sexually here.....I have been masturbating and using my toys actually but its not the same. Oh, I get that orgasm and thankfully I get extremely wet.....my pink vibrator still goes in and out with ease and does its job. But its not the same as a man's cock.......mmmmmmmm..........I love that feeling when the cock is just entering me.....feeling myself spread as it slowly goes in.....oh no...I am getting horny...no time for that...damn I love a hard cock!!

I tossed and turned all night. I went to sleep feeling really alone. But that is okay. I look at it this way, when I get divorced...I will be alone at times. And the feeling was sad but I was able to accept it. It didn't make me want to work out my marriage which tells me, I am doing the right thing. The easy thing would be to accept my life as it is...and like a dog, roll over into submis,sion. I can't do that. I deserve happiness. We all deserve happiness.

I decided to leave Mr. Porsche alone. I sent a note saying I was there for him and I totally backed off. A little out ofcharacter for me but I felt I needed to. Maybe this assistant he mentions all the time is giving him what he needs. I am not going to push. I am going to sitback and let him set the direction.

Meanwhile I decided to do something I haven't done in a million years......I went back onto Ashley Madison Agency. And I was soooo surprised. First of all, a lot more single men (not sure how I feel about that one but for where I am right now in my life--for me its good). AND, to my
surprise, a lot more men have pictures up there. Very bold, very bold. I am shocked. Of course, I am not complaining...it gives me an opportunity to browse quicker. Decide if there is any attraction at all....could there be chemistry? Too bad we all can't take an oath....I promise that once I come to this site, I will never reveal if I know someone.......kind of like the old what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. What happens on Ashley Madison, stays on Ashley Madison...hehehe.

So, I found a few potentials and one who was handsome and I seemed to be drawn to him. I decided to spend the 5 credits and send him a note. Kind of a bizarre thing, the friend who introduced me to Mr. Porsche transferred his credits to me....so he is aiding in me flirting with men. The guy hasn't been on in 7+ days so he may never come back on.....who knows....time will tell.

Divorce Attorney....I had agreed to meet him this weekend, he must have got scared again. I haven't returned his calls and find it very humorous....we were meeting for coffee......geez..

And as I was writing this note, Mr Porsche called. I kept it friendly and business like. He had no clue that I took it as I was losing him. What it seems like is that he was just in such a stressed bad mood, he didn't want to have contact with me to attack me. We may meet tomorrow. I am not sure what is going on....I am going to not THINK!!

For all those who asked, hubby did not find the blog yet. I would have seen it in his history but I have to be damn careful these days. No little codes around..they are in (or in this case) on my ass....with my Ashley Madison Affiliate code!! hehehehe

Life is Heating Up

I never got a chance to write about my hot tryst with Mr, Porsche. Actually its in draft form in my blog because I never got to finish it. Why? My life has been heating up big time. Work has been insane and homelife is getting nuts.

Hubby is going through my stuff and questioning my every move. I am suffocating here. And the funny part, I am less active than I have been in a long time. No Ashley MAdison activity....no Mystery Man.....and Mr. Porsche is like a moving target. I always said when I got divorced I wanted to be alone to decide whether it was what I really wanted. And quite frankly, that is where I am now.

I called hubby on his online site activities. His response--its better than a porn site. It's entertainment. He claims to know something about me...what I am not sure. He knows I have bought lingerie--I am not sure if he is talking about my bras or he found some of my outfits. Either way...it doesn't matter. He's on a site, he's daying he's divorced--be careful what you wish for because you just might get it! A line from the new Pussycat Doll's song!

I do want the divorce....its time. It's time to gain my freedom. It's time to move on. but the truth is...I will be entering a whole new world and I am happy in my world here. I am happy and comfortable in the underground married but looking world. Will I stay and be a single person hooking up with married men? Wow, so much to decide. So much to figure out....my head is spinning.

So what are some of the decisions I made this weekend? I want to be divorced but can't afford it. Hence, its time to look for ways to make more money. However, the hubby has a right to anything until I serve him papers. Hence, back to the fact I need to find a lawyer get the ball rolling and then expand my business.

