Yes, Mr. New Guy and I have this crazy relationship or I should say had this crazy relationship. It was something we both didn't know how to deal with. With all the guys I met (with the exception of a few), it was fun, it was hot, it was not emotional. Then there were the married ones---that I fell for but always knew that they were married and never leaving their wives so that put a halt to my heart getting totally carried away.
So now here comes Mr. New Guy. Separated and just getting out of his marriage. I never understood why people stayed away from newly separated people....well now I know. He needs to experience, he needs to find himself and as he put it......he never expected to find me. He is a male version of me. We laugh like no one ever laughs, we talk about things that are so offbeat and we just enjoy each other to no end.
Last week, we laid in bed for two days. Had sex eight time I think, I came a trillion times. He knows exactly where my gspot is. He knows how to suck on my pussy so my entire body tingles and arches. He does what I do with a blow job. Listen for the moans, look for the movement and then orchestrate the perfect oral sex session to make the person go wild. He knows just how to suck on my clit, and bite it gently and lick it to make my whole body chiver and orgasm. My clit is engorged to the point of explosion. He's got it down to a science. He even knows i am stubborn and could cum sooner....so he knows how to make me not be able to take it anymore and totally give in to that wave of ecstay where my pussy is dripping and pulsating.
I cum when he fucks me, I cum when he fingers me, I cum when he eats me....the man just knows how to make me cum...and when he makes love to me......our souls melt into one.
Our kisses are nothing I have experienced before. Our souls entwine. Oh, there was once I did experience it but then Mystery Man ran for the hills the next day. This was the first time I could let myself experience it. Because this man was available. the kisses are slow, they are deep, you can feel your heart and soul surrender and almost come out of your body. It is the most hottest fucking thing I have ever experienced in my life. I gotta say, if you never experienced that---you better keep looking now because no one should go through life without that intenseness.
We lit candles and drank in my tub. The music playing, holding and playing with each other....he was the first man I let in my sacred tub. I told him my dreams, I told him how many hours I cried and built myself up in that tub, I told him how that tub was my sacred place. No one ever met the tub requirement. We laid there in each others arms and kissed as he wet my hair and we watched the moon and he told me how gorgeous I was and how he never thought in his entire life he has ever felt for someone like he had felt for me. And honestly, I never did either. A mutual love. A mutual caring. I have always felt my relationships to not be balanced. that I am such a giver and they would give but not as much as I did. this time, I felt there was more balance in how we felt for each other.
So what went wrong? a singles party his friend was throwing that he was attending. the reality that when he finally gets his place in the next few months, he is going to want to fuck around. so how do you go backwards? How do you have this and say....okay, we gotta take a break so I can sow my oats and then we can pick up again where we left off. I was pushing to see other people to try and keep it light but it wasn't working. I didn't want to see other people but wasn't ready to give up Mr. Non commital weekend. Who by the way, ironically, this weekend, just never called when he was suppose to pick me up so I threw him to the curb. How funny is that?!?
So the pressure between us and the jealousy of dating others and us realizing that timing is everything and instead of us beating each other up or getting deeper and deeper.....we decided to end it. I decided to end it. I couldn't take it. So I am the girl who is dealing with his depression, with his horrific divorce, with picking up the pieces and then he moves and finds someone who gets him all spanking together? He wants his space but we admit, we don't know how to do it. He feels the same way, he can't stand thinking about me out with others but he needs to build himself up.
So now what?! We need to put it on hold and hope we find each other again. he needs to get himself together and then maybe we have a better shot of surviving. Is he right for me? In some ways yes. In other ways no. There is a dark side to him that he has to deal with. I side that is scary....a side that if you believe in demons and the sixth sense. Well its a little out there. So there is that side of me that scares me but its not like I see it. but one night as we rocked and we talked....he told me things he's never told anyone.
So we said goodby because I told him it would hurt me too much to talk to him. And i have this deep, deep emptiness that I can't explain. I have never felt sooooo much emptiness. i have had emptiness but this actually hurts. It's a pain I can't explain.....its soooooooooo intense. I admit, I have been medicating with pills to help me deal. Not smart but I can't do it without them. ironically he told me he felt the same pain and described it exactly the same.
It's his birthday.....while I know I should just let it pass...I need to say Happy Birthday. What is this intenseness? Should I have just let it go and see where it went? Did I jump the gun? He said he needs to find himself yet he was here every night. I am in pain and lost.
And today I had to laugh, because obviously I have to go on with my work. I had five appointments. Amazing how you can put on a face and the world will think that everything is 100% okay. That you can function totally fine. And then I come home and the past two days I have to confess--for the first time in my life, I didn't care if I died in my sleep.
Oh its not him. There are other things going on. When I saved the house years ago, they told me the rate would change in 2011. They didn't mention it would change every six months.....issues with my aging parents, issues with the kids, issues with my ex, losing my weekend babysitter, issues with work and then the broken heart (losing two guys in one day). Oh I am also being blackmailed with my blog. It was as if my week just fell apart. It all unraveled at once. It all spiraled and I can't stop it from spiraling. Ive come so far and I feel like I am starting over. I don't know if I have the strength.
Due to this new blackmail/stalker situation, you will find that all comments need to be approved before I allow them to go on. Sorry for the change but I had to do it for now, I promise I am not censoring, i will post them all, i just need to work this out. Most of you have been lifesavers for me throughout the years. In fact, your support has helped me build a new life, given me the strength and I cannot thank you all enough. But as in the past, there is always someone who just feels they can't let me be.
xoxo Pray for me during these tough times. I will post my letter to Mr. New Guy...
Monday, January 24, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
What Is Your Worth?
Sadly, I find myself returning to my blog only when there is inner turmoil. The New Guy and I have been going strong for two months. I found what I wanted. Someone who is falling in love with me. Except be careful for what you wish for....you see, there is always wishes that come true and you forget to ask for the entire wish. I forgot to wish that the timing would be right and we would be in the same place at the same time. He hasn't had his chance to see other people really. So I told him the door should be open.
Tonight there is a big party for singles. Over 200 people going and his friend is running it. He doesn't want me there. Why? He said because he can't bear to see me flirting with other people. Truth is...he wants to be with his friends and flirt his ass off. It's tearing me up inside. I can't believe how much it hurts. It kills me that he knows I am hurting but there is nothing for us to do. I don't want him not to go to the party. It's his party. But I can't stand the thought of him flirting with all these girls. I cannot believe the emptiness and pain I am feeling over this.
I told him I had a date tonight. I did with Mr. Porsche. Unfortunately, he's been so distant. I don't feel appreciated by him at all lately. So you forgot the holidays and I haven't seen you in two months and now you just want to meet and fuck me? You have no time for dinner even?
Mr. Non Committed Weekends turns out is seeing me on Saturday. He's been wonderful. Came over at 1AM to help me out with my heat...he's a giver. But I am not as attracted to him as I am Mr. Porsche and The New Guy.
The New Guy and I had a sexfest weekend. eight times we had phenomenal sex this weekend. I am really into him. Emotionally and physically. But I cant get past this thing tonight. What do I do? Problem is, I see this being a pretty regular thing, me thinking he's out dating--it kills me. I never felt like this before. It's tearing me up alive. I know its a double standard but I have to figure out how to deal with it. What should I do? How do I handle it? My idea is to pull back a little. Talk to him less, see him less....too much too soon. I think that is the only way we are going to be able to survive. You think? It kills to hear him say he is falling in love with me but yet he is out searching for other women.
And as for Mr. Porsche. I feel taken advantage of. His work is overwhelming, I am totally understanding but we haven't seen each other for so long and he just sandwiches me in. I do not want just a fuck today. I want to feel wanted. Dinner, time together and then a fuck. He has no time. I am actually sending him a note and cancelling on him.
So what do I want? I feel wanted by both but I want to feel special. I want to feel important in their lives. I feel my worth is more than both are showing me right now. I haven't been this down in so long. I admit it, I didn't drink but did pop a few pills to relax because I was shaking. I am going backwards not forwards. Its effecting my life, my work. I need to pull back together. I feel like the world is just spinning out of control. I need to get off for a little bit.
Tonight there is a big party for singles. Over 200 people going and his friend is running it. He doesn't want me there. Why? He said because he can't bear to see me flirting with other people. Truth is...he wants to be with his friends and flirt his ass off. It's tearing me up inside. I can't believe how much it hurts. It kills me that he knows I am hurting but there is nothing for us to do. I don't want him not to go to the party. It's his party. But I can't stand the thought of him flirting with all these girls. I cannot believe the emptiness and pain I am feeling over this.
I told him I had a date tonight. I did with Mr. Porsche. Unfortunately, he's been so distant. I don't feel appreciated by him at all lately. So you forgot the holidays and I haven't seen you in two months and now you just want to meet and fuck me? You have no time for dinner even?
