A Secret Lover?! What exactly is a secret lover? It can be so simple. It can be so easy. It needs to be a perfect combination of friendship, respect, trust, dreams and lust. Simple as that. OH AND FUN, FUN, FUN and FUN! Why do men seem to make is soooo much more difficult? Why do they always assume they know what you are thinking and they take action to combat it.
Mr. Government--as predicted, he is MIA. Oh please, so planned. So played already. I knew it was going to be like that. He needs to make sure he has put distance between us. That I am not going to get too attached. Oh, if he only knew. The problem? I love to make him feel special. As he puts it, it scares him that I can make him feel so good. Well, that's fine. My only question, why is it so bad to feel good?
Mr. Heart- I feel you slipping away...was his response today. So, now he is on good behavior. Calling twice today, telling me how much he wants me. How he is coming out here Sunday and how great it is going to be. How much he cares about me. Now here is a guy on the other end of the spectrum. He is great at laying on the crap. He is lavishing me in emotions and things he thinks I want to hear. "I should have married you". So not necessary to say because reality is still there and isn't changing. He already made plans for lunch and plans for the hotel. I said "I thought you were going to join me for my usual Sunday shopping day. We can play married like you want". Total silence....I couldn't resist. Of course, I told him I was kidding. I need to think what I want to do with this. Help! Sunday is right around the corner. It could be a lot of fun.
So what am I looking for? I'm not looking for a husband (thank you I have one of those already). I'm not looking for a fuck every 6 months. So what would satisfy me.....here it is in black and white.
The Build Up- The phone rings "I can't wait to see you, I can't wait to feel you in my arms." Hmmm....I can't wait to feel him inside of me. The anticipation of us meeting is driving me crazy throughout the day. Only two more hours, he texts.
The Meeting-We meet at our regular place. Our eyes meet and I know there is no stopping the chemistry between us. WE close the door...the world is left behind. We take the time slowly exploring each others bodies. The desire is something we cannot with stand...we are lusting for each other. No pretending...we want to enjoy the time we have together.
The next two hours is filled with us pleasing each other. Experimenting with things we've never done before and things we just really like to do. A special trust exists between each other. What have you always wanted to do? Role playing? Anal Sex? Light Bondage? What have you ever wondered about? Well there is no judging here. We are there to please each other. We are there to share a closeness and give each other a completeness that we cannot get outside that door.
Lying in each others arms, we share about us. What we like, our wants, desires, dreams...things that we cannot share with our spouses. The forgotten person who is buried underneath. REluctantly we open the door....we kiss and we go back to our real world.
During the next two weeks, we chat some, email some and eventually plan our next meeting...to escape from reality. Our much needed fulfillment and escape. the blissful cycle continues. We are Secret Lovers, we are secret friends.
Is that so unrealistic to want? Am I asking for too much? That's it!! That's it.....so why are there so many games?? I'm tired of games. I'm tired of people thinking they know what I want. So there it is.....the official Cheri playbook.
7 comments:
Cheri,
This makes total sense!
The getting to know you part may take a little longer however, than it would seem from your posting. I mean, speaking from experience, it seems to take a while. (I'm talking about before meeting the first time.)
Marathoner55, Chicago
I don't know . . . sounds like a simple enough plan to me. I keep getting frustrated by geography, lol.
XO
Well Grasshopper, I can see the problem already. S-I-G-H!
"It can be so simple. It can be so easy. It needs to be a perfect combination of friendship, respect, trust, dreams and lust."
Why? Start simple grasshopper. You can have sex with no strings today (um, 2006). Take care of the basics first, then work up to what you want.
friendship...scratch
respect...check
trust...check
dreams...scratch
lust...check check check
C'mon, admit it. Sex is what you need most and what you should focus on. Find yourself a reliable f-buddy (or 2 or 3 for Cheri's stable) who can be counted on for a regular ongoing rendevouz (where you can put them through their paces).