ALONE...since Mr. Porsche has been back...he has no time for me. We haven't had a conversation (except in bed) that lasted more than 3 minutes. I miss him. And MM, I tempted him again.....I miss his cock...I miss that delicious, hard cock and me wrapping my lips around it making that slurping sound. I miss his moans, I miss him telling me how I am amazing at sucking cock...I miss his cock thrusting deep inside of me....hmmm...I think you understand where I am coming from here....lol

Funny story about divorce attorney..but first, I need to go finish my day with Mr. Porsche.....it was something that cannot be left out of my blog....it was a day to remember!

Yes, MM and I have been going back and forth the last few days. Me trying to lure him to paradise.....here is our email exchange. BTW, met Mr. Porsche yesterday..it was H-O-T!! I will post our session later-- a little dominance control...and fun!

Cheri
Am I allowed to tell you that I miss your cock right now? How I am thinking about us fucking and getting so horny with no relief in site? Just curious if I am allowed to say that? lol

Mystery Man
Are you attempting to tempt me???

Cheri
ME?!?!? Sweet, innocent me?!? Oh my....would that make me an angel succubus? LOL

Hypothetically, of course, would your cock get hard if you thought about my lips wrapped around it...making that noise as I slurp right to the top and then do circles with my tongue going back down to try and suck every centimeter of your cock...Oh YUM!..or maybe it is the image of you thrusting in me in the frog or my legs over my head..going so deep as I beg you for more.....or maybe as I kiss your ear to your lips so gently as you relax and I massage you....?

Would you consider that attempting to tempting you? Would it be a
successful attempt to tempt you to meet me sometime in the near future!? lol

Mystery Man
your quite the evil bitch ya know.....would there be any sparkles????

Cheri:
LMFAO.....You are so fuckin funny....

I do KNOW---there would be Fireworks.......and loud noises!!


Sparkles are only upon request....Do you want me to massage you in oil and then roll your cock in sparkles!?!

Look, they designed a special room after us in Paradise....we must have given them the idea!! ( I took a room from the motel and with Blingee...put tons of sparkles all over it!)

My lips are yearning for your cock, your lips, every inch of you............!!! TEMPTING?!

Matthew Broderick?! John Edwards?!? Affair is in the Air

Wow...today's cheating news was heated once again. Political people....oh well, such is life and not surprising. He's a good looking guy. But I am saddened by Matthew Broderick. I love Sara Jessica Parker.....they make such a cute couple.
Well, neither rumor is confirmed yet BUT I wouldn't be surprised (I'm sure you wouldn't either)

So back to secret lovers lane.....

In 1 hour, I will hopefully be in Mr. Porsche's arms. A foul mood again today..colder than ice BUT I know its not me. But boy oh boy....he is in rare form.

However, I am overlooking it because I am so fucking horny. I can't tell you that I woke up this morning and jumped out of bed....watching that clock....working like crazy to get everything done. As I am working, I can feel the wetness in between my legs. The tightness is almost unbearable. I think I am going to cum just from his touch today....I was considering to masturbate first, because I am out of control horny......

it didn't help when I woke up this morning and Mystery Man had answered my email. I sent him a note saying....so...am I allowed to tell you that I desperately miss sucking on your cock? that I miss us fucking and I am so horny? I was curious if that is allowed? His response:

Are you trying to tempt me?

Mmmmmmmmmmmmm............I wish I could fuck him right now.....I can't tell you how badly I want his cock...so deep inside of me...sigh.....wetter....I better go get ready....I may explode!! I didn't respond yet to Mystery Man in fear he would want to meet today...but I will after I meet Mr. Porsche.....you know, I would be happy with one on and one off BUT with the two it makes my body sing!!!!!! YUMMY!!!!!!!

Cheri is Happy today!!!

The Meeting of the minds..

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Alone...

Walking around the dollar store today, I realized that I probably never felt as alone as I do right now. Or I should rephrase that...I have never been as alone as I am right now. MM gone....Mr. Porsche not really making me any type of priority in his life. I feel my last ties to hubby are cut. Yes, it is truly me right now. And I am okay. Laughing how did I get here...I mean I was so damn content and it seems like the rug was pulled out from under me (again) Why is it feast or famine in my life. But as I walked down the aisles, I realized...I am alone BUT I am okay. I can really only count on me...my friends busy with their lives (supportive but busy)...but I am positive right now just a lot of change.