Mr. Non Committed Weekends turns out is seeing me on Saturday. He's been wonderful. Came over at 1AM to help me out with my heat...he's a giver. But I am not as attracted to him as I am Mr. Porsche and The New Guy.
The New Guy and I had a sexfest weekend. eight times we had phenomenal sex this weekend. I am really into him. Emotionally and physically. But I cant get past this thing tonight. What do I do? Problem is, I see this being a pretty regular thing, me thinking he's out dating--it kills me. I never felt like this before. It's tearing me up alive. I know its a double standard but I have to figure out how to deal with it. What should I do? How do I handle it? My idea is to pull back a little. Talk to him less, see him less....too much too soon. I think that is the only way we are going to be able to survive. You think? It kills to hear him say he is falling in love with me but yet he is out searching for other women.
And as for Mr. Porsche. I feel taken advantage of. His work is overwhelming, I am totally understanding but we haven't seen each other for so long and he just sandwiches me in. I do not want just a fuck today. I want to feel wanted. Dinner, time together and then a fuck. He has no time. I am actually sending him a note and cancelling on him.
So what do I want? I feel wanted by both but I want to feel special. I want to feel important in their lives. I feel my worth is more than both are showing me right now. I haven't been this down in so long. I admit it, I didn't drink but did pop a few pills to relax because I was shaking. I am going backwards not forwards. Its effecting my life, my work. I need to pull back together. I feel like the world is just spinning out of control. I need to get off for a little bit.
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Mr. New Guy is Now Mr. No More
I fell in love I fell hard. I had a relationship that lasted 6 weeks but was filled with more hot sex and quality time than a six month relationship. And now, its over and I am crushed. I haven't felt such pain in a long time, tears out of control and today I just can't stop crying. Not all for him, I hadn't been able to cry for months. It was if I was numb even if I wanted to cry I couldn't cry. It was if there was a cork in the cry arena and then when it opened last night, I have been crying and crying and crying. It's funky. I am sitting here now and the tears just flowing out of my eyes and I can't stop.
I wish I would have blogged what happened. I truly do because it was amazing. He was a male version of me. We would giggle and laugh, we had so much in common. We liked the same things as kids, I mean crazy food combinations, we could finish each others sentences, he knew thngs that no body knew about me. We spoke and spooned after making love and spoke for hours. He told me things he had never told anyone, he even cried to me and shared the most intimate of thoughts. I honestly had never been involved, I think EVER, in a relationship with a man that was so intimate and emotional. I never let someone get so close. He was involved with my kids, my friends, my family...
I would melt into his kisses, I never felt so connected....we became one with these soft kisses that were scary. We both were falling in love, we admitted it. We spent almost every day together. I shared my desires, my wants...he shared his desires, his inner demons. What the fuck is with me finding men that have this deep dark side? Now gotta tell you, his dark side is not like anyone elses though. We are talking intense. I don't even want to get into that now because part of me was scared from it. You know I believe in angels and the devil. He leaned toward the devil and I am not saying that lightly. the inner turmoil, visions and dreams he had were insane. One day I will go into detail. It was another case of me wanting to save a soul. However, this soul needed more than me. My heart aches for him. I felt his turmoil. Anyway I do feel lighter today. That side of him was hard to understand. It's for the best, last thing I need is the devil in my life. Hahaha it sounds nuts writing it but amazing.
I think this took me for a loop because it just happened. One minute we were discussing where we were going last night and then we were over. It started over a cream cheese and jelly sandwich....lol about me not going to the gym. And then it escalated. Truth is, I freaked on him about him sitting on the dating website. Like as if I wasn't enough for him. That is always the downfall of those sites. If you go on even if you agree you are just dating, its no big deal as long as you don't get close. Another problem was that while I wanted to date other people, we both were jealous of us dating other people. I had two dates in the six weeks with other people. Mr. Non Commital Weekend and Mr. Porsche. I almost ended them both for him. I almost told Mr. Porsche I needed a break. We've been cooling it a lot. I don't know I am a wreck today.
So cheri finally found an emotional connection that was amazing. Okay, now I need to put all these guys together for my Prince Charming. I was doing so well, I need to re-build....this took a lot out of me. Do I rush on and just start dating again? do I sit back and re-group? Of course you know I jumped on and in ten minutes made two dates from guys who I had put on hold when he walked into my life. And then you know there is a little spiteful part to me. Bad quality I know. But he had taken this sexy pix of me and I am now using it as my main pix on the dating site. I know he wants to kill me. I took a pix of us and cropped him out and put it up there too. Okay, I am angry and hurt. I will take it down after he sees it.
Why can't I just find simplicity and happiness?
I wish I would have blogged what happened. I truly do because it was amazing. He was a male version of me. We would giggle and laugh, we had so much in common. We liked the same things as kids, I mean crazy food combinations, we could finish each others sentences, he knew thngs that no body knew about me. We spoke and spooned after making love and spoke for hours. He told me things he had never told anyone, he even cried to me and shared the most intimate of thoughts. I honestly had never been involved, I think EVER, in a relationship with a man that was so intimate and emotional. I never let someone get so close. He was involved with my kids, my friends, my family...
I would melt into his kisses, I never felt so connected....we became one with these soft kisses that were scary. We both were falling in love, we admitted it. We spent almost every day together. I shared my desires, my wants...he shared his desires, his inner demons. What the fuck is with me finding men that have this deep dark side? Now gotta tell you, his dark side is not like anyone elses though. We are talking intense. I don't even want to get into that now because part of me was scared from it. You know I believe in angels and the devil. He leaned toward the devil and I am not saying that lightly. the inner turmoil, visions and dreams he had were insane. One day I will go into detail. It was another case of me wanting to save a soul. However, this soul needed more than me. My heart aches for him. I felt his turmoil. Anyway I do feel lighter today. That side of him was hard to understand. It's for the best, last thing I need is the devil in my life. Hahaha it sounds nuts writing it but amazing.
I think this took me for a loop because it just happened. One minute we were discussing where we were going last night and then we were over. It started over a cream cheese and jelly sandwich....lol about me not going to the gym. And then it escalated. Truth is, I freaked on him about him sitting on the dating website. Like as if I wasn't enough for him. That is always the downfall of those sites. If you go on even if you agree you are just dating, its no big deal as long as you don't get close. Another problem was that while I wanted to date other people, we both were jealous of us dating other people. I had two dates in the six weeks with other people. Mr. Non Commital Weekend and Mr. Porsche. I almost ended them both for him. I almost told Mr. Porsche I needed a break. We've been cooling it a lot. I don't know I am a wreck today.
So cheri finally found an emotional connection that was amazing. Okay, now I need to put all these guys together for my Prince Charming. I was doing so well, I need to re-build....this took a lot out of me. Do I rush on and just start dating again? do I sit back and re-group? Of course you know I jumped on and in ten minutes made two dates from guys who I had put on hold when he walked into my life. And then you know there is a little spiteful part to me. Bad quality I know. But he had taken this sexy pix of me and I am now using it as my main pix on the dating site. I know he wants to kill me. I took a pix of us and cropped him out and put it up there too. Okay, I am angry and hurt. I will take it down after he sees it.
Why can't I just find simplicity and happiness?
Friday, December 24, 2010
No Girlfriend?!
Mr. Electrician's girlfriend was not at the funeral. Not exactly sure what that meant nor was I going to ask him. It was so sad. The pain, I hate people I love being in pain. I was so glad I went because it felt like the right thing to do. Why there was no girlfriend, I do not know. However, he's the type of person that would forgive his girlfriend if she couldn't make it. We've spoken everyday, I am trying to console him. He told me so much about his father's life. He was such an interesting man. Is he the one for me?! I don't think so actually. But what I am finding is qualities in men that I know I have to have...so I guess that is good. He is very close. Very close.
So if I only could just take a little of this, little of that and join them all together. I would have the perfect match for me.
So if I only could just take a little of this, little of that and join them all together. I would have the perfect match for me.
Mr New Guy
well I have been seeing Mr. New Guy for three weeks now. It's been going very well until he got sick this weekend. We actually were seeing each other almost every day. It's ironic how both Mr. Porsche and Mr. Non Weekend Committal felt his presence. I am still trying to figure out if it was something I did or didn't do or if they could feel a personality shift but they both felt it. Each of them tracking me down a lot more this past week. Each of them asking me where I have been--they never notice.
Mr Non committal actually tried to track me down last friday night. I was with Mr New Guy. The sex with Mr. New Guy is amazing! I think I might have found a sexual connection again. I am not sure but we will see. He can suck on my tits and almost make me orgasm. he sucks on my clit and my whole body shivers. It is very, very hot!
I am liking him.
Mr Non committal actually tried to track me down last friday night. I was with Mr New Guy. The sex with Mr. New Guy is amazing! I think I might have found a sexual connection again. I am not sure but we will see. He can suck on my tits and almost make me orgasm. he sucks on my clit and my whole body shivers. It is very, very hot!
