I wonder, is anyone truly happy? Is it just me? Trust me, the divorce was the right move and everyday I know I made the right decision. Actually there hasn't been one day where I thought it was the wrong decision. My life is more on track. I am more in control and I no longer anticipate a financial disaster luring around the corner. But there is this emptiness inside of me. It's still there. It's not like it was but I am still empty. Will I ever truly be happy or do we all walk around with a little emptiness? Are there people who are fulfilled or are we all striving for something that truly does not exist?
The man I have been with for eight months now....yes, Cheri has been faithful to him for eight months. Mr. Porsche knows I have found someone. I still talk to him weekly but I haven't seen him. He's still a huge support for me. I still love him but at this time, I am fulfilled sexually by my new man.
The sex?! Mind blowing sex ladies and gentleman. Everyone deserves to have this type of sex in their lives. And...it is still as hot as it was since day one! During a weekend, we will have sex seven to ten times. And if we don't....he will go down on me some of the time until I can't take the orgasms anymore. Yes, sex in the kitchen, sex on the washing machine...sex on the couch, in the bed, in the tub. Oh, it's really great sex...lol
I do love him. BUT it's not perfect. He's like Jekyll and Hyde sometimes and that is difficult. He has issues he has to work out. Sometimes I can't take them. Sometimes I want to leave but when we are relaxing and enjoying each other...I know this is where I want to be. But, there are problems. He is very critical which is not good for my self esteem. He is also a little OCD and ADHD....a pessimistic person too. Funny, he's a lot like Mystery Man...hehehhehe isn't that ironic.
So back to the question. When you close your eyes and think of your life....are you happy? Do you say I have a great life? Or are you longing for something else or someone else? Is there a little emptiness that is not filled? I am wondering if I am looking for something that just doesn't exist. Oh, there is a part of me that will always have a sad part....because its related to my children and that I cannot fix but I have accepted that will always be there. But my question is, do I still keep looking for contentment and happiness that fills me totally or is this the best it will be?
12 comments:
Glad you are back writing, missed you!
Happy? I don't think of it in those terms, I haven't made the divorce decision like you have. But happiness seems to come from inside a state of contentment not necessarily 'FROM' the other person.
That is my feeling, but for me, I guess the answer is no, but this is where I am at the moment.
You 'sound' happy. working through your disagreements and such.
Is anyone really happy? I am not sure, but I can say it does not come from someone else. Someone else may be able to ruin it for you, but they cannot create it. It comes from you, not from them.
Where our lives touch others will probably never be perfect, so the question is not about perfection. Do they care for you, have your best interests at heart? Those are the sorts of things that matter, not are they perfect in every way.
Oh, hell yeah! It seemed like I had resigned myself to "never again" and "I had my one shot at true love"... basically I had become a hedonist. I took it where ever I could get it, and I took it as far as I could get away with... Then one day she walked into my life- Just the kind of girl I love to spoil.
She says I'm her superman... She has me eating right, thinking right, stronger, lighter... To me she is the love of my life, and the most beautiful girl in the world. I'm 6' 3" and 195 pounds, she is 5' 3" and 130 pounds... a perfect size 6. We are both 51, and we met when we were 50. Our weekends, it seems, are exactly like yours... but we have our weeknights now, as well.
Just discovered your blog. Absolutely love your honesty. Thanks for sharing yourself with us.
Wow! Inlasvegas, that is really good to hear you met someone in your 50's. I'm in my early 50's and thought I had met the right man that shared my love of horses and animals, but he walked when we were engaged, now he's back in my life a little... I don't plan on him making me happy. I'm happiest when I am with my animals. I just glow inside watching them. I find people difficult, although I do love my friends. It's hard to say...I don't know what will happen with the romantic love thing, I'm actually not sure I know what it is. But, I do know that I love my animals and that fulfills me.....Veronika
We all walk around with a little emptiness, yes. I know I do.
Cheri -- I've spent the better part of a workday reading your blog from the beginning. You are the kind of woman I always imagined. I'm in a 10-year marriage with two kids and I love my wife, but she has never been the sexual woman I'd hoped she'd be. BJs stopped shortly after marriage and sex became about conception. Now that we have our kids, I'm lucky if I can have sex with her every other week. She's very depressed but won't get any help no matter how much I ask her to. I've offered to go with her, but she thinks she knows how to handle things. Yeah, of course!
I took to cheating about three years ago. Didn't care for Ashley Madison, so I went to a Sugar Daddy site, and found a great girl who has gladly accepted my help and given me her body for over two years now. I would like to have an open marriage so I don't have to cheat, but my wife would end our marriage in a heartbeat. Basically, in her mind I have to suffer along with her.
I so admire your honesty, and tip my hat to you in how you handled the divorce. Honestly, I found those posts more compelling than any of the sexual stuff (and I'm a guy, go figure!).
I see that you've slowed things down on this blog, so I'm not sure you'll get this message, but I think the blog is awesome. Keep it up!
Amazing Posts... crf6adv.com
Are we all striving for something that truly does not exist?....It's all them movies we watch about Prince Charming....lol
Have a great day!!!
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Life is full of ups and down, I’ll urge you not to allow life issues get too much to you. My wife Shona and I have been very happily married for 24 years and our two daughters are planning a silver wedding party for us later this year. But 2020 has brought some unwelcome surprises to our marriage. My wife Shona works as a legal secretary. This year her boss retired and she was a bit anxious at first if she could work as happily with the new man at the helm because he was a real “mover and shaker” she said, who had lots of new ideas about how to run the business. She was promoted to senior secretary and got a substantial pay rise and I noticed she was treating herself to smart new clothes and nice perfume. One evening I called in at her office as a surprise to take her out and I met her new boss. He made some pleasant comments about Shona and her work but there was something flirtatious about the way he looked at her which made me uncomfortable. Few weeks later I got an anonymous letter that my wife was dating her boss. When I showed it to Shona she denied, I believed her and agreed that it was just jealousy because she had been offered a promotion. But somehow from that day on our relationship changed. She was edgy, I was a bit suspicious because she was frequently having “nights out” with her friends. I sought for help on here and I saw positive recommendation about Donald which saved my marriage. He's got great references, You can reach him at cyberspyexpert22 @ gmaiilcom or text him at (nine zero four) four one seven seven two one four.
Email: CYBERSPYEXPERT22 (@) GMAILCOM
Text: +19044177214.......
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