I have to say that I am so sad about Mr. Porsche. This is a man I had counted on to be my friend, my confidant and my lover. He was so supportive and for the first time in our affair, I feel like I don't matter at all. A second thought. And I told him I feel that way....and all it would take was a little effort on his part but he chose not to do anything but not contact me today. I, pulled away. I did not call and I am really hurt and do not plan on calling him tomorrow. Or even calling him back. I think I am going to take a break....I don't want to feel like I am an after thought. I need to feel wanted and I don't feel that way with him. I used to feel I was a priority...after the main priorities.....now I feel like I have slipped down to ...if he has nothing else to do.

What would it take to make me happy? All I require is a little attention and a feeling that you want to see me....that you can't wait for us to be together. Unless Mr. Porsche shows that effort tomorrow, I am not going to meet him this week.

So is there a guy out there that would make me feel special. that will make me feel like I am important in his life? I need to find that man.....I need to branch out. I am beginning to think that I need to spread my wings a little. Hmmm......what direction do I go?

A New Day....I Need A Little Sex

Yes, I need some sex. Percy is correct, I have been spoiled, spoiled, spoiled. And the fact that the hubby is looking makes me want to have an earth shattering sex session, free of any guilt or inhibitions...RIGHT NOW!!

Can you hear me panting? Masturbating last night did nothing except make me even more horny today. It took no time for me to cum. Imagining Mr. Porsche playing with me and opening the door to a delivery guy who then watches me play with myself and POOF...instant orgasm....

The Surgeon popped in this morning to start my morning off telling me that he had a dream about me last night and woke up and he came in his sleep. All night, he was rock hard and tossing and turning. BUT....he still won't meet me. So I am wondering, is he a surgeon? is that his picture? I am doubting it. I am finding that the only reason a person doesn't want to meet is if they aren't who they say they are.

So I browsed Ashley Madison last night and there are a few prospects. No I did not contact anyone and my profile is still off. Because once I get addicted to Ashley, I end up spending tons of time on there. And right now, I have to get my career in order not worry about another man. Although I have to say, I am horny beyond belief!

Oh, and I remembered I forgot to show you my favorite bathing suits from that site.....ok, which one of you are going to wear this for me?!?!?! Now here is my question. Is this guy that big when he is limp? Or is his cock flexible enough to be hard and face down like that. I mean look at that specimen.....now I pull MM's cock in second gear but this is like.....5th gear or something. Is he just that endowed and what girth....I'm sorry, I am just looking at that cock and my mouth is watering!!

I opened up a PO Box this week. I am planning to start re-doing the website and would like to review toys and other products. So, I needed to get a box. It is a good 2 hours from my house in a location that no one would know me....(just in case)....but can you believe that I was able to get Suite 169!! OOOOOOOOOhhhh!!! I asked do you have 169 available? Yes, we do. Wonder what the guy was thinking. He actually shot me a look..hehehehe.

So if you have a product you would like reviewed!! Let me know!! Or you got something to send me?? Let me know!! I am at Suite 169!!!!!!!!

Way Too Easy

So either the hubby is the stupidest and worse cheater alive OR he purposely is leaving hints. Today he left the dating screen open on his account right on the sidebar. Please, can he be that stupid? I decided to leave it totally open on the screen....so he then wonders if I saw it or if I didn't. He has to wonder....I also found out that he didn't pay for the service so he isn't corresponding with anyone. Which means there has really been nothing going on except with one IM....but you never know. Except as we all know that is he did find someone......she would be pissed that he was still hanging out on the site so obviously he didn't find a match yet. COLD AS ICE! Is the best way to describe me these days.

So here I sit. What a time for Mystery Man to fly the coop and for Porsche to be so busy. Porsche doesn't have the time for me and I am feeling like I am not even on his list. He knows I feel that way (ahem...you know me, can't keep things hidden). Truth is, I don't know if he is going to be enough alone for me.

It's been weeks since I have gotten a good sexual encounter and I am fucking horny. I wrote Mystery Man tonight.....I know, I know...but I had to. I basically just said...so...am I allowed to tell you that I want your cock so badly right now and I am sitting here thinking about you fucking me and satisfying me totally. Just curious, am I allowed to tell you how damn horny I am for you? lol

You know I was hard up today. I began flirting with Divorce Attorney. Begging me to meet him for lunch.