I am liking him.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Seeing someone you love hurt
Sometimes life weaves itself so many unusual ways. Mr. Electrician has a heart of gold. We're great friends but he has found the girl of his dreams--of course my luck after 12 years of looking. As you know, he mentally excites me and I would rather have him as a friend even if I can't have him as a lover.
Ironically, the world is so small. A loved one of his was being treated by someone I know very well. I made a call to them to make sure they were giving his family member VIP treatment according to Mr. Electrician, it was only for a few days since it was minor testing. When I called, I found out, it wasn't minor testing...it was really serious. Sadly, I broke the news to him but his happy spirit--he couldn't thank me enough. My news allowed him to have the time to say good by to his loved one. Sadly, his loved one passed away. I've been talking to him as support throughout the week. When his call came today, I knew it was over. So hard to say you are sorry.
The funeral is tomorrow. I want to take him in my arms and hold him tight and kiss him so because he is just such a wonderful caring person. I love him dearly. But reality is, that is not my role. His girlfriend will be there and it will break my heart. But I have to be there for him tomorrow--he was my lover, he is my friend and its not jealousy but envy that she has such a wonderful man. I am so glad he is in my life-because he brings me so much happiness. It's going to hurt tomorrow seeing him hurting so. I hope the tears don't overwhelm me. God Bless Him and his family...
Ironically, the world is so small. A loved one of his was being treated by someone I know very well. I made a call to them to make sure they were giving his family member VIP treatment according to Mr. Electrician, it was only for a few days since it was minor testing. When I called, I found out, it wasn't minor testing...it was really serious. Sadly, I broke the news to him but his happy spirit--he couldn't thank me enough. My news allowed him to have the time to say good by to his loved one. Sadly, his loved one passed away. I've been talking to him as support throughout the week. When his call came today, I knew it was over. So hard to say you are sorry.
The funeral is tomorrow. I want to take him in my arms and hold him tight and kiss him so because he is just such a wonderful caring person. I love him dearly. But reality is, that is not my role. His girlfriend will be there and it will break my heart. But I have to be there for him tomorrow--he was my lover, he is my friend and its not jealousy but envy that she has such a wonderful man. I am so glad he is in my life-because he brings me so much happiness. It's going to hurt tomorrow seeing him hurting so. I hope the tears don't overwhelm me. God Bless Him and his family...
Monday, December 20, 2010
OMG....what a screwed up weekend!
Have you ever heard me say that I am sorry I got divorced? Well I certainly am not and will never say it. Actually my ex and I had the biggest war that we've ever had. The truth is, I am a sweetheart but when I have reached my limits--you better run!
The bastard lied about the mileage expiring to the lawyer and he had tons of mileage in our account and hotel points. He took his GF out of the country. Didn't bother to tell me, used my points to buy her ticket and is still behind in his child support. So let me get this straight.....you stole the points, gave it to your GF and you went on vacation owing me three months of child support and $20,000 in additional expenses. Hmmm...and you think I am not going to bug out on you? I have been working my butt off to support these kids and you get a vacation on me?!?!
I couldn't figure out a way to get him back. He told me it was too fucking bad that I should deal with it. Oh did I tell you he sold something worth $20,000, promised my kid money and now decided he wasn't going to give it to him?
Well I had enough. Get yourself a boyfriend, he screamed at me. We all know how I internally giggled at that one. He was trying to make me feel bad because the loser thinks he's a big shot with a girlfriend. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
Well to me those are fighting words. there is nothing I can do? For a minute he was right. I can take him to court that is it. or is it? I emerged into my magic tub for four hours with a bottle of wine!! He basically said I will move and I should ship one kid down to visit and keep the rest. Mother Fucker---you are going down!! Don't hurt my kids. We always knew he was a piece of shit but now he has reached levels beyond shit! I admit it. I felt helpless. Little I could do...or was there. Hmmmm...all gloves off now. I sent a note to the GF....hope you enjoyed your vacation that my children paid for with the child support money.....and the points...btw, you will be called into court...I will be by this week to pick up our souvenirs. Truth is, she is going through a vicious divorce and her ex had no idea that he watched the kids while she claimed to be away on business. Another vicious email from my ex. Hmmmm.....I think I need a new friend on facebook.....her ex husband to be.
A little low for me but there was no other way to go with this one. My ex is the only man who doesn't want his children. So I went after the GF. fighting through the night, calling each other names...the morning was wild!
The GF bugged. She wrote me a vicious note and I wrote back a note telling her that her name was on the papers being submitted to the courts. She was freaking. My ex folded. yes, I won. He is purchasing me a trip on the rest of the miles and he came over with half the back money. Ironically, the GF and I calmed down and we had a decent email exchange. I told her I just wanted him to pay his support and to find a GF that cared for my children. she agreed with me, having kids herself. I befriended her ex and we decided to be on friendly terms. No she's not going to be my BFF....but peace is good.
I am shaking though. My kid is crushed. My ex is garbage. the other two don't understand....sadly he will always be a dead beat dad. But I knew that. He had the nerve to come into my house today and go into my refrigerator.....war broke out. My final words to him as he was leaving and saying--I don't care if I see the kids, its their loss.....screaming at the top of my lungs--- You Will Rot In Hell! It's your Loss, they are great kids!
And I look back and I am so glad I divorced him. Yes, I work like crazy. Yes, my life is a rollercoaster BUT I need to get the poison out of my life and he is poison. i think a part of me always felt bad for him being such a loser. Now that he doesn't even care about the kids, my pity is gone. I told him I will make his life so miserable and I plan on doing it. I know negativity is bad but he is mentally warped. I won this round but sadly, there are so many more rounds to come. How can a man not want his children? How can a man walk away from two amazing kids that are angels and sweet and only want to be loved? I know vengeance is bad but this man is not a man, he's pathetic. Rage, anger...I hate this feeling. I have never hated someone as much in my life.
I am heading to bed...with my body shaking. He's threatening to quit his job too so he doesn't have to pay me money. I think I may have to begin a collection for the Cheri Bailout Fund! Sweet dreams!!
The bastard lied about the mileage expiring to the lawyer and he had tons of mileage in our account and hotel points. He took his GF out of the country. Didn't bother to tell me, used my points to buy her ticket and is still behind in his child support. So let me get this straight.....you stole the points, gave it to your GF and you went on vacation owing me three months of child support and $20,000 in additional expenses. Hmmm...and you think I am not going to bug out on you? I have been working my butt off to support these kids and you get a vacation on me?!?!
I couldn't figure out a way to get him back. He told me it was too fucking bad that I should deal with it. Oh did I tell you he sold something worth $20,000, promised my kid money and now decided he wasn't going to give it to him?
Well I had enough. Get yourself a boyfriend, he screamed at me. We all know how I internally giggled at that one. He was trying to make me feel bad because the loser thinks he's a big shot with a girlfriend. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO!
Well to me those are fighting words. there is nothing I can do? For a minute he was right. I can take him to court that is it. or is it? I emerged into my magic tub for four hours with a bottle of wine!! He basically said I will move and I should ship one kid down to visit and keep the rest. Mother Fucker---you are going down!! Don't hurt my kids. We always knew he was a piece of shit but now he has reached levels beyond shit! I admit it. I felt helpless. Little I could do...or was there. Hmmmm...all gloves off now. I sent a note to the GF....hope you enjoyed your vacation that my children paid for with the child support money.....and the points...btw, you will be called into court...I will be by this week to pick up our souvenirs. Truth is, she is going through a vicious divorce and her ex had no idea that he watched the kids while she claimed to be away on business. Another vicious email from my ex. Hmmmm.....I think I need a new friend on facebook.....her ex husband to be.
A little low for me but there was no other way to go with this one. My ex is the only man who doesn't want his children. So I went after the GF. fighting through the night, calling each other names...the morning was wild!
The GF bugged. She wrote me a vicious note and I wrote back a note telling her that her name was on the papers being submitted to the courts. She was freaking. My ex folded. yes, I won. He is purchasing me a trip on the rest of the miles and he came over with half the back money. Ironically, the GF and I calmed down and we had a decent email exchange. I told her I just wanted him to pay his support and to find a GF that cared for my children. she agreed with me, having kids herself. I befriended her ex and we decided to be on friendly terms. No she's not going to be my BFF....but peace is good.
I am shaking though. My kid is crushed. My ex is garbage. the other two don't understand....sadly he will always be a dead beat dad. But I knew that. He had the nerve to come into my house today and go into my refrigerator.....war broke out. My final words to him as he was leaving and saying--I don't care if I see the kids, its their loss.....screaming at the top of my lungs--- You Will Rot In Hell! It's your Loss, they are great kids!
And I look back and I am so glad I divorced him. Yes, I work like crazy. Yes, my life is a rollercoaster BUT I need to get the poison out of my life and he is poison. i think a part of me always felt bad for him being such a loser. Now that he doesn't even care about the kids, my pity is gone. I told him I will make his life so miserable and I plan on doing it. I know negativity is bad but he is mentally warped. I won this round but sadly, there are so many more rounds to come. How can a man not want his children? How can a man walk away from two amazing kids that are angels and sweet and only want to be loved? I know vengeance is bad but this man is not a man, he's pathetic. Rage, anger...I hate this feeling. I have never hated someone as much in my life.