Start simple. The other stuff is clouding your mind and making you cranky. Monogomy does that to people. Monogomy is an un-natural state for people who aren't boring.
Btw, you really should read Em & Lo sometimes from the New York magazine. Great stuff Maynard.
Oh well, there goes Dr Alex again, not feeling sorry for the blog mistress. ;)
xoxo
I've read through your archives - (it's Joe's fault since he mentioned.) Had good luck with the ad I placed, but then my 'requirements' were fewer then yours - more along the lines that Alex mentioned. But you do have to remain true to yourself. You need what you need and WANT. The insight given by spg was -- well insightful.
Hey Marathoner-yeah it does take longer...absolutely...
Jim--aah! Location. Location.. Location. lol. It's all in location. XOXO
SPG- What you said made a lot of sense. I guess I like to get to know someone and someone know me. I can't be with someone I don't like as a person. If that's the case, they should get a prostitute. So, me having a brain, caring and being what they may consider a good catch is the problem? Hmm....what a double edge sword. Thanks baby for all the compliments though....your the best!!
Hey Dr. Alex- I see what you are saying. sigh...so what separates a f-buddy from another then? What would make me choose one over another? For me it is the person that is underneath. I love people, I love their souls. Of course, first is sexual chemistry then the person. And I thought it was so simple. Dr. Alex, have some time on your couch to discuss this?
Hi Rosie! Thanks for stopping by. Well you got me thinking. Are my requirements so high? Are they too high and unattainable? And to me they seem so realistic. Hmmm....what is a girl to do? So what made you choose who you did on Ashley? Just curious...and thanks for stopping by (send Joe my love)!
Why don't don't you just come over and sit (Straddle) Santa Hale's lap (with a skirt and no underwear of course,) and we'll work on some of those needs.
Oh, Mon Cheri.
I've had my assistant make a spot for you on my couch. My rate for you is three chocolate martinis, ok.
Remember what I said, "Take care of the basics first, then work up to what you want."
But right now, it sounds like these guys are calling you when THEY need you; not when you need them. That's a one-way street. And also a lack of r-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So here are a couple of things you could try, but you decide what's the best approach for you, since i hate giving advice over the internet.
First, if Mr Government (or whomever you decide) does it for you, then send him a note and tell him you can't see him anymore, and wish him the best in his life.
Guys hate it when they're told they can't have something. Makes them want it more.
If he responds, then you play hard to get, and you dictate the terms going forward, and negotiate very sparingly. If he doesn't respond, nothing lost anyway.
Second, if you want to find someone new, try for someone upscale. Reason, being that they're usually more generous in different ways besides their time, and that's not a bad thing.
One place you might try is Victoria's Secret (or the lingerie shop in the department store) for a guy shopping for lingerie. Men always need help shopping. At least I always get an offer or two of help when I'm shopping. There's other places too I'm sure you can think of.
Btw, make sure to tell them about your sweet tooth and have them get some Teuschers Champagne Truffles (you won't be sorry, trust me).
You asked what separates a f-buddy from the others?
Only a guess here, but It seems you put a lot of emotional investment into these guys, and then get disappointed.
At the very least, I like to have respect, trust, and lust for intimacy. Attraction certainly has to be there, and there has to be an understanding between both people for guidelines. Friendship will build up if there's a good fit, but it may / may not last. It's always better with friends, but sometimes not possible. But to me, dry spells aren't a very good option.
The difference is that you hold f-buddies at arm's length (but still get naked and get rid of some of that excess tension you have) until you decide if the emotional investment is worth the return you'll get, and then you can proceed slowly towards friendship if you think it's in the cards. Sometimes it will, sometimes not. Maybe, some others can add an opinion on this.
Me, I'm a little different. I like to get sex out of the way first to see if there's a match. If the sex ain't good, nothing else matters.
Ok, that'll be three martinis please.
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