Mr. Porsche had planned for us to be together on Wednesday but quite frankly, I couldn't wait to schedule my week. Work first. I said to him....so, if I asked you to keep open three days....would you do that for me? Point taken. He apologized and said he understood. There is a little stress between us.....he is taking off tomorrow and Friday...he was just gone for three weeks....

I know. I am not attractive when I am pouting but I am damn horny....I need a man!! It's like a desert right now in Secret Lover Lane...do I dare to go back to Ashley Madison? It might be time for some new frogs!!

He's On An Online Dating Site

Oh yes....here is another I Love Cheri episode you all will enjoy immensely.

I have noticed the hubby has been on the computer more than usual. Now he is not looking for a job anymore and the other day when I came down , he had that sudden move thing going on at the computer. Well, well, well hubby dear, I am the Queen of Cheatin Signs. Little does he know that I had researched it in depth for my podcast and my website. I mean I give cheating tips online to help my friends and readers find the perfect companion on Ashley Madison. LOL

Okay, so let's take a look at this:

1)Sudden movement at the computer when I walk in with body shifting.
2) Sudden improvement in appearance (well that wasn't a definite given since I did ask for a divorce and reality set in...but still a sign)
3) Contacts suddenly--- a definite sign!!!!
4) The last week--staying on the computer after I go to bed
5) Joining a gym (well that goes with the divorce thing BUT also the cheating thing)
6) And the new thing--he whistles in the house (driving me nuts)

So while he was at work yesterday, I decided to take a glance at the computer. Now, now hubby doesn't cover his tracks very well. What is my number 1 rule of online cheating.....erase your history!! And so there is was in black and white...he's on a dating site for singles. It didn't even take me a second to find it. And when I clicked it on....his new fake Yahoo email appeared.

So let's see, how long has he been browsing this site. 7 weeks....signed on about 4 weeks ago...that makes sense now. Actually, I even know he had a date on Friday. How? He strangely called me as if to check in and justify where he was going to be for a two hour period. Very bizarre behavior for him and unnecessary since I thought he was at work (a red flag). And his questioning my time....where I am at different times.....hmmm....its all coming together.

So now I know the site and that he is looking. Well its simple enough..set up my own dummy account and see if I can find him. If he has a picture listed, he's out the door. I mean that is disgusting since the world could see it and people in the neighborhood know that he is married. So, I first browse a 5 mile radius of the ones with pix....he's not there. Then I do the none pix....and bingo! Only one town over--fitting his description.

I must tell you. His profile stinks. He should have been a little more imaginative and put a little more into it. He needs Cheri's advice on writing a great profile. Okay, I am not 100% sure (90%) that it is him so now I wait. He comes home and I am cold as ice. I can guarantee he is going to run to the computer after and check the site for mail. And he does just as I think he will--straight for the computer. I wait 4 minutes and hop online. Looking to see if that person I thought was him was ONLINE NOW and voila!! He was. So I now know his name on the site.

He has only chatted IM twice on the site. I checked his phone last night for a number and I think I narrowed it down to three numbers with one that I am 90% sure is a woman.

And my reaction.....to my surprise....relief! Okay I am annoyed that she sent him to the Fredericks of Hollywood site to look at certain lingeries (now if he spends money and buys her them--he will lose his balls since I am struggling to pay the bills and he doesn't give enough money to live here). However, overall, I had to giggle on how ridiculously easy it was to find the details out.

And, I also have grounds for divorce now. Or at least the beginning of grounds which I didn't have before unless I went into emotional abuse. So, how funny is that? It was way too easy. He really needs be smarter.

So that's my story of the day. I thought you would enjoy it. With this card in my pocket, I have more power. I also can use it to get him out of the bedroom and maybe he will find someone else.

So how do I officially know I am doing the right thing and that I don't love him anymore? Because when I found out, I was concerned for all the wrong reasons. Okay Cheri, you better get the finances in place better...okay Cheri, make sure you get him to do what he has to around here. It immediately lifted the little guilt I was feeling about my lifestyle. In a way, I felt I got my ticket to some freedom.