I am heading to bed...with my body shaking. He's threatening to quit his job too so he doesn't have to pay me money. I think I may have to begin a collection for the Cheri Bailout Fund! Sweet dreams!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monday, December 06, 2010
Flirting with the Garbage Men
Okay, I admit it. I am a total flirt sometimes and I do use it to my advantage. There are strict rules here with garbage. You must break up boxes and put strings around them for them to take them. Garbage cans have to be a certain size etc. etc. And if you don't do it, they leave you a nasty note and do not take them. For awhile after my ex left, I was having some garbage issues. Not because he was so Joe Perfect with the Garbage but because we got a new garbage supervisor on the route. The whole area was having problems. Yes, our garbage became the discussion of the whole neighborhood.
Well, you have to know that I needed to do something to change that. I had to get around the garbage situation because it was becoming an issue. One morning, I happened to be outside when the garbage supervisor came. I smiled and went over and said hello to all my garbage men, I explained how I was newly divorced and please be patient with me. Yes, I admit it, I flirted with the garbage man giving him a very sweet smile and sexy look with my eyes. Telling him I would try my best and please to be patient. Since that day, he waves to be and says hi and well the garbage has been a lot easier.
Today, my garbage was out of control. Yes, boxes tons of boxes...I was too tired last night to break up my boxes. I was pushing it today...how far would my past smile get me? The garbage men were running late today so when they just pulled up, I went outside....hair in a pony with a big smile and a tight shirt. Hi! I am sorry, my garbage is a disaster today..... He looked at me and said good morning..don't worry, it's fine. and he gave me a big smile. Hmmmm...the guy is handsome. I am not a morning person so I never noticed. Thank you sooooo much and I gave him the biggest, flirty smile. Oh man, I knew this guy got a little woody from the smile and wink he gave me!
Aaaaahh! Such innocent little fun! And well I have to tell you another thing. This time of year UPS hires a whole bunch of new men. Each year, they are all hotties. Damn, I look forward to my packages arriving. The last three men were smoking. I am convinced that you UPS has a new policy around the holidays. Hire young, tight, build hotties! What a phenomenal marketing approach. It's not by accident...yes, I almost want to send myself a package once my regular holiday packages are done. Okay, I am definitely being a pathetic hard up surburban divorcee. And you would think I haven't gotten laid in forever.....I am writing about my newest right now, New Guy. Enjoy your Monday!! I am!! Yummmmmm!!
Well, you have to know that I needed to do something to change that. I had to get around the garbage situation because it was becoming an issue. One morning, I happened to be outside when the garbage supervisor came. I smiled and went over and said hello to all my garbage men, I explained how I was newly divorced and please be patient with me. Yes, I admit it, I flirted with the garbage man giving him a very sweet smile and sexy look with my eyes. Telling him I would try my best and please to be patient. Since that day, he waves to be and says hi and well the garbage has been a lot easier.
Today, my garbage was out of control. Yes, boxes tons of boxes...I was too tired last night to break up my boxes. I was pushing it today...how far would my past smile get me? The garbage men were running late today so when they just pulled up, I went outside....hair in a pony with a big smile and a tight shirt. Hi! I am sorry, my garbage is a disaster today..... He looked at me and said good morning..don't worry, it's fine. and he gave me a big smile. Hmmmm...the guy is handsome. I am not a morning person so I never noticed. Thank you sooooo much and I gave him the biggest, flirty smile. Oh man, I knew this guy got a little woody from the smile and wink he gave me!
Aaaaahh! Such innocent little fun! And well I have to tell you another thing. This time of year UPS hires a whole bunch of new men. Each year, they are all hotties. Damn, I look forward to my packages arriving. The last three men were smoking. I am convinced that you UPS has a new policy around the holidays. Hire young, tight, build hotties! What a phenomenal marketing approach. It's not by accident...yes, I almost want to send myself a package once my regular holiday packages are done. Okay, I am definitely being a pathetic hard up surburban divorcee. And you would think I haven't gotten laid in forever.....I am writing about my newest right now, New Guy. Enjoy your Monday!! I am!! Yummmmmm!!
Pre-Sexual Flashback Torture
The last week has been like a whirlwind. I met New Guy. It's funny because he called me to his friends New Girl and I called him to mine, New Guy. We started talking on Monday last week and well he sucked me in. Constant calls, sexual talk, talking about our lives, our dreams, our desires and we were up till 4AM every night. He's dangerous. The worse type of guy is one that comes in like a whirlwind where you feel you are so caught up in it and that its been going on forever. Your soul feels good, your head feels good and you feel so fulfilled. Honestly, it felt more like an affair meeting from Ashley Madison than a date!
So, we met on Thursday for coffee. I wanted to meet him to see if there was any potential. No need to get all worked up and then be let down that there was nothing there. He says he is so taken by me. My looks, my brains, my smile, my flirty way and the fact that I am not a pushover. I tell him like it is. You are different, you aren't like the other girls (geez, as I type that I realize how I was so suckered in).
He's brilliant but he has that darkness about him. I find brilliant men sometimes have this really dark tortured side. As if they are too smart for this world. Amazing how such brains can torture a man. I think its on the lines of Einstein and Picasso. There is a fight within themselves. I am attracted and drawn to men like that. Actually the Mafia guy from two weeks ago was like that too and I also think thats where Mystery Man's darkness came from too. Oh there were others but a lot of them were smart taught. These men are acceptions, their knowledge, their brains are above the norm.
He wanted me to see him on Friday night. I had a date but I ended up cancelling it. I needed to see if I was into this guy or not. He admits to being a flirt and a little bit of a player. Making me feel like I am different, I am the first girl he really liked (oh my, how suckered...lol). He actually did tell his friends about me because one of them text and said so is it as good as you thought with the new girl? That made me feel good.
There is a part of the area that he loves. This area along the water that it seems when people move there, they never want to leave. This is where he wants to get an apartment, right now he is in the basement of his house until he can legally leave. He took me out to this amazing restaurant and we kissed and held hands. We talked, we laughed and we had a great time. It was cold out but I said--well you took me here, lets go to the water. Freezing cold, we were both shivering and we kissed by the water under the stars. A block away, his friend had a million dollar home that has a separate little cabana that he had the key (how convenient). We went there to hang out. I looked at him and said...leave the condoms in the car. Oh he's one of those that doesn't like condoms but with me--no condoms no sex. And honestly, if the condoms were in the car, I knew we were not going to have sex. He laughed, hoping to sway me but I was like---empty your pockets dude...put the condoms in the car.
We went into the apartment and I so didn't want oral sex either. I made it clear to him but I ended up sucking his cock. I know, I just couldn't resist. It was very tempting and I was hot and horny. We were totally naked and he was devouring my nipples. OMG, you have the most amazing nipples. I guess they are pretty hot looking. He's not the first to tell me that. Size D tits with nipples that get all pointy...real pointy...an inch or more...he was dying and you know how there is a direct link to my pussy. I was drenched. When he went to put his fingers inside of he was like, wow! you are so wet, that is so hot! As he was fingering me, I needed to cum, I needed to go over the edge. I had to get there so I started to play with my clit. You are so fucking hot he said. It is such a turn on to watch you masturbate and see how your face is at such peace.
I came so hard..the wave overcame me. My entire body pulsated and I could feel that euphoria I love so much. A wave of heaven and then I sucked on him for just a few minutes and he came all over me. He asked, can I cum on you and I said where ever you want baby. He moaned and he came all over my tits.
We cleaned up and laid there for a few minutes and then we got dressed. He drove me home and we talked and laughed the whole way. I was calling him on things. He's used to girls falling in love with him right away. Are you in love with me yet? I said OMG, yes, let's run off to Vegas and get married tonight! and we both laughed. Wise ass, he said. Yeah, that's me baby. Don't hold your breath, I ain't fallen like the other chickies!
He walked me to the door and came in for a minute and then he left. When he got home, he called me and we spoke till 5AM. It was crazy, I am into this guy. the last two hours we talked about work. He was cracking up, he said, OMG, you are so damm smart and I am getting a woody from it. Now that is sick. I am so turned on by your brain that I am hard as a rock. We both laughed. Most people do phone sex, we did work sex.
Go out with me tonight, he said. Oh man, I had a tentative date with non-committal weekend. I will have to let you know in a bit. I called Mr non committal weekend and it still was non committed for the night because he had to work late so I told him lets make it another night. I don't want to get mad. He said, go ahead, call the next guy. I laughed but it wasn't that far from the truth. He's not stupid, I know he feels I am dating other people. Pulling away just a little.