Oh wait...I forgot. He looked at my profile online...hehehe...of course I made it the opposite of what I am. How funny if my husband tried to pick me up...the old Pina Colada Song.....lol

Have a great day...hope you were amused!!

OMG...I haven't laughed so hard....

Yes, this was a coffee spurting out all over my computer moment! It is worth two posts for these pix. You have to see my favorite one tomorrow. These are unbelievable. I know that Mystery Man and I are off right now but I had to share these with him. I mean they are so damn funny. So I sent it and just wrote had to share...lol

Yes, his warped sense of humor...he wrote back that he laughed out loud and thanked me...I wrote back that I would buy him one. So, we are on good terms...I so badly want him.

Now back to these pix....I mean...WOW...I can't imagine any man I know in these. I think you have to be a really gay manly man to wear this with muscles like these guys. And I recommend sending this to someone and asking them how many should you order them (and by the way...they are available!!)

He's Back and I am Happy but...

I woke up this morning and I felt okay. Lots of work stress, lots of home problems but I felt okay. Not sure when Mr. Porsche was coming home....but I was smiling thinking about it.

The phone rang...and a smile came to my face. My insides were smiling. He couldn't talk long but he was back. I Missed You. Mmmmm....I made him say it again....I loved hearing it. We fell right into place....he started talking about an issue at work. He's very good at chess, I can tell. Patience and plans and watches maneuvers...he has something going down that I would never sleep.

I am trying to fit you in..I want to see you. Okay so to me that was like..he was going to see me before friday. Well my week is booked through Thursday, I am trying to fit you in on Monday. OKAY. Dead silence. I assumed he would fit me in by Tuesday. I busted his chops a little more. But now that I am thinking about it..I understand work comes first but hey, we have work to go over too. So I am doubly annoyed...a little although I am so glad he is back.

Well I know games are not recommended BUT I think I need to be a little less accessible at last minute notice. Guess I won't be seeing Mr. Porsche for another week. No call tomorrow....he has to call me. Just a little coolness and distance. A little less attainable....

Sigh..men are so difficult...LOL

UPS Man Returns and Being Drawn To My Blog

Drawn to my blog. Drawn to my safe haven. Yes, this blog has been consistent in my life for three years now. When my heart aches, my thoughts are to blog. Throw it all up here and maybe it will go away.

Truth is, Mystery Man leaving just made me look at me. We're in a holding pattern but now I can look around and see my life. Conclusion 1. I need to get out more. I need to start doing little things not just sitting in this house and working. Life is passing me by and I am missing it. Oh yes, I am experiencing a lot in my secret life but my real life is pathetic.

Hubby is being an ass. did I tell you he lost 45 lbs. and got contacts-- a new him! I mean he looks really good again, joined a gym and everything. Except I realize its the person I can't stand. He has decided to do nothing around here. Has been coming home at 11 at night. And last night....he just decided he didn't want to put out child back to sleep so I could work. (I had done it twice). He was busy with itunes he said. ASS..wouldn't it be funny if he found Rendezvous Radio...hehehhhehe

The UPS man showed up today. Oooo LALALALA!! Actually he got his hair cut and he looks 12. Way too young. He handed me my package and said here you go Cheri....I smiled....I forgot to ask his name and if he was my new UPS man. I am off in flirting these few days. Well I went into the house and I turned around and he was watchng me.....yummy ass he has. He waved and smiled. Hot smile...but the spikey hair makes him look so young. Oh well.....I would love to fuck him once so I can say I did a man in uniform. Wait..I have done a man in uniform.....hmmmm...ok, a man in a brown shorts uniform...in his truck!!!

Handcuffs? Blindfolds? Shaving? Next week should be fun!

Mr. Porsche has been away and I cannot forward any provocative emails. They are purely business emails....although after he teased me with these....I did respond to him as if I was discussing the website.... About the pubic hair....well... it was an unruly section of the website that needed us to go over together.....
Anyway....I figured I would share these with you.....hopefully I am in for some fun when he gets back.

I'willwrite more later......