I called back New Guy...Okay lets go out. I want to take you to a motel. I want to be alone with you and hold you. He's a major cuddler. I want to eat your pussy. He loves pussy. Geez, I am not sure I am ready for this. We will see I said. Lets start with dinner. I heard there is a great motel that is clean and he names it. My coffee went flying out of my mouth. It was the motel that was mine and Mystery Mans. Now I am sure Mystery Man is there every week with a new chickie but I have only been there once with Mr. Porsche. It was a little weird but I know him so well so it wasn't so awkward. This was different, this was a new guy. A new guy having my first encounter. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It's just a damn place, I told myself. You were there once before, you will be fine. Mystery Man long forgot about you and has probably made that his own place with someone new. You're over it. Deal with it.
And so the evening began. He picked me up, he kissed me so sweetly, he opened the doors and closed them for me...he's a gentleman. And he sweeped me off to a restaurant with a fireplace. Actually I had been there with Mr. Security before and another date but that didn't matter. I love this place in the winter, sitting right by the fireplace...let the fun begin!
So, we met on Thursday for coffee. I wanted to meet him to see if there was any potential. No need to get all worked up and then be let down that there was nothing there. He says he is so taken by me. My looks, my brains, my smile, my flirty way and the fact that I am not a pushover. I tell him like it is. You are different, you aren't like the other girls (geez, as I type that I realize how I was so suckered in).
He's brilliant but he has that darkness about him. I find brilliant men sometimes have this really dark tortured side. As if they are too smart for this world. Amazing how such brains can torture a man. I think its on the lines of Einstein and Picasso. There is a fight within themselves. I am attracted and drawn to men like that. Actually the Mafia guy from two weeks ago was like that too and I also think thats where Mystery Man's darkness came from too. Oh there were others but a lot of them were smart taught. These men are acceptions, their knowledge, their brains are above the norm.
He wanted me to see him on Friday night. I had a date but I ended up cancelling it. I needed to see if I was into this guy or not. He admits to being a flirt and a little bit of a player. Making me feel like I am different, I am the first girl he really liked (oh my, how suckered...lol). He actually did tell his friends about me because one of them text and said so is it as good as you thought with the new girl? That made me feel good.
There is a part of the area that he loves. This area along the water that it seems when people move there, they never want to leave. This is where he wants to get an apartment, right now he is in the basement of his house until he can legally leave. He took me out to this amazing restaurant and we kissed and held hands. We talked, we laughed and we had a great time. It was cold out but I said--well you took me here, lets go to the water. Freezing cold, we were both shivering and we kissed by the water under the stars. A block away, his friend had a million dollar home that has a separate little cabana that he had the key (how convenient). We went there to hang out. I looked at him and said...leave the condoms in the car. Oh he's one of those that doesn't like condoms but with me--no condoms no sex. And honestly, if the condoms were in the car, I knew we were not going to have sex. He laughed, hoping to sway me but I was like---empty your pockets dude...put the condoms in the car.
We went into the apartment and I so didn't want oral sex either. I made it clear to him but I ended up sucking his cock. I know, I just couldn't resist. It was very tempting and I was hot and horny. We were totally naked and he was devouring my nipples. OMG, you have the most amazing nipples. I guess they are pretty hot looking. He's not the first to tell me that. Size D tits with nipples that get all pointy...real pointy...an inch or more...he was dying and you know how there is a direct link to my pussy. I was drenched. When he went to put his fingers inside of he was like, wow! you are so wet, that is so hot! As he was fingering me, I needed to cum, I needed to go over the edge. I had to get there so I started to play with my clit. You are so fucking hot he said. It is such a turn on to watch you masturbate and see how your face is at such peace.
I came so hard..the wave overcame me. My entire body pulsated and I could feel that euphoria I love so much. A wave of heaven and then I sucked on him for just a few minutes and he came all over me. He asked, can I cum on you and I said where ever you want baby. He moaned and he came all over my tits.
We cleaned up and laid there for a few minutes and then we got dressed. He drove me home and we talked and laughed the whole way. I was calling him on things. He's used to girls falling in love with him right away. Are you in love with me yet? I said OMG, yes, let's run off to Vegas and get married tonight! and we both laughed. Wise ass, he said. Yeah, that's me baby. Don't hold your breath, I ain't fallen like the other chickies!
He walked me to the door and came in for a minute and then he left. When he got home, he called me and we spoke till 5AM. It was crazy, I am into this guy. the last two hours we talked about work. He was cracking up, he said, OMG, you are so damm smart and I am getting a woody from it. Now that is sick. I am so turned on by your brain that I am hard as a rock. We both laughed. Most people do phone sex, we did work sex.
Go out with me tonight, he said. Oh man, I had a tentative date with non-committal weekend. I will have to let you know in a bit. I called Mr non committal weekend and it still was non committed for the night because he had to work late so I told him lets make it another night. I don't want to get mad. He said, go ahead, call the next guy. I laughed but it wasn't that far from the truth. He's not stupid, I know he feels I am dating other people. Pulling away just a little.
I called back New Guy...Okay lets go out. I want to take you to a motel. I want to be alone with you and hold you. He's a major cuddler. I want to eat your pussy. He loves pussy. Geez, I am not sure I am ready for this. We will see I said. Lets start with dinner. I heard there is a great motel that is clean and he names it. My coffee went flying out of my mouth. It was the motel that was mine and Mystery Mans. Now I am sure Mystery Man is there every week with a new chickie but I have only been there once with Mr. Porsche. It was a little weird but I know him so well so it wasn't so awkward. This was different, this was a new guy. A new guy having my first encounter. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It's just a damn place, I told myself. You were there once before, you will be fine. Mystery Man long forgot about you and has probably made that his own place with someone new. You're over it. Deal with it.
And so the evening began. He picked me up, he kissed me so sweetly, he opened the doors and closed them for me...he's a gentleman. And he sweeped me off to a restaurant with a fireplace. Actually I had been there with Mr. Security before and another date but that didn't matter. I love this place in the winter, sitting right by the fireplace...let the fun begin!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Mr, Non Weekend Commital....what the hell?!
I wish I understood men. I don't. There have been hundreds I have spoken to and probably a hundred I have gone on dates and I still have no idea what makes them tick. Getting a man has been easy for me. I have a nice smile, flirty and I give great email (lol). First and second dates go well...I am thinking my girlfriend is sadly right....you gotta keep them guessing, you gotta keep them at a distance, you gotta play games. How ironic they don't want to play games but I am thinking if they don't have the grand hunt....they lose interest...move to conquer the next. I am too nice. That's the bottomline. I give my friendship to these men, I make them feel special and they become dicks. I am attentive too. That's my personality. Don't you want to treat someone like you want to be treated? I don't think men want to be treated like that. The funniest part of all--they think they are the only one...hahaha. Oh this girl is so into me! Well baby doll, I am treating three guys just as nice, you are not exclusive.
Explain this one. Non Commital came over on Tuesday after his no show on Monday. He called, I said don't come over and he said well I am on my way. Crap. I was cold at first but he walked in with this huge chocolate and cookie arrangement for my family for the holidays, he bought my kid this hat he wanted and he bought my daughter this adorable turkey. Grrrrr....I can't resist a man that is a giver. He even made my stuffing for me and brought it over on Thanksgiving for me.
Tuesday night, we lied in my bed and cuddled and watched tv. It was so nice. He fingered me until I came and I blew him and swallowed. I have to say, that thing he does with his fingers, he's a pro. Somehow he manages to get my clit, my pussy and one finger in my ass....it drives me wild. My body cums so quick. and then he has a flipping technique on my nipples....holy crap, they respond immediately and I get so wet. Did I tell you that he was a stripper years ago? Oh, this is one bad boy who has been around.
Thursday when he came over to drop off the stuffing---holy shit....he looked smokin. The best I have ever seen him. I couldn't keep my hands off of him and in his cool way I can tell he loved it. I also noticed he was wearing the bracelet I bought him for his birthday. So you would think we were in good standings?!
Friday....the dreaded weekend comes....he doesn't ask me out. Finally he asked me what I was doing..I told him going for a drinnk with a friend. He was like oh really? A friend. I said yup and changed the subject. I was going with a friend. It was a first date. I didn't tell him it was a guy but he knew. I said, maybe we can meet after for a drink. I called..he didn't answer that night.
Saturday comes--I call non chalantly to say hi, see how his day was going. Really upbeat and it is Monday, I still haven't heard from me. So, Saturday night, I decided to pass his house at 9pm. Let's see if he still was working. yes, you know me with my famous stalkings. Its observations I guess. To my surprise, his road is narrower than my driveway....crap, I could so have gotten busted. well his cars and work truck were there. AND, there was another car parked by his house. Who knows, maybe he has a girlfriend. that would make sense don't ya think? I mean for two months I havent seen him on a weekend really (maybe once). Something isn't right.
And the hot guy I had a date with two weeks ago. He was sick. So now what?! He lives on the dating site! I am not calling, or texting or anything. Why would he email me from Aruba to say hi and tell me he had a great time....what the fuck?!?!!
The Astronaut has surgery on his knee....three weeks on the couch. He is in a real cranky mood. One word answers on BBMs. I am giving up there too.
So here I sit...sad. I think this holiday season is worst than last year. I am so depressed. I was hoping to have a few guys I cared about or one that I was dating a little regularly. I got volumes but not one that I feel is a real hangout guy. I don't want twelve men to occupy my time and go out with. I want two....
Mr., Security has been back on the scene. Hmmmmm...to my surprise, I don't want him anymore. He's my friend now.
So sex?! Hmmm...Non commital and Mr. porsche are the only ones right now. Mr. Porsche is really it. We had our three year anniversary....wow, three years...that's insane. Gotta tell ya about our last rendezvous..our sex is so bizarre...lol
Explain this one. Non Commital came over on Tuesday after his no show on Monday. He called, I said don't come over and he said well I am on my way. Crap. I was cold at first but he walked in with this huge chocolate and cookie arrangement for my family for the holidays, he bought my kid this hat he wanted and he bought my daughter this adorable turkey. Grrrrr....I can't resist a man that is a giver. He even made my stuffing for me and brought it over on Thanksgiving for me.
Tuesday night, we lied in my bed and cuddled and watched tv. It was so nice. He fingered me until I came and I blew him and swallowed. I have to say, that thing he does with his fingers, he's a pro. Somehow he manages to get my clit, my pussy and one finger in my ass....it drives me wild. My body cums so quick. and then he has a flipping technique on my nipples....holy crap, they respond immediately and I get so wet. Did I tell you that he was a stripper years ago? Oh, this is one bad boy who has been around.
Thursday when he came over to drop off the stuffing---holy shit....he looked smokin. The best I have ever seen him. I couldn't keep my hands off of him and in his cool way I can tell he loved it. I also noticed he was wearing the bracelet I bought him for his birthday. So you would think we were in good standings?!
Friday....the dreaded weekend comes....he doesn't ask me out. Finally he asked me what I was doing..I told him going for a drinnk with a friend. He was like oh really? A friend. I said yup and changed the subject. I was going with a friend. It was a first date. I didn't tell him it was a guy but he knew. I said, maybe we can meet after for a drink. I called..he didn't answer that night.
Saturday comes--I call non chalantly to say hi, see how his day was going. Really upbeat and it is Monday, I still haven't heard from me. So, Saturday night, I decided to pass his house at 9pm. Let's see if he still was working. yes, you know me with my famous stalkings. Its observations I guess. To my surprise, his road is narrower than my driveway....crap, I could so have gotten busted. well his cars and work truck were there. AND, there was another car parked by his house. Who knows, maybe he has a girlfriend. that would make sense don't ya think? I mean for two months I havent seen him on a weekend really (maybe once). Something isn't right.
And the hot guy I had a date with two weeks ago. He was sick. So now what?! He lives on the dating site! I am not calling, or texting or anything. Why would he email me from Aruba to say hi and tell me he had a great time....what the fuck?!?!!
The Astronaut has surgery on his knee....three weeks on the couch. He is in a real cranky mood. One word answers on BBMs. I am giving up there too.
So here I sit...sad. I think this holiday season is worst than last year. I am so depressed. I was hoping to have a few guys I cared about or one that I was dating a little regularly. I got volumes but not one that I feel is a real hangout guy. I don't want twelve men to occupy my time and go out with. I want two....
Mr., Security has been back on the scene. Hmmmmm...to my surprise, I don't want him anymore. He's my friend now.
So sex?! Hmmm...Non commital and Mr. porsche are the only ones right now. Mr. Porsche is really it. We had our three year anniversary....wow, three years...that's insane. Gotta tell ya about our last rendezvous..our sex is so bizarre...lol
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sir Prince Charming?
Well I told you last weekend about that guy I liked. We went dancing last Friday night. He went away for a week to the Islands but how cute, he sent me a note while he was away. Sadly now he is sick......pout. But there is potential there. He has a really great heart, funny...I like him. but hangs out on that dating site, bugs the shit out of me.
truth is, those sites are so made up for that. How many times did I want to kill Mystery Man for being on the site? How many other men did I dump because its like I am not good enough for them if they are still on there. A vicious cycle.
So I am hoping something works with this guy. You know I had two dates this week and I don't know what happened to either one....lol weirdly I don't care.
One guy I have a feeling. we grew up in the same neighborhood. His little sister was in my classes and I realized who she was. you know that girl that everyone tortures growing up? Yup! that was her. she was teased relentlessly. the boys did horrible things to her and the girls were not nice either. I was not one of the people but they were my friends. There wre times that I stopped them and i was nice to her but I wonder if I was guilty based upon association. I guess we will see...
Thanksgiving is here. wow, so fast. gotta get the house in order and make my menu. Yes, its by me again. In between my work. Gotta say, I am sad. holidays without a boyfriend. I was hoping I would have someone here to be with me and share the holidays. being lonely this time of year.....sucks!
truth is, those sites are so made up for that. How many times did I want to kill Mystery Man for being on the site? How many other men did I dump because its like I am not good enough for them if they are still on there. A vicious cycle.
So I am hoping something works with this guy. You know I had two dates this week and I don't know what happened to either one....lol weirdly I don't care.
One guy I have a feeling. we grew up in the same neighborhood. His little sister was in my classes and I realized who she was. you know that girl that everyone tortures growing up? Yup! that was her. she was teased relentlessly. the boys did horrible things to her and the girls were not nice either. I was not one of the people but they were my friends. There wre times that I stopped them and i was nice to her but I wonder if I was guilty based upon association. I guess we will see...
Thanksgiving is here. wow, so fast. gotta get the house in order and make my menu. Yes, its by me again. In between my work. Gotta say, I am sad. holidays without a boyfriend. I was hoping I would have someone here to be with me and share the holidays. being lonely this time of year.....sucks!
Mr. Non Weekend Commital
So I need your opinion on this one. Been dating this guy for three months. He's the one that doesnt commit to weekends. He's not married but something is up. He knows it bothers me if we make tentative plans...like ok, when you are done with your dinner with your parents and I am dome with my dinner with my friends...let's meet up for a drink. He never called. I called and he said he went to sleep already. Hmmmm...interesting...why didn't he call when he was done? Another weekend non commital AND he didn't even call saturday and supposedly he was home. I was out with Mr. Mafia so it didn't matter but what is up with that.
Last night, he said he was going to come by again. Go to the gym and then come to my house around 8:30-9 I said call me. By 8:50, I had had it. It takes 20 minutes to get here and if he hadn't called, he wasn't coming. Well I was pissed. Enough already. Granted, last week he cooked me this great dinner and he's great in bed. Body to die for and he's an ex stripper so he knows all the moves. Great at eating me out....makes me cum immediately and he does this technique to my nipples that drive them wild. Ooops, I got side tracked. Anyway, I sent him a note...I don't know why you are getting off with this game you are playing but I am not at all amused. Don't understand if you know it bothers me why you do it. Not into games, I am a straight shooter. Night!
Am i wrong? Why should I sit around waiting for this guy. His personality, I am not going to hear from him. Oh well, it is what it is. I am not chasing him.
Last night, he said he was going to come by again. Go to the gym and then come to my house around 8:30-9 I said call me. By 8:50, I had had it. It takes 20 minutes to get here and if he hadn't called, he wasn't coming. Well I was pissed. Enough already. Granted, last week he cooked me this great dinner and he's great in bed. Body to die for and he's an ex stripper so he knows all the moves. Great at eating me out....makes me cum immediately and he does this technique to my nipples that drive them wild. Ooops, I got side tracked. Anyway, I sent him a note...I don't know why you are getting off with this game you are playing but I am not at all amused. Don't understand if you know it bothers me why you do it. Not into games, I am a straight shooter. Night!
Am i wrong? Why should I sit around waiting for this guy. His personality, I am not going to hear from him. Oh well, it is what it is. I am not chasing him.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
The Extreme Date
Be careful what you wish for in life. I am always saying how I want a witty, intelligent bad boy. Well tonight I had a date with a guy who was all of that AND gorgeous. Sounds great right? It was a crazy date. He was extreme. We are talking unbelievably smart. He had a photogenic memory, has a patent for this product that is going to be huge, knows so much about everything. Mentally I was in overstimulation. Looks....Italian all the way. We are talking a body..he was a gymnast, a wrestler, bouncer...I think you get the picture. Witty...but lacking in sophistication and people skills although I was really attracted to him, I was turned off as well. so analytical, so scientific....stubborn and knows it all.
Downfall, we disagree on two very heated topics. God and politics. So extreme are his beliefs that I almost walked out in frustration. We were at this great restaurant with great food, great drinks, great music....just when I almost had enough he leaned over and said...damn you are hot! What spunk, how amazingly refreshing it is to be mentally stimulated by a woman! wow, you are such a turn on and he kissed my neck...