Here's his emails:

Close your eyes after you read this

Your laying down and I grab you from behind. I hand cuff your hands, then blindfold you. I start to whisper in your ear that you wont get hurt as long as you do as told. I start to feel your breasts, then move toward those great nipples that I love biting on and I hear you wince as I pull them tight. I start to lick your breasts and then as your breathing gets rougher, I nibble on the nipples. then I start to get rougher and bite them. oh how I love to chew those ripe babies.

I can see your pussy is getting your panties wet so I ripe them off. I see you haven't shaved as I have been away. I feel your pussy is hot and as I tease the lips your clit pokes out.. I reach into my bag of goodies and you hear something. oh no.. you feel the shaving cream as its being applied to your whole pussy... to be continued you soon..

remember strictly professional responses from your side ....lol nite babe

New Email:
I had decided to let you imagine the hair cut you will get for the mean time. Next I will have you bend over and use some rope to tie your breasts up. this has a great effect when done because the nipples and breasts get that more sensitive. With your wet pussy getting more excited by the minute I will tease it until you are begging to get deeply fucked by my THICK cock! Maybe I will wait till your clit is sticking out for me to nibble on it as I pinch your nipples and listen to you moan. Ah but all this fun and no touching your asshole yet. I will probably lick my way down further and swipe across your little rose bud. to continue...

So why does it hurt so much? Truth is, he filled such a void in my life. In a weird dysfunctional way, he made my home life tolerable. Yes, I was happy. I was content. I was satisfied--emotionally, sexually, physically. Mystery Man brought all that to my life. So losing that--yes, but a huge vacumn in my chest. But, the difficult part--I have to go back to look at my life. When you are happy, reality seems more tolerable. When you are living that secret life (or two in my case)--you can deal with unhappiness at home. You are getting it somewhere else.

But now...reality is staring me in the face again. Mr. Porsche is coming back and things are great when we are together. But I need another lover. I need to not put all my eggs in one basket. But quite frankly, I don't have the energy to look and the desire to put my heart on the rollercoaster again. Oh nothing beats a connection....nothing beats that high of lust!

So now what? Think about what I avoid-my life, my work. And continue with Mr. Porsche next week and I will be fine. Yes, focus more on me and getting life back on track. when I have the two of them, I was so content....I didn't want change.

Things at home are super sucky now. I barely talk. Just exist!

It's beginning to sink in. I feel like a teenager again...the drama. Did I tell you about the time my girlfriend and I lied under a steamroller and took pix with signs that said our boyfriend's names...Yes, they were steamrolling over our hearts....LOL I actually called that friend tonight. Yes, 30 years later and we are still picking up the broken pieces of each other's hearts. And what is she doing tonight? She was getting ready for A-Rod's party and then heading to Jeter's (I swear, how funny is that)! Damn, we went in such different directions...yet we are still the same.

So...if I didn't answer Mystery Man's note, he would have just thought I was mad. And I am not. I am wondering if its a seasonal thing...he was gone last July and August...hmmmm...anyway, I decided to take the honest and high road. Here is my note back to him:

And to think I was thinking of getting a Brazilian wax this week.....phew, now that would have been useless pain!!! (hehehe)

So..so....so.....A lot is going on in my head tonight. I know you know that. I'll leave it as I am very, very sad (but I am not mad). Wish I could help (I am worried about you) but I know you are wired differently...that's why I enjoy you so much (my wires are off a little too you know) lol

But you are 100% right....it definitely sucks and its not what I wanted to hear (I enjoy being with you) BUT.....I am happy that you told me this time. Thank you baby, I appreciate it. I am going to miss you and our trips to paradise. Please keep in touch and don't stay away too long. No pressure, always enjoyment!! xoxo

Devastated.....got a shovel to scoop me up?

"sorry haven't been in a good mood. appreciate your attempts to cheer
me up and wanting to listen but I'm just not wired that way. Until I
can get past my issues, I'll be somewhat difficult. Nothing you can do
to change it unfortunately, it just has to run it's course. I know
it's not what you wanted to here but it' just the way it is. I know it
SUCKS for everyone!!! I'll be in touch ;-("

Yes...its Mystery Man..
I saw it coming but until it actually gets here....you forget how much it hurts. The good news, he at least sent a note this time and didn't declare it over. The bad news is...it fucking hurts. I could feel the void in my heart opening again and the tears filling my eyes.

This time, I got smarter. I have Mr. Porsche and everything is great with him. Even while he is away he is sending me provocative emails....so we are okay. However, my heart is aching right now. It must be a seasonal thing with Mystery Man...this happened last summer at the same time. I am going to miss him terribly.

I can't even write more right now. It's actually first settling in. I know I shouldn't get attached...I know this isn't going any further.....but when something feel so good its so hard to give it up....he's my addiction!

EBAY is not fulfilling MY VOID!!!

Love that everyone agrees that a married friend is not the best way to go!! LOL

Well I am sexually frustrated and using my down time to do work and try to fulfill a void with EBAY. My conclusion-- Fucking and an affair is so much more satisfying than purchases on EBAY. Oh yeah, I get the high when I win....my bank account is going down, down, down...and a get a little flitter when the package arrives but quite frankly.....an affair is MUCH better. More satisfying and Ebay doesn't compare.

When I was younger and I broke up with a guy i was living with...I went shopping for two days straight and the only thing that satisfied my void was the purchase of a new hot red sports car. These days, the money is not there and I don't think it will fulfill that void like hot wild OH WOW SEX does!!

So here is a winner.....I found these Betsey Johnson Frog Earrings....Prince Charming Earrings...and I loved them. I mean I should own these...they were screaming my name. And I figured who else would wear such earrings. For me they would be a hidden fun thing (I bought a frog bracelet..hehehe). The damn earring are going for over $55 now.....they were at $1.49 Geez....and they are so damn cute...oh well....the bracelet will have to do...

All I can tell you is that MM better get out of his funk and Mr. Porsche better get his ass home. I am annoyed. We agreed that I wouldn't send any sexual emails...but he could send to me. All he has sent was business.....yes, insecurity is building... and I miss him terribly!!

Sigh.....both the Divorce Attorney and the Surgeon are annoying me. I avoided them for two days. As for the surgeon, I don't get it. What is up with the IM messages only. He doesn't want to meet or talk...it's so played already.....

A-Rod and Madonna An Affair? Divorce, Cheating...Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook On the Internet Dating?!?! WOW

So the cover of the NY Post is covered with A-Rod's wife filing for divorce because she can't take his cheating ways. Madonna is filing for divorce and A-Rod has been hanging out at Madonna's apartment. Hmmmm....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out something is going on!

I feel bad for A-Rod's wife. She just got had a baby and supposedly he flew in for 10 minutes to see the new baby. I want to think that is because of his baseball schedule not his cock needing Madonna.

Well I gotta tell ya, I would looove A-Rod to join Ashley Madison. Now there is a treat for all us woman...a sexy, boy toy!! But I guess he doesn't need the internet..that man probably has a harem already just waiting for him.

And then there is the Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook divorce. Wooo Hoo!! It is vicious. Now Peter Cook found women online. I wonder if he was part of Ashley Madison or Match.com? Now he is hot. I never saw him on there....definitely not. But its better anyway that famous people don't find these married but looking sites. Because if they get busted....man oh man....you are going down with them in the paper...

Nah, I like my privacy......I like that everyone on Ashley Madison has just as much to lose so its honesty amongst thieves theory. Something about online. Its such a better way to meet. A friend of mine fell in love with another parent and basically things are so fucked up right now. yes, the old soccer mom and dad hooking up....bad move. Poor kids.....the whole town is talking. It's ugly. All avoided when you meet someone out of your town....

Wow, sex is in the air (just not mine this week...sigh...back to work)

Can you say ASEXUAL?

Oh man......I have been so sexually deprived. Mr. Porsche is out of the country. Mystery Man is busy working and probably won't be able to see me this week. I am bored with the Divorce Attorney (he's so demanding and pushy). The Surgeon pops in to say hello....(the only online is getting so played).

So...I am sexless. I am asexual. Oh wait, to top it off. At 4AM, the hubby was touching my leg. I thought it was a bug crawling on me. He got busted and I flipped. I mean I am totally grossed out by that. It's like he's trying to fuck a dead body. The thought that he plays with my pussy when I am sleeping is disgusting. I told him to get the fuck out. He pretended he didn't know what he was doing....but when I moved he pulled his hand away quickly.....DUH!! He's creeping me out....I feel violated. I mean he's really scaring me.....I don't even know who he is...he may kill me in my sleep...(I hope that is just drama but I am a little concerned when he is weird like this and strange even during the day).