It was too early for the night to be over and he was suppose to bring me some samples of his product and he only lived a few miles away, so i drove back to house. We spent the next two hours, drinking and talking and it was nice. He didn't make a move at first.
And bad boy, well he started to tell me about his life. He does high end contracting work. I could see a scar on his arm. He had been stabbed. OH more than once. He has been shot at, his friends are in the mafia and he had a weapon in every room of his home. Knives, swords, guns...5 guns to be exact. And then there is a side of him that he was featured in a magazine as one of the most eligible men on the internet. A man of extremes! I couldn't figure out if I was nervous or if I felt safe. Tough yet so gentle.
So I sat on his couch and we talked. Then he leaned over to me and kissed me. The kiss was sizzling and sensual and it went on for a long time. I was lying in his arms,we were cuddled on the couch. It felt so nice and he was an amazing kisser. I could feel his hard cock leaning against me but I wasn't ready to fuck or suck him. Until I know if this guy is something I want, I am not screwing with him. In a heated kiss, he took my hand so I could feel the bulge on his pants...mmmmmm....so inviting. We kissed some more and then he brought my hand back and his cock was out. I went to move it but his moan was so inviting and he had a long, hard cock...
Whispering in my ear, you are turning me on so much. The fact that you've opened my mind a little tonight, was such a turn on. And feeling his cock, with a few quick rubs and strokes...he came. With such vocalization, it almost shocked me.
It's been awhile since I have been with someone. I have been concentrating on my new invention and i would rather be alone that be on a bad date. They are depressing. I cuddled in his arms. I want someone that feels like they fit together with me like a puzzle. I am blown away by how I feel about you right now.
I felt good nestled in his arms just playing with his chest hair and talking. It felt so right yet I knew in my heart, this man was not for me. Brilliant, absolutely but he was a narcisstic too. Old world Italian too. I walked into his home and I felt like it was an Italian grandma's home. Always amazes me how you can see a lack of female touch and design in a man's house. Kind of sad in a way. This guy had such potential, he excelled at everything he had ever done. Yet, he wasn't a success because of this dark side I could feel.
He showed me his bedroom and we kissed again on his bed. He admitted to me that while he was not happy at the time I said no to heavy sexual involvement, that if he slept with me, he never calls the girl the next night. Hmmmm, interesting. Well we kissed and he told me how gorgeous I was. But he kept saying how safe I was and how he would never hurt me. Which made me even more nervous because this man lived like there were people coming to get him at all times. Two additional shot guns in his closet and he couldn't find his hand gun (holy crap, it was time to leave. He misplaced his handgun?)
He told me I could stay in the guest bedroom. I needed to get home. We spoke a little more and I was amazed at his intellect yet I was amazed at his lack of social skills as well. Jokingly he told me that his friend once said to him that after talking to him for 10 minutes, a person needs a nap to rest their brain. Perfectly put! lol
He walked me to the car and thanked me for a fabulous evening. He kissed me goodby and opened my car door and asked me if I would see him again. Tough question. He's going to be a success if he mellows out but the fact that he lives and breathes Survival of the Fittest. Thinking that if a human can't take care of themselves, they deserve to die just like animals in the wild. I can't handle someone like that. I can't handle a man who feels like that when honestly, I have children that are not the fittest. I fight for them.
So tonight I got to see brass knuckles, two shotguns, samauri swords, learned how soldiers used this sword to fight and that the blade can cut through armor, saw three handguns, learned how Jesus was the sacrified lamb and that we are all not pure and will go to hell and if a person needs a wheelchair--screw them--but it themselves. I learned about rockets and the civil war and Ulysses Grant and samauris and a whole bunch of stuff I never knew. Geez, and as I write this, I realize that I need to let this one die very quietly! lol
How ironic that all these men live within 5-10 miles of each other. I passed Mystery Man's development, I passed Mr. Astronauts block, I passed the taxman too. Maybe I should move in the area.
Downfall, we disagree on two very heated topics. God and politics. So extreme are his beliefs that I almost walked out in frustration. We were at this great restaurant with great food, great drinks, great music....just when I almost had enough he leaned over and said...damn you are hot! What spunk, how amazingly refreshing it is to be mentally stimulated by a woman! wow, you are such a turn on and he kissed my neck...
It was too early for the night to be over and he was suppose to bring me some samples of his product and he only lived a few miles away, so i drove back to house. We spent the next two hours, drinking and talking and it was nice. He didn't make a move at first.
And bad boy, well he started to tell me about his life. He does high end contracting work. I could see a scar on his arm. He had been stabbed. OH more than once. He has been shot at, his friends are in the mafia and he had a weapon in every room of his home. Knives, swords, guns...5 guns to be exact. And then there is a side of him that he was featured in a magazine as one of the most eligible men on the internet. A man of extremes! I couldn't figure out if I was nervous or if I felt safe. Tough yet so gentle.
So I sat on his couch and we talked. Then he leaned over to me and kissed me. The kiss was sizzling and sensual and it went on for a long time. I was lying in his arms,we were cuddled on the couch. It felt so nice and he was an amazing kisser. I could feel his hard cock leaning against me but I wasn't ready to fuck or suck him. Until I know if this guy is something I want, I am not screwing with him. In a heated kiss, he took my hand so I could feel the bulge on his pants...mmmmmm....so inviting. We kissed some more and then he brought my hand back and his cock was out. I went to move it but his moan was so inviting and he had a long, hard cock...
Whispering in my ear, you are turning me on so much. The fact that you've opened my mind a little tonight, was such a turn on. And feeling his cock, with a few quick rubs and strokes...he came. With such vocalization, it almost shocked me.
It's been awhile since I have been with someone. I have been concentrating on my new invention and i would rather be alone that be on a bad date. They are depressing. I cuddled in his arms. I want someone that feels like they fit together with me like a puzzle. I am blown away by how I feel about you right now.
I felt good nestled in his arms just playing with his chest hair and talking. It felt so right yet I knew in my heart, this man was not for me. Brilliant, absolutely but he was a narcisstic too. Old world Italian too. I walked into his home and I felt like it was an Italian grandma's home. Always amazes me how you can see a lack of female touch and design in a man's house. Kind of sad in a way. This guy had such potential, he excelled at everything he had ever done. Yet, he wasn't a success because of this dark side I could feel.
He showed me his bedroom and we kissed again on his bed. He admitted to me that while he was not happy at the time I said no to heavy sexual involvement, that if he slept with me, he never calls the girl the next night. Hmmmm, interesting. Well we kissed and he told me how gorgeous I was. But he kept saying how safe I was and how he would never hurt me. Which made me even more nervous because this man lived like there were people coming to get him at all times. Two additional shot guns in his closet and he couldn't find his hand gun (holy crap, it was time to leave. He misplaced his handgun?)
He told me I could stay in the guest bedroom. I needed to get home. We spoke a little more and I was amazed at his intellect yet I was amazed at his lack of social skills as well. Jokingly he told me that his friend once said to him that after talking to him for 10 minutes, a person needs a nap to rest their brain. Perfectly put! lol
He walked me to the car and thanked me for a fabulous evening. He kissed me goodby and opened my car door and asked me if I would see him again. Tough question. He's going to be a success if he mellows out but the fact that he lives and breathes Survival of the Fittest. Thinking that if a human can't take care of themselves, they deserve to die just like animals in the wild. I can't handle someone like that. I can't handle a man who feels like that when honestly, I have children that are not the fittest. I fight for them.
So tonight I got to see brass knuckles, two shotguns, samauri swords, learned how soldiers used this sword to fight and that the blade can cut through armor, saw three handguns, learned how Jesus was the sacrified lamb and that we are all not pure and will go to hell and if a person needs a wheelchair--screw them--but it themselves. I learned about rockets and the civil war and Ulysses Grant and samauris and a whole bunch of stuff I never knew. Geez, and as I write this, I realize that I need to let this one die very quietly! lol
How ironic that all these men live within 5-10 miles of each other. I passed Mystery Man's development, I passed Mr. Astronauts block, I passed the taxman too. Maybe I should move in the area.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
When The Divorce Is Final...
I had planned a big divorce party. Actually a client was paying for a limo ride for me and my friends, the only catch was that we had to go to a strip place. I think he was going to get off on watching my friends and I and the girls play with us. He was going to leave us to enjoy the rest of the night in the limo. Ironically, now that it is FINAL. Yes, ladies, gentleman and frogs.....it is true, I am a divorced woman.
I did not know what I would expect. Would I be jumping up and down? Would I be going crazy and partying all night? Truth was....I felt sad. Not because I regretted anything I did or ever planned to return. I never once have said maybe I shouldn't have done it. I always felt it was the right move and still do. However, I failed. I am not one who likes to fail or gives up and I did both. I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I gave up here. OH I know, it was the right thing to do. I am sooooooo much happier. I feel sooooo much more alive.
And then there was the clincher. Two things actually. The reality that I am alone. And the truth is I think the fact that I was sick and no one to take care of me (not that he ever did) and the fact that I started to get morbid and thinking would anyone care if I died? I think that was hard for me. All hit at the same time.
Ironically, I truly feel like my life could sometimes be a book or a late night drama show. When the papers arrived, they were signed by the judge on what would have been my 20th Anniversary. It was as if the contract ran out. It was to the day. There was no renewal on the contract. It is done. Please, such drama only happens in movies but not for me!!! I sometimes feel like my life is a movie. Not sure if it would be a horror movie, a comedy, a romance novel or a porn book! lol All wrapped up in one.
Its been a few days actually. I threw in the towel and went to the doctor again and well, he is pumping me up with antibiotics and some other crap. I am finally, finally feeling a little better!!! YEAH!!!!!! My spunky self is returning YEAH!!!!!!!!
So tonight I went out with my best girlfriends. Major crap with the ex last week and each week. child support? Hmmmmm...he doesn't think he has to pay it for over 3 months now. I would be living in a shoebox!!! But as I was driving to meet my girlfriends, the music was blasting and I realized...I am happy! I was going out with my girlfriends and meeting a man after. That I actually had my choice of two to meet. That I was dating now. I mean really dating. going out on three dates a week. Meeting new people, talking, having freedom and I am loving it! And I will not settle because I am happy. I don't need someone, I don't ever think I will be without a date if I wanted one, there is always a man. So if I find someone special--I would love it. If I don't, I will just keep dating.
My friends and I sat around the table tonight and we discussed all the guys I have met the past year (hmmm...I have not been discussing my cheating days even) and they were laughing hysterical. One of my friends married her high school sweetheart, she actually never dated four men in her life. And here I drop four men in a bucket in a week.
How do I feel?! Emotionally GREAT! It's liberating! It's freedom! It's amazing! My only worry is money. But I feel good, really good. I hope I can keep this great high for a long time.
So wish me luck! xoxo
I did not know what I would expect. Would I be jumping up and down? Would I be going crazy and partying all night? Truth was....I felt sad. Not because I regretted anything I did or ever planned to return. I never once have said maybe I shouldn't have done it. I always felt it was the right move and still do. However, I failed. I am not one who likes to fail or gives up and I did both. I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I gave up here. OH I know, it was the right thing to do. I am sooooooo much happier. I feel sooooo much more alive.
And then there was the clincher. Two things actually. The reality that I am alone. And the truth is I think the fact that I was sick and no one to take care of me (not that he ever did) and the fact that I started to get morbid and thinking would anyone care if I died? I think that was hard for me. All hit at the same time.
Ironically, I truly feel like my life could sometimes be a book or a late night drama show. When the papers arrived, they were signed by the judge on what would have been my 20th Anniversary. It was as if the contract ran out. It was to the day. There was no renewal on the contract. It is done. Please, such drama only happens in movies but not for me!!! I sometimes feel like my life is a movie. Not sure if it would be a horror movie, a comedy, a romance novel or a porn book! lol All wrapped up in one.
Its been a few days actually. I threw in the towel and went to the doctor again and well, he is pumping me up with antibiotics and some other crap. I am finally, finally feeling a little better!!! YEAH!!!!!! My spunky self is returning YEAH!!!!!!!!
So tonight I went out with my best girlfriends. Major crap with the ex last week and each week. child support? Hmmmmm...he doesn't think he has to pay it for over 3 months now. I would be living in a shoebox!!! But as I was driving to meet my girlfriends, the music was blasting and I realized...I am happy! I was going out with my girlfriends and meeting a man after. That I actually had my choice of two to meet. That I was dating now. I mean really dating. going out on three dates a week. Meeting new people, talking, having freedom and I am loving it! And I will not settle because I am happy. I don't need someone, I don't ever think I will be without a date if I wanted one, there is always a man. So if I find someone special--I would love it. If I don't, I will just keep dating.
My friends and I sat around the table tonight and we discussed all the guys I have met the past year (hmmm...I have not been discussing my cheating days even) and they were laughing hysterical. One of my friends married her high school sweetheart, she actually never dated four men in her life. And here I drop four men in a bucket in a week.
How do I feel?! Emotionally GREAT! It's liberating! It's freedom! It's amazing! My only worry is money. But I feel good, really good. I hope I can keep this great high for a long time.
So wish me luck! xoxo
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Frogs , so many frogs
Frogs from the past, frogs from today, frogs for tomorrow!
Busy season at work, still sick--I blew out my sinus..isn't that special!!
Been dating a lot and enjoying it. Actually, if I wasn't sick, I would be really enjoying life. No one special but honestly, I think I prefer it that way right now. Ironically, I had more sex when I was married then now. But I am going out more now on REAL DATES. My attitude has changed, the old Don't Think seems to be working for me.
I do like this new guy. Not sure where it is going to go. He owns an exterminating company. Not something I am very comfortable with (I am squirming when I think of a spider) but I gotta get over it. He's gorgeous, he's sexual and he has a good soul.
When I was married and cheating, I seemed to go for the white collar men. My direction has seemed to change....I wonder why? Actually the one guy who is wining and dining me who is white collar is not turning me on. All the money in the world can't buy you class and a soul. And I am learning that now!
Oh, I can't wait to share some of the frogs! Catch up! Catch up! I have been working so hard because the ex hasn't given me a penny in 4 months. Forcing me to go to child support. He's such an ass.
Hope all is well with you out there!!!!!! Miss my blog friends!!
Busy season at work, still sick--I blew out my sinus..isn't that special!!
Been dating a lot and enjoying it. Actually, if I wasn't sick, I would be really enjoying life. No one special but honestly, I think I prefer it that way right now. Ironically, I had more sex when I was married then now. But I am going out more now on REAL DATES. My attitude has changed, the old Don't Think seems to be working for me.
I do like this new guy. Not sure where it is going to go. He owns an exterminating company. Not something I am very comfortable with (I am squirming when I think of a spider) but I gotta get over it. He's gorgeous, he's sexual and he has a good soul.
When I was married and cheating, I seemed to go for the white collar men. My direction has seemed to change....I wonder why? Actually the one guy who is wining and dining me who is white collar is not turning me on. All the money in the world can't buy you class and a soul. And I am learning that now!
Oh, I can't wait to share some of the frogs! Catch up! Catch up! I have been working so hard because the ex hasn't given me a penny in 4 months. Forcing me to go to child support. He's such an ass.
Hope all is well with you out there!!!!!! Miss my blog friends!!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Ouch! I was a slime
I didn't mean to be. I thought he wasn't that into me. It made me feel like I would just be a booty call. Asking me to come over and hang out the last minute. Asking me to meet him the last minute. The cocky developer sent me a vicious email today. AND...he was right. I felt like crap because I hate to be treated that way but honestly I have gotten callous to men lately. He said he's been trying to get me to call him back, make plans and I have been busy. That he wanted me to come over and hang out and go to dinner. I thought he was looking for a quick booty call, that he was a player.
So he told me today he can't do this with me anymore. That I am totally not into him that I do not call back and that I am selfish. WOW! These are things I have never been called and what hurt more than anything is that is exactly what I blamed other for in my life. So the tables turned. And I so don't like being known like that. I have a problem that he left his family, met a woman 25 years younger and had a baby with her and didn't marry her. He has two families now. I guess I didn't see me and my family fitting in. But yet I do feel bad.
I told him. Let's start again. I am very attracted to him but this image of the playa keeps popping in my head. Can he not be a playa? I guess it doesn't matter, he told me he can't. That I am too wrapped up in my own life to want to get to know him. He needs to move on from me. Personally, he was hanging with his friend and I think he got pissed because I blew off meeting him at his friends' business.
Well I do feel bad. I know what it feels like to be left hanging. So I feel like a bit of a slime. I guess the only thing I can do is be more careful next time and be more attentive. I usually am over attentive. Going to sleep...Sweet dreams....
xoxo
So he told me today he can't do this with me anymore. That I am totally not into him that I do not call back and that I am selfish. WOW! These are things I have never been called and what hurt more than anything is that is exactly what I blamed other for in my life. So the tables turned. And I so don't like being known like that. I have a problem that he left his family, met a woman 25 years younger and had a baby with her and didn't marry her. He has two families now. I guess I didn't see me and my family fitting in. But yet I do feel bad.
I told him. Let's start again. I am very attracted to him but this image of the playa keeps popping in my head. Can he not be a playa? I guess it doesn't matter, he told me he can't. That I am too wrapped up in my own life to want to get to know him. He needs to move on from me. Personally, he was hanging with his friend and I think he got pissed because I blew off meeting him at his friends' business.
Well I do feel bad. I know what it feels like to be left hanging. So I feel like a bit of a slime. I guess the only thing I can do is be more careful next time and be more attentive. I usually am over attentive. Going to sleep...Sweet dreams....
xoxo
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