It's time again to start moving ahead. His small salary has been helping but I can't handle this.

Let's see on a happier note......

Heard from DigEm....it was one year ago that we met. I called him. I was upbeat but he knows me so well...he sensed a little sadness in my voice. Amazing...what a great guy he is!!

What else?! NOTHING!! Oh, I have been shopping on EBAY like a mad woman. Never did it before but I have been frustrated so I bought sooooo much. Jewelry, bathroom sinks, suits for work, more jewelry.....lol

Is asexual a consideration if you masturbate? Does that count? I just sat upstairs in my big chair and played with myself fantasizing about two guys watching me and wanting to fuck me....it took a little bit, but I ended up cumming.....rubbing my clit in my famous circles.....so I feel a little better I guess.

Ok, back to work. Trying to get a lot of work done this week on my website and other real work. I might has be successful and make money if I can't fuck right?

Alone AND I have two men?!?!

Everything was fine....no glitters were discovered and yes, Mystery Man finds the humor in the whole thing!! My kind of man!!

And then there is Mr. Porsche....so stressed since he is going away. I mean beyond stressed. He can hardly even think or talk his mind is so fragmented (takes one to know one!)

Well, I had a DVD series I had bought for him that I wanted to give to him before he went away. It was kind of a joke, while we were relaxing and talking he was watching the re-run of an old tv show. I was like hey,,,,,no tv...ME!! He laughed. So I bought him the whole first series of the show and told him "here, watch it on your own time now!' He laughed hysterical.

Knowing that he really had no time for me (understandably)...I decided to go to him. Yes, driving to his office which takes a good hour and it is stressful..right in the city. I called him from the traffic....almost there....come down, I said for 5 minutes...he left the office and I picked him up on the corner.

Poor baby....stress was written all over his face. Well, well..looks like Cheri is the de-stresser was on all this week. I reached over with my hand and rubbed his cock....."there is no way that is moving!' I laughed. I drove to a remote spot while he told me all his crap. I gave him the DVD and he smiled, was shocked and so appreciative. He's used to giving...not receiving and I was so happy to be able to give him something. He kept saying over and over I didnt want you to spend money on me.....and I can't believe bought that for me.....it made me feel so good.

Well, I listened to him and played and kissed him and tried to relax and make him laugh. His cock did get a little hard but more importantly, I saw the stress leave his face a little and he smiled. After a 1/2 hour ( I guess I knew it wouldnt be 5 minutes) I started to head back.. I mean I came for a kiss...but then I said...let me kiss your cock good by. No...he said..I looked at him and said did you think I traveled this far to kiss your lips only? Take that baby out....I am going to kiss him good by. A control issue....but I was going to win.....straight forward..I am not taking you back until I suck that cock for 1 minute.......so my darling, either take him out or I will rip your pants off....he laughed and undid his zipper and there was that succulent cock!!!

I am enjoying it....yummy!!! He moans as I swallow it hole...he was a little hard so I could get it all in my mouth......Yeah, yeah now you can deep throat me....and we laughed as I put his cock and I licked his balls with my tongue at the same time.

We headed back....come on, I am going to take this car for a quick car wash. My heart melted. You see, my dad used to take care of my cars. Its he one area that i am helpless. My dad took my cars for oil changes and car washes and everything. The hubby doesn't do shit. So for some reason, his offering to clean my car was so amazing. He had the guy clean it inside and out and my rims which were black....I got in and I kissed him and hugged him. Thank you. He couldnt understand it....but he takes care of me. He protects me and quite frankly if I needed someone....I would run to him first. I know I can count on him......

So he's off now. Mystery Man is somewhere in this world and I have decided to dedicate my two weeks to work (hopefully hearing from MM at least to meet next week). It's going to be weird without Mr. Porsche...I mean we talked 4 times a day.....scary....I will have withdrawals.

Ironically, the Divorce Attorney re-appeared yesterday. I explained to him that my plate was full. It turned him on even more..that guy is too funny. He's hot, sucessful and into me. So why am I always pushing him away??? Hmmmm...